[ICSA 70] I WON THIS CHILI COOKOFF, BY A LOT!

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Goons with Spoons > [ICSA 70] I WON THIS CHILI COOKOFF, BY A LOT!

I. M. Gei: Jun 26, 2005; CHIEFS

BITCH

THIS THREAD IS STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION BUT NOW IT�S OPEN NOW. CHILI WILL ARRIVE SOON UNLESS I GET HIT BY A TRUCK. BOY I SURE HOPE I DON�T GET HIT A TRUCK. THAT WOULD HURT PROBABLY. :siren:

https://i.imgur.com/Ms4PEf1.gifv https://i.imgur.com/elmnqZi.gifv https://i.imgur.com/jS9UlV2.gifv https://i.imgur.com/qzHK18H.gifv https://i.imgur.com/gvJBZ83.gifv https://i.imgur.com/Ms4PEf1.gifv

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Howdy ~~friends~~ goons! I�m I. M. Gei, and today we�re going to talk about chili! We�ll discuss topics like what makes a good chili and why, and how what we think of as chili first came to be and then grew and evolved over time to become the dish we all know and love today. We�ll then walk through a recipe for a delicious (mostly) traditional Texas red chili, plus a couple of equally-wonderful side dishes you would often find served with Texas-style chili.

Our menu for today will feature:

Texas-style red chili with homemade beef broth
Savory borracho beans with beer and (also) homemade beef broth
Some bread made from a mix I got at my local butcher shop because I wanted to make 3 dishes and I was out of ideas for dish #3; I wanted to do something with cornbread but the quality of cornbread depends a lot on the quality of the cornmeal you use, and none of the stores near me really had anything decent when I checked around for this ICSA thing (maybe cuz of COVID, I dunno) and I couldn�t wait (or afford to pay) for shipping on any online-order stuff

We�re gonna get to the chili-making in just a bit. But first, a quick history lesson!

[IMAGE]

Chili con carne � what most of us _{^{^{not from Cincinnati}}} know today as modern chili � traces its roots back to at least the 1500s in what is now central Mexico, where the Aztecs made thick soups and stews using chili peppers as a base. Eventually the Spanish came along and colonized the area; they introduced beef as a primary protein for these pepper stews sometime prior to the 1850s. During the Mexican-American War, soldiers in the Mexican army stationed near the Texas border often made a kind of �brick� chili con carne by dropping bricks of dried meat, peppers, and salt into boiling water. From there, the dish�s popularity spread throughout northern Mexico and, not long after, made its way into south Texas.

[IMAGE]

The first chile con carne in Texas was made by working-class people, and women especially, in the Tejano and Mexican communities. It was not � and still isn�t � a bougie dish. Rather, it was a common blue-collar working man�s food, an inexpensive meal made from readily-available ingredients that was simple to prepare, packed with calories and nutrition, and could feed an entire family easily. At some point, several of these people got the idea to set up stands and sell their chili to paying customers, a practice that became especially popular in San Antonio and gradually expanded throughout the state. The fame of chili grew greatly during this time, though it was still largely unknown outside of Texas.

During the 1890s chili gained popularity in one rather interesting place in particular: Texas prisons. Chili was so popular in the Texas prison system that some people mistakenly believed it was invented there. Jails and prisons in Texas were judged by inmates based on how good their chili was. After their release, many inmates wrote letters to their former institutions and others asking for their recipes, and legend has it that some released ex-cons missed the taste of jailhouse chili so much that they reoffended and went back to jail just to get more.

Around the turn of the 20th century, two things happened that helped chili achieve national attention. The first was the 1893 Chicago World�s Fair, which featured a chili stand that introduced a number of Americans outside Texas to the wonders of chili for the first time. The second was the advent of widely-available commercially-produced chili powder, first �invented� (supposedly, depending on who you ask) by William Gebhardt in 1894 after noticing that chili was the favorite dish of customers at his restaurant. At this time, chili could only be served seasonally, as the peppers needed to make it could only be harvested at a certain time of year; Gebhardt got around this by making his powder using ancho chilis from Mexico, which could be grown all year long. Gebhardt opened a chili powder factory in San Antonio in 1896, for which he invented and patented more than 30 machines, and chili powder was finally available to the masses on a large scale. Years later, in 1908, Gebhardt became one of the first Americans (after William G. Tobin) to produce and sell his own canned chili.

[PARAGRAPH THAT SEAMLESSLY CONNECTS EARLY 1900S CHILI poo poo TO MODERN DAY IN A WAY THAT SOUNDS GOOD AND MAKES CHRONOLOGICAL SENSE]

[PARAGRAPH ABOUT PRESENT DAY CHILI-RELATED poo poo]

Also there is a thing called �Cincinnati ��chili�� and it is different from REAL chili and has a different history and was invented completely independent from REAL ACTUAL GOOD chili and we�re not gonna talk about it cuz it is loving disgusting shitgarbage. FITE ME

*~*~* BROTH *~*~*
(NOTE: I made a double-size batch of this broth, so my pics will show more of the ingredients than this recipe calls for)

Ingredients

About 5 lbs beef bones, preferably with bits of meat still on them (you�ll get more flavor this way)
Vegetable oil (for drizzling on the bones and veggies)
1 celery rib, chopped
1 onion (preferably a sweet or yellow onion), chopped
1 carrot, chopped (OPTIONAL if you want to make it the old fashioned way)
Water (duh)
4 or 5 (or more) cloves garlic, diced or pressed (I always add more than this cuz garlic owns. At my house �1 �clove� garlic� is defined as �however much garlic you can fit in the hopper of your garlic press, and not a gram less�)
2 to 4 Tbsp tomato paste (OPTIONAL if you hate chili with tomato in it)
1 Tbsp whole black peppercorns
1 or 2 sprigs fresh thyme
1 sprig fresh tarragon (I didn�t use this in mine)
1 bay leaf (I didn�t use this either)
1 sprig fresh flat-leaf parsley

Equipment

A 5+ qt stock pot OR an Instant Pot
(OPTIONAL) A smoker (for roasting, instead of an oven), preferably a charcoal one, plus hickory and/or mesquite wood chips or chunks. Depending on your smoker setup, you�ll probably need a drip pan if you go this route.

Variations

If you want to make this stuff the �authentic� way, you can make it in a big stock pot over a stove. If you do it this way it�ll take a longass time to cook, though, like at least 10 to 12 hours.
This same recipe can pretty much be used to make chicken broth too. Just swap the beef bones with an equal amount of bone-in chicken breasts, don�t drizzle anything in oil, don�t bother with the roasting step at all (unless you wanna do the smoker thing for a few minutes to add some smoke flavor), and if you�re making it in a regular rear end pot on a stove and not in a pressure cooker, cook it for only like 3 or 4 hours instead of the 12+ hours you�d need for the beef broth.
If you�re a nerd and you want to do poo poo the historically accurate way for whatever reason, you should probably omit the carrots, as they likely wouldn�t have been widely available in Mexico or south Texas during the 19th and early 20th centuries. Carrots don�t like hot climates. Corn might be a good substitute.
You can omit the tomato paste if you�re a chili purist who scoffs at the idea of putting tomato in chili (which a lot of Texans are, me included, but I wanted to try it for this).

Instructions

.

*~*~* CHILI *~*~*

Ingredients

About 8 to 10 mixed dried chilies, de-stemmed and de-seeded (you�ll want a mix of a few hot ones, a few sweet ones, and a few bright and fruity ones, in roughly equal proportions (so like 2 to 4 of each chili). I normally use Arbol, Ancho, and New Mexico chilies for my mix, respectively)
2 or 3 whole canned chipotle chilies in adobo, plus 2 or 3 Tbsp adobo sauce
2 quarts beef or chicken broth (see recipe above), plus extra for adjusting thickness (you may need at least 3 quarts of either. In fact I�d say you will PROBABLY need at least that much, so make sure you have plenty of extra! Worst case, you can save what�s left and use it to make soup or something later)
(OPTIONAL) 1/2 to 1 cup raisins, chopped prunes, dried cranberries, or dried tart cherries (see the Variations section below to find out why you should totally try this at least once. Note that the amount of fruit you�ll want to add depends on how much of all the other ingredients you�re using. For example, if you�re using the minimum amounts of everything listed with variable quantities (3 lbs beef chuck instead of 4, 8 dried chilies instead of 10, etc) and you�re not adding any of the other optional ingredients, then just use 1/2 cup of fruit; if you�re using the max amounts of the variables and all of the optionals, throw in the full cup)
2 Tbsp lime juice (or orange juice, or grapefruit juice), plus extra to adjust taste (and I mean A LOT of extra, like at least 1/2 cup extra and preferably more. You likely won�t need all of it but you want to make sure you have enough. Note that lime juice is the �standard� option here; see the Variations section below for info on why those other two are there and why you should absolutely try using them sometime)
(OPTIONAL) 12 oz beer, or to taste (see the Variations section below for notes on what kind to use)
3 to 4 lbs whole beef chuck, sliced into steaks about 3/4� to 1� thick
1 to 2 lbs beef heart, sliced into... uhh... �steaks� about 1/2� to 3/4� thick
(OPTIONAL) 1 to 2 lbs oxtail (tons of people add oxtail to their chili with amazing results, but I have yet to figure out how the gently caress to do that with mine. I�ve only tried using it once and all it did was sit there looking gross)
16 oz (1 lb) Mexican beef chorizo, casing removed (not pictured... or added, because I loving forgot to add it DON�T MAKE MY MISTAKE)
(OPTIONAL) 1 lb beef back rib or short rib meat (that�s 1 lb of the MEAT ONLY, bones not included)
Salt and fresh-ground black pepper
Oil, for oiling your pan
1 onion (preferably a yellow onion), diced
At least 10 huge cloves garlic, minced or run through a garlic press (is there even such a thing as too much garlic?)
1 or 2 Tbsp dried Mexican oregano
1 1/2 Tbsp cumin seed OR ground cumin (preferably the former if you have a spice grinder)
(OPTIONAL) 1 to 1 1/2 tsp anchovy paste OR 2 to 3 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce, teriyaki sauce, or fish sauce (none of these are �authentic� Texas chili ingredients, but they�ll up your flavor game a lot. I had originally planned to add anchovy paste to my chili for this but the stuff I had on hand turned out to be expired)
1 tsp ground cinnamon OR the equivalent amount in stick form (preferably the latter, again, if you have a spice grinder)
(OPTIONAL) Dark bar chocolate or chocolate chips, somewhere between 60% and 80% cacao, to taste
(OPTIONAL) Hot sauce of your choice, to taste (I personally like using Cholula for chili, but your mileage may vary. DON�T GO OVERBOARD HERE! You only adding sauce for flavor right now, not for heat; your guests can add their own hot sauce to get their desired heat levels later)
(OPTIONAL) At least 2 Tbsp masa harina or maseca, and preferably more to be safe (while these are technically optional, it�s a good idea to have one of them on hand for adjusting flavor and/or consistency)
(OPTIONAL) Shredded cheese, chopped onion, peppers, sour cream, hot sauce, or any other toppings you like

Equipment

Either a big rear end cast iron dutch oven OR an Instant Pot (preferably at least an 8-quart) and a cast iron skillet. You�re gonna need something cast iron if you wanna do this poo poo right.
A blender, either a countertop one or an immersion one
(OPTIONAL) A smoker, preferably a charcoal one, plus hickory and/or mesquite wood chips or chunks. Depending on your smoker setup, you�ll probably need a drip pan if you go this route.
(OPTIONAL) A spice grinder

Variations

So a quick note about broth. It is VERY EXTREMELY COMMON to use chicken broth to make Texas-style beef chili instead of beef broth. And that is perfectly okay! Beef broth takes more effort and a waaaaaay longer time to make (without a pressure cooker) than chicken broth, and cow parts cost a bit more than chicken parts. Historically, 19th century people would�ve been way more likely to make their chili with chicken broth just because it was cheaper and easier to put together than beef broth, and saved the latter for like special occasions or something. Hell that�s still kinda true today. So yeah, if chicken broth is all you have on hand and you don�t feel like buying or making the other stuff, then by all means use that.
I HIGHLY recommend adding beer to this, although the particular type of beer you use is up to you. Dark beers add a lot of flavor, light or hoppy beers work a bit like your acids (citrus juice, vinegar, etc) to help cut some of that �muddy� taste from your peppers and whatnot, and beers infused with fruit juices give your chili both complexity and zest (if you live in Texas, Shiner makes a Ruby Redbird beer with grapefruit in it that�s great for this). �Standard� beers (is it obvious yet that I don�t know jack poo poo about beer?) are fine too, though; I used plain ol� Shiner Bock because it was all my store had.
A lot of people in the southwest, particularly New Mexico, like to add raisins and/or orange juice into their paste mix when making chili. It makes for some wild times and you should totes give it a try! Mix things up by swapping out the raisins with other dried fruits like cut-up prunes, dried cherries, or dried cranberries. You can also Texas it up a notch by subbing grapefruit juice for the orange juice.

Instructions

.

*~*~* BEANS *~*~*
If you like beans with your chili, here they are!

Borracho beans are a type of savory Mexican bean dish, similar to Charro beans but using beer as a cooking liquid � the word �borracho� is Spanish for �drunk�, hence the name. Sometimes beer is the primary (or only) liquid used; other times it�s mixed in with water and/or broth acting as the base. A lot of times you�ll see them at barbecue or Tex-Mex restaurants with bits of meat like beef, ham, or bacon added in. They�re loving excellent and a great accompaniment to chili... especially Texas red chili! No self-respecting Texan puts beans in a Texas-style chili, but there�s no rule saying you can�t have beans WITH your Texas-style chili!

Ingredients

1 to 2 lbs dried pinto, black, or red kidney beans, rinsed and picked free of dirt and rocks (yes, dirt and rocks show up in dried beans. All the time. DON�T SKIP THIS STEP!)
1 yellow onion, peeled and finely diced
At least 10 big rear end cloves garlic, minced or run through a garlic press
1 poblano pepper, stemmed, de-seeded, and finely diced
1 jalape�o pepper, stemmed, de-seeded, and finely diced
2 roma tomatoes, de-seeded and finely diced OR 3 to 4 Tbsp tomato paste (I used whole tomatoes, but in retrospect I wish I had used paste instead. Then again I�m not really a whole tomato guy though, so... y�know)
(OPTIONAL) 8 to 12 oz Mexican beef chorizo, casing removed
(OPTIONAL) Any cut-up pieces of meat you didn�t put in your chili OR a scoop or two of your actual chili OR a few cut-up strips of bacon
(OPTIONAL) 1/4 cup fresh cilantro leaves, chopped (a lot of people including your�s truly loving hate cilantro so I�m marking this as optional. I only used it here so I could include it in my pics)
2 Tbsp chili powder, preferably homemade
(OPTIONAL) 2 Tbsp dried Mexican oregano
(OPTIONAL) 1 or 2 Tbsp dark bar chocolate or chocolate chips, somewhere between 60% and 80% cacao (I haven�t tried this, but something in my head tells me it�s probably delicious. Dark chocolate works in chili all the time, so I assume the same principle applies here)
1 1/2 Tbsp cumin seed OR ground cumin (preferably the former if you have a spice grinder, just like the chili)
(OPTIONAL) 1 or 2 bay leaves
12 oz beer, preferably dark beer (my store didn�t have too many dark beers to pick from so I just used Shiner Bock, which is also fine)
1 quart beef or chicken broth OR water OR more beer
Salt and fresh ground black pepper, to taste
(OPTIONAL) Hot sauce of your choice, to taste

Equipment

Either a cast iron dutch oven OR an Instant Pot
(OPTIONAL) A cast iron skillet, if you wanna saute any of your ingredients before they go in your pot

Variations

TO SOAK OR NOT TO SOAK? Most of y�all know there�s a contentious debate about whether or not to soak beans in water overnight before cooking them. I�ve seen convincing arguments for both sides and I�m not gonna pick one here, BUT... for this recipe, if you�re making your beans the old fashioned way in a pot on a stove, or in a standard slow cooker, then you should probably soak them first. If you�re using an Instant Pot or some type of proper pressure cooker, then (I�m told) it�s not really necessary to soak, although you can if you want. I soaked mine so I could post pics of it.
Oftentimes borracho beans are made using beer INSTEAD OF broth or other flavoring liquid(s). If you wanna do that then be my guest. I�m using broth here since I like my beans with meaty flavor.

Instructions
This one is easy. Soak your beans for at least 12 hours, if you�re into that, in enough water to cover them by 2 or 3 inches. They�ll absorb a ton of that water and get bigger.

After that, pretty much just throw all your poo poo into a big pot (preferably a cast iron one), mix it around a little, bring it all to a nice boil on high heat, and then reduce the heat to low and let that cook partially covered for 2 or 3 hours, or until it�s super thick and the liquid has reduced a bunch. Or put everything in an Instant Pot and do the same with a shorter cook time. I did the latter and they came out amazing.

Once it�s all cooked, season with salt and pepper (and hot sauce if you want) to taste.

If you want, you can cook the veggies and garlic and poo poo in a skillet for a bit before you add them, until the onions start to turn translucent...... I didn�t do that, but it�s a thing you can do.

*~*~* BREAD *~*~*

Ingredients
* .

Equipment
* .

Variations
* .

Instructions

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https://i.imgur.com/Ms4PEf1.gifv https://i.imgur.com/jS9UlV2.gifv https://i.imgur.com/HZ8C0R2.gifv https://i.imgur.com/di7GpoD.gifv https://i.imgur.com/gxf70i3.gifv https://i.imgur.com/7TmQcjt.gifv https://i.imgur.com/7uEFUro.gifv https://i.imgur.com/v2N5bX9.gifv

I. M. Gei fucked around with this message at 09:04 on Dec 1, 2020

# ? Nov 23, 2020 05:34

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 07:24

Scientastic: Mar 1, 2010; TRULY scientastic.
🔬🍒

The thread is open! I have been waiting for what seems like weeks to see prunes in chili...

# ? Nov 30, 2020 20:56

I. M. Gei: Jun 26, 2005; CHIEFS

BITCH

aight! I could use an extra motivation shot to finish this thing anyway :doit:

Scientastic do you take PMs, by chance?

EDIT: sadly this chili does not feature prunes (I do wanna try that at some point though), but I did strongly consider putting a cut-up plum or two in there. my local butcher shop had some locally-grown plums for sale when I went there to get chili stuff, but in the end I was too big a wussie to go through with it

I. M. Gei fucked around with this message at 01:53 on Dec 1, 2020

# ? Dec 1, 2020 01:36

Scientastic: Mar 1, 2010; TRULY scientastic.
🔬🍒

Your New Years resolution should be to finish this thread

# ? Jan 3, 2021 16:58

I. M. Gei: Jun 26, 2005; CHIEFS

BITCH

Scientastic posted:

Your New Years resolution should be to finish this thread

My New Years resolution is to finish everything I started, and this thread is at the top of the list.

# ? Jan 3, 2021 19:41

Scientastic: Mar 1, 2010; TRULY scientastic.
🔬🍒

I. M. Gei posted:

My New Years resolution is to finish everything I started, and this thread is at the top of the list.

I am making chili this week, for my date night with my wife on Saturday. I wonder if I will be able to post a picture of a finished meal in this thread before you do.

# ? Feb 4, 2021 18:07

Steve Yun: Aug 7, 2003; I'm a parasitic landlord that needs to get a job instead of stealing worker's money. Make sure to remind me when I post.; Soiled Meat

I just happened to be in the middle of making chili and happened upon this thread

# ? Feb 5, 2021 09:50

I. M. Gei: Jun 26, 2005; CHIEFS

BITCH

I have like 12 other things I have to get done in the next few weeks, at least 8 of which are a great deal more urgent than finally loving finishing this thread. BUT I WILL FINISH IT. EVENTUALLY. I PROMISE.

Incidentally my New Years resolution for 2021 was to finish all the poo poo I start(ed), so yeah

# ? Feb 8, 2021 04:48

Scientastic: Mar 1, 2010; TRULY scientastic.
🔬🍒

Much like Seneca, I feel I must enter a stoic state of chili-resignation, considering, as we must, that �chili keeps pace with hope � both belong to a stomach in suspense, to a stomach in a state of anxiety through looking into the chili-filled future. Both are mainly due to projecting our thoughts far ahead of us instead of adapting ourselves to the chili-bereft present.�

# ? Jun 4, 2021 19:50

pandy fackler: Jun 2, 2020

great thread cant wait to read it when its done keep up the good work

# ? Jun 25, 2023 02:52

prayer group: May 31, 2011; $#$%^&@@*!!!

lmao

# ? Jun 25, 2023 18:20

Scientastic: Mar 1, 2010; TRULY scientastic.
🔬🍒

I�ve had this thread bookmarked for three years now, I got very excited when it jumped to the top of my list

Disappointment, thy name is pandy fackler

# ? Jun 25, 2023 21:09

I. M. Gei: Jun 26, 2005; CHIEFS

BITCH

good lord this thread is still open? I thought it got archived a long rear end time ago.

sigh...... I actually would like to finish this one day, but at this point it'd probably be best done in the form of a whole new thread where I remake everything and type out the OP before and during cooking. I loving HAAAAATE typing out huge long posts, and breaking them apart like I did on my NICSA post help me out a lot on that. If I do end up making a new thread then the title will be another joke about some dumbass poo poo Trump said about elections. Maybe I'll even post it in 2024. Possibly in November.

The truth is there were actually several reasons I never finished this thread, and being too lazy/ADHD-ridden to finish typing the OP was only one of them. Others included not being thrilled with the taste of my chili and thinking I could've done way better, and having imposter syndrome about the chili recipe I used because it was a mish-mash of two or three other recipes I found online and that made me think it wasn't "original" enough for an ICSA (actually this was one of my bigger reasons).

# ? Sep 22, 2023 08:29

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 07:24

Scientastic: Mar 1, 2010; TRULY scientastic.
🔬🍒

I. M. Gei posted:

it wasn't "original" enough for an ICSA (actually this was one of my bigger reasons).

This is never a reason you need to be concerned about, I ~~steal~~ adapt other people's recipes all the time for ICSA, it's absolutely fine.

# ? Sep 22, 2023 09:21

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Goons with Spoons > [ICSA 70] I WON THIS CHILI COOKOFF, BY A LOT!