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Kief Richards posted:Lmfao it's five people including me kill me And that company's name? Albert Einstein. |
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Jan 7, 2021 21:24
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| # ? Apr 20, 2024 03:52 |
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cruft thank you for teaching us about email it was fun to learn
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Jan 7, 2021 21:33
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cruft posted:And that company's name? |
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Jan 7, 2021 21:53
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BoldFrankensteinMir posted:Neat, it works! HOLD EVERYTHING! You wrote the Luke Bavarious story "Johnny the Knifer"! I knew I recognized your username from somewhere. |
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Jan 7, 2021 21:59
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cruft posted:HOLD EVERYTHING! Oh crap, I vaguely remember those words? It's a good thing I didn't actually put you on ignore, haha. What the heck was that, a Thunderdome thing?
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Jan 7, 2021 22:17
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BoldFrankensteinMir posted:Oh crap, I vaguely remember those words? It's a good thing I didn't actually put you on ignore, haha. Somebody in GBS picked up this self-published book in a used book store. It was a collection of horror stories written by a 13-year-old. GBS proceeded to just flood the everloving hell out of the forum with imitations. Yours was called "Johnny the Knifer" about a kid named Jimmy who had a knife. I gathered them all up, spent way too long editing and typesetting them, and then some goon in Canada got her university press to run some copies of the 408-page monstrosity. It's a good bet that whenever I show up in BYOB it's because I pulled that book off the shelf again. Some of the stories even got illustrations by other goons! Here was yours:  e: if I'm not mistaken, this same drawin' goon did my av! ee: I think I'm mistaken. cruft fucked around with this message at 22:29 on Jan 7, 2021 |
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Jan 7, 2021 22:25
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cruft posted:Somebody in GBS picked up this self-published book in a used book store. It was a collection of horror stories written by a 13-year-old. GBS proceeded to just flood the everloving hell out of the forum with imitations. Yours was called "Johnny the Knifer" about a kid named Jimmy who had a knife. Dang, blast from the past! Thank you very much! I'm glad to be remembered for intentionally bad writing, haha.
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Jan 7, 2021 22:29
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BoldFrankensteinMir posted:Dang, blast from the past! Thank you very much! I'm glad to be remembered for intentionally bad writing, haha. Would you mind me posting your story, bearing in mind that like 5 yobbers have the attention span to read such a long post? |
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Jan 7, 2021 23:15
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Yes please post it, this might start another BYOB writing revolution |
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Jan 8, 2021 00:39
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cruft posted:Would you mind me posting your story, bearing in mind that like 5 yobbers have the attention span to read such a long post? Go for it. The only thing worse than cringing at one's old work is trying to pretend it never existed (or I dunno, maybe it's good, I seriously don't remember).
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Jan 8, 2021 00:44
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Johnny the Knifer by BoldFrankensteinMir Second place: Horrors 2 writing contest I stopped short at the counter. I sat down. Coffee poured out the coffee pot and into my cup, like a pot of brown bullets shooting into my cup and splashing in coffee. The waitress was very pretty. She said “would you like some coffee”? My name is Luke Bavarious. I like coffee. And I am a detective. It was my favorite restaurant. It was on 756th street in Manhattan. New York. The waitress was very pretty, and the coffee was just as good. “How do you like your coffee Luke Bavarious” she said. “Sweet like you” I winked. She winked back. There was something about the way she winked at me and the way she poured my coffee. My heart beat double the blood suddenly, but I was in control. In control of my blood. “How is that kid you have” I said romantically. The waitress blushed. “Johnny is a good kid but I‘m afraid he‘s falling in with a bad crowd” she cried. I comforted her, my shoulder soaking up her sweet sad woman tears that she cried from those pretty eyes. Suddenly, three men walked into the restaurant. “Well Well Well Luke Bavarious” said the first man. He was horrible and tall and ugliness all wrapped into a tall horrible suit. “You better run Luke Bavarious after you ruined our drug crime this morning!” he said. Then he said it again. With his guns. And his bullets. I jumped behind the counter. The waitress cried “don‘t let them shoot the restaurant I have a kid” so I jumped in front of the counter. The mobsters cackled a sick crackling laugh that bled in waves out of their toothy horror mouths. “The great Luke Bavarious” laughed Jimmy the Knifer. “Hiding behind a woman! Laughable!” he said and proved it with more laughs. “Not so fast!” I yelled and reached for my sleek silver loaded Beretta with my name engraved in the gun and on the bullets too. I realized my gun was gone! I had to think fast. “Not so fast!” I yelled and grabbed the pot of coffee. I splashed it at Jimmy the Knifer and his goons. The goons ran, missing the terrible shower of deadly boiling coffee. The coffee splashed into Jimmy the Knifer‘s hands and face. I recoiled in horrible terror as he screamed. “No” screamed Jimmy the Knifer. He fell to the ground, the tears of pain mixing with the steaming sweet coffee as the veins in his forehead popped open like firecrackers in hot coffee and tears. Blood and tears and hair and coffee spilled into the coffee puddles on the floor and he screamed as his skin went into the puddles too. “No” he screamed again. “No”. I turned to have my sandwich that I also ordered and the waitress had brought to me before the mobsters came in. Tears were on her face just as surprise was on mine because of hers. “What‘s wrong Suzie” I said. “We‘re in New York the city that never sleeps, of course there‘s gonna be a little crime but I‘m Luke Bavarious”. “No!” screamed Suzie. She ran to Jimmy the Knifer! What is happening? “I told you he was in with a bad crowd” she sobbed through tears of grieving for her dead mobster son. I recoiled in horror from my sandwich. If I had known! But Jimmy the Knifer was not a child! “He looks older because of makeup so adults would take him seriously!” she cried at me. I looked now at Jimmy. A kid! The makeup was melting off in the blood and coffee and boiled skin and it was a kid! The sandwich dropped from my hands and the coffee pot shattered all over my shoes also. How could I have known? Jimmy the Knifer looked at me with blood eyes and tears coughed from his dying words. “Who‘s the big man now… Luke… Bavarious…” he said, and in his hand was the baseball card I had given his mom to give him for his birthday just a week before. That made it even more incredibly sad. “No” I screamed and they took me away for murder, on two counts of homicidal killings. Johnny the Knifer… and Johnny the Boy. Coffeeman by Part of Everything |
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Jan 8, 2021 01:05
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cruft posted:Tears were on her face just as surprise was on mine because of hers. Okay yeah now I remember this thing, haha. I did not recall winning any 2nd place in anything, so that's cool. Thank you very much cruft, you made my day.
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Jan 8, 2021 01:29
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BoldFrankensteinMir posted:Okay yeah now I remember this thing, haha. I did not recall winning any 2nd place in anything, so that's cool. Thank you very much cruft, you made my day. Your story cracks me up. Every time I read it I find something new to laugh about that I hadn't noticed before. Maybe I'll convert all these to HTML and put them up as some sort of web-based book. |
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Jan 8, 2021 01:31
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cruft posted:Maybe I'll convert all these to HTML and put them up as some sort of web-based book. You should! I have functionally zero faith in the Front Page ever functioning as our showcase again so I say get as much forums history out there off-site as possible.
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Jan 8, 2021 01:36
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cruft posted:Would you mind me posting your story, bearing in mind that like 5 yobbers have the attention span to read such a long post? thank you for posting the story so i could read it even though i had to break it into many small pieces and reward myself with a bit of candy each section
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Jan 8, 2021 01:44
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i'm so used to outlook and gmail now that i will admit that I now top-post in email threads. i've become everything my little gay nerd rear end hated 
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Jan 8, 2021 02:01
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Heather Papps posted:thank you for posting the story so i could read it even though i had to break it into many small pieces and reward myself with a bit of candy each section What kind of candy do you find works best for this? Asking for a friend. |
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Jan 8, 2021 02:27
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the trick is each reward is a different candy, if i do the same type i get bored of the candy about 2 pieces in
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Jan 8, 2021 02:37
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Heather Papps posted:the trick is each reward is a different candy, if i do the same type i get bored of the candy about 2 pieces in This is a pro tip.
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Jan 8, 2021 03:25
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cruft posted:Okay! So why aren't spammers just using the algorithm in reverse and avoiding the spam words and using the not-spam words as much as possible?
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Jan 8, 2021 08:35
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Twenty Four posted:So why aren't spammers just using the algorithm in reverse and avoiding the spam words and using the not-spam words as much as possible? they do, but there's other inputs to the filter as well. anything with links is going to be suspect, especially if the links look like known spam links, or aren't in one of the top 1000 or so visited websites, etc. also where the mail came from and what servers it passed through. these days there are ways to verify that, say, a message that purports to come from gmail actually did. and the thing is even pretty dumb email filters get low false negatives and very low false positives, so it's better now. email also got a lot more centralized. most people use one of 3 or 4 platforms for personal email, same with business email (different platforms, but still few of them) and most companies sending legitimate mailing list mailers (wanted or not) use one of a few services to do so. so frankly anything that can't be verified as coming from a "trusted" source is going to be suspect
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Jan 8, 2021 08:46
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I just think of poor Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrel, who missed his chance to meet the real Corin Tucker because the email from the director of one of her music videos went to spam and he only saw it a year later. |
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Jan 8, 2021 16:41
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Twenty Four posted:So why aren't spammers just using the algorithm in reverse and avoiding the spam words and using the not-spam words as much as possible? Another thing is that you train the robot on *your* email. Paul Graham got "Massachusetts" a lot in his non-spam, and "Nigeria" a lot in his spam. But Something Awful Forums user Twenty Four, who lives in Lagos, would have the exact opposite. This makes it very difficult for spammers to come up with spam that gets past everybody's filters! |
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Jan 8, 2021 16:48
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Edit- NM. Mods please gas this thread, it went off the rails bad.
BoldFrankensteinMir fucked around with this message at 17:19 on Jan 8, 2021 |
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Jan 8, 2021 17:04
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Here is a snippet from the first work email I got to read today. I swear I am not making this up.quote:I understand that there are a lot more signs recently, and too many signs makes it easy to ignore all of them. I also understand that repetitive email doesn’t work to get information out. Therefore, to mix things up, you will now start getting text messages every morning on your cell phones. |
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Jan 8, 2021 17:34
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Gonna text you to check your email so you'll see the note that says to read the sign to follow the instructions to find the instructions on your phone |
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Jan 8, 2021 17:40
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Kief Richards posted:Gonna text you to check your email so you'll see the note that says to read the sign to follow the instructions to find the instructions on your phone Email is nothing but bills and spam, text messages are where it's at. [Time passes...] drat it. cruft fucked around with this message at 17:52 on Jan 8, 2021 |
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Jan 8, 2021 17:50
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pm from a yobber? call that a b-mail
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Jan 8, 2021 18:10
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BoldFrankensteinMir posted:Edit- NM. Mods please gas this thread, it went off the rails bad. I suppose it didn't go where you planned, but lots of great threads don't go exactly as originally planned. I learned some neat stuff here! Happy little accidents and all that. It's all good!
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Jan 9, 2021 05:29
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 ?????????????? |
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Jan 9, 2021 05:55
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kevin is my favourite member of henson
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Jan 9, 2021 05:57
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Kevin Henson Hi how are you? I'm sending you an email today to let you know that we've got a new... muppet? Maybe he is Jim's grandson, or Brian's brother.
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Jan 9, 2021 06:39
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id like to hear more about this backpack
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Jan 9, 2021 06:39
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Twenty Four posted:I learned some neat stuff here! Blech, exactly.
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Jan 9, 2021 16:18
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alexandriao posted:
It's all very simple, James. Your email address got on a list of "valid email addresses" and now you're getting what we call "spam" (named after a Monty Python sketch with Vikings). You see, Jason, it's actually very economical to send, because the cost of email is not borne by the sender, it's paid for by the transit. It'd be like USPS covering your postage by taxing federal roadway users. So, Kevin, you can see how there's a strong incentive to send it: if you pay almost nothing to send out 58,000 emails, and 0.5% buy your 100% Pure Sawdust Penis Pills, you're turning a really nice profit. Couple this with an incarceration rate of essentially 0% and spamming starts to look like a viable business for those with low scruples. |
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Jan 9, 2021 17:46
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BoldFrankensteinMir posted:Blech, exactly. If it makes you feel better, I check my email like twice a year, for taxes and on the odd occasion that I have to take care of something. Email is stupid. 
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Jan 9, 2021 17:58
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Twenty Four posted:If it makes you feel better, I check my email like twice a year, for taxes and on the odd occasion that I have to take care of something. Email is stupid. Haha thank you, I'm just goofing around. This week has required a little more venting than usual. CONTENT- I signed up for Playstation Network with a hotmail address that still technically works, but required a phone call to a person who had to look poo poo up in a physical log to see how to handle it. In my mind they had to blow dust off a grimoire bound in human skin.
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Jan 9, 2021 20:08
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BoldFrankensteinMir posted:Haha thank you, I'm just goofing around. This week has required a little more venting than usual.  mailorder bees! posted:id like to hear more about this backpack Personally I'm more interested in a remote that can turn televisions off from 1km away. Just think how much this would improve the airport experience. |
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Jan 9, 2021 20:55
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BoldFrankensteinMir posted:Haha thank you, I'm just goofing around. This week has required a little more venting than usual. My most recent email is from hotmail. From before microsoft owned it. When it was just hotmail. Old. For comedy value, my spellchecker which is probably run through google, thinks that hotmail is not a real word, lol. So yeah email is stupid!
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Jan 9, 2021 23:02
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| # ? Apr 20, 2024 03:52 |
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The best part was when I realized I had named myself "Sir Daniel Fortesque" and it took me a second to remember which game series that was a reference to. And then I immediately went and played the original MediEvil again because it had been much too long.
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Jan 9, 2021 23:19
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