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DarkCrawler posted:Derek is freaking hilarious. Sex House would be too close to a real show to be funny without Derek piecing together what's going on  .
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Jul 20, 2012 23:36
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Volume posted:Edit: And the Onion still refuses to accept that it's ever too soon. Props for being quick though. vvv Haha that's better, and I admit I wondered the same thing Eb has a new favorite as of 23:51 on Jul 20, 2012 |
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Jul 20, 2012 23:41
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Yeah, I think the followup short is much better. Some loving Guy At Warner Bros. Wondering What Shooting Of 12 Means For Ticket Sales
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Jul 20, 2012 23:50
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ModernMajorGeneral posted:Oh my god This literally made me cry  My dad is 64...
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Jul 21, 2012 02:02
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This has to be one of my all time favorites. The title alone is just so dark. Sudanese 14-Year-Old Has Midlife Crisis
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Jul 21, 2012 07:10
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This one is my favorite: Chipotle Employee Just Gave Guy In Front Of You More Rice quote:Adding to your frustration are new reports that the customer behind you has received the same amount of rice as the customer ahead of you, thereby confirming your suspicion of wrongdoing. However, if an earlier incident at the coffee shop or yesterday's conversation with your landlord are any indication, you are expected to take this lying down, like you always do.
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Jul 21, 2012 22:56
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PetSmart VP Rolls On Back, Exposes Belly When CEO Enters Room
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Jul 22, 2012 17:38
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I love the little "reader" comments that appear in relation to actual news stories in the sidebar. Microsoft Announces First-Ever Quarterly Loss “What they should do is use their immense size to box their smaller competitors out of the market. Have they tried that?”
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Jul 23, 2012 01:10
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John Jhonson posted:This one is my favorite: I don't like this at all. It is encouraging everyone to complain even more about how they're always shorted ingredients. I get that once in a while you have to say something, but there are people who do this every time for every ingredient. The Onion is on the wrong side of this here important issue.
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Jul 23, 2012 01:28
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Jerusalem posted:I love the little "reader" comments that appear in relation to actual news stories in the sidebar. The thing that finally got to me about the American Voices is that they updated them recently. I don't think I ever caught that before, but the photo for the "old white guy with the handlebar mustache" is a new one, because it's closer shot and he's wearing a gray blazer than a blue one. And the "blue-collar white guy" got upgraded to a business suit. Speaking of which the Teamsters outed "blue-collar white guy" a few years ago, as an UPS delivery driver from when the Onion was still in Madison. That said, I miss "  -looking black businessman".
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Jul 23, 2012 01:30
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Secret Service's Prostitution Scandal Did Not Affect President's Security, White House Adviser Madame Chartreuse Says Any article with Diamond Joe Biden is a gimme.
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Jul 23, 2012 03:20
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Young Freud posted:Speaking of which the Teamsters outed "blue-collar white guy" a few years ago, as an UPS delivery driver from when the Onion was still in Madison. quote:“One week’s question was, ‘What would your do if your son was caught putting graffiti on a wall?’” Harris said. “My response in the paper was, ‘I’d break his arm,’ Well, my kid’s arm was in a cast that week. People thought, ‘He really does what he says in the paper.’” Haha, this is great.
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Jul 23, 2012 06:04
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Jesus Christ Onion  Holy poo poo, I Just Realized People Want To Kill My Dad
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Jul 24, 2012 21:20
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DarkCrawler posted:Jesus Christ Onion Beautiful. They've really been hitting the Penn State scandal hard too: Penn State To Also Remove Statue Of Showering Sandusky Details of Paterno Family's Report (Sportsgraphic)
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Jul 24, 2012 21:56
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 I was listening to Marc Maron's podcast and apparently one of the Onion's top writers recently tried to kill himself. Their stuff really has gotten dark as hell over the past few years.
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Jul 24, 2012 22:42
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They still have a lighter side, though: Uncle Ben's To Compete Against Apple With Brand-New Smartphone
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Jul 24, 2012 22:43
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LARGE THE HEAD posted:Beautiful. And another one: Sandusky Meets Another Inmate With Nickname Tickle Monster
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Jul 25, 2012 21:14
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Short and sweetThe Onion posted:LOS ANGELES—Adult film fans have praised the newly released Batter Splatter 9, calling the 43-minute pornographic DVD accessible even to people who aren't previously acquainted with five guys jerking off on a single set of tits. "There's something in this movie for everyone, whether you already know something about five men of varying ethnicity repeatedly ejaculating upon the breasts of a young woman, or whether you're a first-time viewer," pornography enthusiast Rick Baineman said Thursday, stressing that the film did not contain any overly esoteric references or jargon-filled dialogue familiar only to longtime devotees. "The first two minutes might be a little confusing to the uninitiated, but once the guys start unzipping their jeans and forming a semicircle, you get brought up to speed pretty quickly." Baineman added that while the film can be enjoyed on multiple levels, those already familiar with pulling out at the last second and climaxing on a woman's face might get more out of it.
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Jul 25, 2012 22:44
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New episode of Sex House. http://youtu.be/0CcGO0xE6tI
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Jul 26, 2012 17:26
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Volume posted:New episode of Sex House.
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Jul 26, 2012 17:57
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I love the dark turn this is taking.
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Jul 26, 2012 18:12
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Anaheim Police Chief John Welter: 'Look, Our Job Is To Shoot People' fuckthepolice.txt
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Jul 27, 2012 02:25
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DarkCrawler posted:Jesus Christ Onion Haha, this is too good. Related link: Kim Jong-Un volunteers for first shift of wife's suicide watch.
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Jul 27, 2012 07:42
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Nation's Moms On Olympic Opening Ceremony: 'Buckle The gently caress Up, It's Going To Be A Wild-rear end Ride' http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-moms-on-olympic-opening-ceremony-buckle-th,28962/
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Jul 27, 2012 20:29
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New Apple Campaign Urges Consumers To Buy iPhone For Other Hand
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Jul 28, 2012 02:51
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http://silencedmajority.blogs.com/silenced_majority_portal/2008/05/60-of-americans.html The main portion of the video isn't really that funny, but nothing makes me laugh like "a new poll says that 60% of Americans would vote for whichever candidate promised to kill the Devil." And on the dark turn things have taken: http://www.theonion.com/articles/you-will-die-someday-and-it-will-be-sad-all-man-th,28812/ There aren't even really any jokes in that article, just the bleakest possible gallows humor.
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Jul 28, 2012 06:29
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lasts years man posted:And on the dark turn things have taken: http://www.theonion.com/articles/you-will-die-someday-and-it-will-be-sad-all-man-th,28812/ I... I wanna go hug my mom and tell her I love her. 
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Jul 28, 2012 07:39
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Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested
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Jul 28, 2012 22:49
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The "next" link on that one is great: American People Ruled Unfit To Govern quote:Populations currently being considered to fill the leadership void until the American people can be rehabilitated and returned to self-governance include those of Switzerland, Sweden and Canada.
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Jul 28, 2012 23:24
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The fake Onion magazines are hidden pretty deep in the site and don't seem to show up in the local paper. It's a drat shame because they are just as good as the articles. 
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Jul 29, 2012 06:00
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Ovo posted:The fake Onion magazines are hidden pretty deep in the site and don't seem to show up in the local paper. It's a drat shame because they are just as good as the articles. That Kissinger line loving slays me every time I see it.
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Jul 29, 2012 14:25
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Ovo posted:The fake Onion magazines are hidden pretty deep in the site and don't seem to show up in the local paper. It's a drat shame because they are just as good as the articles.  
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Jul 29, 2012 15:04
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I love this article so much it hurts. Scrappy Band Of Lovable Misfits No Match For Rich Kids http://www.theonion.com/articles/scrappy-band-of-lovable-misfits-no-match-for-rich,179/
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Jul 29, 2012 15:58
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^^^^ Dear god, they even gave the misfit kids stereotypical movie nicknames like Hackmeister and Half-Pint.
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Jul 29, 2012 16:25
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I love the money-saving tip at the bottom of this one. It reminds me of this excellent Today Now! video: Taco Bell's New Green Menu Takes No Ingredients From Nature The last sentence in the video is quote:Listen, don't go away, because when we come back we're going to show you how to save money by writing your own books!
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Jul 29, 2012 16:28
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Shimrra Jamaane posted:I love this article so much it hurts. itrorev posted:^^^^ Content:  
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Jul 29, 2012 16:54
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I love this one: Man suspected of being bumbling spyquote:Walther, whose mysterious background and impeccable sense of understated style are reportedly matched only by his utter lack of grace and inability to go an extended period of time without somehow losing his balance, has forced those who know him to conclude he is a specially trained—yet highly inept—secret agent. This one was in the same print Onion as that story, and one of the people I worked with thought it was real: Obama Openly Asks Nation Why On Earth He Would Want To Serve For Another Term quote:Citing three years of exhausting partisan politics, constant gridlock in Congress, and an overall feeling that the entire nation has "completely lost it," President Barack Obama openly asked a campaign-rally crowd Tuesday why he'd want to serve another term as president of "this godforsaken country."
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Jul 29, 2012 18:58
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Chick-Fil-A Debuts New Homophobic Sandwich: 'Queer-Hatin' Cordon Bleu' Goes On Sale Wednesday It immediately came up in "Literally Unbelievable": 
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Jul 29, 2012 21:08
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I love the idea of Literally Unbelievable, but I had to stop reading it. It's just too painful.
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Jul 29, 2012 21:10
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ultrafilter posted:I love the idea of Literally Unbelievable, but I had to stop reading it. It's just too painful. If I ever feel faith in humanity, I pull up Literally Unbelievable. Kills that faith right quick.
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Jul 29, 2012 21:38
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