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So, my fiance and I are having a hard time deciding when to tell people. At this point, we've told no one. Is the consensus still to wait until 12 weeks, or is that fairly uncommon now. Any thoughts on the pros and cons of waiting or not? We have our first meeting with the obgyn at 8 weeks, next Monday. If all is healthy, I would like to tell.. But we worry about a complicated pregnancy since both of us were told we couldn't conceive.
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Jul 29, 2012 03:27
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Acrolos posted:So, my fiance and I are having a hard time deciding when to tell people. At this point, we've told no one. Is the consensus still to wait until 12 weeks, or is that fairly uncommon now. Any thoughts on the pros and cons of waiting or not? I told my family and friends right away. I would be comfortable telling people if I miscarried though, so that's what I would do if I were you. I wouldn't tell coworkers until 12 weeks, personally.
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Jul 29, 2012 03:32
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We told close family after the 8 week appointment and everyone else after 12 weeks.
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Jul 29, 2012 03:32
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Acrolos posted:So, my fiance and I are having a hard time deciding when to tell people. At this point, we've told no one. Is the consensus still to wait until 12 weeks, or is that fairly uncommon now. Any thoughts on the pros and cons of waiting or not? Because we had a previous miscarriage, we waited until 12 weeks (I wanted to be able to deal with it completely privately, should anything have happened). After that we told family and friends, but didn't tell co-workers until it was painfully obvious (I have an issue with my personal life bleeding into my professional life). In my mind, the pros and cons of waiting go like this: PRO Less of the daily "how are you feeling" from everybody that you know Should anything bad happen, you don't have to deal with other people's emotions and reactions to it CON You can't share your awesome happiness You can't pull any "I am pregnant" excuses You can't share your awesome happiness (on here twice because it really is a big one) Congrats Acrolos!
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Jul 29, 2012 03:50
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My wife had two miscarriages before our son was born. The first time we made the mistake of telling a couple of friends before 12 weeks, and it didn't work out. It wasn't too bad, since we generally just didn't talk about it much (since one miscarriage is so common). The second time, we thought we were golden (because who has TWO miscarriages in a row, seriously). So we told a few more friends. That was a bit of a mistake, since they were all on baby fever too, so anytime we hung out after the problem, it was like having the elephant in the room. On the successful pregnancy, we didn't tell anyone except close family (my father an my brothers). Everyone else found out when things were confirmed good. In the long and short of it, it's super exciting to be able to tell people, but only tell those you won't have awkward moments with as a result. Kind of what like the poster above said in their pros/cons.
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Jul 29, 2012 04:06
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Thanks for all of the thoughts. Personally, I am the type who wouldn't mind discussing a miscarriage if it happened, even though it would be really painful. My fiance is much more private. It doesn't help that we have been engaged for two years and are now trying to rush a marriage in the next 20 days. It's important to both of us that we are married through this process and when the baby is born... So that adds some interesting variables into the timing as well. Our wedding is planned for around week 10 (a small ceremony with family). We would like to avoid the whole shotgun wedding comments, but I think it's unavoidable, even though we have been engaged for a couple years (honestly we both hate big weddings and were procrastinating). To make matters worse, I have a close friend and wife who are pregnant, and are two weeks ahead of us. They told everyone immediately and are basically getting nonstop attention from everyone. It may be a little selfish, but it's tough to watch them talking about it constantly with everyone, while we have to stay quiet... Even though we are going through the exact same thing. Decisions, decisions! Acrolos fucked around with this message at 04:20 on Jul 29, 2012 |
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Jul 29, 2012 04:18
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Acrolos posted:
That's pretty much where our Elephant came from on the second try. The couple who we told the first time were working on getting pregnant, they were about 1-2 weeks ahead of us, only for my wife to have a miscarriage. Kind of made us a bit resentful of them at times, since they seemed to *always* want to talk about it. Not that we didn't want to talk about it, but it was a thorn in the side, each time. Congrats, and good luck!
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Jul 29, 2012 04:56
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Acrolos posted:So, my fiance and I are having a hard time deciding when to tell people. At this point, we've told no one. Is the consensus still to wait until 12 weeks, or is that fairly uncommon now. Any thoughts on the pros and cons of waiting or not? Congratulations! I told my parents right away, I knew I would need their support if anything happened and it was helpful to be able to discuss some worries and concerns about stuff. I also told my boss because, again, if I had any issues it's just easier to tell them what's going on and not having to be cryptic about it. And it turns out I HAVE had some problems, lots of bleeding due to a subchorionic hematoma, and I've had to do bed rest for awhile. After lots of worry and stress, baby was consistently measuring ahead of what was expected so we went ahead and announced it at 9 weeks to everyone. My rationale was that it had been so stressful thus far and I needed to be able to enjoy this whole thing a bit. If we were to lose the baby, we'd tell close family and friends and let the rest figure it out.
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Jul 29, 2012 13:30
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I told my family and my best friend immediately, with the caveat that they absolutely cannot discuss it on social media. I also said that they were welcome to tell other family members, but anyone they informed of the pregnancy, they would also be responsible for telling about a miscarriage. It worked out pretty well, but they're also a fairly responsible group with regards to sensitive information. I didn't put anything on Facebook until I was about 6 months pregnant, mostly because I find it annoying when the only kind of status update you get from someone is about their pregnancy/kid/kid's bowel movements. I wouldn't worry too much about your friends who are getting the nonstop attention right now. That type of attention fades really fast, except for the grandparents maybe. Friends WITH kids will start giving unwanted advice and the piles of baby crap they don't want in their house, and friends without kids will be ready to move onto the next topic. In fact, that other pregnant couple will be your best allies! They'll probably be the only other ones interested in talking about all the pregnancy woes, baby registry, stroller and carseat comparisons, and all that jazz that will bore the poo poo out of anyone not going through the exact same thing.
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Jul 29, 2012 13:59
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With our daughter we waited until 14 weeks. With our son we told people almost immediately.
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Jul 29, 2012 14:36
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I would wait to tell anyone you wouldn't feel comfortable discussing a miscarriage with. Or longer. I really disliked the gossip mill at my workplace and I waited until I was five months along. I figured when I noticed people checking out my middle, it was time. 
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Jul 29, 2012 16:08
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We told family shortly before the 8-week ultrasound. As we had three sets of parents (mine are divorced and remarried), it took a while to get to each of them. We then told our friends shortly after the 8-week ultrasound, because it was Halloween. My wife went as an oven complete with openable oven door--and inside was the ultrasound picture. We were at a party with friends, and people were like "cool oven", and we said the door could be opened, so they did so--and that's how they found out. It was kinda cool getting some people's reactions on camera. We got voted best costumes at the party :3 We did worry a little about miscarriages, but we also knew that we'd want the community support. I told my boss around 10 or 11 weeks, more as a "I know you're going to be doing up schedules and plans for next year soon, so you should know that I'm going to disappear around this time". (Actually, the first time we kinda told anyone was on a camping trip at like, 4 weeks when my wife injured her knee (turned out to be a torn ACL), and I discretely took aside one of the guys we were camping with and said "For reasons we can't say yet, my wife can't have ibuprofen. Do you have any Tylenol? Oh, and please don't mention this to anyone". He more or less figured it out from that, but didn't tell anyone--which pissed his wife off (in play) when she found out a few weeks later. It was pretty amusing in retrospect, aside from the damaged knee severely impacting my wife's ability to exercise during pregnancy--not to mention having to wait until after the pregnancy to do anything about it)
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Jul 29, 2012 17:05
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MoCookies posted:I told my family and my best friend immediately, with the caveat that they absolutely cannot discuss it on social media. I also said that they were welcome to tell other family members, but anyone they informed of the pregnancy, they would also be responsible for telling about a miscarriage. This is pretty much what we did. And I did have a miscarriage and it still worked out. But as others have mentioned, we're not super private people. I didn't find talking about the miscarriage with the people we had told to be a bad thing.
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Jul 29, 2012 17:38
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We told most people right away, mostly due to having triplets makes your wife start showing immediately. My wife got put on hospital bedrest last Monday and we just hit 29 weeks. She had an elevated blood pressure and protein in her urine so it looks like preeclampsia. We had another growth ultrasound on Thursday and one of the babies is not growing as fast as the others. Triplet A was 2 lbs 10 oz, Triplet B was 2 lbs 14 oz and Triplet C was 1 lbs 14 oz. C is still growing, but just at a slower rate. He also has a decreased blood flow through the umbilical cord. So every few days they will doing an ultrasound to check the blood flow. If it gets worse, then we may be delivering very soon. One of our doctors thinks it may be in the next week or two.
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Jul 30, 2012 00:58
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I came up GBS positive, which I am now referring to as the General Bullshit Bacteria. I'm kind of cranky about it since I was hoping to avoid an IV if possible, but from everything I've read it's nothing to be worried about as long as you get the antibiotics during labor. Anyone had any problems with it??
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Aug 3, 2012 01:59
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rangergirl posted:I came up GBS positive, which I am now referring to as the General Bullshit Bacteria. I'm kind of cranky about it since I was hoping to avoid an IV if possible, but from everything I've read it's nothing to be worried about as long as you get the antibiotics during labor. Anyone had any problems with it?? No problems. I had it during my first pregnancy. The midwife at the birth center put the IV in and held the bag up until it was empty and then removed it so I wouldn't have to be tied to an IV the whole time. I did end up getting thrush (yeast infection on my breasts) and my son had it too. This is more likely if you've had antibiotics during labor. Take probiotics to help fight that.
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Aug 3, 2012 03:59
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rangergirl posted:I came up GBS positive, which I am now referring to as the General Bullshit Bacteria. I'm kind of cranky about it since I was hoping to avoid an IV if possible, but from everything I've read it's nothing to be worried about as long as you get the antibiotics during labor. Anyone had any problems with it?? I was GBS negative, but I had an IV and it really wasn't that bad. I am one of the biggest needlephobes ever because I have tiny veins that no one can ever seem to find. They had to call in the "expert" nurse to insert it because the first nurse tried in my arm and failed and they needed to put it into the back of my hand. Honest to goodness, I was too distracted by contractions to care too much what they were doing.
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Aug 3, 2012 06:15
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I've had IVs before, the actual IV doesnt bother me so much as being connected to an IV pole for who knows how long. If they can give you the antibiotics and remove it afterwards (at least the bag and line) that would be great.
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Aug 3, 2012 13:00
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They generally can give you the antibiotics then seal off the IV line with a heplock so that you're not attached to anything but you can still get more antibiotics if you need them in the future.
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Aug 3, 2012 14:15
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We're planning on going out & getting our registry started this weekend (since I have relatives begging me to tell them what to buy). I have a great list from a friend of all the products she researched, used & loved, but I want more opinions! What are your top registry must-haves & what should we leave off? If it helps, I am planning on breastfeeding & going to back work so I'm going to need a good breast pump. Any preferences in regards to Medela versus Avent versus Ameda?
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Aug 3, 2012 18:50
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GoreJess posted:Any preferences in regards to Medela versus Avent versus Ameda? I would wait until you have your baby to make any decisions on a pump in the event you need to rent a hospital grade pump versus purchasing your own. Even if you both rent and purchase, you'll want them to be the same brand so the parts work on both.
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Aug 3, 2012 20:51
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rangergirl posted:I came up GBS positive, which I am now referring to as the General Bullshit Bacteria. I'm kind of cranky about it since I was hoping to avoid an IV if possible, but from everything I've read it's nothing to be worried about as long as you get the antibiotics during labor. Anyone had any problems with it?? I didn't have any trouble with being GBS positive, and neither did my son once he was born, but I discovered I could taste either the antibiotic or something in the solution, right after discovering I could taste saline. The nurse said she'd met a lot of patients who could taste saline but none before me who tasted anything from the antibiotic, so it probably won't happen to you! Also, the IV was no big deal, and I have a serious phobia of anything medical; I had them put in a saline lock, so once the antibiotics were done I could just move around (when I wasn't hooked up to the monitors, anyway).
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Aug 3, 2012 21:17
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skeetied posted:I would wait until you have your baby to make any decisions on a pump in the event you need to rent a hospital grade pump versus purchasing your own. Even if you both rent and purchase, you'll want them to be the same brand so the parts work on both. Also I know of several insurance companies that are going to start covering breast pump purchases after the 1st of the year. So there is more incentive to wait, if you can.
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Aug 4, 2012 17:51
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bamzilla posted:Also I know of several insurance companies that are going to start covering breast pump purchases after the 1st of the year. So there is more incentive to wait, if you can. Bam, do you know any specifics on the new insurance coverage? I've been looking & all I can find are vague statements about "breastfeeding support, supplies & counseling".
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Aug 5, 2012 01:09
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GoreJess posted:Bam, do you know any specifics on the new insurance coverage? I've been looking & all I can find are vague statements about "breastfeeding support, supplies & counseling". http://www.healthcare.gov/news/factsheets/2011/08/womensprevention08012011a.html quote:Breastfeeding support, supplies, and counseling: Pregnant and postpartum women will have access to comprehensive lactation support and counseling from trained providers, as well as breastfeeding equipment. Breastfeeding is one of the most effective preventive measures mothers can take to protect their health and that of their children. One of the barriers for breastfeeding is the cost of purchasing or renting breast pumps and nursing related supplies. http://www.healthcare.gov/news/factsheets/2010/07/preventive-services-list.html quote:The eight new prevention-related health services marked with an asterisk ( * ) must be covered with no cost-sharing in plan years starting on or after August 1, 2012... Looks like breastfeeding support and supplies are going to be included as no-cost preventative care. But this part of the PPACA was just effective on August 1 for plan years beginning after that. Our plan year starts July 1, so this would only be covered for us after next July 1.
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Aug 5, 2012 01:25
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Thank you for the links! My insurance renews in November, so I should be covered, which is super awesome.
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Aug 5, 2012 02:02
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Yesterday was my due date, and nothing yet. I didn't really expect to have her born on time or early, but so far I have never experienced Braxton Hicks (to my knowledge--I suspect that if I did it just felt like the baby moving around as usual), and I kind of worry that I won't know I'm in labour if it happens naturally before I reach my cutoff date for being induced (the 14th). Either way, anxious waiting game time. 
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Aug 5, 2012 15:16
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When I had Elliot three years ago my breast pump was covered. The lactation specialist came in and said "Are you planning on pumping when you go back to work? *whispering loudly* SAY YES YOU'LL GET A FREE PUMP" It was a nice medela back pack pump too.
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Aug 5, 2012 15:28
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raaaan posted:Yesterday was my due date, and nothing yet. I didn't really expect to have her born on time or early, but so far I have never experienced Braxton Hicks (to my knowledge--I suspect that if I did it just felt like the baby moving around as usual), and I kind of worry that I won't know I'm in labour if it happens naturally before I reach my cutoff date for being induced (the 14th). Either way, anxious waiting game time. I had no noticeable Braxton Hicks contractions (although I did have some that a non-stress test at 38 weeks picked up, I just couldn't feel them) and I went into labor two days after my due date. I actually probably started labor the day before, but I didn't really notice early labor. Once I hit active labor, though, it was unmistakeable.
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Aug 5, 2012 16:01
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My wife and I are going in for our first appointment tomorrow, which we think will be at 8 weeks (she has odd menstrual cycles, so doesn't remember the exact date to calculate things on). What can we expect for this first appointment? I have been extremely nervous about the possibility of a miscarriage (I can't help it, I always expect the worst) and I have been waiting on this day so I can get some kind of verification that everything is ok. I was under the impression that we would get an ultrasound and a listen for the heartbeat through a doppler, but I'm now hearing that this doesn't always happen at the first appointment. So, the question is two-fold. 1. What should I expect for the appointment? 2. Based on what tests they perform, will I at least get some piece of mind that things are ok (or not) at this point...or is it still just a guessing game this early along?
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Aug 5, 2012 21:31
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They'll be able to tell if something is wrong but that doesn't mean you're safe. There's a reason the rule is to wait until 12 weeks to tell people, it is not uncommon to lose the pregnancy at this stage. At our first appointment they monitored the heartbeat to look for abnormalities and did an ultrasound where we could see the head and body with little nubbins for limbs. It's pretty awesome, hopefully everything goes well for you!
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Aug 5, 2012 21:48
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raaaan posted:Yesterday was my due date, and nothing yet. I didn't really expect to have her born on time or early, but so far I have never experienced Braxton Hicks (to my knowledge--I suspect that if I did it just felt like the baby moving around as usual), and I kind of worry that I won't know I'm in labour if it happens naturally before I reach my cutoff date for being induced (the 14th). Either way, anxious waiting game time. It is entirely possible that you're having BH contractions, but don't realize it. They don't hurt, really, and since there is so much going on in there, it can sometimes be hard to tell when they are happening. As far as knowing when you're in labor, you might not know when you start early labor. With my second pregnancy, I was having regular contractions that the monitor at the hospital picked up at 4 to 5 minutes apart, and they were completely painless. I truly did not think I was in labor, but later that night I gave birth. What I can guarantee you is that you will totally know before you actually have the baby, even if you don't know exactly when it starts.
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Aug 5, 2012 22:16
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Papercut posted:They'll be able to tell if something is wrong but that doesn't mean you're safe. There's a reason the rule is to wait until 12 weeks to tell people, it is not uncommon to lose the pregnancy at this stage. Thanks. Yeah, we are waiting until 12 weeks, and I know the risk remains. I just wanted to be able to see some kind of sign that things are currently ok at this appointment. Good to see that they did that in your appointment. Hopefully we will get similar treatment.
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Aug 5, 2012 22:21
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Acrolos posted:My wife and I are going in for our first appointment tomorrow, which we think will be at 8 weeks (she has odd menstrual cycles, so doesn't remember the exact date to calculate things on). What can we expect for this first appointment? It's really going to depend on your doctor's practice, they might do an ultrasound & they might not. My doctor did an ultrasound, as early on is the best time to pinpoint a due date that's not based off your menstrual cycle. There won't really be any tests performed at this point, other than measuring the fetus & it's heartbeat. This will at least let you know that the embryo is implanted in the uterus & growing. Your wife should expect to pee in a cup & give some blood, but that's about it so far. You won't get into the optional screenings for things like Down's & other genetic problems until the 12th week.
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Aug 5, 2012 23:01
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Acrolos posted:My wife and I are going in for our first appointment tomorrow, which we think will be at 8 weeks (she has odd menstrual cycles, so doesn't remember the exact date to calculate things on). What can we expect for this first appointment? My doctor did a sonogram a week after my first appointment because according to my last menstrual period, I should have been 7 weeks (but I tried telling them that my cycles are really long and that wouldn't be accurate.) When the doctor felt my belly, she knew I wasn't 7 weeks. We did the sonogram and found out that we were actually 5 weeks when they originally thought we'd be 8 weeks... So maybe since your wife has similar menstrual weirdness, they might do an early sonogram. We didn't get to hear the heartbeat until 11 weeks just because that's when they start getting out the Doppler, but we did get to SEE it with the sonograms at 5 and 7 weeks.
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Aug 6, 2012 00:05
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Acrolos posted:My wife and I are going in for our first appointment tomorrow, which we think will be at 8 weeks (she has odd menstrual cycles, so doesn't remember the exact date to calculate things on). What can we expect for this first appointment? For my wife and I, our experience is to have a blood test to confirm the pregnancy, then schedule an ultrasound at around 8 weeks (estimated). This is where they date the pregnancy to start. Then she will meet with the nurse practitioner at about 10 weeks, and then we meet with the doctor at 12 weeks.
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Aug 6, 2012 00:12
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Acrolos posted:Thanks. Yeah, we are waiting until 12 weeks, and I know the risk remains. I just wanted to be able to see some kind of sign that things are currently ok at this appointment. Good to see that they did that in your appointment. Also, if your wife is unaware, its a trans-vaginal ultrasound so be prepared for that!
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Aug 6, 2012 00:14
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Don't let her forget that for every appoint with the Nurse Practitioner or OB she will need to pee either before or after the appointment. At first I kept forgetting and had emptied my bladder before some of my appointments. By the way, the beginning few months are basically ALL about waiting it out. There are few appointments, and the growth of the baby is super slow. It really picks up at around 25+ weeks though!
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Aug 6, 2012 00:32
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Awesome Kristin posted:Don't let her forget that for every appoint with the Nurse Practitioner or OB she will need to pee either before or after the appointment. At first I kept forgetting and had emptied my bladder before some of my appointments. Yeah, the not emptying my bladder part has been rough because I feel like I have to pee constantly and I'm afraid of being stuck in traffic and having to pee We had a lot of appointments because I had a lot of problems early on, but it looks like from 8 weeks onward we're going in every 4 weeks. Best of luck to you and your wife, Arcolos! Fingers crossed that all will be well
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Aug 6, 2012 01:18
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Alterian posted:Also, if your wife is unaware, its a trans-vaginal ultrasound so be prepared for that! Indeed. It can be a little weird doing that with someone watching (even your husband) and presumably it's a little weird for the husband as well. The OB may also do a pelvic exam, which is another thing that can be a little weird with an audience. The "oh my gosh we really are pregnant" thing makes up for a lot of it, at least.
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Aug 6, 2012 01:59
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