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CaptainSarcastic
Jul 6, 2013



This is kind of related to the theme, but one Christmas during my first marriage my wife put a nicely-wrapped present next to the tree that was quite clearly a well-framed picture of some kind. From the dimensions I knew it was not a standard print but rather a triptych in a single frame, and without thinking said "You got me the Garden of Earthly Delights! Cool!"

She spent the next month or so doggedly insisting I was wrong and that it was something else entirely, to the point I actually started to doubt myself a little.

On Christmas day I opened it and of course it was the Garden of Earthly Delights.

She never let me live that down, and it probably contributed in some small way to our later divorce.

I still have that print in storage.

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SilvergunSuperman
Aug 7, 2010

Turdo posted:

When I was 16 my grandmother got me an almost full set of 30 year old thrift store golf clubs in a bag that had been mostly chewed apart by mice. I had never expressed any interest in golf and had absolutely no knowledge of how it was played, but due to this generous gift my parents forced me to attend tryouts for the school team that spring. I did not have any golf balls or even know what golf tees were. It was pretty embarrassing due to all the other kids knowing what they were doing, actually wanting to be there, and having equipment that didn't obviously belong in a dumpster. It turned out alright when the coach told me not to come back after the first day.

Read in Rodney Dangerfield's voice.

Julius CSAR
Oct 3, 2007

by sebmojo

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Read in Rodney Dangerfield's voice.

I decided to try this out, and just... wow lmao. Perfection.

Drunk Nerds
Jan 25, 2011

Just close your eyes
Fun Shoe
One Christmas my grandma gave me a gram of crack cocaine.

I told her I loved meth, dammit!

MageMage
Feb 11, 2007

I SUCK AND LOVE TO YELL PERFORMATIVE HOT TAKES AND NONSENSE LIES WHEN I GET WORKED UP. SOMETIMES AUTOBANNED IS BETTER. MAYBE ONE DAY WHEN I STORM OFF I'LL ACTUALLY STOP SHITTING UP THE SITE FOR REAL

Drunk Nerds posted:

One Christmas my grandma gave me a gram of crack cocaine.

I told her I loved meth, dammit!

"We have meth at home, dear"

Do it ironically
Jul 13, 2010

by Pragmatica
After reading the OP I didn’t realize the three olives origin story was as dire as it was

Mr. Bones
Jan 2, 2011

ain't no law says a skeleton can't play the blues
-A big box of assorted glitter glues from my aunt when I was 7
-A DVD copy of 'Big Fat Liar' starring Frankie Muniz and Amanda Bynes from my grandma when I was around 13
- A pair of Canadian flag patterned canvas sneakers, a joint gift from my mom and older sister, a couple of years ago.

shame on an IGA
Apr 8, 2005

A woodburned plaque with a swastika made of glow in the dark dildos

Minimum Syntaxing
Oct 29, 2008

He looks white, but he's the son of a black man!

azurite posted:

I got a Live Nudes neon sign from my uncle.

That’s fuckin cool though?

Apprently my brother picked out a gift for me on my grandma’s dime a couple Christmases ago. So he decided to get me some big anime tiddy game for the 3ds - Senran Kagura something Double-D edition.
I unwrapped it a little bit, recognized it as that big tiddy game we laughed about at a store a few months earlier, then finished unwrapping it at an angle my grandma couldn’t see the front/back from and slyly shuffled it between some other presents I got.
‘So how do you like it, what can you tell me about it?’ ‘It’s a cool game thanks grandma I love it’.

You Are A Werewolf
Apr 26, 2010

Black Gold!

When I was about 10, my affluent aunt got me a (what looked like a used) water bottle, a plain cheapo trucker's hat, and a (probably also used because they were not wrapped in plastic) deck of playing cards.

She handed me my "gift" in a crumpled up brown paper bag with nothing written on it.

Son of Rodney
Feb 22, 2006

ohmygodohmygodohmygod

Minimum Syntaxing posted:

That’s fuckin cool though?

Apprently my brother picked out a gift for me on my grandma’s dime a couple Christmases ago. So he decided to get me some big anime tiddy game for the 3ds - Senran Kagura something Double-D edition.
I unwrapped it a little bit, recognized it as that big tiddy game we laughed about at a store a few months earlier, then finished unwrapping it at an angle my grandma couldn’t see the front/back from and slyly shuffled it between some other presents I got.
‘So how do you like it, what can you tell me about it?’ ‘It’s a cool game thanks grandma I love it’.

Lmao let me guess, it suddenly disappeared shortly after and your brother locked his room a whole lot for a while?

Minimum Syntaxing
Oct 29, 2008

He looks white, but he's the son of a black man!

Son of Rodney posted:

Lmao let me guess, it suddenly disappeared shortly after and your brother locked his room a whole lot for a while?

I was 23 and he was 24 lmao, neither of us are into anime schoolgirls, he just wanted to embarrass me with a joke present.

dracky
Nov 8, 2010

My aunt and cousins came back from disneyland and gave me their half used hotel soaps

Nit Wit Dog Shit
Sep 28, 2000

Toilet Rascal
At one Christmas my Mom got me a paper shredder, and my brother got me a battery pack for jumping a dead car battery. OK, that's cool. Thanks.

Only my Mom gave me her old paper shredder, and kept the one she bought for me, and my brother did the same hing with the battery pack.

So, I got two used gifts, and my Mom ended up buying me the wrong book I asked for, and my brother bought me a sweatshirt completely opposite of what I asked for.

"It was a banner fuckin' year at the old Bender family."

Now I simply ask for gift cards. They can't gently caress that up.

Applesnots
Oct 22, 2010

MERRY YOBMAS

I got a Mr. Potato Head when I was 16 from a grandma with dementia. I took it to college with me.

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


My grandma gave me a sexy firemen calendar

i'm a lesbian

Kia Soul Enthusias
May 9, 2004

zoom-zoom
Toilet Rascal

MageMage posted:

Jokes on them, my family is all dead lol!!

You are the gift that keeps on giving.

Chrs
Sep 21, 2015

One year my brother’s girlfriend got him an Apple Watch and he got her an electric toothbrush lol

Sunswipe
Feb 5, 2016

by Fluffdaddy

Chrs posted:

One year my brother’s girlfriend got him an Apple Watch and he got her an electric toothbrush lol

I feel that this is bait for a really obvious joke.

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

My wife's aunt got me as a secret santa one year and bought me a bunch of child-sized tools, like "Kiddie's First Screwdriver Set" or something. I got a little hammer, screwdrivers, tape measure, and level. I don't know if she thinks I'm developmentally disabled or what, but the joke's on her because that little screwdriver works incredibly well for random tasks around the house.

Growing up my grandma knew I "liked art" and got me a big colored pencil set basically every year from 8-18.

Beachcomber
May 21, 2007

Another day in paradise.


Slippery Tilde

CaptainSarcastic posted:

This is kind of related to the theme, but one Christmas during my first marriage my wife put a nicely-wrapped present next to the tree that was quite clearly a well-framed picture of some kind. From the dimensions I knew it was not a standard print but rather a triptych in a single frame, and without thinking said "You got me the Garden of Earthly Delights! Cool!"

She spent the next month or so doggedly insisting I was wrong and that it was something else entirely, to the point I actually started to doubt myself a little.

On Christmas day I opened it and of course it was the Garden of Earthly Delights.

She never let me live that down, and it probably contributed in some small way to our later divorce.

I still have that print in storage.

What did you have to live down? Knowing art?

Kullik
Jan 5, 2017

Probably that time my grandmother got me a minecraft themed joke book, i was like 24 and had never actually played minecraft or shown any interest in it.

Ocean Book
Sep 27, 2010

:yum: - hi
ritual gift giving is always terrible, I don't know why we still do this as a culture

Hyrax Attack!
Jan 13, 2009

We demand to be taken seriously

A Radio Shack robot that could slowly walk forward and point an arm. Might have been good for a 4 year old but I was in my teens, Grandpa.

EL BROMANCE
Jun 10, 2006

COWABUNGA DUDES!
🥷🐢😬



Nit Wit Dog poo poo posted:

At one Christmas my Mom got me a paper shredder, and my brother got me a battery pack for jumping a dead car battery. OK, that's cool. Thanks.

Only my Mom gave me her old paper shredder, and kept the one she bought for me, and my brother did the same hing with the battery pack.

So, I got two used gifts, and my Mom ended up buying me the wrong book I asked for, and my brother bought me a sweatshirt completely opposite of what I asked for.

"It was a banner fuckin' year at the old Bender family."

Now I simply ask for gift cards. They can't gently caress that up.

At least you get to shred things in order of difficulty - book, sweatshirt, battery - in front of the people who gave them to you.

pixaal
Jan 8, 2004

All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.


My aunt who never had kids and hadn't seen us in awhile. I'm 10 my brother is 6. She got me a toy ambulance that had giant buttons one said "If you need help dial nine one one" I remember this because this toy became my brothers favorite toy for the next year. To this day he probably still thinks that gift was for him. What she got him was a toy for an infant, the hanging things on a little pole with legs that the kid bats with their hands. He wouldn't have fit under this thing let along be in the right age group.

She "made it up to me" by getting me a birthday gift, which was she knit a lopsided and itchy sweeter that was way too big so I fit into it for the next few years and it was super itchy and I hated it and always had to put it on when we saw her, which was thankfully once or twice a year. She tried at least, still what a kid really wants is $20 and a trip to the toy store.

CaptainSarcastic
Jul 6, 2013



Beachcomber posted:

What did you have to live down? Knowing art?

I ruined the surprise of her special gift by reflexively recognizing the dimensions of a triptych. :shrug:

We get along fine, now - we always at least touch base on each other's birthdays.

Son of Rodney
Feb 22, 2006

ohmygodohmygodohmygod

CaptainSarcastic posted:

I ruined the surprise of her special gift by reflexively recognizing the dimensions of a triptych. :shrug:

We get along fine, now - we always at least touch base on each other's birthdays.

Lemme go ahead and judge your entire former relationship from the two posts I saw: if she got mad about this and you think it had a part in your subsequent divorce then you should be drat thankful that it happened.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Read in Rodney Dangerfield's voice.

:nice:

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Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

Hyrax Attack! posted:

A Radio Shack robot that could slowly walk forward and point an arm. Might have been good for a 4 year old but I was in my teens, Grandpa.

You're not talking about Robie, right? because that little dude owns



nyeeeeoowwwwww look at that

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