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Mnemosyne
Jun 11, 2002

There's no safe way to put a cat in a paper bag!!

Bodnoirbabe posted:

It seems the major factor in your preference is pain. You feel Pitocin is more painful because it's not a guarantee the baby will be out in a set time and lead to a c-section anyhow. I've heard tons of stories where Pitocin will ramp up the pain scale something fierce, but here's my question to you:

If you're worried about pain, why don't you consider an epidural to manage it rather than full on surgery?

It's not really the pain so much as it is the pain for no reason. To greatly simplify the situation, the crappy part of doing things vaginally is the long labor and pain, the crappy part of the C-section is recovering afterwards. I'm more concerned that being induced leads to getting BOTH the crappy labor part AND the crappy post-C-section part. I know if that happened to me, I'd be pretty mad (and I'd have probably lost my confidence in the doctors by the time that they decided that the induction hadn't worked).

I'm going to discuss all the options with my doctor, but haven't had a chance for in-depth discussions yet, since I'm only 13 weeks tomorrow. I honestly don't know if an epidural is going to be an option for me. I had to go in for an emergency D&C a few years back (long story but I had an unwanted pregnancy and got RU486 from a clinic which caused an incomplete miscarriage where I almost bled to death), and the hospital tried to give me an epidural for that but couldn't manage it. They had a bunch of people holding me down while I was flipping out, but they said they were concerned that if I couldn't hold still, that they could end up hitting my spine and paralyzing me. So they ended up giving me general anesthesia. It's pretty embarrassing, but I'm like a wild animal caught in a trap when it comes to medical stuff, even stuff that doesn't really hurt. I had to have a skin biopsy once, so my husband came with me to hold my arms and try to keep me calm, and I ended up biting him. Yeah, I bit my own husband. Not proud.

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zombie duck v2.0
Apr 4, 2006

"Don't forget taking your skin off, because pink works. It's sophisticated and sexy, stands out as springs hottest color."
Mnemosyne, I'm going to go ahead and say it. The pain IS for a reason - your baby. I'm kind of saddened that I would have to point that out to you.

I was induced because I went 10 days overdue. I was zero cm dilated when I started, and I got several doses of cervidil and I got myself up to 3cm after 48 hours. I was brought into the hospital and was put on pitocin to get my contractions going (I was having contractions prior to admission, but they were infrequent and not doing anything other than causing me discomfort). They broke my water, and the pitocin worked a bit and got me up to 5cm. I had asked for a epidural and received one at about 5cm when I thought I was still going to dilate more. Due to an unknown factor (my pelvis is incredibly tilted and narrow making it near impossible for me to give birth successfully vaginally), and other factors such as increased BP, low amniotic fluids, and dehydration on my end, the doctor's recommended I have a c-section to avoid the baby being put in any further distress. I live in Canada, and the hospital we deliver at is a specific woman's and children's hospital, and they avoid c-section at all costs.

I was awake for my entire c-section. We don't get an anesthetic to knock you out. You get an epidural and another drug (the name escapes me at the moment) to basically put a local freezing from chest level down to the feet. This drug also has some side effects that are incredibly awful. It caused me to shake as if I was having a seizure for over an hour. Being awake for the entire c-section shaking that badly was HORRIBLE. It terrified me, and it resulted me not really appreciating the birth of my daughter. My c-section, overall, was very unremarkable. I healed well and quickly, but it was terrible to not be able to laugh or move, or do those types of things without severe pain. Not to mention you are taking pain medications that make you drowsy, and when taking care of a newborn at the same time, that's really loving difficult. Oh, and 9 months later, I still can't feel my abdomen and I don't know when I'll get the feeling back.

So, c-section seriously should be a last resort, and people are INSANE for opting for one, except for a medically valid reason. Period.

hepscat
Jan 16, 2005

Avenging Nun
You have time, I'd seriously discuss your aversion to medical procedures with your OB and possibly seek therapy for this specific event, or hypnosis, something. That sounds pretty severe.

Mnemosyne
Jun 11, 2002

There's no safe way to put a cat in a paper bag!!

hepscat posted:

You have time, I'd seriously discuss your aversion to medical procedures with your OB and possibly seek therapy for this specific event, or hypnosis, something. That sounds pretty severe.

I did already post that I've had years of therapy and hypnosis for this. This is about as good as it gets. Usually some Xanax helps, but obviously that's not going to happen when I'm pregnant.

EDIT: Previously it was bad enough that I would avoid getting medical treatment or going to the doctor. So really, this is progress.
EDIT2: This is also representative of times when things went really poorly. Nowadays I can sometimes even get blood drawn without incident, but it depends on a lot of things, like how informed I was ahead of time of exactly what was going to happen and how mentally prepared I was for it. It is pretty ridiculous how proud of myself I've gotten over getting my blood drawn without my husband there to help calm me down.

zombie duck v2.0 posted:

Mnemosyne, I'm going to go ahead and say it. The pain IS for a reason - your baby. I'm kind of saddened that I would have to point that out to you.
Yes, it's for a reason IF it leads to a successful delivery. If it just leads to you having a C-section anyway, then it was kind of pointless.

Mnemosyne fucked around with this message at 04:23 on Dec 21, 2011

VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog

zombie duck v2.0 posted:

Mnemosyne, I'm going to go ahead and say it. The pain IS for a reason - your baby. I'm kind of saddened that I would have to point that out to you.

I had 24 hours of pointless pain at my induction. I was given Cervidil for 12 hours and Pitocin for 12 hours, and my baby never moved down and my cervix never softened. I was forcing my body into a labor that my baby wanted no part of.

Sometimes a vaginal birth just isn't in the cards. There is no need to try and make anyone feel bad about it!

zombie duck v2.0
Apr 4, 2006

"Don't forget taking your skin off, because pink works. It's sophisticated and sexy, stands out as springs hottest color."
Okay, let me clarify something. Clearly, I had what you would consider "pointless" pain during my induction, since it ended in a c-section. The point is, if you don't induce, and just opt for the c-section, how would you ever know if it was "pointless"? What if you could have had a regular ol' vaginal delivery? You wouldn't. The pain I went through sucked at the time, and but I did it, and at the end of the day, I don't really remember, or care for that matter, the pain I went through. The end result was baby, and that's all that matters. 12-24 hours of pain is a small price to pay, even if it was "pointless". At least you tried to avoid a major surgery.

I am not trying to make anybody feel bad about anything, but at least do research and talk to your OB/physician before deciding that an induction is a complete waste of time. Because, sometimes (probably more than any of us realize) it isn't.

hepscat
Jan 16, 2005

Avenging Nun
Yeah Mnemosyne, I did read that but I meant specifically about childbirth. I had a longer post but I didn't want to go on excessively about it and increase anyone's anxiety. Nowadays, unless you are having a homebirth, you will probably be in a hospital, and the process of having a baby is long and you're going to be surrounded by multiple nurses and doctors. Again, not trying to make you unnecessarily anxious, but I would compare getting blood drawn on par with walking around the block for exercise whereas giving birth is more like running a 5K in a best-case scenario, and a full marathon if there are any complications.

Maybe a homebirth is right for you, I don't know. In that case, it won't happen unless you arrange it. You might find a birthing center and be seen by midwives instead of an OB. You have time to look into your options, that's what I was trying to point out.

And you'll be fine - after all, it's only one day in the life of you and your baby. The important point is to get through it and onto the childrearing.

Mnemosyne
Jun 11, 2002

There's no safe way to put a cat in a paper bag!!

hepscat posted:

Yeah Mnemosyne, I did read that but I meant specifically about childbirth. I had a longer post but I didn't want to go on excessively about it and increase anyone's anxiety. Nowadays, unless you are having a homebirth, you will probably be in a hospital, and the process of having a baby is long and you're going to be surrounded by multiple nurses and doctors. Again, not trying to make you unnecessarily anxious, but I would compare getting blood drawn on par with walking around the block for exercise whereas giving birth is more like running a 5K in a best-case scenario, and a full marathon if there are any complications.

Maybe a homebirth is right for you, I don't know. In that case, it won't happen unless you arrange it. You might find a birthing center and be seen by midwives instead of an OB. You have time to look into your options, that's what I was trying to point out.

And you'll be fine - after all, it's only one day in the life of you and your baby. The important point is to get through it and onto the childrearing.


Honestly, this is something that I was really thinking about. I have a specific psychologist that did the hypnosis, and though I don't see him anymore, I was wondering if maybe my husband and I could come in together so that he could possibly teach my husband some hypnosis tricks to use on me for this situation. I know it's not his usual thing, but it can't hurt.

I did also get some Hypnobabies to try out, but haven't listened to it yet.

Kubricize
Apr 29, 2010
If you are really that freaked out by hospitals and medical poo poo and plan on keeping/having this baby, you may want to look into a midwife/home birth instead of planning a c-section at 13 weeks. You will still have to go to exams and what not, but the care between a obgyn and a midwife is loads different and I think a midwife would be better in your particular case. Unless you live in the states or something and insurance is a problem. Having the baby at home will ease your anxiety and you will be in charge of whatever happens to you.

One of the mothers in my mom and tots group sounds a lot like you, she freaked the gently caress out during delivery because of a previous bad experience with a dentist pulling a tooth when she was 12. They needed orderlies to hold her down for basic poo poo like monitering the baby's heart rate, which they normally do EVERY 15 minutes. It ended up with her strapped to the table, sedated, she had her baby by c-section and was put under psychiatric watch for 72 hours because she was deemed a hazard to herself and others. She didn't get to see or hold her baby boy for four days. If you are indeed as bad as you say you are, even with therapy, a hospital birth may put you in the same situation. She ended up with PPD after and it's only now 18 months after that she is recovering.

I switched from an OBGYN to a midwife when I was 28 weeks and after I did, I was honestly able to enjoy the last few weeks or my pregnancy, even with terrible morning sickness. I had a homebirth, for the 24 hours I laboured, I wandered around my house, talking to my husband/family, ate frozen grapes and had three hour long hot showers for my lower back pain (FYI for anyone with back labour, warm water feels better than an orgasm). I felt safe and secure and was able to focus on what was happening to my body as it went through the different transitions, not on whether or not the next person who came into my room thought by hour 12 I should get ready for surgery.

Exelsior
Aug 4, 2007
e: thinking about it that was way too bitchy.

Mnemosyne, please remember that your mental health throughout your pregnancy and in the newborn days is extremely important.

Exelsior fucked around with this message at 13:19 on Dec 21, 2011

SEX BURRITO
Jun 30, 2007

Not much fun
The C section posts are making me pretty miserable, as I am tempted to plan for one myself.

I have severe SPD. I have trouble walking and can only open my legs a few inches before the pain sets in. Although SPD on it's own isn't a reason for a C section, I found out at the 28 week scan that my baby is in the 90th percentile for all measurements. It may be due to hypoglycemia, but my blood results were messed up and I'm having to wait for them to be redone or to be called in for another GTT. Plus all the babies in my family seem to have been giant 9lb+ monsters, so the chances of me having a large baby are high.

As much as I'd LOVE to have a waterbirth and minimal drugs, the whole thing is petrifying. I have heard so many horror stories of women with SPD being left permanently injured because of doctors having to resort to forceps and stirrups. I absolutely hate the thought of surgery, but feel like I'd have more control over things. My husband has a month of paternity leave after I give birth, so I would have support for the really bad days of recovery.

The trouble is; I would feel a massive amount of guilt for 'choosing' to have a C section. Would I feel the same bond with the baby afterwards? Would recovery stop me from being a good parent? Am I putting myself at a massive risk of infection or permanent damage? I'm finding this decision so hard.

opie
Nov 28, 2000
Check out my TFLC Excuse Log!

netally posted:

The trouble is; I would feel a massive amount of guilt for 'choosing' to have a C section. Would I feel the same bond with the baby afterwards? Would recovery stop me from being a good parent? Am I putting myself at a massive risk of infection or permanent damage? I'm finding this decision so hard.
There is a huge backlash against c-sections these days (and I understand why). After my first, I felt terrible and thought it made me a terrible mother and all that, even though it was an "emergency." I bonded with and took care of the baby just fine, and healed up just fine. My pain meds were extra strength ibuprofen, and once I got home I didn't need them that much. To be honest, the pain from tearing in my attempt to have the baby naturally was worse than the incision pain at first.

I scheduled the second for convenience, because I didn't want to attempt a vbac and go through all the misery of the first birth, and still end up with a c-section anyway. It was just so much more relaxed, and I didn't have any guilt afterwards because I made up my mind ahead of time to do it.

The first time, I spent most of my time at home feeding the baby, so there was plenty of bonding time and not really any issues with recovery. The second was the same, since my husband took care of the toddler. I think I did and am doing an awesome job as a mother. Both my girls are/were very happy and healthy babies, so the c-section birth didn't traumatize them or anything.

I'm not saying everyone should go out and have a c-section, and I wish I could've avoided it the first time around, but they happen and they're not the end of the world. People view giving birth in different ways, from the painful, disgusting thing you have to do to end up with a baby (me), to a sacred event to be treasured and remembered (not me). I don't think either view is right or wrong, nor does it indicate what kind of mother you'll be.

opie fucked around with this message at 16:52 on Dec 21, 2011

yawnie
Jul 29, 2003
lollerz.

netally posted:

The C section posts are making me pretty miserable, as I am tempted to plan for one myself.

I have severe SPD. I have trouble walking and can only open my legs a few inches before the pain sets in. Although SPD on it's own isn't a reason for a C section, I found out at the 28 week scan that my baby is in the 90th percentile for all measurements. It may be due to hypoglycemia, but my blood results were messed up and I'm having to wait for them to be redone or to be called in for another GTT. Plus all the babies in my family seem to have been giant 9lb+ monsters, so the chances of me having a large baby are high.

I normally hate "well I did x and was fine!" posts, but just in case it helps you feel less freaked about the whole thing, I had severe SPD as well and I birthed a 9+lber with no complications - My ultrasound at 39wks was measuring his head as being in like the 95th percentile and I was petrified. My SPD lasted about a week after the delivery and then went away completely.

me your dad
Jul 25, 2006

Our baby is 8 days old now and both my wife and I are utterly miserable. We're both having crying jags on a near-daily basis and I feel very hopeless that things are going to get better. I feel a huge loss from the freedom we enjoyed before, even if that freedom meant just quietly relaxing at home. Somehow I don't resent the baby but I am worried we made a huge mistake in deciding on doing this. Our lives were great and now I feel like everything is ruined. I feel like I'm grieving.

I also feel like we're on house arrest because we don't want the baby to get sick before the six week mark. So we're trapped in our house, which suddenly seems too small, and our car suddenly seems too small, and I'm having trouble coping with everything.

People say, "Get out of the house - let your spouse get out of the house." My wife told me today to go have a beer with a friend but I'm afraid to leave my wife alone because I'll probably feel guilty about burdening her with the baby. And we can't go out together because we're waiting for that six week period to pass. And she can't go out by herself because the doctor told her not to drive because she's recovering from a C-Section and on Percoset.

I just don't know how this is going to get better. We went to the pediatrician today, and I let her know we were having a lot of trouble coping. I started crying in the office and she recommended I speak to a doctor. But I'm worried it would be a fix for something which might resolve itself in a couple weeks when I hopefully adjust to this change.

I took her upstairs a moment ago to change her and I couldn't stop thinking, "What the gently caress were we thinking? What the gently caress were we thinking? How the gently caress could we have thought this was a good idea?"

I hate it that I feel this way. I really expected this to feel different.

Chickalicious
Apr 13, 2005

We are the ones we've been waiting for.

me your dad posted:

Our baby is 8 days old now and both my wife and I are utterly miserable. We're both having crying jags on a near-daily basis and I feel very hopeless that things are going to get better. I feel a huge loss from the freedom we enjoyed before, even if that freedom meant just quietly relaxing at home. Somehow I don't resent the baby but I am worried we made a huge mistake in deciding on doing this. Our lives were great and now I feel like everything is ruined. I feel like I'm grieving.

I also feel like we're on house arrest because we don't want the baby to get sick before the six week mark. So we're trapped in our house, which suddenly seems too small, and our car suddenly seems too small, and I'm having trouble coping with everything.

People say, "Get out of the house - let your spouse get out of the house." My wife told me today to go have a beer with a friend but I'm afraid to leave my wife alone because I'll probably feel guilty about burdening her with the baby. And we can't go out together because we're waiting for that six week period to pass. And she can't go out by herself because the doctor told her not to drive because she's recovering from a C-Section and on Percoset.

I just don't know how this is going to get better. We went to the pediatrician today, and I let her know we were having a lot of trouble coping. I started crying in the office and she recommended I speak to a doctor. But I'm worried it would be a fix for something which might resolve itself in a couple weeks when I hopefully adjust to this change.

I took her upstairs a moment ago to change her and I couldn't stop thinking, "What the gently caress were we thinking? What the gently caress were we thinking? How the gently caress could we have thought this was a good idea?"

I hate it that I feel this way. I really expected this to feel different.

Why are you waiting to leave the house for 6 weeks? Is your baby medically fragile due to complications or something? My husband was home with me for 5 weeks post-partum, and we went somewhere every day. A trip to Target, a doctor's appointment, a local parade, you name it, we were looking for ways to get out. We would have gone mad if we just stayed in the house looking at each other for a month.

ETA: There's no shame in getting help from your doctor. Waiting a few weeks to see if it's better seems like a recipe for disaster. Two weeks is a LONG time in the newborn period. Maybe the doctor will give you some meds to help you through this time. It's not a failure on your part unless you choose not to get treatment to the detriment of your relationship and child.

Chickalicious fucked around with this message at 20:43 on Dec 21, 2011

dreamcatcherkwe
Apr 14, 2005
Dreamcatcher
I agree with Chickalicious. Get out of the house! Seriously your baby might get sick but it is extremely unlikely to be a serious illness. You're way overthinking things. In the newborn stage, a lot of life is about changing diapers and feeding and dealing with a sleepy baby, but our lives didn't change 100%. We still went out to dinner. The baby came with us. We still went to movies. The baby came with us. Life goes on.

me your dad
Jul 25, 2006

Chickalicious posted:

Why are you waiting to leave the house for 6 weeks? Is your baby medically fragile due to complications or something? My husband was home with me for 5 weeks post-partum, and we went somewhere every day. A trip to Target, a doctor's appointment, a local parade, you name, we were looking for ways to get out. We would have gone mad if we just stayed in the house looking at each other for a month.

No the baby is totally healthy. It's just been drilled into our heads that if we step outside and this baby catches any kind of illness, it'll mean an instant trip to the ER for spinal taps and all other sorts of awful poo poo. We're afraid to visit friends and afraid to go to the store.

It's funny too that you mention Target because our doctor today said we should avoid places like Target where tons of people are. My wife wants to go to a local baby clothes store and we were talking about how she could run in and I would wait in the car with the baby.

dreamcatcherkwe
Apr 14, 2005
Dreamcatcher

me your dad posted:

No the baby is totally healthy. It's just been drilled into our heads that if we step outside and this baby catches any kind of illness, it'll mean an instant trip to the ER for spinal taps and all other sorts of awful poo poo. We're afraid to visit friends and afraid to go to the store.

It's funny too that you mention Target because our doctor today said we should avoid places like Target where tons of people are. My wife wants to go to a local baby clothes store and we were talking about how she could run in and I would wait in the car with the baby.

Your doctor sounds really weird. I took my newborn to babies r us for a boppy when he was a day old. I took my second newborn to the mall when he was a week old. We had family and friends over the day after I had my third newborn. None of them got sick. Avoiding the world is really crazymaking. Just do normal good hygiene things like wash your hands a lot.

Cage Kicker
Feb 20, 2009

End of the fiscal year, bitch.
MP's got time to order pens for year year, hooah?


SKILCRAFT KREW Reppin' Quality Blind Made



Lipstick Apathy

me your dad posted:

No the baby is totally healthy. It's just been drilled into our heads that if we step outside and this baby catches any kind of illness, it'll mean an instant trip to the ER for spinal taps and all other sorts of awful poo poo. We're afraid to visit friends and afraid to go to the store.

It's funny too that you mention Target because our doctor today said we should avoid places like Target where tons of people are. My wife wants to go to a local baby clothes store and we were talking about how she could run in and I would wait in the car with the baby.

Don't worry about going out places, or even bringing the little one with you! Just make sure he/she is warm and covered, and if you know anyone that's sick just don't let them around. You aren't going to break baby! As far as the 'free time' thing goes, it does get better.

Chickalicious
Apr 13, 2005

We are the ones we've been waiting for.

me your dad posted:

No the baby is totally healthy. It's just been drilled into our heads that if we step outside and this baby catches any kind of illness, it'll mean an instant trip to the ER for spinal taps and all other sorts of awful poo poo. We're afraid to visit friends and afraid to go to the store.

It's funny too that you mention Target because our doctor today said we should avoid places like Target where tons of people are. My wife wants to go to a local baby clothes store and we were talking about how she could run in and I would wait in the car with the baby.

That seems extreme. It's not like you'll be passing him around to strangers or he's big enough to lick a shopping cart. Babywear or swat at old ladies' hands if he's in the stroller and they try to touch him.

FretforyourLatte
Sep 16, 2010

Put you in my oven!
I've never heard of having to stay cooped up in the house for six weeks afterwards. What is supposed to happen at six weeks, will she magically be immune to whatever you're afraid of now? Honestly going out with a newborn is easier sometimes than going out with an older child, typically they just sleep through the entire excursion and never know they left the house. Car rides are like roofies to babies. As far as germs, just wash your hands regularly or take some sanitizer if you're worried. If your wife got a flu shot while pregnant (which she most likely did), that offers some protection to the baby even after birth. Seriously, it will be OK, get out of the house before you go insane. There's no reason to cut yourselves off from life. No wonder you feel so bad.

Tatiana
Jan 29, 2001
Forum Veteran
When my daughter was little we used to walk to the mall every day and just walk around, maybe have a drink at the food court. We made a daily walk mandatory. We used to go to movies during the day because my daughter just slept the whole time, and one of us would take her out if she started stirring.
If you're worried about getting her sick, make sure that no one (including you) touches her without washing hands. If anyone gives you poo poo, just say that it's doctor's orders.

Have you tried babywearing her? For a lot of fussy kids, babywearing can make a huge difference. This is what we used when my daughter was new: http://store.bobafamily.com/baby-wrap

It's really easy to use and very soothing.

me your dad
Jul 25, 2006

Thank you all. It's reassuring to know we won't wind up in the ER by opening our front door.

Being trapped in the house is a big part of the frustration we are feeling. My wife is on the phone right now with a friend, but once she's done with the conversation I'm going to relay what I've been told here so maybe we can get out and enjoy some time out of the house.

VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog
I was never told to avoid "strenuous" things like carrying my kid or driving a car, so after I healed from my C-section less than a week after being home, we were out and about with the kid every day. I constantly put my kid in the hands of others as long as they were healthy, and we even flew to another state with him at 4-weeks old.

Even if it's just a walk around the block, you seriously need to get out of the house. We have done everything we can to get this kid used to restaurants, malls, traveling, strangers, etc., and he is good in nearly every situation.

It's true that parenthood is a huge adjustment, and for some people it's not all it's cracked up to be, but I hope you can find the joy in it and that things get better for you both.

hepscat
Jan 16, 2005

Avenging Nun
I have this wonderful memory of taking my tiny newborn to the beach and just sitting in a shady spot and watching the ocean while she slept in a sling. It was 30 minutes tops but it did wonders for my peace of mind. (She was born in May in Santa Barbara, sorry that's probably not possible if you're in the northern hemisphere.)

If you want to avoid crowds, drive to a park and bundle up. If you're in a snowy area, stroll around a mall or maybe somewhere like an aquarium.

It gets easier as the baby gets older and can sleep a little longer at a time, just hang in there kitten.

Lyz
May 22, 2007

I AM A GIRL ON WOW GIVE ME ITAMS
I was told to not go to many public places for the first two weeks, but we were driven out of the house at 5 days old by a power outage and a 49 degree house, and our kiddo never fared badly for it. Just don't let random strangers touch your kid and he should be fine.

Eponymous Bosch
Aug 11, 2010

hepscat posted:

I have this wonderful memory of taking my tiny newborn to the beach and just sitting in a shady spot and watching the ocean while she slept in a sling. It was 30 minutes tops but it did wonders for my peace of mind. (She was born in May in Santa Barbara, sorry that's probably not possible if you're in the northern hemisphere.)


Unrelated to going out of the house with a baby (GET OUT BEFORE YOU KILL YOURSELF OR YOUR KID, SERIOUSLY) but hepscat! Did you deliver in the Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital? I volunteered a bunch in the Mother/Infant Unit there and probably helped you if it was in May! I miss that volunteership so much. Had to move to Philadelphia for school.

I miss Santa Barbara so much too...

Mnemosyne
Jun 11, 2002

There's no safe way to put a cat in a paper bag!!

me your dad posted:

No the baby is totally healthy. It's just been drilled into our heads that if we step outside and this baby catches any kind of illness, it'll mean an instant trip to the ER for spinal taps and all other sorts of awful poo poo. We're afraid to visit friends and afraid to go to the store.

It's funny too that you mention Target because our doctor today said we should avoid places like Target where tons of people are. My wife wants to go to a local baby clothes store and we were talking about how she could run in and I would wait in the car with the baby.

Do either of your parents or close family live within driving distance? You can go visit a family member, which limits the amount of germ exposure since you're at someone's house with just a few people present rather than having to worry about the germs that 5,000 people have just left all over the mall/Target.
As an added bonus, if you go to family member's houses, they will probably offer to do a few baby tasks for your while you're there (holding, feeding, maybe even a diaper change if they're really generous) which can give you just a couple of minutes of baby-free time to catch your breath.

Low Percent Lunge
Jan 29, 2007



Sarsaparilla posted:

My midwife hasn't even told me what 'size' my baby is measuring. She just keeps saying "Yep, normal!" "Everything is where it should be!" I've only gained about 12 pounds and I'm at 36 weeks now so I can't help but wonder if the baby is small? I haven't had an ultrasound since 18weeks for the quad testing.
My wife gained 15 pounds over the 41 weeks and our daughter was 7lb 11oz.

Our daughter is just over 3 weeks old and my wife is now almost 5lb lighter than she was when she fell pregnant.

dreamcatcherkwe posted:

Your doctor sounds really weird. I took my newborn to babies r us for a boppy when he was a day old. I took my second newborn to the mall when he was a week old. We had family and friends over the day after I had my third newborn. None of them got sick. Avoiding the world is really crazymaking. Just do normal good hygiene things like wash your hands a lot.
Ugh I agree completely. We went out to lunch straight from the hospital 24hrs after our daughter was born and then did some shopping (unseasonably cold summer here, no small warm clothes!).

One friend said she didn't leave the house for 3 months after a regular birth! A couple in our prenatal class asked when it was safe to leave the house and the midwife was incredulous at the notion of staying at home.

hepscat
Jan 16, 2005

Avenging Nun

Eponymous Bosch posted:

Unrelated to going out of the house with a baby (GET OUT BEFORE YOU KILL YOURSELF OR YOUR KID, SERIOUSLY) but hepscat! Did you deliver in the Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital? I volunteered a bunch in the Mother/Infant Unit there and probably helped you if it was in May! I miss that volunteership so much. Had to move to Philadelphia for school.

I miss Santa Barbara so much too...

I miss it too - that was my first kid all the way back in 2000, so not likely. But talk about a wonderful place to live. The bike path was right behind our house in Goleta and you could ride to the beach without ever going on a street with cars. *sigh*

I had a co-worker who went full germophobe after having her kid and she made her husband strip and hose off in the back yard every day when he came home from work before he could come in the house. That kid did not leave the house for the first three months - and he did get a cold during that time, go figure.

Absolute Evil
Aug 25, 2008

Don't mess with Mister Creazil!
After my second child (2nd c-section as well), I was in the hospital for 4 days. The day I was released, I stopped at the gas station (with my son) for a fountain soda. I also went to the local bookstore because I had a feeling that I'd have a lot of time to read..like while nursing. We hit the mall when my son was a week. I was so thrilled to not be carrying a heavy human inside of me, I really enjoyed getting out. Walking helped me relax and it actually reminded me I needed to stand up straight (like many, I sort of walked hunched over because I was afraid my scar would re-open) and I honestly believe it helped me heal, mentally and physically.

Even if it's just a library or coffee shop, returning to the general public can go so far towards making everyone feel better.

Beichan
Feb 17, 2007

pugs, pugs everywhere

me your dad posted:

Our baby is 8 days old now and both my wife and I are utterly miserable. We're both having crying jags on a near-daily basis and I feel very hopeless that things are going to get better. I feel a huge loss from the freedom we enjoyed before, even if that freedom meant just quietly relaxing at home. Somehow I don't resent the baby but I am worried we made a huge mistake in deciding on doing this. Our lives were great and now I feel like everything is ruined. I feel like I'm grieving.

I also feel like we're on house arrest because we don't want the baby to get sick before the six week mark. So we're trapped in our house, which suddenly seems too small, and our car suddenly seems too small, and I'm having trouble coping with everything.

People say, "Get out of the house - let your spouse get out of the house." My wife told me today to go have a beer with a friend but I'm afraid to leave my wife alone because I'll probably feel guilty about burdening her with the baby. And we can't go out together because we're waiting for that six week period to pass. And she can't go out by herself because the doctor told her not to drive because she's recovering from a C-Section and on Percoset.

I just don't know how this is going to get better. We went to the pediatrician today, and I let her know we were having a lot of trouble coping. I started crying in the office and she recommended I speak to a doctor. But I'm worried it would be a fix for something which might resolve itself in a couple weeks when I hopefully adjust to this change.

I took her upstairs a moment ago to change her and I couldn't stop thinking, "What the gently caress were we thinking? What the gently caress were we thinking? How the gently caress could we have thought this was a good idea?"

I hate it that I feel this way. I really expected this to feel different.

Do please talk to your doctor. Both mother and father can get post-partum depression and the crying spells and feelings of hopelessness you describe are really worrying. Don't wait it out, there is absolutely no need to make yourself go through any more of this than you already have. The sooner you feel better the sooner you can start enjoying your baby! Your life is not ruined. Absolutely work on ways you can get out of the house and enjoy things you've always enjoyed but it really sounds to me like you both need to talk to someone.

Oracle
Oct 9, 2004

me your dad posted:

Our baby is 8 days old now and both my wife and I are utterly miserable. We're both having crying jags on a near-daily basis and I feel very hopeless that things are going to get better. I feel a huge loss from the freedom we enjoyed before, even if that freedom meant just quietly relaxing at home. Somehow I don't resent the baby but I am worried we made a huge mistake in deciding on doing this. Our lives were great and now I feel like everything is ruined. I feel like I'm grieving.

You are grieving, and that's ok. Your life has just been turned completely upside down, and sleep deprivation on top of it would make anyone cry. That doesn't even go into the hormones your wife's experiencing. In like a 30 minute stretch, I cried because I couldn't take my first back to the hopsital, then cried because someday he was going to grow up, go to college and leave me. That poo poo is whack; do not discount its influence on her (and by proxy, your) emotions.

quote:

I also feel like we're on house arrest because we don't want the baby to get sick before the six week mark. So we're trapped in our house, which suddenly seems too small, and our car suddenly seems too small, and I'm having trouble coping with everything.

You are a lunatic, and whoever told you this is an utter quack/germophobe. I went to a goddamn barbeque with my first at like six days old and played 'pass the hat' with him with around 40 people. He was fine, I was fine, everyone was fine. Granted this was in July, but seriously, if newborns were that goddamn susceptible noone would've ever survived the Black Plague.

quote:

People say, "Get out of the house - let your spouse get out of the house." My wife told me today to go have a beer with a friend but I'm afraid to leave my wife alone because I'll probably feel guilty about burdening her with the baby. And we can't go out together because we're waiting for that six week period to pass. And she can't go out by herself because the doctor told her not to drive because she's recovering from a C-Section and on Percoset.

She can go take a drat walk around the neighborhood, assuming you don't live in a warzone/weird suburb without sidewalks. Hell you can even take the baby with you, properly bundled for the weather. Fresh air's good for them and will do wonders for you. You so don't have to be under house arrest; christ I'd have killed myself if I was expected not to leave the house for six weeks. I hit Target on day four or something.

quote:

I just don't know how this is going to get better. We went to the pediatrician today, and I let her know we were having a lot of trouble coping. I started crying in the office and she recommended I speak to a doctor. But I'm worried it would be a fix for something which might resolve itself in a couple weeks when I hopefully adjust to this change.

It'll resolve itself when you realize you have a perfectly healthy baby with a working immune system and stop acting like she's been diagnosed with 'boy in the bubble' syndrome and go out and live a little. Just because you're in public doesn't mean you have to let every Tom Dick and Harry touch her/cough on her whatever. Seriously. Get. Out. Of. The. House.

quote:

I took her upstairs a moment ago to change her and I couldn't stop thinking, "What the gently caress were we thinking? What the gently caress were we thinking? How the gently caress could we have thought this was a good idea?"

Again, you are not the first parents to have these thoughts (and worse), nor will you be the last. If you get to the point where you want to hurt the baby or hurt yourself, start worrying. Yes, 'wanting to die' counts. Otherwise you are just a new parent, and this too shall pass, and probably a lot faster once you realize you can still have a social life.

I'm seriously curious where this six week thing came from; I know my Thai mother in law told me that they believed you should stay in bed for a month after the baby was born and not even WASH YOUR HAIR (wtf) but even she wouldn't have gone for that craziness.

yawnie
Jul 29, 2003
lollerz.
I've heard of the six week thing (or variations) and though it seems a little outdated or overcautious, I don't think it's completely insane to want to limit a newborn's exposure to large crowds of people. My pediatrician has erred on the side of caution, for example, when we asked about taking our week old baby to do the rounds at families houses on Thanksgiving - Based on his recommendation and our own sense of what was right, we just stayed home and had a handful of people come visit him. We've popped into Target or the book store or gone to visit family a few times, but my son is just now turning six weeks and we've spent the majority of our time inside. I don't think it's unreasonable to worry about a baby's health especially during cold/flu season.

That being said, I would much rather risk exposure than have a parent who's going absolutely stir-crazy or feeling like they can't cope with the solitude - So by all means, if it will help you to deal, GTFO of the house.

The Young Marge
Jul 19, 2006

but no one can talk to a horse, of course.
Aw, I feel so bad for you guys, me your dad. Our kid just turned 6 weeks old, and it's gotten a lot better. We're still fumbling our way through this baby care thing, obviously, but to me it seems like those really early days went by fast. Hopefully as as little more time passes, you'll find it more rewarding. We've entered the smiling and cooing zone, and I am here to tell you that it is absolutely delightful.

Relaxing at home should still be able to happen. Movies, shows and games can all be paused to change a diaper or get the baby fed. I've gotten good at holding an XBox controller and the baby at the same time. A Nook is good for one-handed reading while you're rocking the baby. There's still plenty of stuff you can do at home.

As far as going out, gently caress a waiting period - I would have gone totally crazy if I'd had to stay in the house this whole time. Even going to doctor's appointments (and there have been plenty) has been almost nice! Hooray, an opportunity to wear clothes! We also did Thanksgiving and two parties, and have had lots of friends and family over. We're planning our first dinner out soon (easy mode - just a pizza place).



OK, I wanted to put out a PSA to first time mothers - RESEARCH BREASTFEEDING. It doesn't always come as easily as it's made out to. Read everything you can, take a class, whatever. Videos are very helpful. For some reason that was the one thing I slacked on when it came to preparation, and I've had a hell of a time as a result. I was so focused on preparing for the birth, and thought we'd just flow into breastfeeding, and that hasn't turned out to be the case at all. While you're recovering immediately after having the baby and have the availability of nurses, midwives and lactation consultants, get as much help and information as you can.

Fire In The Disco
Oct 4, 2007
I cannot change the gender of my unborn child and shouldn't waste my time or energy pretending he won't exist
No national recall at this point, but just thought I'd share this in case anyone who buys Enfamil wants to check their lot number:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/busin...fJAP_story.html

Cross posting in the other thread.

FretforyourLatte
Sep 16, 2010

Put you in my oven!
One more thing to add re: getting out of the house with a newborn: The idea of it will never cease being terrifying until you just go do it a few times. The first time I drove with the baby I was going like 15mph the whole way. Like everything else at this new stage of your life, it's an adjustment. You just have to jump in and do it and after you have a couple successful outings where nobody winds up in the ER, you will start to relax, and you'll find that you can still do the vast majority of things you did before, just slightly modified. Your life isn't over, you just need to learn to go about it in new ways, as someone said a bit ago, you need to find your "new normal". IT WILL GET BETTER, but not if you hole yourselves up in the house and refuse any type of leisure because you feel like you're abandoning your duties. You can still have fun, I promise!

me your dad
Jul 25, 2006

Thanks all for the advice. It's been incredibly helpful! We're about to head into town to go a park near the river and have lunch. It's sunny and near 60 degrees in our area, which is unseasonably warm, so we're taking advantage of it.

And talk about crazy mood swings! Yesterday my wife came home from talking to our neighbor, who has a six month old at home. After her talk she came home and said to me, "Let's turn over a new leaf". It sparked something in me, and I realized we've been mourning our past lives when we should be celebrating what we now have. I spent the last eight days ignoring our new life, and missing out on the first week of our daughter's life. That's awful, and I'm not going to let it continue.

Yes, some nights have been lovely due to lack of sleep. Yes, we're going to have to take a break from some of the things we once enjoyed. But sleep will return, and so will the activities we are now suspending while we can make sure our new daughter's introduction into the world is one with love, and not loss. And once those activities do return, it will be a lot of fun to share these things with our new girl.

Bodnoirbabe
Apr 30, 2007

me your dad posted:

Thanks all for the advice. It's been incredibly helpful! We're about to head into town to go a park near the river and have lunch. It's sunny and near 60 degrees in our area, which is unseasonably warm, so we're taking advantage of it.

And talk about crazy mood swings! Yesterday my wife came home from talking to our neighbor, who has a six month old at home. After her talk she came home and said to me, "Let's turn over a new leaf". It sparked something in me, and I realized we've been mourning our past lives when we should be celebrating what we now have. I spent the last eight days ignoring our new life, and missing out on the first week of our daughter's life. That's awful, and I'm not going to let it continue.

Yes, some nights have been lovely due to lack of sleep. Yes, we're going to have to take a break from some of the things we once enjoyed. But sleep will return, and so will the activities we are now suspending while we can make sure our new daughter's introduction into the world is one with love, and not loss. And once those activities do return, it will be a lot of fun to share these things with our new girl.

I'm really glad you're looking at this from a better perspective and taking steps to get out of the house, but please, still talk to a licensed professional. You're initial post sounded a lot like post partum depression. That poo poo is not something to be taken lightly. Just want to make sure you're truly going to be okay (which you will be!).

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Prolonged Shame
Sep 5, 2004

I had my baby! Calvin Harper was born at 3:36 PM on Dec 16th. We had a scheduled induction (the horror!) because I'd been having contractions for two weeks with very little progress. I was 40W2D along, 3 cm dilated and 60% effaced, but Calvin was at -3 station. After 22 hours of labor (Pitocin) which wasn't so bad thanks to my epidural, i was 10cm dilated, 100% effaced, and he had only dropped to 0 station. He was head down but facing up and attempts to turn him were unsuccessful. At this point, his heart rate was dropping with every contraction so they mentioned the possibility of c-section. I agreed to it and a few hours later we were in the OR. I had a spinal block and was conscious. It was weird but not painful. When they pulled him out he was 7lbs 15.5 oz, 21 in long, and had a 15 in circumference head. He was also completely entangled in the cord which was why he was unable to drop any further than he did. My doc said that I would have ended up with a c-section no matter what, between the cord issue and the huge head. I'm happy to have a healthy baby, even though recovery is not super fun.

Breastfeeding was tough at first and we supplemented with formula quite a bit but now that my milk has come in it seems to be going well. Everyone you meet has a different 'foolproof' way to do it, but different things work better for different people. We're having sleep issues of course, and all the grandparents are driving us crazy (they want to come over and 'help' by holding the baby for hours on end) but he's super awesome and I love him more than I ever thought possible!

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