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I get now why they call it a convenience store, whenever I go to the store, grab every t bone steak and keg of mead I see and go to the line- everyone just runs away. Bonus: Cashier runs away too, free stuff. Convenient! I really dislike going into the parking lot though, angry men in blue are shouting at me to lay down, they are tiny and puny, like kids , so I do what they say - my mother - Gudfrig Eye Slurper McBoneface always told me to be kind to those less fortunate because they will die and go to Hel, and not to Valhalla like big bros do. I got a free ride in one of their cars, but they stopped, complaining about a foul smell, I don't know - I showered last fall - anyways, I got bored , so I kicked the door out and went for a walk, haven't seen them since. They really do like barbarians here though, I see my face on the magic picture box now, and on posters all around - I am so wanted they want to pay me 10,000$ , but I am a shy guy and I never really cared for moeny anyways - as I said , the convenience store is quite convenient. Well most of them, some stores suck "no shirt no service" - I never get any service anyways, but some get really angry and shout at me. I don't get why people are so rude. Ehhh... I guess that's me. I am Bob, the Viking. |
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May 1, 2020 14:50
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 22:55 |
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Goblin: Can squish Poison Mushroom: Can squish Ravenous Pincher Beetle: Can squish Corona Virus: Too small to squish 
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May 1, 2020 15:31
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The love of my life, Karen Knife Wife asked me to go to the kindergarten to pick up the kids, I will do anything for Karen, (but not that thing with knives and my penis she tells me to do when she is angry)... so i go to the kindergarten and i pick up all the kids, some of them begin to scream and then the ugly lady with saggy tits comes outside and yells at me to drop the kids, i drop the kids, now everyone is screaming- what was the point of that? seriously? i don't get these people. anyways, the men in blue are very angry again so I better go, see you soon.
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May 1, 2020 16:12
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<3 
<3 Vanisher
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i went to a mixed martial arts tournament but i wasn't allowed to bring my battle axe so I ripped off the cage door... but the coward ran away screaming
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May 1, 2020 23:44
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too smart to die
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May 2, 2020 10:06
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court mandated anger management classes are cultural genocide people, open your eyes!
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May 2, 2020 11:30
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Stoner Sloth posted:court mandated anger management classes are cultural genocide people, open your eyes! i am very good at anger management, anger management is important. if you don't know who you are angry at, how can you hold a blood feud without killing the wrong people?
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May 2, 2020 13:45
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Berzerker at an anger management meeting: Berzerker: Hi, my name is Bob Berserker- I have an anger problem. Everyone: Hi, Bob! Berserker Bob: It's been 30 days since my last rage freakout. I feel like I may have this under control finally... Prince's "Let's Go Crazy" plays from someone outside's car stereo. Hours later... Berserker Bob **rubbing eyes**: Wha... wha happened? https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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May 2, 2020 16:09
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inspired by the dandy fashions of Eberron, Bob attempts to store coin in the crotch of his loincloth, only for it to spill out onto the forest floor.
crimes |
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May 2, 2020 17:29
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walking in the park some peasant bumped into me, as is required by law - i started him in the eyes to assert my dominance, he got really upset and insecure, but he must have been brave too because he said "come at me bro" - I am not his brother, but non the less - i accepted the challenge and agreed to holmgang. the peasant soon realised that he was outmatched and started running away, but as is tradition, only one leaves the holm alive. anyways - i threw my axes at him, but he didn't make it easy, it took three axes to the lardy peasants back before he fell. the crowd seemed a bit squeamish and no one was cheering when the holmgang was over... in fact, some seemed to be very angry with me... i invited them to settle their differences with another round of holmgang, but they just went away. also, i think i can hear the loud wailing noise those men in blue makes with their carriages... see you soon! Bob the Viking, rune carving out Uxzuigal fucked around with this message at 17:49 on May 3, 2020
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May 3, 2020 17:01
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when the city folk mock my speech, i can feel the berserkergang rise
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May 3, 2020 17:25
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the small man keeps asking me if "my love is like a truck". i have already told him my love is like a skald's maidensong, tender yet forbidden. yet his pestering does not cease.
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May 3, 2020 17:40
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i keep biting my shield but this is not working anymore TIME TO GET NAKED
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May 3, 2020 17:42
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i invite everyone to a fleinsopp eating contest, the winner will spend a night with my wife Karen Knife Wife, if they dare! and, remember to eat bread and drink water as you arrive... as is customary - anyone whom drinks water and eats bread in a household is a guest, and guests cannot be murdered!
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May 3, 2020 17:50
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I tell pretty maiden my love for her is like a truck. I ask her "would you like to making gently caress?" but she does not like to making gently caress. |
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May 3, 2020 18:01
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Finger Prince posted:I tell pretty maiden my love for her is like a truck. I ask her "would you like to making gently caress?" but she does not like to making gently caress. join our next raid, we will go to England, I hear there are many cow faced wenches to be had!
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May 3, 2020 19:17
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i was in the woods, you know, being a berserker and all when i bumped into a Úlfhéðnar and he seemed cool but... is this okay?
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May 3, 2020 19:46
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imagine if ur muscles biceps were so big u couldn’t see ur hands
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May 4, 2020 01:15
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I’m imagining right now and it’s a little crazy
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May 4, 2020 01:16
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being a barbarian in a fist fight is kinda hard, my hands are so big i cannot see the face of the guy i want to punch
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May 4, 2020 01:28
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I can’t seee my wiener no I’m not fat I have a very muscular pelvis
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May 4, 2020 01:30
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imagine a v so vicious and acute that ur weiner at the po in t is gone antimatter
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May 4, 2020 01:31
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biosterous posted:the small man keeps asking me if "my love is like a truck". i have already told him my love is like a skald's maidensong, tender yet forbidden. yet his pestering does not cease. |
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May 4, 2020 02:56
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I keep end up being the last poster in every thread because my fist are flying so fast. |
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May 4, 2020 03:15
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what's even the point of practicing meditation every day if i'm only needed when i'm angry |
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May 4, 2020 03:17
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my only regret with being a barbarian berserker is that i never get to go to valhalla, i always win the fights...
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May 4, 2020 16:00
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Im not a pervert, officer, clothes just slow me down |
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May 4, 2020 16:30
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just once i'd like to adventure in the northern wastes and not freeze my nuts off due to only wearing a loincloth
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May 4, 2020 17:04
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before going on a viking raid, i usually drive in rush hour traffic, nothing gets the berserkergang going like pure unrelenting road rage
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May 4, 2020 18:57
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i am honestly very lost, help. i keep getting mad and redding out, and when i return to awareness i'm somewhere very different, i start a new life and then the cycle starts again. now i'm a place where no one speaks my language and there are way more snakes than i am comfortable with please help
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May 5, 2020 19:46
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snakes are an omen of wicked things to come, may it finally be RAGNAROK? WILL WE FINALLY GO TO VALHALLA?
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May 5, 2020 21:50
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Does that punk Loki ever get in your grill? |
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May 6, 2020 19:12
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Prurient Squid posted:Does that punk Loki ever get in your grill? loki is puny and weak, i just lift him up and throw him over the table most of the time. that usually starts a brawl and he for some reason seems to be laughing still
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May 6, 2020 19:58
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Uxzuigal posted:snakes are an omen of wicked things to come, may it finally be RAGNAROK? WILL WE FINALLY GO TO VALHALLA? i hope so! i've been winking at this valkyrie post battle for YEARS now and i can tell she's into me
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May 6, 2020 20:55
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Heather Papps posted:i hope so! i've been winking at this valkyrie post battle for YEARS now and i can tell she's into me eh, i hear if you kill a bull and drink its red wings - you too can have wings, maybe try?
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May 7, 2020 10:36
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 22:55 |
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Wait- when did I even learn to read? To type? What sorcery is this?? |
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May 7, 2020 12:43
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