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The Moon Monster
Dec 30, 2005

Amorphous Blob posted:

I'm probably opening a can of worms by saying this, but I've been told that a little bit of axe smells nice. Just don't douse yourself in the stuff.

Sounds like someone's not executing a proper double pits to chesty.

e: Wow, I just read that article and it blows my mind that a significant segment of the population is this loving stupid

quote:

Insecure high-school students had been so convincingly persuaded that Axe would make them sexually appealing that they began completely dousing themselves in it.

What the hell? I thought everyone just took it for granted that all advertisements are blatant lies by a soulless corporation to get you to throw your money away for their worthless product, but I guess not. Second, that article repeatedly uses words like "brilliant" to describe Axe's ad campaign. What is so goddamn brilliant about "Use our product and hot women will have sex with you."? That's the single most obvious approach I can think of for men's grooming products.

The Moon Monster fucked around with this message at 21:48 on Oct 25, 2011

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QuickbreathFinisher
Sep 28, 2008

by reading this post you have agreed to form a gay socialist micronation.
`

The Moon Monster posted:

Sounds like someone's not executing a proper double pits to chesty.

What is wrong with you? I had almost forgotten that bullshit.

E: in response to the part you edited in, I remember there used to be a rumor when I was in middle school like 10 years ago, when axe was new and everyone was an awkward teenager. According to the rumor, Axe had female hormones or pheremones or some bullshit in it that made chicks attracted to you if you wear it. I dunno if that was a widespread thing or what was up with that rumor, but all us stupid seventh graders doused ourselves in the bullshit before dances. Smelled p bad. I used it once and said gently caress this because I didn't like how it smelled. I actually got more kisses at dances because I didn't reek like a perfume orgy. :c00lbert:

Double edit: just remembered I used bone daddy from hot topic, which is, looking back, just as embarrassing, but it was less popular and I didn't cover myself with it. So I was the best smelling teenager at the dance :q:.

In other terrible commercial news, we all know the geico "using smartphones to do dumb things." It's pretty accurate but I've seen it way too much to not hate it now. Meanwhile, I just noticed that another geico commercial, the one with the rowing guinea pigs, has a promo at the end to download their FREE rowing guinea pig app.

I think that's kind of stupid.

QuickbreathFinisher fucked around with this message at 22:11 on Oct 25, 2011

Thenipwax
Jun 20, 2001

by Ozmaugh

RaspberryCommie posted:

Use Old Spice instead. Smells much more pleasant.

Or buy cologne that costs more than 7 dollars.

Vicas
Dec 9, 2009

Sweet tricks, mom.

The Moon Monster posted:

What the hell? I thought everyone just took it for granted that all advertisements are blatant lies by a soulless corporation to get you to throw your money away for their worthless product, but I guess not. Second, that article repeatedly uses words like "brilliant" to describe Axe's ad campaign. What is so goddamn brilliant about "Use our product and hot women will have sex with you."? That's the single most obvious approach I can think of for men's grooming products.

Well see it made them a shitton of money, which makes it pretty brilliant from a marketing standpoint.

MoonTuna
Feb 11, 2011

by angerbot

404GoonNotFound posted:

I dunno if this is local or nationwide, but Conoco-Phillips is currently bombarding us with a "hydrofracking is PERFECTLY SAFE!" ad that feels just about as truthful and informative as the ol' "high fructose corn syrup comes from corn, therefore it's natural and good for you!" campaign.

"Tap water on fire? Urban legend! Tainted groundwater? SHUT UP HIPPIE! We wouldn't do this if it were unsafe, we're a REAL AMERICAN corporation. It's helping the economy!"

:suicide:

The premise is that if it UNDER the water table nothing bad happens. I guess they ignored the fact GAS rises? As a side note, as more and more towns struggle to find ways to make money, they allow these people to come in and destroy the area. Whatever it takes to make a quick buck in this world.

That stupid "freedom coin" bullshit is back on tv again, WITH THE WAR MAPS USED FOR SEAL TEAM 6. gently caress the franklin mint or whatever, as a side bonus you can use your worthless shiny disc to buy poo poo in Liberia.

Thenipwax
Jun 20, 2001

by Ozmaugh
There is a McDonald's ad out now that is advertising the McCafe coffees and espressos. Anyway, they have this guy with a foreign accent, and he says "...blah blah EXPresso" and it drives me loving nuts. Any serious fan of coffee wouldn't pronounce it that way, right? It seems as though the demographic is stupid and fat soccer moms or dads that "LOVE THEIR EXPRESSO". Ugh.

Nut Bunnies
May 24, 2005

Fun Shoe
There was a discussion of ads that use 5 seconds of a song a few pages ago, and I thought of my favorite example. Unfortunately RIM took the original down, but the UK version that's half as long should give you an indication:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7uJXuKel_M

Of course, Flash being such an important selling point is high comedy in itself.

Maxwell Lord
Dec 12, 2008

I am drowning.
There is no sign of land.
You are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand.

And I hope you die.

I hope we both die.


:smith:

Grimey Drawer
The best part of the Axe article (and someone points this out in the comments) is that these guys did research over a period of years, went to bars, divided people into 6 categories, did all the research, etc.

The result? "Let's put chicks in bikinis and have them leap on guys who use our spray."

trilobite terror
Oct 20, 2007
BUT MY LIVELIHOOD DEPENDS ON THE FORUMS!
When I was in middle/high school, I think everybody sort-of-knew/overtly knew that AXE was foul garbage. I remember it used to be a big thing for obnoxious antisocial douchebags to "AXE bomb" each other/peoples' backpacks/entire buses. Picture kids bringing cans to school as weapons- holding each other down while spraying face-blasts point-blank. Or worse, opening your locker to find a nasty, sticky film on everything around the vents. A kid would brandish a black can in the air and an entire bus would rush to the windows and pull their shirts over their mouths. Those were dark days, my friends....dark days indeed......

QuickbreathFinisher posted:

In other terrible commercial news, we all know the geico "using smartphones to do dumb things." It's pretty accurate but I've seen it way too much to not hate it now. Meanwhile, I just noticed that another geico commercial, the one with the rowing guinea pigs, has a promo at the end to download their FREE rowing guinea pig app.

I think that's kind of stupid.

I don't necessarily think it's dumb. It seems like an "ironically (or not) embrace your dumbness! Yaaay!" kind of thing with a good amount of self-reference to the original commercial. Sure people use smartphones to do dumb things.....but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Look how much fun they're having!


And the Puss in Boots horse commercial really bugs me because it doesn't even try to be clever. It's just a shot-by-shot remake of the loving Old Spice ad in a way that says nothing.

I take that back- it says, "We're loving Dreamworks and as you can obviously tell after 10 years of this poo poo, we're hack writers and our entire schtick is still shoehorning bad pop culture references into our films, talking up which washed-up former A-lister we've hired to do this, and sucking the milk out of a franchise until its dead udders bleed. We're not Pixar, but we'll do our best to confuse young kids/idiots/the elderly into thinking we are and make a cool half-billion before too many people realize that this movie is garbage. See you again next year?"


Toucan Sam's Great SnowVenture-brought to you by Fruit Loops(TM) weirded me out with their randomly-added 90's ski bum George Clinton Yeti villain. Is he a super villain, or a fun dude? He holds the toucans hostage (or something like that) and they bust out with his loot. Also, he has a secret hi-tech lab for some reason. Then he chases them angrily, trips and gets trapped in a snowball, and subsequently crashes with a smile. All seems fine and they give him some cereal. What's the point of all this? Is it serious or is it a game? It seems like a big deal, but now George Clinton's all P-funked and chill. What gives?

I guess it might be a result of this "everyone wins" trend in kid's advertising. I'll admit, I used to feel really terrible for the Trix Rabbit/Lucky/Coco Puffs Bird/etc when I was really little. I was all like, "gently caress you TV kids. All he wants is his loving cereal. Look how sad this cartoon rabbit loving is. Now I feel bad. I wanna make my mom send him some cereal but I'm sure you pricks will just steal it or tell him he can't have any like some sort of cartoon nazi. What, are there rabbit-only bathrooms too?" And this would go on.....I was a pretty angry militant kid. But I've noticed this big trend in kid's cereal ads (yeah I watch Adventure Time on Cartoon Network, what of it?) to make a standard "chase for cereal with goofy mascot and children" ad like we've seen for the past 30-odd years and then retcon it at the very last minute with some shoehorned "D'aww, but they're really friends!" bit.

trilobite terror fucked around with this message at 08:24 on Oct 26, 2011

Jonny 290
May 5, 2005



[ASK] me about OS/2 Warp
Next gripe, and this is more audio than visual: The new trend of "Wacky Quiz Show Ads". Case in point: Netflix.

"What is blue plus seventeen?"
"A taco salad."

*DING*

"If pigs can fly, what can dogs do?"
"My taxes."

*DING*

And so on.

There's a local restaurant that ripped off the exact same format and it's really diluted and derivative.

the_Vandal
Feb 7, 2004

You make me wanna cry
You make me wanna die
I love you, I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love you
Night Man
I sure am tired of all these commercials.

tere
Oct 26, 2010

Maxwell Lord posted:

In other news, Wal-Mart is advertising the return of layaway.

Which is the most predatory thing ever.

No it's not. When Wal-Mart got rid of lay-away they lost a lot of business to Target* and K-mart (who offer lay away)





*some targets offer lay away

Now for content. Those drat AT&T LTE with the dudes sitting at the football parking lot is obnoxious. Oh that was soooooo 26 seconds ago. To top that off the LTE plan STILL has a 5gig limit.

SubponticatePoster
Aug 9, 2004

Every day takes figurin' out all over again how to fuckin' live.
Slippery Tilde
This is a local radio ad, so it doesn't really fit, but I have to complain about it somewhere. One of those payday loan places parodied the loving McDonald's Filet 'o Fish song. So imagine that annoying piece of poo poo, but done even worse and going on about how their predatory lending practices are so much better than those other guys' predatory lending practices!

Rhyno
Mar 22, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
A local bar has started having a special on smoked ribs and wings on weekdays so of course they uses the "SSSSSSSSSSSSSMOKIN'!!!!" quote from the Mask in their ads.

Christe Eleison
Feb 1, 2010

Jonny 290 posted:

Next gripe, and this is more audio than visual: The new trend of "Wacky Quiz Show Ads". Case in point: Netflix.

"What is blue plus seventeen?"
"A taco salad."

*DING*

"If pigs can fly, what can dogs do?"
"My taxes."

*DING*

And so on.

There's a local restaurant that ripped off the exact same format and it's really diluted and derivative.

Seriously, gently caress these. It sounds like a bad Kids in the Hall sketch.

Mahoning
Feb 3, 2007

Jonny 290 posted:

Next gripe, and this is more audio than visual: The new trend of "Wacky Quiz Show Ads". Case in point: Netflix.

"What is blue plus seventeen?"
"A taco salad."

*DING*

"If pigs can fly, what can dogs do?"
"My taxes."

*DING*

And so on.

There's a local restaurant that ripped off the exact same format and it's really diluted and derivative.

Are you talking about Bonefish Grille? They use a somewhat similar concept in their ads, but I don't hate it.

The Quake
Nov 1, 2006

There are these audio ads for Target on Pandora that have the most pretentious group of fucks I've ever heard, No one has ever spoken like that.

"More is my favorite word." :smug:

rockinricky
Mar 27, 2003
More radio ad bitching:

"Thank you for calling Rosetta Stone for the free demo."

"Yeah, what's the catch?"

The catch is that you have to listen to the full sales pitch which has from 1 to 3 attempts to get you to spend money before they'll take down your name and address to send the demo CD. Rosetta Stone language courses aren't cheap, they're like $150 per level, and some languages have 3 levels.

I used to work in a call center, and I know that I would have failed every call if I handled them like they do in commercials. I was a "Thank you for calling Rosetta Stone" person.

tere
Oct 26, 2010

rockinricky posted:

More radio ad bitching:

"Thank you for calling Rosetta Stone for the free demo."

"Yeah, what's the catch?"

The catch is that you have to listen to the full sales pitch which has from 1 to 3 attempts to get you to spend money before they'll take down your name and address to send the demo CD. Rosetta Stone language courses aren't cheap, they're like $150 per level, and some languages have 3 levels.

I used to work in a call center, and I know that I would have failed every call if I handled them like they do in commercials. I was a "Thank you for calling Rosetta Stone" person.

They want 400 to 500 dollars per language. Even on Ebay they're expensive.

Category Fun!
Dec 2, 2008

im just trying to get you into bed
There's a littlewoods advert on Channel 4 that starts off like a school play about christmas where all the kids are asking who left presents under the tree, but instead of praising santa like any sensible child they break into rap and pin it on mum. Not only does that completely ruin christmas for everyone under 8 but it also makes Channel 4 impossible to watch. It's even on 4od.

Rhyno
Mar 22, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
These Trident Layers commercials are so horrible.

Tupping Liberty
Mar 17, 2008

Never cross an introvert.
Maybe I'm the only one in TVIV that watches E! more often than just for The Soup, but man MAN this commercial is annoying.

Mostly for the repeated pronunciation of sublime as "subleem"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3p5uFChQFs

I get that Loreal is French, but saying it like that when the rest of the commercial is in English, and the announcer has one of those "typical American" accents just sounds ... weird.

OppositeAstronomer
May 26, 2008

yoink!

The Quake posted:

There are these audio ads for Target on Pandora that have the most pretentious group of fucks I've ever heard, No one has ever spoken like that.

"More is my favorite word." :smug:

For some reason, this just reminded me of those Lost based Target ads that aired during the series finale last year. Those were pretty drat good.

QuickbreathFinisher
Sep 28, 2008

by reading this post you have agreed to form a gay socialist micronation.
`

Tupping Liberty posted:

Maybe I'm the only one in TVIV that watches E! more often than just for The Soup, but man MAN this commercial is annoying.

Mostly for the repeated pronunciation of sublime as "subleem"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3p5uFChQFs

I get that Loreal is French, but saying it like that when the rest of the commercial is in English, and the announcer has one of those "typical American" accents just sounds ... weird.

Ugh, it's on Bravo, too. I hate that commercial for the same reason. If they got a French chick it would make sense, but would still probably be annoying.

Edit: while I'm talking about Bravo, holy poo poo is their announcer annoying. I don't know if anyone else watches Bravo here, but the announcer they get to hawk all their terrible reality shows has the most obnoxious nasally voice I can imagine. He sounds like the voice they would give to an annoying-as-poo poo Jack Russell Terrier in a talking-dog comedy. I hate him. Why must you torture me, Bravo?!

QuickbreathFinisher fucked around with this message at 08:12 on Oct 27, 2011

Jonny 290
May 5, 2005



[ASK] me about OS/2 Warp

Mahoning posted:

Are you talking about Bonefish Grille? They use a somewhat similar concept in their ads, but I don't hate it.

Huh, had no idea they were a chain.

ONE YEAR LATER
Apr 13, 2004

Fry old buddy, it's me, Bender!
Oven Wrangler
There's a Wendy's radio ad where they're talking to some firemen about their spicy chicken sandwich and the audio on the firemen is kinda crappy (clearly not recorded in a booth) while the narrator/spokesperson is professionally mixed and such. The thing that bugs the gently caress out of me is that the script has the two voices 'interacting' so there's some low quality audio of someone saying "this sandwich is hot" and then high quality audio of a woman responding like she's actually there talking to the guy. It's stupid and I don't like it and come to think of it the only fast food commercials I like are Burger King because at least they try to be funny and not push their crappy food like it's gourmet cuisine like everyone else.

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003

by Hand Knit

Rhyno posted:

These Trident Layers commercials are so horrible.

Looks like someone is jealous that he's not getting paid in gum.

Tardcore
Jan 24, 2011

Not cool enough for the Spider-man club.

Iron Crowned posted:

Looks like someone is jealous that he's not getting paid in gum.

Nobody pays me in gum...:smith:

Doomsday Jesus
Oct 8, 2004

Doomsday Jesus we need you now.

ONE YEAR LATER posted:

I like are Burger King because at least they try to be funny and not push their crappy food like it's gourmet cuisine like everyone else.

http://youtu.be/blHLEZhSd0E

Think again...

Rhyno
Mar 22, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!

Iron Crowned posted:

Looks like someone is jealous that he's not getting paid in gum.

Tardcore posted:

Nobody pays me in gum...:smith:

I'll kill you both, I swear to God...

Nut Bunnies
May 24, 2005

Fun Shoe

ONE YEAR LATER posted:

There's a Wendy's radio ad where they're talking to some firemen about their spicy chicken sandwich and the audio on the firemen is kinda crappy (clearly not recorded in a booth) while the narrator/spokesperson is professionally mixed and such. The thing that bugs the gently caress out of me is that the script has the two voices 'interacting' so there's some low quality audio of someone saying "this sandwich is hot" and then high quality audio of a woman responding like she's actually there talking to the guy. It's stupid and I don't like it and come to think of it the only fast food commercials I like are Burger King because at least they try to be funny and not push their crappy food like it's gourmet cuisine like everyone else.

They actually went to a fire house in Lowell, MA and gave the firefighters some sandwiches.

phourniner
Feb 19, 2007

When you're in a town like this all covered with smoke, you forget that there's a world outside. Nothing amazing happens here. And you get used to that, used to a world where everything is ordinary. Every day we spend here is like a whole lifetime of dying slowly.


tere posted:

They want 400 to 500 dollars per language. Even on Ebay they're expensive.

This is why people pirate Rosetta Stone.

trilobite terror
Oct 20, 2007
BUT MY LIVELIHOOD DEPENDS ON THE FORUMS!

Tupping Liberty posted:

I get that Loreal is French, but saying it like that when the rest of the commercial is in English, and the announcer has one of those "typical American" accents just sounds ... weird.

It really bothers me when they have an over-done "French person talking" schtick with Tressemmé ads because it isn't French and "Tressemé" is not a word that makes any loving sense in French. If you've ever taken French courses in school, chances are you've had at least one teacher or professor make Tressemé the butt of jokes on how to look like a "stupid American."

trilobite terror fucked around with this message at 17:31 on Oct 27, 2011

trilobite terror
Oct 20, 2007
BUT MY LIVELIHOOD DEPENDS ON THE FORUMS!

phourniner posted:

This is why people pirate Rosetta Stone.

Thus, this is why they're price-inflated. And the cycle continues.......

Vin BioEthanol
Jan 18, 2002

by Ralp

Electric Bugaloo posted:

It really bothers me when they have an over-done "French person talking" schtick with Tressemmé ads because it isn't French and "Tressemé" is not a word that makes any loving sense in French. If you've ever taken French courses in school, chances are you've had at least one teacher or professor make Tressemé the butt of jokes on how to look like a "stupid American."

Do Pantene, Selsun, Motorola, Skoal, Cadillac and on and on make any sense in English?

I'm pretty well against making things seem or sound European but at least they made up a word and didn't just borrow a French word that means armchair or something, or use some random French surname that no one in the company has.

trilobite terror
Oct 20, 2007
BUT MY LIVELIHOOD DEPENDS ON THE FORUMS!

Wagonburner posted:

Do Pantene, Selsun, Motorola, Skoal, Cadillac and on and on make any sense in English?

I'm pretty well against making things seem or sound European but at least they made up a word and didn't just borrow a French word that means armchair or something, or use some random French surname that no one in the company has.

Using a legit name or an existing word seems to make a lot more sense to me than putting sounds together into something that's supposed to resemble a given language.

Even if they don't make sense in English (or at least, people don't know what they mean) Quesadilla or Cordon-bleu are a lot better than Chalupa, Fruitista or Frostacchino.

And my specific gripe was with commercials selling up or trying to legitimize the "Frenchness" of an American shampoo with a bullshit name by hawking it with models going "Ooh La La!" and affecting strong gauloise accents. I doesn't bother me that Tressemé is a thing or that it's called that.

trilobite terror fucked around with this message at 18:45 on Oct 27, 2011

ONE YEAR LATER
Apr 13, 2004

Fry old buddy, it's me, Bender!
Oven Wrangler

Nut Bunnies posted:

They actually went to a fire house in Lowell, MA and gave the firefighters some sandwiches.

That's not my problem, it's the woman who they have talking at them like she's there. It sounds strange to me and I don't like it.

SpacePig
Apr 4, 2007

I'M FEELING JIMMY

ONE YEAR LATER posted:

That's not my problem, it's the woman who they have talking at them like she's there. It sounds strange to me and I don't like it.

I never got the feeling that she was supposed to be talking to them in that commercial. Like, there's no back and forth between them. It's more like she's commenting on the comments they give the chicken.

That said, I do hate that series of commercial, though. They just seem so fake overall.

Grassy Knowles
Apr 4, 2003

"The original Terminator was a gritty fucking AMAZING piece of sci-fi. Gritty fucking rock-hard MURDER!"

Electric Bugaloo posted:

Using a legit name or an existing word seems to make a lot more sense to me than putting sounds together into something that's supposed to resemble a given language.

Even if they don't make sense in English (or at least, people don't know what they mean) Quesadilla or Cordon-bleu are a lot better than Chalupa, Fruitista or Frostacchino.

And my specific gripe was with commercials selling up or trying to legitimize the "Frenchness" of an American shampoo with a bullshit name by hawking it with models going "Ooh La La!" and affecting strong gauloise accents. I doesn't bother me that Tressemé is a thing or that it's called that.

Chalupas is a real thing. It isn't what they serve at Taco Bell, but it isn't a fake Taco-Bell-word.

Also, did 99 Problems just become available to advertisers or what? Now Tower Heist is using it...

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QuickbreathFinisher
Sep 28, 2008

by reading this post you have agreed to form a gay socialist micronation.
`
I REALLY don't like this manly-jawed woman telling me about how the NoNo can remove all hair from my body. She's yapping about how the NoNo can be used on facial hair and pointing at her upper lip. With a smile on her face. It freaks me p bad. She has the same insane glint in her eyes as that astronaut that drove across country in diapers to kill her boy's lover or whatever happened with that. Like she might start off shaving her legs and then she ends up chopping her two least favorite children in half with a straight-razor. Because they weren't mommy's perfect little boys or something.

So, yeah. The NoNo lady disturbs me pretty bad, especially the one ginger she has talking about getting his girlfriend to NoNo his asstop-lowerback hair while he's wearing a shirt that looks like Thomas Kinkade's diarrhea on an acid trip.

thanx logo.

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