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Chicken McNobody
Aug 7, 2009

The Young Marge posted:

Is anyone else keeping the actual birth private? I think I'd lose my mind if there were a bunch of people there watching as I deliver my kid, and can't imagine why anyone would want that. That's one of the reasons I chose a birth center over a hospital, though (I'm lucky enough to have that choice). People say you end up not caring, but I dont know about that. I think I'll have an easier time if I feel "safe" and have some privacy in a more comfortable setting.

I want just me, the doctor and whatever nurse she needs, and my husband in the room. I wanted my mom to be there but she had both me and my brother via C-section and is a little freaked out about watching me go through a vaginal birth. I am super private and want as few people as possible seeing my business--the more people in the room, the more I'll tense up and the less I'll be able to concentrate on relaxing.

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Andale!Andale!
Aug 23, 2008
For my daughter's birth, I only wanted my husband there for the actual birth. My parents, most of my siblings, my husband's siblings, nephews, and his mom were all in the waiting room and popped in and out of the room while I was being induced. It ended up being super stressful for me. So for this pregnancy I don't want anyone other than my husband at the hospital. It's all about what you are comfortable with, because stress is the last thing you need when you're giving birth.

The Young Marge
Jul 19, 2006

but no one can talk to a horse, of course.
I'll just have my husband, midwife and doula there, plus whatever assistant the midwife has. I wasn't going to have a doula, but a friend is on her way to becoming a midwife herself, and offered to do it for free. :) I just have no interest whatsoever in any other family members being there. Thankfully, nobody's giving us a hard time about that. I don't want people hanging out in the waiting room, either.

Ugh, sitting in the waiting room at the midwife's office and getting BH contractions like mad. Ow. Baby movement is pretty painful at this point, too.

Bahunter22
Jul 3, 2010

The Young Marge posted:


Is anyone else keeping the actual birth private? I think I'd lose my mind if there were a bunch of people there watching as I deliver my kid, and can't imagine why anyone would want that. That's one of the reasons I chose a birth center over a hospital, though (I'm lucky enough to have that choice). People say you end up not caring, but I dont know about that. I think I'll have an easier time if I feel "safe" and have some privacy in a more comfortable setting.


Yes a million times. It will be the husband and I, that's all. We're not even calling to tell people we're at the hospital until after the kid pops out. It stresses me out to even think about people seeing me in that condition or knowing that people will be outside waiting or wanting updates. I can't even handle that thought now. The way I see it, they weren't there when she was made, they don't need to be there when she's born. We'll call everyone after we've have a few minutes alone with just the three of us.

Bahunter22 fucked around with this message at 14:18 on Oct 14, 2011

Gilbert
May 4, 2009
It was just myself, my other half and 2 midwifes. We'd been pretty clear from the get go that no one would find out about us being in hospital until baby was born (unless we were around other people at the time that things started moving.) My parents live 4 hours away so they were called early morning and set off to come visit.
I'm glad we did it this way, we got 4 or 5 hours just the 3 of us, to settle, get cleaned up, fed and relax before all the visitors.
When baby #2 comes along we'd like to try and have it run the same way, bar having a kid already.

dreamcatcherkwe
Apr 14, 2005
Dreamcatcher
My first child's birth was a birth center birth. In the room were two midwives, my husband, and my mother. We went home after 4 hours and friends and family came over to meet the baby.

My second child's birth was a home birth and in the room was my midwife, her assistant, my close friend, and my husband. My older son came in immediately following the birth and friends came in a couple of hours later.

My third child's birth was also a home birth and in the room was my midwife, her assistant, my sister, and my husband. My mother came in immediately following the birth and more family came in the morning.

zombie duck v2.0
Apr 4, 2006

"Don't forget taking your skin off, because pink works. It's sophisticated and sexy, stands out as springs hottest color."
My birth plan never wavered. I only wanted my fiance and my Mom to be in the actual room for the birth itself. I was induced and my Mom and Dad stopped by about half way through the labour just to see how I was doing. It was late (around 11pm) so they left, which in the long run ended up working well because I ended up having a c-section at about 5:00am. My fiance's family stayed at home until we delivered and they stopped by that afternoon to see the baby. I'm quite private that way and didn't feel comfortable having anybody in the delivery room. It ended up being moot anyway, since they only allow one person in the OR during a c-section.

In regard to the make-up thing, I do feel better when I have make-up on. I'm not an everyday wearer, more like for special occasions, and I'm telling you, it wasn't even a small priority when it came to the labour and delivery. I totally get why some people would choose to do their make-up before delivery, but not right after.

Photos are another thing entirely. I wanted to hold my baby immediately after my delivery and probably would have had a few photos of that, but I didn't even have the chance. I had a c-section and all I got was a peek over the sheet before she was off to be washed up. My first pictures are of me completely drugged out with Kaedence in the recovery room about 45 minutes later. I'm sad I didn't get those pictures immediately after birth in all the bloody, gross glory, but I know it was for the health of my baby. Personally, I think if you are so vain as to want to go shower, do your make-up etc. shortly after delivering instead of just enjoying those first moments with your baby, you are loving nuts. Nobody needs to see the pictures. Ever. But maybe your child will want to see them some day? I guess for me it makes sense to have the pictures and never look at them, versus not having them and regretting it later. Just because your mom didn't regret it, doesn't mean you won't, and labour is a funny thing, there are quite a few parts of my delivery I just don't remember because of the drugs. Something to at least think about.

Doom Catcher
Sep 11, 2001

Sometimes, I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion!
I definitely am having a private birth. My plan is a homebirth with my midwife, her assistant and my husband.

We also have a backup for transferring to hospital or if someone else goes into labor and the other midwife has to sub.

I do not want my mom there. I love her but I know it will stress me out, especially because of the drug free homebirth aspect and outdated birth practices I don't agree with. She means well but refuses all attempts for me to show her Bradley info.

I promised she would be the first person I would call, then my dad.

Fire In The Disco
Oct 4, 2007
I cannot change the gender of my unborn child and shouldn't waste my time or energy pretending he won't exist
I wanted the opposite, actually. I wanted my family and my husband's family there for the birth, because the plan was to have a time where it was just him and I and the baby after she was born, and I wanted everyone to meet her first before we sequestered ourselves in our house.

Lyz
May 22, 2007

I AM A GIRL ON WOW GIVE ME ITAMS
Ugh, I'm only going to have my husband with me during labor. If my contractions started at work I was only going to tell my supervisor (who is a guy) and quietly sneaking away before all the women in the place caught on. I don't want people making a big deal about this at all.

We will call the family while I'm in labor, but since my parents are 2 hours away and his 5 hours away, we shouldn't have too much trouble keeping them out until I have the kid in my arms. Even if it takes a long time, we probably won't let anyone in until a couple hours after the birth, so I have a chance to clean up and rest a bit. I'm a beast when uncomfortable and tired and sore, so it's more for everyone else's protection.

I don't however have any problem with lots and lots of medical personnel in the room. I'm a massive worrywart so the more people around me who know what they're doing, the better.

But really the best thing I can do is just play it by ear, cause if I think about it too much I'll start to worry and make myself anxious. Which is why I'm sitting here, two days from my due date, and doing everything but thinking about going into labor. XD

enitsirk
Jun 9, 2005
Oh, I was referring to just the personal people. Medical I had a nurse who admitted me and also put in my hep-lock. Then there was one nurse first assigned to me, and I got to see my own OB briefly before the shift change (she was going out of town and I ended up with someone different delivering me). Then there was the shift change and I got a different nurse who took care of me during the rest of labor (probably a couple hours?) and was my postpartum day nurse. Then I had the anesthesiologist when I got my epidural and for the 20-30 minutes afterwards, however long he sat there observing and doing whatever he was doing (making sure it worked and that my vitals were okay, I guess?) I really have no clue when he left, but I'm pretty sure it was before I started pushing.

When I actually delivered there was my nurse, the on call OB, and I think 2 nurses for the baby but I'm not really sure. It might have been one additional nurse for the baby and my nurse helped? I seem to recall two nurses standing over him when they did the measuring stuff. Medical people in the room didn't bother me, but I was glad to only have my husband there for the labor and delivery. It would have stressed me out to have anybody else in the room or in the waiting room.

My mother in law worked near the hospital and came a couple of hours after he was born on her lunch break, and my brother in law and sister in law came that evening to visit.

enitsirk fucked around with this message at 04:02 on Oct 15, 2011

MoCookies
Apr 22, 2005

I'm kind of intimidated by the idea of having a bunch of people with me in the birthing room. It doesn't seem very conducive to relaxing and concentrating on relaxing, but I'm a pretty private person in general. I think it'll just be the midwife, her midwife-in-training, and my husband. I was considering having my mother-in-law fly up here for the birth, but it turns out she'll be in the middle of chemo, so I'm pretty sure that's not going to be possible. I'm trying to focus on the positive, though. Honestly, being pregnant has been far more pleasant than I was expecting; I'm hoping that stays true for the birth, too. Just a few more weeks to go. :)

limegrnxj
Apr 24, 2004
The only non medical person who I want in the room once the real delivering begins is my husband. My parents might want to hang out beforehand, and I'm ok with that, but once poo poo starts to get real, everybody OUT! Except the doctors and nurses, they can stay.

I'm an optimist and am hoping to do most of my laboring at home, in secret and then running to the hospital at the last minute. Since it's my first, I should have no problem determining when the last minute is, rite?? HAHA, we'll see how it goes. But I'm pretty firm on the no one but the hubby in the room.

Chandrika
Aug 23, 2007
I gave birth at home, with my honey and my midwife present, as well as a doula the midwife called in to help out. I had absolutely no desire for any more people than necessary to witness my labour, and in fact, my midwife kind of made fun of me for labouring fully clothed. Seriously, though, there was no way I was going to hang out completely naked in my living room with two strangers watching me. I'm very glad I was at home and missed all the "lettin it all hang out" of being in the hospital.

VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog

limegrnxj posted:

I'm an optimist and am hoping to do most of my laboring at home, in secret and then running to the hospital at the last minute. Since it's my first, I should have no problem determining when the last minute is, rite?? HAHA, we'll see how it goes. But I'm pretty firm on the no one but the hubby in the room.

You need to read the birth story where the mother gave birth in the toilet. I forget who it was, but she did the same thing (laboring at home) and BOOM - baby in the toilet.

Someone have a link to that epic post?

Tesla Insanely Coil
Jul 23, 2006

Ask me why I'm not squatting.

limegrnxj posted:

The only non medical person who I want in the room once the real delivering begins is my husband. My parents might want to hang out beforehand, and I'm ok with that, but once poo poo starts to get real, everybody OUT! Except the doctors and nurses, they can stay.

I'm an optimist and am hoping to do most of my laboring at home, in secret and then running to the hospital at the last minute. Since it's my first, I should have no problem determining when the last minute is, rite?? HAHA, we'll see how it goes. But I'm pretty firm on the no one but the hubby in the room.

I asked my doctor about staying home for as long as possible and she said that if I'm not Group B Strep positive I can stay at home for quite a few hours after my water breaks (6 hrs maybe?) but if I am positive, she would want me in the hospital soon to get drugs.

With my reading and the anecdotal stories here, it seems like labor starting and water breaking and then the real labor starting all happen different ways. Like you can labor for a long time before your water breaks or your water breaks before you realize you're in labor. It's interesting.

limegrnxj
Apr 24, 2004

VorpalBunny posted:

You need to read the birth story where the mother gave birth in the toilet. I forget who it was, but she did the same thing (laboring at home) and BOOM - baby in the toilet.

Someone have a link to that epic post?

LOL, oh lordy, I don't know if I WANT to read that story. I can hear myself now "dude, I think I'm in labor, quick, clean the toilet in case the baby falls in it"

Kubricize
Apr 29, 2010

VorpalBunny posted:

You need to read the birth story where the mother gave birth in the toilet. I forget who it was, but she did the same thing (laboring at home) and BOOM - baby in the toilet.

Someone have a link to that epic post?


This is the version from the Goon parenting board.

quote:

So I had a long first labor and poo poo. Two and a half days or whatever. This is not that story.

When I was pregnant with Pete, I knew that my labor would probably be shorter—but shorter than two and a half days is still pretty long, so I wasn’t that excited. I read Spiritual Midwifery, which is a totally nuts book that helped me a lot, and then on a Friday night when my cervix was ripe, I took castor oil, pooped until I could poop no more, and went to bed. At 9:27 the next morning, I woke up in labor. The contractions were pretty intense, but I knew that they could and would get worse, so I was nervous about telling anyone that I was in labor; I told my husband, my mother, and a friend that I “might” be in labor, and then I went to take a bath, taking with me a Green Arrow collection to read between contractions.

I had worried that the bath would slow my contractions, but after awhile I realized that I wasn’t able to hold the book while contracting, and that I didn’t seem to have much time to read in between, and it seemed wise to get out and try timing a few of these contractions. I was pretty sure that we wouldn’t be going to the hospital until evening, but boy, this seemed to be going pretty strong! I called my husband into the bedroom and asked him to keep time while I labored on the bed—after two contractions, he said “Those were two minutes and forty-five seconds apart. We have to go to the hospital!” I told him that they needed to be consistently close together, and that we needed to time some more of them—after two more contractions, he didn’t tell me how long it had been, just left the room and called the midwives. Alone in the bedroom, I definitely had a small freakout: No loving way could I do this for another twelve hours. But okay, lady, the only way out is through, etc. While I was on the bed trying to relax and surrender to the contractions, there was a push. It didn’t feel like I had pushed, and I certainly hadn’t decided to push, but something had been pushed and it felt as though something had moved. I went into the bathroom, stood over the toilet, and tried to feel whether the thing I could reach was the baby’s head or my bag of waters, but couldn’t tell at all. I yelled to my husband (who was on hold), “I’m having the baby now!” He asked what he should do, and I told him to call 911. I had another big, involuntary push, and Pete’s head came out, and I knew that it would be bad to leave him like that, so I pushed one more time and he fell into the toilet. I scooped him up and sat down, hugging him to my breast. I grabbed a bath towel (happily, our towels are red) and wrapped it around him, then held him against my chest and delivered the afterbirth. It was 1 p.m. The paramedics arrived soon afterwards and took us to the hospital, but we were fine and he is great.


For the birth, I didn't mind sharing it and there ended up being 9 people in my bedroom. I think the best part was sharing the experience with my Grandmother, she had several surgeries to fix her eyesight in the past few years and has regained enough vision that she can see faces again. For her five kids, she was put under the twilight sleep and wouldn't wake up to see them for hours, or in the case of one of my uncles, a day and a half. She briefly saw my mother for thirty seconds before they knocked her out for 18 hours. Sharing Erin's birth was one of the nicest gift she has ever received in her life.

After she was born, everyone left my room and me and her and Matt got to cuddle together for an hour skin to skin before the midwives cleaned her up and measured her and did all the rest of the stuff. Our family members got to meet her the next day for the first time in person.

Twatty Seahag
Dec 30, 2007
My husband was the only non-medical person in the room most of the time. My family came and went to say hi until I started transition. It ended up being 2 nurses, 2 medical assistants, and the doctor. The doctor was whoever was on call (my doc was on vacation) and she was awesome, we had the Pixies playing and she was singing along. The poor medical assistants had to put my placenta in a trash can. Sorry ladies!

vanessa
May 21, 2006

CAUTION: This pussy is ferocious.
If anybody in the U.S. is looking to get their car seat/stroller still, Britax is having a couple of amazing deals on their web site right now:

Order the Chaperone car seat in Moonstone (discontinued pattern) and get the stroller free:
http://www.britaxusa.com/store/special-deals/chaperone-moonstone-travel-system
(while supplies last)

Order the B-READY stroller and choose one of 4 add-ons free:
http://www.britaxusa.com/promotions/b-ready-free-ride-event
(ends today)

Revenant77
Aug 28, 2004

Not so sweet

vanessa posted:

If anybody in the U.S. is looking to get their car seat/stroller still, Britax is having a couple of amazing deals on their web site right now:

Order the Chaperone car seat in Moonstone (discontinued pattern) and get the stroller free:
http://www.britaxusa.com/store/special-deals/chaperone-moonstone-travel-system
(while supplies last)


This is a good deal but just be aware that the stroller is very bulky and not the lightest to lift in and out of a car. The seat is very good but if your kid has broad shoulders like mine, the seat will make them miserable. We got a new seat at 7 months and she's a totally different kid in the car. Just my two cents.

Susan B. Antimony
Aug 25, 2008

VorpalBunny posted:

You need to read the birth story where the mother gave birth in the toilet. I forget who it was, but she did the same thing (laboring at home) and BOOM - baby in the toilet.

Someone have a link to that epic post?

That was me! But to be fair, that was my second labor and birth--the first one took two and a half days. D: It is very, very rare for a first pregnancy to go so quickly.

Bodnoirbabe
Apr 30, 2007

I'm struggling with some feelings right now and I'd really like to know if I'm being stupid or not.

The problem is people giving me things. My best friend is giving me a bunch of her old baby clothes. She's had three boys and so has plenty to give. But she also bought me some things from a yard sale in her neighborhood. A swing thing, a vibrating bouncy chair, and a bathtime baby washer thing. They all looked a bit ratty and weren't anything all in the style I would want to get. I told her thank you of course, and I'm going to take all of it, but it really started getting me down.

Then another friend messaged me out of nowhere and said she had stuff for me without me even asking her. She said "You can look through it and keep what you want and then give the rest to Goodwill." I feel like she's just trying to slough the stuff off on me to clean out her closet.

People are giving me things and it's not that I don't appreciate it, but if I'm given everything, I can't give my kid anything myself. I want to pick things out for my first born. Things that aren't hand me downs. But now I have a bouncy chair and it would be wasteful and also look like I'm ungrateful if I went and got one more my style and brand new.

It's the one thing I can do for my kid right now, buy the things he's going to need and I just feel like if people are giving me stuff, I don't get to do that. I don't get to provide for my baby.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything people are doing and giving me, but I want to do things to. I want to be his provider. I want to get my first born nice new stuff, not hand me downs. We're not poor, we can afford all the stuff he needs, but it would be wasteful to go get it now that someone else has given me a second hand thing from a yard sale.

I became so upset about this I actually cried my eyes out telling my husband about how I feel.

Another thing that makes me feel so completely and utterly guilty is that I am more disappointed I'm having a boy then I thought I would be. I really wanted a girl because I just don't understand boys. I don't get it. I'm so worried that I wont be able to bond with my child because I wont get him. I also really, really hate all the stuff they have for boys. It's all full of robots and cars and planes and I hate it all. It's all so generic and crappy and ugly and I hate it so now I don't like anything I CAN get for my kid and it's just become this huge cycle of depression, guilt, and annoyance.

Am I being ridiculous?

Tesla Insanely Coil
Jul 23, 2006

Ask me why I'm not squatting.
I can relate to the feelings about having a boy instead of a girl. I was disappointed but all the grandparents are tickled pink and even relieved that it's a boy. Even the staff at my dentist said "thank god you're having a boy. They're a lot better." So not only do I not have anyone to commiserate with but I feel like I'm fighting the patriarchal system or something (same thing with boats and planes being stereotypically masculine when I'm the engineer who's sailed in regattas). I have been telling everyone that they can't buy anything blue, and that's made me feel better because almost everything specifically for boys is blue.

Bodnoirbabe
Apr 30, 2007

Tesla Insanely Coil posted:

I can relate to the feelings about having a boy instead of a girl. I was disappointed but all the grandparents are tickled pink and even relieved that it's a boy. Even the staff at my dentist said "thank god you're having a boy. They're a lot better." So not only do I not have anyone to commiserate with but I feel like I'm fighting the patriarchal system or something (same thing with boats and planes being stereotypically masculine when I'm the engineer who's sailed in regattas). I have been telling everyone that they can't buy anything blue, and that's made me feel better because almost everything specifically for boys is blue.

I hate when people say that about me having a boy! "Oh, boys are easier!" I don't care about what is "easy". It's my first kid. Nothing is going to be easy.

hookerbot 5000
Dec 21, 2009

Bodnoirbabe posted:

I'm struggling with some feelings right now and I'd really like to know if I'm being stupid or not.

The problem is people giving me things. My best friend is giving me a bunch of her old baby clothes. She's had three boys and so has plenty to give. But she also bought me some things from a yard sale in her neighborhood. A swing thing, a vibrating bouncy chair, and a bathtime baby washer thing. They all looked a bit ratty and weren't anything all in the style I would want to get. I told her thank you of course, and I'm going to take all of it, but it really started getting me down.

Then another friend messaged me out of nowhere and said she had stuff for me without me even asking her. She said "You can look through it and keep what you want and then give the rest to Goodwill." I feel like she's just trying to slough the stuff off on me to clean out her closet.

People are giving me things and it's not that I don't appreciate it, but if I'm given everything, I can't give my kid anything myself. I want to pick things out for my first born. Things that aren't hand me downs. But now I have a bouncy chair and it would be wasteful and also look like I'm ungrateful if I went and got one more my style and brand new.

It's the one thing I can do for my kid right now, buy the things he's going to need and I just feel like if people are giving me stuff, I don't get to do that. I don't get to provide for my baby.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything people are doing and giving me, but I want to do things to. I want to be his provider. I want to get my first born nice new stuff, not hand me downs. We're not poor, we can afford all the stuff he needs, but it would be wasteful to go get it now that someone else has given me a second hand thing from a yard sale.

I became so upset about this I actually cried my eyes out telling my husband about how I feel.

Another thing that makes me feel so completely and utterly guilty is that I am more disappointed I'm having a boy then I thought I would be. I really wanted a girl because I just don't understand boys. I don't get it. I'm so worried that I wont be able to bond with my child because I wont get him. I also really, really hate all the stuff they have for boys. It's all full of robots and cars and planes and I hate it all. It's all so generic and crappy and ugly and I hate it so now I don't like anything I CAN get for my kid and it's just become this huge cycle of depression, guilt, and annoyance.

Am I being ridiculous?

You are this babys provider right now and will be when he is born. He'll not give a poo poo if his clothes came from you buying them at Harrods or his next door neighbour but one. Save your money on the unimportant stuff so you can save for the expenses no one will help you with like college and health care.

Free stuff is awesome, they go through clothes quicker than you can imagine. And people ARE cleaning out their closets and trying to slough the stuff off on you - that's probably what you'll do when you have a massive load of clothes and hear that someone is having a boy in 6 months time. Most of the clothes have probably only been worn once or twice before they are too small and people like to think that someone they care about is able to get use out of them as well.

If you really don't like the bouncy chairs they gave you just buy yourself a new one and tell them it was a present from a relative. Do that with everything in fact - they won't be checking up on you.

And I was disappointed I was having a boy. But now he's here I'm not.

Edit: I've bought maybe 2 outfits for Connor since he was born 9 months ago and don't feel like I am not providing for him. I feel lucky I have so many people who want to give me stuff.

hookerbot 5000 fucked around with this message at 11:49 on Oct 16, 2011

Ben Davis
Apr 17, 2003

I'm as clumsy as I am beautiful

Bodnoirbabe posted:

Am I being ridiculous?

I think it's normal--I'm kind of down sometimes because I know that there's a really slim chance I'll be able to pick out my baby's church clothes before his grandmothers get him something that's less my taste. I think if you've completely fallen in love with an item--like the bouncer--get your favorite one if it'll make you that much happier, and accept hand-me-downs in neutral colors in good condition for the other things. People won't be offended if you pick and choose what you can use.

SEX BURRITO
Jun 30, 2007

Not much fun

Bodnoirbabe posted:

The problem is people giving me things. My best friend is giving me a bunch of her old baby clothes. She's had three boys and so has plenty to give. But she also bought me some things from a yard sale in her neighborhood. A swing thing, a vibrating bouncy chair, and a bathtime baby washer thing. They all looked a bit ratty and weren't anything all in the style I would want to get. I told her thank you of course, and I'm going to take all of it, but it really started getting me down.

I know this feeling. My mother-in-law has loads of baby stuff at her house from her other grandchildren. She keeps trying to give us stuff, but it's kind of dirty and used. A lot of it has been in her garage for a while and smells pretty bad. I think she's got hoarding tendencies, because she constantly buys things from car boot sales that she thinks are 'useful' that are just crap.

I've just started using the excuse either 'thanks so much, but we already have one of those' or 'my mum is planning to buy us one of them, and we don't want to offend her'. Unfortunately, before we thought of these excuses my husband had already accepted some crappy baby bath thing, so I think that a mystery relative is going to happen to buy us a new one.

People are well-meaning. Perhaps they struggled to buy stuff for their first born and just assume that you're in the same position. It's not meant to be a comment on your ability to provide for your child. Plus they probably feel kinda emotional about throwing their old baby stuff away, and this makes them feel better. Someone needs to write an entire book on pregnancy etiquette damnit.

Beichan
Feb 17, 2007

pugs, pugs everywhere
When I had my gender scan and found out I was having a boy I was really disappointed. I badly wanted a girl. It was very helpful that we DID find out what we were having so I had time before he was born to deal with those emotions. Once I had him, I fell in love and bonded more than I thought I possibly could. You have him from day 1, to watch him grow and get to know him every day of his life. You don't have to figure out how to deal with little boys, because he's not someone else's little boy you don't understand, he's just your baby and you guys will learn to get each other naturally. It will be okay.

Also, there are lots of cute clothes for boys--plain colors, prints, and animals are generally what we get. There are a ton of cute animal-themed clothes for either gender. Old Navy and Gymboree usually have very cute boy clothes. There is also no rule that says if you find clothes that are cute but 'meant for girls' you can't put them on your baby. It is your baby.

If you are feeling very low and it isn't getting better, please talk to your doctor about it.

JBark
Jun 27, 2000
Good passwords are a good idea.
My wife and I are accepting every free thing we can possibly get for our first child, screw paying hundreds of dollars on infant clothes that will be unusable in literally weeks. :) Other than some stuff she got at her shower, everything we have is used/free. We could easily afford buying it, but like someone else said, that money is much better put towards something else.

And man, is Gumtree great here in Oz for baby stuff. Stuff is sold in minutes, so you really have a keep an eye out, but the deals are awesome. You can obviously tell the people that are competing with friends/neighbours when it comes to baby gear, they'll be selling brand new thousand dollar prams for half price, because they changed their mind and got something even more expensive before the baby ever showed up. These morons are saving me heaps of money when it comes to really nice gear.

Lyz
May 22, 2007

I AM A GIRL ON WOW GIVE ME ITAMS

Bodnoirbabe posted:

Am I being ridiculous?

A little. Wait till you get baby showered too. I think I'm not going to have to buy a single shred of clothing for at least the first 3 months, I have gotten so many little outfits. This kid has more blankets than the adults do (lots of them handmade and gorgeous). I got a TON of stuff for our firstborn, and I'm cool with that.

Besides, as my mother put it "enjoy it now, because no one does anything for the second one!"

The way I see it, I'm going to be providing for this kid for the rest of his life and it makes people happy to help out with the first few months, so there's no harm in it.

What I would do is set limits though on the stuff you really consider important. Like my husband put his foot down and made it clear that no one was going to buy a car seat for us, he wanted to do the shopping and hands on testing of them all himself. He won't let anyone else buy us diapers either, since hes kind of a quality snob (and I want to do cloth diapers anyways). I let my mother buy the crib and changing table (although I picked it out) but didn't let her buy the mattress.

And I wouldn't feel bad about discarding some stuff people give you. They're mostly giving it to you to get it out of their hair, so what you do with it afterwards probably won't offend anyone. Like my cousin gave me a bouncy chair, but I also got a really nice swing chair off my registry, so her bouncy chair will probably become the one we use outdoors cause I won't be as fanatical about keeping it nice. She also gave me a box of clothes but they're pretty heavily baseball themed and my husband and I prefer football, so they may or may not get used.

I would tell the yard-saling friend to knock it off though. Tell her you prefer to get stuff new or from people you know, cause god only knows where that stuff has been.

(And I must be in the minority that was happy I'm having a boy, as a matter of fact I'm hoping for two of them. I am not a girly person and I dunno what I'd do if I had a girl that wanted pink frilly things and Barbies growing up. And never mind the teenage years. /shudder)

Lyz fucked around with this message at 14:43 on Oct 16, 2011

Moms Stuffing
Jun 2, 2005

the little green one
Honestly, by the time your baby is a year old, you won't be feeling so butthurt about not being the one to buy everything for your kid. I think it's hormonal, seriously, I would get the same way when relatives would send us tons of ugly, secondhand clothes. But I also had no problem Goodwilling what I didn't like.

A lot of the OMG EVERYTHING MUST BE MY WAAAAAAAAAAY AHHH MY BAAAAAAAAABBBAAAYYY poo poo goes away eventually. You're a new mom FLOODED with hormones. We don't have to protect our young from tigers anymore, so your nurturing hormones are just flocking to inane poo poo because they have nowhere else to go. You fixate on the stuff your kid gets, because you don't have to worry about anything serious. This is actually a good thing.

Also, on the gender thing, I really wanted a girl. If Lucy had been a boy, I would have mourned a bit. I think Beichan said it perfectly, if it starts to be overwhelming, get help, but otherwise just work through your feelings. Once the baby is born, after you've had a chance to bond, you won't even remember the disappointment.

Chicken McNobody
Aug 7, 2009

Bodnoirbabe posted:

I'm struggling with some feelings right now and I'd really like to know if I'm being stupid or not.

The problem is people giving me things. My best friend is giving me a bunch of her old baby clothes. She's had three boys and so has plenty to give. But she also bought me some things from a yard sale in her neighborhood. A swing thing, a vibrating bouncy chair, and a bathtime baby washer thing. They all looked a bit ratty and weren't anything all in the style I would want to get. I told her thank you of course, and I'm going to take all of it, but it really started getting me down.

Then another friend messaged me out of nowhere and said she had stuff for me without me even asking her. She said "You can look through it and keep what you want and then give the rest to Goodwill." I feel like she's just trying to slough the stuff off on me to clean out her closet.

People are giving me things and it's not that I don't appreciate it, but if I'm given everything, I can't give my kid anything myself. I want to pick things out for my first born. Things that aren't hand me downs. But now I have a bouncy chair and it would be wasteful and also look like I'm ungrateful if I went and got one more my style and brand new.

It's the one thing I can do for my kid right now, buy the things he's going to need and I just feel like if people are giving me stuff, I don't get to do that. I don't get to provide for my baby.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything people are doing and giving me, but I want to do things to. I want to be his provider. I want to get my first born nice new stuff, not hand me downs. We're not poor, we can afford all the stuff he needs, but it would be wasteful to go get it now that someone else has given me a second hand thing from a yard sale.

I became so upset about this I actually cried my eyes out telling my husband about how I feel.

Another thing that makes me feel so completely and utterly guilty is that I am more disappointed I'm having a boy then I thought I would be. I really wanted a girl because I just don't understand boys. I don't get it. I'm so worried that I wont be able to bond with my child because I wont get him. I also really, really hate all the stuff they have for boys. It's all full of robots and cars and planes and I hate it all. It's all so generic and crappy and ugly and I hate it so now I don't like anything I CAN get for my kid and it's just become this huge cycle of depression, guilt, and annoyance.

Am I being ridiculous?

I kind of feel the same way--everything we have for our kid is second-hand, given to us or bought at yard sales or consignment stores. I wanted to at least be able to give him a nice new crib, but now we have a lead on a free crib so that's gone too. I'm trying to content myself with writing him letters, which I hope to compile into a little book I can give him when he knocks someone up :3

Have you looked at anything with dinosaurs on it? I hate most of the baby boy stuff I see and down here it's mostly football crap, but there are some ADORABLE things decorated with dinosaurs. (I may be biased because about two-thirds of the stuff I've picked out has dinosaurs and is adorable.)

The Young Marge
Jul 19, 2006

but no one can talk to a horse, of course.
Baby boy here, too, tons of gifted/secondhand stuff here, too. I'm really glad we didn't have to buy a lot of stuff ourselves. But I certainly understand the frustration with getting a ton of things that aren't your style, and not getting to pick anything for your own kid. Don't be afraid to donate or toss things that you hate or aren't in good condition. I got pretty pissed when I was going through clothes people had given us and finding a lot of things that were already stained! I'm not destitute and don't need that kind of charity - my kid should be able to ruin stuff with sweet potato vomit himself.

If you register and have a shower, people will hopefully get things from it that you chose. We got all the nursery bedding and decor I picked out, so his room will at least be cool. And I did buy a coming-home outfit that I really like.

Baby clothes are 95% ugly no matter what gender your baby is. If it's not loving Sports All Over the drat Place, it's Pretty Pretty Disney Princess Time. Plaid, stripes or solids will suffice just fine. Dinosaurs are fine; I can also deal with guitars, rockets/space, skulls and robots. I don't get why everything for babies has to be either white, light pink or pastel blue, though. They're just going to poo poo and puke all over everything, so I want darker colors that won't show the stains. And why must they all SAY something? "Mommy's #1 Handsome Little Man!" "Daddy's Tough Guy!" :haw:

Kubricize
Apr 29, 2010
Y'all must have lovely stores or something because I have no trouble finding cloths that aren't terrible, cliche baby poo poo.

As for not being able to buy stuff, Erin is the first grandkid and great grandkid on both sides, so everyone went nuts buying her stuff. Me and Matt just took the money we had put aside to get her a crib, stroller and clothes and poo poo and put it in an account for her, before she was born she had over 2k in a savings account for when she turns 18.

We didn't find out her gender until she was born but I was sure we were having a boy, any dreams I had was with a son. When she came out sans penis I had maybe two seconds of sadness and nothing since then, because I have a beautiful little girl and that's all that really matters. If the depression continues, or affects the way you interact with your child SEEK HELP QUICKLY, it could be a serious case of baby blues or PPD.

Bodnoirbabe
Apr 30, 2007

Thanks for the responses. It's good to know I'm not being so completely off the wall, but at the same time, I'm still embarrassed I feel this way. I've only talked to my husband about it.

I will definitely be giving what I don't use to Goodwill, that was always the plan. But I will also use the excuse some people suggested about relatives buying us a new one. That's a really good idea. I don't mind second hand clothes so much, it's the things, the bouncy chair, the wash basin, those kind of things that really got to me.

Thanks again. Your input has really really helped me. And I know I'm going to love my baby Max just as much as any girl I would have had, so it helps me to hear I wasn't the only one experienced the disappointment.

Pata Pata Pata Pon
Jun 20, 2007

Bodnoirbabe, I've been getting irrationally angry at some of the stuff we're getting, too. It seems like we have nothing but short-sleeved newborn size onesies for when our baby is born next month, and a shitton of long, heavy, fleece sleepers and jackets in sizes 9 months and up, when it will be high summertime. People just aren't thinking about how old she'll be during which seasons when they buy her things, and even though it's an easily remedied problem (put a jacket over the onesie in the winter!), I sometimes feel like people are doing it to personally piss me off. Which they aren't, it's just hormones, but I still secretly seethe with rage sometimes when I go through all the baby clothes.

Also, I HATE all the frilly pink things people are giving us and all that poo poo goes straight to the Goodwill pile. We are trying to stick with ducks and dinosaurs and turtles and stuff 'cause that's what we like and think is cute, but everything for little girls is all "Daddy's sweet princess!" and "Mommy's little shopper!" in horrific neon pink sparkles. I have had more than one person come up to me and say, "Oh, I saw the CUTEST little dinosaur jacket the other day that I KNEW you would love, but it was really blue and not in the girl's section so I didn't buy it." WHAT? Why do people think they can only buy something for a baby girl from the girl's section even if was something they knew I'd like?!

I mean, I do appreciate all the stuff people are giving us, but knowing I'm going to have to battle the FRILLY PINK PRINCESS poo poo for the next several years gives me a headache. However, if I were having a boy I'd also be pissed at all the sports and dump trucks plastered all over little boy's clothes so I guess I'd be unhappy and hormonal either way.

Twatty Seahag
Dec 30, 2007
Someone got me a princess-Christmas-elf dress thing in newborn size...My due date was 1/18. :downs:

It gets better once you're into bigger sizes. Now that my daughter is comfortable in shirts/tunics with separate pants it's easier to find girl stuff that's not over the top. Now that she crawls I use that as an excuse to return dresses.

Doom Catcher
Sep 11, 2001

Sometimes, I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion!

The Young Marge posted:



Baby clothes are 95% ugly no matter what gender your baby is. If it's not loving Sports All Over the drat Place, it's Pretty Pretty Disney Princess Time. Plaid, stripes or solids will suffice just fine. Dinosaurs are fine; I can also deal with guitars, rockets/space, skulls and robots. I don't get why everything for babies has to be either white, light pink or pastel blue, though. They're just going to poo poo and puke all over everything, so I want darker colors that won't show the stains. And why must they all SAY something? "Mommy's #1 Handsome Little Man!" "Daddy's Tough Guy!" :haw:

I love you for saying this. I LOVE Target but I had a hell of a time finding anything that was not IM PRETTY DISNEY PRINCESS, or anything that wasn't pink. I bought everything that wasn't pink and came home with 5 things, lol.

Mall stores have a better selection, I would just prefer Target prices ;).

I got a bunch of hand me downs thankfully from my brother's daughter that are plain but still cute

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Sarsaparilla
Feb 24, 2007

You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.
I guess I was kind of opposite with the gender. My boyfriend and I were both pretty excited about little boy clothes. When we found out it was going to be a girl, I was disappointed to find everything had hello kitty and butterflies and flowers (dinosaurs and monkeys and superheros are SO much cooler!) Right now we're focusing on a fairly pink-less nursery/baby stuff, a difficult task to undertake - let me tell you!

I live in Chicago and my due date is in late January and I've quickly gone from a size small to a size "small+smuggling basketball." Anybody else having trouble with maternity winter coats? I don't want to spend 100+ for something I'll wear for a month or two, tops.

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