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Bad Munki posted:I know I should take her to a daycare, but I feel like that's giving up, and I don't want to trust a stranger with my defenseless child, and that poo poo is expensive besides, even if I can afford it just fine. I know those are dumb reasons, but they bother me deeply. You're going to need to put her in daycare sooner or later anyway if you are going to work full time. The older they get, the more work they become (with huge variations of course) , and 9 months is an age where the toddler stage looms closer and closer  Daycare isn't so bad. My son started when he was a year. Look at different ones, find one that you like and trust. My son loves playing with the other kids there.
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Jan 7, 2013 08:53
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Partial daycare seems like a great idea. It will give you somewhat of a break and also get her used to socializing and being away from the home. I was home with my mom for a while as a baby and when the time came to go to preschool I cried for days. Have you talked to your wife at all? What does she think? I am a firm believer that our children come first, of course, but we also need to take care of ourselves in order to be good parents, spouses (and probably employees).
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Jan 7, 2013 12:34
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Clip My Wings posted:Did anyone else get terribly sick early on in their pregnancy? I just tested on Saturday & found out I'm pregnant (right around 5 weeks). I've been sick since Thursday with a really bad cold and occasional low grade fever. I'm thinking I should head to the doctor tomorrow before work just to make sure that I'm ok. I do feel like I'm improving, but I'm just really anxious about being sick now. I spent the 1st 3 months of my 2nd pregnancy with a neverending cold: slight fever, pain all over, no voice, Niagara nose, a couple of days of break, repeat. Mentioned it to my doc, who said not to worry and I could take Tylenol. I am usually healthy, so colleagues were wondering if I had some immunity problem.
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Jan 7, 2013 14:42
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Chickalicious posted:What about doing part time day care? You could do a couple days a week and see how it goes. Working from home with an infant is madness and will only get nuttier as she gets more verbal and mobile. Or maybe hire a kid to come hang out at your house with her while you work for a few days a week. I bet a college student with some breaks in their schedule would jump on that. These are fantastic ideas. Bad Munki, of COURSE you're worn out. There's no shame at all in using daycare or childcare. You may have the idea that childcare is only for people who can't physically be home for their kids, but that's not the case. Even stay-at-home parents will use childcare for a mental health day or to get errands done more quickly or just to get out! Think of how much more necessary it is for you, working full-time. You'd be happier, more productive, and the time you spend with your child will be happier too. Kids love to meet new people and learn new things too!
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Jan 7, 2013 14:48
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Yeah, I know I need to just harden up and call a daycare or two, I just wish there was a better way. Admittedly, I hadn't thought about an in-home nanny, and I do like the idea, but I think a daycare would be better for me, and for Eve. She'll be reaching that point where socializing with other kids becomes more important soon, and she just won't get that hanging out at the house all day. There's a daycare just a couple minutes down the road from me, and it's on my wife's way to/from work, so I'm going to give them a call today to see if they have a waiting list for infants. I think mostly I just needed to vent out in the open so I could confront myself with the hard reality of the situation. On a side note, this is what we've been doing for the last month and a half instead of crawling: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncRaMfk0sug She's getting pretty quick at it, too, this was sort of a "leisurely drag." I wish there was some way I could actually show her how much more efficient crawling would be. She just straightens her legs out behind her any time she's on her tummy, though. I've been trying to help by having her sit in a kneeling position sometimes, which she is completely fine with, but I have no idea if it's helping. e: Gonna go check out option #1 at noon, called and they do have space available. At the very least, I could hear happy children in the background. I know this is going to work out, but geez, why is it so hard?! Bad Munki fucked around with this message at 16:10 on Jan 7, 2013 |
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Jan 7, 2013 16:01
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Bad Munki posted:Yeah, I know I need to just harden up and call a daycare or two, I just wish there was a better way. I think you see needing daycare as a failure or something, which is completely the wrong way to look at it. Working from home is a real time commitment, I don't know what you do obviously but my brother works from home and during that time he has the same issues that people working in offices do - deadlines etc, so he only works officially when his wife is off and at home with their daughter (they both work part time). And looking after a 9 month old is a real job as well. You can't take your eyes off them for a minute as it's the stage when they seem the most hung up on doing stuff that could conceivably kill them/cause huge bodily injury. Watching the video of your gorgeous daughter determinedly wiggling over to the pet bowls probably with the fiendish plan of pouring the water over her head is a pretty good example of the way they like to make our lives hard.
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Jan 7, 2013 16:11
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Bad Munki posted:
Leaving your kid(s) at daycare *is* hard. It is also a saver of sanity at times I cried the first times I left my kid at daycare. He cried and I felt terrible. But I feel completely confident that he's in good hands, and seeing him with the other kids is very sweet. He has a best friend and everything :3
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Jan 7, 2013 16:16
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Bad Munki posted:
Sometimes you just need to hear someone else confirm that you're doing something good for your kid! Kosta crawled like that for months and then out of the blue started crawling on all fours one day! We have hardwood too, and I think it's just easier and more fun for them to slide on it 
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Jan 7, 2013 16:17
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hookerbot 5000 posted:I think you see needing daycare as a failure or something, which is completely the wrong way to look at it. That may be part of it, but it goes a little further than that. See, I want to be a stay-at-home dad. I've wanted that for a long time, since long before we decided to start having kids. It's plausible in the long-run, too, because my wife will be making far more money than I could hope to, to the point where we'd only be taking, like, a 20% cut in income (if that) if I stopped working..."will be" being the key part there. Right NOW, though, my paycheck comprises roughly 60% of our income. With that in mind, I need to keep working, at least for the next few years. So it's not that I see daycare itself as a failure, I think it's more that I see starting daycare so I can keep my job as sort of "giving up" on what I really want to be doing. I think for our next couple (three total is the plan) I'll be able to do it, but I will never get that chance with our first, and that's what's really bugging me. :/ hookerbot 5000 posted:determinedly wiggling over to the pet bowls probably with the fiendish plan of pouring the water over her head
Bad Munki fucked around with this message at 16:48 on Jan 7, 2013 |
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Jan 7, 2013 16:46
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How much would a part time in home nanny cost if it was only 3 days a week 5 hours those days? I'm going to have to go back to work in a couple of weeks. Monday - Wednesday I'll be working at home after lunch until I get my hours for the day done. I never considered the possibility of having someone else watching him during those times in our house. My husband has mornings and thursday and friday off so we wouldn't need anyone full time. I'm trying to avoid putting him in daycare if I can especially so young. When he gets to be 18 months I was going to try and get him into a Montessori program.
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Jan 7, 2013 16:53
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According to my SUPER brief research as I laid in bed last night, anywhere from $5-$20 an hour depending on the specifics of the care being provided, how long, and the level of the caregiver's skills. I'd expect to pay in the middle-upper portion of that range unless you're just hiring a neighbor's kid to hang out at the house, as was suggested to me. Your local prices may vary, of course. I googled "nanny agency Erie PA" and had good luck finding a number of services. Again, my knowledge is just based on me googling around on my phone because I couldn't sleep.
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Jan 7, 2013 17:14
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That's actually more reasonable than I thought it would be. I live in North Carolina, not anywhere that has a super high cost of living. I'd feel more comfortable having a "stranger" watch him if I was home at the same time.
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Jan 7, 2013 17:17
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That was my thought, as well. If something does go awry, you're right there to swoop in and save the day. On the other hand, you're getting less of a break, because you'll still hear it every time the child coughs or hiccups or farts and you'll want to be checking in if you don't hear coughing or hiccuping or farting. Of course, that may be less of an issue if you and your partners schedules work out for it, which is sounds like they do, so some light-weight babysitting is all you necessarily need. In my case, my wife is working 12 hour days for two weeks at a time, then she gets two days off, and gets to do it all again, and again, and again, for roughly the next 3 months. 
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Jan 7, 2013 17:20
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I'm worried my job might make me do that sometime soon. I work in the video game industry and I know a big project is coming due in March. My mom would probably murder me if she found out I hired a nanny since she's offered over and over again to come watch him while I work. She'd have to live with us since she lives in NY and the thought of that fills me with a lot of anxiety. Edit: I'd be more willing to pay rent for my mom to live somewhere near us than have her live with us.
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Jan 7, 2013 17:28
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The difference is, you can fire a nanny if it's not working out. That's clutch, in my opinion. Also, the nanny goes home when the shift is over. Also key.
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Jan 7, 2013 17:29
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Just do the daycare. If the baby is still in the house you'll want to run over every time something bad happens and it will undermine the nanny as well. Right around 9-10 months Chris got super interested in playing with other kids. I would take him in to the play area at the mall and he would have a blast. He also learned some things from the other kids that he just can't really learn from his parents, like freaking out (in a good way) when he was having fun. So I would say 9 months would be a good time to go to day care. Also, Chris crawled exactly like that for about 1 1/2 months before crawling on all fours. Once he was on all fours then he was going, going, going. You will get no work done then.
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Jan 7, 2013 18:14
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Well, for us, we definitely will be doing daycare. I just got back from the place, and it looks good. There's one slot in the room she needs, and while she'll probably be graduating out of there fairly soon, the room she's going into has one kid about to graduate into the next, so she can really just get injected into the flow there. I like the place. Lots of staff, everyone's friendly, good clean facilities. Plus, they can take her basically as soon as we can get the paperwork together. Having been there now, I feel a lot better about this. I already knew it would work out, but now I feel like it'll work out. Thanks, all. 
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Jan 7, 2013 18:33
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30 weeks today, packed my hospital bag (for the most part; stuff I know I'd forget), and suddenly very anxious of labor. I guess scared that I won't be able to handle the pain, and I feel completely and utterly unprepared for any of this. I wasn't expecting the pregnancy to go this QUICKLY! I mean.. surely it's not going to be as bad as all that, right? I'm honestly really scared.
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Jan 7, 2013 19:42
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Dandy Shrew posted:30 weeks today, packed my hospital bag (for the most part; stuff I know I'd forget), and suddenly very anxious of labor. I guess scared that I won't be able to handle the pain, and I feel completely and utterly unprepared for any of this. I wasn't expecting the pregnancy to go this QUICKLY! I mean.. surely it's not going to be as bad as all that, right? It helped me to focus on the fact that the pain would not kill me. No matter how bad it got, it couldn't last forever. It was going to be about a day of pain and then it would be over. Did you read any books about pain management? Have you discussed it with your doctor or midwife? Knowing all of your options might make you feel more prepared.
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Jan 7, 2013 20:08
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nah.
Lullabee fucked around with this message at 23:54 on Mar 21, 2017 |
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Jan 7, 2013 20:53
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Ok, I want to start by saying I'm fully aware that I sound like a mostly crazy person, but I'm going to ask anyway. My husband and I are going to be traveling by trainfro Chicago to Las Vegas to attend my sisters wedding. That puts me at 19-20 weeks pregnant. Now I am wondering if for whatever reason the train is really bumpy it can cause any sorts of issues. Anything to worry about as far as issues that an overly bumpy ride might cause. The trip is 30ish hours one way.
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Jan 7, 2013 21:04
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Dandy Shrew posted:30 weeks today, packed my hospital bag (for the most part; stuff I know I'd forget), and suddenly very anxious of labor. I guess scared that I won't be able to handle the pain, and I feel completely and utterly unprepared for any of this. I wasn't expecting the pregnancy to go this QUICKLY! I mean.. surely it's not going to be as bad as all that, right?  That feel bro. I am terrified of labor/giving birth. I just tell myself that it is going to be great to jacked on that epidural and that with how tough my pregnancy has been, that the birth will be a breeze in comparison. Hopefully your little one is like mine and wants to get the gently caress out asap, making it go by quickly for you.
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Jan 7, 2013 21:22
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sheri posted:Ok, I want to start by saying I'm fully aware that I sound like a mostly crazy person, but I'm going to ask anyway. I don't think you have much to worry about, other than maybe the jiggling of the train causing you to feel like you need to pee more frequently. However, if it makes you feel any better, get a memory-foam pillow and sit on that during the trip. I started having regular contractions around 34 weeks, and was put on bedrest. If I rode in the car, the road bumps would increase the contractions, but sitting on some memory foam worked as a bit of a shock-absorber. Sounds silly, but it helped.
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Jan 7, 2013 21:26
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Also remember that no matter how horrendous the birth experience is (and I will always remember mine as being pretty drat awful!) it pales into insignificance once you're holding your baby, and it's totally worth it.
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Jan 7, 2013 21:26
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Dandy Shrew posted:30 weeks today, packed my hospital bag (for the most part; stuff I know I'd forget), and suddenly very anxious of labor. I guess scared that I won't be able to handle the pain, and I feel completely and utterly unprepared for any of this. I wasn't expecting the pregnancy to go this QUICKLY! I mean.. surely it's not going to be as bad as all that, right? It's different for everyone, but not gonna lie, for most people it hurts like whoa. But for me, the worst part was not the pain, it was the fear and the unknown-ness. If I were to give myself from back then some advice, it would be these three things: 1) read up on what labor entails, and how it typically progresses 2) communicate with your midwife/doctor on what you need 3) what dreamkatcherkwe said. Every contraction, once it's over, is never coming back. There's a finite amount of them and you're getting closer and closer to the end for each one.
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Jan 7, 2013 22:18
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sheri posted:Ok, I want to start by saying I'm fully aware that I sound like a mostly crazy person, but I'm going to ask anyway. I did not travel by train while pregnant, but I have traveled by train, and it's not really "bumpy" like a truck or bus, but more of a "rocking" if that makes sense? You still get jostled about, but I wouldn't be too concerned about any issues. Make sure to bring lots to do, and snacks, and try to find a comfortable way to sit/lie down!
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Jan 7, 2013 22:29
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The thing that helped me most during labour was knowing that it was pain with a purpose. It's not like breaking your leg or something which just hurts - there's a reason for this pain, it will end, and there's a pretty awesome prize you get at the end of it. Plus I remember the last four weeks of pregnancy (so uncomfortable!) as worse than 30 hours of labour.
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Jan 7, 2013 22:29
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sheri posted:Ok, I want to start by saying I'm fully aware that I sound like a mostly crazy person, but I'm going to ask anyway. Don't worry about it. I've taken a train to and from work every day for almost my entire pregnancy. It would take ridiculous amounts of bumpiness to actually be unsafe. Like, rollercoaster bumpy, and I don't think any trains get that bumpy
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Jan 7, 2013 22:31
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Bad Munki posted:Well, for us, we definitely will be doing daycare. I just got back from the place, and it looks good. There's one slot in the room she needs, and while she'll probably be graduating out of there fairly soon, the room she's going into has one kid about to graduate into the next, so she can really just get injected into the flow there. I like the place. Lots of staff, everyone's friendly, good clean facilities. Plus, they can take her basically as soon as we can get the paperwork together. Having been there now, I feel a lot better about this. I already knew it would work out, but now I feel like it'll work out. Both my kids started daycare at 3 months when my maternity leave ended. It's really expensive, and people have asked why I don't just work from home with the kids there. It's really hard to get anything done even if my husband is here. It's still hard to have them in daycare even if it's been years now. At lunch I drive past it on my way home and back, and feel bad that I'm not with my kids. But they seem to be doing well and get lots of socializing, plus they each get to do things appropriate for their age while it's harder at home because the 1.5 year old isn't old enough for everything the 3.5 year old wants to do, and there's a lot of whining and frustration from both of them. Plus the center has a lot of fun things going on, and the oldest can pretty much read thanks to a phonics class she's in. Even if I could afford to quit and stay at home with them, I'd probably try to work at least part time so they can go a couple days a week.
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Jan 7, 2013 22:31
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Eve is officially signed up for daycare. If I can get the health report form back from her doctor tomorrow morning, I'll drop her off and make it her first day. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted. I feel sorta guilty being so happy that I'm offloading my daughter, but I can recognize that it's not happiness that I'm getting rid of her, but instead relief that my life will have a chance to be sane again, which will lead to a better experience for me and her. Plus, I think she'll really enjoy staring (and drooling) at all the new sights to see, the different people, and the other babies. Good things all around!
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Jan 7, 2013 22:31
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How many of you did the epidural? I was planning on just using the oxygen and trying to go natural, because the only way I can effectively deal with pain is to be able to move around, but keeping options open. I'm not even sure exactly WHAT I'm scared of, just general birthing anxiety, I suppose. Thank you all, though, for your level headed responses
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Jan 7, 2013 22:34
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My wife did an epidural. She hadn't completely made her mind up on it, and then decided to, and everything was peachy.
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Jan 7, 2013 22:46
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Birth is a long way off yet, but I've been terrified off it since long before I got pregnant. I'm not scared of the pain of contractions or that part of the process, but I'm scared shitless that I'll tear horribly and end up with some sort of lasting damage  I regularly get small tears from perfectly normal sex, so I'm horrified about what a whole baby will do to my poor ladyparts. The rest of the pain I'm relying on delicious hormones to wash away immediately after baby is out. Oh, and thank you all for the reassuring words about my weird tender uterus. It's on and off tender now, but no increase in pain, no cramping and no blood or anything remotely concerning, so I'm just chalking it up to another part of the new normal.
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Jan 7, 2013 22:46
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Dandy Shrew posted:How many of you did the epidural? I was planning on just using the oxygen and trying to go natural, because the only way I can effectively deal with pain is to be able to move around, but keeping options open. I'm not even sure exactly WHAT I'm scared of, just general birthing anxiety, I suppose. Thank you all, though, for your level headed responses
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Jan 7, 2013 22:54
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I would have got an epidural last time but the midwives didnt believe I was in labour and only bothered checking my cervix when I started screaming that I needed to push (10 minutes before he was born). They did give me 2 paracetamol though. I am still a little bit bitter, and the only way I'll be going back there is if they drug me before I get in the door.
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Jan 7, 2013 22:58
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Dandy Shrew posted:30 weeks today, packed my hospital bag (for the most part; stuff I know I'd forget), and suddenly very anxious of labor. I guess scared that I won't be able to handle the pain, and I feel completely and utterly unprepared for any of this. I wasn't expecting the pregnancy to go this QUICKLY! I mean.. surely it's not going to be as bad as all that, right? Let me tell you that I do not tolerate pain well. I was terrified of the pain and got so paranoid that I even worried about dying during birth. And... I made it through! And it was back labor, yeouch. I didn't prepare myself in any way, just went with the flow. You find your coping techniques and before you know it, it's time to push. Pushing is awesome. It's exhausting but feels so much better and you know that you're almost done. My labor was only 12 hours and went by pretty quickly. I won't say it was a breeze but you'll be fine. And you will have a whole new respect for your body. I'm a very petite woman and I pushed out a 9lb baby. It's amazing what we can do.
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Jan 7, 2013 22:58
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I've gone through it both ways and I couldn't even say how I would do it if I had to go through labor again. There's pros and cons on both sides. I was induced both times with pitocin because some health concerns. Unmedicated, it would really more manageable than I expected and the only period of it I regretted was during transition. Transition really was horrible. But on the up side, no side effects for me or my baby, and I was on my feet in no time at all. Medicated, labor was a lot easier to get through including transition. However, when I was crowning it was way more painful. I don't know if that's because I had a bigger 2nd baby or not because one thing I've read (after the fact) is that you don't produce as many endorphins when you have an epidural and the description sounds a lot like what I went through. Lots and LOTS of pain at crowning. But since it was my second kid I was only pushing a short time. Recovery was a little slower but maybe like 12 hours slower, not really enough to matter. Mostly I'm glad I'm through having babies.
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Jan 7, 2013 23:10
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Sockmuppet posted:Birth is a long way off yet, but I've been terrified off it since long before I got pregnant. I'm not scared of the pain of contractions or that part of the process, but I'm scared shitless that I'll tear horribly and end up with some sort of lasting damage Sorry just saw this. I had a big baby and had a third degree tear. The nurse used olive oil as a lubricant during the pushing but the baby got her shoulder stuck on the way out and I imagine that might have been when the most damage was done. I didn't feel it at the time, or the stitches. I was very sore for about 2-3 weeks but it was manageable (going to the bathroom was scary though). By week 4 I felt ok and by week 6 I was 99% healed. I'm week 7 now, no pain and all cleared for sex and exercise.
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Jan 7, 2013 23:16
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Sockmuppet posted:Birth is a long way off yet, but I've been terrified off it since long before I got pregnant. I'm not scared of the pain of contractions or that part of the process, but I'm scared shitless that I'll tear horribly and end up with some sort of lasting damage I'm in the same boat and also get small tears from sex too, so yeah I'm pretty frightened of having a baby come out of there! I just keep reminding myself how awesome drugs are, and also how awesome it is going to be to hold that baby in my arms once it's over. 
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Jan 8, 2013 00:30
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I had an epidural even though I had planned to go all natural. I'm still sort of mad about the situation because I was bullied by my doctor and nurse to do things I wasn't comfortable doing / didn't want to do. It turned out alright in the end since I had a healthy baby. I was suffering and I was happy I got it. I don't think I would have been able to push at the end if it wasn't for it. I had 2 deg. tears, but it never really bothered me that much. When he was crowning it felt like an intense burning sensation around my opening. I pushed him out pretty fast as soon as I got the sensation to push so I didn't really have time to stretch any skin. The lovely doctor was threatening an unnecessary c section if he didn't come out soon. I just couldn't spread my legs wide for a couple of weeks (like to squat down). They gave me a can of Dermoplast and that was amazing stuff. Its a numbing spray. That might be why I didn't have any issues with pain. I'd just spray it on after I went to the bathroom and it was all good. I'm 6 weeks now and I feel completely back to normal. Edit: The part that scared me the most was getting a needle in the spine. When the time came, it wasn't even that scary. I had a really good person put it in. He managed to get it in pretty painlessly the first try while I was having the worst contractions imaginable. Its not that scary if you really need it!
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Jan 8, 2013 01:04
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