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That is loving beautiful. Another "funny then the last sentence owns" article: Busy Mom Wishes She Had Enough Spare Time To gently caress CIA Director posted:MEDIA, PA—Folding laundry Thursday morning as she watched television coverage of the latest revelations in the affair between Gen. David Petraeus and his biographer Paula Broadwell, local mother Dinah Cooley told reporters she wished she had enough time to gently caress the director of the CIA once in a while. “What I wouldn’t give to just drop everything, slip away for a little while, and gently caress a CIA director,” Cooley said with a huff, adding that she doesn’t understand why it’s always someone else who gets to have fun loving high-ranking military and intelligence officers. “Between cooking three meals a day, chauffeuring the kids around, and keeping this house in order, I barely have time to gently caress a low-level CIA operative, much less the director of the whole agency. And even if I did get an hour alone with him, I’d probably be too exhausted to really get anything out of it.” Sighing softly as she returned to her work, Cooley added that she would just have to settle with loving her neighbor for now.
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Nov 15, 2012 20:55
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Ant Colony Comes To Halt After Death Of Popular Worker As much as I like their real life satire articles, I can't get enough of their Ant articles. (There's quite a few too)
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Nov 15, 2012 21:03
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Amazing Original Thing To Become Hated Cliché In 6 Months My mom told me this weekend that she was doing the Gagnam Style dance. I just noticed this article after clicking the ant one, and it pretty much gives a perfect timeline, except it stayed amusing for a lot longer.
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Nov 15, 2012 21:16
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New Al-Qaeda Recruit Sick Of Hearing Senior Terrorists Brag About 9/11 Attacks
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Nov 16, 2012 00:18
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Obama: 'Second Term Will Be Like Breaking Bad Times Homeland Plus The Sopranos' President Obama compared his second term to the TV show "Homeland," promising fans more twists, more action, and a storyline "that will blow your mind."
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Nov 17, 2012 03:00
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Just a headline: Son Now Also Dead To Everyone Else
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Nov 17, 2012 22:32
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A photo: Full Unsliced Lemon Makes Glass Of Water Particularly Refreshing
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Nov 19, 2012 22:25
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8-Year-Old Palestinian Boy Pleasantly Surprised He Hasn't Been Killed Yet
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Nov 19, 2012 23:29
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I know more than a few people who are exactly like this: Area Woman Finally Uploads All 12 Million Pictures Of Her Vacation To Europe On Facebook Related classic: Amazing New Hyperbolic Chamber Greatest Invention In The History Of Mankind Ever
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Nov 19, 2012 23:31
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For people not following the TVIV thread: the series finale of Lake Dredge Appraisal. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iuORrDFv5I
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Nov 20, 2012 20:34
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Thanksgiving Won't Be The Same This Year Without A House
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Nov 20, 2012 21:04
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Hungover Couple Unaware They Broke Up Last Night I know most Onion articles aren't worth reading except for the headline and last line, but this one is worth it.
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Nov 21, 2012 18:27
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Study: Everyone, Everything Linked To Paranoia I knew it 
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Nov 21, 2012 18:47
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Palestinian Family Trapped Under Rubble Thrilled To Hear 'Gaza' Trending On Twitter “Check out how many people are tweeting about us! We’re seriously blowing up.”
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Nov 21, 2012 20:39
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I Won't Have My Daughter Bringing A Black Man Into This House Until I've Tidied Up And Created A Welcoming Environment
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Nov 21, 2012 20:52
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Grandson Has Long Hair Like a Girl—He Has Girl Hair
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Nov 21, 2012 22:56
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Turkey Pardon Mishap Results In Accidental Release Of Serial Rapist
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Nov 22, 2012 03:26
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I've been waiting for the Onion to write an article about Obama's trip to SE Asia, something in the style of the Onion's Biden because of all the hubbub about him kissing the Nobel peace prize winner in Myanmar and then smiling and laughing with the Thai prime minister. http://gawker.com/5961769/america-meet-your-new-first-lady-obamas-foreign-side-piece-the-prime-minister-of-thailand Or maybe that story was too easy.
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Nov 22, 2012 15:49
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This has always been one of my favorites, from the 9/11 edition: Talking To Your Child About The WTC Attack
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Nov 23, 2012 02:34
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Biden Pardons Single Yam in Vice Presidential Thanksgiving Ritual
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Nov 23, 2012 04:02
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Detectives Overlooked Casey Anthony's 'I Killed My Daughter' AMA On Reddit
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Nov 26, 2012 21:36
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Not sure what The Onion is going for with this SLIDESHOW: The 9 Most SCANDALOUS Rihanna Photos!
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Nov 26, 2012 22:29
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Today I thought of another oldie that really amused me, apologies if it's already been posted Funyuns still outselling responsibilityuns
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Nov 26, 2012 23:00
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Hahaha, the ending is hilarious.
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Nov 26, 2012 23:06
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Volume posted:Not sure what The Onion is going for with this SLIDESHOW: The 9 Most SCANDALOUS Rihanna Photos!
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Nov 26, 2012 23:12
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I laughed like a maniac at this: Idiom Shortage Leaves Nation All Sewed Up In Horse Piesquote:WASHINGTON—A crippling idiom shortage that has left millions of Americans struggling to express themselves spread like tugboat hens throughout the U.S. mainland Tuesday in an unparalleled lingual crisis that now has the entire country six winks short of an icicle.
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Nov 27, 2012 00:30
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Volume posted:Not sure what The Onion is going for with this SLIDESHOW: The 9 Most SCANDALOUS Rihanna Photos! Whoa baby, that Rihanna gal's got the stuff! Wonder if she's lookin' for a tall glass of water to brighten her day?  On topic, this video investigation left me in tears. Kudos to the little girl, her acting was fantastic. http://www.theonion.com/video/reporter-investigates-claims-he-ruined-his-familys,30511/
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Nov 27, 2012 01:59
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red plastic cup posted:Whoa baby, that Rihanna gal's got the stuff! Wonder if she's lookin' for a tall glass of water to brighten her day? I'd hit it.
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Nov 27, 2012 02:03
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42 Million Dead In Bloodiest Black Friday Weekend On Record
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Nov 27, 2012 05:17
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Volume posted:Not sure what The Onion is going for with this SLIDESHOW: The 9 Most SCANDALOUS Rihanna Photos! Number 8 is the most erotic thing I have ever seen in my life.
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Nov 27, 2012 09:01
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Please Click On Our Website's Banner Ads
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Nov 27, 2012 18:16
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Volume posted:Not sure what The Onion is going for with this SLIDESHOW: The 9 Most SCANDALOUS Rihanna Photos! It's probably an inside joke between the writers about they could just post no-effort poo poo like that and still get more page counts than the good stuff. Who knows, the mind of the Onion is ineffable.
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Nov 27, 2012 19:15
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Filthy Mitt Romney Delivers Campaign Speech To Audience Of Confused Shoppers In Ohio Safeway
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Nov 27, 2012 19:20
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This isn't from the Onion, but China's party paper falls for Onion joke about Kim You can't make this poo poo up.
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Nov 27, 2012 19:50
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I even clicked on the video they inlined. I didn't think it would really be an ad, but its for the new campaign that adobe is doing that you see in front of all their videos. Isn't it against most ad services TOS to literally beg for ad clicks?
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Nov 27, 2012 22:02
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LASER BEAM DREAM posted:Isn't it against most ad services TOS to literally beg for ad clicks? Yes, but it's a link to an ad on YouTube, not a click-thru, so I think that's allowed. It reminds me of one of my favorites: Failing U.S. Economy No Reason At All To Stop Investing In Print Media, All Experts Agree
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Nov 27, 2012 22:06
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In The Know: Should We Do More To Reduce Violence In Our Dreams? The panelists discuss the rising amounts of violence being shown to us in our dreams.
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Nov 27, 2012 23:20
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This, also: NYPD Apologizes For Accidental Shooting-Clubbing-Stabbing-Firebombing Death
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Nov 28, 2012 00:52
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magnafides posted:This, also:  ing at the same time.For content, here's another great one from back then: Dog Urine Lowers Heart-Attack Risk, Say Snickering Researchers
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Nov 28, 2012 01:48
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Jerry Manderbilt posted:This isn't from the Onion, but China's party paper falls for Onion joke about Kim The Onion has updated the original story: "For more coverage on The Onion's Sexiest Man Alive 2012, Kim Jong-Un, please visit our friends at the People's Daily in China, a proud Communist subsidiary of The Onion, Inc. Exemplary reportage, comrades." Zugzwang posted:For content, here's another great one from back then: Dog Urine Lowers Heart-Attack Risk, Say Snickering Researchers Another great joke about scientists: Anthropologists Trace Human Origins Back To One Large Goat. 'Wait, That Can't Be Right,' Scientists Say.
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Nov 28, 2012 02:36
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