- Escape From Noise
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I love Middle Earth and all its hobbits and goblins and poo poo as much as the next orb but Lord of the Rings needs a bit of an update. I mean they're just getting trounced in the ratings by Harry Potter. Ask a kid to name a wizard who do you think they'll say? Gandalf? Yeah right. Maybe Merlin if you're lucky. You know they'll say Harry Potter or one of the characters. And that's fine! But LOTR needs an edge. Here are my contributions.
Gandalf no longer smokes a pipe, he vapes! Hell yeah! Gandalf is now on Youtube uploading videos of his sick vape tricks and showing people how to build the best rigs that'll have you blowin' sick clouds bigger than even Smog could manage! But hold onto your butts because that's not it! Gandalf even shows you how to cast protections spells on your vape rigs preventing them from exploding in your face. Also he's no longer gray or white. Gandalf dresses in all kinds of wild-rear end colors and just rages on that rig. Like he starts blowing a sick cloud and the latest Skrillex just start blaring all sick and suddenly, as the bass drops you realize that it's actually in the shape of a massive luxury yacht but we're just getting started. Zoom in on the yacht and, what's that? The deck of the yacht is filled with little vape people bumping and grinding in their swimwear (some are even nude! others are like smoking joints and stuff) but lol if you think that's it. Zoom in up top and their's a little vape DJ on the deck but THERE IS MORE! SERIOUSLY! Stop trying to walk off! It's disgraced forums mod Deadmau5 and he's just fuckin' goin' to TOWN! You can even see little vape sweat drops on him. But he will not stop. Return to a wide shot and (bass drop) Gandalf is blowing another sick cloud and it's taking the shape of a giant squid that then eats the yacht. Then Gandalf breaks down how he did the tricks in a little tutorial.
The dwarfs that accompany Bilbo on his journey are now a skate crew who tear it up sick nasty every chance they get. Imagine this: they escape Smog's lair but just fuckin' grinding the hell out of that mountain as some sick thrash metal or something blares. Bonus: this is also when Frodo truly learns to skate after spending most of the quest up until that point trying to learn but just constantly beefing really hard (and constantly being put in the crash reel of the dwarfs' skate videos). It's not just gnar as gently caress it's also uplifting.
Escape From Noise fucked around with this message at 18:29 on Feb 12, 2020
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Feb 12, 2020 07:44
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Apr 26, 2024 12:50
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- Escape From Noise
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Legolas and Gilmi now wear Oakleys and hi five a lot
Legalos is also vegan and is always working on getting Gimli to take up the lifestyle but in a friendly and respectful way.
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Feb 12, 2020 08:03
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- Escape From Noise
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Nobody's done a song about LOTR since Led Zeppelin. We need to get a newer artist signed on to write one. Maybe Gucci Main?
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Feb 12, 2020 08:34
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- Macnult
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The recording of a crowd chanting ‘Worldstar!’ is edited into Saruman and Gandalf’s fight, hinting the severity of the dispute to the viewer.
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Feb 12, 2020 08:44
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- Escape From Noise
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The recording of a crowd chanting ‘Worldstar!’ is edited into Saruman and Gandalf’s fight, hinting the severity of the dispute to the viewer.
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Feb 12, 2020 08:44
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- Macnult
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Aragorn: “Wait, beer has gluten? Isn’t it only in cheese?”
[Merry and Pippin both let out a sigh]
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Feb 12, 2020 09:03
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- Escape From Noise
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It's Smaug, not Smog, you half-literate swine!
Sorry but it needs an update. Get with the times!
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Feb 12, 2020 09:23
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- Chrs
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Gollum doesn’t give a gently caress about the ring and is just a crackhead who’s decided to tag along
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Feb 12, 2020 10:18
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- Escape From Noise
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Gollum doesn’t give a gently caress about the ring and is just a crackhead who’s decided to tag along
He just wants the precious... metal
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Feb 12, 2020 11:07
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- Peg Sliderskew
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Tom Bombadil is now rapping his little songs, which have been brought up to date so they are about his Gucci clothes and his girlfriend Goldbitchy. He still gets left out of the movies though.
Courtesy of Manifisto
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Feb 12, 2020 11:19
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- Escape From Noise
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Sauran becomes a Twitch streamer and is so full of himself, that he streams his battles against his enemies in real-time.
Escape From Noise fucked around with this message at 12:45 on Feb 12, 2020
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Feb 12, 2020 12:42
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- Escape From Noise
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Samwise no longer lifts his traveling companions' spirits with taters, but with hand roasted bulletproof coffee he makes in the AeroPress he always carries with him.
Escape From Noise fucked around with this message at 13:04 on Feb 12, 2020
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Feb 12, 2020 12:53
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- Escape From Noise
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Ents are now made of/smoke weed
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Feb 12, 2020 13:01
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- Escape From Noise
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Feb 12, 2020 14:27
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- take the moon
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by sebmojo
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gandalf guesting on joe rogan
jr: so you're like, an alien or some poo poo? lmao
gandalf: who knows man *smokes huge dmt bowl chugs 40oz of flammable whiskey eats fistful of shrooms eyeball doses 4 tabs of 1p lsd 4mg klonopin rails line of ket smokes bowl of salvia laced with chunks of ambien*
jr: can i get a hit of that pipeweed
g: not sure u could handle total ego death reverse perception of time linguistic distentegration living out aeons for each second complete collapse and rebirth of universe life monad crystal upgrade to cosmic brain fall to cosmic toes cycle through a few times visit of shadow people psychedelic fractals inverted colours and body high that feels like someones washing out each cell with nectar of cosmic hivebugs lets just keep it chill lol
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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!
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Feb 12, 2020 15:08
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- Macnult
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Wormtongue's "subtle poisons" are now him convincing Theoden to repeatedly take The Tide Pod Challenge.
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Feb 12, 2020 16:12
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- take the moon
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by sebmojo
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google sauron paul
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Feb 12, 2020 16:54
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- magic cactus
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We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.
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elvish princess gets surrounded by nazgul on the river what happens next will SHOCK you!
Thanks to Saoshyant for the amazing spring '23 sig!
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Feb 12, 2020 21:28
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- DelilahFlowers
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Legolas and Gimli can finally get married after the Supreme council of the Reunited Kingdom passed Gay Marriage Laws. Elves and humans could get married for millenia. Heck, orcs could marry other races sooner than man between man (although they are still heavily discriminated against even after the collapse of sauron and mordor). Regardless, progress is progress.
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Feb 13, 2020 02:06
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- Chrs
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Nobody's done a song about LOTR since Led Zeppelin.
Not true: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5Oi0vn415w
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Feb 13, 2020 12:23
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- Chrs
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Fair lol
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Feb 13, 2020 12:43
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Feb 12, 2020 07:44
