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In the late 1940's in the USSR, Russian holiday scientists were carrying out top secret experiments on the effects of a full Thanksgiving Dinner over the course of several days. Five political prisoners were promised freedom if they took part in the experiment. They were trying to see how many times the human body could tolerate a full turkey dinner with all the fixings, plus several deserts. Scientists were on duty to monitor the participants through a porthole of one way glass, and could hear what was happening through microphones installed in the chamber. Participants were held in a sealed chamber through which the smell of cooking turkey and pie was constantly circulated with a new spread being delivered through the triple sealed access doors every day. During this time a football game was constantly being played as well as footage of the Macey's Thanksgiving day parade. For the first several days participants seemed to enjoy the meals and would frequently nap, drink wine, and catch up with each other about what they'd been up to in the days and months leading up to the "holiday season". The only source of conflict seemed to come from that uncle. Yeah. You know the one. Most of the participants tried to avoid him, but he'd eventually corner each of them to share his opinions on the current state of affairs in this country or try to give unsolicited advice on possible career paths. For about a week nothing was that amiss, except for a lot more farting than before. Also naps became more frequent, probably due to the tryptophan in the turkey and the large amounts of red wine being consumed. Slowly the conversations that the participants had between one another and whispered through the one way glass became somewhat darker and more disjointed. Some muttering indecipherably to themselves. On the 9th day one participant started rambling about how Thanksgiving doesn't have any songs and became totally obsessed with the writing of one, despite none of the participants having any real musical training or experience. They roped in another to help, but by the 10th day they had mashed at the piano for so long that they'd warn their fingers and even toes down to bloody stubs. The person they had roped in was well on their way to the same fate by the 12th day. Other participants had such pronounced cases of the itis were napping all day, only waking up to eat more of the food or go use the toilet. On the 13th day participants had smeared the viewing port with cranberry sauce and stuck pages of the TV Guide over the viewing port so that the scientists could no longer directly observe what was happening in the Thanksgiving Chamber. They tried to listen in but were met with almost complete silence. They tried to communicate through the intercom for several days but were met with no response. Eventually they got a response from one subject communicating compliance so long as the Thanksgiving scents and meals kept coming. Officials then decided to stop the flow of meals and turn off the scents. Upon opening the chamber the scientists were horrified by what they saw! Only four of the participants survived. The fifth's remains were found stuck into the piano keys as if they had obliterated themselves trying to write the perfect Thanksgiving tune. The surviving four were in various stages of trying to turn themselves into turkeys with the crafting supplies that had been provided. They begged the scientists to continue the flow of meals and scents and killed one soldier that tried to remove them, and severely injured another. They tried to rehabilitate one participant after treating their many injuries and return them to a more common diet, but they died after being forced to eat some soup. It was found that the participants had grown inhumanly strong and resistant to pain. Finally the three remaining participants invited the scientists into the chamber for Thanksgiving Dinner! HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Escape From Noise fucked around with this message at 19:22 on Nov 22, 2020 |
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Nov 22, 2020 09:11
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 22:52 |
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 this belongs on the front page
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Nov 22, 2020 16:06
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Slush Garbo posted:
There's a front page? 
Escape From Noise fucked around with this message at 19:16 on Nov 22, 2020 |
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Nov 22, 2020 16:23
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i like the one about the turkey dinner that's normal as long as somebody's looking at it but once they blink it instantly starts feeding itself to them
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Nov 22, 2020 19:19
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i found this weird gameboy cartridge, it seems be labelled "thankstris". i played it and it seemed to be normal tetris, but when i got to level 66 it changed to level 666 and whenever i cleared a line, instead of disappearing it melted into a pool of hyper-realistic gravy i wanted to stop but i couldn't let go i kept playing and the screen filled up with more and more gravy, and i started smelling cranberry sauce, and the screen filled up and i passed out and when i woke up... i felt super full and took a nap!!!
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Nov 22, 2020 19:23
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biosterous posted:i found this weird gameboy cartridge, it seems be labelled "thankstris". i played it and it seemed to be normal tetris, but when i got to level 66 it changed to level 666 and whenever i cleared a line, instead of disappearing it melted into a pool of hyper-realistic gravy Lol. Hyper realistic gravy! |
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Nov 22, 2020 19:27
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 22:52 |
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oh my sweet willy, you really blew it. if your girlfriend was in canada, surely she'd celebrate CANADIAN THANKSGIVING
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Nov 22, 2020 23:47
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