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skeetied
Mar 10, 2011

spoonfulofwhoopass posted:

I was told that I was initially due 6/7/14 but then had a sonogram where the baby measured two weeks smaller, which I think is normal given that the original date was based on LMP and not actual date of conception. Corrected date is 6/22/14. I'm guessing that is okay, right?

It's pretty typical for LMP dating to be off since not everyone has picture perfect 28 day cycles (and not everyone conceived precisely 14 days into their cycle). The two week deviation is probably because you have a longer cycle than the 28 day "standard."

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Funhilde
Jun 1, 2011

Cats Love Me.
So my second sonogram showed that the baby had not grown and no longer had a solid heartbeat. Feeling pretty bummed about it but I guess this just isn't the time for us. Back to the other thread I suppose.

sheri
Dec 30, 2002

bee posted:

Hehe, I've had friends tell me similar stories and that I'm crazy for thinking that I'll be able to find the time to exercise like I was pre-pregnancy. However, I'm hoping that because I have my own gym in my house that I'll be able to sort some kind of routine out while the baby sleeps.

You won't. I don't mean to sound like a downer or negative and if you can make it work great! But, for the first 6-8 weeks my baby only napped on me. He sleeps for usually 30-40 minute naps still. You'll be up and awake so often all you are going to want to do while the baby sleeps is nothing or nap yourself or maybe go to the bathroom by yourself for once. I'd just make sure you don't have too high of exercise expectations and absolutely do not feel sad if it doesn't work out how you're planning.

I know you are probably sick of hearing a baby changes everything and I was too and thought I had an idea of what that meant but until you've lived through it you can in no way be prepared for how your life is going to change and how fast. :)

sheri
Dec 30, 2002

Funhilde posted:

So my second sonogram showed that the baby had not grown and no longer had a solid heartbeat. Feeling pretty bummed about it but I guess this just isn't the time for us. Back to the other thread I suppose.


I'm sorry. :( this is (sadly) really common. Hopefully things work out next time!

New Weave Wendy
Mar 11, 2007
Yeah, low expectations for your routine is the name of the game for the first few months. It's great to have goals to get out of the house or do a certain amount of housework or getting some exercise in and a little can go a long way towards making you feel normal, but don't beat yourself up if you don't have time or just would rather stare into space or something when you actually do get some downtime. My absolute favorite quote on the subject (I think it's from The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding) says something like "if you have a bookshelf full of knick knacks that constantly gathers dust and annoys you, just put a plant on the shelf instead." It so perfectly sums up how I feel about housework nowadays.

Funhilde
Jun 1, 2011

Cats Love Me.

sheri posted:

I'm sorry. :( this is (sadly) really common. Hopefully things work out next time!

Thanks. Drinking a glass of wine in any case.

superbelch
Dec 9, 2003
Making baby jesus cry since 1984.

spoonfulofwhoopass posted:

Well I'm done lurking and officially joining the thread, hooray! Am just about 10 weeks with my first bub, a total surprise but a very happy one.

I was told that I was initially due 6/7/14 but then had a sonogram where the baby measured two weeks smaller, which I think is normal given that the original date was based on LMP and not actual date of conception. Corrected date is 6/22/14. I'm guessing that is okay, right?

In the first month I experienced some insane constipation, to a point where I hadn't gone in 8 days and was throwing up from being over-full. It's eased up now considerably, and now the goal is to not get hungry to keep the morning sickness at bay. I eat pretzel sticks like a fiend. I went three days without throwing up this week and was smug as poo poo about it until this morning when I woke up and there was a fiesta in my stomach. Is it normal for morning sickness to taper off before 12 weeks? Everything else seems to be ship-shape, so maybe I'm lucky or speaking too soon.

Now for question: I had a "slightly abnormal" Pap smear that the doctor didn't seem to be too concerned about, but that bothered me a lot. The report said "squamous cells of undetermined significance." Should I be worried? OB says he will schedule another one for my next visit in December. Does pregnancy affect the cells in the cervix somehow? He is awesome and calm and great about it so I am not panicking but it would be nice to know if I really do have something to worry about. Probably just have to wait it out.

Excited to see what this bub looks like, as my boyfriend is dark-skinned Jamaican/first generation American and I am Polish-Irish.

Thank you all so much for all the info and cute pictures and hope-giving posts. You guys are invaluable, especially because I'm on my first go-round.

ASCUS is the lowest grade of abnormality - it is not representative of precancerous lesions like LSIL and HSIL. Depending on your age and whether your doc did HPV co-testing, most likely what will happen is repeat pap. If there are high risk strains of HPV present, you may get a colposcopy (looking at cervix with a magnifier that allows biopsies to be taken from problem areas). If it does happen it would be after pregnancy. Pregnancy shouldn't affect things otherwise, though.

superbelch fucked around with this message at 02:07 on Nov 22, 2013

Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009

bee posted:

Hehe, I've had friends tell me similar stories and that I'm crazy for thinking that I'll be able to find the time to exercise like I was pre-pregnancy. However, I'm hoping that because I have my own gym in my house that I'll be able to sort some kind of routine out while the baby sleeps.

The first couple of months you should take it easy, and you probably won't feel like doing much else. After that, everything depends on your baby. Mine will only nap in her pram, so I get to do a ton of walking, but little else. A friend of mine has an awesome baby that naps like a champ wherever and whenever, so she has a ton of freedom during the day to do whatever she wants.

I started going to mum and baby-workout classes when she was 3 months old, first easy ones, and then harder. I really recommend that, it gets you out of the house and lets you hang out with other adults. Now she's 4,5 months, and when the snow comes, I'll be joining a gym with babysitting.
But since you have a gym at home, you can start working out as soon as your kid can entertain herself on the floor a little.

But make sure you know what you should avoid doing. Your pelvic floor will be in a tragic state, and situps and heavy lifting could really mess you up.
Start doing kegels immediately, and be super diligent about them, that's way more important than any workout.

spoonfulofwhoopass
Feb 11, 2010

superbelch posted:

ASCUS is the lowest grade of abnormality - it is not representative of precancerous lesions like LSIL and HSIL. Depending on your age and whether your doc did HPV co-testing, most likely what will happen is repeat pap. If there are high risk strains of HPV present, you may get a colposcopy (looking at cervix with a magnifier that allows biopsies to be taken from problem areas). If it does happen it would be after pregnancy. Pregnancy shouldn't affect things otherwise, though.

Whew! Thank you very much. :)

Kegslayer
Jul 23, 2007
Took my wife to her second ultrasound (at 12 weeks) and due to the way the baby didn't want to move, we couldn't do a nasal bone assessment and that with a higher than average heartbeat means that the baby was given a 1 in 160ish chance of Trisomy 13 (before testing, the baby had like a 1 in 4,000 chance of Trisomy 13).

The genetics counsellor recommended that we're going back on Monday for more testing which we will, and to take a break from all the baby stuff, but are those high odds? I can't find anything to indicate if they are or aren't.

My wife's completely withdrawn and I feel like complete poo poo and that I've somehow did something terribly wrong pre/post conception. I guess we're both freaking out a bit since it's our first child but we had everything so organised from planning renovations to accommodate the perfect baby room to structuring major work projects to even organising a big surprise party to tell all our relatives this weekend which I don't know if I should cancel due to the uncertainty.

gently caress, I always thought pregnancies were an easy thing with enough planning but it's terrifying finding out that there's nothing that I can do when it comes to genetics.

gently caress

Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009

Kegslayer posted:

I feel like complete poo poo and that I've somehow did something terribly wrong pre/post conception.

Unless you've been wearing underpants made of nuclear waste you're not to blame for genetic mishaps.
The uncertainty sounds absolutely awful, I really feel for you.

And Funhilde, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Camrath
Mar 19, 2004

The UKMT Fudge Baron


Hey all!

I hope this isn't inappropriate for this thread, but it seemed to be the most apt on a scan over the forums. Anyway. I work in the fitness industry as a master personal trainer, and have recently started work at a new company that provides support to mothers, fathers and carers from birth onwards. My own area is directing the health and fitness part of the company, and we primarily provide seminars (and in my case physical exercise sessions) to keep new parents mentally and physically active together with providing a pleasant social environment for networking and getting out of the home. I'm not here for marketing or to advertise (in fact I'll keep the company anonymous if that's alright), but more just to canvas and research for opinions and information off my own bat.

Basically, I'd love to hear what sort of (specifically fitness related, but also in general) concerns new parents would specifically have (mothers in particular, but input from fathers would also be appreciated). Although I'm fully trained in post-natal exercise and recovery, as a man with no children of my own I'm obviously lacking in a certain level of perspective and knowledge. To the mums out there, what would be your biggest concern with regards fitness and recovery after childbirth? What would you feel would be the best way to have this addressed? Please feel free to PM me if you'd sooner discuss in private- I can also be reached on most of the major IM services and will give out details over PM.

I'm also looking for resources for my own knowledge and interest, in particular on the historical attitudes and practices relating to post-natal recovery; does anyone know of a good source for information on this? I've been doing a lot of digging online and have been banging my head against a brick wall trying to find useful information.

My apologies if this is inappropriate or unwelcome; I'm finding myself in the position of starting an exciting new career but feeling the gaps in my personal experience and knowledge very keenly and would love to talk with any new or soon-to-be parents to get their perspective on matters. :)

Illuminado
Mar 26, 2008

The Path Ahead is Dark

Kegslayer posted:

...I always thought pregnancies were an easy thing with enough planning but it's terrifying finding out that there's nothing that I can do when it comes to genetics.


Every stage of biological process is a roll of the dice. There's nothing wrong that you've done, and no amount of planning can account for these occurances. It's just... life. I went this earlier this year with my wife. You just need to be each other's support for a while, but you'll get through it. Honestly, it's an opportunity to get to know your partner better and to bring you closer. Good luck man.

superbelch
Dec 9, 2003
Making baby jesus cry since 1984.

Kegslayer posted:

Took my wife to her second ultrasound (at 12 weeks) and due to the way the baby didn't want to move, we couldn't do a nasal bone assessment and that with a higher than average heartbeat means that the baby was given a 1 in 160ish chance of Trisomy 13 (before testing, the baby had like a 1 in 4,000 chance of Trisomy 13).

The genetics counsellor recommended that we're going back on Monday for more testing which we will, and to take a break from all the baby stuff, but are those high odds? I can't find anything to indicate if they are or aren't.

My wife's completely withdrawn and I feel like complete poo poo and that I've somehow did something terribly wrong pre/post conception. I guess we're both freaking out a bit since it's our first child but we had everything so organised from planning renovations to accommodate the perfect baby room to structuring major work projects to even organising a big surprise party to tell all our relatives this weekend which I don't know if I should cancel due to the uncertainty.

gently caress, I always thought pregnancies were an easy thing with enough planning but it's terrifying finding out that there's nothing that I can do when it comes to genetics.

gently caress

I don't have my maternal fetal medicine text in front of me but 1/160 is likely higher than the age-related risk for your wife. I'm assuming the 1/4000 was based on her age. Did they draw blood to base trisomy risks on as well?

Key point however, is that 1/160 is still a very small risk - there is a 99.475% chance that your baby does NOT have T13.

I'm so sorry that you guys are going through this. One of the hardest parts is the powerlessness and the waiting. Let me know if you have other questions.

Jiro Kage
Aug 6, 2003

PICKLE SURPRISE!

Molly Bloom posted:

Little girl is now six weeks old. I'm breastfeeding and have had a problem with severe pain on the left side- which cleared up, only to turn into sever pain and now loving bleeding from a deep crack on the right. Breaking her off only makes her clamp down harder the second time.

As far as I can see, the latch is exactly as they showed me how to do it, and I've been smearing myself with Lansinoh. What the hell else do I do?

I've been the sort of record holder and consultant for my wife since she's so focused on feeding and general maintaining of the baby, so I've looked into and recorded all the stuff we got.

She had the same problem on her left breast, where it was exceptionally sore. They had her pump it solely for a day and a half, and then, to our surprise, both the pediatrician and the Lactation consultant recommended OLIVE OIL for her breasts. I didn't expect that. Today she told me "thank God it was recommended!". You might want to ask yours about that. He did warn us that if they did crack and bleed it would require antibiotics, so that may unfortunately be in the cards.

kells posted:

I've been struggling with eating, I feel starving a LOT but only seem to want carbs so I've gained a few kilos already I have been trying to pick decent carbs (so much vege sushi, yum!) but especially in the evenings I'll cook something for my partner and just not be able to stomach eating it so I'll just have some bread or cereal. I also wake up at night hungry fairly often but usually I can ignore it and get back to sleep.

My wife had this same problem too, although it was largely attributed to dietary restrictions due to gestational diabetes. It's cleared up now of course, and the baby was unaffected, but she had to stick herself 4 times a day and modulate her diet well. It led to her being pretty hungry at certain times, and the smaller birth weight of the baby was most likely due to that, although the alternative was a baby way too big, apparently. Even at 5lbs 15 oz she required an episiotomy, and a fairly big one at that I'm told. Seeing a nutritionist helped her a bit, but she was used to a diet that always contained bread, and apparently that was too much.

cailleask
May 6, 2007





We saw it! We saw our wiggly baby at the 12-week screen on Friday! The way she was jamming around in there made me a little surprised that I couldn't feel it. It seems like I should feel a headbutt like that, you know? Based on the ultrasound tech's experience and the left-side placenta, we're pretty sure it's a girl. Guess we'll know for sure in a couple weeks?

I had a question for you guys, though. We know conception / ovulation date pretty exactly, and measured spot-on to date at the 6 and 8 week ultrasound. This time, we measured 13w1 instead of 12w3. Am I doomed to have a big monster baby? I wasn't super big but my brother was, and my husband was big but his mom had diabetes so I don't know that it counts. I'm losing weight still with morning sickness, so I don't think it's due to my diet?

I'm doomed, aren't I.

Ceridwen
Dec 11, 2004
Of course... If the Jell-O gets moldy, the whole thing should be set aflame.

Hannah measured up to 3 days ahead at various times and wound up being exceedingly average sized (7 lbs, born 2 days after my due date). She was quite a bit smaller than either myself or my husband were as babies too. I wouldn't worry. Honestly they can't tell if the baby is too big to come out until you're in labor anyway, so it's not worth stressing yourself out over.

Tourette Meltdown
Sep 11, 2001

Most people with Tourette Syndrome are able to hold jobs and lead full lives. But not you.

cailleask posted:

We saw it! We saw our wiggly baby at the 12-week screen on Friday! The way she was jamming around in there made me a little surprised that I couldn't feel it. It seems like I should feel a headbutt like that, you know? Based on the ultrasound tech's experience and the left-side placenta, we're pretty sure it's a girl. Guess we'll know for sure in a couple weeks?

I had a question for you guys, though. We know conception / ovulation date pretty exactly, and measured spot-on to date at the 6 and 8 week ultrasound. This time, we measured 13w1 instead of 12w3. Am I doomed to have a big monster baby? I wasn't super big but my brother was, and my husband was big but his mom had diabetes so I don't know that it counts. I'm losing weight still with morning sickness, so I don't think it's due to my diet?

I'm doomed, aren't I.

Leon's estimated due date varied by WEEKS (from Oct 16 to Oct 11 to Oct 3) and he was a normal sized baby born October 8. My physician stressed that the EDD will change, probably frequently, and it's for them to be able to address any potential issues - so if your baby regularly measures well ahead or behind they'll look into it, but otherwise don't worry! Every baby grows at different rates.

Kegslayer
Jul 23, 2007

superbelch posted:

I don't have my maternal fetal medicine text in front of me but 1/160 is likely higher than the age-related risk for your wife. I'm assuming the 1/4000 was based on her age. Did they draw blood to base trisomy risks on as well?

Key point however, is that 1/160 is still a very small risk - there is a 99.475% chance that your baby does NOT have T13.

I'm so sorry that you guys are going through this. One of the hardest parts is the powerlessness and the waiting. Let me know if you have other questions.

So it turns out I freaked out too much which probably won't be the last time this is going to happen. Everything went well with the new scan (the chance of Trisomy 13 jumped to 1 in 6,000) and the baby was perfectly behaved. :3:


cailleask posted:

We saw it! We saw our wiggly baby at the 12-week screen on Friday! The way she was jamming around in there made me a little surprised that I couldn't feel it. It seems like I should feel a headbutt like that, you know?

I'm still amazed at how advanced technology is. We got to see the baby move in real time and hear it's heart beat. It seriously was a life changing moment for me.

Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009
The thing where they can literally zoom in and out of the baby is just mindblowing to me. "Here's the spine! Here's the heart! Here is your babys profile! Here's it's braaaaaains."

cailleask
May 6, 2007





That's awesome, Kegslayer. Hi five for 12-week baby scans!

It really was amazing when they did the entire organ checklist. Not only that the baby that was a 6-mm blob 6 weeks ago HAS all those things, but that somehow we can see them without hurting her.

Thanks for the reassurance about size. I'm not sure I can stop myself freaking out about it, but I'll try. It's just that my husband's head is so BIG! It's terrifying to look at. I have weird new sympathy for his mom.

jota23
Nov 18, 2010

"I don't think..."
"Then you shouldn't talk," said the Hatter."

cailleask posted:

Thanks for the reassurance about size. I'm not sure I can stop myself freaking out about it, but I'll try. It's just that my husband's head is so BIG! It's terrifying to look at. I have weird new sympathy for his mom.

I'm 28 weeks as of today. At my 12 week scan, my baby measured large by over a week, but at these more recent ones, her head is smaller by nearly a week while her legs stay longer by about a week. Their dimensions change as they grow, and your baby has a LOT of growing to do before she is born. Trying to judge a large baby before you are really due is like trying to pick the prize winning pumpkin from a patch of flowers. Even if you did wait until they are mature, you won't truly know until the weigh-in after she's born. I've heard and experienced through sisters and friends, too many stories of ultrasounds saying their baby is HUGE mere days before the birth, and is then born at an average weight and length.

skeetied
Mar 10, 2011

cailleask posted:

Thanks for the reassurance about size. I'm not sure I can stop myself freaking out about it, but I'll try. It's just that my husband's head is so BIG! It's terrifying to look at. I have weird new sympathy for his mom.

If it helps, I had an average sized baby, but he had a 99th percentile head with a nuchal hand and I had minimal tearing. My midwife just had me go very slowly while crowning to let everything adjust.

Inudeku
Jul 13, 2008
The wife is really wanting a nice diaper bag and I want to surprise her and pick one up.

The only requirement is that it has a wipe dispenser. She's dead set on one. Not looking for anything more than a hundred though.

I figured you'd ladies know best, so I thought I'd ask before I make a dumb decision and pick up some horrible bag!

Ben Davis
Apr 17, 2003

I'm as clumsy as I am beautiful
Does it need to have an external wipe dispenser, like all Fisher-Price Fastfinder series, or just an internal one? If it's internal, you have a lot more options and prettier bags, but drat if that external one isn't handy.

Inudeku
Jul 13, 2008

Ben Davis posted:

Does it need to have an external wipe dispenser, like all Fisher-Price Fastfinder series, or just an internal one? If it's internal, you have a lot more options and prettier bags, but drat if that external one isn't handy.

She'd probably prefer an external, at least from a couple we've looked at. I'm totally lost on this kind of thing haha.

Anya
Nov 3, 2004
"If you have information worth hearing, then I am grateful for it. If you're gonna crack jokes, then I'm gonna pull out your ribcage and wear it as a hat."
Is there any reason why I should need an ultrasound after 36 weeks? I have my 37 on Wednesday and while I haven't had one since August- the three other friends who are all due the same week as me have been getting then almost every week for about a month. Different locations/practices I know- but I thought it was kind of hard to see anything due to kiddo filling up the field of view.

sheri
Dec 30, 2002

Anya posted:

Is there any reason why I should need an ultrasound after 36 weeks? I have my 37 on Wednesday and while I haven't had one since August- the three other friends who are all due the same week as me have been getting then almost every week for about a month. Different locations/practices I know- but I thought it was kind of hard to see anything due to kiddo filling up the field of view.

Nope! My practice does the 20 weeker and then only another one if the doc thinks something necessitates it.

superbelch
Dec 9, 2003
Making baby jesus cry since 1984.

Anya posted:

Is there any reason why I should need an ultrasound after 36 weeks? I have my 37 on Wednesday and while I haven't had one since August- the three other friends who are all due the same week as me have been getting then almost every week for about a month. Different locations/practices I know- but I thought it was kind of hard to see anything due to kiddo filling up the field of view.

Beaten, but no reason for it unless there's an issue like growth restriction, low fluid, etc.

lady flash
Dec 26, 2007
keeper of the speed force
I had one at 36 weeks just to check if he was head down but I don't think I even saw the screen. Then again right before I was induced to make sure he was still head down.

Anya
Nov 3, 2004
"If you have information worth hearing, then I am grateful for it. If you're gonna crack jokes, then I'm gonna pull out your ribcage and wear it as a hat."
Okay cool. I thought there wasn't any need but I wasn't sure. Just had the last baby shower this weekend, which means that we are getting close. Enjoying my last days of being as irresponsible (within reason- train trip to see the Chicago family this week!) as possible...

skeetied
Mar 10, 2011
Yeah, I only had one around then because hypothyroidism in the mother can impact the baby's growth. It was seriously the most boring ultrasound ever. His head was jammed so far down that we couldn't even see his face.

Ben Davis
Apr 17, 2003

I'm as clumsy as I am beautiful

Inudeku posted:

She'd probably prefer an external, at least from a couple we've looked at. I'm totally lost on this kind of thing haha.

I could be wrong, but I think the only 2 brands that do that are Fisher-Price Fastfinder and some Eddie Bauer bags. I don't think any super fancy or super pretty ones have that feature yet. I could be wrong, though!

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

I have a FP one with an external and I never use it. The wipes just dry out and the container opens.

skullamity
Nov 9, 2004

So, I'm in a bit of a weird situation that I'm not quite sure how to deal with. My sister and I were never super close living at home together, but that was over ten years ago and we text all the time now. When we started trying for this second baby, she came to me for advice because her and her husband had just started trying, too. We got pregnant in August and miscarried not long after, we were encouraging to each other and supportive, I gave her info on where to get cheap ovulation test strips when she was getting frustrated, and when she got pregnant last month I was the first person she told/texted a picture to of the test and went to for advice. I was still frustrated and sad about the miscarriage I'd just had, but I was genuinely excited for her and was all sorts of encouraging and helpful in helping her find a doctor. She told our parents about a week after she found out, good times were had by all.

Now that I'm finally pregnant, too, she's acting really weird. I was trying to decide on when to let my parents know so that, if something happens I'd have some support and also so they don't get suspicious when I don't drink at family events, and she was adamant that I keep them in the dark as long as possible and has voiced repeatedly that I should just wait until I'm out of the first trimester to tell anyone at all. She'll go on at length about what names she's picking and what symptoms she's experiencing, but the second I try to relate to what she's talking about, she suddenly just stops responding or purposely ignores what I said and changes the subject.

I get that this is her first pregnancy and she's enjoying all of the attention, but I'm kind of baffled by how she's treating me. Our kids are due a month apart, and I'm so excited to have kids so close together, and I'm kind of at a loss for how to deal with this.

Anyone else been in or is currently in a similar situation with close friends or relatives who are also pregnant? Younger me probably would have got in her face about it, but I'm almost thirty and just want to enjoy what seems like a really awesome situation. She's making it really hard, though.

EVG
Dec 17, 2005

If I Saw It, Here's How It Happened.

raaaan posted:

So, I'm in a bit of a weird situation that I'm not quite sure how to deal with. My sister and I were never super close living at home together, but that was over ten years ago and we text all the time now. When we started trying for this second baby, she came to me for advice because her and her husband had just started trying, too. We got pregnant in August and miscarried not long after, we were encouraging to each other and supportive, I gave her info on where to get cheap ovulation test strips when she was getting frustrated, and when she got pregnant last month I was the first person she told/texted a picture to of the test and went to for advice. I was still frustrated and sad about the miscarriage I'd just had, but I was genuinely excited for her and was all sorts of encouraging and helpful in helping her find a doctor. She told our parents about a week after she found out, good times were had by all.

Now that I'm finally pregnant, too, she's acting really weird. I was trying to decide on when to let my parents know so that, if something happens I'd have some support and also so they don't get suspicious when I don't drink at family events, and she was adamant that I keep them in the dark as long as possible and has voiced repeatedly that I should just wait until I'm out of the first trimester to tell anyone at all. She'll go on at length about what names she's picking and what symptoms she's experiencing, but the second I try to relate to what she's talking about, she suddenly just stops responding or purposely ignores what I said and changes the subject.

I get that this is her first pregnancy and she's enjoying all of the attention, but I'm kind of baffled by how she's treating me. Our kids are due a month apart, and I'm so excited to have kids so close together, and I'm kind of at a loss for how to deal with this.

Anyone else been in or is currently in a similar situation with close friends or relatives who are also pregnant? Younger me probably would have got in her face about it, but I'm almost thirty and just want to enjoy what seems like a really awesome situation. She's making it really hard, though.

It sounds like maybe she's concerned that you might miscarry again - either for sympathy for you and your parents/friends and having to break bad news again if this occurred early on. Or, afraid that if that happened, that the bad news would cast a pall on her pregnancy - like, people don't want to celebrate for her when it's tragic for you. But that's just a guess. Have you asked her about it straight out?

skullamity
Nov 9, 2004

I haven't, mostly because of how we were growing up--my parents had five kids, so the two of us were sticking rooming together. We had vastly different interests, and though she was younger, she was the definite favorite. Everything was a competition for her between us, which baffled me because she was popular, high grades, sports star and I was average, unpopular and spent all of my free time drawing. She got a lot of amusement at my expense, and made a pretty big effort for me to feel like poo poo about myself (right down to me teaching her how to code a simple website, information which she then used to make a website about how much of a loser I was and then circulated it to all of her friends before she got caught).

I mostly chalked all that bullshit up to the fact that there were seven of us crammed in a tiny house together and no one had any personal space. I moved out when I was 19, and didn't speak to any of my family for a couple years, and when we reconnected everything was a hundred times better and more family like than it used to be, and has been for the past decade.

I guess I'm afraid to straight up ask her because if it turns out that this is the same kind of weird confusing jealousy that caused teenage her to purposely destroy or ruin small things that made me happy, then it will ruin everything.

I've heard that some people get really weird about other people's pregnancies, and I am 100% willing to chalk it up to that if it keeps the peace. It's still going to bother the crap out of me until she stops doing it, though, and right now it's just a matter of when I tell my parents. I may even just wait until I hit 12 weeks just so she get her fill of spotlight, just to be nice--this is my second kid, and I've already been where she is. It isn't that much of a big deal except for the part where I can't talk to my mom about any of this.

Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009
If it were me I think I'd just ask her what's up, as non-confrontationally as possible, making sure to mention how exited you are to be sharing this with her.

Maybe she's afraid that with the miscarriage you'll get all the attention now, even though this is your second baby and her first. Pregnancy does a number on your brain and irrational and seemingly petty worries can feel pretty overwhelming. She might not even be conscious of the way she's treating you. But this is pure speculation, the only way to find out would be to talk to her. Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll pass when she gets more settled into this whole pregnancy business.

Fionnoula
May 27, 2010

Ow, quit.

Ben Davis posted:

I could be wrong, but I think the only 2 brands that do that are Fisher-Price Fastfinder and some Eddie Bauer bags. I don't think any super fancy or super pretty ones have that feature yet. I could be wrong, though!

DadGear makes them with an external wipe container - they have a special container that comes with them. Their messenger style bag has access to it under the flap, so it's still protected from just popping open, but you don't have to open the whole bag to get to them. External access bottle pockets and stroller hangers as well. Haven't ever used one myself, but they look pretty nifty and have tons of designs. They run about $85.

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PennoyerNeff
Mar 29, 2003

Gooey, gooey, gooey . . . DUCK!
Belated thanks to everybody for your contributions. I've read every single post in this thread (and most of previous thread). Can't express how helpful it's been during pregnancy and post-partum (baby's 7 weeks now).

raaaan posted:

<Sibling weirdness.>

Raaan, our situations are so similiar! I'm also an older sister who didn't get along with her younger sister growing up but have a decent relationship as adults, and we both also got pregnant a month apart. My sister felt like our parents paid more attention to me and our brother than they did to her when we were kids. Of course, the family and I don't agree but we're aware that this is her heart-felt belief so we're all careful to make sure she feels respected and included. This usually means that my family and I bite our tongues A LOT when talking with her because she's overly sensitive to what she perceives as critcism coming from us. Since I can never be truly honest with her and since she's always on guard waiting for me to question her, she'll never be my closest/best friend. We'll always have a unique and loving bond, and would do anything for each other, but we also both have other friends that we confide in and who we go to for baby care questions. I still hope that our daughters grow up together as good friends and my sister expresses the same idea, but I'm also prepared for the possibility that our kids won't get along because their moms have different personalities and childrearing philosophies.

With regards to our relationship during our mutual pregnancies, we didn't have many conflicts probably because we're so different. For example, she made a public announcement on Facebook at the end of her first trimester and her status updates since then have all been pregnancy-related. I only told people (in-person) when necessary. She's (with my permission) posted on Facebook more photos/info about my baby than I have. She had two baby showers while I had none (at my request). She had a hard time understanding that I didn't want a baby shower and repeatedly asked me if I was sure, hinting that she'd throw me one.

I don't know your sister well enough to know how or if you should talk to her. But, if you want your mom's support during your first trimester with your second pregnancy or wtf regarding your sister, go ahead and talk with her when you want instead of waiting for your sister's approval. If it's old childhood dynamics coming into play, you're going to need the advice of someone who knows both of you especially when other pregnancy milestones come up at the same time.

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