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i'm tellin ya whammies are coming back
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Feb 25, 2020 23:51
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 22:35 |
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A whammy dressed in a white coat hands you a piece of paper that simply reads “PROVIDER OUT OF NETWORK” and then takes your money from you.
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Feb 26, 2020 00:15
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A whammy comes on MSNBC to call your money Nazis
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Feb 26, 2020 00:19
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You are living a happy life with your money. You are good citizens and praise dear emperor Whammy with all your heart and soul. You both share a peaceful evening listening to state news on the radio. A loud crash tears through your small brutalist apartment. Three armed soldiers rush into your living room with their rifles trained on your money. A whammy, smartly dressed in a buerocratic officers suit briskly walks in behind them. He snickers maniacally and produces a glossy photo of your money at a protest rally. You watch from your 15th story window as they stuff your money into a black sedan.
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Feb 26, 2020 01:08
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Tree Goat posted:your money is getting a degree in social sciences from a liberal arts college and meets the whammy at a party. there is some hesitant flirting but it's more just for fun, a way of reminding each other that they are young and have a life ahead of them. when, a few weeks later, your money and the whammy kiss, it's different but still feels something like an accident, just one more story to tell once your money finally decides to settle down. but after a few weeks of hookups and shared dinners and conversations that last into the early morning it feels right in a way none of your money's previous flings ever have. the next few years together are not without arguments and friction but your money and the whammy can feel themselves making space for each other in their lives. there's nothing like a big dramatic proposal. your money and the whammy just wake up one day to weekend sunlight from the venetian blinds in their small apartment together and they just know that they want to be married, that there is an "us" they want to preserve against the lonely world. 
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Feb 26, 2020 01:14
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A whammie fills your money’s lungs with fluid, your money tries to tell their family they love them one more time. Words fail. Everyone is crying.
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Feb 26, 2020 01:18
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A whammy, dressed as law enforcement, shoots your money in the back without sufficient provocation. You lose your civil action for wrongful death against the City and you are subsequently harassed by law-enforcement whammies to such a degree that you move halfway across the country.
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Feb 26, 2020 01:31
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april, 1945. the geldbunker. your money calls a meeting of the general staff. the situation, your money is informed, is grim. the enemy is operating in the north, and in the east has reached the last strategic lines on the outskirts of the city. your money discounts its generals' concerns with a dismissive wave. "the whammy's assault will put everything in order." there is silence for a beat, then two. finally, your money's chief of staff clears his throat. "mein geld," he stammers, "the whammy was not able to gather enough forces. the whammy's attack was not carried out."
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Feb 26, 2020 02:14
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Your money wins a democratic election in South America and the CIA backs a whammy led coup
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Feb 26, 2020 02:35
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Your government had pegged the national currency to whammy mining but, when the foreign demand for whammy fell, all the social programs that feed you and your money were gutted and you found yourself scrounging for something to sustain you. You didn't want to kill the old man but he refused to share what was in his store room. You slowly open the door. The old woman whammy inside hesitates, giving you time to see the shotgun and quickly dive out of the way. The shot deafens you. You wrench the gun from her shaking hands and throw her to the ground. You turn around and see your money with a hole in its chest. The sound of the whammy's sobs turn to giggles and then riotous laughter.
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Feb 26, 2020 03:23
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Feb 26, 2020 04:33
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I scrolled through this whole thread and I still don't understand what a Whammie is.
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Feb 26, 2020 06:07
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a whammie just walks up to you, takes your money, and kicks you in the balls
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Feb 26, 2020 06:59
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A whammy family goes to visit their grandfather in the nursing home. The grandfather stirs, then awakens. "Grandpa!" "...what?" "Grandpa, it's me Julie!" "...I DON'T WANT ANY GODDAMN STEAK KNIVES - GET OUT OF MY NEIGHBORHOOD" The whole family cries as the doctor restrains the grandfather and injects him with a sedative "We can't afford this much longer", says the mother The father tells the children to leave the room so he can pray with grandpa. He closes the door and smothers the grandfather with a pillow until he stops moving. Fast-forward to the reading of the will, and the attorney says "and my entire estate and all its assets should be bequeathed to Bugs Bunny" The family's jaws drop, as their expected inheritance was lost to the mind of a madman
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Feb 26, 2020 07:23
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While his real name was "Leroy Brown," only his parents called him that. To everybody else around town he was "Encyclopedia," because he was always reading books and applying what he had learned to help solve mysteries around Idaville. His father, Chief Brown, ran the local police, but the rest of the force would probably be shocked to know that whenever there was a case Chief Brown couldn't solve, he'd turn to his ten-year old son for help! Encyclopedia Brown was so good at solving mysteries that he'd even set up a detective office in the garage. He and his best friend and business partner Sally Kimball had hung a sign over the garage that said "25 cents per day, plus expenses – no case too small." This evening Chief Brown barely touched his dinner. Encyclopedia Brown knew this was because his father was worried about a tough case. "What's wrong, father?" Encyclopedia asked. At first Chief Brown had been reluctant to discuss police matters with his son, but he had grown used to accepting his help. "It's this robbery that I can't seem to crack. Somebody took a bunch of this contestant's money in Press Your Luck, and we can't figure out who." "Doesn't the Whammy normally take the money in that game? It would certainly have motive and opportunity" said Encyclopedia. "That's what we thought at first, but the Whammy had an alibi. It claims that there was no way that it could have taken the money that day, since it was far too distraught about the destruction of the space shuttle. Sure enough, we went to the Whammy's apartment and it was full of memorabilia from the space program. Shuttle models, signed photos from astronauts, the works. Such a big fan never would have gone in to work on such a tragic day for NASA." Encyclopedia Brown knew that it was polite to wait before answering, even if you already knew the answer. So he waited until he had cleared away the plates before speaking. "Father, call your men to arrest the Whammy. It was lying. There's no way that the loss of the space shuttle stopped it from stealing the contestant's money," said Encyclopedia. "How do you know that?" said Chief Brown, shocked. "It's simple–" To find out how Encyclopedia knew, turn to the next post! Tree Goat fucked around with this message at 08:11 on Feb 26, 2020 |
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Feb 26, 2020 07:45
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Solution: Encyclopedia knew right away that the Whammy's alibi couldn't be true, because the Challenger disaster occurred in 1986 on a Tuesday (during the original "Press Your Luck" run), while the Columbia disaster occurred in 2003 on a Saturday (during the "Whammy! The All-New Press Your Luck" run). Neither version of the show aired new episodes on those days. The Whammy, as a critical component of the show, would have known that, and so must have been lying. Chief Brown arrested the Whammy, who admitted that he had used the contestant's money to purchase NASA memorabilia in order to furnish an alibi for himself. Tree Goat fucked around with this message at 08:02 on Feb 26, 2020 |
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Feb 26, 2020 07:45
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Whammy shits its pants and wipes the poo poo away with your money
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Feb 26, 2020 08:15
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Tree Goat posted:While his real name was "Leroy Brown," only his parents called him that. To everybody else around town he was "Encyclopedia," because he was always reading books and applying what he had learned to help solve mysteries around Idaville. Goddamn I used to read these books like mad in Grade 1. That and "The Great Brain" series. Thanks for the Grade A flashback.
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Feb 26, 2020 08:23
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Tree Goat posted:Solution: Holy poo poo lmao
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Feb 26, 2020 13:35
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Salem Saberhagen posted:a whammy has pegged your currency
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Feb 26, 2020 16:36
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The Whammy convinces you to invest in WhammyCoin. You lose everything.
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Feb 26, 2020 19:26
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A wild whammy attacks you, but your money jumps in to defend you. The fight is vicious, but your money emerges victorious. Panting and shuddering, it limps towards you and puts its head in your lap. You thank it and tell it to rest now. You tell it that everything's okay. As you stroke your brave money's blood-slicked fur, your vision is fixed on the body of the dead whammy and the foamy saliva around its mouth.
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Feb 26, 2020 20:16
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 22:35 |
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A Whammy decapitates your money bag with a giant sword. The whammy lifts the cash-stained sword to the sky while lightning strikes all around.
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Feb 26, 2020 20:28
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