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JosephWongKS posted:Question: How many books does "Twisted" count for in the Reading Challenge Thread? JosephWongKS posted:One of the criteria in the Reading Challenge thread is that it is "for your own betterment". Ask yourself - "Does reading Twisted make me a better person?" So, yes. In fact, I think this may give you a free pass to murder someone. For legal reasons, however, I can't suggest who that person be. ETA: Oh, new page. Here is a drawing of Railrunner eating a giant penis to make you all objectively better people and spare you the torments of perdition. attackbunny fucked around with this message at 23:02 on Jul 1, 2013 |
# ? Jul 1, 2013 22:58 |
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# ? Apr 20, 2024 03:35 |
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attackbunny posted:ETA: Oh, new page. Here is a drawing of Railrunner eating a giant penis to make you all objectively better people and spare you the torments of perdition. You're too kind. What kind of afterlife reward does one get for seeing a roller coaster give birth and for seeing pictures of Shadowtrack?
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 00:33 |
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SSNeoman posted:You're too kind. What kind of afterlife reward does one get for seeing a roller coaster give birth and for seeing pictures of Shadowtrack? 72 virgin rollercoasters
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 02:00 |
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Chapter 65 - Ruler of the Rails Part Three quote:
If the “belly” is in the third car of a roller-coaster, what’s contained in all the remaining cars? In the human body, there are no more vital organs below the belly other than the intestines and reproductive organs. Surely even roller-coasters don’t have ten-foot long testicles and fallopian tubes, right? quote:
Ironwheel is far more honourable than Railrunner – unlike the latter, Ironwheel doesn’t kick a fallen quote:
Ironwheel even permits his enemy’s associates to render medical assistance to him. How is he supposed to be more villainous than Railrunner? quote:
103rd sigh of the book!!!! quote:
This is the whiniest, cry-babiest bunch of “heroic” “protagonists” I’ve ever come across. Thunderbark cries at the drop of a hat, and Railrunner moans about every little wound he receives despite being a big hulking behemoth. In contrast, Freakshow faced her death with dignity, and Ironwheel never once flinched or showed any fear despite being massively outnumbered. I believe I could find the story almost tolerable if Ironwheel had been the main character instead of Railrunner.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 03:13 |
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Rollercoaster Claire vomits viscous purple healing goo. Either that or there's a mcguffin that hasn't activated yet?
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 03:29 |
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Kjoery posted:Either that or there's a mcguffin that hasn't activated yet? Right on target. Anyone care to hazard a guess as to what it is?
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 03:33 |
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JosephWongKS posted:Right on target. Anyone care to hazard a guess as to what it is? Hadn't Thunderbark hinted that the Augu Ra or whatever the amulet is called still has an unknown special power, or am I mixing that up with one of the other Mary Sue abilities?
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 03:57 |
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I find it really, really hard to actually believe this was written by a lady. Is Miranda some sort of unisex name? I want it to be. This fight makes me think of something I would have written in like 8th grade. Of course, my story wouldn't have loving roller coasters, but it's a moot point.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 04:19 |
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DicktheCat posted:I find it really, really hard to actually believe this was written by a lady. Is Miranda some sort of unisex name? I want it to be. This is the Author's Profile at the back of the book. About the Author and the Illustrator posted:
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 04:35 |
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I was reading another book today, and when I came upon the word "sigh" I was reminded of this travesty of a book and had to put it down and take a break. The writing in Twisted is so bad that it ruins the good writing in other books. It has practically murdered an English word for me.quote:About the Author and the Illustrator posted: Prometheus got off with a slap on the wrist.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 04:59 |
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No, no, I know the writer is female. I just don't believe it, if you understand. Like my mind can't wrap around a woman who could write female characters so badly.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 05:02 |
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DicktheCat posted:No, no, I know the writer is female. I just don't believe it, if you understand. Like my mind can't wrap around a woman who could write female characters so badly. To be fair to her, she writes male characters equally badly too.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 05:06 |
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Antlerhill posted:I was reading another book today, and when I came upon the word "sigh" I was reminded of this travesty of a book and had to put it down and take a break. The writing in Twisted is so bad that it ruins the good writing in other books. It has practically murdered an English word for me. I found my old copy of Roller Coaster Tycoon a couple days ago but when I tried to play it I just felt unclean.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 05:06 |
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Antlerhill posted:I was reading another book today, and when I came upon the word "sigh" I was reminded of this travesty of a book and had to put it down and take a break. The writing in Twisted is so bad that it ruins the good writing in other books. It has practically murdered an English word for me. I've had to question each and every use of "sigh" I put in my book even though I don't overuse it the way Miranda does.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 05:14 |
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Hmm. Possibilities include: 1. The Augu Ra. Is that a misspelling? I don't give a poo poo. It probably has some sort of healing power. However, if it doesn't, we go to 2. The sword. I don't give Miranda enough credit to believe she'll remember that Railrunner has it. If she does remember he has it, then there's a 90% chance he's actually lost it in a previous chapter and she's forgotten this fact. Alternatively, 3. Brand new deus ex machina. Magic laser beam gun sword rollercoaster killer gun shooter bullets.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 05:45 |
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Dreggon posted:3. Brand new deus ex machina. Magic laser beam gun sword rollercoaster killer gun shooter bullets. ~The healing power of rollercoaster love~
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 05:46 |
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In my draft of the next section of Vicks' fight, I had one of his subordinates set up a trap of anti-coaster claymore mines. They detonate and mortally wound Railrunner. While he is lying there, the Augu Ra lets out a blinding light, healing his minor wounds and cauterizing his major ones. I deleted it because what followed before and after that part was badly written.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 06:02 |
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Chapter 65 - Ruler of the Rails Part Four quote:
If Railrunner is the “greatest warrior”, those other warriors whom Thunderbark knew must have been mewling like newborn babies at the slightest paper-cut or nicked quote:
It’s impossible for Railrunner to become any duller, mentally and spiritually, than he is. quote:
Radio got it partially right with his guess of “~The healing power of rollercoaster love~”. Also: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Also also: “equal enough”. quote:
It seems nobody recalled the plot coupon that Moonhoof dropped in Chapter 20: “Take this,” she said handing me a vile full of a dark blue liquid. “Use this only as a last resort when you are battling Ironwheel!” quote:
The most rear end-pull of rear end-pulling deus ex machinas. quote:
Tension... quote:
Defused! JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 07:30 on Jul 2, 2013 |
# ? Jul 2, 2013 06:31 |
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I like Static. "He's dying...DIBS ON HIS poo poo!" I mean yeah he was trying to help Railrunner, but come on. We all know the truth. And that Deus ex Machina. Wow. No you know what, that's not good enough! Miranda what the gently caress, you disappoint me. quote:And as the liquid splashed down my throat, I was surging with power. My eyes glowed blue and I release my pent up energy. The wave washed over the the land, instantly killing Ironwheel. It transformed every person into a ride. Then suddenly it hit the ocean. It destroyed all the pollution in the ocean. It hit the sky and instantly fixed the ozone layer! It restored the dodo and gave it flight. It then made the worlds combine together into one, becoming a true paradise for all rides. YEAH. loving WHAT MIRANDA?
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 06:45 |
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Chapter 65 - Ruler of the Rails Part Five quote:My body pumped with anger and rage. My seats rose up higher like an angry cat’s hair. “My seats rose up higher like an angry cat’s hair.” quote:
Railrunner’s favourite activities. quote:
One last bullshit deus ex machine power just to round off the lot! quote:
In the competition of dumb combat powers, track-bending is the winner by a large margin. quote:
Why even make them roller-coasters if they are always fighting like wolves and snakes and cats and monkeys but never like “roller-coasters”? quote:
This takes the absolutely cake in awkward and contrived trash-talk.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 07:37 |
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Christ why am I voluntarily reading this
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 08:18 |
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Chapter 65 - Ruler of the Rails Part Six of Six quote:
I guess we now know which hand roller-coasters use to quote:
Now she’s just outright cribbing from the season finale of Avatar: The Last Airbender. quote:
Even in victory, Railrunner is an ungracious rear end in a top hat. quote:
A fitting smile to match his crooked soul and crooked mind.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 08:20 |
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DicktheCat posted:
Twisted doesn't have loving roller coasters either. Every sentient non-red coaster is generated by reincarnation or vampirism, and reds are immaculately conceived in the Temple of the Reds. Amusement Park Between is a thoroughly sexless, joyless place. JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 08:59 on Jul 2, 2013 |
# ? Jul 2, 2013 08:55 |
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Dammit. I was going to guess the potion for our daily macguffin, figuring it was a healing liquid, but somehow Miranda couldn't even do THAT right and it was like a hundred times stupider than I was expecting. Goddamnit, Miranda! There is nothing heroic about Railrunner. Even ignoring his decidedly unheroic actions, he's entirely carried by his super secret magical powers and treasures. If he wasn't stacked to the seats with unearned artifacts he'd probably have died on page three. We can't have character development, he's already perfect so what's the point. This book is a confluence of so many bad factors. A few of them would render the book simply terrible, but you can't even go a line without tripping over something awful. The fact that it's constant is what makes this book so
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 09:01 |
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Chapter 66 - Home Again Part One quote:
Freed from the tough but competent rule of Tyrion Lanniswheel, and going right into the hands of Mad King Aerys Targarunner. quote:
Tension… quote:
Defused! quote:
“Now that you are an appendage of Railrunner, all traces of your independent existence and unique personal history must be erased.” quote:
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” screamed Clare from inside the cold, unfeeling shell in which she was trapped. quote:
Note that Clare never actually got to propose a name. They just kept her trapped there and ground down her resistance until she eventually said yes to something just to get them to stop the torment. JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 09:53 on Jul 2, 2013 |
# ? Jul 2, 2013 09:48 |
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Chapter 66 - Home Again Part Two of Two quote:
Captain Vick’s tractability and willingness to treat Railrunner as an ally, after all the cop-killing, assorted other murders and property destruction the latter has committed, is far and away the most nonsensical part of this book, and that’s really saying a lot. quote:
This isn’t endearing, Miranda Leek. You can’t try to portray Railrunner as some irrepressible but ultimately harmless prankster after he’s spent the entire book engaging in indiscriminate butchery. quote:
“A woman’s place is to silently obey, not to ask questions!” quote:
“Don’t even think about opening them without my express prior permission.” quote:
Tall buildings made of stone and without electricity or running water. quote:
“You must also get my permission before going off any place without me.” quote:
104th sigh of the book!!!!! quote:
THE END JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 10:21 on Jul 2, 2013 |
# ? Jul 2, 2013 10:04 |
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quote:“You know, when I very first transformed into the creature that I am, I found out that I could smell fear. Ironwheel, you seem to have a great deal of it lingering from you.” I said calmly. “This is kind of like a student being punished by the principal. However it is not principal with the “pal” it should be the one spelled p-r-i-n-c-p-l-e. So, it is where the “student” is being punished by the principle of justice.” In the middle of all the horror, this stands out to me as possibly the worst combination of words any human has ever put together.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 10:19 |
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YES! We have finally reached the end of this retarded mockery of a book! I don't think I've ever read something as bad as this. quote:“I was hoping for a miracle, and I got it.” Thunderbark said pulling the cork out from the lip.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 10:30 |
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Fatal Error posted:I hope you are going to do Vertigo too, JWKS If JWKS isn't planning to, I might. I'm also planning on getting the republished edition of Twisted to see if Railrunner will still be a murderous bastard. I know at least that the Great Police Massacre of Mystic Park will still be in the republished edition.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 11:44 |
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“I can’t wait!” Shadowtrack laughed. “Looks like you don’t have to.” I said as we stood with Thunderbark at the edge of the spa, or in other words the portal to home. Suddenly there was the sound of footsteps at the end of the midway. Steven Seagal had appeared and looked intently at the living amusement park rides before him. "I'll handle this," Static said, moving towards Seagal. "Hey buddy who do you think you are?" "I'm just a passerby, I was going to have some fun in this little theme park, but I don't have any cash. Do you take... credit?!" and on that word, Seagal whipped out a credit card that he had cut into a ninja star. He threw it at the dodgem car, slicing him in half. "Oh Jesus!" Merrylegs shouted. Railrunner, Thunderbark, and Shadowtrack gasped in horror. "You bastard!" Railrunner yelled. "I'll loving murder you like every other human I carelessly slaughter!" Seagal pulled out a shotgun and aimed it at Railrunner's head. "That potion you took, it made you immune to damage from rollercoasters, but guess what? That's all you're immune to now." With a blast of the gun, Railrunner's skull was cleft in two. The red coaster howled in pain. "Oh poo poo! Oh poo poo! Oh poo poo!" Railrunner felt up to the gaping hole in his cranium for a moment, but soon shock took over. He fell to the ground, twitching as Seagal moved over and emptied the remaining shells into Railrunner's corpse. "And this one's for Captain Black!" Blam! "And this one's for all the cops you melted!" Blam! "And this one's for my loving cat who was just hanging out in his favourite alley behind the bar you piece of poo poo!" Blam! Thunderbark and Shadowtrack moved to help Railrunner, but it was too late. "Steven, you can stop, he's already dead." The voice had come from the portal. It was Moonhoof. Thunderbark looked up and what colour was in his skin drained away. Seagal broke the silence. "Thanks for the help with the potion, you know how I love those ancient Chinese secrets. Hey Thunderbark, you should really check her stuff out. She's got something that will do wonders for that bruise." "What bru..?" Seagal delivered a blow to Thunderbark that knocked him out. Shadowtrack shrieked and cradled his head. "Well Steven," Moonhoof started, "I think it's time we go back through the portal where you can rule as king of Amusement Park Between. Maybe now the endless rollercoaster wars will finally stop and we can get running water and electricity installed." pathetic little tramp fucked around with this message at 14:26 on Jul 2, 2013 |
# ? Jul 2, 2013 13:23 |
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quote:“You know, when I very first transformed into the creature that I am, I found out that I could smell fear. Ironwheel, you seem to have a great deal of it lingering from you.” I said calmly. “This is kind of like a student being punished by the principal. However it is not principal with the “pal” it should be the one spelled p-r-i-n-c-p-l-e. So, it is where the “student” is being punished by the principle of justice.” ...I hate her. I actually hate Miranda right now. Like I don't know who she is, I don't know what kind of person she is, I don't know what she did with her life and I don't know what happened to her but I hate her. I hate this...thing. It's not a loving verbal beatdown it's a Horatio Caine quote without The Who chiming in. And you can tell she was proud of this. This was the climax! This was where everything that happened in this book so far starts to get resolved. And this is what she came up with. I know Michael Bulgakov wrote that manuscripts never burn, but some of them really, really loving should. Still no sigh from Ironwheel, how about that?
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 14:35 |
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I hate this book and I hate Railrunner and I hate Thunderbark and I hate everything they stand for.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 14:47 |
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Amazing, truly amazing. I can only hope for a film adaptation (by SyFy).
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 14:56 |
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WHAT justice? I that it's
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 17:30 |
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It's over? It's over! We should plant a TBB flag in this book's corpse and then light it on fire. quote:“You know, when I very first transformed into the creature that I am, I found out that I could smell fear. Ironwheel, you seem to have a great deal of it lingering from you.” I said calmly. “This is kind of like a student being punished by the principal. However it is not principal with the “pal” it should be the one spelled p-r-i-n-c-p-l-e. So, it is where the “student” is being punished by the principle of justice.” That deus ex machina. Jesus. That's something you'd expect to hear in a parody. Maybe someone suggested to Miranda sarcastically that she just give Railrunner a potion to make him immune to other rollercoasters. We know she doesn't know what sarcasm is. Chapter One" posted:“This is very dumb and confusing.” I replied sarcastically in defiance.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 17:57 |
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So, JWKS, are you going to read the sequels if or when they come out? I think you should, it's just the prink-pleh of the thing since you exposed the world to the first one.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 18:50 |
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I'm kind of sad that it is over. The trainwreck kept me more entertained than a 200 hour marathon of Maury. I think the highlight for me was the picture of the roller coaster giving birth and the fact that "the vagina only appears upon birth." I think that this should be linked in all the GBS threads where people argue that it's okay to raise kids in an environment where sex and genitals are evil and bad, and women must submit to the man because ~religion~. You see what kind of thing that environment produces? YOU SEE!?
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 19:08 |
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JoeyJoJoJr Shabadoo posted:I'm kind of sad that it is over. The trainwreck kept me more entertained than a 200 hour marathon of Maury. You forgot another fact. The water breaks, and sometimes after that the vagina forms. Sex Ed must not exist in Tennessee.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 19:41 |
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pathetic little tramp posted:Steven Seagal Masterpiece. This had my laughing after I was miserable because of this stupid book. Good on you goon.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 20:18 |
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# ? Apr 20, 2024 03:35 |
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Iced Cocoa posted:You forgot another fact. The water breaks, and sometimes after that the vagina forms. Sex Ed must not exist in Tennessee. That's not even Sex Ed; that's the science of cause and effect. "My Coke is stuck in the bottle!" "...take the cap off, Miranda." "But I haven't drunk it yet." Also notice how pregnancy is highly venerated, strictly regulated, and super duper painful and dangerous. Looks like a teenage concept to me. This is even more psychologically transparent than sparkle-pires = Mormons.
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# ? Jul 2, 2013 20:32 |