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Inside Wrestling was a wrestling magazine that started in 1968 and closed up shop in 2013. At the time I remember poking through it, it was mid to late 90's. The magazine was kayfabe, so wrestling was presented as a real combat sport with people in the ring actually not liking each other. Here's a random cover from one of the issues. One of the things that the magazine would do, monthly, was write up 'dream matches'. I remember these mainly because 1) They were very silly, especially in retrospect, and 2) As said, they were pure kayfabe. So what were some of these dream matches, and the circumstances that they happened in in these what ifs? 1) Goldust vs Dusty Rhodes This match happened in a world where Goldust somehow became so popular that he reached the main event and got to become WWE Champion, beating Vader for it. I forget just how the match came about, but IIRC, a background detail was that Steve Austin won a title shot, but fans so wanted to see this father and son clash that Austin had to take a match with Intercontinal Champion Ken Shamrock instead. After winning, Dustin Runnels wiped off his makeup and claimed he was done being Goldust, which 1) Happened in real life, and 2) Didn't stick, as we all well know. Speaking of inexplicable Austin events... 2) Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Roddy Piper This takes place in a world where Stone Cold decided he hated and wanted to beat the crap out of Roddy Piper so much that...he decided to stalk him while he was out with his son...disguised as a clown. Who said his name was Chilly. Chilly the Clown. I think he threatened Piper's kid while in this disguise? In any case this could only be settled in a match, of course, despite Austin being, you know, arrested for the actual crimes he was committing. I forget who won the match (Piper, most likely), but just to sell how badly Austin wanted to beat up Piper, he came out solely in his trunks and boots (no vest) with no music, just to sell HOW ABSOLUTELY DEADLY SERIOUS HE WAS. 3) Scott Hall and Kevin Nash vs Fake Razor Ramon and Fake Diesel This happened in a world where Hall and Nash got SO PISSED OFF about their 'clones' 'mocking them' that they managed to arrange a cross promotion challenge so they could beat them up, where the winner got to take six wrestlers from the loser's promotion, because remember, this magazine was pure kayfabe and hence the contests were not only real combat but also not pre-determined in advance. The originals won, and hence WCW got to take Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, Steve Austin, Brian Pillman, and two others (so, this was probably an early 1997 issue), with the magazine saying that the WWF was now in deep trouble and WCW was likely to rule the wrestling world for decades to come. I'll post some more when I fully recall them. Cornwind Evil fucked around with this message at 09:27 on May 9, 2023 |
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Aug 1, 2021 05:20
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 19:09 |
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jane. you're playin a game
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Aug 1, 2021 05:46
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More 'dream matches'. 4) Kevin Nash and Scott Hall vs Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage. This was in WCW of course, and is likely the only match that ever had a chance of happening. Basically, it was a proto concept for what would happen in real life with the Wolfpac. The NWO EXPLODES, and ironically this leads to the reformation of the Mega Powers. The main thing I remember about this match is it happened in a steel cage, and that the refs checked out the ring first and found Miss Elizabeth hiding under it with weapons to aid the Mega Powers Redux, which considering how passive the Elizabeth character tended to be, is just plain hilariously wrong. Also, Nash won the match by legdropping Hogan. No, he did not tear his quad doing so. Oh wait, did I say "only dream match that had a chance of happening?" 5) Shawn Michaels vs Triple HHH This was written in late 1998, when it seemed like Shawn was permanently retired and HHH was still upper midcard. Shawn sees Hunter challenging for the world title, contently thinks Austin will grind him into paste, only to be surprised as Triple H explodes out of the gate, wrestling like a lunatic and upsetting Austin (remember, kayfabe magazine, wrestling is real combat). This is followed by the most impossible never to happen thing ever. Vince decides it's time to sell the WWE, because it's never been hotter. Playing on kayfabe and HHH's old 'Greenwich Snob' gimmick suggesting that in real life he has access to a lot of money and connections and wanted to buy the company. Shawn decides this is a no go and gathers up all HIS connections to make his own offer. This of course can only be decided in a match. Shawn wins, despite his terrible back injuries, but it was mentioned before that he had to sign the documents the next day. He's too badly hurt, so he shows up the day after, only to find that since he didn't show up that day, Eric Bischoff swooped in and bought the WWE. Shawn kicks him and walks off. 6) WWE vs WCW vs ECW They did this more than once, actually. But the lesser one was "somehow it gets arranged that five of each of the promotion's best wrestlers fight in a fifteen man three corner match'. In this case, the wrestlers are SO EVENLY matched (once again, real fighting, no booking, no pre-deciding wins and plotting out matches) that they're still fighting after an hour and the fans are getting bored. So Vince, Eric, and Paul Heyman ring the bell and say they are calling the match off and that instead THEY are going to have a three way match instead. This is of course, loved because in these worlds everything is insane. Anyway, since Paul was the impetus to create this three promotion match and in the story Vince and Eric really disliked what he provoked them into doing, they first gang up on him and beat him to a pulp and pin him before fighting each other. Vince gets the advantage and beats Eric from pillar to post and back again, constantly breaking his own pins so he can beat up Eric some more, but it costs him as Eric gets one last surge and kicks McMahon's head off (not literally) before pinning him for the win. It's said everyone got what they wanted: Eric got the official win, Vince got to show his sheer dominance and make it clear he beat himself, and Paul got to point and say that it took two of them to beat him. Probably still a better show than Invasion. I can only remember one more of these 'dream matches', but oh, it's a doozy.
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Aug 6, 2021 20:40
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 Kids used to trade magazines with each other on the bus and this one was pretty popular. I remember it had some photoshopped images of Goldberg/Austin doing moves to someone that they tweaked to look vaguely like the other
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Aug 7, 2021 05:10
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I want to know more about HHH vs. Shawn
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Aug 16, 2021 20:08
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Endless Mike posted:I want to know more about HHH vs. Shawn I don't want to talk about it.
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Aug 16, 2021 20:31
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as a kid I knew wrestling was fake but still was dumb enough to think that Inside Wrestling and all the Apter mags really got the wrestlers together or on phones for interviews, where they remained in character. I mean, they couldn't just make up a 4 page Rick/Scott Steiner interview right?
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Aug 17, 2021 01:25
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here's a dream match. the pamela paulshock picture from wow magazine and my wall. and every other full page photo of every single wrestler in the entire magazine even if it was henry o godwinn. sometimes you had to choose which side
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Aug 17, 2021 01:57
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All right. Only have this one left, but it's a doozy. I think it was also the first one I ever read. This was mid to late 1996 or so. 7) WWF VS WCW: 20 Man Match for Supremacy. The only thing I remember about the lead up to this dream match is that somehow, the Undertaker develops "a mortal fear" of drowning. To the point where he's wary about taking baths. I have no memory of how it happens or the set up or anything, or even most of the participants. Just these details below. So, for the actual match? One side of the ring (normal sized ring? Big special ring? I forget) has a shark tank. A second side has a series of trampolines. The other two are just normal. I am sure this made sense somehow. Anyway, match begins. 1) Brian Pillman (remember, mid to late 1996) does something that so annoys the WCW guys they dangle him over the shark tank until he passes out from fear and is then eliminated. 2) Steve Austin, who at this point was just a rising heel midcarder, is eliminated from the match by jumping on the trampoline wrong and being launched into the audience. 3) Undertaker, of course, somehow falls in the shark tank. He pulls himself out and flees, and "never wrestles again". It comes down to two WWF and two WCW guys, but the only one I remember is Vader. At this point, ECW invades with Raven and three other ECW wrestlers showing up, saying that both federations are weak, and the remaining wrestlers basically tell them to get in the ring and say that, so Raven and co do. And under the kayfabe logic of the magazine, since ECW is hardcore, the four ECW wrestlers are basically presented as an invasive species that beat the poo poo out of the four remaining wrestlers and end careers/put them in hospital, including reducing Vader to a broken, whimpering mess. The last line of this dream match which ended with 'ECW wrestlers beating up everyone left' is "The next day, Ted Turner bought ECW." and "Vince McMahon sold the WWF and went into the used car business." The whys of the rest, I do not know.
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Nov 17, 2021 11:39
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 19:09 |
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Cornwind Evil posted:
I’m vividly imagining all of this and my god it’s amazing.
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Nov 21, 2021 19:44
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