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Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002

EMAIL... THE INTERNET... SEARCH ENGINES...

Disargeria posted:

Well since it's coming from the team that staunchly supports our abusive father over a bunch of kind strangers/royalty/giants and our own mother goons, I'm really not surprised they want to get us killed.

I believe this is more appropriate, though maybe I'm just bitter that we voted to suicide by alphabet agency in Moments.

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Rahul
Dec 10, 2004

Maybe we could modify it a bit to be slightly less inflammatory? While I guess that was the point, that was a pretty blatant hint that maybe our current plan isn't an entirely bright idea.

If we are gonna go this route, maybe this would be slightly better:
quote:

El is the king of the sky giants. He and his giants send lightning to punish evil people and monsters. But didn't my Dad shoot lightning at you?
[Then burst into tears]
Basically, instead of being a smarmy rear end in a top hat, we are instead a confused, traumatized 11 year old trying to make sense of what just happened.

I know it's not as sassy and amusing as the original, but it's slightly less likely to get us killed, too

Rahul fucked around with this message at 12:49 on May 29, 2013

Natalie Fartman
Apr 5, 2013

I selflessly rescued an abandoned cat during the COVID-19 Pandemic :3:

Rahul posted:

Maybe we could modify it a bit to be slightly less inflammatory? While I guess that was the point, that was a pretty blatant hint that maybe our current plan isn't an entirely bright idea.

If we are gonna go this route, maybe this would be slightly better:
quote:

El is the king of the sky giants. He and his giants send lightning to punish evil people and monsters. But didn't my Dad shoot lightning at you?
[Then burst into tears]
Basically, instead of being a smarmy rear end in a top hat, we are instead a confused, traumatized 11 year old trying to make sense of what just happened.

I know it's not as sassy and amusing as the original, but it's slightly less likely to get us killed, too

Seeing as so many people have chosen to be so insolent, I vote for this modification.

UppaTree
May 4, 2013

I voted for it because it sounds like something a relatively ignorant tribal kid would say, given his hodgepodge of beliefs about the world. It's insulting, but it comes from a child whose only teachings on the subject are stories, viewed through the lens of his father's teachings.

We think lightning is Asherah's anger AND a tool for smiting monsters. Why would we believe that Asherah and El use different kinds of lightning? I expect this guy to blink a few times, then burst out laughing and helpfully explain that he was not struck down, so he must not be a monster.

But since we've gotten a pretty clear indication that no good can come of this, I'm retracting my vote for Plan Foolhardy Contempt and changing it to plan SerSpook

Except for the part where we call Asherah a demon, praise this guy for rescuing us, and say that El rules all the world. Instead, say nothing of Asherah and substitute "El watches from the heavens, seeing all."

He asked what we know of the Sky Giant King, just tell him.

UppaTree fucked around with this message at 13:11 on May 29, 2013

my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous
Don't provoke the giant.

Rahul
Dec 10, 2004

By the way, in spite of what I posted above, and despite it having no support or momentum, my personal vote remains plan Theglavwen:

Tell them he's boss of the sky giants, and worshipped by the people of the land, and who rules over them the way Asherah rules the sea.

Genpei Turtle
Jul 20, 2007

Yeah, why not? We're an 11 year old kid. This guy just straight-up killed our dad in a gruesome manner. Even if he was an abusive poo poo, he's still our dad and we loved him. Abused kids still love their parents usually. We're going to be more than a little upset, and this is in line with our mostly rebellious nature.

Guy's gonna be offended, sure. But he's probably not going to murder an 11-year old kid in front of his mom for a little backtalk.

Raserys
Aug 22, 2011

IT'S YA BOY
You were basically just warned by the GM that this is a stupid decision and very likely to get you killed.

Seriously. Think it back over for a while.

Random Idiot
Mar 15, 2001

Disargeria posted:

Well since it's coming from the team that staunchly supports our abusive father over a bunch of kind strangers/royalty/giants and our own mother, I'm really not surprised they want to get us killed.

Pfft, we're not taking the heat just because you giant lovers decided to flip the bird at fishgod and run off with a bunch of murderous heathens. That's what's going to get the poor boy killed. Also, if king fancypants decides to kill Og for calling him on murdering his father, at least we'll have seen his true colors.

We children of fishgod will remember our proud, ever hungry heritage.

EVG
Dec 17, 2005

If I Saw It, Here's How It Happened.

Rahul posted:

Maybe we could modify it a bit to be slightly less inflammatory? While I guess that was the point, that was a pretty blatant hint that maybe our current plan isn't an entirely bright idea.

If we are gonna go this route, maybe this would be slightly better:
quote:

El is the king of the sky giants. He and his giants send lightning to punish evil people and monsters. But didn't my Dad shoot lightning at you?
[Then burst into tears]
Basically, instead of being a smarmy rear end in a top hat, we are instead a confused, traumatized 11 year old trying to make sense of what just happened.

I know it's not as sassy and amusing as the original, but it's slightly less likely to get us killed, too

Change my vote from Maxhush to this.

I had read the previous as confused little boy, not sassy, insolent smart mouth.

But if the votes end up going with it anyways, maybe the king will admire our feisty spirit? [/hope]

A Terrible Person
Jan 8, 2012

The Dance of Friendship

Fun Shoe

Rahul posted:

If we are gonna go this route, maybe this would be slightly better:
quote:

El is the king of the sky giants. He and his giants send lightning to punish evil people and monsters. But didn't my Dad shoot lightning at you?
[Then burst into tears]
Basically, instead of being a smarmy rear end in a top hat, we are instead a confused, traumatized 11 year old trying to make sense of what just happened.

Also throw in that we're pretty sure Mr. King himself isn't a monster/demon, though: He's Smittas, the Lobster Claw of El or something.

You know, that one guy that's son of both Ashera and El, who built the reefs with his numerous children, and uses his claw-spear to save the weak and needy (such as Jalitha) at the last possible moment? We are very confused, were saved by foreigners we weren't even sure really existed, and are being quizzed on foreign theology by a guy who just got hit by God-lightning. I think it's okay if we get it a little wrong.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

Raserys posted:

You were basically just warned by the GM that this is a stupid decision and very likely to get you killed.

Seriously. Think it back over for a while.

I am not saying it will kill you but wanted you to consider that it may have interesting but potentially negative consequences.

Raserys
Aug 22, 2011

IT'S YA BOY
So just stupid then. :v:

Hopefully Jalitha will try to cover for us, but the King supposedly has magical lie detection powers. Seriously. This is a bad decision.

Rahul
Dec 10, 2004

Yeah, even if we don't get murdered right off the bat, it kinda goes without saying that this is an Important dude we are talking to, and we're only going to get one chance at a first impression.

Pochoclo
Feb 4, 2008

No...
Clapping Larry
Well, to be honest, it IS the bronze age, and in the bronze age when a king killed your dad, and you stood up to said king, it usually ended with your head rolling, even if you were a 10 year old kid. We're probably loving terrified at this point, close to soiling our pants (because you chose to be a mortal instead of a badass dawn of time entity you jerks)

Really just repeat what Jalitha told us.

Deadly Ham Sandwich
Aug 19, 2009
Smellrose

Diogines posted:

You understand that this is intentionally highly provocative and insulting, as the implication is that you are calling him evil or a monster, right? I only mention that because I suspect many people might not realize that and only voted it because it was funny? I am not sure. This is also a good time to quote something from the OP.

I just want to be certain you understand that this response is intentionally provoking/insulting the largest, most well muscled man you've ever seen (who ate lightning and lived, after it melted a hole in metal armor) and who may be a king. If you want to say something which is very probably inflammatory, by all means, choose the path you want to take, but I don't want anyone to be shocked by the outcome of their decision.

I am sorrry, Diog. You wanted to run a CYAO and we are going to get ourselves killed before the heavens even begin to clash.

I am still voting for that because it is hilarious. What are our options here? Say some flowery speech and not be killed? Or say something unexpected and let the fun begin/die.

In a funny way. It shows that we believe in El.

Genpei Turtle
Jul 20, 2007

EVG posted:

Change my vote from Maxhush to this.

I had read the previous as confused little boy, not sassy, insolent smart mouth.

But if the votes end up going with it anyways, maybe the king will admire our feisty spirit? [/hope]

I'm all for bursting into tears after saying the smartmouth comment and/or changing it. So long as we stay in character I'm cool with it. Suddenly bursting into prose or extolling the virtues of El and abandoning everything we've been taught up to now is not in character.

Actually I think the most appropriate thing to do right now is be a blubbering wreck, considering we're a young kid from an extremely peaceful society that just witnessed several horrific acts of violence on a scale vastly greater than we've ever experienced before.

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006


Grimey Drawer

Rahul posted:

By the way, in spite of what I posted above, and despite it having no support or momentum, my personal vote remains plan Theglavwen:

Tell them he's boss of the sky giants, and worshipped by the people of the land, and who rules over them the way Asherah rules the sea.

I'm in favor of this plan.

HiHo ChiRho
Oct 23, 2010

Yeah, if we hint at all that we aren't happy at him for killing our father, that could be instant death or life shoveling cow poo poo. This man, in his own mind, believes he just saved our 11 year old life from an abusive man who shoots out lightning who may be a cannibal as well. What would your response be if the son of that person immediately goes sassy or gets angry at you and mocks your religion?

Mr Apollo
Jan 1, 2013
Voting for plan Tudhalias.

ConfusedPig
Mar 27, 2013


Voting for what SerSpook said. The poem thing, while very nice, is just overkill at this point, we're also 11 years old and in no way do we know the language well enough. (changed vote)

Diogines posted:

A question, so I understand your response.


You understand that this is intentionally highly provocative and insulting, as the implication is that you are calling him evil or a monster, right? I only mention that because I suspect many people might not realize that and only voted it because it was funny? I am not sure. This is also a good time to quote something from the OP.


I just want to be certain you understand that this response is intentionally provoking/insulting the largest, most well muscled man you've ever seen (who ate lightning and lived, after it melted a hole in metal armor) and who may be a king. If you want to say something which is very probably inflammatory, by all means, choose the path you want to take, but I don't want anyone to be shocked by the outcome of their decision.

Another thing, I know you guys are quite bitter we didn't do the infinitely stupid option of attacking a 7.5-foot tall guy with an actual sword while we are 11 years old and armed with an ersatz knife, but could you try not to sabotage the game for everyone else? I'm not saying that is your intent this time, but this is an incredibly bad idea and we get very little for it, we also might get Jalitha in trouble for that kind of thing (although that just might motivate you guys even more to insult him).

If you guys are so desperate for vengeance, at least wait for us to grow up and learn some actual leadership/fighting/whatever skills, and if we decide our character harbors a grudge against this king guy, we could try to instigate some kind of revolution, or go back and unite the Asherah-worshipping people and wage a full-on war (although since they have no experience fighting other people I don't know how likely that is).

ConfusedPig fucked around with this message at 22:15 on May 29, 2013

Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.
Yeah, hell no, we're not backing off this insolent poo poo thing. Worst case scenario we get a cool scar. Part of the epic journey. Voting Plan Sassmouth!

FoxTerrier
Feb 15, 2012

Perfectly logical poster who uses the tools available to him to come to solid conclusions

Eh, I actually voted for it because it could be interpreted as either sassy or innocently stating the obvious, depending on your POV (as well as being something a freaked out 11 year old might well actually say!). I figure the King either laughs, gets concerned about our poor schooling and explains why our theology is bad, or gets pissed off. Either one will tell us lots about his character and the character of the kingdom. If we get killed over this, I'd be very surprised, even by bronze age standards.

I completely understand if people want to play it safe though and am willing to change my vote to a less provocative version of this. Or anything else realistically without our 11 year old abilities. As lovely as the poem is, I don't think the people voting for it have spent much time around 11 year olds lately. They can barely recite simple poems they've worked on for weeks when they're calm and reciting for their parents. Parroting a complex rhyme right after a major trauma, and in front of monsters and a king who just walked out of a story? No way. We'll make a total hash of it and probably insult everyone by accident. And pee ourselves. That too.

FoxTerrier fucked around with this message at 14:38 on May 29, 2013

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com
:roboluv: :love: :roboluv:
Yeah, we're 11. I think we should phrase it like we're a slightly traumatized kid trying to be sassy. Not changing the vote, but we should phrase it like a question. As in 'Well, this could make sense, what's your response to that Mr. King?' Rather than coming across like we actually think our dad was El.

I interpreted it as more of a immature theoretical, theological argument showing we don't know anything more than a challenge or factual statment.

oxford_town
Aug 6, 2009
Voting for El is the storm that comes.

dyzzy
Dec 22, 2009

argh
Voting for theglavwen's narrative.

Neraren
Sep 15, 2006
Random Nerd #753897
I think we've been well enough conditioned to know that a sassy mouth get us beaten, guys.

Voting Not Sassymouth.

Klingtron
Sep 10, 2011

Theglavwen posted:

Pretty much what the Turtle said. The other votes can't be serious; we're not going to launch into a pious and eloquent sermon on the merits of the great saviour El, straight out of someone's prayer-book, while simultaneously renouncing everything we've known and fully believed in previously, as a young kid who's just been ripped violently out of familiarity and security. I cannot believe that's a serious suggestion, and as cool as the little poem is, do we really have the capacity or talent, nevermind the current clarity of mind and composure, to start making up entreating poems on the fly? Maybe if it's an established poem, that Jalitha's taught us, that we can maybe stammer out shakily half-remembered, sure, but come on, when did we switch from 'traumatized kid, burgeoning priest of Asherah' to loving Rudyard Kipling?

Yeesh, tell them he's boss of the sky giants, and worshipped by the people of the land, and who rules over them the way Asherah rules the sea. Say he must be pretty important, otherwise Asherah wouldn't have let him manage the life that Asherah spawned upon the land that he brought forth from the ocean.

Keep in mind we have no reason to doubt what we've 'learned' of Asherah; whatever we think of El we must have someone reconciled it in our head with what we 'know' of Asherah.

Voting for this as it makes the most sense as we believe in both gods.

Grabpot Thundergust
Jul 6, 2010

SerSpook posted:

Say:

El is the leader of the sky-giants, king and father of them all, who rules the world. His spear is Smattas, whom thunders when he fights. Another is Maranal, who blesses Smattas with lightning and heals the sick. Labaras was a giant of the land, who founded the Big Village Baitel; his children founded other places, such as Zepath.

The giants never fight, for they all serve El. They may trick one another, but never truly engage in conflict. The world contains monsters, that El and his giants protect us from, as you have protected my mother and I on this day from the demon that had been worshiped.

When in danger, ask El to save you, and he shall.

Voting this

Paradox Personified
Mar 15, 2010

:sun: SoroScrew :sun:

my dad posted:

Don't provoke the giant.

This is my vote.

Canuck-Errant
Oct 28, 2003

MOOD: BURNING - MUSIC: DISCO INFERNO BY THE TRAMMPS
Grimey Drawer

dog kisser posted:

Yeah, hell no, we're not backing off this insolent poo poo thing. Worst case scenario we get a cool scar. Part of the epic journey. Voting Plan Sassmouth!

Worst case scenario we wind up a pariah in a city full of people who look different from us, ostracized by everyone and unable to do any sort of meaningful interaction with the townspeople, and never learn how to read or do anything 'cool' that civilization affords us, AND we get a disfiguring scar across our face that leaves us half-blind and with a speech impediment.

Dog Kisser
Mar 30, 2005

But People have fears that beasts do not. Questions, too.

Canuck-Errant posted:

Worst case scenario we wind up a pariah in a city full of people who look different from us, ostracized by everyone and unable to do any sort of meaningful interaction with the townspeople, and never learn how to read or do anything 'cool' that civilization affords us, AND we get a disfiguring scar across our face that leaves us half-blind and with a speech impediment.

So you agree that it's an awesome start to an adventure and a narrative? Sweet!

Walrusmaster
Sep 21, 2009

dog kisser posted:

Yeah, hell no, we're not backing off this insolent poo poo thing. Worst case scenario we get a cool scar. Part of the epic journey. Voting Plan Sassmouth!

We already have a scar. If we keep acting like a moron the next one is going to be across the jugular, which I'm pretty sure isn't the kind that the ladies are into.

Even if we were to survive, how does it develop us as a character? You were an insolent little poo poo toward the most powerful being you've ever encountered before (dad) and you were constantly beaten for it. Now you've encountered someone who is empirically more powerful, as he killed your dad, and you're going to be a smarmy little rear end to him too? What makes you think the results will be any different?

Act like we have an iota of social intelligence and the king will help us out. Be a smart-rear end little snot and he won't. And for those voting to burst into tears, you must have been the whiniest bunch of 11 year olds. I don't want our defining characteristic to be that we start bawling all the time.

Theglavwen
Jun 10, 2006

Frankly, I don't know anyone who likes Chinese bronzes, but I have one of the finest collections in the country.

Raserys posted:

So just stupid then. :v:

Hopefully Jalitha will try to cover for us, but the King supposedly has magical lie detection powers. Seriously. This is a bad decision.

"Man, Dad's a dick, we ought to gently caress his stupid God and roar out of here like a boss!"
"poo poo, if we say anything slightly provocative to this 'benevolent king' as a confused 11 year old who just watched his dad beheaded, it might turn out he's a royal dick who beats kids. Don't rock the boat you fools!"

Edit: I like Maxhush's plan, though I'm not changing my vote to it, because I think part of its charm is the fact that we're bluntly stating our theological understanding. Its honest, it's what the guy asked for. If the King is the sort to fly off the handle and start throwing around violent judgment to kids who've been taught different theological beliefs, well, better to find out early.

Theglavwen fucked around with this message at 15:56 on May 29, 2013

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009



ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH

Walrusmaster posted:

We already have a scar. If we keep acting like a moron the next one is going to be across the jugular, which I'm pretty sure isn't the kind that the ladies are into.

Vampire romance novels would disagree :colbert:

Hot Dog Day 80
Jun 23, 2003
Plan Tudhalias. sounds good to me.

Please don't provoke the king of the city we are about to go live in :(

White Noise Marine
Apr 14, 2010

Rahul posted:

Tell them he's boss of the sky giants, and worshipped by the people of the land, and who rules over them the way Asherah rules the sea.

Im voting this, along with not pissing off the giant dude.

Raserys
Aug 22, 2011

IT'S YA BOY

Theglavwen posted:

"Man, Dad's a dick, we ought to gently caress his stupid God and roar out of here like a boss!"
"poo poo, if we say anything slightly provocative to this 'benevolent king' as a confused 11 year old who just watched his dad beheaded, it might turn out he's a royal dick who beats kids. Don't rock the boat you fools!"

Cool paraphrasing. :rolleyes:

Didn't exactly see Dad shooting lightning bolts and taking spears to the chest then, did we? And it was pretty clear who won that fight anyway.

We've already decided that he's descended from the El or the sky giants. Implying that he's a monster would be a grave insult to El, since that in turn would be implying that El is a demon on the level of what they think of Asherah.

I'm saying that "plan Sassmouth" is stupid, because why is a "confused 11 year old who just watched his dad beheaded" going to spout, "Heh, maybe YOU guys are the real demons :smug:"

PandaPropaganda
Apr 22, 2008

Rahul posted:

Tell them he's boss of the sky giants, and worshipped by the people of the land, and who rules over them the way Asherah rules the sea.

Voting this, please. Just something simple and not insulting.

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ConfusedPig
Mar 27, 2013


Theglavwen posted:

"poo poo, if we say anything slightly provocative to this 'benevolent king' as a confused 11 year old who just watched his dad beheaded, it might turn out he's a royal dick who beats kids. Don't rock the boat you fools!"

Who the gently caress ever said he is 'benevolent'???

From his point of view, he just got out of a fight he didn't really want to have and he saved one of his kind and her son from (what would look like to anybody to his culture) demon worshippers, while he was just looking for trading partners. I'm not saying he we should kiss his rear end, we should just try to fit in until we grow up and are in a better position to be sassy/exact precise revenge (if you guys will still want to do that by then). Being insulting will get us nothing and just put us into trouble, or just put Jalitha into trouble, which would be pointlessly petty. If you guys want to 'test his character' we will see what kind of person he is soon enough without the need to dig our own grave.

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