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Derpies
Mar 11, 2014

by sebmojo
Hi doctor I have a good life, job, family, happy plump wife. But WIFE NO COOK GOOD! How can I remedy this.

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Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Pillbug

Moridin920 posted:

For like 6-8 months now I have just been farting all day constantly.

You may want to go the butt hospital. Hitler had that, and things didn't end well for him.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

Mooey Cow posted:

You may want to go the butt hospital. Hitler had that, and things didn't end well for him.

I did and I even got a colonoscopy and they said everything looks fine. But nonetheless here I am, farting.

Is this what it is to get old???

pixaal
Jan 8, 2004

All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.


RocktheCaulk posted:

Hi doctor I have a good life, job, family, happy plump wife. But WIFE NO COOK GOOD! How can I remedy this.

You can take up cooking, or you can pick any chain restaurant you want but only one. From now on every meal you and your wife will eat at this same chain no matter where you are. If you are someplace without your chain you must go hungry or suffer your wife's poor cooking. So pick something that is widely available.

Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

That's a high quality avatar right there.

RocktheCaulk posted:

Hi doctor I have a good life, job, family, happy plump wife. But WIFE NO COOK GOOD! How can I remedy this.

Sever wife.

Regrow life.

buglord
Jul 31, 2010

Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Buglord
Good morning goons. I am no longer spewing liquid from multiple orifices.
*turns placard around which reads "The doctor is in"*

buglord
Jul 31, 2010

Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Buglord

Moridin920 posted:

I did and I even got a colonoscopy and they said everything looks fine. But nonetheless here I am, farting.

Is this what it is to get old???

Ah yes. You see, excess gas is often misdiagnosed and patients tend to get colonoscopies when the real reason stems from posting. Those with good quality posts tend to have less "gaseous residue" which builds up in the intestines after a series of high quality insights. If you look at this diagram, you can see that rapid fire shitposts may come out quickly and with a tingly sensation of spice, but tend to scar intestinal walls and leave foul gaseous residue which creates these issues. Here's a pamphlet on steps you can take today. Lets meet back in June and see how you're progressing.

Telsa Cola posted:

Dr.

Im gay
*hands you a lollipop. inside the wrapper reads "me 2"*

Turpitude posted:

Doctor please, this chode pain is a 10/10 I need the really good drugs
We can administer state of the art pain medication which has a slight euphoric effect. However, we can only do this once or twice, as each dose reduces the length of the chode by approximately an inch. we dont want you to have a second belly button.

Yvershek
Nov 15, 2000

and there are no
diamonds in the
mine
Gimme the news. I've got a bad case of loving you!

Vim Fuego
Jun 1, 2000

I LITERALLY SLEEP IN A RACING CAR. DO YOU?
p.s. ask me about my subscription mattress
Ultra Carp

my bat mitzvah ROCKED posted:

I too am an aids filled retard

I believe "im gay" was a punchier line, but if this is the new one then "im willing to change with the times"

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Johnny-on-the-Spot
Apr 17, 2015

That feeling when he opens
the door for you
Doctor, I like to keep up on the times. I'll have one of your most trendy enemas.

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