What the fuck is up with bears?

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > What the fuck is up with bears?

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Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Icochet posted:

Yeah if some deranged quizmaster ambushed me and asked what this was called:

I'd definitely say 'hibernating'

Torpor is probably a word made up just to gently caress over people on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

that's how they got alan davies

# ? Oct 13, 2019 09:10

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# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:11

Escape From Noise: Jul 27, 2004

Lol at ppl itt acting like they actually understand bears.

# ? Oct 13, 2019 10:09

poverty goat: Feb 15, 2004

Pawn 17 posted:

edit: I was just reading the national park service page on bear attacks and apparently firearms not only aren�t very effective in bear attacks, but shooting a bear just puts it into murder mode making things even worse for you.

otoh unloading a gun into it is the only thing that will stop a bear in murder mode. but it might not

# ? Oct 13, 2019 13:35

Xaintrailles: Aug 14, 2015

poverty goat posted:

otoh unloading a gun into it is the only thing that will stop a bear in murder mode. but it might not

I dunno about only:

armoured vehicle
bucket of dioxygen difluoride
bigger and more murdery bear
charm animal
teleporting it into space

# ? Oct 13, 2019 14:04

a_gelatinous_cube: Feb 13, 2005

Isn't there some North American deer that can just randomly run like 60mph because North America used to be full of giant cheetahs?

# ? Oct 13, 2019 14:05

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

Zyklon B Zombie posted:

Isn't there some North American deer that can just randomly run like 60mph because North America used to be full of giant cheetahs?

That's the Doritos deer.
Common in the upper midwest because of the prevalence of the formerly common Chester Cheeto cheeta, which has sadly declined since the mid 80's due to predation.

# ? Oct 13, 2019 14:25

HugeGrossBurrito: Mar 20, 2018

Zyklon B Zombie posted:

Isn't there some North American deer that can just randomly run like 60mph because North America used to be full of giant cheetahs?

Pronghorn not 60mph but it has a higher sustained speed than a cheetah and can keep running fast for miles I think they are related to goats

# ? Oct 13, 2019 14:30

kecske: Feb 28, 2011; it's round, like always

quote:

In 1942, at a railroad station at Hamadan, Iran, Polish soldiers encountered a young Iranian boy who had found a bear cub whose mother had been shot by hunters. The young bear spent the next three months in a Polish refugee camp established near Tehran. In August the bear was donated to the 2nd Transport Company, which later became the 22nd Artillery Supply Company, and he was named Wojtek by the soldiers. The name Wojtek (Happy Warrior), is an old slavic name still common in Poland.

Wojtek was given fruit, marmalade, honey and syrup, and was often rewarded with beer, which became his favourite drink. He later also enjoyed smoking (or eating) cigarettes as well as drinking coffee in the mornings. He also would sleep with the other soldiers if they were ever cold in the night. He enjoyed wrestling with the soldiers and was taught to salute when greeted. With the 22nd Company, he moved to Iraq, and then through Syria, Palestine and Egypt. The cub grew up while on campaign, and by the time of the battle of Monte Cassino he weighed 200 pounds.

From Egypt, the Polish II Corps was reassigned to fight alongside the British 8th Army in the Italian campaign. Regulations for the British transport ship which was to carry them to Italy forbade mascot and pet animals. To get around this restriction, Wojtek was officially drafted into the Polish Army as a Private and listed among the soldiers of the 22nd Artillery Supply Company.

As an enlisted soldier with his own paybook, rank, and serial number, he lived with the other men in tents or in a special wooden crate, which was transported by truck. During the battle of Monte Cassino, Wojtek helped his unit to convey ammunition by carrying 100-pound crates of artillery shells, never dropping any of them. Wojtek carried boxes that normally required 4 men, which he would stack onto a truck or other ammunition boxes. This service at Monte Cassino earned him promotion to the rank of corporal. In recognition of Wojtek's popularity, a depiction of a bear carrying an artillery shell was adopted as the official emblem of the 22nd Company.

Following demobilization on 15 November 1947, Wojtek was given to Edinburgh Zoo, where he spent the rest of his life, often visited by journalists and former Polish soldiers, some of whom tossed cigarettes for him to eat, as he did during his time in the army. Wojtek died in December 1963, at the age of 21. At the time of his death he weighed nearly 490 lb, and was over 6 feet tall.

# ? Oct 13, 2019 14:33

Video Nasty: Jun 17, 2003

gary oldmans diary posted:

bears hibernate

lol fuckin' wrong bucko

# ? Oct 13, 2019 15:04

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

That polish war bear owns and I wish I had a chance to hang out with him and see what he could get up to because I bet it was a freaking blast

# ? Oct 13, 2019 15:17

bomb: Nov 3, 2005

I think bears are the least of your problems, OP

# ? Oct 13, 2019 15:23

Medieval Medic: Sep 8, 2011

Bears are my spirit animal, because I too am fat and hairy.

# ? Oct 13, 2019 15:35

Bust Rodd: Oct 21, 2008; by VideoGames

I am no joke crying over how loving beautiful this story is. Like this bear fought Nazis and snuggled his little squishy pals to keep them from freezing to death and was so beloved that in the middle of the most serious and dire war in human history some wise rear end was like "uh, lets just like make the bear a soldier so we can bring him"

# ? Oct 13, 2019 15:54

Icochet: Mar 18, 2008; I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~; Grimey Drawer

Ok one thousand unarmed goons vs one bear with artillery support?

# ? Oct 13, 2019 16:10

Video Nasty: Jun 17, 2003

Icochet posted:

Ok one thousand unarmed goons vs one bear with artillery support?

Just wait until they have a bearachute squadron to take us out from above.

# ? Oct 13, 2019 16:22

Escape From Noise: Jul 27, 2004

Bear down goons!

# ? Oct 13, 2019 16:23

Pickwick High: Aug 4, 2019; They call me Nutse

That bear will go apeshit on the guys that saved him

# ? Oct 13, 2019 17:20

Sex Skeleton: Aug 16, 2018; For when lonely nights turn bonely

Pickwick High posted:

That bear will go apeshit on the guys that saved him

It was just a prank!

# ? Oct 13, 2019 18:44

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Wasn�t there another bear video where two Canadians were in a tree blind and the bear was loving with them?

Edit ok not that one but lol

https://youtu.be/UucHtYr29cE

https://youtu.be/8jRTrRxamxQ

MarcusSA fucked around with this message at 07:00 on Oct 14, 2019

# ? Oct 14, 2019 06:56

tango alpha delta: Sep 9, 2011; Ask me about my wealthy lifestyle and passive income! I love bragging about my wealth to my lessers! My opinions are more valid because I have more money than you! Stealing the fruits of the labor of the working class is okay, so long as you don't do it using crypto. More money = better than!

I'm going down to the Bear Pits

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2ehZt4wa3k

# ? Oct 14, 2019 07:08

gary oldmans diary: Sep 26, 2005

Video Nasty posted:

lol fuckin' wrong bucko

you wish

# ? Oct 14, 2019 07:26

Bust Rodd: Oct 21, 2008; by VideoGames

https://twitter.com/adndotcom/status/873175081073213440?s=21

# ? Oct 14, 2019 13:43

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

That could be any of us

# ? Oct 14, 2019 13:45

Mozi: Apr 4, 2004; Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die; Nap Ghost

sing me the song of the piano bear
sing me that song tonight
'cause were all the mood for some honey
and you're mauling my guts out tonight

# ? Oct 14, 2019 13:47

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

I had a dream that I had to climb a snow covered cliff face to avoid a curious polar bear last night. Presumably because of this thread.
Or NOT because of this thread.
How about them apples (bears).

# ? Oct 14, 2019 14:00

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

here is a guy telling a story of getting attacked by a grizzly bear twice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOQAhKrOOww

he was hiking and came across a sow and two cubs. The sow spotted him, took the two bear cubs over a ridge, then came back and beat the crap out of him. He unloaded a can of bear spray as she charged and she still attacked him, but gave up after a few bites. Then he starts hiking out and the bear sees him again and just destroys this poor guy.

listening to him explain how he survived is :stonk:

at one point the bear breaks his arm and he lets out a yelp and it sets the bear off even more and it just starts throwing him around lol

anyways, the only way he survived as playing dead and covering his neck. This guy must be some kind of monk. He stayed so calm throughout the attack and afterwards. He took a video after he got back to his truck and the side of his head has a skin flap hanging down. then he tried to scribble a warning about the bear to post at the trail head but he bled all over it and his arm was broken

Ehud fucked around with this message at 14:33 on Oct 14, 2019

# ? Oct 14, 2019 14:30

wesleywillis: Dec 30, 2016; SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

Big deal, this bear trips on shrooms.
Hell yeah.

https://youtu.be/o_7za9D4kk8?t=20

# ? Oct 14, 2019 16:10

Grudgerm: May 4, 2012; by Reene

I was visiting some friends at New Hampshire and on the way there on the highway I saw a baby bear run across the road. Crazy poo poo huh.

# ? Oct 14, 2019 17:17

Mooey Cow: Jan 27, 2018; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Pillbug

The only thing I know that enters torpor, are vampires. Are bears vampires? You know I think they might be.

Those are bloodsucker fangs.

# ? Oct 14, 2019 18:37

Grudgerm: May 4, 2012; by Reene

Duh bears.

# ? Oct 14, 2019 19:12

Sex Skeleton: Aug 16, 2018; For when lonely nights turn bonely

tango alpha delta posted:

I'm going down to the Bear Pits

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2ehZt4wa3k

Whoa. Killer bears. Would have liked to have seen that.

# ? Oct 15, 2019 00:19

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Apparently their snouts are pretty sensitive in the ball kicking sense but I would not kick a bear in the balls and expect it to go well, either

# ? Oct 15, 2019 12:40

bloom: Feb 25, 2017; by sebmojo

Milo and POTUS posted:

Apparently their snouts are pretty sensitive in the ball kicking sense but I would not kick a bear in the balls and expect it to go well, either

Don't they say the same about sharks?

Who are these people going around punching apex predators?

# ? Oct 15, 2019 12:53

Lolie: Jun 4, 2010; AUSGBS Thread Mum

bloom posted:

Don't they say the same about sharks?

Who are these people going around punching apex predators?

If you're close enough to punch a (dangerous) shark in the snout, any hail Mary is worth a try. Of course you only hear about the times doing so allegedly saved someone, and not the times when people punched a shark and got chomped anyway.

# ? Oct 15, 2019 13:08

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

Grudgerm posted:

Duh bears.

It's

"Daaaaaaaaa Bears."

...the gently caress are you from? Sheboygan?

# ? Oct 15, 2019 13:12

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Big Beef City posted:

It's

"Daaaaaaaaa Bears."

...the gently caress are you from? Sheboygan?

Get 'em Big Beef City!

# ? Oct 15, 2019 13:15

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

gently caress off

# ? Oct 15, 2019 13:16

BexGu: Jan 9, 2004; This fucking day....

Between too lazy to gently caress and in general lazy as gently caress I think we can all agree Panda are the goons in the bear world

https://twitter.com/Crazyinnasia/status/1184153070181273600?s=19

BexGu fucked around with this message at 19:41 on Oct 15, 2019

# ? Oct 15, 2019 19:01

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# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:11

Icochet: Mar 18, 2008; I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~; Grimey Drawer

That's not clumsy, that's just fat

# ? Oct 15, 2019 19:42

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > What the fuck is up with bears?

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