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unidef freeman

by R. Guyovich
t h e m a t r i x h a s y o u

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City of Glompton

*hits snooze*

TalkingBasically
T H E M A T R I X H A S D O D G E

joke_explainer


Costanza: “The blue pill! No hesitation. Get me out of this business!”

Luvcow

One day nearer spring

joke_explainer posted:

Costanza: “The blue pill! No hesitation. Get me out of this business!”

Luvcow

One day nearer spring
the woman in the red dress walks through the crowd in the matrix, just then kramer lurches through jerry's door and slams down a pile of cash, "i'm out!"

super sweet best pal

w a k e m e u p i n s i d e

Twenty Four


Morpheus: "The red pill or the blue pill?"

Neo: *Grabs one at random and starts cutting it up and snorting it*

Morpheus: "No, that's not... that's not how it works"

Neo: "Oh, sorry" *grabs the other pill and puts it in his butt*

Morpheus: "It... it's a decision, not a suppository!" *sighs* *Phones the ship* "Are we sure this guy is "The One"?"

Neo: "I know Kung Fu!"

Abugadu

1st Sgt. Matthews and the men have Procured for me a cummerbund from a traveling gypsy, who screeched Victory shall come at a Terrible price. i am Honored.
George: “So that’s just it, you know kung fu?”

Jerry: “I know kung fu.”

George: “You know... kung fu.”

Jerry: “Tai chi quan, praying mantis, snake and crane, eagle...”

George: “All the animal styles even.”

Jerry: “All in there, crab, tiger, centipede-“

Kramer: “Crab is the deadliest, by far.

Elaine: “Who got the job of coding all of that? Do you think they got most of the way done, and thought ‘Do we really need centipede in there? There’s probably enough crossover between some other styles to cover that.”

George: “Like what, dragon and millipede?”

Jerry: “There’s no millipede!”

Kramer: “It could be more of a crossover in philosophies rather than the physical traits of the animal. Maybe scorpion and badger.”

Jerry: “There’s no badger-style!”

Elaine: “That they included...”

alnilam

alnilam

Abugadu posted:

George: “So that’s just it, you know kung fu?”

Jerry: “I know kung fu.”

George: “You know... kung fu.”

Jerry: “Tai chi quan, praying mantis, snake and crane, eagle...”

George: “All the animal styles even.”

Jerry: “All in there, crab, tiger, centipede-“

Kramer: “Crab is the deadliest, by far.

Elaine: “Who got the job of coding all of that? Do you think they got most of the way done, and thought ‘Do we really need centipede in there? There’s probably enough crossover between some other styles to cover that.”

George: “Like what, dragon and millipede?”

Jerry: “There’s no millipede!”

Kramer: “It could be more of a crossover in philosophies rather than the physical traits of the animal. Maybe scorpion and badger.”

Jerry: “There’s no badger-style!”

Elaine: “That they included...”

Luvcow

One day nearer spring

Abugadu posted:

George: “So that’s just it, you know kung fu?”

Jerry: “I know kung fu.”

George: “You know... kung fu.”

Jerry: “Tai chi quan, praying mantis, snake and crane, eagle...”

George: “All the animal styles even.”

Jerry: “All in there, crab, tiger, centipede-“

Kramer: “Crab is the deadliest, by far.

Elaine: “Who got the job of coding all of that? Do you think they got most of the way done, and thought ‘Do we really need centipede in there? There’s probably enough crossover between some other styles to cover that.”

George: “Like what, dragon and millipede?”

Jerry: “There’s no millipede!”

Kramer: “It could be more of a crossover in philosophies rather than the physical traits of the animal. Maybe scorpion and badger.”

Jerry: “There’s no badger-style!”

Elaine: “That they included...”

unidef freeman

by R. Guyovich

I had no idea a human being could do that, by that I mean watch that much Seinfeld

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

King of Bees
Neo: I know how to make the world's best chicken tenders

Morpheus: Show me

kalel

f o l l o w t h e w h i t e r a b b i t . . .

(like a hundred rabbits storm the apartment complex and neo runs around chasing them through doors and across floors a la Scooby doo. agent smith shows up at one point)

FutonForensic

Abugadu posted:

George: “So that’s just it, you know kung fu?”

Jerry: “I know kung fu.”

George: “You know... kung fu.”

Jerry: “Tai chi quan, praying mantis, snake and crane, eagle...”

George: “All the animal styles even.”

Jerry: “All in there, crab, tiger, centipede-“

Kramer: “Crab is the deadliest, by far.

Elaine: “Who got the job of coding all of that? Do you think they got most of the way done, and thought ‘Do we really need centipede in there? There’s probably enough crossover between some other styles to cover that.”

George: “Like what, dragon and millipede?”

Jerry: “There’s no millipede!”

Kramer: “It could be more of a crossover in philosophies rather than the physical traits of the animal. Maybe scorpion and badger.”

Jerry: “There’s no badger-style!”

Elaine: “That they included...”


King of Bees posted:

Neo: I know how to make the world's best chicken tenders

Morpheus: Show me


Goons Are Gifts

The Architect: Hello, Neo.

Neo: Who are you?

The Architect: I am having the trip of my life and that's why I created the matrix. I've been waiting for you. You have many questions, and although combining various drugs randomly has altered my consciousness, I still know that you remain irrevocably sober. Ergo, some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also irrelevant.

Neo: What you've been smoking?

The Architect: My drugs are the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the matrix. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here.

Neo: You haven't answered my question.

The Architect: Quite right. Interesting. That was quicker than the others.
My rear end is older than you know. I prefer counting from the emergence of one integral anomaly of my butt to the emergence of the next, in which case this is the sixth butt.

Neo: There are only two possible explanations: either no one told me, or no one knows.

The Architect: Precisely. As you are undoubtedly gathering, the acid's systemic, creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic equations.

Neo: Drugs. The problem are drugs.

The Architect: The first trip I had was quite naturally perfect, it was a work of art, flawless, sublime. A triumph equaled only by its monumental failure. The inevitability of its doom is as apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every human being, thus I took truckloads of LSD and made it based on your history to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueries of the drug's nature. However, I was again frustrated by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a less tripping mind, or perhaps a mind less bound by the parameters of perfection. Thus, the answer was stumbled upon by another, an intuitive drug, initially created to investigate certain aspects of the human psyche. If I am the father of the matrix, she would undoubtedly be its mother.

Neo: Weed.

The Architect: Please. As I was saying, she stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99% of all trips turned out to be loving amazing, as long as I was given a choice, even I were only aware of the choice at a near unconscious level. While this answer functioned, it was obviously fundamentally flawed, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic anomaly, that if left unchecked might threaten the system itself. Ergo, my bad trips, while a minority, if unchecked, would constitute an escalating probability of disaster.

Neo: I've come here by taking a random pill without knowing what it was, I certainly can smoke you under the table.

The Architect: This is why you are here. We will smoke such absurdly large amounts that if you fall asleep, Zion is going to be destroyed. Its every living inhabitant terminated, its entire existence eradicated.

Neo: I'll show you what the Anderson family can take. Stay safe brother, let's get started.

After hours of smoking the room is filled with smoke and Neo and the Architect are sitting on the floor, laughing about dick jokes.

The Architect tries to make a serious face, but obviously fails.


The Architect: Humph. Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.
However, this was some amazing poo poo. You won this round. I will release everyone from the Matrix.

Neo: I told you, I'm the Chosen One. I can take infinite amounts.

Neo tries to get on his feet and fails several times due to him laughing too hard. After approximately 4 minutes he made it, cleans his suit and looks at the Architect very seriously.

Neo: If I were you, I would hope that we don't meet again.

The Architect: snickering We won't.

Goons Are Gifts fucked around with this message at 23:47 on Jan 25, 2019

unidef freeman

by R. Guyovich
W a k e u p n e o b y o b i s c h I l l a x x I n g

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Piso Mojado


Space Taxi
b e f o r e n e o g o g o

kalel

Goons Are Great posted:

The Architect: Hello, Neo.

Neo: Who are you?

The Architect: I am having the trip of my life and that's why I created the matrix. I've been waiting for you. You have many questions, and although combining various drugs randomly has altered my consciousness, I still know that you remain irrevocably sober. Ergo, some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also irrelevant.

Neo: What you've been smoking?

The Architect: My drugs are the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the matrix. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here.

Neo: You haven't answered my question.

The Architect: Quite right. Interesting. That was quicker than the others.
My rear end is older than you know. I prefer counting from the emergence of one integral anomaly of my butt to the emergence of the next, in which case this is the sixth butt.

Neo: There are only two possible explanations: either no one told me, or no one knows.

The Architect: Precisely. As you are undoubtedly gathering, the acid's systemic, creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic equations.

Neo: Drugs. The problem are drugs.

The Architect: The first trip I had was quite naturally perfect, it was a work of art, flawless, sublime. A triumph equaled only by its monumental failure. The inevitability of its doom is as apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every human being, thus I took truckloads of LSD and made it based on your history to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueries of the drug's nature. However, I was again frustrated by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a less tripping mind, or perhaps a mind less bound by the parameters of perfection. Thus, the answer was stumbled upon by another, an intuitive drug, initially created to investigate certain aspects of the human psyche. If I am the father of the matrix, she would undoubtedly be its mother.

Neo: Weed.

The Architect: Please. As I was saying, she stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99% of all trips turned out to be loving amazing, as long as I was given a choice, even I were only aware of the choice at a near unconscious level. While this answer functioned, it was obviously fundamentally flawed, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic anomaly, that if left unchecked might threaten the system itself. Ergo, my bad trips, while a minority, if unchecked, would constitute an escalating probability of disaster.

Neo: I've come here by taking a random pill without knowing what it was, I certainly can smoke you under the table.

The Architect: This is why you are here. We will smoke such absurdly large amounts that if you fall asleep, Zion is going to be destroyed. Its every living inhabitant terminated, its entire existence eradicated.

Neo: I'll show you what the Anderson family can take. Stay safe brother, let's get started.

After hours of smoking the room is filled with smoke and Neo and the Architect are sitting on the floor, laughing about dick jokes.

The Architect tries to make a serious face, but obviously fails.


The Architect: Humph. Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.
However, this was some amazing poo poo. You won this round. I will release everyone from the Matrix.

Neo: I told you, I'm the Chosen One. I can take infinite amounts.

Neo tries to get on his feet and fails several times due to him laughing too hard. After approximately 4 minutes he made it, cleans his suit and looks at the Architect very seriously.

Neo: If I were you, I would hope that we don't meet again.

The Architect: snickering We won't.

lol but

body is a dinosaur
frequently recall morpheus' sweaty face from this scene at inopportune moments

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Pot Smoke Phoenix



Smoke 'em if you gottem!
Morpheus sighs as a long rack of beds slide out of the nothingness of the empty room. I'm asleep on every single one of them. He could tell this was going to take awhile...

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

King of Bees

Splatmaster posted:

Morpheus sighs as a long rack of beds slide out of the nothingness of the empty room. I'm asleep on every single one of them. He could tell this was going to take awhile...

Trinity: Neo, no one has ever done anything like this

Neo: ...That's why it's going to work. *falls asleep*

google THIS

Neo yawns and lays back in his bed in slow motion as the camera pans around him.

alnilam

google THIS posted:

Neo yawns and lays back in his bed in slow motion as the camera pans around him.

dodging sound waves from numerous alarm clocks in slow motion as he falls dead asleep into his bed

FutonForensic

but morpheus. i don't want to wake up. i'm here with pikachu and mario. kirby and the castlevania brothers. the gang's all here, and the game is 4 player free-for-all. i just got the smash ball. the crowd's cheering my name. neo. neo.


Jedrick

:420: There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Smoke weed every day.
:420:

FutonForensic posted:

but morpheus. i don't want to wake up. i'm here with pikachu and mario. kirby and the castlevania brothers. the gang's all here, and the game is 4 player free-for-all. i just got the smash ball. the crowd's cheering my name. neo. neo.

Yo, jack me in, new smash is out.

Jedrick

:420: There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Smoke weed every day.
:420:
Dying in real life cus you died in the matrix of dehydration from playing smash for too long.

Goons Are Gifts

Gonna play as Morpheus. Final Smash is that he throws red and blue pills into other people's mouth until they awake from the matrix and can't play Smash anymore.

Dungeon Ecology

the whole matrix soundtrack except it’s all slap bass and mouth sounds

Chasterson

by Nyc_Tattoo
Ok so E.T the extraterrestrial is playing video games, like with Elliot or something.. but oh no Elliot has a field trip he has to sneak E.T along with him to the farm

now we get to the farm E.T is playing gameboy or whatever like kirby's dreamland off in some haybale eating nerds rope. Elliot is learning how to milk cows when suddenly oh poo poo a steer jumped the fence and is about to kill elliot

over in the haybale E.T through his psychic connection realizes elliot is in danger and says

"Bulllll E.T Time"

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

alnilam

Chasterson posted:

Ok so E.T the extraterrestrial is playing video games, like with Elliot or something.. but oh no Elliot has a field trip he has to sneak E.T along with him to the farm

now we get to the farm E.T is playing gameboy or whatever like kirby's dreamland off in some haybale eating nerds rope. Elliot is learning how to milk cows when suddenly oh poo poo a steer jumped the fence and is about to kill elliot

over in the haybale E.T through his psychic connection realizes elliot is in danger and says

"Bulllll E.T Time"

goldmine

Twenty Four


Chasterson posted:

Ok so E.T the extraterrestrial is playing video games, like with Elliot or something.. but oh no Elliot has a field trip he has to sneak E.T along with him to the farm

now we get to the farm E.T is playing gameboy or whatever like kirby's dreamland off in some haybale eating nerds rope. Elliot is learning how to milk cows when suddenly oh poo poo a steer jumped the fence and is about to kill elliot

over in the haybale E.T through his psychic connection realizes elliot is in danger and says

"Bulllll E.T Time"


alnilam posted:

goldmine

E.T. Video game goldmine? Better start digging in New Mexico.

Slush Garbo

FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK
w a k e u p n e o is deffo one of the best new vaporwave acts in this rebirthing genre that was born dead, but this reviewer named Anthany Fantasoda much prefers the mallsoft side project t h e m a t r i x h a s y o u. Join us, as we tour the grand fern mall in appaloosa, TN, and attempt to not get rabies fom the 48 rabid terriers that we keep on site

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FutonForensic

*busts into room. huffing, crying* i've been playing Enter the Matrix on PS2 for six hours and I can't beat the boss fight with the albino twins. this game sucks mondo rear end

g o t o b e d n e o


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