Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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purkey: Dec 5, 2003; I hate the 90s

Napoleon Dynamite. Topical.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 00:06

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 11:39

The Pussy Boss: Nov 2, 2004

I read that article and overdosed on heart and grit and now I can't stop hustling around the house the right way (with a lot of swagger).

# ? Apr 12, 2011 00:10

stuart scott: Mar 9, 2007

To NESN's credit I tweeted that article with the comment "Dear NESN, I can write better articles than this garbage, please hire me" and apparently they namesearch?

@NESN posted:

@Phylan We do have editorial jobs if you're interested. Visit http://nesn.com/jobs for more information.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 01:05

KYOON GRIFFEY JR: Apr 12, 2010; Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

The Pussy Boss posted:

I read that article and overdosed on heart and grit and now I can't stop hustling around the house the right way (with a lot of swagger).

i just slid into my desk chair headfirst

# ? Apr 12, 2011 01:09

Tender Bender: Sep 17, 2004

KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:

i just slid into my desk chair headfirst

Laughed too hard at this and I hate that none of my real-life friends understand the finer points of ironic baseball references.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 12:13

Bigass Moth: Mar 6, 2004; I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION.

he knows...

I literally learned in 4th grade that paragraphs must contain at least two sentences.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 12:39

MourningView: Sep 2, 2006; Is this Heaven?

Bigass Moth posted:

I literally learned in 4th grade that paragraphs must contain at least two sentences.

This isn't actually true, it's just a thing they tell little kids so they won't turn in assigned five paragraph essays that are five sentences long. You shouldn't overdo it though!

# ? Apr 12, 2011 13:29

Deathlove: Feb 20, 2003; Pillbug

That article was amazing. I woke up in the dumps, but now I'm ready go to go! Give it my all! Perform to the best of my abilities!! GET MY JEANS AND T-SHIRT DIRTY.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 13:31

Bigass Moth: Mar 6, 2004; I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION.

he knows...

MorningView posted:

This isn't actually true, it's just a thing they tell little kids so they won't turn in assigned five paragraph essays that are five sentences long. You shouldn't overdo it though!

I know I'm not a journalist, but if I could get paid to write about a sport by scrawling random one-sentence paragraphs about nothing in particular I would love to do it.

"Our team sucks? Add more grit.

So says this reporter."

# ? Apr 12, 2011 14:01

Zorkon: Nov 21, 2008; WE CARE A LOT

Bigass Moth posted:

"Our team sucks?

Add more grit.

So says this reporter."

You had too many sentences in that first paragraph. You'll never make it in this business.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 15:39

Fisticuffs: Aug 9, 2007; Okay you a goon but what's a goon to a goblin?

Bigass Moth posted:

I know I'm not a journalist, but if I could get paid to write about a sport by scrawling random one-sentence paragraphs about nothing in particular I would love to do it.

"Our team sucks? Add more grit.

So says this reporter."

One sentence paragraphs tend to be stream-of-consciousness type deals with lots of clauses - if you want to accomplish this feat you're probably going to have to pump each line full of references to your favorite lattes, your daughter's sports teams, your travel itinerary, and just how drat tough your job is. And maybe something related to the sport you're covering.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 15:57

Okposolypse: Jan 1, 2009; by Debbie Metallica

If you guys wanna see some really bad journalism go to here.

http://7thwoman.blogspot.com/

Somehow she has more inside access than Chris Botta because the Islanders higher ups are retarded. Yes its a blog, but she's essentially their beat reporter.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 16:00

haljordan: Oct 22, 2004; the corpse of god is love.

KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:

i just slid into my desk chair headfirst

I'm getting dirt all over my business casual clothing.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 16:33

barkingclam: Jun 20, 2007

Bigass Moth posted:

I know I'm not a journalist, but if I could get paid to write about a sport by scrawling random one-sentence paragraphs about nothing in particular I would love to do it.

"Our team sucks? Add more grit.

So says this reporter."

I'm sure nobody really cares about this kind of inside baseball stuff, but some editors do that to break up longer paragraphs so readers aren't turned off by a wall of words. That's how I was taught, anyway.

Also, Frontline's airing a thing about high school football and it's associated dangers tonight. Should be another good watch.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 18:57

leokitty: Apr 5, 2005; I live. I die. I live again.

Victim blaming alert beep beep

http://www.observer-reporter.com/or/steigstory/04-10-2011-Steigerwald

quote:

Maybe it's time for sports fans to grow up.

As I'm writing this, Bryan Snow, a 42-year-old paramedic with two kids from Sacramento, is in a medically induced coma in a Los Angeles hospital with a fractured skull and serious brain injuries.

Part of his skull had to be removed to allow for the swelling of his brain.

Snow went to the Los Angeles Dodgers' home opener on April 1 wearing a San Francisco Giants jersey. That was obviously too much for two 20-something men wearing Dodger blue to handle. Witnesses say that after the game, they came up on Snow from behind in the parking lot, knocked him down and kicked him as they spewed expletives about the San Francisco Giants.

It's probably safe to say that the two "Dodgers" were high on something or things, but somewhere in their sick, juvenile minds, they probably also thought they were doing their duty as Dodger fans.

They were protecting Dodger turf.

Just before he was beaten to within an inch of his life, Snow texted some friends and said that he was "scared inside the stadium."

Maybe someone can ask Snow, if he ever comes out of his coma, why he thought it was a good idea to wear Giants' gear to a Dodgers' home opener when there was a history of out-of-control drunkenness and arrests at that event going back several years.

Remember when it was the kids who were wearing the team jerseys to games? It was a common sight to see an adult male coming through the turnstile dressed as a regular human being with a kid dressed in a "real" jersey holding his hand.

Cute.

Are the 42-year-olds who find it necessary to wear their replica jerseys to a road game, those kids who are now fathers who haven't grown up?

Are there really 40-something men who think that wearing the jersey makes them part of the team? It was cute when a 10-year-old kid got that feeling by showing up at Three Rivers Stadium in a Pirates jersey, but when did little boys stop growing out of that?

Here's tip for you if you actually think that wearing your team's jersey makes you a part of the team:

It doesn't.

The team is those guys down on the field, ice or court who are, you know, actually playing the games. They like the noise you make as a group, and they love playing in front of you. If you're an adult, and you approach them in a replica game jersey with their name on it and your face is painted, you scare them.

If you don't put that jersey on in the locker room with them and have your own name on your jersey, you're not one of them.

Let's review: If you're sitting in the stands, you're a spectator, a fan. If you're down on he field, you're part of the team.

Obviously, not every fan who wears his team's jersey to a game is looking for someone from "the enemy" to beat up. But maybe somebody should do a psychological study to find out if all those game jerseys have contributed to the new mob mentality that seems to exist in the stands these days.

There's an outside chance that alcohol plays a role but apparently, the teams have ruled that out and continue to sell $9 beers.

If you're one of two or three guys wearing Steelers jerseys sitting in the middle of the Dawg Pound in Cleveland, guess what? The Steelers players can't see you and even if they could, they're not really getting a lot of inspiration from you.

If you're set upon by a bunch of drunken adults wearing dog costumes, you probably shouldn't expect any help from the guys on the field who are wearing the jerseys that look just like yours.

Why not just go to the Browns game in Cleveland dressed as a regular human being? When did it become necessary to wear a uniform to the game?

# ? Apr 12, 2011 19:50

Tavarin: May 10, 2003; I am definitely a madman with a box

leokitty posted:

Victim blaming alert beep beep

http://www.observer-reporter.com/or/steigstory/04-10-2011-Steigerwald

Now that's terrible journalism.

Especially since he gets the victim's name wrong throughout the article. :psyduck:

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:01

Badfinger: Dec 16, 2004; Timeouts?!

We'll take care of that.

I don't like to click on lovely journalism to give more pageviews, but you can rate that article on a scale of 1 low - 5 high and it's at a 1.07 right now. You should go and rate it.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:04

stuart scott: Mar 9, 2007

Also he seems to believe that people who wear jerseys think they're on the team ????

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:19

leokitty: Apr 5, 2005; I live. I die. I live again.

When I wear my A-Rod jersey to annoy my mother I think I am actually am A-Rod annoying my mother :smugdog:

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:21

Bob Shabazz: Oct 21, 2008; At 12:17 a.m. MU police spotted Mauk, 19, run a stop sign while driving his scooter east on Kentucky Boulevard - with two female passengers on board.

stuart scott irl posted:

Also he seems to believe that people who wear jerseys think they're on the team ????

Does this mean that if my Chiefs jersey is from tarajersey that I'm Knockoff Chinese Matt Cassel?

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:23

toadee: Aug 16, 2003; North American Turtle Boy Love Association

Jesus christ how could a grown man come up with that thought process

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:26

SporkOfTruth: Sep 1, 2006; this kid walked up to me and was like man schmitty your stache is ghetto and I was like whatever man your 3b look like a dishrag.

he was like damn.

That article is beyond awful, not the least because he got the name of the dude who was beaten and where he was from completely loving wrong.

leokitty posted:

When I wear my A-Rod jersey to annoy my mother I think I am actually am A-Rod annoying my mother

The littlest centaur.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:29

stuart scott: Mar 9, 2007

ahahahaha this is the guy's blog http://justwatchthegame.com/blog/

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:37

Groucho Marxist: Dec 9, 2005; Do you smell what The Mauk is cooking?

That banner is incredible

WARNING: No punches pulled here...

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:41

stuart scott: Mar 9, 2007

seriously

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:42

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

What a surprise, he reads Ann Coulter

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:45

MD2020: May 30, 2003; she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.

stuart scott irl posted:

seriously

On the blog, the post that is right under the "Adults wearing Jerseys" article is titled Ann Coulter Nails It

:stare:

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:45

Dick Williams: Aug 25, 2005

Mods, please rename this thread "Ann Coulter Nails It"

edit: ahahahahha

How do you feel about the government forcing you to pay for someone else�s cell phone?

I�m pretty sure that�s what�s happening.

The government is giving �free� phones to people who are already getting lots of �free� stuff from the government like food and housing.

How did all of these people survive before the cell phone came along.

Were they sent a roll of quarters to use in a pay phone?

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:49

MD2020: May 30, 2003; she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.

As a Philadelphia fan, the 2008 WS parade, with its images of a sea of Red going down Broad street and following the team to Citizen Bank Park, was awesome.

But you know what would have made it more awesome? If everybody was wearing a three-piece suit with a fedora.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:52

MourningView: Sep 2, 2006; Is this Heaven?

I CHALLENGE THEE posted:

Mods, please rename this thread "Ann Coulter Nails It"

I suppose that would have worked too.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:53

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

I too wear my best clothing to a place where there's a non-zero chance I'll be doused in beer.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:53

Feels Villeneuve: Oct 7, 2007; Setter is Better.

This is what watching the Pirates for the last 20 years does to someones brain :smith:

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:54

Dick Williams: Aug 25, 2005

MorningView posted:

I suppose that would have worked too.

Nah, no punches pulled is probably better

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:54

Feels Villeneuve: Oct 7, 2007; Setter is Better.

zakharov posted:

I too wear my best clothing to a place where there's a non-zero chance I'll be doused in beer.

not to start defending the guy or anything but replica jerseys are more expensive than like 90% of my wardrobe

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:56

Badfinger: Dec 16, 2004; Timeouts?!

We'll take care of that.

MorningView posted:

I suppose that would have worked too.

I am pretty ok with the current thread title.

quote:

I�m pretty sure that�s what�s happening.

Journalism

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:56

morestuff: Aug 2, 2008; You can't stop what's coming

The "No Punches Pulled" tag on his site is especially appropriate, given the subject of his recent column.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:56

Dick Williams: Aug 25, 2005

I just can't believe that there is actually a group of people who legitimately care if someone wears a loving jersey to a goddamn baseball game

morestuff posted:

The "No Punches Pulled" tag on his site is especially appropriate, given the subject of his recent column.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:57

Feels Villeneuve: Oct 7, 2007; Setter is Better.

morestuff posted:

The "No Punches Pulled" tag on his site is especially appropriate, given the subject of his recent column.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 20:59

MD2020: May 30, 2003; she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.

I CHALLENGE THEE posted:

I just can't believe that there is actually a group of people who legitimately care if someone wears a loving jersey to a goddamn baseball game

Don't read the blog comments to the "Wrong Jersey" post; there's about half a dozen guys agreeing with him, including "I just wear the TEAM NAME on the front" and "I don't wear another man's name on my back" guys.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 21:01

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 11:39

THE MACHO MAN: Nov 15, 2007; ...Carey...

draw me like one of your French Canadian girls

There's been a lot of dumb poo poo in this thread, but that column is probably the first that made me actually say holy poo poo. How loving dumb do you have to be to write that????

The only logical thing I can think of is that it was posted at 3:30 am and he was loving hammered himself. Jesus gently caress.

# ? Apr 12, 2011 21:03

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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