Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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KYOON GRIFFEY JR: Apr 12, 2010; Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

BackInTheUSSR posted:

Listen I know this is the same story Reilly has been writing for 20 years but I thought it was cute. http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?id=6170690

that article loving blew and represented literally everything that is wrong with current Rick Reilly

seriously read that article and then read the one on Kenny Wilcoxen http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1006129/index.htm

# ? Mar 3, 2011 14:15

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# ? Apr 18, 2024 08:24

gardenald: Jul 23, 2007; In the end, it comes down to throwing one pitch after another, and seeing what happens. With each new consequence, the game begins to take shape.

BackInTheUSSR posted:

ALSO
As I've said before, I'm an editor at my college paper and have seen some horrors of student journalism. I want to share the worst thing I've ever seen. It's not sports related but I don't care. It's about UCF potentially removing the arboretum to add more buildings. Which is awesome.

I will highlight the ending:

I think my favorite thing about this is the fact that every sentence is a paragraph. Surely the hallmark of effective writing.

# ? Mar 3, 2011 15:38

Deathlove: Feb 20, 2003; Pillbug

BackInTheUSSR posted:

I will highlight the ending:

Nurture that talent and you've got the next Bill Plaschke on your hands!

Or do the right thing and have the blood of the next Bill Plaschke on your hands.

# ? Mar 3, 2011 18:06

dokomoy: May 21, 2004

BackInTheUSSR posted:

Listen I know this is the same story Reilly has been writing for 20 years but I thought it was cute. http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?id=6170690

http://deadspin.com/!5774323/rick-reilly-rips-off-rick-reilly--again

# ? Mar 3, 2011 18:15

Dick Williams: Aug 25, 2005

Politicalrancor posted:

I asked him how I could trust him not to write a disingenuous piece about me if I engaged him in discussion and he got waaaay bent out of shape. He really takes everything too seriously.

I saw that. I like how he tried to pin the whole situation on me but just says "we'll agree to disagree" when you called him out for being disingenuous about the situation

# ? Mar 3, 2011 18:15

Groucho Marxist: Dec 9, 2005; Do you smell what The Mauk is cooking?

I CHALLENGE THEE posted:

I saw that. I like how he tried to pin the whole situation on me but just says "we'll agree to disagree" when you called him out for being disingenuous about the situation

What's all this? As a fellow Jeff target I have a right to know

# ? Mar 3, 2011 18:19

morestuff: Aug 2, 2008; You can't stop what's coming

ESPN has hired Dean Oliver, stat nerd, as their "director of production analysis". Interesting move.

# ? Mar 3, 2011 18:23

LARGE THE HEAD: Sep 1, 2009; "Competitive greatness is when you play your best against the best."

"Learn as if you were to live forever; live as if you were to die tomorrow."

--John Wooden

KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:

that article loving blew and represented literally everything that is wrong with current Rick Reilly

seriously read that article and then read the one on Kenny Wilcoxen http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1006129/index.htm

Yeah, pretty much anyone who has read or seen anything from Reilly has to have figured he's been mailing in his entire ESPN deal. Meanwhile, Dan Patrick actually improves the overall quality of Sports Illustrated's output. Not a bad swap.

# ? Mar 3, 2011 19:19

KYOON GRIFFEY JR: Apr 12, 2010; Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

LARGE THE HEAD posted:

Yeah, pretty much anyone who has read or seen anything from Reilly has to have figured he's been mailing in his entire ESPN deal. Meanwhile, Dan Patrick actually improves the overall quality of Sports Illustrated's output. Not a bad swap.

Calling it 'mailing it in' is a bit insulting to the USPS.

# ? Mar 3, 2011 19:38

Dick Williams: Aug 25, 2005

Groucho Marxist posted:

What's all this? As a fellow Jeff target I have a right to know

He said something like "well your friend called me a f-ing retard so it's not my fault i overreacted like a child"

# ? Mar 3, 2011 19:39

Groucho Marxist: Dec 9, 2005; Do you smell what The Mauk is cooking?

I CHALLENGE THEE posted:

He said something like "well your friend called me a f-ing retard so it's not my fault i overreacted like a child"

How was politicalrancor arguing with him in the first place? I checked twitter and saw nothing.

# ? Mar 3, 2011 20:26

trem_two: Oct 22, 2002; it is better if you keep saying I'm fat, as I will continue to score goals; Fun Shoe

Speaking of Pearlman, he's in fine Pearlmanean form on the BYU/Davies dismissal.

quote:

So it turns out that Brandon Davies, the BYU center, was suspending from the basketball team for the remainder of the season because he violated the school�s honor code by engaging in premarital sex.

In other words, I went to the wrong college.

At the University of Delaware, I�m pretty sure the basketball players were required to have sex. With everyone. And everything. That moved. Which made me ineligible to play for the team, or even serve as its manager or towel boy. However, I would have been a star at BYU. No sex? Crap, I just wanted to kiss a girl.

Now starting, for your Cougars, a 6-2 forward from Maaaaahopac, N.Y., Jefffffff �.

Many conservative sorts will admire BYU for upholding their prinicples. I get that. But what if your principles are just plain stupid? Somewhere on Planet Guubdbjsq in the Quad 5 Galaxy, a bunch of Guubdbjsq-ians are watching us through an enormous telescope. They see the oceans heating up, the glaciers melting, war in the Middle East, corruption on Wall Street, buffoons calling the shots �

� and, in Guubjab, the official language of Guubdbjsq, they�re saying to themselves, �This guy got kicked off his basketball team for snagging a li�l somethin� somethin�?�

I agree.

# ? Mar 3, 2011 21:34

purkey: Dec 5, 2003; I hate the 90s

trem_two posted:

Speaking of Pearlman, he's in fine Pearlmanean form on the BYU/Davies dismissal.

That's written poorly enough to make me rethink my positon on that stupid honor code.

# ? Mar 3, 2011 21:51

KYOON GRIFFEY JR: Apr 12, 2010; Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

how does he have a job, seriously

# ? Mar 3, 2011 21:52

purkey: Dec 5, 2003; I hate the 90s

i don't know why, but the phrase quad 5 galaxy really bugs me

# ? Mar 3, 2011 21:53

KYOON GRIFFEY JR: Apr 12, 2010; Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

what in the hell is his point there i don't even understand

# ? Mar 3, 2011 22:04

purkey: Dec 5, 2003; I hate the 90s

he's a virgin or something i dunno

# ? Mar 3, 2011 22:07

Badfinger: Dec 16, 2004; Timeouts?!

We'll take care of that.

gently caress, Pearlman went to University of Delaware? :suicide:

Please do not think he is representative of the education you can receive at that fine institution.

Also that's pretty loving insulting to suggest the basketball team's mandatory slutting around. I know that being a big-sport varsity player is license to pimp, but jesus.

No one should ever say "lil' somethin' somethin" ever.

# ? Mar 3, 2011 22:10

LARGE THE HEAD: Sep 1, 2009; "Competitive greatness is when you play your best against the best."

"Learn as if you were to live forever; live as if you were to die tomorrow."

--John Wooden

That Pearlman OP/ED is a masterful troll and I will not accept any explanations to the contrary.

# ? Mar 3, 2011 22:43

toadee: Aug 16, 2003; North American Turtle Boy Love Association

Hey everybody, just like you I'm retarded and couldn't manage to get laid in college. That's everybody reading this right? Am I right? eh?

# ? Mar 3, 2011 22:44

ForbiddenWonder: Feb 15, 2003

BackInTheUSSR posted:

ALSO
As I've said before, I'm an editor at my college paper and have seen some horrors of student journalism. I want to share the worst thing I've ever seen. It's not sports related but I don't care. It's about UCF potentially removing the arboretum to add more buildings. Which is awesome.

'great, green liver' is absolutely amazing.

# ? Mar 3, 2011 22:50

Tender Bender: Sep 17, 2004

Badfinger posted:

gently caress, Pearlman went to University of Delaware?

Please do not think he is representative of the education you can receive at that fine institution.

Also that's pretty loving insulting to suggest the basketball team's mandatory slutting around. I know that being a big-sport varsity player is license to pimp, but jesus.

No one should ever say "lil' somethin' somethin" ever.

Haha I was about to make this post. My heart sank when I realized I will forever be linked to Jeff Pearlman.

# ? Mar 3, 2011 23:07

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

morestuff posted:

ESPN has hired Dean Oliver, stat nerd, as their "director of production analysis". Interesting move.

What does "Director of Production Analysis" mean exactly? I read the article and was still left a little bit confused.

# ? Mar 4, 2011 00:00

morestuff: Aug 2, 2008; You can't stop what's coming

Crazy Ted posted:

What does "Director of Production Analysis" mean exactly? I read the article and was still left a little bit confused.

This should make some people here happy.

quote:

Meaning? He's supposed to come up with new stats, for various sports, for ESPN.

While a bit secretive about what's in his laboratory Petri dishes, Oliver suggests some common stats will become largely extinct. Like baseball batting averages, which he says should be replaced by a combination of on-base and slugging percentages. And current quarterback ratings should broadened to how much quarterbacks keep their own defenses off the field. Wide receivers catch stats could also include drops.

And the typical tack of just judging hoops teams on how many points they average and give up per game just tells you mainly how fast they play � "and it's not how fast you run that counts, it's how you take advantage of possessions."

Sports talk, he says, will have to evolve. "We have to introduce new language. You can get lazy using convenient language. Like with common discussions of basketball players' per-game points, rebounds and assists. That has to be replaced. How many team wins does he contribute? How often do his passes lead to buckets and free throws?" But he concedes it's easier to find flaws in stats than invent ones: "RBI, in 10 years, will have gone away. What's more of a battle is what it's replaced with."

# ? Mar 4, 2011 00:04

jyrka: Jan 21, 2005; Potato Count: 2 small potatoes

Crazy Ted posted:

What does "Director of Production Analysis" mean exactly? I read the article and was still left a little bit confused.

Here's a bit more about it: http://www.usatoday.com/sports/columnist/hiestand-tv/2011-03-01-espn-stats-dean-oliver_N.htm

Also check out the comments for some angry and crazy people!

# ? Mar 4, 2011 00:07

morestuff: Aug 2, 2008; You can't stop what's coming

jyrka posted:

Also check out the comments for some angry and crazy people!

This one's my favorite:

quote:

..everyone calm down....this guy will be punching his wife or girlfriend soon enough...then we can all expect new statistics...like on-air personalities at ESPN produce a wonderful arching curve inversely related to the actual talent they have vs the perceived talent their ego's tell them they possess, and that quotient is then expressed in the proof of vodka.

I HOPE THIS GUY BEATS HIS WIFE SO WE CAN BE DONE WITH HIS ARROGANT rear end, GUH

# ? Mar 4, 2011 00:09

Badfinger: Dec 16, 2004; Timeouts?!

We'll take care of that.

HOW DARE A MAN REPLACE HEART AND HUSTLE WITH QUALITATIVE ANALYSIS OF THINGS THAT MAY ACTUALLY MATTER.

# ? Mar 4, 2011 00:25

LARGE THE HEAD: Sep 1, 2009; "Competitive greatness is when you play your best against the best."

"Learn as if you were to live forever; live as if you were to die tomorrow."

--John Wooden

Deadspin with a nice piece on the case of BYU F Brandon Davies' dismissal from the team for sexual intercourse outside of marriage. Well worth your time.

# ? Mar 4, 2011 00:56

Politicalrancor: Jan 29, 2008

Groucho Marxist posted:

How was politicalrancor arguing with him in the first place? I checked twitter and saw nothing.

So this is really pretty stupid but basically it started with Pearlman tweeting something I thought was stupid (I really don't recall what it was) so I tweeted him this-

@Politicalrancor:
@jeffpearlman I want to engage you, but I'm afraid you will take it the wrong way, call me, and write about it. how can you be trusted?

@jeffpearlman
@Politicalrancor anthony, you get an A+ in the category of unoriginal zinger

@Politicalrancor:
@jeffpearlman thanks for using my real name, thats not creepy. Also I really mean it. How can I trust you won't abuse your power?

@jeffpearlman:
@Politicalrancor abuse my power? how is calling someone, talking to him, NOT IDing him an abuse?

@Politicalrancor
@jeffpearlman I know the person in question and you used your power to write a disingenuous portrayal of him and your conversation with him, also reacting so aggressively to my honest question does little to encourage any trust in you

@jeffpearlman
@Politicalrancor so aggressively? what in the world are you talking about? plus, if you're gonna accuse someone of something, i'd advise knowing both sides. Oh, well. Whatever. No beef�we'll just disagree

@Politicalrancor
@jeffpearlman I feel like you react really harshly.

@jeffpearlman:
@Politicalrancor i know you're young & prob looking for something here. but this is a classic case of seeing what you're looking for. i reacted harshly? did you read what you wrote me? i don't even know you, and you tweet me negatively. how should i respond? damned if i do, damned if i don't. it makes it so writers are bett off nev responding to anything, ever &, please rememb, this started because your pal called me, i think, a "f-ing retard." or something to that degree.

Also he doesn't know who Mat Latos is
@jeffpearlman
@Politicalrancor one more thing�who's the padre? and why?

I had the same reaction Mat did

# ? Mar 4, 2011 03:37

Groucho Marxist: Dec 9, 2005; Do you smell what The Mauk is cooking?

You should have told him that it was Mat Latos, then send him a link to his B-R page that is actually goatse.

# ? Mar 4, 2011 03:44

Politicalrancor: Jan 29, 2008

I'm nearly as suave as you are. Also I really do not possess the wherewithal to talk on the phone to a University of Delaware grad.

# ? Mar 4, 2011 03:48

Groucho Marxist: Dec 9, 2005; Do you smell what The Mauk is cooking?

Be wary of any random people claiming to know you from childhood in the next couple of days. It may be Jeff Pearlman in disguise mining information about you to use in a threatening email!

# ? Mar 4, 2011 03:51

Politicalrancor: Jan 29, 2008

Groucho Marxist posted:

Be wary of any random people claiming to know you from childhood in the next couple of days. It may be Jeff Pearlman in disguise mining information about you to use in a threatening email!

After his third tweet to me I just tweeted him a link to my facebook. Also I condescendingly called him successful and he got all sheepish and falsely humble.

Ughhh I spend too much time talking to or about Jeff Pearlman.

# ? Mar 4, 2011 03:55

Badfinger: Dec 16, 2004; Timeouts?!

We'll take care of that.

Politicalrancor posted:

I'm nearly as suave as you are. Also I really do not possess the wherewithal to talk on the phone to a University of Delaware grad.

Hey man you want to talk on the phone, you just have to ask. You don't have to dance around the issue.

# ? Mar 4, 2011 05:51

barkingclam: Jun 20, 2007

KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:

what in the hell is his point there i don't even understand

Pearlman was a virgin until after college and he wrote a front-page story for the uni's newspaper about it. And then got interviewed on TV about it. And then, years later, put said TV-interview on his blog so he could talk about it once again. Here's a thing Deadspin did about it a while back.

# ? Mar 4, 2011 05:52

Politicalrancor: Jan 29, 2008

Badfinger posted:

Hey man you want to talk on the phone, you just have to ask. You don't have to dance around the issue.

My biggest fear is of being verbally bested by former Newark-ites.

Newark-ans?
Newark-ers?

# ? Mar 4, 2011 06:01

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Politicalrancor posted:

My biggest fear is of being verbally bested by former Newark-ites.

Newark-ans?
Newark-ers?

Would 'fuckheads' work?

# ? Mar 4, 2011 07:33

Politicalrancor: Jan 29, 2008

Crazy Ted posted:

Would 'fuckheads' work?

former fuckheads?

I suppose so.

# ? Mar 4, 2011 07:36

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

The thing that bugs me is he thinks someone looking at earth through a telescope in another galaxy would see current events on earth.

Also that he thinks there could be telescope large enough to resolve humans on a planet from the distance of millions of light years.

# ? Mar 4, 2011 14:20

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# ? Apr 18, 2024 08:24

Badfinger: Dec 16, 2004; Timeouts?!

We'll take care of that.

Crazy Ted posted:

Would 'fuckheads' work?

This is Delaware, not New Jersey.

(Chris Christie doesn't count)

# ? Mar 4, 2011 14:21

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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