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Burt Sexual posted:It sucks and tastes like poo poo I think I said it tastes like Fresca dude
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Sep 24, 2019 16:56
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Shits Torrents of Blood is my username on pof
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Sep 24, 2019 17:07
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Like how much blood are we talkin here? Like the whole bowl or like whipe and its bloody?
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Sep 24, 2019 17:35
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"Gallon or so" US: most of op's blood Imperial: all of it drat.
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Sep 24, 2019 17:45
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I likely over-estimated just how much blood there was, but it's probably one of those things like a pebble in your shoe; it seems more than it actually is.
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Sep 24, 2019 17:52
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Lemon posted:Good question. I don't know for sure, but I think it's more likely due to the extraordinary effort I had to put into opening the bottle rather than an inherently unstable butt. I hope so, anyway. did you like flex your butt?  was it that thing where you tighten every muscle at once even though it probably doesn't help to be flexing your toes and it just happens that your sphincter was the one that blew? or is the anus somehow intrinsically tied to physical exertion?
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Sep 24, 2019 18:13
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Cubone posted:I still don't– Ask any professional fighter, power takes root in the butt
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Sep 24, 2019 18:16
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Cubone posted:I still don't– I dunno, man. I didn't feel like I was particularly using my butt to help out when I was pulling the cork. I didn't go into detail with the doctor about how it happened, I just checked out the wiki article after he diagnosed it. According to that: "...caused by heavy lifting, coughing or straining." So, yeah, it sounds like there's a potential little bomb waiting to go off up your rear end whenever you move a couch or something.
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Sep 24, 2019 18:24
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Like a hernia
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Sep 24, 2019 18:48
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This thread, much like the OP's anus, is really going places.
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Sep 24, 2019 18:58
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We are going to need to see you do it again this time with pictures and descriptions below them. that and for a control you know?
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Sep 24, 2019 19:04
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Did you know that only 40% of sommeliers reach retirement age
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Sep 24, 2019 20:09
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Imagine rolling up to the doctor without a suitable lie and this is the best story op could come up with.
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Sep 24, 2019 20:24
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... and this is why I have a cork in my rear end! Smell it, it was great vintage of 2005.
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Sep 24, 2019 20:27
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Write to the vineyard and describe the suffering you have gone through just to consume their product. Maybe they'll make you their spokesman. "I literally busted my rear end for Uncle Aldi's cabernet!"
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Sep 25, 2019 06:47
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Lemon posted:I dunno, man. I didn't feel like I was particularly using my butt to help out when I was pulling the cork. I didn't go into detail with the doctor about how it happened, I just checked out the wiki article after he diagnosed it. According to that: "...caused by heavy lifting, coughing or straining." So, yeah, it sounds like there's a potential little bomb waiting to go off up your rear end whenever you move a couch or something. Just admit that you had the wine bottle in your b-hole.
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Sep 25, 2019 08:04
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CPL593H posted:Just admit that you had the wine bottle in your b-hole. That would be far less embarassing than the current explanation of "I am such a weak and delicate person that opening a bottle caused my rear end to explode."
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Sep 25, 2019 08:19
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Great now I'm worried I'm going to take a poo poo and poo poo out my whole rear end
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Sep 25, 2019 08:25
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No no no no no. The possibility is you'll strain your rear end too much and somehow cause a bottle of wine to open.
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Sep 25, 2019 08:30
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I'm upset and disappointed in all of you for not offering to help massage this man's butthole back inside his body. I thought we were a family
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Sep 25, 2019 08:32
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Op how deep do I need to shove rhe wine bottle up my rump to open it? I mean, I know lodging the entire bottle usually does the trick but... wanted to hear it from someone experienced in case you only pop your cork halfway
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Sep 25, 2019 08:38
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I mean, why would I lie about any of this? It's not as if Lowtax discovered my arsehole in tatters and I was obliged to come here and explain things. Anyway, I'm off to hospital for the ol' camera up the butt now. Apparently this carries a 1 in 15,000 chance of death, so press F if I haven't updated the thread in the next six hours.
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Sep 25, 2019 09:08
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Lemon posted:I mean, why would I lie about any of this? It's not as if Lowtax discovered my arsehole in tatters and I was obliged to come here and explain things. Are you going to post the pictures?
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Sep 25, 2019 09:10
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you magnificent beast
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Sep 25, 2019 09:10
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CPL593H posted:Are you going to post the pictures? Only if they find something worth remarking upon
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Sep 25, 2019 09:16
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Good luck at the hospital, OP. Let us know if the bottle knocked you up, we can take care of little Vinnito as a village
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Sep 25, 2019 09:17
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e:^^^ Slammed in the butt by Beaujolais, by Chuck Tingle.Lemon posted:Only if they find something worth remarking upon We'll be the judges of that. madeintaipei fucked around with this message at 09:22 on Sep 25, 2019 |
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Sep 25, 2019 09:19
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Later today we're going to find out if wine is also stored in the balls
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Sep 25, 2019 09:20
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WILDTURKEY101 posted:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk%3AHuman_anus "The shaved and more desirable anus should be the first one to be seen in the article. With the current setup, the only possible way to admire the smooth, clean anus is to have it in the same frame as the hairy anus. Please fix this." lol someone mad they have to look at dirty hairy anus while trying to
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Sep 25, 2019 09:26
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how was the wine tho op
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Sep 25, 2019 09:30
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Trip report: I survived! Everything was ship shape. The nurse was hot.
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Sep 25, 2019 10:58
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Awesome! I brought you a bouquet with a bear, they don't let balloons in the rooms anymore  e: Card reads "Get well soon" but I scratched off soon and wrote in now.
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Sep 25, 2019 11:02
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One time I bought a cheap wine opener and a few months later in a fit of drunken rage while trying to use it, I bent the screw so far it was utterly useless. Next, I googled how to push in the cork. Which I tried to do, but instead slipped and bashed the neck of the bottle against the sink, knocking it clean off in some kind of retarded, hillbilly version of sabering. My anus is made of stronger stuff than yours, I guess, because none of that so much as tickled it.
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Sep 25, 2019 12:33
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Lemon posted:For those unclear on the mechanics of the situation, I was not using my butthole in any way to remove the cork. It was simply caused by the exertion. My dad told me as a kid if I used a screwdriver on my bellybutton, my rear end would pop off. Try that?
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Sep 25, 2019 12:55
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What is it with goons and weak assholes? Pants making GBS threads stories are ten to the dozen, and now people are blowing their entire sphincters out just opening bottles
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Sep 25, 2019 13:03
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Lemon posted:For those unclear on the mechanics of the situation, I was not using my butthole in any way to remove the cork. It was simply caused by the exertion. I read that as "erection" Lemon posted:Trip report: I survived! Everything was ship shape. The nurse was hot. Did you strike up a conversation? The first question I would have asked is what's the weirdest thing your found in one o these
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Sep 25, 2019 13:13
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How’d you enjoy making GBS threads water poops for twelve hours? Anyways grats on the findings.
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Sep 25, 2019 13:18
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Wamdoodle posted:Did you strike up a conversation? The first question I would have asked is what's the weirdest thing your found in one o these Yeah, I wasn't trying to bring my A-game though. Apparently they go through about 15 people per day. That's a whole lot of butt-lookin'. Burt Sexual posted:How’d you enjoy making GBS threads water poops for twelve hours? Anyways grats on the findings. I thought it would be just like regular watery diarrhea, I wasn't prepared for how much it felt like my rear end had turned into a super-soaker. The pressure was something else.
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Sep 25, 2019 13:19
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I had to get an ultrasound on my ballsack recently and I thought it would be awkward but I ended up just having a casual conversation with the lady. In retrospect that's probably weirder than if I'd actually been awkward about it.
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Sep 26, 2019 07:59
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