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page 69 of the BYOB "Welcome Hello & Chat Thread [Lurkers Must Post]" thread. Bailiff: Repeat after me. I solemnly and sincerely declare and affirm that the evidence I shall give will be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Me: I solemnly and sincerely declare and affirm that the evidence I shall give will be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Also, nice. Judge: Nice? Me: Well you said to tell "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." and I cannot tell a lie. Swearing in on page 69 is pretty nice! |
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Jan 8, 2021 13:57
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 13:01 |
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Objection your honor, he's Wednesday Frogging the witness! |
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Jan 8, 2021 17:26
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prosecution: well as yoy can see, he did indeed "have to hand it to them". i rest my case audience: [claps] |
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Jan 11, 2021 03:48
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no no you don’t get it your honour I swear while holding the base of the gogurt and then I squeeze upwards pushing the blessed gurt into my mouth to ingest truth itself and natural raspberry flavouring
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Jan 11, 2021 03:52
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alexandriao posted:prosecution: well as yoy can see, he did indeed "have to hand it to them". i rest my case and that prosecuting attorney was albert einstein
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Jan 11, 2021 03:55
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I'm out of order? I'M OUT OF OR... wait. Why can't I post? Probed? WTF? |
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Mar 10, 2021 19:41
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asking for the dungeon masters guide, frowning when they bring the 5e and demanding the 1st edition
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Mar 10, 2021 19:47
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nut posted:no no you don’t get it your honour I swear while holding the base of the gogurt and then I squeeze upwards pushing the blessed gurt into my mouth to ingest truth itself and natural raspberry flavouring
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Mar 10, 2021 19:48
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YOUR HONOR nothing is more sacrosanct than this red x-box controller which I used to do the fastest lap on Maple Valley in C Class for Forza 4
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Mar 10, 2021 19:56
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if it may please the court i wish to educate the witness on matters of 
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Mar 10, 2021 20:01
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my lawyer flips furiously through the monster manual as I give my testimony, his aid placing the fiend folio in front of him and pointing to help him keep up the judge orders everyone to stop speaking. he rolls a twenty sider and then motions for me to continue
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Mar 10, 2021 20:02
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Signalling to the judge to call a recess because I need to get my snack on |
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Mar 10, 2021 20:37
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pulling a handful of plastic dinosaurs out of my pocket so I can recreate the murder scene. making little "rawr" sounds for each one and introducing them by their names and the role they will be playing,
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Mar 10, 2021 20:43
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i set bail at $420.69 |
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Mar 11, 2021 16:45
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Now raise your right hand and... poo poo! drat! rear end! Order! Order! What's the big idea here? I thought I was supposed to swear. 
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Mar 11, 2021 16:58
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District Attorney Biosterous: "Can you draw a dragon?" me: *tugs collar* Judge alnilam: "Prof. Crocodile I remind you that you are under oath." |
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Mar 12, 2021 00:19
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Prof. Crocodile posted:District Attorney Biosterous: "Can you draw a dragon?" *nervously turns picture around to show the judge and jury. some gasp in horror, several snicker and then break into muffled laughter* prof croc: "i...i'm sorry... I only know how to draw anatomically correct dragons..." judge: *coughs* "that's not a second tail is it?"
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Mar 12, 2021 00:52
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man, if the defendant doesn't score soon I'm leaving after the third quarter |
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Mar 12, 2021 01:47
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haha ya what? I thought it’d be kinda funny to swear on a knife...yknow, cuz the murders
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Mar 12, 2021 02:53
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place your hand in this copy of infinite jest and repeat after me: “a lot people just gave up on it because it seems too wild and freeform, but if really have an appreciation for postmodernism like I do, you’ll find a perfect simulacrum of the creative process that can be examined from a lot of different angles like a jewel—albeit a jewel that has been irregularly cut and polished. but that’s part of the charm, you know? did I mention that I read it only a week, endnotes and all?” |
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Mar 12, 2021 06:19
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I hereby solemnly swear on this boeing 747 and four million dollars in unmarked bills that will take me out of the country and I will give you the location of the hostages. *points at the accused* That's the man I saw! He did it! I am sure of it! |
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Mar 13, 2021 00:14
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Historians would call it the first of many courtroom mistakes for the Cat Hammock Killer. |
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Mar 13, 2021 00:33
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for the record, I wish to emptyquote the last fifty sentences uttered in this courtroom
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Mar 13, 2021 09:00
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Objection, your honor! There's clearly no ring! |
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Mar 13, 2021 09:06
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 13:01 |
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Your honor, I would like to call ButtTheShitmanFart to the stand. *audience gasps* |
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Mar 13, 2021 09:51
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