heres a new supervillain i created: "the clowner"

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > heres a new supervillain i created: "the clowner"

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Dick Bastardly: Muttley is SKYNET!!!

cda posted:

"Freak on a Leash? What the hell?? I'm going to be sick."

"I am a hardened detective of crimes, but never have I been more disturbed than when I realized we had a juggalo case on our hands"

- Gumshoe Dick Motherfucking Tracy God drat It

Awesome winter sig by Symbolic, love it!

Lovely sig by the masterful Matoi Ryuko, thanks!

# ? Apr 22, 2019 22:14

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 22:15

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Doris F.
5 reviews

This clown was not funny at all. The children were afraid of him, and if I'm honest, so were the adults. Instead of the amusing japes that one would expect from a clowning professional, The Clowner(I do suggest a name change to The Depressor for this unprofessional individual) told psuedo-jokes and sarcastically pointed out the ironies of contemporary life. The low-point of the evening was when he stabbed my uncle and when my aunt was upset about this turn of events, the clowner said that he would "put a smile on her face" and then simply disfigured her. a: this was very painful for my aunt and, b: the changes done to her face BARELY resemble a smile at all. If you want to put a smile on someone's face, Mr. Clowner, then I suggest working on your material or maybe just bring balloons that are filled with helium and not toxic gas. While my aunt and uncle survived the attack, they are still very unhappy with the events that occurred at the party. Overall we were very disappointed with this clown and will be asking for a full refund. I would have given zero stars, but will give 1/5 stars as The Clowner arrived on time and in his own vehicle.

# ? Apr 22, 2019 22:49

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Doris F.
5 reviews

This clown was not funny at all. The children were afraid of him, and if I'm honest, so were the adults. Instead of the amusing japes that one would expect from a clowning professional, The Clowner(I do suggest a name change to The Depressor for this unprofessional individual) told psuedo-jokes and sarcastically pointed out the ironies of contemporary life. The low-point of the evening was when he stabbed my uncle and when my aunt was upset about this turn of events, the clowner said that he would "put a smile on her face" and then simply disfigured her. a: this was very painful for my aunt and, b: the changes done to her face BARELY resemble a smile at all. If you want to put a smile on someone's face, Mr. Clowner, then I suggest working on your material or maybe just bring balloons that are filled with helium and not toxic gas. While my aunt and uncle survived the attack, they are still very unhappy with the events that occurred at the party. Overall we were very disappointed with this clown and will be asking for a full refund. I would have given zero stars, but will give 1/5 stars as The Clowner arrived on time and in his own vehicle.

# ? Apr 22, 2019 23:15

Android Blues

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Doris F.
5 reviews

This clown was not funny at all. The children were afraid of him, and if I'm honest, so were the adults. Instead of the amusing japes that one would expect from a clowning professional, The Clowner(I do suggest a name change to The Depressor for this unprofessional individual) told psuedo-jokes and sarcastically pointed out the ironies of contemporary life. The low-point of the evening was when he stabbed my uncle and when my aunt was upset about this turn of events, the clowner said that he would "put a smile on her face" and then simply disfigured her. a: this was very painful for my aunt and, b: the changes done to her face BARELY resemble a smile at all. If you want to put a smile on someone's face, Mr. Clowner, then I suggest working on your material or maybe just bring balloons that are filled with helium and not toxic gas. While my aunt and uncle survived the attack, they are still very unhappy with the events that occurred at the party. Overall we were very disappointed with this clown and will be asking for a full refund. I would have given zero stars, but will give 1/5 stars as The Clowner arrived on time and in his own vehicle.

# ? Apr 22, 2019 23:36

Goons Are Gifts

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Doris F.
5 reviews

This clown was not funny at all. The children were afraid of him, and if I'm honest, so were the adults. Instead of the amusing japes that one would expect from a clowning professional, The Clowner(I do suggest a name change to The Depressor for this unprofessional individual) told psuedo-jokes and sarcastically pointed out the ironies of contemporary life. The low-point of the evening was when he stabbed my uncle and when my aunt was upset about this turn of events, the clowner said that he would "put a smile on her face" and then simply disfigured her. a: this was very painful for my aunt and, b: the changes done to her face BARELY resemble a smile at all. If you want to put a smile on someone's face, Mr. Clowner, then I suggest working on your material or maybe just bring balloons that are filled with helium and not toxic gas. While my aunt and uncle survived the attack, they are still very unhappy with the events that occurred at the party. Overall we were very disappointed with this clown and will be asking for a full refund. I would have given zero stars, but will give 1/5 stars as The Clowner arrived on time and in his own vehicle.

# ? Apr 23, 2019 02:08

Karate Bastard

I wonder how The Clowner would fare squaring off against

TEXT

FACE

# ? Apr 23, 2019 12:17

Karate Bastard

Or his rival in crime

BOTTOM TEXT

(i don't have a picture handy but he just put the text on the other end you get the idea)

# ? Apr 23, 2019 15:42

Karate Bastard

So many questions!

Like does The Clowner live in a society? And if so what kind? I'm thinking probably an anarcho-syndicalist commune. Or maybe a microbiome, like an anemone.

# ? Apr 23, 2019 15:50

alnilam

The CLowner doesn't live in a society. he live sjust outside of it, which is how he is able to look at it from an outsider's perspective and see how hosed up it really us, which none of us can see, until he shows us

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Apr 23, 2019 16:04

Karate Bastard

So he lives in an anemone.

# ? Apr 23, 2019 16:11

FartGhost

*excited cheering children gather around the clowner"
clowner: you misunderstand, i'm not a normal clown but a twisted reflection of... *gets drowned out by cheering*

# ? Apr 23, 2019 17:31

Karate Bastard

Do you think maybe The Clowner tells jokes really poorly like about sea cucumbers so nobody laughs

LIKE A CLOWNFISH

Do you think maybe he has a sign that he has to show sometimes that says That's it. That's The Joke.

I mean, I do.

Shut up.

# ? Apr 23, 2019 17:46

kalel

the Clowner posts in FYAD

# ? Apr 24, 2019 03:05

Areola Grande: it's a free country u pervs

SciFiDownBeat posted:

the Clowner posts in FYAD

I knew it. Good on him and his Fyad style :gary:

# ? Apr 24, 2019 05:47

Android Blues

FartGhost posted:

*excited cheering children gather around the clowner"
clowner: you misunderstand, i'm not a normal clown but a twisted reflection of... *gets drowned out by cheering*

# ? Apr 24, 2019 09:48

kalel

Trying to brainstorm a way to somehow incapacitate the Clowner permanently, without killing him, so as to stop his post modernist ways without stooping to his effed up level

# ? Apr 25, 2019 17:01

Stoner Sloth

SciFiDownBeat posted:

Trying to brainstorm a way to somehow incapacitate the Clowner permanently, without killing him, so as to stop his post modernist ways without stooping to his effed up level

but by not stooping to his effed up level, perhaps you become a parody, a carnival funhouse mirror version if you will, of yourself... perhaps that's exactly what the Clowner wants? :ohdear:

perhaps it means you become the hero we need rather than the hero we'deserves? what if the Clowner is right (in a twisted way) and you've pulled an erection of your own device?? Puzzle me that!

sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, Nut, Heather Papps,Prof Crocodile, knuthgrush, Ohtori Akio, Teapot, Saosyhant, Dumb Sex Parrot, w4ddl3d33, and nesamdoom!! - ty friends!

# ? Apr 25, 2019 17:06

Karate Bastard

Imma laugh at some guys with big shoes cream pieing one another just to spite him

# ? Apr 25, 2019 17:21

cda: by Hand Knit

SciFiDownBeat posted:

Trying to brainstorm a way to somehow incapacitate the Clowner permanently, without killing him, so as to stop his post modernist ways without stooping to his effed up level

The Clowner isn't real. He's just a fictional character I created, so you can't kill him. His original name was Ingmar Krump.

# ? Apr 25, 2019 21:25