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I am checking out Miranda's group called...*sigh*...Bizzare Anthros...and for the most part it's about what you'd expect. Miranda shows off her preggo psychocoasters, there's some quasi-but-totally-not-furry art by the co-founder and so on. But there are a few people who actually have some cool poo poo: This dude makes a whole bunch of awesome monster drawings that wouldn't be out of place in Guild Wars 2 concept art. It helps that they are being, you know, monsters and not sexualized demihumans. Another dude has a car jaguar, which while not his best work, led me to find his gallery that has this: Look at that. It's a loving orca fused with a fighter jet. That's awesome. I love it. The dude does have his own MY OCC HEADFICTIONS, but he has the talent to back it up. His pictures of spaceships are way cool too. Yet another dude does these cute drawings of objects, like this: This one is called Forever Remember Us. Yeah Anyway, I don't have to tell you that Miranda's group is and otherwise pretty much poo poo, right? Seraphic Neoman fucked around with this message at 04:31 on May 3, 2013 |
# ? May 3, 2013 04:25 |
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# ? Apr 25, 2024 23:19 |
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Chapter 22 – Originquote:
“A place from the most imaginative mind” has the same day-night cycle as “the real world”. A world with “technology that is far more advanced than any humans” apparently has no teleportation chambers, no flying vehicles, and no mass transportation systems. quote:
Roller-coasters with “sight of a dragon” and with the power to “bend fire” need to build and maintain campfires. A world with “technology that is far more advanced than any humans” burns wood for said campfires. Where are the capsules that turn into a house? Dragonball had those and it was first published in the 1980s. quote:
Again with the sighing. Stop sighing! Stop it stop it stop it! quote:
Railrunner certainly has spilled more than enough blood in his brief time as a were-roller-coaster. quote:
The only “predator” in this situation is Railrunner. Literally every single casualty in the book has been of his making or that of his murderous posse. quote:
Stop making yourself out to be the victim here! Your boyfriend is literally a remorseless sociopathic mass murderer, for chrissakes! They have every right to question you (with whom he was last seen) on his whereabouts! quote:
Clare is the one that’s disgustingly empty of any moral compass whatsoever. quote:
Yes, charge her with concealment of evidence and interference with the course of justice! Throw the book at her and put her in jail for a good long time! quote:
List of damage caused by Railrunner since he "gained control" in Chapter 11 Chapter 11 16. Cold-bloodedly murdered a gang of thugs who had accosted Clare but who had swiftly surrendered after seeing Railrunner's were-roller-coaster form 17. Attacked a pair of police officers who had come in response to a report of armed robbery in the area 18. Pushed large trucks out of his way while chasing the abovementioned police officers on the road, presumably causing multiple vehicle collisions Chapter 13 19. Killed a police officer by biting him in the neck 20. Killed another police officer by deflecting a bullet back into the police officer 21. Caused mass destruction to a group of police officers by firing a “concussion beam” 22. Flattened some more police officers by “flipping their cruisers” and crushing them underneath Chapter 15 23. Cruelly destroyed a mouse by manipulating the metal in its blood 24. Inflicted a minor injury on Detective Black 25. Slammed a few police offices on to a wall 26. Smashed a few more police officers with his tail 27. Knocked out a police officer by popping open his restraint 28. Attempted to crush a FBI captain by throwing a police car at him Chapter 16 29. Broke into a museum and stole a piece of jewellery known as the Augu Ra Chapter 18 31. Destroyed a ferris wheel by climbing onto and then jumping off it with all of twenty thousand pounds of weight 32. Threw an armored truck at a group of police officers, hitting “several squad cars and policemen” 33. Broke off a light post and used it as a bat, breaking bones and smashing cars 36. Disintegrated a row of police officers with his McGuffin Chapter 20 38. Killed and ate a fish quote:
That much is true – any place containing Railrunner is indeed a hellish place. quote:
AARRGGGHHHH STOP SIGHING! quote:
I am in total agreement with Railrunner on this point. quote:
In this book, everything defies logic and explanation. quote:
This is creepy and rapetastic as hell. The one saving grace in this book was that it was free of rape, and now even that has been taken away. quote:
STOP SIGHING FOR FUCKS SAKE STOP SIGHING STOP SIGHING STOP STOP STOP for the love of god just stop quote:
What the gently caress is this bullshit. How do you just suddenly “now I remember” major events like this. Come on. quote:
In a book full of banal and inane bullshit, the above passage takes the prize for banality and inanity. quote:
How does “I was hunting alone in the forbidden forest” explain the name of said forest (which isn’t even capitalized)? I’d really like to understand what was the leap of logic that led to this sentence. quote:
That’s a rather detailed and fleshed-out description of an event which was “now I remember”ed. quote:
“… deal with them, learn their lifestyles, and culture... and brutally murder them.” Also, how did such a blundering group of moronic murder-scumbags muster the resources and skill to forge birth documentation and slip him into a cradle or hospital cot? And what happened to the original human baby whom they took out to put in Railrunner? This goes onto your litany of crimes, you disgusting baby-killers. quote:
If Railrunner (currently human age 38, according to the character bio written by Miranda Leek) was “adopted”, it must have been at a fairly early age, certainly no earlier than 18. This means that Railrunner’s posse of baby-killers both “watched him over the years” and “lost track” of him for more than 20 years, at the same time. quote:
Said the murderer of countless civilians who were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time and even more police officers who were bravely doing their duty to defend the public. JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 11:27 on May 3, 2013 |
# ? May 3, 2013 09:56 |
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Oh boy, the biggest plot twist so far, and finally gives me a reason to post this. This was the first I made with regards of Twisted! So then, earlier I posted about the second red roller coaster, guy named Firetrack who died in 1932 which coincides with the fall of amusement parks during the great depression. On the other end, Railrunner is the tenth roller coaster, born 1972. I'm mentioning which red he is because I can't remember if that comes up in the book or not. There is also one other thing that I believe isn't mentioned in the book, how long it takes a red roller coaster to mature. According to this (pretty safe), it takes two years to reach adulthood. Why Rodney didn't become adult human at the age of 2 I don't know. And the pregnancy lasts one year. So from the death of a red to the maturation of one takes at least three years. And here is where the math comes in. From between Firetrack's death in 1932 and Railrunner's birth in 1972 there were seven red roller coasters. In a span of forty years. So that means that on average each red roller coaster was conceived by magic, raised up and died on the average of 5 years and 8-9 months. Three of which were spent maturing, and that's assuming the moment a red roller coaster dies the next one is conceived. So each red roller coaster has 2 years and 8-9 months making their mark. Actually that's not so, because Moonblood, the ninth roller coaster died ten years before Railrunner was born. So the actual span of seven red roller coasters was 31 years. So the average adult life span of those seven red roller coaster was 1 year and 5-6 months. It will be showed in the book soon enough that each red roller coaster managed to make his/her mark on history, despite their short life span.
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# ? May 3, 2013 10:20 |
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Iced Cocoa posted:It will be showed in the book soon enough that each red roller coaster managed to make his/her mark on history, despite their short life span. Each of them made his or her mark on history by murdering as many innocents as possible, I presume.
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# ? May 3, 2013 10:25 |
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It would be amazing if the dictator turns out to be a dictator by virtue of trying to get rid of the red coasters. Bonus points if the dictator cooperates with "real world" authorities in order to make sure that a maniacal murderer gets brought to justice.
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# ? May 3, 2013 10:38 |
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Oh dear lord, he was raised as a changeling? That means he wasn't "adopted" as such, but instead Ironbark stole a human baby out of his crib and replaced him with Railrunner. I imagine it's too much to ask that the real Rodney was taken to be raised in the Amusement Park Between? Or was he sacrificed to the despot to throw him off the scent? Chalk another one up to Ironbark's tally, I suppose.
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# ? May 3, 2013 14:46 |
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And it goes on for 40 more chapters?
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# ? May 3, 2013 15:54 |
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JosephWongKS posted:“… deal with them, learn their lifestyles, and culture... and brutally murder them.” I can totally see the changeling angle, and when the parents freaked that they didn't have the same baby I can see Thunderbark murdering them because othervise they would have revealed everything. That's how he's both a changeling and a orphan. However there is one goddamn thing that has always bugged me. That damned necklace. How the hell did it end up lost in the human world? Ironwheel killed the last red, and should have gotten the necklace. If he ended up in the human world he would have made human his slaves or whatever as Thunderbark said, so he can't have lost the necklace there. Of course, there's the element of magic so the necklace might have ended up with Railrunner when he was, ugh, born, no matter where it was previously. And then Thunderbark takes Railrunner to the human world, and loses the necklace when in the human world. Given how drat powerful that bloody necklace is, how the hell did he manage to lose it? How would he manage to lose track of Rodney/Railrunner? Dreggon posted:And it goes on for 40 more chapters? I have to say I was kind of toying with the idea of writing a list of 20-25 things that would happen in the novel, with only five of them true. However I can't really think of much else as ridiculous as what's coming up in the story, nor can I think of stuff that happens in the story that's not obvious when you read it. Very few novels can be predictable but at the same time bring whatever plot twists that come their way without any care at all.
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# ? May 3, 2013 16:17 |
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Iced Cocoa posted:However I can't really think of much else as ridiculous as what's coming up in the story This sounds like a challenge. So lets all list our top 5 things we think couldn't possibly happen in the story. 1. Railrunner uses his iron-bending to create rails out of trace amounts of metal in the environment for himself to run on a-la Ice Man 2. The source of the amusement park rides' powers is revealed to be nanomachines. 3. Vampires 4. Railrunner fights with another amusement park ride, gets struck by lightning and is 'powered up' by it. 5. Coaster-rape
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# ? May 3, 2013 16:34 |
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Phummus posted:This sounds like a challenge. So lets all list our top 5 things we think couldn't possibly happen in the story. "Couldn't possibly happen," you say? 1. Detective Black rides into coaster world on a ferris wheel to save the day. 2. Rodney genuinely admits that killing police officers is wrong. 3. Ironbark neither dies, becomes too injured to finish the climactic fight, nor turns traitor by the end of the story. 4. The Last Starfighter swoops in and presses the turbo spinny button to wipe out everything present. 5. Ironwheel is revealed to literally be Darth Vader.
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# ? May 3, 2013 17:13 |
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Bobbin Threadbare posted:Oh dear lord, he was raised as a changeling? That means he wasn't "adopted" as such, but instead Ironbark stole a human baby out of his crib and replaced him with Railrunner. I imagine it's too much to ask that the real Rodney was taken to be raised in the Amusement Park Between? Or was he sacrificed to the despot to throw him off the scent? Chalk another one up to Ironbark's tally, I suppose. Iced Cocoa posted:I can totally see the changeling angle, and when the parents freaked that they didn't have the same baby I can see Thunderbark murdering them because othervise they would have revealed everything. That's how he's both a changeling and a orphan. I think it's more likely that Miranda just doesn't know what the hell a changeling is and assumed it just meant "any non-human raised as a human." Of course, I wouldn't put it past her to have the heroes cheerfully abduct a baby and throw it off a cliff or whatever as long as it benefited Rodney, given the entire rest of the novel.
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# ? May 3, 2013 17:36 |
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No! Just...buh...WHY?! Why a campfire?! Don't you have money for a hotel? How did humans "torture" Freakshow? If all hell breaks loose when a red is born, why the gently caress do you people keep making them? Besides 'the plot says so', please. So "a spirit thing" happens? What does this mean? Divine immaculate conception? Are we seriously going to do loving Jesus parallels here? Or is this just Miranda's way to enjoy the idea of pregnancy without the whole 'sex' thing? WHAT DID IRONWHEEL DO!? WHY IS HE EVIL!? WHY DO WE, THE AUDIENCE, WANT HIS DEMISE!? You all clearly don't give a poo poo about humans so why the gently caress do you care what he does to the human world? Why is everyone in this novel, beside the side characters, such unlikable cunts? At least the RPG-wielding FBI Captain got out alive quote:“That has got to be the stupidest poo poo you have said to me since we got here! I mean, how in the hell is that possible!” I laughed. And now this book is trying to be meta. Great.
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# ? May 3, 2013 18:04 |
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Phummus posted:Top 5 things we think couldn't possibly happen in the story. I want more of these. They're immensely amusing and perhaps later I can count how many do not occur, how many kind of come up, how many actually come up. And perhaps few other amusing categories.
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# ? May 3, 2013 18:57 |
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quote:Actually that's not so, because Moonblood, the ninth roller coaster died ten years before Railrunner was born.
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# ? May 3, 2013 19:13 |
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attackbunny posted:Other red coasters were named Aunt Flo, The Red Knight Who Is Requesting Lodging, Communist Invasion, Shark Week and Riding the Red Rollercoaster. Thanks for reminding me. Only three Reds have been named, the last one is Redrail, who will be mentioned in the book later. However, Moonblood is a very bad name for a roller coaster. Or at least if Miranda had any sense of creating lore and myth in her own imaginary world. quote:In Vertigo, Railrunner has to defeat a new and even more powerful enemy, Darkrail, Amusement Park Between's Spirit of Death who returns every blood moon until a red can stop him. "You know what, I just birthed a red and I'm going to name him after an event that brings forth the devil who killed the greatest red there was. This is a great idea!" And also, there have been 13 total lunar eclipses since the turn of the century. Iced Cocoa fucked around with this message at 19:50 on May 3, 2013 |
# ? May 3, 2013 19:35 |
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SSNeoman posted:How did humans "torture" Freakshow? Well, to be fair to this, and to this only: all rides from the human world become living rides in Between once they are "retired" in some manner. Those that were vandalized, damaged, poorly maintained, etc., become "Fallen", instead of taking on a normal life in Between. Fallen are inherently evil by the nature of their spawning. Basically, Freakshow was probably smashed up bad while a ride in the human world, and Ironwheel was probably subjected to that rolling Ferris Wheel thing you see happen in movies occasionally. Thus, they are inherently evil once on the other side. Well, that's my "defending indefensible drek" quota filled for the year. ...Ironwheel is a Ferris Wheel, right? I don't feel like going back and checking, not after mustering that defense.
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# ? May 4, 2013 01:49 |
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Oblivion4568238 posted:...Ironwheel is a Ferris Wheel, right? I don't feel like going back and checking, not after mustering that defense.
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# ? May 4, 2013 02:14 |
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Hold up a second here. If red coasters are the only ones born, and they're born without a father, what's going on in all those horrible pictures Leek drew of a pregnant coaster and a male coaster? Please don't tell me Railrunner also gets the magically ability to not have to be dead before reproducing.
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# ? May 4, 2013 04:28 |
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Radio! posted:Hold up a second here. If red coasters are the only ones born, and they're born without a father, what's going on in all those horrible pictures Leek drew of a pregnant coaster and a male coaster? Eh, it's not much of a spoiler, but any pictures of pregnant coaster is a picture of Angeltrack, Railrunner's mother.
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# ? May 4, 2013 11:18 |
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Iced Cocoa posted:Eh, it's not much of a spoiler, but any pictures of pregnant coaster is a picture of Angeltrack, Railrunner's mother. Still doesn't explain the male coaster, though, if the previous Red has to die before the next Red is born.
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# ? May 4, 2013 12:17 |
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JosephWongKS posted:Still doesn't explain the male coaster, though, if the previous Red has to die before the next Red is born. He's probably like Joseph in the New Testament - husband to the holy mother, but not actually the father of the saviour.
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# ? May 4, 2013 12:35 |
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Phummus posted:This sounds like a challenge. So lets all list our top 5 things we think couldn't possibly happen in the story. 1. Clare becomes Shadowtrack (Please christ loving no) 2. Detective Black returns (Please christ loving yes) 3. 4. Ironwheel is actually just a giant wheel 5. Rodney dies
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# ? May 4, 2013 13:55 |
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FFFfffffff Reading all the contradictions and the powers and the bullshit it's making me feel helplessly frustrated.
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# ? May 4, 2013 14:00 |
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Phummus posted:This sounds like a challenge. So lets all list our top 5 things we think couldn't possibly happen in the story. 2) It turns out the true villain isn't Ironwheel after all. The historians of the Carnival had always wondered: ages ago, their society lived without the technology they take for granted today. No anti-grav (drink) coasters. Then, one day, according to the texts, all the coasters just... Appeared. And no one questioned it; who would, they seemed harmless enough. Little did they know... 3) Railrunner falls in love with a ride that isn't the same species as he. 4) Everything after the jail cell is all a delusion in Railrunner's mind; after getting netted by Detective black, he gradually began to lose energy. Without any rides or carnivals to recharge with, he became helpless and weak in his cell; his sanity slowly slipping away from him. None of the police offers know how to help, nor do they dare; Railrunners insane ramblings often made mention of slaughter and bloodshed. Once, he stared at detective Black, holding out a "hand", and suddenly broke into laughter, screaming "I did it, Thunderbark! I did it!" Right before his death, Railrunner regains a fragment of his sanity, and comes to realize this terrible reality... (I gotta go to work so no fifth for now, sorry) crime weed fucked around with this message at 14:23 on May 4, 2013 |
# ? May 4, 2013 14:18 |
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Edit =/= Quote
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# ? May 4, 2013 14:23 |
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Phummus posted:This sounds like a challenge. So lets all list our top 5 things we think couldn't possibly happen in the story. quote:1. Detective Black becomes Shadowtrack
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# ? May 4, 2013 15:34 |
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Oh my, I've been abandoning this thread way too much. I hardly worked on my next , and I haven't read the last 5 fanfics or so. drat you, Prison Architect! Anyway, during that "fight scene" with the go-kart, I can't imagine anything aside from this playing in the background.
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# ? May 4, 2013 15:44 |
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Because I forgot to, here is the colored illustration from "that" chapter. And here's the image from one of the future chapters. Just so you can see Freakshow in all her glory. It's worth to note she has only been illustrated twice. Also, it is worth to note that Ironwheel has never been illustrated.
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# ? May 4, 2013 18:01 |
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Iced Cocoa posted:Because I forgot to, here is the colored illustration from "that" chapter. The second edition still won't have a picture of Ironwheel, but there'll be 12 pages full of pregnant Angeltrack.
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# ? May 4, 2013 18:43 |
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Aww, I was really hoping it would be a patchwork monstrosity of a bunch of different rides. Also, why is it in a wooden boat? What is with the whole "high-tech society" deal, seriously.
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# ? May 4, 2013 18:52 |
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Iced Cocoa posted:And here's the image from one of the future chapters. Just so you can see Freakshow in all her glory. It's worth to note she has only been illustrated twice. Also, it is worth to note that Ironwheel has never been illustrated. Well, I was going to have "The Rollercoasters are also pirates" on my list of things too stupid to happen in this book but I guess all bets are off...
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# ? May 4, 2013 19:00 |
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Kjoery posted:2) It turns out the true villain isn't Ironwheel after all. The historians of the Carnival had always wondered: ages ago, their society lived without the technology they take for granted today. No anti-grav (drink) coasters. Then, one day, according to the texts, all the coasters just... Appeared. And no one questioned it; who would, they seemed harmless enough. Little did they know... This would be the best, a kind of I Am Legend ending where Railrunner is the real villain. Hell, throw in a little Fight Club -- Rodney could be Ironwheel as well.
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# ? May 4, 2013 19:08 |
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The only revelation we'll be having is that Static and Merrylegs turn out to be more useless than we already are assuming. By the way, I've been meaning to say that for a while now, but if the Great Depression in the 1930s caused many rides to be either decommissioned or dismantled, wouldn't that mean the 1930s were more or less the magic equivalent of a babyboom for Amusement Park Between? It might be a bad thing for the rides in the real life, but in Amusement Park, you'd have a shitton of new rides, mostly Fallen Ones. Also, how can Amusement Park Between have such a rich history and advanced technology when there couldn't have been any rides before the 18th centuries? And if park rides get their own magic world, do other things too? Is there an Automobile Limbo? A Kitchen Utensil Nirvana? A Mobile Phone Void? A Firearm Afterlife?
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# ? May 4, 2013 22:37 |
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horriblePencilist posted:The only revelation we'll be having is that Static and Merrylegs turn out to be more useless than we already are assuming. I'm not gonna lie, I'd read a book where the main character was an anthropomorphic Kalashnikov trying to save Gun Heaven from the evil Bullpups or whatever.
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# ? May 4, 2013 22:42 |
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WeaponGradeSadness posted:I'm not gonna lie, I'd read a book where the main character was an anthropomorphic Kalashnikov trying to save Gun Heaven from the evil Bullpups or whatever. From the DeviantART thread:
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# ? May 5, 2013 00:01 |
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Finally, a machine I can use to literally shoot myself in the foot!
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# ? May 5, 2013 00:39 |
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Abundant Atrophy posted:From the DeviantART thread: To be fair, I was contemplating over linking to that post of mine.
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# ? May 5, 2013 01:28 |
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Chapter 23 - Temple of The Redquote:
So long as Railrunner and his gang of murderers are at liberty, there’s no justice in the “real world” or in Amusement Park Between. quote:
Go on, let us have some descriptions of those “strange birds” to show what an “imaginative” world this is. quote:
He’s not listening in, you and Thunderbark were just talking too loud. Somehow, in a book where every single amusement park ride character is an unlikable rear end in a top hat, Railrunner maintains the distinction of being the most consistently unlikable of them all. quote:
We didn’t see any of those things in the “city” of Trenzon. I’d bet this is never brought up again and we never actually see any stuffed toy characters in the rest of the book. quote:
Is water supposed to smell “sweet”? I… I just don’t know any more. quote:
Railrunner gets another unearned McGuffin and we are supposed to feel happy for him because quote:
Is “yinkan” the name of a real tree, or something made up by Miranda Leek? I tried Googling but there were no results of “yinkan”. quote:
Make up your mind. Is the river “glittering” or “murky”? quote:
Where I come from, there are no “murky” crystals. Perhaps things are different in Miranda Leek’s part of the world. quote:
The god-drat Mary Sue roller-coasters can hold their breath for 30 minutes. Look at how wonderful and superior they are! quote:
“Hold their breath” =/= “Conceal their breath” quote:
Why does the “technology that is far more advanced than any humans” in Amusement Park Between always turn out to be D&D magic items? First a Floating Disk, and now a quote:
Literally the same fauna as “the real world” with a palette swap. That’s how “imaginative” Amusement Park Between is. quote:
Again Thunderbark displays the same “Leave Railrunner to flop and flounder” mentality as in Trenzon, and now Railrunner is starting to become aware of it. Perhaps they might even turn on each other before the end of the book. quote:
I think I’ve exhausted my fury by now. I won’t even highlight the amount of inappropriate sighing they do from now on. quote:
So the mildest form of swearing is inappropriate, but indiscriminate murder is perfectly A-Okay. Got it. quote:
There is nothing which the addition of roller-coasters do not make dumber. quote:
“A place from the most imaginative mind” places the same importance and value on grandeur and size, and has the same hierarchy of precious metals, as “the real world”. quote:
Now you can’t see in the dark? What happened to “sight like a dragon”? What happened to ““I slowly made my way toward the opening of the garage. Along the way I passed a light switch, I’d be better off in the dark than him. I switched it, my eyes automatically adjusted to the change of light” in Chapter 15? quote:
That is a typo, right? Please say it’s a typo. Also, a world with “technology that is far more advanced than any humans” doesn’t have electric lighting. Also also: “Torch” =/= “Lantern”. quote:
The fact that there’s a bedroom in the Temple makes the whole “after a red dies; a few years later a female coaster is selected. She is chosen because she is the purest and has the nicest heart towards others. Amusement Park Between summons her to the Temple of The Red. The whole time she is in a trance and doesn’t have a clue what goes on or happens. Some spirit thing occurs, but I [sic] not entirely sure on that one” even more creepy and rapetastic. quote:
“A small flame aroused [sic]” from Thunderbark’s fist Railrunner and Thunderbark all by themselves in a bedroom… Thunderbark staring at Railrunner “vigorously”… I’m not sure I like where this is going. quote:
If there’s only one “red” at a time, I’d say that yes, the incumbent red would probably be the most well-known red of that time. quote:
Suddenly you guys are concerned about the “real world”? How does that square with your love of indiscriminate murder of people? quote:
AARGH No. No. I will control myself. quote:
You are not much of a “trainer”, Thunderbark. You mostly just leave him to fumble around on his own.
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# ? May 5, 2013 03:11 |
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I think we should have made a list from the beginning of what movie/tv series/franchise Miranda is ripping off at any time. For instance, now it was Harry Potter, Railrunner even hisses the password to open the doors. Then there is Avatar: The Last Airbender and X-Men that I recall at the moment. I'm sure that the deal with the stuffed animals is that once they get thrown out or destroyed they become wild non-sentient animals in Amusement Park Between, perfect for food for the ravenous roller coasters. One thing I'm sure that no one has actually missed, Railrunner is supposed to be a jesus figure. He has all these powers and the virgin birth. Well, I'm not sure if Miranda actually intended it to be so obvious, or she actually thought she was rewriting the new testament (with a healthy dose of wrath of God from the old testament).
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# ? May 5, 2013 03:28 |
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# ? Apr 25, 2024 23:19 |
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In this fantasy I am swimming down the Acterbahnn between Trenzon and [INSERT AMUSEMENT PARK BETWEEN LOCATION HERE.] A large Winnebago ("A human vehicle??" I sighed discombobulatedly. "That makes no sense! Then again, this is Amusement Park Between, a land beyond imagination!!") has pulled to the side of the riverbank. An anxious-looking human flags me down. "This could be trouble," I sigh to Clare. 'It is certainly irregular.' Clare sighs nothing. Little do I know what is in store. "Can you help me," sighs the man. "I am Roy Orbison's tour manager." "Also?" I sigh in polite surprise. I have already used my new superpower of reading English to read the legend "Roy Orbison tour bus" on the side of the vehicle. I get off of my latest murder victim. "What seems to be the problem?" He leads me to the back of the van. 'Roy has succumbed to a heart attack and is clinically dead,' he sighs, indicating a certain well-known man in black sprawled on the floor of the vehicle. "So." I sigh. "Are you, perchance, a doctor?" "No. I have long been fascinated by doctors and surgical tools of all sorts but have never actually seen one in my life for reasons I prefer not to disclose." "Ach! Then I am at a loss what to do." "There is one thing we might try," I sigh with super obvious nonchalance. "If we were to wrap him in cling-film, this would prevent corruption setting in until we can get him to a hospital." "It is certainly worth a try. Alas, I have no clingfilm." "Fortunately I have just gained the ability to summon clingfilm from water molecules." I transform into Railrunner. The tour manager looks anxiously at me as I blow apart his right arm to turn his blood into clingfilm. "I must work undisturbed." I sigh at him. He nods and gives me privacy. Now it is just me and Roy Orbison and the cling-film. I start from the ankles and work up to the trademark dark glasses, wrapping slowly and carefully. Soon Roy Orbison is completely wrapped in cling-film. He is like a big black beetle wrapped in a silvery cocoon. The satisfaction is unparalleled by anything in my previous existence. "He is completely covered in clingfilm." I sigh to the manager. "I will accompany him as you drive to the hospital." Four hours later Roy Orbison sits up in bed in hospital and smiles at me. "I hear I owe you my life," he sighs. "Please accept these concert tickets." I bow politely. "There is something you perhaps should know. While you were in a coma I was forced to wrap you entirely in cling-film." "Quick thinking," sighs Roy. "You did not mind?" Roy's expression is unreadable. "I wasn't aware of it." But was there the slightest sigh behind those dark glasses? Of course, I sigh as I return to the patient Clare, there can be no question of him enjoying it, for he was dead at the time. Or was he...??? I used my new power of telekinetic incineration to make certain he was. On the way out I killed 20 more people.
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# ? May 5, 2013 04:15 |