hotdogs are sex

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Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

google THIS posted:

Here is the official hot dog/condiment matching tier list. This is for your basic hot dog dressing. If you're doing chili dogs or fancy artisan dogs with like a complete other meal being used as a topping things get more nuanced and beyond the scope of this post.

Questionable tier: The kind where the ingredients are so low quality they're not pink, or even uniformly the same shade of orange. Ex. gas station rotisseries and school stadiums where volunteer PTO moms are serving you even though they can't open a bun without ripping it. Ketchup is acceptable here simply because anything to make it more palatable is acceptable, but mustard would be better.

Aldi tier: The sad overly small generic dogs that cheap dads grill, or add on as an afterthought for the kids when they're primarily working on more adult fare like steaks. It's ok to put ketchup on these, but only because you're six. Still, why not try some mustard instead?

Microwave tier: Or even (shudder) cooked in water. Ketchup will not further compound your sin, but you know what would help? Mustard.

Grilled mid-level dogs: Now we're starting to talk. Time to put the ketchup away and maybe get out the relish, but really, mustard should be the centerpiece.

Nice dogs: All-beef, really substantial, not quite a sausage but no longer merely a dog. Better be hitting the mustard, and by this point you should have already kicked the mustard up a notch or two as well. The stuff that comes in packets and matches construction equipment will no longer suffice. Spicy brown at minimum.

German tier: Ketchup does not complement sauerkraut. Mustard does. 'nuff said.

This man knows what's up.

# ? Apr 22, 2019 01:21

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 22:53

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

prepuce repurposed posted:

trying to decide if this is an elaborate sex metaphor or not

Bruh your av is a clitoris, EVERYTHING IS A METAPHOR FOR SEX.

# ? Apr 22, 2019 01:22

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

prepuce repurposed posted:

trying to decide if this is an elaborate sex metaphor or not

it's definitely a sex metaphor, because you're not getting it

# ? Apr 22, 2019 01:37

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

canyoneer posted:

it's definitely a sex metaphor, because you're not getting it

# ? Apr 22, 2019 01:39

Stoner Sloth

sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, Nut, Heather Papps,Prof Crocodile, knuthgrush, Ohtori Akio, Teapot, Saosyhant, Dumb Sex Parrot, w4ddl3d33, and nesamdoom!! - ty friends!

# ? Apr 22, 2019 01:41

Areola Grande: it's a free country u pervs

canyoneer posted:

it's definitely a sex metaphor, because you're not getting it

# ? Apr 22, 2019 02:51

xcheopis

canyoneer posted:

it's definitely a sex metaphor, because you're not getting it

God drat.

# ? Apr 22, 2019 02:55

google THIS

prepuce repurposed posted:

trying to decide if this is an elaborate sex metaphor or not

*snicker* you said metaphor

# ? Apr 22, 2019 03:18

Areola Grande: it's a free country u pervs

xcheopis posted:

God drat.

ice cold

# ? Apr 22, 2019 03:45

xcheopis

prepuce repurposed posted:

ice cold

"For you, it was the iciest post in the forum, but for me it was a Sunday"

# ? Apr 22, 2019 03:53

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

This thread is now about dropping sick burns on prepuce.

# ? Apr 22, 2019 05:33

Goons Are Gifts

woah that was brutal

# ? Apr 22, 2019 12:04

Dick Bastardly: Muttley is SKYNET!!!

I gaz when I eat hotdogs, checks out

Awesome winter sig by Symbolic, love it!

Lovely sig by the masterful Matoi Ryuko, thanks!

# ? Apr 22, 2019 14:14

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

canyoneer posted:

it's definitely a sex metaphor, because you're not getting it

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Apr 22, 2019 14:39

Goons Are Gifts

Are you alright, PR? :ohdear:

# ? Apr 22, 2019 14:47

Areola Grande: it's a free country u pervs

if hot dogs are sex then what does that make a burg

spring sigs by nesamdoom and Ravenous Scoot

# ? Apr 22, 2019 16:18

xcheopis

prepuce repurposed posted:

if hot dogs are sex then what does that make a burg

Hot dogs are boy sex, burgs are girl sex

# ? Apr 22, 2019 17:30

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

mashing two burgers together and everyone is into it, pick up two hot dogs and suddenly most people are uncomfortable with it. double standards...

# ? Apr 22, 2019 17:34

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

xcheopis posted:

Hot dogs are boy sex, burgs are girl sex

no wonder i love burgs so much omg

# ? Apr 22, 2019 17:57

vanisher

"Wow, check out that hamburger"

"Uh, dude. That's a hot dog."

# ? Apr 22, 2019 18:33

alnilam

Teacher: okay now fold your paper in half hot dog style

*muffled giggling from classroom*

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Apr 22, 2019 19:24

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

a parent having the difficult conversation with their kid about the hotdogs and the hamburgers, pulling out a book with pictures of BBQs as a visual aid

# ? Apr 22, 2019 19:26

vanisher

Really son?

Grilling your hot dog?

With your mother in the house?

# ? Apr 22, 2019 20:13

google THIS

Or going the somehow even more uncomfortable understanding dad route.

"Yeah, son, believe it or not, I was once young and hungry just like you..."

"Dad."

"I still remember the day I met your mother. It was at a picnickers' convention, if you can believe it."

"Dad, stop."

"She looked drat good in that apron, and she could work a barbecue spatula like you wouldn't believe. But her real talent was with the tongs."

"DAD."

# ? Apr 22, 2019 20:25

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

alnilam posted:

Teacher: okay now fold your paper in half hot dog style

*muffled giggling from classroom*

vanisher posted:

Really son?

Grilling your hot dog?

With your mother in the house?

google THIS posted:

Or going the somehow even more uncomfortable understanding dad route.

"Yeah, son, believe it or not, I was once young and hungry just like you..."

"Dad."

"I still remember the day I met your mother. It was at a picnickers' convention, if you can believe it."

"Dad, stop."

"She looked drat good in that apron, and she could work a barbecue spatula like you wouldn't believe. But her real talent was with the tongs."

"DAD."

+ this whole thread lol

# ? Apr 22, 2019 20:37

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Ughhh, last year I wanted to surprise my mom for mother's day and caught my parents grilling hot dogs and hamburgers in the FRONT YARD with ALL THEIR NEIGHBORS.

# ? Apr 22, 2019 20:37

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

it's funny that when you go to mexico the tourist souvenir shops there sell lewd GRILL KING aprons right out in the open

# ? Apr 22, 2019 20:41

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

memories of staying up late as a kid so i could turn the sound off and watch diners, drive-ins and dives, wasn't till years late that i found out most kids did the same

# ? Apr 22, 2019 20:44

Goons Are Gifts

google THIS posted:

Or going the somehow even more uncomfortable understanding dad route.

"Yeah, son, believe it or not, I was once young and hungry just like you..."

"Dad."

"I still remember the day I met your mother. It was at a picnickers' convention, if you can believe it."

"Dad, stop."

"She looked drat good in that apron, and she could work a barbecue spatula like you wouldn't believe. But her real talent was with the tongs."

"DAD."

# ? Apr 22, 2019 21:54

Goons Are Gifts

Luvcow posted:

memories of staying up late as a kid so i could turn the sound off and watch diners, drive-ins and dives, wasn't till years late that i found out most kids did the same

Hiding under the blanket as a teenager, dreaming of the very first hot dog with that one cute girl. Tomorrow I will ask her. Tomorrow.

But I never could. Until she got her first hot dog with Garry, the big, mean guy in the leather jacket. Playing dungeon & dragons taught me to handle pain, but it never could erase my hot dog dreams without hurting me.

# ? Apr 22, 2019 21:59

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

your move, athiests

# ? Apr 22, 2019 22:29

alnilam

Holy roller smacking two hot dogs together to show that HOT DOG was designed by GOD only to go in BUN

I roll my eyes and grab them and cut a slit down one of them, and place the other one into the slit, he is aghast, several people faint. Slowly, tearfully, he raises it to his mouth to try a bite

# ? Apr 22, 2019 22:49

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

alnilam posted:

Holy roller smacking two hot dogs together to show that HOT DOG was designed by GOD only to go in BUN

I roll my eyes and grab them and cut a slit down one of them, and place the other one into the slit, he is aghast, several people faint. Slowly, tearfully, he raises it to his mouth to try a bite

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

your move, athiests

Goons Are Great posted:

Hiding under the blanket as a teenager, dreaming of the very first hot dog with that one cute girl. Tomorrow I will ask her. Tomorrow.

But I never could. Until she got her first hot dog with Garry, the big, mean guy in the leather jacket. Playing dungeon & dragons taught me to handle pain, but it never could erase my hot dog dreams without hurting me.

# ? Apr 22, 2019 22:53

alnilam

Alnilam sighed as he drew his hot dog knife

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Apr 22, 2019 22:53

Areola Grande: it's a free country u pervs

alnilam posted:

Alnilam sighed as he drew his hot dog knife

"knife to meat u"

# ? Apr 23, 2019 01:06

Jedrick: There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Smoke weed every day.

everyone's favorite street corner smut peddler Mr. Tubesteak

# ? Apr 23, 2019 05:31

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 22:53

lmbo calrissian: i'm into fashion
men are my passion

mechanically separated meat is coincidentally a huge part of my sexual history :tinfoil:

# ? Apr 23, 2019 22:01

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > hotdogs are sex

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