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Ugly In The Morning posted:Found the Australian. Ding ding! Yes he went from screaming to being all like hey look at my hosed up body in a minute. I have tennis elbow from crochet and hand sewing but everyone jokes that its a wank injury which is only partially true.
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Apr 14, 2021 08:55
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A Pack of Kobolds posted:It's actually a line from Letterkenny, but in the course of conversation they use the phrase "ripped open his (or my) ball sack doing a skateboard trick" about a dozen times and I enjoyed it. saw someone online who had a skateboard land verically on his rear end in a top hat, which broke his hip and tore his rear end in a top hat open. now he wears diapers and the trauma of it made his weirdo brain get a diaper fetish. he seemed pretty happy with that part since he got an excuse to wear diapers all day. e: i remember his rear end in a top hat was tore open but I don't completely recall if he broke his hip. i think so though Literal Nazi Furry fucked around with this message at 16:59 on Apr 14, 2021 |
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Apr 14, 2021 16:37
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Literal Nazi Furry posted:saw someone online who had a skateboard land verically on his rear end in a top hat, which broke his hip and tore his rear end in a top hat open. now he wears diapers and the trauma of it made his weirdo brain get a diaper fetish. he seemed pretty happy with that part since he got an excuse to wear diapers all day. Don't know what is worse in this post, thinking of a skateboard ripping someones rear end open or the fact they now have a diaper fetish.
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Apr 14, 2021 16:49
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I've stepped onto a bag of knives once before! When I was moving years ago, I stupidly put my steak knives into a plastic grocery bag to transport them. When I got to my new place I forgot about the bag because I had bought newer knives to use. Cut to months later when I noticed the bag in my closet. I put it on the floor to remember to clean them (they were all tarnished at this point). I forgot about them! Even later, when a friend arrived, I stepped back to give him clearance to enter my apartment and stepped right into the bag of knives. One of them went about 2 inches into my foot. It bled pretty badly, I couldn't stop laughing, and it stopped bleeding after a couple of mins. I haven't ever had an issue from it. I was lucky after being dumb. I think that I laughed in the moment because it's really stupid to step on a bag of knives and it immediately struck me as absurd. Here's the fridge horror: My buddy at the time said he had never seen someone stabbed and laugh like that. So now I think, how many times has he seen people get stabbed? An Ounce of Gold fucked around with this message at 17:04 on Apr 14, 2021 |
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Apr 14, 2021 17:01
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Zil posted:Don't know what is worse in this post, thinking of a skateboard ripping someones rear end open or the fact they now have a diaper fetish. like i said, he seems pretty happy with wearing diapers all the time so im going to say probably tearing his rear end in a top hat open. until his brain wires got twisted up like that seems like it would be pretty distressing. i mean, the diapers led to a weird sense of happiness and so it seems like he came out on top on the end. im loving depressed meanwhile diaperman is living his best life getting to slap on diapers on the daily.
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Apr 14, 2021 17:09
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I was cleaning my turtle tank, and dropped something in it and the water splashed up into my eyes. Turtle water has salmonella in it, so if you get any on you, you have to make sure to wash it with soap and water and get it off. .. but why take a trip 15 feet away into the bathroom, when I have a giant pump of gel hand sanitizer right at my doorstep for when I get home? Three generous pumps into each hand should do the trick. I then splashed the sanitizer into my eyes as if I was washing my face in the sink. I remembered why we don't do that when the scent hit me, and before the pain started. No idea what I was thinking.
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Apr 14, 2021 17:38
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ninjoatse.cx posted:I was cleaning my turtle tank, and dropped something in it and the water splashed up into my eyes. Turtle water has salmonella in it, so if you get any on you, you have to make sure to wash it with soap and water and get it off. No offence but I love ones like this, where some part of your brain is switched off but the other part merrily puts together a complex multi-step plan to blind yourself.
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Apr 14, 2021 18:17
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Olewithmilk posted:No offence but I love ones like this, where some part of your brain is switched off but the other part merrily puts together a complex multi-step plan to blind yourself. None taken. Not only the stupidity of doing it but just how much I used. One pump is enough for your hands, yet I decided I needed to wash my face with it. When I used to drink every day, I used to attribute things to alcohol. Now that I'm stone cold sober, I'm having to come to grips that my subconscious autopilot is a 6 foot tall 2 year old that pretty much has no abilities of observation or deductive reasoning, just adaptions of mechanical actions.
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Apr 14, 2021 18:44
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Looks like this thread's been dead for months, but I just found it, so here we go. When I was 14, I kicked a pillow off the end of my bed while masturbating. The movement activated my Furby, which started talking and scared the poo poo out of me, so I tried to flee the bed like the bloody thing was on fire. Got my feet tangled in the duvet, exited the bed hands first, broken wrist.
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Jun 25, 2021 08:15
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Truly a post where I could not have predicted the next word or sentence fragment for love nor money. Thank you for resurrecting this thread with such a bizarre anecdote
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Jun 25, 2021 16:48
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There was a boring non entertaining story here. It's gone now.
Marcade fucked around with this message at 03:56 on Sep 20, 2022 |
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Jun 25, 2021 17:14
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Once when I was a child I lay my head down on an airplane seat to take a nap. When the flight was over, I tried to sit up, but couldn't without experiencing intense pain in my ear that went right down to my neck. I had to get carried out of there by my parents and for the next day or two remain laying down on a bed without a pillow. Absolutely no idea what happened. To this day have no idea what caused that, but then again these days I get pretty intense migraines every now and then that extend down to my neck, I wonder if the two are related.
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Jun 25, 2021 17:37
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I stabbed myself in the hand trying to get an avocado pit out once. Had to go to the hospital and everything.
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Jun 25, 2021 21:30
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Dixville posted:I stabbed myself in the hand trying to get an avocado pit out once. Had to go to the hospital and everything. I did that, but it was less of a stab, and more of a chop. I was getting the pit out in the normal way (holding the avocado half in one hand, and chopping the knife down at the pit forcefully enough for the knife to lodge in it), but I got the knife angle wrong, and caught my hand along with the pit. I've never had an injury make me faint before, but this one did. Whoever stitched me up did a pretty good job, though, because the scar's barely visible.
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Jun 25, 2021 23:11
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This was my spouse's injury but I helped cause it. One night we got really drunk on fourlokos (there was probably coke involved to) we passed out on the couch tangled together and I slept on his hand all night. He wound up getting wrist drop aka Saturday Night Palsy. He could barely use his hand for at least a month probably 2. He had to wear this weird looking claw thing on his hand the whole time just to be able to type because he could barely move his fingers. Talk about a gay man with an actual limp wrist. nunsexmonkrock fucked around with this message at 01:17 on Jun 26, 2021 |
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Jun 26, 2021 01:09
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I started reading this thread last night, and today while pulling up carpet tack strips, right after I thought to myself I was getting the hang of it I drove the end of it into the fleshy bit above my knee cap and required a few stitches. I'm blaming the thread for this.
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Jun 26, 2021 05:54
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When I was a kid my dad managed to stab himself in the hand. He was scraping old candle wax out of an old glass candle holder with a pretty sharp dagger (he's always been a knife collector) and even at the age of, like, 10 I thought this was a bad idea. But he insisted he was fine, so I wandered back to my room to play video games. Fifteen minutes later was a sharp crack followed by a "gently caress!" No glass, but he did shank himself between the middle and ring fingers pretty good. Still has a scar.
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Jun 26, 2021 06:12
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- Last year I got a second degree burn after a fresh-out-of-the-oven chicken pot pie fell off my desk and splashed molten hot gravy all over my lap. Since I was wearing jeans my legs were spared, but it did splash the inside of my wrist. It made a big nasty water blister, and I still have a dark spot that finally seems to be slowly fading. - Not exactly an injury, but one time as a kid I was playing around with a padlock and put the shackle in my mouth, and I pushed it down hard enough that it actually locked on my bottom jaw. Luckily the key was nearby so I was able to unlock it quickly. The whole event probably took place over the course of less than ten seconds, but I was so pumped full of adrenaline and panic that it felt like forever. Surprisingly, this was not painful. -One time while my parents were on vacation I wanted to open up a package of tea bags but couldn't find the scissors, so I used a butcher knife instead. I slipped and sliced my index finger open pretty badly, with blood pouring out of the wound. I couldn't find any band-aids in the house so I wrapped my finger in scotch tape instead. Luckily, no lasting damage. -Here's probably the dumbest: As a kid I was tooling around on my Razor scooter, and came to a steep incline near my house that ended in a cul de sac. I thought it would be a really cool trick to go down this slope with BOTH FEET off the scooter. Of course, I didn't take into account that my feet were, in fact, the only thing keeping it on the ground. When I tried this the scooter just went flying down the street while I tumbled over the concrete. I grabbed my scooter and slowly hobbled home, sobbing, totally road rashed from the neck down and drenched in blood. My mom threw me in the shower and I was, against all odds, mostly fine. I'm really surprised I didn't injure myself more seriously with that little stunt.
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Jun 26, 2021 20:04
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Lately I’ve been able to crack the arches of my feet like most of my joints because I walked too much.
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Jun 26, 2021 20:05
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Malachite_Dragon posted:When I was a kid my dad managed to stab himself in the hand. He was scraping old candle wax out of an old glass candle holder with a pretty sharp dagger (he's always been a knife collector) and even at the age of, like, 10 I thought this was a bad idea. But he insisted he was fine, so I wandered back to my room to play video games. Fifteen minutes later was a sharp crack followed by a "gently caress!" No glass, but he did shank himself between the middle and ring fingers pretty good. Still has a scar. My mom also did this lol
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Jun 26, 2021 21:52
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Hello, I've got a new one for the thread - been doing some home renovations, and hooking up a clothes washer. Noticed the faucets I'm hooking it up to are leaky as poo poo, so I decide to get the spigots off to replace the o-rings. Spend some time trying to unscrew the...bolt? Thing holding the spigot in place, by getting a wrench around it and putting all my weight on it, no luck. Cover it in WD40, call it a night. Next morning my shoulder feels a little stiff, but whatever, must've slept poorly. Go back to the faucet and start trying to get the thing off again, can feel it almost moving, suddenly have a thought "Oh I wonder if this is what hurt my shoulder?" Then the thing finally gives way. I put all my weight on the wrench, which spins rapidly, my arm goes down far quicker than I intend it to, I feel a bolt of pain lance through my right shoulder blade and neck, and for the rest of the day and the next I can't turn my head or lift my right arm without a whole lot of pain. Fun times. Spend the time basically wrapped in a heating pad, unmoving on the couch. Feeling better, thank goodness, and got those goddamn things fixed (the old o-rings were, as I thought, completely worn out). Finally we can wash our clothes in this new house.
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Sep 20, 2022 03:15
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i took a huge bong rip and coughed so hard that i hosed something up in my ribs and it hurt to laugh or cough for 2 months
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Sep 20, 2022 03:21
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Malachite_Dragon posted:When I was a kid my dad managed to stab himself in the hand. He was scraping old candle wax out of an old glass candle holder with a pretty sharp dagger (he's always been a knife collector) and even at the age of, like, 10 I thought this was a bad idea. But he insisted he was fine, so I wandered back to my room to play video games. Fifteen minutes later was a sharp crack followed by a "gently caress!" No glass, but he did shank himself between the middle and ring fingers pretty good. Still has a scar. Ten year old me got a Swiss Army Knife for Christmas. Five minutes later, we were headed to the hospital to get stitches in my hand. More recently, I got food poisoning. It wasn't the first time, but this time was rough. I was retching so violently and for so long that I hosed up my lower back and hips real good. I'm not sure how that even happened, but this was March, and I'm still not the same from it.
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Sep 20, 2022 03:29
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glad to see this thread back, and I've got a very stupid one lol so I was in a vape shop probably a year ago now, and browsing the glass display cases. They were about 1'x1' and maybe 4' tall, and there was a line of about 6-7 of them in the middle of the store, packed with gear. Glass, torches, the usual. I opened the door to the glass case in front of me, one of the middle ones, and as soon as it moved an inch or so, the left wall of the display case exploded. As in, "I was wearing jeans, the little glass cubes hit my jeans hard enough to not puncture them but make me bleed" exploded. The entire 4' sheet of glass, history, in a million million little pieces. I stood there dumbfounded, the vape shop owner did too, and he asked if I was okay, I said yeah, and I left quietly. Didn't even realize I was bleeding or even hurt at all until I got home and took my shoe off. The way I figure, the way the displays were rigged up together and utterly covered in stuff, there had probably been reeeal weird pressure on that display case wall for a while, and whatever the last restock did, closing that door set a bomb lol
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Sep 20, 2022 03:43
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Lady Disdain posted:Looks like this thread's been dead for months, but I just found it, so here we go. 
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Sep 20, 2022 04:11
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I scratched my cornea by pulling a comforter over my head in bed.
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Sep 20, 2022 04:15
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Hey, this thread's back again!  About two months ago I pulled a shirt on over my head and hosed myself up so badly that it hurt to sit up or even just breathe. After three days of excruciating pain I finally gave up and went to urgent care because I was beginning to think I'd managed to crack a rib or something. Nope, nothing like that. I'd pulled my iliocostalis thoracis muscle, which connects to the ribs. From putting on a goddamn shirt.
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Sep 20, 2022 13:00
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WILDTURKEY101 posted:i took a huge bong rip and coughed so hard that i hosed something up in my ribs and it hurt to laugh or cough for 2 months Bruised ribs suck so much.
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Sep 20, 2022 13:15
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Not quite an injury but I took a step off a curb today that I didn't realize was there, when my foot hit the street a few inches below where I expected it to be I felt it ripple all the way up through my spine and oof did not feel good. Needed to lean against the street pole for a good thirty seconds before I could catch my breath.
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Sep 21, 2022 02:27
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When I was a teenager, I bought one of those thin metal cans of cheese dip with the pull off top. I proceeded to eat the entire thing with a bag of chips. Somehow that wasn't enough and I started licking the cheese residue out of the can. I pulled the can away for a moment to get a breath and noticed there was a strange red color on the remaining cheese in the can. Turns out I cut my tongue pretty bad on the edge of the can and was bleeding out of my mouth. There was another time my dad asked me to clean the toilet. He specifically told me to never mix bleach and ammonia because it is deadly and will tear you up. I wasn't planning on mixing them but he hadn't told me he already put ammonia in the toilet so of course I immediately pour bleach in the toilet. Very quickly, I notice a burning sensation in my nose and throat and realize something is very wrong. I flush the toilet, turn on the fan, and shut the door. Luckily, I just got a really sore throat and I was talking like Doris Grau for a couple weeks. Of course I kept smoking cigarettes the whole time too because I was a dumb teenager. I probably caused permanent lung damage from that but I've never checked with a doctor.
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Sep 21, 2022 04:30
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Playing in a softball league with an unspoken agreement that you just don't walk on 4 straight balls, you always take a courtesy swing. Pitcher throws me what is most definitely ball 4 and I do a light little swing for the ump aaaaaand sprain my wrist. No golf or baseball for a few months!
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Sep 21, 2022 05:02
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I've got a few, because I'm a clumsy dumbass. When I was probably 14, I was playing basketball in the driveway and heard the phone ring. So, I ran inside to answer it. I'm 6'1", and the door was probably 5'11". I still have a dent in my forehead from that. Never did find out who called. But I still instinctively duck my head when going through a door. Another time, maybe 8 years ago, I was getting out of the bathtub, and got tangled up in the towel. I put my foot down the wrong way and my big toe bent under my foot, probably broke it. It bled from the base of the nail and was purple for a while. Another time, I was getting ready for bed. I didn't sit down to take my pj pants off, got tangled up and fell on the bed post, bruised or cracked a rib. Not the same rib I injured trying to level my girlfriend's shed. There was also the time I tripped going upstairs and broke my jaw, knocked 6 teeth out, cracked the rest of them, and needed 14 stitches in my chin because my hand was in my pocket trying to get the keys. But, 20 grand later, my fake teeth look pretty good. That wasn't the first time I needed stitches in my chin. Got nine from slipping at an indoor paintball place. So, just the chin has had 23 stitches. And just last week, I took the dog for a walk, and there was a squirrel on the other side of the street pacing us. Well, dog is a Belgian Shep, and has a high prey drive, and the squirrel came right in front of us, so I figured, run with the dog, in sandals, on wet grass. She pulled me down and reinjured my rib from the bedpost fiasco. Could've been worse, it could've been the sidewalk. Still hurts to sneeze or cough. I have a bunch more. One time, I dropped a machete on my foot. My mom sewed that up. It was not a fun experience. Like I said, I'm a clumsy dumbass.
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Sep 21, 2022 05:47
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