|
areyoucontagious posted:So I went and checked out Versed, by Rae Armantrout, to try and expand my poetic experience, and I don't loving get any of it, which makes me feel stupid and uneducated. Is there an accessible poet of the last 20-30 years you'd recommend, or should I just keep pushing through Versed? It can be a hell of a contentious issue, and it really comes down to personal taste. I've read novels and my reaction was basically, "What the gently caress it this poo poo?," but you know what, someone wrote it, someone took it and believed in it enough to publish it, and people bought it. But to me, it is loving terrible. I've submitted stuff to magazines, and this has actually happened, and have gotten a critique that basically says, "This is garbage," in a polite way, and the magazine down the street from them publishes it and invites me to participate in a public reading. Different readers want different things. Hell, I've also written stuff no one loving likes. Take for example, Twinkle Cave's critique of my poem. Now I don't consider myself a poet by any means, but his main critique seems to be that the poem was a shallow rhyming picture poem. The thing is, that's probably what most of the general public expects when they read poetry, but it's not what Twinkle Cave wanted, and I would wager there are a lot of people in this thread that would agree with him. Does that invalidate someone's opinion if they like the poem I wrote? Of course it doesn't. You're allowed to like or hate whatever the gently caress you want.This poem is nothing but rhyming couplets and it's considered a classic where I live. It's a crapshoot. You are allowed to read Rae Armantrout's poetry and think it's self-masturbatory dogshit. I'm sure lots of people do, but that doesn't mean it isn't a prime example of good poetry to someone else. There are a bajillion different audiences out there.
|
#
?
Jan 14, 2013 22:36
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 19, 2024 01:31 |
|
|
Great Horny Toads! posted:So, is the word "oval office" ever-changing, or is it a oval office made of words? Do the words change, or the oval office? Is it a talking oval office? A 365-day calendar oval office with, like, a different word and definition every day? A domer asked Martello, "What is the meaning and purpose behind your usage of the word oval office?" Martello replied, "A 120-pound goblet squat."
|
|
#
?
Jan 14, 2013 22:38
|
|
|
It's an eye rhyme with the f and b couplets to give the thing a sense of gentle rounding off and a continuation of cycles.  (I hate heroic couplets; they feel really cheesy) but I probably had that coming. Hail budgieinspector. I doff my hat you.
|
|
#
?
Jan 14, 2013 22:51
|
|
|
Zack_Gochuck posted:You are allowed to read Rae Armantrout's poetry and think it's self-masturbatory dogshit. I'm sure lots of people do, but that doesn't mean it isn't a prime example of good poetry to someone else. There are a bajillion different audiences out there. But that's my point- what if I can't appreciate it due to my ignorance of what constitutes good poetry?
|
|
#
?
Jan 14, 2013 22:51
|
|
|
ATTN poetry nerds: We hope you are enjoying your time in the Thunderdome and have enjoyed the 24/7 buffet of the blood of your enemies. However, it has come to our attention that some of you are carrying on a conversation that would be better suited to the following fine thread: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3527106 Please feel free to get your rear end in there to discuss poetry in more detail than specifically mocking another participant. Thanks, MGMT
|
|
#
?
Jan 14, 2013 22:59
|
|
|
SurreptitiousMuffin posted:It's an eye rhyme with the f and b couplets to give the thing a sense of gentle rounding off and a continuation of cycles. CLEVERCLOGS. The challenge is to take that and make it not cheesy. Good fight. Holy poo poo after this that's it from me for judging for a while. I SHALL WRITE WORDS NOT RIGHT THEM FOR A TIME sebmojo fucked around with this message at 23:08 on Jan 14, 2013 |
|
#
?
Jan 14, 2013 23:02
|
|
|
Erik Shawn-Bohner posted:ATTN poetry nerds: Already did, motherfucker  Sorry to clog up the 'Dome with bullshit 
|
|
#
?
Jan 14, 2013 23:03
|
|
|
areyoucontagious posted:So I went and checked out Versed, by Rae Armantrout, to try and expand my poetic experience, and I don't loving get any of it, which makes me feel stupid and uneducated. Is there an accessible poet of the last 20-30 years you'd recommend, or should I just keep pushing through Versed? If you don't like it throw it down. You could read Bukowski but the last time I did that I circled Dallas 2 times with a 1/2 gallon of vodka and woke up on the beach in Biloxi. Ummm, those Best of Poetry whatever year are pretty good for skipping around in until you find something that looks like something you'd care to read. That is if your determined... my real recommendation is that poetry is a hex, stick to awesome fiction.
|
|
#
?
Jan 14, 2013 23:09
|
|
|
toanoradian posted:Twice now did the prompt and challenge defeated me. I liked this, but I think it would have been almost better to go full bore satire with it. I sort of get this image of a guy, especially when he drops the f-bomb, who is totally exasperated with all the mythology surrounding his career. A blue-collar worker who's just trying to do his job. I don't understand a lot of the line breaks, though. They seem really arbitrary. For example: quote:No, there aren’t any games Why is there a line break between "Games" and "Miracles?" Like, it's not the end of a sentence. There's no thematic change, end of a clause, or meter or rhyme, etc. It doesn't feel like separating miracles and second chances from games really sets anything apart or brings anything thematic to the forefront. It doesn't mean much by itself or draw my eyes to it specifically. I feel like setting a word like "lifeless" apart from the words before and after, and putting lifeless out there by itself, would be more effective. It seems like there's only a line break there because you wanted one to fulfill your flash rule. I dunno line breaks like that just feel really prosey to me. Poetry is not exactly my forte, so I don't have much else to say. But yeah, I thought it was alright. Zack_Gochuck fucked around with this message at 23:45 on Jan 14, 2013 |
|
#
?
Jan 14, 2013 23:43
|
|
|
 THUNDERDOME XXIII JUDGMENTPrompt: Poetry, death (but not morbid), flash rules assigned by Stan the Gibbering Mouther Jesus, cleanup on aisle poetry some useless bunch of fumbleclucks just shat all over it. Seriously it is like four feet deep there are bits of corn beavers sharp-toothed watch escapements, and I don't know what else. That said, despite the blizzard of insane flash rules it gave me grim pleasure to see combatants just cranking out whatever it was in them to crank. This is thunderdome, not a trade school. Only a fool thinks they have nothing left to learn. Breaking surface of the bubbling shitpool this week were Sitting Here, twinkle cave, Surreptitious Muffin and budgieinspector. They wrote with grace and fire. Let them be recognised. Of these, twinkle cave is victor, beating budgieinspector by a hair. His piece was morbid as gently caress but he didn't care. He now squats atop the slick pole that leads to the judgethrones. He is grinning like a fox eating poo poo off a wire brush. Swimming far far below in the foetid roiling darkness is this week's loser, Your Sledgehammer clutching to his soiled bosom a piece of stupefying triteness. The first rule of the Thunderdome, Your Sledgehammer? That first rule is write good words. Benagain and Bad Seafood will be along soon to expand on why you are all terrible. Judges for next week are twinkle cave, budgieinspector and Surreptitious Muffin, plus a secret judge who will make their presence known. Fight well.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 02:15
|
|
|
Can we do away with this clusterfuck of flash rules? Thunderdome thread seems really bloated, with a ton of noise and not a lot of signal. I think streamlining would help out the thread significantly. edit: also, I know it's been said before, but jesus christ stop defending your piece. It doesn't matter if someone rips it to shreds, it's gonna happen to everyone here. This back and forth is obnoxious and just adds to the clutter.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 02:35
|
|
|
Noah posted:edit: also, I know it's been said before, but jesus christ stop defending your piece. It doesn't matter if someone rips it to shreds, it's gonna happen to everyone here. This back and forth is obnoxious and just adds to the clutter. 
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 02:45
|
|
|
Noah posted:Can we do away with this clusterfuck of flash rules? Thunderdome thread seems really bloated, with a ton of noise and not a lot of signal. I think streamlining would help out the thread significantly. Yeah, I can't speak for the next judges, but I expect daisy-chained flash rules were a one and done. But it seems to me bloat came from 1) flash rules 2) thunderbrawls 3) random discussion about stresses and poo poo 4) defensiveness 5) new thread eagers 6) crits 7) thank yous and defensiveness for those crits Flash rules and brawls are okay in moderation (one round only, no three rounders), crits are great, random chat and thank you's/defensiveness are bullshit.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 03:00
|
|
|
Can I just sign up for the next one regardless of what the prompt is (or how terrifying) because I haven't been making good use of this account at all. Not even close to enough Thunderdome in my life and/or post history.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 03:19
|
|
|
sebmojo posted:Judges for next week are twinkle cave, budgieinspector and Surreptitious Muffin, plus a secret judge who will make their presence known. twinkle cave to the black courtesy phone. Or, y'know, message Muffin and me.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 03:20
|
|
|
SC Bracer posted:Can I just sign up for the next one regardless of what the prompt is (or how terrifying) because I haven't been making good use of this account at all. Not even close to enough Thunderdome in my life and/or post history. gently caress yeah you can. Welcome back. Noah posted:edit: also, I know it's been said before, but jesus christ stop defending your piece. It doesn't matter if someone rips it to shreds, it's gonna happen to everyone here. This back and forth is obnoxious and just adds to the clutter. Quoted fo mothafuckin TRUTH Like I said last week or whatever, fuckin write and crit and shitpost, stop careposting and talking about stresses and whether a penis dipped in horseshit is descriptivist or Lutheran or whatever the gently caress. I'm going black on comms for six or so days, and if I come back and this type of assfuckery is still going on, some weird loving flash rules will be coming down on the guilty. 
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 03:27
|
|
|
Alright, Capntastic, here we go. I don't know much about poetry, but I at least do know what iambic pentameter is, and you have my sympathies for having to put up with it. Let's dive in and see if I can't at least offer something resembling a good critique for you. Comments are in bold. Capntastic posted:Didn't hit the word count but didn't feel like forcing fetid puke out of my brain just to lengthen a poem. Fair enough. Overall, I see the message of the poem and I think it does a good job of presenting that message, even if it does drop a bit of the subtlety at the end. The descriptions of Wound Man do a good job of creating a grotesque image in the mind, and that's good. Good enough that I really think you may've been able to cut out that final stanza entirely, to be honest. It seems to exist only to serve as an explanation for what I just read. Not necessarily a bad thing, just a nitpick I suppose. You slip up on iambic pentameter a few times ("is his" "which lets"). I'm...not really sure what else to say, though. Like I said, I don't really know much about poetry, so I'm kinda taking this at face value and seeing what works. I will say that I think you've got something really good here, but a little more work may be needed to make it really shine. Reworking the final stanza is a must, for sure. That's all I've got, really. I hope you got something useful out of it, and I apologize that I cannot be more critical. I just don't want to give you advice on something that I am not very knowledgeable about. I'm certain one of the judges will offer more sound advice. Cheers!
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 03:27
|
|
|
What is this carbs bullshit? Aren't you fat enough?
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 05:19
|
|
|
Noah posted:What is this carbs bullshit? Aren't you fat enough? This new thread is as clogged with milquetoast crits and defensiveness as my veins are with cholesterol and whiskey.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 05:24
|
|
|
I'm in for the next prompt. Make it good. Edit: just a heads up, there's a good chance I'll need to submit really early due to scheduling. So if this ends up being really involved I will curse your name! Etherwind fucked around with this message at 17:15 on Jan 15, 2013 |
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 05:28
|
|
|
BlackFrost posted:Mountain Climber I also don't know poetry for poo poo, so I'll just give my general impressions. The tone seems really distant, and I'm not picking up a lot of texture or vibrant detail from this. I'm not sure how much of this was intentional, given the subject matter and your compositional constraints. It all seems sort of watery and empty. I can kind of dig it on the level of someone hyperventilating with their mind racing and generally being neurotic as gently caress, but I'd really love to have some more flavorful images to luxuriate in. But either way, yeah, a solid and honest attempt at working with "Poetry".
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 05:43
|
|
|
Since I can't quote from the locked thread, here's my late-as-gently caress crit for last week's deal, SWAZILOOswaziloo posted:Sus Scrofa (967 words) I liked it, it has a solid mix of the sort of details that make a story fun to read (cultural bits the read might not be familiar with, the relateable sensation of the protagonist getting hit in the face with leaves, etc.) I don't know if this counts as "lacking importance" since it seems like the sort of story that might end up in a memoir or something, but one could easily argue that getting dinner ain't poo poo for one person while it's a cool experience for someone else. Either way, there's a thread of clarity and honesty through it that carries it somewhere good, I think.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 05:51
|
|
|
Okay, it can't be as bad as all th--Your Sledgehammer posted:The Long Grass  Dude. Just... dude. I don't know where to start. You told a story; I can say that much. A Thing Happened. It had consequences. Let's talk about rhyme. By rhyming, you make the end of each line a destination. Readers want the journey down the line to be smooth and exciting, and the destination to be the stuff dreams are made of. Take them on a pleasant enough journey, and most of them will forgive a ho-hum destination. But when you point them toward a hastily-laid road riddled with deep potholes covered by twigs and gravel, flanked on either side by high stone walls that look ready to fall down, it doesn't matter what the destination is, anymore--they won't want to go with you. Your first job is to make the line feel natural and scan well. This: For soon, too, I shall die. ...doesn't. It's the imposition of the "too". It's the faux-stoic tone. It's the scream of, "Look! This is dramatic!" It's the fact that you blurted this out in the first stanza of a death poem. But most of all, it's the fact that after "eye" and "cry", you chose "die". A trio of three-letter words for one of the most common vowel sounds in the language, and you didn't even have to work around any pesky consonants. The journey was tortured; the destination, unforgivably boring. Meter / Momentum: Your meter is all over the place. At points, it seems like you're trying one out, but then you abandon it. So I have to assume that you weren't really going for anything particular in that department--which is fine. So long as the piece has some kind of internal momentum. It doesn't have to be a luge track, slick and speedy all the way to the end. You can stop, slow down, speed up--if you have a reason. What you can't do is clunk along for a bit, then add extra clunk: Teeth, claws, and blood; my memory expunged Howls from us both as over the side we plunged. ...is clunky as gently caress. Also, "expunged" has a lyrical value of, like, negative-eleventy. Teeth, claws, and blood; my memory expunged \ \ - \ - \-- -\ Howls from us both as over the side we plunged. \ - - \ - -- - - - \ DUM-DUM-da-DUM; da-DUM-da-da-da-DUM DUM-da-da-DUM da-da-da-da-da-da-DUM Stressed syllables slow us down, chains of unstressed syllables speed us up. Set up a rhythm ("DUM-da-da, DUM-da-da, DUM-da-da-DUM") and it's a breeze to read along. It's like dancing through the line. Ignore rhythm and your readers trip over their feet. Tone and Character: This was the one thing that your prompt foisted on you; you had to write it in first-person. Who's your guy? He's a hunter. He's hunting big game with a bow and arrow, which tells me he's either technologically primitive or loving nuts. He's hunting a tiger with a bow and arrow. Tigers not being known for the succulence of their meat, he's either starvation-desperate, trying to protect his people/livestock from a predator, or trophy-hunting. You want to make it sound like the latter. I don't necessarily buy it, but okay. So, this mighty trophy-hunter is alone in tiger-infested lands with his stone-age technology. He fucks up, he and the tiger go over a cliff, and as he lays dying... He has an epiphany about how wrong he's been to spend his life killing animals. And he invokes evolution. And he talks about zoos. Which means that he's not some provincial tribal big-shot hunting dangerous beasts at some point before the invention of firearms. He's got at least some book-learnin' and lives in a time after zoos graduate from being private royal menageries. Which makes me wonder: * Why doesn't he have a gun? * Why is he hunting alone, if he has all this status? * What the hell sort of person gets knocked off a cliff by a tiger and, in his last moments, pontificates on how nice it would be if man could just peacefully coexist with nature? Wrapping Up: You have to give the reader something to mull over. humans would never have the power they craved Really? Again, your guy's dying, and his last thought is "Take that, humans! You'll never truly rule the Earth!"? What a preachy little fucker this glorious hunter turned out to be. Doesn't he have, like, a wife, kids, a sled--anything else to think about, aside from this sudden radical justice-for-the-animals conversion? Is that the idea you want readers to take away; that if your fictional and unlikely trophy hunter can repent his life of slaughter, they can at least eat a Gardenburger once in a while for the sake of ecological balance?
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 08:13
|
|
|
Noah posted:What is this carbs bullshit? Aren't you fat enough?
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 08:20
|
|
|
"If you are using dialogue, say it aloud as you write it. Only then will it have the sound of speech." - John Steinbeck This Concludes My Crit is what I'd like to say. Let it sink in, stew for a bit, I've got a plane to catch anyway. But you guys have been real troopers and probably deserve a little more, so allow me to pontificate because I'm pretty sure that's a word Erik hates. Read a lot of poems this week. Even liked a couple. Muffin made a strong showing, of course, and Budgie. Great imagery, you two; a real sense of intimacy and melancholy. Great stuff. STONE OF MADNESS, you weren't among Honorable Mentions but your poem made me smile, and for that you get all caps. However. There was one thing in particular that a lot of you tripped up on, including you Budgie just a little bit, and that would be flow. The flow of your piece, the sound, the rhythm. Poetry is when you get right down to it playing with words. It's music without instruments, a song of pure language. A song that sometimes isn't even a song. Like human speech. When judging your pieces I read them aloud, and for about half found it difficult. I couldn't say how many of you spoke while you wrote, but I'd wager it wasn't many. A couple of you were strung along by your flash rules, but it's apparent at a glance who tried and who didn't, and who almost tried but didn't quite get it. The next time your stuck with a poetry prompt, read each line aloud as its own separate thing. Listen to yourself you'll have something comfortably. In conclusion, Swaziloo your posts are pretty okay but next time you throw a thesaurus at me try to say something with it. Now if anybody hates me I'll be freezing to death in Minnesota.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 13:23
|
|
|
This poem has a limited audience, of which I am a member, so, "Yay! A poem for me!"STONE OF MADNESS posted:The Ballad of the Challenger
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 18:54
|
|
|
Hi!Bad Seafood posted:Submissions are closed. I hang my head in shame. Stuff caught up with me and I ran out of time (should have known better than to sign up for a poetry round during exam week...). Fortunately, my schedule is literally completely empty from now til the 28th of January! Who needs a social life when you have the Thunderdome!  Let's see if I can improve my track record with this week.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2013 21:36
|
|
|
 Round II ResultsWhat you're writing: A letter. Yes you will be writing this prompt in the form of a single page letter to someone. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epistle will give you all the definition you need and some cool history to note. Prompt:"A scratching post, a picnic bench, and someone's grandmother." Benagain: You wrote a fairly modernish letter in a standard email speak. I like that you were able to use a story arc within your letter and overall had a very consistent voice. It was a very lovely letter that I can see existing in the real world without much trouble. I did find that you were very loose with your prose which may have created a letter that was a bit too casual for its purposes. Noah: You incorporated one story arc into the meat of your letter and stuck with it. You did a very interesting thing in that you created a very complex set of interactions and characters with very few words. Is the father holding his grandmother captive, or is he a victim of circumstance? Why is grandma trying to get away? why is Dad so nonchalant about grandma burrowing her way through the walls? You raised so many good questions with the characters in your story and used the element of mystery very well. Final Ruling: This round goes to Noah and with it the Thunderbrawl. He created three characters with a tight economy of words and no direct way for them to do anything in the letter format. It's hard to do that so props to you. You may wear your balls around your neck now and display them for all to see. You both did excellent! I hope to see more stuff from you two in the future. As promised Noah. Here is my 
HiddenGecko fucked around with this message at 00:15 on Jan 16, 2013 |
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2013 00:11
|
|
|
Fanky Malloons posted:Alright, this poem is bumming me the gently caress out, And well it might. I'm afraid my crit isn't going to be that detailed because I haven't found enough time to organise my thoughts, and I'm not sure many of my judgements are fair and accurate. So find yourself a salt-shaker, and get ready to pinch. Emotive power. Well, I'm pretty bummed out too. You've happened to take death at its most unvarnished, most common, and most relatable. It's quite easy to laugh of a cthonoic horror piece, not so much this. Depending on your definition of morbidity, you might have failed the prompt but for the last three lines, but if this week's taught us anything it's that sometimes, good writing comes first. This is some of it. Language. We could all have done with avoiding the word death. It reminds of that Louis CK bit, "using the phrase 'the n-word' is much worse, because you've made me say it to myself". I was drunk at your funeral is a hammer-blow that immediately lets us know what's going on, through out own small deduction. The language is very straight, and gives us a great sense of place, as it does in the final stanza. It's some of the stuff in the middle that catches me out, because I can't be sure it's the same poetic voice - a widowhood of the soul is jarringly high-faluting and anti-prosaic. The next line delivers the same effect (a new way of thinking of the moment, that disturbs us a little), but far more directly. Content. What's going on in this piece? Essentially, we're poring over the small details that make up a mourning. This is at its very best when it's something unconsidered, and weakens slightly in the second stanza - it feels all too familiar in a piece packed with unexpected moments. This is a good point to give a nod to the title, though. There's been a mini-trend towards obtuse titles in the dome which is all well and good as long as they throw light on the piece. "Every Day After" is pretty standard, but it frames everything perfectly. Metre. A debatable category since it's blank verse, but with BV a control of rhythm is arguably even more important. The last three lines are perfect, forcing the reader to bring things to a gentle close. bring / Brings is the king of these for me, perfectly articulating that sense shock as we realise a noise has become a signal, and conveying meaning and (geez) getting some healthy onomatopoeia in there. The drip enjambment is a chilling accompaniment. Other lines feel like they've been a bit arbitrarily spaced, but it's blank verse and you can't win 'em all. Look, I'm afraid I can't give you a great crit here so I'll just say something broad; this works best when the images are things we haven't seen before, when the language matches the voice established from the outset (and isn't seduced by "poetry"), and when the formatting lets particularly horrific images unfurl themselves across a line break, rather than being too jarring. This is all an aside to the main point: the subject matter is harsh, the structure used to express it raw, and it works. I'm not surprised you stopped there. I couldn't have made it any further.
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2013 00:56
|
|
|
1a)Been away from the 'dome mostly, sorry about that I know everyone was fretting of course. 1b)I am In for the next round 2)Hidden Gecko I will have your crit in a bit 3a)Slightly surprised my poem got a positive mention in judgement, gonna go blow myself now. 3b)Balls
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2013 00:59
|
|
|
budgieinspector posted:twinkle cave to the black courtesy phone. Or, y'know, message Muffin and me. Dammit to hell. Just come up with something awesome between you two as I won't be around the internet until this weekend. I will of course do my duties judging.
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2013 01:45
|
|
|
Sitting here your poem was good. I apologize for the crit delays but everything sucks for all of us and we're just going to have to move through the endless gray wastes of our lives one futile step at a time through sheer inertia, hope having died long ago.
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2013 02:11
|
|
|
Sitting Here posted:1a)Been away from the 'dome mostly, sorry about that I know everyone was fretting of course. 1a. I was fretting.  1b. I'm in dismay because you didn't answer my last email. 2. HiddenGecko is a Hun. 3a. I didn't read it but it probably did suck. 3b. Mine are huge and made of solid tungsten. Just a PSA. twinkle cave posted:Dammit to hell. Just come up with something awesome between you two as I won't be around the internet until this weekend. I will of course do my duties judging. Sweet avatar brother. 
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2013 03:38
|
|
|
Martello posted:1a. I was fretting. I'm sorry I can't hear you over the clanging of your tungsten nuts, all I hear when you talk is BALLS BALLS BALLS
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2013 04:14
|
|
|
OK here is my poetry critique, poetry critiques are hard. HiddenGecko posted:Dem Bones, Dem Dry Boners So I like the idea of a skeleton running through a city trying to get his bone on. The problem is that in a lot of places, it seems like you went for a cheap/approximate rhyme, or no rhyme at all in some cases. And the rhythm. I read a bunch of limericks today to get a feel for them, and while there are a lot of writers who do all kinds of substitutions (even anti-limericks, apparently), some of the stanzas in this piece would fit unobtrusively in a free verse poem. Like: "A bone white finger signaled the barman The skeleton acted the part of a bachelor. Oh this ring? We’re divorced ma’am Stay those heaving bosoms. Why I never, barman! another oily toucan!" Limericks are traditionally bawdy poems so you nailed that in subject matter, but missed the opportunity for wordplay and double entendre that I think this form lends itself to. I had a little trouble figuring out what was going on at some points because each stanza feels like a set of seperate images/ideas, and it's not always implict what's going on, especially with the unmarked, unsourced dialog that seems to come from both the skeleton and the ladies he's evidently hitting on. Did you read this to yourself out loud at all? It might have helped with the very un-limerick-like meter.
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2013 05:59
|
|
|
Thunderdome XXIV: Keyboard Kings Alright kiddies, twinkle cave hasn't recovered from his victory night barhop coma yet, so the taking charge has fallen to myself and the honourable budgieinspector. After some discussion, we've decided that y'all are good at following rules but not so good when left on your own devices, so this week Thunderdome goes country.  Write a supernatural horror story set in a small town Supernatural is important: think more Stephen King than Texas Chainsaw Massacre. aaaaand that's it. There's not going to be any flash rules with strange form constraints or hidden surprises at the end: you're being given a fairly broad prompt to do whatever you want with. Upper limit is 1750 words. Deadline for signups with 11:59pm Friday NZDT, deadline for submissions is 11:59pm Sunday NZDT. The honourable dead: sitting here sebmojo SC Bracer Etherwind Capntastic The Saddest Rhino STONES OF MADNESS V for Vegas swaziloo supermikhail Meis Benagain areyoucontagious monkeyboydc Canadian Surf Club JonasSalk Zack_Gochuck Noah Blackfrost Chexoid Chairchucker  Cancercakes toanoradian BUDGIEINSPECTOR
SurreptitiousMuffin fucked around with this message at 06:03 on Jan 18, 2013 |
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2013 08:24
|
|
|
in
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2013 08:25
|
|
|
In.
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2013 08:27
|
|
|
I'm still in. That's surprisingly open. Edit: whoa. Sitting Here, you didn't have to buy me this! You really shouldn't have!
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2013 08:28
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 19, 2024 01:31 |
|
|
I'm all in.
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2013 08:29
|
|