paragon1 posted:

Yeah, most of the seems to come from the author being lazy and thoughtless. You could say that about this whole thing really.

Iced Cocoa posted:

Talking about lazy and thoughtless, look at this:



I just realized what was bugging me about this picture. The thing is, he's wearing a coat. The problem is, there are four to six limbs that are under the coat. Someone makes this whole different monster kind of thing, then forgets all the real details about them.

Iced Cocoa posted:

Talking about lazy and thoughtless, look at this:



I just realized what was bugging me about this picture. The thing is, he's wearing a coat. The problem is, there are four to six limbs that are under the coat. Someone makes this whole different monster kind of thing, then forgets all the real details about them.

Dreggon posted:

Holy poo poo, look at the left side of that picture. I was only looking at the dressing gown-clad coaster on the right but he's reading a loving book.

e: and I thought his nostrils were his eyes on the left one. Actually looks a lot like a lazy panda.

JosephWongKS posted:

The obvious answer is that were-roller-coasters also have the power to retract their arms into their bodies whenever they wish to.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialogue_in_writing posted:

Dialogue in writing

Dialogue in fiction is a verbal exchange between two or more characters. If there is only one character talking aloud it is a monologue.


Identifiers

"This breakfast is making me sick," George said.

The George said is the identifier. Said is the verb most writers use because reader familiarity with said prevents it from drawing attention to itself. Although other verbs such as ask, shout, or reply are acceptable, some identifiers get in the reader's way. For example:

"Hello," he croaked nervously, "my name's Horace."
"What's yours?" he asked with as much aplomb as he could muster.[1] another example is: "My name is Peg, what's yours?" I asked. "My name is William, but my friends call me Will," said Will.

Stephen King, in his book On Writing, expresses his belief that said is the best identifier to use. King recommends reading a novel by Larry McMurtry, who he claims has mastered the art of well-written dialogue.[2]

Substitutes are known as said-bookisms. For example, in the sentence "What do you mean?" he smiled., the word smiled is a said-bookism.

quote:

I woke up blinking my eyes briefly, my head throbbed and my muscles ached. It felt as if a bronco kicked me. I opened my eyes a tad bit more to see Thunderbark standing before me. I moaned loudly.

“Railrunner, say something, let us know you are with us.”

I looked at him, my eyes narrowed.

“You’re an rear end.” I growled.

quote:

Thunderbark rolled his eyes. “He’s fine,” he sighed.

I sat up to see that I was in a hotel suite. Merrylegs leaned against the wall combing her thick red hair while Static sat in front of a TV playing video games, a racing one. All he did was crash into the other opponents. Merrylegs laughed.

“Have you ever tried not crashing into things?”

“Hey! It’s in my nature.” He objected, looking back to the screen.

quote:

I sat up in bed and turned to Thunderbark. I took a long deep breath then reluctantly decided to speak to him. But he spoke first.

“I have never seen a young roller coaster as powerful as you. You were able to bend some of the most incredible lightning before you were even able to learn it. It takes years for a coaster to even get a small spark.”

quote:

“Well is there any particular reason why?”

“You are the red. Like I said before, you are a one and only. You are destined for greatness, Railrunner.”

“Whoop dee.” I grumbled.

“You need to work on your manners, and definitely your language.” Thunderbark groaned. I simply ignored him.

“Whatever, so why are we here in this room?”

“There was a possible witness that could have seen you during your transformation yesterday, and he is in the position where he could arrest you.” He sighed.

“Detective Black.”

“Right, if he saw you he could expose you, and get you imprisoned, ruining our chances of defeating Ironwheel.” He said with his eyes changing dark blue in frustration.

quote:

I got to my feet to get ready and prepared to walk out the door.

“Where are you going?” Thunderbark said sternly.

“I’m going to talk to Clare, and help her understand what’s wrong with me, why I am a freak.” I said shutting the door behind me. I wanted to make things right with Clare; I just hope she accepts me for what and how twisted I was.

quote:

I walked out of the hotel, to my right was the police impound lot, and there was my car. The black Mustang, it was as shinny [sic] as the day I bought it. I’ll go get it out; besides, Clare’s house is a long way away from the hotel.

quote:

I walked over to the police station and passed trough [sic] the double doors. I saw lots of officers roaming about. I felt so unease [sic], I now considered these men as my enemies. There were posters of wanted people on a large wall, but in the middle of them was the biggest poster of all, the one of me as a roller coaster. I tried to ignore it, and then I walked up to the desk.

“May I help you?” a middle aged lady asked with a smile on her rosy red face.

“Yes, I need to get my car out of the impound lot.” I said trying to sound normal, and appear that way.

“Ok, what car is it?”

The black Mustang GT [No punctuation mark]” I said as I stuck my hand into my pocket.

“What year?”

“2008.” I replied as I pulled out my tattered wallet.

“It will be two hundred dollars, sir.”

I handed her a wad of money. She stuck it in a safe and smiled back at me, but I could sense that she was leery.

“Well looks like your all set, by the way. We found your car parked in the back of Snooks, on the first night that the roller coaster attacked. You know anything of this?”

quote:

“Well, I wasn’t really there, a friend drove me home, I was pretty drunk,” I lied.

“Okay, but good on your part.” She chuckled.

I nodded and followed an officer back into the building and out into the lot. We walked up to my car and he handed me my keys.

“Really nice ride. You’re lucky the roller coaster didn’t destroy it,” he laughed. It was a complete paradox that the enemy was talking to his biggest foe without even knowing it. This only made me more solicitous.

quote:

“Thanks. Hey where is Detective Black?” I asked out of curiosity.

“Oh, well he got mauled by you know who last night; he’s still in the hospital. They said his injuries were not life threatening though.”

quote:

“I wish him the best,” I said climbing into my car, wanting to snicker at my last comment. I started the engine and drove out of the lot. They were on high alert that’s for sure. As so was I.

quote:

+++

Clare wandered around her house in a daze. She still was suffering from what happened the night before. She could not convince herself it was a dream, because the scratches lay on her arm. The brutal memory of Rodney transforming still lingered in her head, she shuttered [sic] at the very thought of it. Then the doorbell rang making her jump. She looked through the peephole to see Rodney standing on the doorstep.

Clare fell back against the wall in surprise. Her heart began to hammer in her chest, she could almost hear its loud thud as it pounded over and over again.

“Clare? It’s me, Rodney; I want to talk to you.” Rodney called from the other side of the door. Clare began to panic, then she quickly walked into the kitchen and began to dig around in the silverware drawer, her hands shaking.

“Come on Clare, I know you’re home. Could you please answer?” Rodney called. She shoved several forks out of the way and pulled out a kitchen knife. She hid it up in her sleeve and began to walk to the front door. She did the whole process as if she was in a trance.

Clare slowly opened the door.

“Come in,” she said quietly.

Rodney walked through the doorway, shut the door, and stopped to take off his shoes. Suddenly Clare pulled out the knife and brought it down towards his chest. Rodney had no time to react, the knife went into him and Clare stumbled backward gasping in fear. Rodney sat on the floor breathing harshly. He tugged at the knife sticking out of his chest; he pulled it free and lay it aside. Blood seeped through his shirt; he unbuttoned it and reveled [sic] the nasty wound.

quote:

Then the gash started to shrink, till it was no longer visible, Rodney had healed himself. Clare stood unmoving. She gasped as she realized her mistake.

“I’m so sorry!” She sniveled as Rodney got back up and popped his neck. Rodney looked at her, he unexpectedly smiled a little.

“Clare, I’ve looked worse, believe me,” he started to laugh.

“Like last night?”

“Yes, like last night.”

quote:

+++

“Clare I came to explain what’s going on with me. Care to listen for a minute?”

“I don’t mind,” she said sitting on the couch. I walked over and sat in the chair in front of her. I wiped my face then sighed aloud. Then I began my story.

“Clare, I wasn’t born here, I was born somewhere else, a place called Amusement Park Between. There all the rides are alive.”

“Merrylegs told me that part already. I want to know how you became a coaster, and what a coaster’s characteristics are.” She interrupted.

quote:

“Fine, I will start with how I became a roller coaster. It all began when I went to Mystic Park to get a job, I met Woody. He and I went coaster walking. Then we stopped and Woody said his real name was Thunderbark, and mine was Railrunner. Then he told me where I came from and the legend of Amusement Park Between. And I was the key to some kind of prophecy. Then, it happened.”

“What.” [The quote ends with a full-stop instead of a question mark]

“He tricked me, he made me touch the rails, and he activated my curse.”

“That’s how you became Railrunner?”

“Yes, I become a coaster at night or when I interact with them. I don’t have control until the first full moon when the clock strikes twelve and when the moon is at the highest point in the sky, which is tonight. However, in Amusement Park between [“between” is spelt in lowercase instead of capitalized] I’m a coaster always.”

“Have you been to Amusement Park between?” [“between” is spelt in lowercase instead of capitalized]

“No, not yet.”

“So can you do anything in your coaster form?”

“Yes, I can heal myself; I have extreme strength, agility and senses. I can bend lightning and fire, which I did lightning and nearly killed myself last night. I can’t ever get sick; I can predict when things will happen. And others.”

quote:

“What is it like being Railrunner?” She asked quietly as she nervously pulled at her sleeves.

“Clare, it certainly has its ups and downs. Right now I have no control and I have a taste for blood. I feel damned, I feel like my soul is being stolen. I feel so heartless. And yet, I feel so invincible, like nothing can stop me, even though that is true. I feel the urge to get revenge to fight. At the stage where I’m at, its [sic] like Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde.”

quote:

“That’s when you’re not in control, right?”

“Yes, I haven’t felt what it is like when I’m in control.”

Then all was quiet for a minute, and then Clare looked at me tearing up.

“Rodney, I mean Railrunner, I think your other side might come between us.”

“What?” I said startled.

quote:

“Railrunner you are very good to me, but unfortunately you are also very bad. You almost killed me last night.”

“Clare, I didn’t… It’s not my fault!”

quote:

“Railrunner, this will never work. You have people that can’t accept you for what you are. You have people that want you dead!”

“Clare!”

“Railrunner, our love is – forbidden. We can’t carry on any longer. A roller coaster cannot be in love with a human!”

“Clare please!” I said coming to my knees.

“Railrunner, we are done, no more.” She said with tears rolling down her cheeks. She pulled a pink rose out of a vase and handed it to me, and then she disappeared into the house. I stormed outside and climbed into my car. I sat in the seat holding the rose.

“Why does it have to be this way?” I said in sheer frustration. [Missing quotation mark] Why me!”

Sindai posted:

Did Leek ever explain what "bending" means or does she use it as though it's a general term?

alcharagia posted:

"Whoop dee" is not a phrase.

Iced Cocoa posted:

I never thought then I would wish she would be as subtle ripping off things as she did with bending.

quote:

Then the gash started to shrink, till it was no longer visible, Rodney had healed himself. Clare stood unmoving. She gasped as she realized her mistake.

"So thou thought thou couldst kill me, fool." exploded Rodney

SSNeoman posted:

Bobbin, if I may, you're a writer right? Can you tell us what you think of the perspective shifts? I'd really like to hear your opinion.

alcharagia posted:

"Whoop dee" is not a phrase.

About the Author and the Illustrator posted:

Miranda Leek

Miranda Leek lives in the small town of Rockvale, Tennessee. Her love of art, writing and roller coasters inspired Miranda, at the tender age of seventeen, to write Twisted; in which started as a simple experience and a few ideas, tuned into wonderful fully illustrated book that could be read over and over.

Please visit https://www.mirandasmagic.com to view more of Miranda's work including the works of Twisted in their original form.


Also Be On The Lookout for Book 2 In The Twisted Series:

VERTIGO

quote:

...at the tender age of seventeen...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miranda_Leek posted:

Miranda Leek

Miranda Leek (born May 18, 1993)[1] is an American archer.

Career

Born in Des Moines, Iowa, Leek learned to shoot from her father, Scott Leek, who is a recreational archer. When she was 5, Scott Leek took her with him to a shooting range and taught her how to use a basic recurve bow. Over time, she began to participate in local competitions, switching to a compound bow, which she would use until switching back to an Olympic-style recurve bow at the age of 12. During this transition, Leek continued to be coached by her father, with additional support and advice from archery coach Terry Wunderle and his son, former Olympian Vic Wunderle. By age 14 she was selected as a member of USA Archery's Junior Dream Team, and began to be coached by Kisik Lee, her current team coach. Her father remains her personal coach.[2]

In 2010, Leek was selected as the sole representative of the United States in women's archery at the 2010 Summer Youth Olympics. The following year, she graduated from Dowling Catholic High School in West Des Moines, and has been accepted to attend Texas A&M University starting in fall, 2012.[3] Also in 2011, Leek participated as a member of the United States women's team at the 2011 Pan American Games in Guadalajara, Mexico. There, she won silver medals in both the individual and team competitions.[4][5] She has qualified to compete in both the individual and team competitions in women's archery at the 2012 Summer Olympics in London, beating out two more experienced archers for the right to compete in the individual competition on behalf of the United States.[6]

attackbunny posted:

This book is a horror story about a domestic abuser with superpowers.

Don't click here. There is nothing good here. Also spoilers. posted:

This is Shadowtrack, a little anthro roller coaster- a feisty one at that. She's quite a flirt, putting on a private show for her husband Railrunner behind closed doors... every night. Shadowtrack's personality is playful and seductive, but at other times she's serious and understanding. She's addicted to Railrunner like he's her own personal drug and would never go with any other coaster behind his back.

Mercedes posted:

What the gently caress, I can't even see the goddamn picture behind the wall of watermarks

attackbunny posted:

I'm almost relieved, because if Psychoaster's going to end up with this blatant fuckdoll trophy then that means Clare's well away from the guy who thinks she's a bitch for dumping him after he tried to murder her. Sadly, I have this horrible feeling like Clare's going to get in a stupid catfight with the fuckdoll and get her rear end kicked by Railrunner's new and superior dragon coaster train love interest.

my dad posted:

Speculation related to the spoilered stuff: I have this horrible feeling that Clare is the, er, fuckdoll.

my dad posted:

Speculation related to the spoilered stuff: I have this horrible feeling that Clare is the, er, fuckdoll.

JosephWongKS posted:

If the consensus is that posting it in the thread is creepy I'll edit out the post above.

NeoAnjou posted:

I think posting something from the book is fine. After all, that is what this thread is about, and, to me at least, shows that we should not be outrageously harsh on her given that this was written by a 17 year old (for some reason I was thinking of it as the product of a lonely 30-something).

However, actually trying to track down anything else about Miranda is kinda creepy. I don't think it is the same person as this archer, but people shouldn't do anything further to find her.

NeoAnjou posted:

I think posting something from the book is fine. After all, that is what this thread is about, and, to me at least, shows that we should not be outrageously harsh on her given that this was written by a 17 year old (for some reason I was thinking of it as the product of a lonely 30-something).

However, actually trying to track down anything else about Miranda is kinda creepy. I don't think it is the same person as this archer, but people shouldn't do anything further to find her.

quote:

'Shadowtrack'

Dreggon posted:

I haven't actually looked at the picture, yet. I'm afraid that if I look I won't have a way to express the horror, and it will eat me up inside.

Rahonavis posted:

quote:

But most importantly, and this is the thing that kills me: If were-rollercoaster-dragon-things are the most awesome creatures around; if they are bloodthirsty killing machines that can manipulate the elements, heal from any wound, redefine common phrases, and (enter new power as the plot demands here), why is Shadowtrack "nothing" without her boyfriend?!?!? That isn't just a heartbreaking reminder of how ingrained the "female characters can't be interesting" thing is, even for female writers, it simply does not make any loving sense in the world of this story!?!

quote:

A new, revised and updated version of Twisted will be out this coming summer The cover will be changed, the ugly interior illustrations are scrapped and replace with spot illustrations, and though the story won't change - there is going to be a major facelift to the text with edits and a few added content! So, if you are thinking about reading Twisted, just wait until the new version is released, don't buy the ugly thing that I did years ago.