Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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Mr. Funny Pants: Apr 9, 2001

Mornacale posted:

Honestly, I'll defend that. Unlike baseball, where the effect of steroids is pretty questionable, it's fairly certain that steroids can help make someone a stronger, faster skater; this would increase a player's chance to get open, and hence get shots on goal.

That said, the allegation itself is retarded and who gives a gently caress anyway?

Ok, makes sense. As an outsider to the sport, I was thinking along the lines of someone like Gretzky, who not only wasn't ripped or large, but didn't look particularly healthy (I remember seeing a picture of him without a shirt on and thinking, "Holy poo poo, I'm bigger than him."). But that's probably not fair of me since I'm using one freakish example rather than the norm.

# ? Dec 7, 2011 04:22

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 08:45

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

Mr. Funny Pants posted:

Ok, makes sense. As an outsider to the sport, I was thinking along the lines of someone like Gretzky, who not only wasn't ripped or large, but didn't look particularly healthy (I remember seeing a picture of him without a shirt on and thinking, "Holy poo poo, I'm bigger than him."). But that's probably not fair of me since I'm using one freakish example rather than the norm.

Yeah, definitely they're not the biggest factor or anything, but when you're comparing a player to himself it seems reasonable to me that steroids could have an effect.

# ? Dec 7, 2011 04:24

chocolateTHUNDER: Jul 19, 2008; GIVE ME ALL YOUR FREE AGENTS

ALL OF THEM

Okposolypse posted:

Roids would help a lot for specific players and if Laraque is to be believed, its common place. I'd assume its common place more within the goons. Actual players need more lean muscle, being bulky (especially in today's speed game) doesn't help. It would help with recovery times though.

If anyone is a steroid suspect is DiPietro who put on as poo poo load of bulky muscle in a single offseason then proceeded to have every joint in from the hip down deteriorate despite being a fitness/workout freak and a natural multi-sport athlete.

You were actually the first person I heard this from awhile back; what are the sources on this? I haven't heard a peep about DP and roids but my ear isn't as close to the ground for isles news as you obviously.

Not trying to call you out, just curious that's all. Did someone in the locker room peep to the media about it all stealth-like? :ninja:

# ? Dec 7, 2011 05:29

Okposolypse: Jan 1, 2009; by Debbie Metallica

chocolateTHUNDER posted:

You were actually the first person I heard this from awhile back; what are the sources on this? I haven't heard a peep about DP and roids but my ear isn't as close to the ground for isles news as you obviously.

Not trying to call you out, just curious that's all. Did someone in the locker room peep to the media about it all stealth-like?

People on the IslanderMania message board have connects to people inside the team. Either by working there, or associating with people who do, or through some of the season ticket team greets where fans have had conversations with Nolan and such. From people who used to go to the practices, news articles from the time (Isles website was bragging about his sudden macho-man physique and said he was poised to have a huge year). It was a really rapid weight gain and it was pure muscle, dude was absolutely ripped (those who would go iceworks said he gained it all in like 2-3 months from April to the very first skates when he would do workouts with McCabe and poo poo). The year before Sean Hill was busted for roids in an incident that was surprisingly quietly swept under the rug. The sudden muscle mass addition and subsequent destruction of his joints are suspicious. And there were steroid being used in the Isles lockerroom by Hill.

I don't fully buy the story, but for someone who is as freakishly into his health/body as DP, I just find it hard to believe he had the kind of injuries he did. They just completely wore out. Some of it maybe that DP rubs people the wrong way in person (theres a good story of him in the AHL and how vets were getting pissed cause he he was a smug poo poo to the AHL vets), but if you wanted a classic example of steroid symptoms, DP had 'em all. Ovy drinks a shitload and its probably a conditioning thing. He can be explosive in short bursts and when it matters but he can't fly around anymore. That and there is better offensive depth cutting into his minutes.

Okposolypse fucked around with this message at 06:37 on Dec 7, 2011

# ? Dec 7, 2011 06:15

morestuff: Aug 2, 2008; You can't stop what's coming

I really liked this piece. Combination travelogue and diary about training in a Muay Thai gym:

quote:

The gym is a little compound with granite-brick walls about 12 feet high, and a huge wrought-iron gate that�s painted gold and quite ornate and as such stands at odds with the rigorous unfanciness of everything else. All the cooking and eating and fighting is done in the open air, under corrugated metal roofs that start in about five feet above the walls. Right when you come through the gates you see a few big picnic tables made of dark wood, with logs for legs, and behind that there�s a fridge and folding table and a couple of rough cabinets with dishes and cooking supplies. All the food�s cooked back there, in one pot over a big gas burner. Up on one wall by the tables there�s some photos of fighters who�ve trained at the gym and photos of Jitti at various ages and some weird water-color portraits of boxers. Top row center, pride of place is given to a poster of Natalie Portman dressed as a galactic princess, which reads �One Love. One Quest. Star Wars.�

# ? Dec 7, 2011 21:16

stuart scott: Mar 9, 2007

This had me going for a second

http://deadspin.com/5866134/

# ? Dec 9, 2011 21:03

Holy Diverticulitis: Dec 8, 2009; damn good anus! and hot!

This is bullshit:

http://www.baseballprospectus.com/article.php?articleid=15644

I don't know who these guys are, but I will NOT be reading Baseball Prospectus again anytime soon if this is the kind of riffraff that they allow to sully their webpages. User should lose posting privileges for ALL the hours.

# ? Dec 9, 2011 22:42

stuart scott: Mar 9, 2007

Who the gently caress is anyone really

stuart scott fucked around with this message at 02:38 on Dec 10, 2011

# ? Dec 9, 2011 22:46

Holy Diverticulitis: Dec 8, 2009; damn good anus! and hot!

edit - something something internet

Holy Diverticulitis fucked around with this message at 02:40 on Dec 10, 2011

# ? Dec 9, 2011 22:48

Crion: Sep 30, 2004; baseball.

That piece was a rushjob we started Wednesday night and managed to get servicable by Thursday; I'm doing the ProGUESTus or whatever next week as well with an article I've had to rewrite twice because of Jeff Freaking Mathis

Crion fucked around with this message at 02:39 on Dec 10, 2011

# ? Dec 9, 2011 23:01

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

That article is Real Good btw

e: Except the end, which suggests that there could be hope and joy in the future.

Mornacale fucked around with this message at 23:27 on Dec 9, 2011

# ? Dec 9, 2011 23:23

ChampRamp: Mar 29, 2010; SAVE_US.CHR

I went to Yahoo and saw Jeff Passan wrote an article, I figured hilarity would be in there. I was right.

On Ryan Braun testing positive

Passan posted:

Who do you want to give it to? Matt Kemp?

And you know Matt Kemp didn�t use PEDs how?

Great argument there Jeff :thumbsup:

# ? Dec 11, 2011 18:39

Medical Sword: May 23, 2005; Goghing, Goghing, gone

Who do you want to elect President, some Other Dude??? How do you know he wouldn't start, like, THIRTY wars?

# ? Dec 11, 2011 18:40

R.D. Mangles: Jan 10, 2004

'Look At Me!' A Rant Against Excessive Celebrations

quote:

Humility is a great quality. I can only imagine these attention-seeking athletes standing in front of their bathroom mirrors practices their end zone celebration and actually believing they look cool. How ridiculous would I look if I was producing my newscast and as soon as it ended, I began dancing and acting like a moron? What if I left the control room and ran out in front of the camera and spiked my script? If someone tells me I did a good job, I always say "thank you." But I never milk it.

I know the passage sounds so ridiculous that it can't be anything other than satirical, but based on the rest of the column, it appears to be completely sincere. I'll let you decide whether or not this article contains the phrase "act like you've been there before."

# ? Dec 13, 2011 01:27

ElwoodCuse: Jan 11, 2004; we're puttin' the band back together

https://prohockeytalk.nbcsports.com/2011/12/12/columnist-fleury-was-an-enabler-of-sexual-abuser/

Retired hockey player and sexual abuse victim Theo Fleury was an "enabler" because he didn't speak out against his coach sooner

ugh

# ? Dec 13, 2011 02:20

KYOON GRIFFEY JR: Apr 12, 2010; Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

the gazette says some dumb things about hockey now and again but christ that its just disgraceful

i quote it here to avoid getting clicks for that fucker (also it sucks huge dicks in terms of quality as well as premise)

quote:

MONTREAL - It was the right message from the wrong messenger.

Shortly after Graham James pleaded guilty to sexually assaulting former National Hockey League player Theoren Fleury and an unnamed victim, Fleury held a news conference and accused Canada�s politicians of doing nothing to protect our children.

He was criticial of the ruling that allows James to remain free on bail in Montreal until he is sentenced by a Winnipeg court in February.

�It�s just unbelievable for me when I think about what happened and that he was granted a pardon,� said Fleury, referring to a pardon following a similar conviction in 1997. �Then he was allowed to leave the country, go to Mexicio and who know what he was doing in Mexico. Then he comes back, they give him bail so he can continue his behaviour in Montreal.�

I agree James should be doing hard time. In fact, I don�t understand why he was granted bail earlier this year after Fleury ended years of silence by detailing the abuse in his best-selling, as-told-to autobiography.

But I find it hypocritical that Fleury can blast the justice system for giving James two months of freedom when he provided his former coach with years.

James�s perversions first came to light when former NHL player Sheldon Kennedy stepped forward in 1996. Kennedy is the hero of this piece and, on the day James pleaded guilty, he was testifying before a U.S. Congressional hearing into sexual abuse of children, a hot topic in the U.S. in the wake of scandals involving alleged criminal acts by coaches at Penn State and Syracuse University.

Fleury didn�t show the same courage as Kennedy, which is understandable because he had more to lose. Kennedy was a role player whose career was being derailed by substance abuse. Fleury was a star and, if he was having problems with drugs or alcohol at that time, they hadn�t affected his performance on the ice. If Fleury had come forward, there may have been more outrage and James may have received a harsher sentence. If Fleury has come forward, it might have made life easier for Kennedy.

Nobody should question Fleury�s decision to remain silent. What should be questioned is Fleury�s continuing role in James�s life. At the time of Kennedy�s revelations, James was the coach of the Calgary Hitmen. He was one of the co-owners of the junior team in the Western Hockey League. One of the other owners was Theoren Fleury. Here was someone who had suffered abuse at the hands of Graham James. Here was someone who knew that James had abused other players. Here was someone who was exposing other children to the same sexual predator.

Fleury has been through enough counselling to know there�s a word for someone who acts in this fashion - enabler.

We should all hope that there is a greater awareness of sexual abuse, particularly when it involves children, and that the perpetrators of these acts are dealt with harshly. But if we have to find a poster boy for abuse, we can do better than Theoren Fleury.

A current TSN promo for the upcoming world junior championships spotlights Fleury. A better choice would have been his teammate on the 1988 gold-medal team - Sheldon Kennedy.

# ? Dec 13, 2011 04:25

Hand Knit: Oct 24, 2005; Beer Loses more than a game Sunday ...
We lost our Captain, our Teammate, our Friend Kelly Calabro...
Rest in Peace my friend you will be greatly missed..

Apparently Hickey is currently on Montreal radio (TSN990) to explain himself. Let's see what he has to say in his defence:

quote:

He (Theo Fleury) deserves our sympathy and not our respect

# ? Dec 13, 2011 22:31

purkey: Dec 5, 2003; I hate the 90s

Huh, way to go out of your way to blame the victim Hickey

# ? Dec 13, 2011 22:35

Twin Cinema: Jun 1, 2006; Playoffs are no big deal,
don't have a crap attack.

Here is his response to the criticism:

http://www.montrealgazette.com/been+accused+blaming+victim+Hickey/5853758/story.html posted:

When I weighed in on the latest developments in the Graham James sexual-abuse case in Tuesday�s paper in a column under the headline �Fleury is no poster boy for fighting abuse�, I expected a reaction.

As a columnist, I have opinions � and I don�t expect everyone to agree with me. This was one of those times.

As of Tuesday afternoon, I had received more than 200 emails and countless Twitter messages, and the majority were critical of my views. I have no problem with that, but I do have a problem with what seems to be some misconceptions about what I wrote.

Several dozen people have accused me of being sympathetic to James, but nothing could be further from the truth. I wrote that James shouldn�t have been released on bail last year and � I know I�ll get some of my liberal friends upset at this � I believe they should lock him up and throw away the key.

I have been accused of being insensitive toward victims of abuse. I grew up in New York and attended all-male Catholic schools during the greatest abuse scandal in the history of the church. I know people who were abused, and I�m aware of the physical and emotional pain they endured. I had advances made on me.

I had a football coach who wanted to check to make sure our protective cups fit properly. I wasn�t abused, but that doesn�t make me better or stronger than someone else ... just luckier.

I�ve been accused of blaming the victim, in this case Theoren Fleury. I wrote that I had no problem with Fleury�s decision to hide the abuse he suffered from James. This is not uncommon for victims of sexual abuse, and I suspect the overwhelming majority of James�s victims remain anonymous. But Fleury drew attention to himself when he called a press conference to criticize what is a flawed legal system.

The most troublesome word for most readers was my characterization of Fleury as an enabler in his role as a part owner of the Calgary Hitmen, a junior team co-owned by James and coached by James. Many people have mentioned the complex relationship between abuser and victim, but someone has to feel empathy for the players and parents of the Hitmen who felt they were doing the right thing by putting themselves in the hands of James.

After all, here was a coach who had guided two players to the NHL � Fleury and Sheldon Kennedy, another one of James�s victims � and he had the imprimatur of an NHL superstar. What could go wrong?

On his website Monday night, Fleury called for me to be fired.

On Tuesday, Michael Landsberg asked me if I was willing to appear with Fleury on TSN�s Off The Record.

I agreed. Fleury declined.

You see, Pat Hickey is the better man in this. Fleury wouldn't even engage in an open dialogue!!!

# ? Dec 13, 2011 23:25

KYOON GRIFFEY JR: Apr 12, 2010; Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

hey guys some of my best friends ~~are black~~were abused as kids

edit: i was going to seriously deconstruct his response but i can't do it

# ? Dec 14, 2011 02:49

Giant Tourtiere: Aug 4, 2006; TRICHER
POUR
GAGNER

Ugh. Hickey is such a smug superior douchebag in this column. Sorry, but saying Fleury is partly responsible for Graham James' abuses *is* blaming the victim, no matter how much you have since decided you want to absolve yourself of that.

For those not familiar with 'Off The Record', though, it's a trashy sports talk show where Landsberg encourages the guests to shout at each other for 30 minutes. Hardly a surprise that Fleury wouldn't want to discuss his abuse in that forum.

# ? Dec 14, 2011 16:00

Bizob: Dec 18, 2004; Tiger out of nowhere!

Truly, the hardest hitting sports journalist today is SAS's own Mornacle.

# ? Dec 14, 2011 16:50

Badfinger: Dec 16, 2004; Timeouts?!

We'll take care of that.

Bizob posted:

Truly, the hardest hitting sports journalist today is SAS's own Mornacle.

Holy gently caress this is an incredible and incredibly surreal article.

# ? Dec 14, 2011 18:04

isnt that right: Dec 8, 2009

http://thebaseballhaven.wordpress.com/2011/12/17/right-in-the-ace/

this dude posted:

With that being said, this deal was an absolute fleecing by new Padres GM Josh Byrnes, who bent over Walt Jocketty and stole the old man�s decency without any KY Jelly.

this dude posted:

Cincinnati uses the �small-market� card more than Al Sharpton uses the �race� card.

this dude posted:

Well, who are you going to replace him with now? Yonder Alonso may have been a horrible outfielder, we know this from the 24 chances he had to field in 16 games there in 2011. That�s a great use of judgment. That would have been like saying Hitler had good ideas in when he appointed chancellor of Germany in 1933 before seeing what he actually became�ok, so not that drastic but give me a break!

this dude posted:

Who is your closer next year? Nick Masset? Bill Bray? Maybe it could have been the kid who will be 24 next May and posted a 93/28 K/BB and 2.03 ERA over 62 IP last year between Double-A and Triple-A�Brad Boxberger. Young guys can sometimes dominate as closers. Need examples? Neftali Feliz and Craig Kimbrel. BAM!

Boxberger should definitely be the closer next year even though he's never played an inning in the majors? Why? Uh, ever hear of Neftali Feliz and Craig Kimbreal? :smug:

this dude posted:

Unfortunately, the Reds got railroaded in the ace in this deal. Their aces will be sore

I understand this isn't like a mainstream ESPN article or anything, but it is on a MLBlogs Network website and that blows my loving mind.

# ? Dec 17, 2011 21:52

Medical Sword: May 23, 2005; Goghing, Goghing, gone

I like how he allegorizes a trade between baseball teams to rape

# ? Dec 17, 2011 21:56

Okposolypse: Jan 1, 2009; by Debbie Metallica

Medical Sword posted:

I like how he allegorizes a trade between baseball teams to rape

We got a rape joke, black joke, hitler joke, and some lovely stat argument. Its like an amalgamation of lovely Fans With Opinions into a single article. Its not terrible, like there are worse articles with far more stupid arguments, but its the shear amount of poo poo crammed in that is impressive.

# ? Dec 17, 2011 22:09

Deathlove: Feb 20, 2003; Pillbug

wrong threeead

# ? Dec 18, 2011 20:04

stuart scott: Mar 9, 2007

Bill Conlin, noted grizzled old rear end in a top hat, guy who wrote this and this and various other pieces of crap, is resigning and hiring a lawyer because the Inquirer is supposedly about to drop a bombshell about him and child molestation. So there's that.

edit: actually that first one isn't that bad but there are plenty more examples of him being awful

stuart scott fucked around with this message at 20:13 on Dec 20, 2011

# ? Dec 20, 2011 20:10

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

This is karma for loving RBI so much.

# ? Dec 20, 2011 20:20

Redgrendel2001: Sep 1, 2006; you literally think a person saying their NBA team of choice being better than the fucking 76ers is a 'schtick'

a literal thing you think.

stuart scott irl posted:

Bill Conlin, noted grizzled old rear end in a top hat, guy who wrote this and this and various other pieces of crap, is resigning and hiring a lawyer because the Inquirer is supposedly about to drop a bombshell about him and child molestation. So there's that.

edit: actually that first one isn't that bad but there are plenty more examples of him being awful

Bill "If Hitler were alive I'm pretty sure he'd kill all bloggers" Conlin.

# ? Dec 20, 2011 20:31

Rousimar Pauladeen: Feb 27, 2007; I hate the mods I hate the mods I hate the mods! I HATE THE MODS I HATE THE MODS I HATE THE MODS! Hey wait a minute why do the mods hate me I'm contributing to the conversation I HATE THE MODS I HATE THE MODS I HA

stuart scott irl posted:

Bill Conlin, noted grizzled old rear end in a top hat, guy who wrote this and this and various other pieces of crap, is resigning and hiring a lawyer because the Inquirer is supposedly about to drop a bombshell about him and child molestation. So there's that.

edit: actually that first one isn't that bad but there are plenty more examples of him being awful

Bill "Nolan Ryan and Robin Yount aren't first ballot Hall of Famers" Conlin

# ? Dec 20, 2011 20:40

Medical Sword: May 23, 2005; Goghing, Goghing, gone

it comes out that the guy is a child molestor and we're making fun of him for his opinions about baseball and sportswriting

# ? Dec 20, 2011 20:41

Rousimar Pauladeen: Feb 27, 2007; I hate the mods I hate the mods I hate the mods! I HATE THE MODS I HATE THE MODS I HATE THE MODS! Hey wait a minute why do the mods hate me I'm contributing to the conversation I HATE THE MODS I HATE THE MODS I HA

Medical Sword posted:

it comes out that the guy is a child molestor and we're making fun of him for his opinions about baseball and sportswriting

I am withholding my best zingers until he is convicted.

# ? Dec 20, 2011 20:49

Deathlove: Feb 20, 2003; Pillbug

Another Pennsylvania child molester, waiting for the Second Mile link.

# ? Dec 20, 2011 20:51

euphronius: Feb 18, 2009

It has only been alleged, and so far as we know there has not even been and indictment. We havent even read or seen the allegations.

So we are far pace from knowing Conlin is a child molester.

# ? Dec 20, 2011 20:51

Medical Sword: May 23, 2005; Goghing, Goghing, gone

euphronius posted:

It has only been alleged, and so far as we know there has not even been and indictment. We havent even read or seen the allegations.

So we are far pace from knowing Conlin is a child molester.

free Bill Conlin from the tragic injustice of a few judgmental knee-jerk cracks on Something Awful

# ? Dec 20, 2011 21:00

Jota: May 6, 2003; uga-booga uga-booga

Medical Sword posted:

free Bill Conlin from the tragic injustice of a few judgmental knee-jerk cracks on Something Awful

Good take

# ? Dec 20, 2011 21:07

Mr. Funny Pants: Apr 9, 2001

Jota posted:

Good take

RACK HIM.

# ? Dec 20, 2011 21:14

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

If Bill Conlin had herpes you assholes wouldn't find this all so funny :mad:

# ? Dec 20, 2011 21:34

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 08:45

leokitty: Apr 5, 2005; I live. I die. I live again.

euphronius posted:

It has only been alleged, and so far as we know there has not even been and indictment. We havent even read or seen the allegations.

He can't be indicted because of the statute of limitations.

Here's the article http://www.philly.com/philly/news/breaking/20111220_Four_say_Philly_Daily_News_writer_Bill_Conlin_sexually_abused_them_as_children.html

# ? Dec 20, 2011 22:54

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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