Where I Read: Miranda Leek's "Twisted"

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pathetic little tramp: Dec 12, 2005; by Hillary Clinton's assassins; Fallen Rib

Twissted posted:

I tried to adjust the seat belt properly, but it was quite difficult with the real coaster gun tucked away inside my hoodie. I reached for the top clasp to untangle an annoying knot when I heard the safety come off the gun. Thinking too quickly, I moved my hand down to find the safety only for the SUV to ride up on a curb. The jostle was all it took.

It's funny; when you watch people shoot guns in movies or on television, you think you understand the most basic principle of guns is that bullets leave their chamber at an incredible velocity. But this shell travelled like molasses over my grandmother's pancakes as it entered my brain. I thought of her, how kind she was to me, to her neighbours, how she would always make pickles for the county fair and would never even get a third place ribbon. She didn't deserve one, of course, those pickles were awful; but she was my grandmother and I loved her so much that I ate jar after jar, always asking for more.

What happened to me? What happened to the child who loved his grandmother? Now I could barely go a week without murdering a dozen people. Oh God. They all had grandmothers, maybe even their grandmothers made pickles. No time to think anymore though, I'm paralysed and the SUV is stopped on railroad tracks. I can hear the horn. In these last moments, I curse no one but myself.

Twissted posted:

�Thanks.� I replied clicking the phone shut. I stopped at a red light and waited. A police car pulled up beside me. I quickly put on some sunglasses and a baseball cap, that way if the officer looked over he couldn�t know it was me.

The disguise must not have worked as well as I'd thought. The police car turned on its siren and sped out into the intersection. Before I could drive, it had whipped around sideways to block me in. The two officers ran out of the car, guns aimed directly at me. Instinctively, I raised my hands, but forgot that one of them was holding Thunderbark's coaster gun.

Shots rang out and I slumped to the side. I remember the officer reaching in to turn off the ignition. Then I remember nothing.

Twissted posted:

I smiled silently to myself and hung up the phone.

I thought I could feel a large truck rolling by. Looking around, the streets were as deserted as before. It took a few seconds to dawn on me that this was an earthquake.

"In Tennessee?" I sighed. But this must have been a big one. The phone booth toppled over and its glass shattered, showering my body in a thousand tiny cuts. I was only panicked for a moment. I was a roller coaster after all and only a roller coaster can harm another roller coaster. But my wounds weren't healing, the blood was still pouring. I struggled to move, glass shards causing new smaller lacerations on my hands as I used them to prop myself up. I sat there, suddenly out of breath and light-headed when I saw a shadow growing around me on all sides. It took what energy I had left to turn my head to see Ironwheel towering behind me in all his majestic black roller coaster glory.

"My special power is to create earthquakes mother fucker."

pathetic little tramp fucked around with this message at 18:14 on Jun 25, 2013

# ? Jun 25, 2013 17:52

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# ? Apr 16, 2024 17:05

Vonder: May 8, 2007; They've got a spider baby!

JosephWongKS posted:

Stop being so intellectually lazy!

I think this applies to the whole book.

# ? Jun 25, 2013 20:24

Iced Cocoa: Jul 14, 2011

Vertigo: Plot summary Part 2

I did a bit of checking, the next total lunar eclipse that happens on a blood moon will be Oct. 8th, 2014. Though I very much doubt Miranda thought about that.

So, Railrunner got infected by Vertigo, a disease that has 100% fatality rate. And he failed to stop Darkrail's arrival. So he's brought to Timberwolf for treatment.

There Railrunner spends about a week suffering from the various effects of Vertigo (including throwing up mixture of oil and hydraulic fluid) and being in operations. But the end result is that he survives because there is something special in his blood. (My bet is that it's because he had measles when humans.)

But there is a larger problem. Darkrail is out and has reunited with his waiting Fallen brethren. Railrunner and co have to figure out how to defeat him. Thunderbark knows that Firetrack, the second red, was trying to devise a way to defeat him, but he doesn't know where the information about that would be kept. But he knows that there is a Ferris wheel, called Farris, who knows that. The problem is that Farris the Mayor of Hudong, a city far away from where they are.

So Railrunner, Thunderbark, Merrylegs, Static and, ugh, Shadowtrack head out.

As they're heading out, they go through a forest. Static becomes increasingly worried since this forest is the home of his former pack, who had exiled him for befriending Thunderbark. Soon enough, Static gets kidnapped in the dead of night, and it's up to Railrunner to rescue him.

With the possibly dangerous situation, Railrunner asks Shadowtrack to stay behind, because he's driven by instinct to protect her. Despite what he wanted, Shadowtrack disobeys and she and Thunderbark head in the fray when it looks dark for Railrunner. Railrunner gets mad that Shadowtrack went against his direct orders and he goes to sulk.

The conflict will be resolved by the next chapter as according to Leek's Law of "There can't be any lasting conflicts between heroes!" (Shadowtrack will most likely apologize).

The second phase of the journey to Hudong takes them through a mountain gorge called "Coaster Graveyard."

It's a dangerous place as the roller coaster tracks are in disrepair. And that there are savages that call the gorge their home. But after getting in some precarious situation, one of the said savages rescues the group. It's Shureshot (Yes, she spells it that way).

Thunderbark recognizes him since Shureshot was part of a security detail protecting Angeltrack when she had Railrunner. But after Railrunner's assumed death, Shureshot and his team of half-coasters were shunned and they were forced to retreat. Shureshot, along with Jagg and Prototype, decide to join the team.

And so the group makes their way to Hudong. Shureshot and Jagg have to stay outside of the city because they're filthy half-coasters.

After a bit of rest, the rest of the group meets Farris.

Farris doesn't see the real hurry, and jerks Railrunner around by speaking in riddles. Railrunner, amazingly enough, does not threaten him to speak plainly, or that his threats do not affect Farris. Railrunner is left with two clues. "Only a Red can kill an omen" and "Firetrack knows where the secret is" Firetrack is dead already, but there is a museum in Hudong, so the team surmises that the statue of Firetrack there holds the secret of where the method of killing Darkrail is kept.

At the statue, Railrunner sees a personalized message addressed to him in the language that only reds can understand. He has to journey to the "Lost Souls Lair" in the Rangora mountains.

Third and last part comes later.

# ? Jun 25, 2013 20:29

pathetic little tramp: Dec 12, 2005; by Hillary Clinton's assassins; Fallen Rib

Iced Cocoa posted:

Holy art style change batman, this doesn't look nearly as bad, it's as if more thought went into it. I think this is what makes me most annoyed - the premise is kind of goofy but it could work. If only all the rules for her world weren't inherently contradictory, if only all her characters weren't scummy assholes who we want to see die, if only if only if only, we could have a respectable story on our hands.

# ? Jun 25, 2013 20:54

ConfusedPig: Mar 27, 2013

pathetic little tramp posted:

Holy art style change batman, this doesn't look nearly as bad, it's as if more thought went into it. I think this is what makes me most annoyed - the premise is kind of goofy but it could work. If only all the rules for her world weren't inherently contradictory, if only all her characters weren't scummy assholes who we want to see die, if only if only if only, we could have a respectable story on our hands.

If only "Twisted" stopped being "Twisted" and Miranda stopped being Miranda.

# ? Jun 25, 2013 21:00

Voltin Bolt: Oct 17, 2004; IT DOES NOT FIX

pathetic little tramp posted:

Holy art style change batman, this doesn't look nearly as bad, it's as if more thought went into it. I think this is what makes me most annoyed - the premise is kind of goofy but it could work. If only all the rules for her world weren't inherently contradictory, if only all her characters weren't scummy assholes who we want to see die, if only if only if only, we could have a respectable story on our hands.

More shading =/= better art. The background consists of nothing but rocks, random tracks, and more fog than Turok, and the characters are still whittled down to torsos with one pair of arms. Check out any of the layouts on the older work, you can actually see everyone's body and they're interacting with detailed environments.

# ? Jun 25, 2013 23:05

Punished Chuck: Dec 27, 2010

Iced Cocoa posted:

Honestly, beyond the anatomy and the basic concept and everything else, the thing that bugs me the most about Miranda's art is how goddamn smug everybody is all the time.

# ? Jun 25, 2013 23:47

DicktheCat: Feb 15, 2011

It rather bothers me that the roller coasters all have the same face. Literally, just take the trimmings off, and every single one of them is the same. Why aren't there different types of coasters, like those hangy-down ones, or a wooden one, so on and so forth?

# ? Jun 26, 2013 01:32

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

DicktheCat posted:

It rather bothers me that the roller coasters all have the same face. Literally, just take the trimmings off, and every single one of them is the same. Why aren't there different types of coasters, like those hangy-down ones, or a wooden one, so on and so forth?

Thunderbark's supposed to be a wooden coaster, but he has the same face as every other coaster anyway.

# ? Jun 26, 2013 01:42

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Chapter 60 - Friend or Foe?
Part One

quote:

I hurried to the trunk of the Hummer and grabbed the bag containing the false gun.

The gun isn�t �false�, it�s just that the bullets inside are �fake� �coaster-killers�. Railrunner is too stupid to understand that simple distinction.

quote:

I threw the sash around my shoulder and slammed the trunk shut. I then walked back to the driver�s side and snagged the keys from the ignition. I walked up to the tall chain link fence that surrounded the park�s perimeter.

Normally, I would have climbed up the fence in less than two seconds, but in this case that was impossible because Captain Vick had to ave [sic] a way in. So there was no other choice but to open the back gate and keep it unlocked.

I easily located the entrance and shoved my key into the rusted lock.

I did a word search for �key� in all my chapter reviews up to Chapter 59. Not once was there a mention of Railrunner getting the key to the Park from Thunderbark or anyone else.

Also, shouldn�t the �entrance� be at the �front gate� instead of the �back gate�?

quote:

It finally snapped and the gate reluctantly creaked open.

Why did he need the key if he was just going to break the lock anyway?

quote:

I entered silently, discreet like a ninja.

Railrunner has �charged like a gladiator� (Chapter 41), �[fought] like knights� (Chapter 41), �howled like a wolf� (Chapter 16), �squeezed like an anaconda� (Chapter 40), and �[mauled] each other like fighting wolves�. In short, acted like everything other than a �roller coaster�.

quote:

I took one last look over my shoulder to see if any one followed or saw me, with no one in sight, I ventured deep into Mystic Park.

My muscles strengthened beneath my skin as I moved between the silent rides of Mystic Park. At this time of year, the park was usually buzzing with employees that worked on assembling new additions,

In Chapter 1, he said that he�d never been to Mystic Park or any other amusement park, and then after that he went there for a brief �job interview� (Chapter 1), when he chased those two brave police officers into the Park (Chapter 11), when he went to murder those hundreds of police officers after escaping from jail and stealing the McGuffin Jewel (Chapter 18), and when he returned to the real world to �protect� Clare and murder Ironwheel (Chapter 50). He�s never worked a single day in the Park or spent an extended period of time there, nor have there been any scenes of Thunderbark talking about his life as a �human� coaster engineer with Railrunner.

So how the hell would Railrunner know what the Park is busy with from season to season?

quote:

but due to my presence and screw-ups, the park delayed any constriction on new rides. That might have been a good idea on their part.

My keen ears picked up a rustling noise not to [sic] far from where I was standing. I quickly pulled my hood over my head and pulled out my gun.

I started to move quicker among the shadows towards the coaster track. I veered into a dark alley between two gift shops. Before I made it to the end, a guard walked out in front of me.

�What are you doing here!� he demanded raising his club and waving it around like a caveman. I charged to him, but before he could swing I put the gun to his forehead. I watched in amusement as beads of sweat rolled down his face.

List of things that Railrunner has found �amusing

Chapter 4 � �Railrunner crossly walked up to the police. They began to fire, their bullets simply bouncing off of him. He then grabbed the front bumper of the cruiser, and tossed it like a toy. It smashed into another car. Railrunner flung an officer out of his way and roared in sheer amusement. Within a blink of an eye he obliterated the small police force.�

Chapter 27 � �I began to walk up her perfectly paved sidewalk, when Mittens jumped out and hissed at me. I rolled my eyes and barred a set of gleaming white fangs at the cat. Its hair stood on end as it ran away yowling. I smiled a little in amusement.�

Chapter 47 � �My beam�s aftershocks badly damaged the city, again I found myself laughing in pure amusement.�

Chapter 50 - "I tightened my hold on his neck, his eyes seemed to bulge, and I found that amusing."

Chapter 60 - "I charged to him, but before he could swing I put the gun to his forehead. I watched in amusement as beads of sweat rolled down his face."

Heroes try to avoid doing harm to innocents. Anti-heroes accept that sometimes they can�t avoid harming innocents in the course of their duties. Even many villains simply disregard collateral damage without having any feelings about it one way or another. What Railrunner has is Joker-levels of malicious pleasure in causing pain for its own sake. It absolutely baffles me how Miranda Leek can think that Railrunner is in any way, shape or form a likable character.

quote:

�Don�t make any sudden moves,� I demanded. The frightened guard simply nodded. This poor man could not see Captain Vick and I this evening, I would have to dispose of him. Like lightning, I flipped the gun into the air. I then used the handle and clobbered him on the side of the head. The guard fell to the ground knocked out cold. I flipped the gun around and stuck it through my belt and then pulled out my cell phone.

I�m surprised Railrunner didn�t shoot the poor guy.

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 14:45 on Jun 26, 2013

# ? Jun 26, 2013 13:45

Iced Cocoa: Jul 14, 2011

Voltin Bolt posted:

More shading =/= better art. The background consists of nothing but rocks, random tracks, and more fog than Turok, and the characters are still whittled down to torsos with one pair of arms. Check out any of the layouts on the older work, you can actually see everyone's body and they're interacting with detailed environments.

One thing that really gets to me in the new "style" Leek is using is that she's using so much human anatomy. In the Turok fog picture, can you even begin to imagine that the next set of limbs, that are only seen partially before the image ends, are actually another set of arms? Leek simply copies human anatomy without knowing for what reason those muscles are there. It is kind of clear that Miranda is aware of that problem of hers, as when she has to show the whole body, she will:

Show her humanoid coaster, cut it off at the "legs" and show the rest disconnected. It's like those videos where you see a great net-only basketball shot, but the ball goes out of the frame so that the CGI can take over.
Go to great lengths to hide the abs.
Actually forget they're not supposed to be humanoid and add the rest as an afterthought (Shadowtrack being sexy example)

There was a point where she was at least trying to show them off standing on their actual legs and showing off all the limbs. But there is only one example of the transition point and it is... :sigh:

it is a different :nws:

Shadowtrack being sexy image.

But I guess studying animal anatomy and seeing how it could be applied is to drat hard for her.

# ? Jun 26, 2013 13:50

Voltin Bolt: Oct 17, 2004; IT DOES NOT FIX

Iced Cocoa posted:

Actually forget they're not supposed to be humanoid

Every time I see this one, I can only think, "those poor cats" :cry:

# ? Jun 26, 2013 14:12

Bobbin Threadbare: Jan 2, 2009; I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

JosephWongKS posted:

The gun isn�t �false�, it�s just that the bullets inside are �fake� �coaster-killers�. Railrunner is too stupid to understand that simple distinction.

The bullets aren't even fake, they're improvised. "Fake" bullets don't act like real bullets in any way, shape, or form; either the gunpowder is missing or it's a blank round or else it's a plastic prop. At best in this situation, a "false" gun would be one loaded with the non-dangerous normal rounds instead of the improvised "coaster-killers."

# ? Jun 26, 2013 15:55

Mercedes: Mar 7, 2006; "So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.

quote:

�Don�t make any sudden moves,� I demanded. The frightened guard simply nodded. This poor man could not see Captain Vick and I this evening, I would have to dispose of him. Like lightning, I flipped the gun into the air. I then used the handle and clobbered him on the side of the head. The guard fell to the ground knocked out cold. I flipped the gun around and stuck it through my belt and then pulled out my cell phone.

Something really bothers me about this passage. "Rodney flips the gun into the air" which I could see him do it, but he does it "like lightning" which I'm assuming Miranda meant faster than what the human eye can process. WTF happened to gravity in this situation? It another one of Railrunner's Mary Sue powers controlling the gravity of other objects?

One other thing.

The handle is where you hold the gun, which is either underneath where the trigger is, or upfront where you wrap your other hand to hold the gun upwards. The stock is what you hold against your shoulder for support, and also the part where you can club someone over the head with. I am 100% certain she did absolutely no research for anything in her fanfiction of Bobbin's book in progress.

poo poo, you don't even need to flip the drat gun in the air to access the stock as a weapon. loving bring it around and smash them in the side of the head. I hate Miranda Leek and I hate her book and I hate her characters and goddamnit she is the worst.

I don't know why this bothers me more than anything else.

Mercedes fucked around with this message at 21:03 on Jun 26, 2013

# ? Jun 26, 2013 20:09

my dad: Oct 17, 2012; this shall be humorous

Mercedes posted:

I don't know why this bothers me more than anything else.

Your mind is trying to protect you from the consequences of severe Miranda exposure.

# ? Jun 26, 2013 20:48

Iced Cocoa: Jul 14, 2011

Mercedes posted:

I don't know why this bothers me more than anything else.

What bothers me the most when it comes to guns is Detective Black carrying a rifle in a crowded opening day at an amusement park/fair or whatever it is called.

# ? Jun 26, 2013 21:44

Mercedes: Mar 7, 2006; "So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.

Iced Cocoa posted:

What bothers me the most when it comes to guns is Detective Black carrying a rifle in a crowded opening day at an amusement park/fair or whatever it is called.

That bothered me as well, but at that point in the story, I was somewhat hopeful. The crowd not going chaotic when a man brandishes a loving rifle was eclipsed by the stupid surrounding that specific event; which is not the point. The point is that I (mistakenly) gave Miranda the benefit of the doubt.

Thinking about it again, where the hell did Black get a goddamn machete?

# ? Jun 26, 2013 22:03

attackbunny: May 1, 2009

Mercedes posted:

quote:
�Don�t make any sudden moves,� I demanded. The frightened guard simply nodded. This poor man could not see Captain Vick and I this evening, I would have to dispose of him. Like lightning, I flipped the gun into the air. I then used the handle and clobbered him on the side of the head. The guard fell to the ground knocked out cold. I flipped the gun around and stuck it through my belt and then pulled out my cell phone.

Something really bothers me about this passage. "Rodney flips the gun into the air" which I could see him do it, but he does it "like lightning" which I'm assuming Miranda meant faster than what the human eye can process. WTF happened to gravity in this situation? It another one of Railrunner's Mary Sue powers controlling the gravity of other objects?

One other thing.

The handle is where you hold the gun, which is either underneath where the trigger is, or upfront where you wrap your other hand to hold the gun upwards. The stock is where you hold against your shoulder for support, and also the part where you can club someone over the head with. I am 100% certain she did absolutely no research for anything in her fanfiction of Bobbin's book in progress.

poo poo, you don't even need to flip the drat gun in the air to access the stock as a weapon. loving bring it around and smash them in the side of the head. I hate Miranda Leek and I hate her book and I hate her characters and goddamnit she is the worst.

I don't know why this bothers me more than anything else.

Is it definitely a rifle? Rodney sticks it through his belt a couple lines after that, and I would have thought that would be hard with anything other than a handgun. Does she mean he pistolwhipped the guy?

Anyway, whatever he's doing he's blatantly not adhering to principles of gun safety. Pointing a loaded gun at someone's head, even with the safety on? Railrunner could totally have killed that guy by accident.

# ? Jun 26, 2013 22:12

Iced Cocoa: Jul 14, 2011

The image for this chapter. Notice the new snazzy leather coat with metal spikes.

If Railrunner is seventeen feet tall, then this gun in his purse is clearly pretty heavy-duty something. Larger than a rifle at least.

# ? Jun 26, 2013 22:17

DicktheCat: Feb 15, 2011

I'm so glad this thread exists. This thread fills that schadenfreude-shaped hole left in my life by the end of Dominic Deegan.

# ? Jun 27, 2013 00:22

Bobbin Threadbare: Jan 2, 2009; I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

Mercedes posted:

Thinking about it again, where the hell did Black get a goddamn machete?

Fleet Farm, or Gander Mountain. They're pretty easy to find in sporting goods stores. Even northern forests can get undergrowth thick enough to call for one, and you can also use them for lawn care if you have a particularly wild area on your property.

# ? Jun 27, 2013 01:11

Kinu Nishimura: Apr 24, 2008; SICK LOOT!

I hope you guys enjoy this, because otherwise I just spent an hour reading Twisted aloud for nothing.

# ? Jun 27, 2013 02:25

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Chapter 60 - Friend or Foe?
Part Two of Three

quote:

�Yes?� Thunderbark answered.

�Hey, why didn�t you tell me there were guards here!� I said whispering angrily into the phone.

It�s a large public place, and Thunderbark was an employee and not the owner of the park so the park wouldn�t shut down in his absence, so of course there�d be guards patrolling the place. How can Railrunner have lived in human society for 38 years and be completely ignorant of its norms?

quote:

�Guards? There isn�t supposed to be any walking around this time of year. I guess they stepped up security since you arrived. Do you see any more?�

�Not at the moment, no.�

�Well, there is probably only one or two; Mystic Park never goes overboard with guards in the cold months.� He said.

�I hope you are right, Thunderbark.�

�Just in case I�m wrong - I would hurry to the rails.� He said sternly.

�Right, thanks. I will keep in touch.�

�Copy that,� he replied hanging up.

I was alone again in the park. Thunderbark was right, I needed to get to the track fast. It would be much easier to do things as a roller coaster than it would as a human.

The only thing it�s easier to do as a roller coaster is murder people. Coincidentally, that�s the only thing that Railrunner cares about.

quote:

I started to jog; I had a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach that there were more of them than I expected.

If you are expecting more guards, perhaps you shouldn�t �jog�, idiot. Either you run at full pace to get out of their range, or you walk quietly to avoid detection.

quote:

I rounded a corner to discover that I had a good reason to have a hunch. Four security guards stood in a circle discussing matters. I froze, but they had not seen me yet. I snuck quietly ahead, unfortunately I wasn�t looking where I was going and hit a trash can.

It banged on the ground loudly and all of the waste spilled out onto the walk. My head shot up to see all of the men�s eyes on me.

�Excuse me sir, what are you doing here?� a chubby guard spoke as he walked to me. The others followed him welding clubs.

The only other time that Miranda Leek has described someone as �fat� or a synonym thereof was in Chapter 11 � �The news crews began to make their broadcast. They started to interview a tubby police officer that kept pulling at his belt.� It�s only security personnel that are fat-shamed in this book.

quote:

�Well -,� was all I could mutter through my lips.

�I ask you again, what are you doing here?� he said laying his club on my chest. I glared down at the plastic rod lying on my black hoodie. I smiled and raised my pierced eyebrow.

�You don�t want to see me furious.� I replied under my breath.

�All right no more funny stuff,� the guard said as another handcuffed me behind the back. This charade was getting old.

�You boys probably don�t want to be doing that.� I said giving the head guard a deadly gaze. The guard pushed me from behind, forcing me to walk forward.

�Move your rear end!� he said frustrated.

I had enough. I yanked my arms and broke the hand cuffs in two, their links falling to the concrete. I hit the man in front of me in the jaw, knocking him senseless to the ground. He placed his hand over his bloody mouth and his face twisted into a sour expression.

The avatar of Amusement Park Between�s hopes and dreams only knows how to solve a crisis � almost always crises of his own making - with violence, often gratuitously sadistic and excessive violence. How and why does Miranda Leek think this is admirable?

quote:

�Get him!� He yelled as I turned and ran for the track; hitting a man with his own club in the process. The remaining guards thundered after me as I moved blindly, my heart pounding like a drum.

I swerved in and out of buildings, leaping over crates and containers with precision. I could feel my limbs tingle and the Augu Ra grew hot against my bare chest. A shot of pain went down my spine rapidly. I stopped and ducked behind an information kiosk. I sat and went on with continuous labored breathing. My heart rate was sky high as my skin burned. My limbs tingled and shook as I saw my skin start to generate a red tint. I looked up to see that the rails were not but a few feet away. I forced myself to my feet, and glanced behind my back to see one of the guards running so fast that there was no way of stopping him.

At the last second, I held out my arm. The ignorant fool ran straight into it, busting his nose. Without hesitating for another second, I ran for the rails. I jumped high into the air and landed on my hands and feet onto the cold metal track. Immediately the change started to occur. My veins moved like snakes beneath my skin. The rattling and cracking of my ribs sounded as tall black seats rose from my back. My tailbone extended as my nose pushed forward into a snout. Fingers fused together forming my heavy wheels as my eyes turned to their scarlet and amber appearance. The change began to slow and soon it stopped. I arose slowly and turned to see the men cowering like toddlers.

I snarled from underneath my cloak�s hood. Several of the men ran for their lives without looking back.

�You.� That fat security guard said pointing. �You demon!�

�I told you that you would not want to see furious.� I laughed. The guard jumped to his feet and sprinted away. Funny that I actually was letting one of my victims escape.

A little self-awareness for once, in that Miranda Leek recognizes that the people Railrunner torments and bullies are �victims�.

quote:

It wouldn�t matter if they called the real police since they were coming anyway.

I pounced down from my perch and searched for a well suited meeting place. A few moments later, I found a nice shaded spot under the lift hill. I positioned myself and got as comfortable as I could possibly get. All I could to do now was wait for the Captain.

Finally night had fallen upon the real world. Fireflies flickered among the trees as bats swooped down from the dark sky to satisfy their hunger.

The nights here, in the real world, did not seem as magical as the ones in Amusement Park Between. There, the night life was just as active as the day. Here however, there was nothing interesting to be heard but the occasional siren.

The �magical� �active� �night life� in Amusement Park Between has never been described or depicted in the book. Making bald assertions without having the slightest shred of supporting evidence � truly Miranda Leek is well-suited to be a politician.

quote:

I stood, leaning against one of the supports. Time had ticked by and Captain Vick was nowhere to be seen.

�Why is he running behind!� I growled. I began to think, maybe Vick was planning a sneak attack. Could he have perhaps have troops lying in wait for the perfect time to strike?

Didn�t Railrunner just say �It wouldn�t matter if they called the real police since they were coming anyway�? Why is he now concerned that Captain Vick was �planning a sneak attack�?

Secondly, why is he only now suspecting that Captain Vick was �planning a sneak attack�? Shouldn�t that be the first thing one anticipates? How �advanced� can the coasters be if they are constantly surprised and never plan for contingencies?

Thirdly, why is Railrunner angry at the thought that Captain Vick was �planning a sneak attack�? He did the same thing when he attacked the jail in Amusement Park Between.

quote:

My negative thoughts were silenced once my ears picked the click of a car door.

How can ears sharp enough to �[pick] the click of a car door� have missed the far louder and continuous sound of the car driving into the place?

And why should the "negative thoughts" be "silenced" upon this "click of a car door"? Railrunner doesn't know what's the door or how many people are in it. It could be the door of an armoured van carrying a squad of SWAT agents.

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 03:29 on Jun 27, 2013

# ? Jun 27, 2013 02:25

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Chapter 60 - Friend or Foe?
Part Three of Three

quote:

I pulled my hood over my face, and then I zeroed in on where I heard the clang of the door. I allowed myself to hear Vick�s solid footsteps on the pavement. I heard the crackle of his breath in the wind, and him scuffle around; finally finding the park�s entrance. I felt myself smile with anticipation, I then tilted my head back and howled like a wolf; pushing the Captain�s greed and curiosity further.

Captain Vick finally came into view, he wandered between buildings, and he kept his hand over a pistol that was in his holder. At last he spotted me and walked my way.

�Do you humans always show up fashionably late?� I said as he stopped about a meter from me.

�Evening Railrunner, to answer your question we actually obey the traffic laws.� He replied chuckling a little.

There is no reason for Captain Vick to be acting so cordially towards a wanted criminal who just murdered / injured another group of people as recently as the day before and whose last interaction with Captain Vick entailed the brutal death by burning of Captain Vick�s brave colleagues in Chapter 28:

�You�ll now learn that I play with fire!� Railrunner yelled. A searing inferno completely wiped out the first row of helpless men. All Vick could now see was the hungry flames in front of him. But out of nowhere, Railrunner sailed over the tank that Vick stood upon. He landed untouched on the other side.

The roller coaster headed for the portal, but out of the consuming fireball he had created, emerged six tanks full of angry humans. Railrunner turned to face them, he was ready. All at once the tanks fired missiles. Railrunner simply knocked them off course. He then bended them back to his pursuers. It eliminated one tank. Railrunner smiled, then he let loose a concussion beam. I rid him of his problems and the city could feel its massive shockwave. Railrunner continued his escape route.

They aren�t old foes who�ve built up a grudging respect each other, it hasn�t been decades since Railrunner committed his atrocities such that time has healed all wounds, and Ironwheel hasn�t committed anywhere near the level of Railrunner�s offences such that he�s a credible mutual foe against whom you reluctantly ally with past enemies. Miranda Leek doesn�t know how to write believable characters and responses.

quote:

�If you can�t tell, I�m not made for the road.� I sneered.

�Well, are you going to tell me everything I need to know?� Vick said as he crossed his arms.

What the gently caress does Vick �need to know� anyway? Railrunner�s right there, loving arrest him or kill him if he resists capture!

quote:

�After you agree to - a bargain.�

�What? I didn�t -.�

�Listen Captain, we need your help.�

�Help?� he said confused.

�Yes. But first I need to know if I can trust you, remember I can tell if you are lying. Here are some facts that will guide you to the correct decision. One, you despise me tearing up this city. Two, is that you simply want me and my allies gone. But most of all, you want humans to be safe.�

�Hmmm - still why I should help.�

�There is an even greater threat that will destroy both our worlds if we don�t stop him. His name is Ironwheel and he will enslave the human race and destroy the rest of my kind if he gets the chance.� I said stern but gentle.

Why the gently caress should Captain Vick believe anything Railrunner, a known mass murderer, has to say? This whole scene is loving ridiculous and it infuriates me that anyone would write this dreck and believe it to be acceptable for publication and sale.

quote:

Vick looked at me and I sensed a pinch of harmony in his green eyes.

�A pinch of harmony�. :psyduck:

quote:

Perhaps I was getting somewhere.

�Tell me what I must do.�

�Simple, I need you to patrol the city and call me if you see him.� I said holding out a set of wheels. Captain Vick looked at them hesitating, then he placed his hand where I desired it to be, shaking on it.

No no no no no no no. There�s no reason for Captain Vick to take Railrunner at his word. Railrunner has not given Captain Vick any reason to trust him or believe him. If you want to do a �hated enemies ally against a bigger common enemy� then you have to build up that third party as a credible bigger enemy. How can a writer be so intellectually lazy? :argh:

quote:

�Nice to see a human choosing wisely.� I grinned as I took my hood off.

�There are so many questions that I wish to ask you, Railrunner.� He said.

�Yet my answers are limited.� I replied. �I still have things to learn as well as you do.�

�So be it.� He replied. While he stood, I searched inside him. I looked for lie upon lie, but found none. The truth overpowered everything, Captain Vick was being serious. Suddenly instinct came back into play, but this time it was my better one. I would tell the Captain the truth, but not all of it on the behalf of Amusement Park Between. After all, it wasn�t like he could read minds.

�What is it that you wish to know first?� I asked him.

�I want to know - where you came from.�

�Tall order, but I can squeeze it in. Where to begin? Oh yes, in my world I am the only red roller coaster there is. I am the only one that was born and not built. The red is always destined for a purpose. It was made for stopping a terrible event that is to occur in our world�s future. Now my story, Ironwheel came to power after he arrived at our world. He had the deepest of hatred for humans, but he also loved having control. He soon became king after he sent out his followers to kill any ride that stood in his way. A red roller coaster that was called Moonblood, had the destiny to kill him, but he failed. Ironwheel slaughtered him in a brutal battle.�

�Hmmm, so where do you come in exactly?�

�Ten harrowing years went by and our world lived in fear. Then, err - after my mother�s discovery that I was coming, the rides your men claimed to see last night watched over my mother until my arrival. However, for some odd reason the moment when the red is born, every coaster knows of its existence. Including drat Ironwheel. They took me to the real world to make sure I would be safe from the army that was sent after us. Thirty six years later, I�m here with my allies hunting him down.�

�That�s it then?�

�All of it that I know. Any questions?� I replied leaning on the support.

�Yes how did you�re -.�

�Don�t ask because I don�t even know how!�

�Forget it. You did say on the phone that you had a weapon that could kill a roller coaster, is there a way I could see it?� he asked lighting up a cigarette.

I pulled the large gun out of my bag, right away Vick�s eyebrows went up. I had a really good lie conquered [sic] up for this one.

Which part of the thesaurus did �conquered� come from? :lol:

quote:

�This gun was made to kill only Ironwheel. You see, I am the only thing that can slay him and vice versa. The bullets are made from my metal so they will do damage.� I said handing him the gun, holding back a snicker.

Captain Vick tucked the gun away in a large briefcase that he had on him.

�One more thing,� he said turning to me. �Where do all the rides in your world come from if they are not born like you?�

�I told you already Captain, my answers are limited and I still have a lot to learn.� I replied knowing that he would ask that question.

�Very well then,� he sighed. �Before I depart, can you give me a brief description of Ironwheel�s appearance?�

95th sigh of the book.

quote:

�Certainly, he is a big black roller coaster with silver tattoos all over him. Ironwheel has numerous piercings, trust me you can�t miss him.�

Why does Railrunner even need to mention Ironwheel�s piercings? It�s not like animated roller coasters are dime a dozen in the �real world�.

quote:

�Thanks and your number, Railrunner?�

I smiled and tossed him the phone. He looked at it strangely.

�I�m not exactly listed, but I do like to tinker with things. That phone will only call my buddy�s, just press one.� I said with a smile. I watched the Captain put it into his bag and then he said farewell. He looked up for an answer, but I was already gone.

+ + +

This is the stupidest chapter in the book so far, and that�s really saying something.

# ? Jun 27, 2013 03:47

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Interlude - Fatal Attraction

quote:

He felt the life slipping from his grasp. He lay, staring up at his calling card, the moon. His body was in great pain far worse that [sic] any mortal could imagine. He shut his eyes in agony as the one he loved stood above him sobbing, and time ticked by slowly.

+ + +

# ? Jun 27, 2013 03:57

Mercedes: Mar 7, 2006; "So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.

I.. I... Uh. I want to shut my brain off.

# ? Jun 27, 2013 03:59

Bobbin Threadbare: Jan 2, 2009; I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

JosephWongKS posted:

Which part of the thesaurus did �conquered� come from?

At a guess, "congured" [conjured] got spellchecked to "conquered." In fact, "conquered" is on the list of alternatives on my web browser.

Bobbin Threadbare posted:

I'm kind of curious where the author intends to go with Detective Black; on one hand the narrator pointed out that he thinks he's completely justified in bringing Rodney to justice (leaving aside that, objectively, he is), but on the other the narrator used the adjective "malicious." Black may wind up getting killed off at something resembling a climax, but even if he somehow gets "converted" to Railrunner's side, the Black we know and love may end up just as dead to us as if his torso were shredded apart.

Hot drat, I get to be right twice.

"Captain" Vick is now dead to me. :colbert:

# ? Jun 27, 2013 04:09

Kinu Nishimura: Apr 24, 2008; SICK LOOT!

Yeah, now I'm kind of sad I made him Dr. Claw.

# ? Jun 27, 2013 04:17

where the red fern gropes: Aug 24, 2011

Bobbin Threadbare posted:

At a guess, "congured" [conjured] got spellchecked to "conquered." In fact, "conquered" is on the list of alternatives on my web browser.

Hot drat, I get to be right twice.

"Captain" Vick is now dead to me.

Captain Vick is being mind-controlled by Ironwheel, since mind-control is a power that rollercoasters have. That's why Vick could lie - because it wasn't him talking.

# ? Jun 27, 2013 04:23

Seraphic Neoman: Jul 19, 2011

NO NO NO NO NO

I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS HORSESHIT.

Step aside Bobbin, I will use my (incredibly mediocre) writing skills to fix this.

~Fanfictions~ posted:

Agent Robert "Captain" Vicks arrived on the scene ahead of his colleagues. "This place is going to turn into a warzone!" he growled to himself.
Sliding his SUV to a stop, he ran to the back and opened his trunk, where a plethora of weapons greeted him. He put on a protective vest and Veronica, his trusty RPG.
"Maybe we can send him a proper greeting card this time around, huh Ronnie?" He said to his launcher as he put in a new round into the barrel. This one had "HAPPY TRAILS!" stenciled on it in rainbow-coloured letters. Vicks was very proud of the way it turned out.
He got up and began arming himself with other goodies from the back of his van. All of it was from his personal stash and about half of it was illegal, but his superiors turned a blind eye since their superiors wanted Blood Red Railrunner stopped at, quote unquote, "any cost".
Vicks could hardly blame them, having witnessed first-hand the destructive power of the roller-coaster. The images of all those men and all those tanks, gone in a second. All vaporized by that horrible, searing, blinding light. He could still see their faces, a mix of confusion and horror...
Vicks shook his head. 'Blood Red Railrunner, the Rollercoaster of Destruction'. How absurd. What the gently caress happened to this town?
"Captain! The men are set sir!"
Miles Stewart, a sub-ordinate of his, shook him from his thoughts.
"Good. Prepare yourself. This bastard is dangerous. He killed many good soldiers and friends. Make the bastard pay!" Vicks growled.
"Sir!" The man nodded and returned to his fellow agents. Vicks noted a the MGL the man was carrying. How did they even get to this point? In just 4 short months he went from an FBI agent (with an admitted penchant for gun-slinging) to a vengeful soldier. It's like the entire world went mad, like it wanted a re-enactment of Black Rock.
"Well that's fine. The Captain is ready for that." he thought bitterly.
There was a sudden clunk and portion of Mystic Park's lights turned on.
"He's here. Spread out and find him. Ensure you all have enough AC, AP and shock rounds! If you run out, run away! There is no second chances here!" Vicks commanded.
There was a general chorus of shouts.
"Now c'mon! We'll fly this bastard to the moon, even if we have to bring down this whole loving park!" and with that, Vicks ran into the lit up area, ready to sic Veronica on whatever moved.
He noticed a severed arm nearby, the blood still dripping from where it was attached to the rest of the body. Blood Red claimed yet another victim.
"I thought you would come alone" said a voice that chilled Vicks to his core. "This wasn't part of the agreement."
"I lied." answered Vicks, desperately trying to locate the source of the voice. Despite his immense size, Railrunner proved to be good at stealth, even in a well-lit area like this one.
"Why do you have all those weapons? You know that human weapons are useless, right?" the voice sneered "I have your answer here. Just help me and I will never bother you humans again."
"No deal. You will pay for your crimes. Here and now."
"You still hate me! Still hate me for what I am! You still persecute me because I'm different!" the voice whined. Vicks never understood these out-of-place temper-tantrums, nor did he want to. This...thing...was a psychopath that needed to die.
"NO! I hate you for killing Morgan! I hate you for killing Steven! They all had families! Did you ever consider that while you butchered them!?" Vicks roared.
"Why should I care about a few human lives?" The voice sounded genuinely puzzled, which only angered Vicks even more.
Just then, an anti-material rifle shot ran out. There was a sound of a dull clang and a howl of pain. Vicks focused on the direction of the noise.
"What the gently caress!?" The voice roared
"Anti-Coaster rounds. Made from the same material the Paranaturals used to capture you! We don't need your weapon, we have our own!" Vicks aimed Veronica at the approximate direction of the voice.
"Don't underestimate humanity!" And with that, he fired the round. There as an enormous explosion, and a scream of pain. Vicks didn't stop. He flicked his left arm and made a second RPG round appear from within his sleeve. He ducked behind a nearby fast food stand and began to reload Veronica.
There was a roar and a stream of fire blew across from where he was standing. Vicks fumbled his vest and found a mirror. He used to it glance around the corner, and saw the dreaded rollercoaster.
"So Captain, you like to play with fire!? Well I do too! Let's play!" Railrunner lifted two of its arms and began to form an enormous fireball.
There was another anti-material rifle shot, but this one didn't even faze the beast. Railrunner slammed the orb into the ground, making Vicks scrurry away as the stand he was using for cover was obliterated instantly.
"At last this is interesting. You humans made me so angry, but you were so boring to kill!"
"Before I was working with the school choir," Vicks retorted. "But now I got the whole orchestra out! C'mon Veronica! Sing the Volga to him!"
Vicks lined up his shot and let it fly. The missile accurately flew between two stands and through a hole in a ruined one. It met its mark, causing a howl of pain from the demon.
"This isn't over you gently caress!" Railrunner smashed through a nearby stand.
"I sure hope not" said Vicks as he drew a grenade launcher from his belt.

Seraphic Neoman fucked around with this message at 05:54 on Jun 27, 2013

# ? Jun 27, 2013 05:18

where the red fern gropes: Aug 24, 2011

SSNeoman posted:

NO NO NO NO NO

I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS HORSESHIT.

Step aside Bobbin, I will use my (incredibly mediocre) writing skills to fix this.

The day is saved!

But... where's Detective Black? Surely he's recovered from being slightly inconvenienced earlier in the book.

# ? Jun 27, 2013 05:44

Iced Cocoa: Jul 14, 2011

I've never understood the purpose of this chapter. Railrunner gives Vick an ordinary gun with ordinary bullets, and tells him that it was made to kill only Ironwheel. With Miranda's writing you know that he's being set up for failure because he wouldn't end up betraying Railrunner anyway as Miranda intends to let him think that Ironwheel is the greater threat. This chapter could have been as simple as "Railrunner told Vick not to shoot at him, but at Ironwheel" as that would have the exact same results. Railrunner could have given him the actual bullets made from Thunderbark, told him the same thing as before and Miranda would have written Vick as believing it was the truth because I don't see her actually allowing Railrunner to be wrong about trusting someone or having someone shoot Railrunner in the back once it is all over.

gently caress this chapter.

# ? Jun 27, 2013 08:35

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

6 more chapters to go, and they are all very long chapters. :negative:

# ? Jun 27, 2013 10:28

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Chapter 61 � Moondance
Part One

quote:

I continued to run through the trees, never stopping to look back at Captain Vick. I was very surprised he would give in so easily. Maybe, perhaps, he was tired of the whole charade. I wouldn�t blame him, I too, was sick of all the chaos.

Chaos you created, you murderous monster!

quote:

I finally reached the old factory after only a few minutes. I moved quickly across the cracked lot. Steam bellowed out from the manholes, filling the air with a dense mist, which I upset as I passed through.

Steam implies boiling water. I hope that the steam rising from the manholes means that a live electric circuit has fallen into the pipelines running below the factory and that the whole place is going to blow up, taking those horrible vile creatures away with them.

quote:

Out of the so called �fog� emerged Thunderbark�s familiar white figure. His mouth was twisted with worry and his icy eyes flickered.

�Railrunner? What in the world happened? You never called.�

�I�ll answer everything once we go inside. Trust me, you will be pleased.�

Thunderbark flashed a smile then followed me into the warm factory.

Everyone sat around doing as they pleased. Buddy and Sly played cards just as they always did. Static balanced a rusty rod on his cable, twirling it around like a baton. Merrylegs and Clare stayed in a continuous conversation. However, all their heads snapped to our direction once we entered the factory floor.

�Well?� Static asked, eager for the answer.

�Mission complete.� I said sitting onto the conveyer belt.

�What did the captain say?� Thunderbark said while he sat in front of me.

�Well, first we sort of tossed out some remarks, and then I made him shake on a deal. I told him the legend of our world -.�

�You told him about Amusement Park Between!� Thunderbark said angrily.

�No! I didn�t tell him what our world was called! I just told him some facts but I left out the main details.�

�Okay then, sorry for interrupting.� Thunderbark said sitting back down.

Add that to the list of apologies that Railrunner has received.

quote:

�What I did was this; he agreed to call us when he saw Ironwheel. I in turn, gave him the fake gun with the false bullets. I told Captain Vick that they were made too [sic] kill Ironwheel only, if you know what I�m getting at.�

Thunderbark smiled a broad grin. His grey eyebrows rose as he began to stroke his small beard. He started to chuckle from deep down in his chest.

�That, Railrunner was the greatest bullshit I�ve ever seen anybody pull off!� he laughed.

Only because Miranda Leek made Captain Vick even stupider than Railrunner and flouted every principle of character motivation and consistency.

quote:

Thunderbark then went to chat with Static and Merrylegs. I however had something else on my mind. I motioned for Clare; she looked at me with one of her soft smiles.

�Yes, Railrunner?� she asked.

�How about you and I go on a little date?�

�What!� she whispered shocked. �Now! To where?�

�It is a secret, but I think you�ll like it. I find it quite magical.�

Either there�s going to be a Railrunner-Clare sex scene, or Clare gets turned into Shadowtrack in this chapter. Both are horrible to contemplate. :gonk:

quote:

�All right, but first I need to change -.�

Foreshadowing! :gonk:

quote:

�You don�t need to do that! Just come on!� I said urging her to climb aboard while Thunderbark and the others weren�t looking. Clare looked back to where they stood, she then hopped onto my back and the both of us snuck out the door into the night.

How do they even �[sneak] out the door� when everyone else is right there in the room. How. At the least, won't they notice that Railrunner and Clare aren't there any more?

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 12:18 on Jun 27, 2013

# ? Jun 27, 2013 10:41

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Chapter 61 � Moondance
Part Two

quote:

I bounded through the woods with Clare bouncing and laughing upon me. This was like the night that I first got in control and Clare and I ran through the forest to avoid the police. This time however it was for a completely different reason, a good reason.

I stopped in a clearing and Clare climbed off of my back. She glanced around a little confused. She then turned and gave me a baffled look.

�Are we here?� Clare asked.

�No, but I want the place to be extra special and to be a surprise.� I said pulling out a blindfold and handing it to her. Clare raised an eyebrow and took the bandanna from my hand.

�We better not be going to a restaurant, I�m on a diet.� She laughed as she felt her way back to her seat.

�Don�t worry; restaurants have policies such as no animals allowed. I�m sure that includes talking roller coasters that could kill you in a matter of seconds.� I said looking at her with one of my crooked smiles.

He�s so proud of being an indiscriminate mass murderer.

quote:

Clare simply giggled and pulled my over the shoulder restraint down. With a single thrust we were off again. She had no clue to where I was taking her, Mystic Park. Tonight, she would receive the ride of a lifetime on a living coaster.

Why is he returning to Mystic Guards? Wouldn�t the guards he terrified have reported the incident? Wouldn�t police come to the scene to investigate?

quote:

I entered Mystic Park as I did in the morning, only realizing that I had left my Hummer in the employee lot.

Speaking of the Hummer, it reminds me that Buddy had first tracked Railrunner down because he had bought the car under his own name. Why haven�t the non-treasonous part of the police force done the same? And why isn�t anyone looking for Buddy?

quote:

At the moment that did not matter. I brought Clare through the border, and ever so surely, made my way to the rails.

As I neared the track, my body quivered with power. It shook Clare a little bit, startling her.

Drawing power from proximity to roller-coaster tracks is and will always be the dumbest power-up ever.

On a related note, roller-coaster tracks make roller coasters more powerful, and roller coasters are the elite class in Amusement Park Between. With all their �advanced technology�, and the fact that the roller coasters can bully the subject classes at will, why haven�t roller-coaster tracks been built all over the place in Amusement Park Between?

quote:

�What was that?� she asked.

I didn�t really want Clare to know that we were here just yet and she knew I gained power from being in any park.

�I have indigestion,� I lied.

�Come on Railrunner, that wasn�t it!� she laughed a little as she played with my mind.

�Adrenaline rush.� I said quickly coming up with another explanation.

Railrunner continues to be the worst liar ever.

quote:

�Whatever you say.� She sighed as I entered the station.

96th sigh of the book.

quote:

I began to climb up the lift hill slowly on the steps. Clare shifted in her seat.

�Hey Railrunner, what are you doing?� she said slightly suspicious.

�You will see, now take off your blindfold.� I smiled.

I watched Clare out of the corner of my eye. Her frail fingers grasped tightly around the knot. Then she slowly pulled off the blindfold, but her eyes were still closed.

This is the third time so far in the story that Clare has been described as �frail�:

Chapter 8 - �That was amazing! She said grasping my arm. She stopped and ran her frail fingers among my skin, puzzled. �Rodney - have you been working out? Your muscles are huge!�

Chapter 57 - Clare rolled over onto her belly, her frail body rising up and down along with my chest as I inhaled and exhaled.

Chapter 61 - Her frail fingers grasped tightly around the knot.

There�s a clear agenda behind the repeated and gratuitous use of �frail� in reference to her.

quote:

�You can open your eyes, it�s not that scary.� I chucked [sic], my toying laughter rumbling deep in my chest. Clare then opened her eyes and her jaw dropped.

�Oh my, you can�t be serious!� she said excited.

�I am. Now remember, I got you. You don�t have to worry about a single thing.�

�Why do you say that?� she said, but I didn�t reply. I threw myself forward, down the hill. Clare let out a deafening scream, but then it turned into laughter. I landed with a bang on the rails, power running through my body like electricity. I rocketed up the follow up hill, leaving the track again doing a horizontal twist in midair. Then I landed at the hill�s base, Clare whooping with laughter. I then went up another hill, but this time I flung Clare in the air. She yelled my name at the top of her lungs, but I judged her position and where she would land. Just before she hit the tracks, I jumped and caught her in the exact same seat she sat in. Clare unexpectedly laughed.

Note that Railrunner never asked for Clare�s consent to any of this.

# ? Jun 27, 2013 12:55

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Iced Cocoa posted:

I've never understood the purpose of this chapter. Railrunner gives Vick an ordinary gun with ordinary bullets, and tells him that it was made to kill only Ironwheel. With Miranda's writing you know that he's being set up for failure because he wouldn't end up betraying Railrunner anyway as Miranda intends to let him think that Ironwheel is the greater threat. This chapter could have been as simple as "Railrunner told Vick not to shoot at him, but at Ironwheel" as that would have the exact same results. Railrunner could have given him the actual bullets made from Thunderbark, told him the same thing as before and Miranda would have written Vick as believing it was the truth because I don't see her actually allowing Railrunner to be wrong about trusting someone or having someone shoot Railrunner in the back once it is all over.

gently caress this chapter.

Judging by what Railrunner told Thunderbark in Chapter 61, I think his "clever ploy" is to make an ally of Vick so that Vick will inform Railrunner when the police find Ironwheel, and give him the gun with "fake bullets" but tell him it's a real coaster-killing gun so that Vick will attack Ironwheel, Ironwheel will wipe out Vick for Railrunner, and then Railrunner will attack Ironwheel.

Chapter 61 posted:

�What I did was this; he agreed to call us when he saw Ironwheel. I in turn, gave him the fake gun with the false bullets. I told Captain Vick that they were made too [sic] kill Ironwheel only, if you know what I�m getting at.�

# ? Jun 27, 2013 12:58

Madoushi: May 9, 2003; Some days, you just get up on the wrong side of the bed...

quote:

�Well, first we sort of tossed out some remarks, and then I made him shake on a deal. I told him the legend of our world -.�

�You told him about Amusement Park Between!� Thunderbark said angrily.

�No! I didn�t tell him what our world was called! I just told him some facts but I left out the main details.�

�Okay then, sorry for interrupting.� Thunderbark said sitting back down.

"You told him about our world?"
"Yeah, but I didn't tell him what it's name was."
"Well that's okay then."

:psyduck:

# ? Jun 27, 2013 13:57

BBQ Crisis: Nov 2, 2011

Either this execrable book has completely broken my reading comprehension, or this last chapter was especially full of horrifying innuendo

Miranda Leek's Repression posted:

...with Clare bouncing and laughing upon me.

�No, but I want the place to be extra special and to be a surprise.� I said pulling out a blindfold and handing it to her. Clare raised an eyebrow and took the bandanna from my hand.

With a single thrust... Tonight, she would receive the ride of a lifetime on a living coaster.

She yelled my name at the top of her lungs...

# ? Jun 27, 2013 15:27

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

BBQ Crisis posted:

Either this execrable book has completely broken my reading comprehension, or this last chapter was especially full of horrifying innuendo

I was trying not to notice those. Why did you have to go and point them out? Now I can't ignore them any more. :argh:

# ? Jun 27, 2013 15:36

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# ? Apr 16, 2024 17:05

BBQ Crisis: Nov 2, 2011

JosephWongKS posted:

I was trying not to notice those. Why did you have to go and point them out? Now I can't ignore them any more.

When we're being primed for a possible Railrunner/Clare sex scene, I have to share the pain of seeing gross rollercoaster sex around every corner :smith:

.
I have a horrible feeling that the book will end with inappropriate coaster train smoochgasms because Leek is just that terrible.

# ? Jun 27, 2013 17:48

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Where I Read: Miranda Leek's "Twisted"

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