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With my first at 9 weeks one of my friends congratulated me... at 10 my boss did. It was summer, I am slim and gained 12 lbs the first 2 months. With my second, it was winter and I wanted to hide it from my colleagues but one of them saw it before 12 weeks and kept it to himself. I had to tell around 16 weeks because spring was coming, could not hide in hoodies for long, and I was managing a big project, thus needed to make arrangements for someone else to take the lead (but not too early because then I could be kicked out of it).
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Dec 25, 2012 23:42
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Hey everybody, I'm ButtonsForEyes, long-time obsessive lurker of this thread, and I'm just hitting the halfway-point of my first pregnancy! I want to talk (whine) about baby-name etiquette (if there is such a thing). First, a little background. I work in a store with a staff of 30 or so. I got a positive pregnancy test August 29th and am due May 12 (Mother's Day.. aww!). Within about 2 weeks, two other girls had positive tests as well (one due May 17th, and one May 26th). We three had all gotten married around the same time last year, and after I mentioned that my husband and I were going to start trying "in September" (September specifically, because I had a huge medical appointment mid-August to talk about baby-making in relation to my Spina Bifida, and I wanted "permission" from doctors so to speak), one of them had (half jokingly? I'm not actually sure...) mentioned "we should all try to get pregnant in September!", none of us ever thinking it would actually happen, but lo and behold.... yeah. They should probably test our water cooler for fertility enhancing chemicals. We have one more gal who came up pregnant since then, a month or so behind us 3. So I already felt slightly weird about that (mixed in with purely selfish, immature feelings of wanting to be the "only one" pregnant for at least a while, to bask in the attention or something? This will be my first and each of the other two girls have a child each. Not proud of or trying to justify those feelings, but they were there. I feel like an rear end admitting that, and I probably should.) BUT ANYWAY-- Since I'm slightly further along than the others, I found out the gender of mine first. As soon as we found out it was a boy, he had his name-- we've had it picked out, set in stone, for at least 3 years or maybe even 4 or 5. I had started to tell people his name when asked, officially told family his name, told probably between 10 and 15 people at work (just whenever asked), and mentioned it once in a picture reply on Facebook about a week ago. 2 days ago, one of the other girls (the one who had originally said "Let's all try to get pregnant in September!" who i already had irrational feelings of "copying me") found out she was having a boy as well, and asked on Facebook, "What do you guys think of [FIRST NAME OF MY BABY!!!]?" and I replied something like "I like it a lot! matter of fact, my baby's name is going to be[first middle last] and has been named that for years." and explained that it was a family name on my husband's side. After that, I felt bad enough that I replied again, "Not that that means you can't use it! Just sayin!" with a smiley, hoping she'd go, "oh, that would be weird.. moving on to something else!" since, by her own admission, they only just started looking at boy names for the first time that day. Instead, she replied something along the lines of "they'll be twinsies!!" The name is in the top 200 for last year, but not near the top 100, and is gaining in popularity but is by no means common yet. I've heard it around exactly twice in the past year (one adult and one baby) but at the time my husband suggested it 3 years ago, had never heard it before. I can't help but suspect that she heard or read it first from me (I can't remember if I've told her directly, but like I said have mentioned it to a bunch of people at work, and mentioned it once in a picture reply on Facebook that she may or may not have seen), but not consciously- she was focused on having a girl and so I don't think a boy name would have "stuck" consciously in her mind. I don't really think she's purposefully copying me, but I'm really secretly hoping she'll fall in love with a different name, especially now that she knows I've had my heart set on it for a long time! The logical part of me is trying to tell myself that I don't own the name, didn't make it up, and it's not going to matter in 5 years that our kids have the same name, so I'm trying to be really diplomatic about it at work, but the emotional side of me is upset-- i know that my reaction, in her shoes, upon learning someone else due the same month as me at my workplace had already decided upon a name I liked, that I would cross it off my list and find something else. I'm a little surprised that she doesn't seem to be considering that. In hindsight, I wish I had announced his full name "officially" (ie in an unmistakable status/ announcement on Facebook at the very least) when we first found out he was a boy, because I feel like if she had seen it that way a couple weeks ago, it would have registered consciously back then and she probably wouldn't have chosen it as her own favorite. Wah. In short, I am a big whiny baby and my widdle feelers are too sensitive. Thoughts?
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Dec 27, 2012 07:12
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ButtonsForEyes posted:
I would let it go, you're going to have much bigger fish to fry. Yeah I can see it would be annoying and maybe even upsetting, but it's not like she's a family member you're stuck with forever.
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Dec 27, 2012 13:26
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Pregnancy confirmed! Ahhh.... This is exciting and scary. I hope we can get through the first trimester with no problems. I'm waiting for my husband to come home to tell him the news. I totally feel  has taken over my facial expression.
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Dec 27, 2012 13:41
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Cinderella posted:Pregnancy confirmed! Ahhh.... This is exciting and scary. I hope we can get through the first trimester with no problems. Congratulations! I think my face was stuck at  for a few weeks. So exciting!So I've just got about 12 weeks to go before babytimes and I've got the cot, pack n play, some blankets and some clothes, but I'm not sure how many of what clothes I need in what sizes? I've got a layette set for newborns (up to 4kg), and some 0-3 month babygros and vests, but that's it. My husband is assuring me that we WILL get baby clothes from his family, but I'm skeptical because I come from a family of no one giving a poo poo.
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Dec 27, 2012 13:54
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Dandy Shrew posted:Congratulations! I think my face was stuck at Depends on the climate where you are. I'd ask someone who had a baby at around the same time of year in a similar climate. I ended up not being able to use lots of the clothes we got for my son because they were summer clothes and he was born in late August and the weather became really cold fast that year.
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Dec 27, 2012 14:30
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ButtonsForEyes posted:Crazy lady a work It sounds like you already know it doesn't matter in the long run, and it's silly to worry over it. That doesn't mean it isn't super annoying. I'd be pretty annoyed too...but yeah, you have other stuff to worry about. Try not to let it get to you.  Cinderella posted:Pregnancy confirmed! Ahhh.... This is exciting and scary. I hope we can get through the first trimester with no problems. 
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Dec 27, 2012 15:51
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Dandy Shrew posted:Congratulations! I think my face was stuck at You'll probably want some swaddlers, at least 3, in either cotton or fleece depending on your climate. You can wait till a little closer to baby time, since many places have a 90 day return policy. That way you can return them it the weather or baby size doesn't seem right.
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Dec 27, 2012 16:26
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ButtonsForEyes posted:Names Especially since the name's in the top 200 (what is it?), I wouldn't fret. Someone you know is bound to have chosen it. It could be worse--you could be coming from a naming tradition where everyone is named after grandparents and you get lots of repeated names! That said, your coworker does sound really annoying.
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Dec 27, 2012 16:28
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ButtonsForEyes posted:Words about names I'm also really curious about what the name is. Are you afraid we'll steal it too? I'm not looking forward at all to the naming war me and the boyfriend are about to have. He's basically set on that if baby doesn't have his last name there will be a "problem." I don't feel as strongly about it but I know it's something I might regret, especially since we're not married. And even if we were I wouldn't change my last name. Fun times ahead.
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Dec 27, 2012 17:21
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Goobish posted:I'm also really curious about what the name is. Are you afraid we'll steal it too? I'm not looking forward at all to the naming war me and the boyfriend are about to have. He's basically set on that if baby doesn't have his last name there will be a "problem." I don't feel as strongly about it but I know it's something I might regret, especially since we're not married. And even if we were I wouldn't change my last name. Fun times ahead. Compromise! First child gets his last name, number two gets yours (or vice versa).
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Dec 27, 2012 17:24
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My friend legitimately wanted to name his son Luke Skywalker <Lastname>. His wife is much more generous than I am, because she compromised by letting him use Lucas for a first name.
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Dec 27, 2012 17:46
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Goobish posted:I'm also really curious about what the name is. Are you afraid we'll steal it too? I'm not looking forward at all to the naming war me and the boyfriend are about to have. He's basically set on that if baby doesn't have his last name there will be a "problem." I don't feel as strongly about it but I know it's something I might regret, especially since we're not married. And even if we were I wouldn't change my last name. Fun times ahead. It is difficult, I ended up giving my son my husbands last name but mainly because the wedding date was already set and my maiden name was a pain in the bum for people to spell (going by the amount of post we got with the wrong spelling) so I was happy to change it for myself. Personally I think that if the mother is going to be the main care giver, going to doctors appointments, getting the 'your kid has thrown up in the hall please come and get him' calls etc it makes more sense that they have your name but choosing to do so is butting your head against centuries of tradition. My now brother in law didn't even think it was legal to call your kid anything bar the fathers name. Edit: I'm finding it really hard to think of a boys name now, think I used all the ones I like. If anyone has any suggestions of a name that would go well with Alistair, Cameron and Connor I'd love to hear it .
hookerbot 5000 fucked around with this message at 18:43 on Dec 27, 2012 |
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Dec 27, 2012 17:56
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The possessiveness over names thing is so weird to me. Unless you make up a 100% unique name from scratch, your child is going to have the same name as other people, and you "stole" your name idea from someone else somewhere along the line. I can sort of understand feeling miffed if it was someone in your own family and you'd talked about using that name for years, but even then I think it's silly. It's not like I think I'm some selfless paragon of virtue or anything, I get upset about silly things too, but this is one that's always made me roll my eyes. I still remember about 10 years ago, idly chatting about names we liked for potential future children with some girlfriends, and I mentioned one I liked. My girlfriend's friend literally jumped up, leaned across the table and screamed in my face that that was "HER name" and she picked it out when she was like 5 years old and I'd better not even think about stealing it. I think of that incident every time I hear someone getting weird about names. It wasn't a unique name at all, and it's not like our potential future children would be buddies. So that's likely the source of my eye-rolling. (I'm not using the name anyway, I should track her down and let her know, haha.) As far as last names, my child is getting my last name, end of story. The father isn't in the picture, and likely won't be in the future, so it makes no sense to give it his name.
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Dec 27, 2012 18:34
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sudont posted:
I think we need to know what name inspires such possessiveness.
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Dec 27, 2012 18:57
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In my story, the name was Madeline. I still like the name, but it's pretty common now, and I'm not considering using it. She has since had a daughter and did indeed name her Madeline. (I told our mutual friend to tell her I'm pregnant and see what she says, haha.)
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Dec 27, 2012 19:09
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Aren't there like 30+ baby Benjamins in this thread alone? It's a great name! Why not? My brother's name is Ben! We're naming our boy Rory, though, because it's impossible to mispronounce and there are no Rorys on either side of the family. I was given a pretty unique (though not unheard of) name, and while I've grown to like it, every time I go to a doctors appointment, or get a phone call from someone I'm not close with, it just gets absolutely butchered. I get more annoyed when people suggest names to me, but I've no idea why. Everyone has suggested naming him after my husband, and while I *like* my husbands name.. I don't know.. I feel the kid deserves his own.
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Dec 27, 2012 19:27
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Dandy Shrew posted:We're naming our boy Rory, though, because it's impossible to mispronounce and there are no Rorys on either side of the family. And Rory is the best Doctor Who companion. It's pretty uncommon here in the US I'd say, though I do know one Rory, he's in his mid-30s like me. It's strange, maybe because it's a letter combination you don't use often, but the name feels "weird" in my mouth when I say it. It feels like I'm struggling to say it. Love it though.
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Dec 27, 2012 19:36
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Just want to chime in on the last name issue. I did not change my last name when I got married (cause frankly I don't like my husband's last name, it's hard to spell and hard to pronounce, and mine is just better anyway). We discussed the children-naming issue long ago and decided that any boy children will have my last name for a middle name and their father's last name for a last name, and girls would be reversed so they'd have his last name for a middle name (sorry about the ugly middle name, imaginary girl-child), and my last name for their last. It's working for us. My mother has a very close friend who is a lawyer, and the woman has offered to help me legally change my name several times because she contends that it will be "SO HARD ON LIAM" if I don't have the same last name as he, particularly once he hits school. I think she's living in another era, because he's in kindergarten now at at least 1/3 of the kids in his class don't share a last name with one of their parents due to divorce, remarriage, or never getting married in the first place. It's just not an issue to the kids. As for any "confusion" over naming when it comes to official things such as doctors, schools, etc., it's not an issue. I sometimes get called Mrs. XXXX(his last name), but I know who they are referring to, and in my case it is technically correct. I just answer up - sometimes I correct them, if it is a relationship that is likely to be long-term, other times if it's a one-off type of office visit, I just let it go. I drove to Canada with our son this summer, just handed the Canadian border agent my passport and his, and he just did his thing and handed them back, no problem. Never even asked how the kid was related to me. Same with returning to the US, no one even blinked an eye. It's just so common now that people do not share a name with their children. As for the first name issue, when we decided on Liam's name, my husband's best friend told him "oh wow, that's the name we wanted to use if we ever have a boy." to which my husband responded "Well, guess you should have gotten your wife pregnant first, huh?" They ended up getting having a girl a year or so later and do not plan on having another, so it's a moot point, but if they did have a boy, they likely would have used the name. We like it, they like it, and it's just a word. My Liam isn't like any other Liam in the world - someone else using those 4 letters in that order doesn't take *anything* away from him. I really think once you actually have the baby and it's not just theoretical, the whole thing becomes a bit clearer. Until the baby is born, you don't have much else to hold onto that is his/hers alone, so you can tend to get a bit defensive on the name.
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Dec 27, 2012 19:40
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Liam was my top boy name choice for a long time! I'm still toying with it but likely won't use it as it's tough with my last name. I'm having that problem with all my favorite names, ugh! My last name starts with ELL-, and my girl name first choice is Charlotte, boy's is Joel (or Jesse, but I'm leaning more toward Joel). I feel like I'm asking for a kid with a speech impediment! Plus the names feel like they don't "stop" before the last name what with all the L's. Charlottell... Joelell... The father's last name is very Italian and has two Z's it, but it sounds better with both names, too bad he's kinda a jerk, haha.
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Dec 27, 2012 19:48
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There are at least 4 goon babies named Liam that I can think of off the top of my head. It's a good name.
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Dec 27, 2012 19:56
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It's a great name. My oldest and dearest friend's name, and it fits with my family ethnic makeup! The other thing I'm struggling with is, we have a family name that I really want to use. My grandmother's maiden name was going to die out, as there were no sons to pass it on. She gave it to her first son, my father, as a first name. I was the first grandchild, and it was given to me as a middle name. It's very unusual and different and while I hated it as a kid, I adore it now and want to use it for a child of either gender. I also very much want to use the middle name Hope for a girl, and there's a few male mentors I've had in my life I'd also like to honor. I suppose I don't have to stick to two names, I could go with three...
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Dec 27, 2012 20:01
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Ben Davis posted:Especially since the name's in the top 200 (what is it?), I wouldn't fret. Someone you know is bound to have chosen it. It could be worse--you could be coming from a naming tradition where everyone is named after grandparents and you get lots of repeated names! Haha I was actually a little sheepish to say the name, because although I'm insisting it's "not that common", it popped up in this thread very recently and I have a sneaking suspicion that it is, in fact, gaining quickly in popularity. The name is Asher. I personally think it is The Very Best Boy Name. I feel like I might kick myself in five years if it turns out to be the next BraydenCadenJadenHaydenSmayden (only because my name is The Most Common Girl's Name Ever and I actually did begrudge that fact as a bratty child/adolescent/teen) and I have this weird (asinine) paranoia that every time I say it, I'm contributing to "spreading" it. But when he's born, I'm going to be saying it multiple times a day, so I better get over that quick. Everyone's replies were really helpful-- helping me realize why it feels so personal (right now it's "all he's got" hits the nail on the head) and pointing out that when he's outside my belly, his name is going to be far from his most identifying characteristic. So thanks for that! In any case, it is far from my "place" to tell another mama what she can name her son, who will be her son all her life, way after she forgets me!
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Dec 27, 2012 21:07
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sudont posted:And Rory is the best Doctor Who companion. I live in Ireland, so it's pretty common, but not as common as Sean, Patrick, Michael, or Daniel.. of which there are roughly 11 in my husbands generation alone if we're counting Dannys, Micks, Pats, Paddys, Mikes, or Mícheáls. I'm sure he'll meet plenty of other Rorys in his lifetime, but he'll be the only him, and that's good enough
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Dec 27, 2012 21:11
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I loved the name Asher. It was weird though, because when I checked it on the local vital statistics, it went from not on the radar to one of the most popular boys names for the last two years. Odd, because I can't think of anyone in popular culture that could have sparked the sudden popularity. I also have a lot of non-Jewish friends naming their kid Asher. Totally came out of nowhere, from what I can tell.
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Dec 27, 2012 21:45
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ButtonsForEyes posted:(only because my name is The Most Common Girl's Name Ever In my office of 30 there have been like 7 births in the last 4 years, but only two moms. I was pregnant at the same time as the other lady, and it was awful because it made her want to talk to me and I can't stand her (no one can). Now that I'm done breastfeeding I don't talk to her much at all, and it's nice.
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Dec 27, 2012 21:54
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nah.
Lullabee fucked around with this message at 23:51 on Mar 21, 2017 |
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Dec 27, 2012 22:00
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I'm at 37 weeks now, and I've had the bag packed for a couple of weeks already. We live about an hour and 20 minutes from the hospital, so it's nice to have all the stuff you'll need ready to go.
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Dec 27, 2012 22:14
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Lullabee posted:Question - when did you guys pack your hospital bags? DF is like 'WE NEED TO PACK AN OVERNIGHT BAGGGG' lately. However, being I'm only 33 weeks (34 on monday), I see no rush. We're less than 30 minutes from the hospital (given it's not rush hour), and the only things I'm concerned about bringing are the usual - clothes for everyone, pillow & blanket for DF, toiletries, our phone chargers, our entertainment (handheld games and tablets) and his camera & charger. Oh and socks and sandals for me. We've had a few nights spent in L&D already and throwing together the bag doesn't take long at all - I usually do it while he's getting ready - so I don't think we really need to rush/worry about it. I think he's just still convinced Collin's coming early and will be here within the next three weeks. I hadn't even thought about it until I looked at a table of due date ranges and realized that I'd reached the beginning of the chart and oh no there was an 0.2% chance I'd go into spontaneous labor by the end of the week  So I went out and bought a cheap backpack and started putting things in it. That was about 35 weeks, because the next day I went to the first of four childbirth classes, my husband helpfully circled all the things we didn't have or didn't have packed, and I said, hey, don't worry, there's only an 0.2% chance I'll go into spontaneous labor any time soon.  (It took me two more weeks to actually finish packing it, and then six days after that I did actually go into labor. We'd set aside pillows and blankets and ended up forgetting them in the rush to the car at 4am, but my husband just went home for them the next day.)
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Dec 27, 2012 22:22
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ButtonsForEyes posted:Thoughts? I feel bad for the company owner who is going to have four people out on maternity leave all at once! Or the coworkers who are going to be tiptoeing around four cranky women for the next few months. But yeah, I would chill. I was the only pregnant lady in an office full of middle-aged women and it got pretty old fast. As for the copycat, oh well. I don't think the name would have any less meaning for you if she used it too, and who knows, maybe she'll get sick of it and move on. Or I guess you could always lie and say you changed the name. I just found it easier to tell no one the name before the baby was born.
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Dec 27, 2012 22:40
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Asher's a lovely name. I don't see it often, but the -er ending is extremely popular for boys right now, and the name as a whole might be in the back of people's minds from childhood readings of The Giver. What is DF supposed to mean? We don't use cutesy acronyms here.
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Dec 27, 2012 22:42
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Ben Davis posted:What is DF supposed to mean? We don't use cutesy acronyms here. It sounds like something dirty.
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Dec 27, 2012 22:45
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nah.
Lullabee fucked around with this message at 23:54 on Mar 21, 2017 |
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Dec 27, 2012 22:47
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We considered Asher briefly and rejected it as being too popular 
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Dec 27, 2012 23:22
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Bah, you can be a unique and special snowflake no matter how common your name is. A first name should sound good with a last name and fit the family personality more than anything. The people who post on Nameberry are the worst about name crankiness. Funny thing is, a lot of them are years away from having kids but still they cry when their "favorite name ever" goes into the top 200 list. A lot of names are plenty unique, but they just don't sound right for the circumstances. That's why we don't know a ton of kids named Dolores, Zayna, Hugo, Musetta or Barnabus.
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Dec 27, 2012 23:58
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Lullabee posted:Question - when did you guys pack your hospital bags? DF is like 'WE NEED TO PACK AN OVERNIGHT BAGGGG' lately. However, being I'm only 33 weeks (34 on monday), I see no rush. We're less than 30 minutes from the hospital (given it's not rush hour), and the only things I'm concerned about bringing are the usual - clothes for everyone, pillow & blanket for the fiancé, toiletries, our phone chargers, our entertainment (handheld games and tablets) and his camera & charger. Oh and socks and sandals for me. We've had a few nights spent in L&D already and throwing together the bag doesn't take long at all - I usually do it while he's getting ready - so I don't think we really need to rush/worry about it. I think he's just still convinced Collin's coming early and will be here within the next three weeks. We had ours packed at like week 30, but that's largely due to my wife being an organization lunatic (something for which I'm very thankful, I should note). I'd recommend bringing some snacks along. Even good hospital food is still hospital food, and I'm sure that whatever you bring will be cheaper than the cafeteria. We loaded up on dried fruit, crackers, nuts, and some of our own tea and were pretty grateful to have that supply both during our day and a half induction and then the post-partum stay.
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Dec 28, 2012 00:21
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Lullabee posted:
I packed our bag after my water broke in the middle of the night. I was still using or wearing everything I wanted to take, so I just didn't pack it in advance. And I really took too much in the way of clothing. I spent most of my time with the hospital gown just laying over me, because he was nursing so much.
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Dec 28, 2012 00:39
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I think the last two baby boys I know of that were born both have the name Asher. I think it was the last two-- I know one for sure and I can't remember the second now. I've never heard it before a 6 weeks or so ago, and now I keep running into it everywhere!
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Dec 28, 2012 00:41
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Another boy name I love but am so on the fence about: Ciaran (or Kieran or Keiran) If I was a boy, that was going to be my name, and I was horrified as a kid because "that's a GIRL name!" and I thought I would've been teased my whole life. Kids will find something in any name to tease, so I dunno. I also feel like it doesn't lend itself to any nicknames if the kid doesn't like it.
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Dec 28, 2012 00:47
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He got home late last night, and I waited about 10-15 minutes before telling him everything. He was like "Really? Are you sure?" for around 5 minutes, but it went okay I think the highlight of our conversation was "I will teach my child to be like me, and our child will know the truth and the justice. He will be brainwashed to only listen to me, not you!!" (He is learning English right now, and the poo poo that comes out of his mouth 90% of the time sounds like he is narrating a movie. He speaks relatively normal in his native language. ) I'm so excited though!
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Dec 28, 2012 01:20
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