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  • Locked thread
Thanks Ants
May 21, 2004

#essereFerrari


kensei posted:

There were so, so many, I had no idea what to put in. Let me know what you think deserves to be in there and I will add it.


Glad the joke did not go unnoticed :)

It's a shame you can't indicate a reply all with someone shouting to stop clicking reply all in a thread title

Edit: The photo of the Optiplex (and one HP!) rack for some consultant's idea of VDI needs to be found, along with the post explaining it.

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stubblyhead
Sep 13, 2007

That is treason, Johnny!

Fun Shoe

Gwaihir posted:

Missing the epic saga of the website printed out, scanned, inserted in to a powerpoint, printed again, faxed, scanned on the other end, emailed, and turned in to a QR code.

Didn't someone's wife then do that QR code in needlepoint as well?

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



PerrineClostermann posted:

It's a similar situation for a lot of hardware devices. There are tons of guides on hacking and installing CFW and pirating things on the PSP, but if you want to get down to the metal and low-level functions of the PSP and do some neat stuff, you have to put in some serious effort into finding details and specs on the system itself. It's disappointing that such knowledge isn't as common as it should be. You can still find some nice documentation on older systems like the NES and GBC, though.

I was doing some work with VESA, PCI, and PS/2 hardware emulation. Turns out there's almost no decent documentation on the Internet, just a bunch of people repeating the same incomplete, incorrect bullshit. I eventually had to buy a book ("The Undocumented PC").

Belial42
Feb 28, 2007

The Sleeper must awaken...with a damn fine can of Georgia coffee.
My company may send someone from IT down to Florida, from Ohio, just to start a Webex for our yearly Firm-wide meeting.

b0red
Apr 3, 2013

Belial42 posted:

My company may send someone from IT down to Florida, from Ohio, just to start a Webex for our yearly Firm-wide meeting.

Sounds like this could be pretty sweet if it's a fun part of florida.

guppy
Sep 21, 2004

sting like a byob

SEKCobra posted:

A+ is the worst poo poo as far as I can gather.

Sort of. The stuff it tests is a mix of "very basic" and "unnecessary," for a variety of reasons ranging from "I don't need to remember the exact wording of every option in Control Panel and how to get to it, I know to go to Control Panel and everything is labeled and I'll figure it out" to "literally no one needs to remember the pinouts for a deprecated connector no one uses anymore."

But if your hiring goes through HR, they need some way to filter entry-level candidates. Remember that these are the same HR people who call you because they didn't realize their monitor was off, they are not qualified to evaluate technical competence. What sucks is that a. it's an artificial barrier between perfectly capable people and their first job that's already tough to get, and also that b. there isn't an obviously good way to turn the sort of logical and technical reasoning needed in a job like that into a standardized test, so it gets padded with a bunch of junk you don't need.

The Cubelodyte
Sep 1, 2006

Practicing Hypnolaw since 1990
Grimey Drawer
I hate it when applications require admin credentials to run. Thanks, Aruba. Your Airwave developers suck.

FlapYoJacks
Feb 12, 2009

Pham Nuwen posted:

This really is a major problem with getting help on the Internet anyway. There's a shitload of shallow knowledge out there, often replicated (sometimes poorly) from some original source. If you want to go any further than building cyanogenmod for your phone and installing it, you're stuck. Want to know how Android interacts with the radio? Tough poo poo, better start digging through the source code, because xXx420bonerzxXx on the forums knows gently caress-all beyond how to run a rooting util. And if you ask about something, every dumb gently caress will do a google search for what you asked and post the first result without even loving considering if there's any relevance. Gotta get those StackOverflow points!

Indeed it is. I actually just fixed the problem by looking at init's source code and disabling it's stupid default behavior of dumping everything into /dev/null.

Turns out the board config file had the accelerometer set to true, so when init came along and tried to scrape it, init crashed because the board doesn't have an accelerometer!

Thanks you lazy fuckers who couldn't be arsed to create a proper board file!
And thanks google for having init auto default to dumping all stdint and stderr messages to /dev/null instead of just scraping a flag. That would be too loving hard apparently!

FlapYoJacks fucked around with this message at 19:33 on Aug 13, 2013

Belial42
Feb 28, 2007

The Sleeper must awaken...with a damn fine can of Georgia coffee.

b0red posted:

Sounds like this could be pretty sweet if it's a fun part of florida.

Except that it would be a half day trip with no actual fun. You'd be in the air as long as the meeting, not counting time in an airport. All to start a loving Webex.

I work for accountants that value money so little that they'd spend a thousand bucks to have someone click a link.

Inspector_666
Oct 7, 2003

benny with the good hair

guppy posted:

Sort of. The stuff it tests is a mix of "very basic" and "unnecessary," for a variety of reasons ranging from "I don't need to remember the exact wording of every option in Control Panel and how to get to it, I know to go to Control Panel and everything is labeled and I'll figure it out" to "literally no one needs to remember the pinouts for a deprecated connector no one uses anymore."

But if your hiring goes through HR, they need some way to filter entry-level candidates. Remember that these are the same HR people who call you because they didn't realize their monitor was off, they are not qualified to evaluate technical competence. What sucks is that a. it's an artificial barrier between perfectly capable people and their first job that's already tough to get, and also that b. there isn't an obviously good way to turn the sort of logical and technical reasoning needed in a job like that into a standardized test, so it gets padded with a bunch of junk you don't need.

I thought about taking A+ just to get a cert on my resume and I knew I was more than good enough to pass the practical bits.

After taking a practice test online that had several questions about different IDE cable conventions and the physical architecture of a floppy disk I figured it wasn't worth the cost/aggravation to learn that poo poo.

EDIT: I should have a cert on my resume, I just need to stop being such a pussy and schedule CCNA.

Belial42 posted:

Except that it would be a half day trip with no actual fun. You'd be in the air as long as the meeting, not counting time in an airport. All to start a loving Webex.

I work for accountants that value money so little that they'd spend a thousand bucks to have someone click a link.

Join.me or LMI Rescue hasn't crossed anybody's mind?

Inspector_666 fucked around with this message at 19:38 on Aug 13, 2013

oh rly
Feb 22, 2006
oh rly ya rly no wai
I have been in a help desk position for a law firm for three years now. Luckily, I have not had to suffer like Dicktrauma, CorvetteFisher, or BlackswordCA. Although, there was one time where a squirrel literally knocked out the power for the entire block.

I received the call yesterday after interviews with 8 different higher ups for a brand new analyst position at a Fortune 100 IT company. YOTJ!!!!

I have come to you guys looking for advice. They keep pressuring me for my past salary history. Do I inflate my current wage to ensure that the offer made will be what I am looking for? Has inflating your wage ever come back to bite anyone in the rear end? I have already told them that I am asking for 70k plus benefits. The range for the position is 48 - 85. I have already been told I have the job.

THF13
Sep 26, 2007

Keep an adversary in the dark about what you're capable of, and he has to assume the worst.
URGENT pRIORITY 1!
The entirety of the OP needs to be in a screenshot of a word document embedded in an excel file.

Edit: AT A MINIMUM
(this is affecting production)
please do the needful

Scikar
Nov 20, 2005

5? Seriously?

It's a bad sign when they ask about your previous salary and there isn't really an easy way past it if you actually want to work there. They have no more right to ask this than you have to ask how much they are getting paid, and it will only be used to lowball you either now or later on, so don't tell them. Lying is dangerous because you never want to be in a situation where your manager doesn't trust you, and you don't want to be caught out when you later chat with a co-worker you make friends with about how badly you were paid in your last job.

Better to say that unfortunately you can't discuss your previous salary as it is covered by NDA (history with a legal firm probably helps plausibility here!), even if that's not strictly true. Firstly you're much less likely to accidentally give this away, and secondly you can just write yourself an NDA that says "I promise myself never to reveal my salary history to another employer", sign it, and you won't be lying.

rscott
Dec 10, 2009
They still have those questions on the A+? Do they still ask questions about troubleshooting Windows 3.1/95 and NT4 like when I took it back in 2005?

When I first moved to Kansas a buddy of mine got me a job at compUSA. I was under the impression that I would be working in the repair shop and doing home network installs and poo poo like that since I had a pretty freshly minted A+ and Network+. Nope. You had to be promoted into the tech shop from the sales floor where the manager had loving ridiculous "goals" set for each employee. I think mine was something like $80k a month in gross sales with a 20%(!!!) margin and $5k a month in warranty sales. For a dingy store about 1/3rd of the size of a best buy. We weren't really on commission, there was a compensation scheme for selling extended warranties but it was ridiculously low, like $4-10 for selling a product that was 80%+ margin. Yeah sure buddy I'm going to bust my rear end off doing something ethically pretty terrible for $8/hr so I can have the chance of making a buck or two more an hour fixing people's awful PCs.

Specious logic aside (good salesmen do not necessarily make good computer repair men, if anything the correlation goes the other way) the amount of emotional abuse I received from both management and customers (the customers I can excuse but management hell no) basically turned me off from working retail ever again. I'd rather be homeless, honest to god.

TheFuzzyLumpkin
Sep 15, 2003

But you are a person, and I can't say I'm awfully fond of that.

oh rly posted:

I have been in a help desk position for a law firm for three years now. Luckily, I have not had to suffer like Dicktrauma, CorvetteFisher, or BlackswordCA. Although, there was one time where a squirrel literally knocked out the power for the entire block.

I received the call yesterday after interviews with 8 different higher ups for a brand new analyst position at a Fortune 100 IT company. YOTJ!!!!

I have come to you guys looking for advice. They keep pressuring me for my past salary history. Do I inflate my current wage to ensure that the offer made will be what I am looking for? Has inflating your wage ever come back to bite anyone in the rear end? I have already told them that I am asking for 70k plus benefits. The range for the position is 48 - 85. I have already been told I have the job.

Ancillary to that, you can say "I cannot reveal the information due to an NDA I signed at the outset of employment, but I can tell you I would find <x> number within my desired range for this position."

That at least gives them a starting number and heads off an insulting lowball offer.

Also, that's one helluva range they've got there, which to me indicates they're looking for an excuse to lowball or they've artificially inflated what they're actually willing to pay to attract more candidates (but would never, ever, ever make an offer at the upper end of that range). I think the biggest range I've ever been quoted was 15k.

oh rly
Feb 22, 2006
oh rly ya rly no wai

TheFuzzyLumpkin posted:

Ancillary to that, you can say "I cannot reveal the information due to an NDA I signed at the outset of employment, but I can tell you I would find <x> number within my desired range for this position."

That at least gives them a starting number and heads off an insulting lowball offer.

Also, that's one helluva range they've got there, which to me indicates they're looking for an excuse to lowball or they've artificially inflated what they're actually willing to pay to attract more candidates (but would never, ever, ever make an offer at the upper end of that range). I think the biggest range I've ever been quoted was 15k.

The analyst position is a new position for the company, which is why the range is so large. If I said the actual title, it would be pretty easy to find out who the company is. However, they wanted someone who is relatively new to the field and is willing to design the position from the ground up.

The job listing asked for someone with 5 or more years of data analytics experience, so when I initially saw the posting, I ignored it. I received a call from the recruiter of the company a few days later after she found a six month old resume on Dice. My only real experience with data analytics have been the classes I have took in grad school. I also still have a year left in grad school to get my Masters in Information Systems. Therefore, that is why I believe what I say to them about my previous salary is going to be the deciding factor in the offer.

Nativity In Black
Oct 24, 2012

If you're gonna have roads, you're gonna have roadkill.
I took the A+ in 2009 (I think) and they had questions about IRQ codes and specific memory locations, things I have never used since. I believe that was the last year for that particular test before they moved on and started covering Windows 7. It was also the last year before you had to do continuing education to keep your A+.

It's a pretty bullshit cert but it did get my foot in the door.

I recall the test had a question that was like "What button do you press when installing Windows XP to load a third party RAID driver?" Having only installed Windows 20 or so times at that point I couldn't recall the exact key off the top of my head. As though it were extremely important to know the exact key to hit when it was printed right on the screen during the pertinent section.

nitrogen
May 21, 2004

Oh, what's a 217°C difference between friends?
Someone ages ago was asking about dropbox-like replacements for corporate use.

https://spideroak.com/business/ <-- check this out.

Bitching and moaning will continue shortly.

DarkHorse
Dec 13, 2006

Vroom Vroom, BEEP BEEP!
Nap Ghost

oh rly posted:

I have been in a help desk position for a law firm for three years now. Luckily, I have not had to suffer like Dicktrauma, CorvetteFisher, or BlackswordCA. Although, there was one time where a squirrel literally knocked out the power for the entire block.

I received the call yesterday after interviews with 8 different higher ups for a brand new analyst position at a Fortune 100 IT company. YOTJ!!!!

I have come to you guys looking for advice. They keep pressuring me for my past salary history. Do I inflate my current wage to ensure that the offer made will be what I am looking for? Has inflating your wage ever come back to bite anyone in the rear end? I have already told them that I am asking for 70k plus benefits. The range for the position is 48 - 85. I have already been told I have the job.
Short answer: hem, haw, and deflect the question or else you'll likely be screwing yourself.

Longer answer, check out this thread on interviewing for advice. The link at the bottom of the first page (http://www.kalzumeus.com/2012/01/23/salary-negotiation/) specifically goes over salary negotiation. If you're really pressed for time, jump to the section titled "The First Rule Is What Everyone Tells You It Is: Never Give A Number First"

Dick Trauma
Nov 30, 2007

God damn it, you've got to be kind.
Old images I dug up:

1. This was the result of my first pass through the storage room at my old place. All of this is worthless old poo poo Tony was saving. I actually got into arguments with him over some of this crap. All of this is from 2009/2010.







2. Here's Tony's idea of organized server room cabling:



Don't go chasing waterfalls... but if you must you'll find one in front of the switches.



3. Not once but TWICE when he had a server room run of around 10 feet he used a 100 FOOT CABLE. And all that yellow cable? It's one freaking cable woven up and down the rack over and over.




4. I built a web-based trouble ticket system. When the helpdesk guy went on leave for five weeks this is what the stats looked like not long before I quit. For the first time.:



When I forced the CIO (our boss) to confront Tony with his lack of output he responded with tickets like this, featuring one of his favorite misused words:



I saved an email where I was complaining to the CIO that when a temp started Tony turned it into SIX tickets. What a horrible rat bastard he was.

Belial42
Feb 28, 2007

The Sleeper must awaken...with a damn fine can of Georgia coffee.

Nativity In Black posted:

I took the A+ in 2009 (I think) and they had questions about IRQ codes and specific memory locations, things I have never used since. I believe that was the last year for that particular test before they moved on and started covering Windows 7. It was also the last year before you had to do continuing education to keep your A+.

It does not cover anything bullshit anymore, as of 2011. It is also no longer lifetime.

Inspector_71 posted:

Join.me or LMI Rescue hasn't crossed anybody's mind?

It is totally an option. Just one that has been dismissed out of hand. "What if something went wrong?"

Inspector_666
Oct 7, 2003

benny with the good hair

Belial42 posted:

It is totally an option. Just one that has been dismissed out of hand. "What if something went wrong?"

The link may become...unclicked.

Vin BioEthanol
Jan 18, 2002

by Ralp

Dick Trauma posted:

Old images I dug up:

1. This was the result of my first pass through the storage room at my old place. All of this is worthless old poo poo Tony was saving. I actually got into arguments with him over some of this crap. All of this is from 2009/2010.


Nice quantum bigfoot drive. I remember those from like 95-96 when I was a pc tech at best buy.

Paladine_PSoT
Jan 2, 2010

If you have a problem Yo, I'll solve it

poo poo that makes me cringe. People who make 2-3x my salary with a default email font of 0000FF Comic Sans.

kensei
Dec 27, 2007

He has come home, where he belongs. The Ancient Mariner returns to lead his first team to glory, forever and ever. Amen!


Dick Trauma posted:

Old images I dug up:

1. This was the result of my first pass through the storage room at my old place. All of this is worthless old poo poo Tony was saving. I actually got into arguments with him over some of this crap. All of this is from 2009/2010.







2. Here's Tony's idea of organized server room cabling:



Don't go chasing waterfalls... but if you must you'll find one in front of the switches.



3. Not once but TWICE when he had a server room run of around 10 feet he used a 100 FOOT CABLE. And all that yellow cable? It's one freaking cable woven up and down the rack over and over.




4. I built a web-based trouble ticket system. When the helpdesk guy went on leave for five weeks this is what the stats looked like not long before I quit. For the first time.:



When I forced the CIO (our boss) to confront Tony with his lack of output he responded with tickets like this, featuring one of his favorite misused words:



I saved an email where I was complaining to the CIO that when a temp started Tony turned it into SIX tickets. What a horrible rat bastard he was.

I'm going to just add this to the OP.

Inspector_666
Oct 7, 2003

benny with the good hair

Paladine_PSoT posted:

poo poo that makes me cringe. People who make 2-3x my salary with a default email font of 0000FF Comic Sans.

If I was a high-powered executive you'd better loving believe all of my e-mails would be sent in rainbow Jokerman.

Spazz
Nov 17, 2005

We sent a guy halfway around the world, requiring 3 layovers and 24+ hours of total travel. He forgot to pack a console cable. :smithicide:

blackswordca
Apr 25, 2010

Just 'cause you pour syrup on something doesn't make it pancakes!

Inspector_71 posted:

If I was a high-powered executive you'd better loving believe all of my e-mails would be sent in rainbow Jokerman.

Ive always said if i run my own company, im sending all internal emails in Aurebesh

Paladine_PSoT
Jan 2, 2010

If you have a problem Yo, I'll solve it

blackswordca posted:

Ive always said if i run my own company, im sending all internal emails in Aurebesh

I'd create a font with intentionally horrifying kerning just for use when emailing graphic designers.

Sickening
Jul 16, 2007

Black summer was the best summer.
Oldie but Goodie.

Hello test equipment which became production.

Migishu
Oct 22, 2005

I'll eat your fucking eyeballs if you're not careful

Grimey Drawer

Nativity In Black posted:

I took the A+ in 2009 (I think) and they had questions about IRQ codes and specific memory locations, things I have never used since. I believe that was the last year for that particular test before they moved on and started covering Windows 7. It was also the last year before you had to do continuing education to keep your A+.

It's a pretty bullshit cert but it did get my foot in the door.

I recall the test had a question that was like "What button do you press when installing Windows XP to load a third party RAID driver?" Having only installed Windows 20 or so times at that point I couldn't recall the exact key off the top of my head. As though it were extremely important to know the exact key to hit when it was printed right on the screen during the pertinent section.

I remember doing it in the last year before they redid their policy for re-certification. It was June 2007 when I took it, and it was the last chance to do it before you had to do it every 3 years. It was such a loving terrible exam. I got 682 on both exams, passed, then just put it on the resume.

I believe it was quoted in the last ticket thread that someone put down "Former A+" on their resume, and when asked, stated "I don't see the need to recertify myself every 3 years for an entry level IT certificate" or something. As I did mine before, I just leave it as A+ certified (though I should really remove it)

Roargasm
Oct 21, 2010

Hate to sound sleazy
But tease me
I don't want it if it's that easy

guppy posted:

Sort of. The stuff it tests is a mix of "very basic" and "unnecessary," for a variety of reasons ranging from "I don't need to remember the exact wording of every option in Control Panel and how to get to it, I know to go to Control Panel and everything is labeled and I'll figure it out" to "literally no one needs to remember the pinouts for a deprecated connector no one uses anymore."

But if your hiring goes through HR, they need some way to filter entry-level candidates. Remember that these are the same HR people who call you because they didn't realize their monitor was off, they are not qualified to evaluate technical competence. What sucks is that a. it's an artificial barrier between perfectly capable people and their first job that's already tough to get, and also that b. there isn't an obviously good way to turn the sort of logical and technical reasoning needed in a job like that into a standardized test, so it gets padded with a bunch of junk you don't need.

Get your A+.
Similar to a college degree, it's doesn't as much prove what you know about IT as it proves that you're willing to organize your priorities, put in the time, and study it. Seriously so much of entry level IT is handled by recruiters these days it's ridiculous, get your A+ and put it at the top of your resume

FlapYoJacks
Feb 12, 2009

Spazz posted:

We sent a guy halfway around the world, requiring 3 layovers and 24+ hours of total travel. He forgot to pack a console cable. :smithicide:

Pfff, he should have shaved off the top layer of silk next to the processor and soldered on a usb cable with a few resistors to the exposed via's to get console.

Or at least that's what my friend had to do. :shepface:

blackswordca
Apr 25, 2010

Just 'cause you pour syrup on something doesn't make it pancakes!
Always liked this one



Whoever did the work before ran an annoying cable run but ended up being about three feet short of the punch panel, so they spliced the cables instead of redoing the run.

blackswordca fucked around with this message at 21:41 on Aug 13, 2013

Lum
Aug 13, 2003

Nativity In Black posted:

I recall the test had a question that was like "What button do you press when installing Windows XP to load a third party RAID driver?" Having only installed Windows 20 or so times at that point I couldn't recall the exact key off the top of my head. As though it were extremely important to know the exact key to hit when it was printed right on the screen during the pertinent section.

I press several buttons for that: https://www.nlite.com{enter} would be some of them.

Somewhere in this house (or possibly at my self storage place) there is a USB floppy drive that actually works with the XP installer, but gently caress knows where.

Also woo, that someone on the last page requested DickBag95. The image was mine but I no-longer have the original icon and story as that was someone else's. It was basically a tiny icon for some shopping app that was supposed to be a black+yellow pencil, with a pink eraser on top, in front of a paper bag, that due to some poor pixel art got interpreted as something more like:

Manslaughter posted:

Hey, that's my product! I'll go upload the original icons somewhere now.

e: Gentlemen, behold!: the original DickBag icon!


And the full-size in case you still can't see the pencil.


My interpretation of the icon:

Lum fucked around with this message at 22:50 on Aug 13, 2013

KweezNArt
Jul 30, 2007

Inspector_71 posted:

If I was a high-powered executive you'd better loving believe all of my e-mails would be sent in rainbow Jokerman.

The senior VP of IT Operations at a company I worked for, who made three times what I made (He was foolish enough to leave his 1098, complete with SSN and last year's gross earnings, on the document center at work -- I ended up taking it to his office and having a polite discussion about identity theft), insisted on conducting all his Lync sessions in text-speak. It was infuriating to me on so many levels.

"sql srvrs r dwn. let the stores know. we wll gt bk 2 thm w/etf."

Polio Vax Scene
Apr 5, 2009




Hey, that's my product! I'll go upload the original icons somewhere now.

e: Gentlemen, behold!: the original DickBag icon!


And the full-size in case you still can't see the pencil.

Polio Vax Scene fucked around with this message at 22:12 on Aug 13, 2013

Dick Trauma
Nov 30, 2007

God damn it, you've got to be kind.

Even has those sweet '90s InterCaps!

Cpt.Wacky
Apr 17, 2005

Lum posted:

Also woo, that someone on the last page requested DickBag95. The image was mine but I no-longer have the original icon and story as that was someone else's. It was basically a tiny icon for some shopping app that was supposed to be a black+yellow pencil, with a pink eraser on top, in front of a paper bag, that due to some poor pixel art got interpreted as something more like:



How about some ArrangeByPenis.exe?

Lum posted:

That's the old version. This version works better and offers more plausible deniability.

http://www.lum.co.uk/SA/ArrangeByImage.7z

Source: http://www.lum.co.uk/SA/ArrangeByImage-src.7z

There's two undocumented commandline options -penis and -oldpenis


Note: I didn't write either version I just altered them for improved prank potential.

Today was my main (only) helpdesk guy's 3rd anniversary. I had a nice bottle of scotch waiting for him this morning.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Volmarias
Dec 31, 2002

EMAIL... THE INTERNET... SEARCH ENGINES...

Manslaughter posted:

Hey, that's my product! I'll go upload the original icons somewhere now.

e: Gentlemen, behold!: the original DickBag icon!


And the full-size in case you still can't see the pencil.


I still laugh every single time I see this image. Every single time.

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