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This isn't trolling, we're discussing really important themes in ASOIAF. Theon's dick is just one of many important plot points of this series.
Contra Calculus fucked around with this message at 05:38 on Oct 16, 2011 |
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Oct 16, 2011 04:43
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from the TVIV thread:
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Oct 16, 2011 04:56
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whowhatwhere posted:from the TVIV thread: Okay, I don't get what this poster is trying to say. Unless Ned ordered Summer to be NEUTERED (not spayed, males cannot be spayed read a book  ) while everyone was in Winterfell at the beginning of the first book, I don't see what bearing this has. Especially if Ned were to order it after Bran's fall and crippling, that would be (dramatic?) irony regarding the likelihood of Bran ever fathering a child. Tyrion is a Lannister, so it doesn't make sense for him to be referring to Summer in a familiar manner, let alone discussing the direwolf's reproductive situation. Although certain things which are said in later books omg spoiler 'you are no son of mine' says Tywin as he is shot by his NOT SON read my conspiracy theory indicate the possibility that Tyrion is actually a SeCrEt sTaRk, possibly fathered by Ned on Lady Joanna after the Battle of the Trident but before the sack of King's Landing. Furthermore, the eurocentric patricarchial sexual violence paradigm noble savage stereotype continues to undermine the inherently parochial rape Stockholm syndrome 13 years old in the book dragonskin immunity to nonmagical fire on a DC 20 Fortitude save Littlefinger.
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Oct 16, 2011 05:10
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There is no basis behind any of your insane theory. First of all, it is a well-known fact that Ned Stark was banging his sister long before Lannisters copied it and made it uncool. Why else would he flashback to that promise he made to Lyanna in the Tower of Joy? It was prophesied in the House of Warlocks that there would be a rose on the wall. That rose clearly represents Tyrion because he was on the wall for the first part of the first book. Therefore he is the son of Lyanna Stark and Ned Stark. The entire theme this whole time behind these drat books have been incest. Literally everything is about incest! That's why there is so much rape and midget porn in this series, it's to distract you from the theme of incest. This is why Theon's dick was really important to Asha. edit: By the way, page 140 has been the most coherent discussion this thread has had so far. Contra Calculus fucked around with this message at 05:41 on Oct 16, 2011 |
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Oct 16, 2011 05:35
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Simon Draskovic posted:Okay, I don't get what this poster is trying to say. Unless Ned ordered Summer to be NEUTERED (not spayed, males cannot be spayed read a book I think he's using "spayed" somewhat euphemistically in reference to Lady's fate at the hands of Cersei/Joffrey.
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Oct 16, 2011 13:59
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Look, all I know is that this series has made me seriously rethink who should father my children. I have at least one uncle and a male cousin and I just can't decide who should have the honor.
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Oct 16, 2011 15:17
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my cat is norris posted:Look, all I know is that this series has made me seriously rethink who should father my children. I have at least one uncle and a male cousin and I just can't decide who should have the honor. Which one is a beautiful goddess like Lancel Lannister?
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Oct 16, 2011 17:25
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my cat is norris posted:Look, all I know is that this series has made me seriously rethink who should father my children. I have at least one nuncle and a male cousin and I just can't decide who should have the honor. Think you had a typo in there.
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Oct 16, 2011 18:02
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It of course depends on who has the most neeps and who will offer the largest lamprey pie for the wedding. Anyone who doesn't offer any isn't worth a mummer's fart.
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Oct 16, 2011 18:36
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my cat is norris posted:Look, all I know is that this series has made me seriously rethink who should father my children. I have at least one uncle and a male cousin and I just can't decide who should have the honor. Obviously you should bang both of them and leave it up to chance.
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Oct 16, 2011 18:37
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Why are mummer's farts worth less than normal people farts? This is important to my thesis paper.
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Oct 16, 2011 20:19
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A mummer's fart is like faking an orgasm. When a real person farts, you know they had some lamprey pie.
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Oct 16, 2011 20:29
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gently caress yeah, lamprey pie Don't those just look so goddamn delicious? I wanna shove four and twenty of those things into a pie and bake the poo poo out of it, serve it with some suckling pig maybe, or puppy's brains.
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Oct 16, 2011 20:40
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It's agreed. Manderly's corpse will be the father of my heir. I saw some mountains blowing around or some poo poo so I think his seed'll still be okay.
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Oct 16, 2011 20:42
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Azure_Horizon posted:GOD, who cares about Theon's lack of a cock? You have a better topic that hasn't been discussed a hundred times in this thread allready?
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Oct 17, 2011 01:30
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Is that new Sleeping Beauty movie based on one of Gurrm's short stories?
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Oct 17, 2011 01:35
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New crossover coming: "Theon Greyjoy: The Balls Are Inert" featuring Gohan Connington and the Mad Bard Piccolini.
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Oct 17, 2011 02:02
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Imagine Theon's balls on the edge of a cliff.
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Oct 17, 2011 02:12
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I'm imagining Theon's balls in the Sookie Stackhouse universe.
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Oct 17, 2011 02:36
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I hope Theon turns out to be a were-kraken in the next book. Who doesn't love Sookie Stackhouse? Well... there's Pam, I guess.
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Oct 17, 2011 03:14
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So that crossover fanart DOES exist for a reason... Eric is so kawaii in this! I wonder if he's a Secret Targ, too?! He could be. I bet his eyes were purple before he was bitten by his bishy lover, Ser Loras! my cat is norris fucked around with this message at 03:21 on Oct 17, 2011 |
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Oct 17, 2011 03:18
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I saw 55 new posts and got excited that something had happened but it was just a couple pages about Theon's penis.
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Oct 17, 2011 03:49
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Anders posted:You have a better topic that hasn't been discussed a hundred times in this thread allready? ~Daario Nahaaris~ is eternally better than Theon's lack of a dick.
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Oct 17, 2011 04:15
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Azure_Horizon posted:~Daario Nahaaris~ is eternally better than Theon's lack of a dick. This guy right here has his priorities straight. Well maybe not straight, because ~Daario~ transcends traditional Westerosi gender roles.
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Oct 17, 2011 04:32
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Azure_Horizon posted:~Daario Nahaaris~ is eternally better than Theon's lack of a dick. I don't know if he's in me, or I'm in him.  (I slept through most of sex ed)
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Oct 17, 2011 05:54
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hailthefish posted:I don't know if he's in me, or I'm in him. Maybe gurm based Dani on the wrestler Chyna.
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Oct 17, 2011 08:21
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Elindale posted:Maybe gurm based Dani on the wrestler Chyna. So Daenerys has a clitdick?
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Oct 17, 2011 09:02
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Scrubber posted:It seemed to me that it wasn't really made clear whether Theon lost his penis or was castrated. Either one would have worked for the "not a man" quotes and the hints about something else being cut off. Dietrich posted:I was pretty sure he was talking metaphorically about no longer being a man. Like he's been reduced to a miserable pile of secrets or something through the torture. Ramsay rose, the firelight shining on his face. "Reek, get over here. Get her ready for me." For a moment he did not understand. "I... do you mean... m'lord, I have no... I..." "With your mouth," Lord Ramsay said. (Pg 499) Gone, root and stem. In gurm's Permanent Renaissance Festival Torture Porn world, they joust for keeps (and by keeps I mean your dick).
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Oct 17, 2011 11:29
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Oh hey there's the quote I was going to dig up. Thanks, non-lazy Goon!
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Oct 17, 2011 12:05
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I don't doubt that this sort of thing could happen with Gurm, I just think he would have been explicit. He hasn't shied from talking about Varys or the Unsullied's lacking parts. If it is gone, either he thought that Theon had visibly suffered enough, or... oh my god, this is going to turn into an inspirationally handicapped story, isn't it?
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Oct 17, 2011 12:19
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mikey triumph posted:Ramsay rose, the firelight shining on his face. "Reek, get over here. Get her ready for me." Yeah, that was the quote that sealed it for me, but I agree that it's really not like GRRM to keep something like that even slightly ambiguous, so it is all a bit odd. Makes sense though. Theon was always thinking with his cock, it was what defined him, so there's parallels with Jaime losing his sword hand on the way to redemption in the reader's mind yadda, yadda, yadda........
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Oct 17, 2011 13:12
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Keep in mind we were seeing everything from Theon's perspective, and he did not like to dwell too long on the details of what he experienced at Ramsay's hands. He was blocking out a lot of what happened to him as a way of coping with the trauma.
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Oct 17, 2011 13:29
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Dude doesn't always need to slap us in the face with a severed cock. He can have a conversation with you and see if you notice there are two bulges in his pants.
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Oct 17, 2011 13:31
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Azure_Horizon posted:So Daenerys has a clitdick? And literally put it inside of ~~Daario Nahaaris~~
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Oct 17, 2011 14:33
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Elindale posted:And literally put it inside of ~~Daario Nahaaris~~ I was on pins and needles for the entire book just praying and hoping that ~~Daario~~ was going to stick one of them swords through Daenarys back.
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Oct 17, 2011 15:14
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Maytag posted:Dude doesn't always need to slap us in the face with a severed cock. He can have a conversation with you and see if you notice there are two bulges in his pants. How did we arrive at two bulges...
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Oct 17, 2011 15:17
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I assume Maytag is referring to the rare double boner effect in which the planets align with your dick causing a second dick to appear. I'm really glad we're talking about this in such detail because it's nice to have a chance to seriouspost about the book without having to say again how terrible I thought it was.
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Oct 17, 2011 15:54
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Junkenstein posted:Yeah, that was the quote that sealed it for me, but I agree that it's really not like GRRM to keep something like that even slightly ambiguous, so it is all a bit odd. GURM fears the usable male penis; he has not seen his own in 40 years. In his writing the male who lacks a penis is looked down upon but also empowered (Varys is a puppetmastermind, Unsullied are exemplary fighters). Characters like Khal Drogo with strong virile penises not hidden by layers of fat and grease are executed by the plot. In this light Ned's death was not due to botched political machinations and the whim of a spoiled child, but punishment for being able to use his penis with a woman at the start of the series (note how in that specific scene Catelyn's first thought is toward Ned's semen and its babymaking potential, and not intense pain at having her ribcage and pelvis crushed by the weight of a horny landwhale). From this line of thinking we can conclude that if Jon comes back, it will be as a zombie, rendering his cock useless.
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Oct 17, 2011 16:24
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Dominion posted:Imagine Theon's balls on the edge of a cliff. I bet Zybourne Clock would make a badass Wild Cards book. Too bad George would rather work on Sooky Stackhouse chronicles. My name is Reek it rhymes with FORT FREAK! 
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Oct 17, 2011 16:37
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YES bread posted:GURM fears the usable male penis; he has not seen his own in 40 years. In his writing the male who lacks a penis is looked down upon but also empowered (Varys is a puppetmastermind, Unsullied are exemplary fighters). Characters like Khal Drogo with strong virile penises not hidden by layers of fat and grease are executed by the plot. It all makes so much sense now. Explains Strong Belwas's ability to eat a shitload of poisoned crickets and not die as well; he lacks a penis and therefore can consume mass quantities of food just like Gurm. Hmm, and Bran's dick is useless too. Who is even left in this series with a working cock? Tyrion, Jaime, ~DAAAAAAARIO~? How will theirs be taken by the Gurm?
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Oct 17, 2011 17:38
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