Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
Deadly Ham Sandwich
Aug 19, 2009
Smellrose
Humans were the real monster all along.

edit: Lame post for new page. Have puppies.

Deadly Ham Sandwich fucked around with this message at 01:28 on Jan 29, 2014

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012




Deadly Ham Sandwich posted:

And today we learn that goblins grow into trolls if they live long enough. Going to run into a bunch of trolls in a cave.

Actually, we really don't seem to know much about any of the monsters, other than they need killin'. After our bride price is paid, I would like to go along with just Snarls to track and observe monsters. Maybe we could learn more about how to find them, kill them, or capture them.

We just need to spend time with Aaron and an emphasis on monster killing lore instead of stealth, etc. Stealth is rad, but I feel like we're decent enough at it now, we've even replicated Aaron's trick of sneaking upon deer and breaking their necks. We just can't do it as easily/consistently as him.

Alternatively, after we have our bride price, we can enter into a rad weight-training program with Chait and Agamemnon. We can bum with King-Dad for a few years as we build up a solid nest egg, then buy a decent house. Or if we fail in our quest, we can sell our dick collection for a gently caress-ton of cash and just train our strength for awhile. It's really loving low for our status in this society apparently.

the_steve
Nov 9, 2005

We're always hiring!

I too am in favor of strength training once we're married. We need to get beefy enough to use the SuperClub that Ishamal gave us, plus, we're probably going to need a pretty good strength modifier to use the bow from Seir if we ever get one.

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012




the_steve posted:

I too am in favor of strength training once we're married. We need to get beefy enough to use the SuperClub that Ishamal gave us, plus, we're probably going to need a pretty good strength modifier to use the bow from Seir if we ever get one.

I have an idea for some discussion while we wait on an update. How about we stop hunting monsters for a bit after this, take Snarls and Danal and we train up?

We have, if they're willing, Chait, Ag, and Ishamal get us super swole. We spar Mighty Men with increasingly heavy clubs that we wield, etc, in preparation for the club. Ishamal can teach us some monster lore on the side since he certainly knows it, but doesn't hunt anymore it seems. He wants to enjoy life and if we can appeal to that, he might be willing to do it. Nothing supernatural learned, we just wanna use our big honking club.

Our money from the investments can probably fund what we owe Tudiya, though at the same time we'd not necessarily be in his household during this training.

edit: by after this I mean the entire foreskin quest, whether we succeed or fail.

SerSpook fucked around with this message at 02:03 on Jan 29, 2014

Deadly Ham Sandwich
Aug 19, 2009
Smellrose
I am all for a training montage.

Sogol
Apr 11, 2013

Galileo's Finger
We can become the Audubon of Monsters.

"Shhhh... That's a Lesser Brown Spotted River Goblin. Note the ears and the feet. Very rare. We are incredibly lucky. I thought I had killed them all."

Tsyni
Sep 1, 2004
Lipstick Apathy
DCBomb, something ominous from the DnD Pictures thread:

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012




Tsyni posted:

DCBomb, something ominous from the DnD Pictures thread:



Oh poo poo.

And we've already voted to go through with it.

Basscop
Jun 4, 2010

Lightnin? HA! Thats a good 'un!
Now why dontcha
come o'er here and
GET

IN

MY

BELLY!!!
Beware the goblin molotovs

LLSix
Jan 20, 2010

The real power behind countless overlords

SerSpook posted:

I have an idea for some discussion while we wait on an update. How about we stop hunting monsters for a bit after this, take Snarls and Danal and we train up?

I like this idea, but I think there's a few things you're forgetting.

1) To get the next level of bow we either need a ridiculous amount of money or to kill a giant. Either way, we need to go monster hunting.

2) Training and not earning money means not getting mom her Tavern or Naomi a household to manage for us.

3) Danal's manhood trial roughly coincides with our deadline for foreskins. So Tudiya will probably want him to apprentice with someone afterwards. In one sense, it would be cool if that was us, but any of the more experienced Mighty Men could probably teach him a lot more than we could. They'd also be less likely to get him kidnapped by a witch.

Tsyni posted:

DCBomb, something ominous from the DnD Pictures thread:



You goons and your formations. See what your hubris has wrought.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

You can see what is in the cave. It is goblins far as the eye can see, you see at least a hundred. Your ambush has worked as perfectly as you might have hoped. Uriah, the youngest of your mighty sons, Lullaya's younger brother yells "UPON THEM! ELLL!" and charges. The goblins in their great numbers are terrified and in full retreat into the cave. Behind you, Snarls has ripped the throats out of two goblins who lay dying, finishing them off.





You yell to Uriah "GET YOUR rear end BACK HERE!" and yell to the rest of your men "Advance! Together!" The goblins run and shriek in terror. Uriah takes down three goblins from the rear and slows as the rest of your men catch up to him.

The cave is only wide enough for three men and so you advance at a march as the goblins flee.

After you have walked about a hundred paces the goblins are out of sight but you still hear them fleeing and yelling either in alarm, terror or both. Some of the goblins who were wounded in the initial melee escaped but then stumbled from their wounds, you spear several more as do your men, their bones crack beneath your heels.

Many more!

The cave narrows and you can only go two men across and then only one but then widens to fit six or so across.





The cave forks in three different directions ahead. You hear goblins fleeing from each of them but hear more movement through the center of the three paths before you. Snarls nose confirms it.

Many more! Many each way. Most ahead!





Your nose can confirm their presence as well, the cave smells terrible. The bones of many sorts of animals litter the floor, some of them look like they may be human. Several of your men struck up torches before the trap was sprung, light is not a problem, for now. The caves you have found goblins in before had at most a few dozen and none were all that deep, certainly none this deep. Aaron never made a priority of going after goblins though, if Snarls smelled anything else he would go after those first and only waste his time with goblins if nothing else could be found, even if the next closest beast might be a day or more away.

1. You...
A. Retreat, rather than chase the goblins deeper into the cave.
B. Go through the path directly ahead, which is wide enough for three men.
C. Go through the path to the left, wide enough for two men.
D. Go through the path on the right, wide enough for one men.
E. Hold here for a time, see what happens.
F. Stay here and taunt and mock the goblins to lure them out.
G. Make a whole lot of noise to let them know your group is here, you then sneak ahead through the path on the left.
H. Make a whole lot of noise to let them know your group is here, you then sneak ahead through the path on the right.
I. Noise, but, you don't go alone, take the Mighty Sons with you, go left.
J. Noise, but, you don't go alone, take the Mighty Sons with you, go right.
K. Pray to El to guide you.
L. Pray to someone else to guide you.
M. Spin your lucky stone knife in the air and let it decide which way you go.
N. Something else. Fill in.

2. If you voted to advance, what is your pace?
O. I voted not to advance, so I don't answer this question.
P. Walking, in as tight a formation as we can manage under the circumstances.
Q. Jogging.
R. Running, get after the goblins as quickly as you can.
S. Something else.

3. If you voted advance with most of your men, do you leave any men here?
T. I did not vote to advance with most of my men, so I don't answer this question.
U. No.
V. Yes. Five men here, to guard the way out, five of my non-Mighty Balls.
W. Yes. Five men, four Non-Mighty Balls and one Mighty Ball.
X. Yes. Five men, but not in the cave, I send them out of the cave to guard the donkeys and slaves outside.

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012




1. B
2. P
3. No particular opinion here.

LLSix posted:

I like this idea, but I think there's a few things you're forgetting.

1) To get the next level of bow we either need a ridiculous amount of money or to kill a giant. Either way, we need to go monster hunting.

2) Training and not earning money means not getting mom her Tavern or Naomi a household to manage for us.

3) Danal's manhood trial roughly coincides with our deadline for foreskins. So Tudiya will probably want him to apprentice with someone afterwards. In one sense, it would be cool if that was us, but any of the more experienced Mighty Men could probably teach him a lot more than we could. They'd also be less likely to get him kidnapped by a witch.

1) I think we don't really need the next level of bow yet anyway. What we have is effective, and Chait may have overestimated our strength anyway. We might not be effective with the giant-bone bow.

2) This is true, though keep in mind we have passive income from investments. Lefkandi, in particular, appears lucrative. It won't be as much money, but its enough to pay for our expenses with Tudiya.

3) Danal's manhood trial should be when he's 16, and he's like 12 or 13 right now, unless I'm missing something. He has plenty of time and it'll be good for his development.

Another point to consider with number 2 is that if we find that we develop inhuman levels of strength, or even top-tier normal person of our size strength, we can be a much more effective monster hunter. This means more trophies for when we hunt with Aaron, or being a more effective fighter for our team. A time investment right now, and losing that wealth, for a greater skill boost and perhaps more income in the future.

SerSpook fucked around with this message at 03:23 on Jan 29, 2014

There Bias Two
Jan 13, 2009
I'm not a good person

A, we can't afford to separate our forces, and choosing any single path would expose our Balls to a rear attack.

LLSix
Jan 20, 2010

The real power behind countless overlords

+ Jaasiel, Ithma, walk at the back. Keep an eye behind you and make sure the goblins don't attack us from behind while we chase them. Jaasiel and Ithma are two of our blooded men, we want them guarding the back now that we're potentially surrounded.



Althair
Jul 26, 2006
words are weapons
1. A

Tsyni
Sep 1, 2004
Lipstick Apathy
BPX

Tsyni fucked around with this message at 03:37 on Jan 29, 2014

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012




Retreating at this point probably isn't a good idea, though we might consider splitting our men into three (or four) distinct groups, each with Blooded fighters. One larger force, with us at the head, to hit the center more populated region. Two smaller ones to hit the rear paths, and then perhaps a reserve force at the rear.

The problem is we can't account for how many are actually in here. We might be overwhelmed by sheer press of numbers or they could have an ogre or band of orcs they work aside. Maybe a troll.

The problem with retreating though is these are only goblins, as far as our men know. Not something to flee from. Whereas choosing a different path from the knife, or checking again the next day probably wouldn't gently caress with their perceptions of us, showing possible cowardice will. In this we need a decisive victory. If we're lucky Tudiya will count this den as a foreskin and we can probably get a bunch of the goblin necklaces that are somewhat valuable. The rest will be burnt as a sacrifice to El.

Task Manager
Sep 5, 2008

A weird time in which we are alive. We can travel anywhere we want, even to other planets. And for what? To sit day after day, declining in morale and hope.
I Q T

Let's get our non-Mighty Balls making quite a ruckus at the entrance to the main path, and jog down the left path with our Mighty Balls.

Hopefully, if the gobbos think we are coming down the main path and are preparing a trap, we can swoop in relatively undetected on the left and send them scattering.

Sure, there's a chance the left path splits the party - I think us and the Mighty Balls will be fine if so, while the bottleneck of three wide will help the Non-Mighty Balls hold them off if they charge forward.

Task Manager fucked around with this message at 03:46 on Jan 29, 2014

Facebook Aunt
Oct 4, 2008

wiggle wiggle




B P X

Theglavwen
Jun 10, 2006

Frankly, I don't know anyone who likes Chinese bronzes, but I have one of the finest collections in the country.
1. E: Which is B plus keeping a row of men at the back facing backwards, shield-walling, in case we get flanked.
2. Q.
3. U.

I think it's worth being careful, but we probably don't need to be crawling along at max caution.

Deadly Ham Sandwich
Aug 19, 2009
Smellrose
- straight ahead
- no one is going to die doing something dumb on a goblin hunt
- don't want any goblins running out and attacking our few men outside, and this will prevent goblins from flanking us from the other 2 tunnels.

FoxTerrier
Feb 15, 2012

Perfectly logical poster who uses the tools available to him to come to solid conclusions

Ask Snarls if he smells any monsters besides Goblins

1. Split up into three groups. Two mighty sons to the left, two to the right, us in the center by someone strong. Let the rest follow, with a majority going with us down the middle. There's no point going inside in a big line if most of the men are going to be standing there uselessly, unable to make it to the front action. This also means no goblins can swing back from the right or left sides of the caves to attack the slaves/donkeys or our rear. Control all the exits and entrances, basically.

2. Jog. Don't run so fast you trip, but try not to give them time to re-group.

3. Just on the off chance there's another exit we don't know about.

FoxTerrier fucked around with this message at 04:15 on Jan 29, 2014

Eryxias
Feb 17, 2011

Stay low.
1. B - Center - As we go through have the last guys watching behind us for a sneak attack.

2. P - Slow and steady wins the war

3. X - Send some guys outside the cave - some other monsters outside may have heard the commotion and attack.

HiHo ChiRho
Oct 23, 2010

e: changing my vote to Plan FoxTerrier.

HiHo ChiRho fucked around with this message at 04:41 on Jan 29, 2014

Sogol
Apr 11, 2013

Galileo's Finger

FoxTerrier posted:

Ask Snarls if he smells any monsters besides Goblins

1. Split up into three groups. Two mighty sons to the left, two to the right, us in the center by someone strong. Let the rest follow, with a majority going with us down the middle. There's no point going inside in a big line if most of the men are going to be standing there uselessly, unable to make it to the front action. This also means no goblins can swing back from the right or left sides of the caves to attack the slaves/donkeys or our rear. Control all the exits and entrances, basically.

2. Jog. Don't run so fast you trip, but try not to give them time to re-group.

3. Just on the off chance there's another exit we don't know about.
N, Q, X
This sounds good.

Maybe have the smaller passages guarded rather than an advance?

Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree

FoxTerrier posted:

Ask Snarls if he smells any monsters besides Goblins

1. Split up into three groups. Two mighty sons to the left, two to the right, us in the center by someone strong. Let the rest follow, with a majority going with us down the middle. There's no point going inside in a big line if most of the men are going to be standing there uselessly, unable to make it to the front action. This also means no goblins can swing back from the right or left sides of the caves to attack the slaves/donkeys or our rear. Control all the exits and entrances, basically.

2. Jog. Don't run so fast you trip, but try not to give them time to re-group.

3. Just on the off chance there's another exit we don't know about.

voting for this

the_steve
Nov 9, 2005

We're always hiring!

Plan FoxTerrier sounds good. +1 to it

Coq au Nandos
Nov 7, 2006

I think I would say to my daughters if they were to ask me this question... A shitpost is the greatest gift that you can give someone, the ultimate gift of giving and don't give it to someone lightly, that's what I would say.

the_steve posted:

Plan FoxTerrier sounds good. +1 to it

Make that +2.

hollylolly
Jun 5, 2009

Do you like superheroes? Check out my CYOA Mutants: Uprising

How about weird historical fiction? Try Vampires of the Caribbean

Plan FoxTerrier

Cat Wings
Oct 12, 2012

FoxTerrier bandwagoning

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

FoxTerrier posted:

Ask Snarls if he smells any monsters besides Goblins

A Big-and-Smelly. Deeper.

Or translated from Snarls-to-Zepathan, you know that to be Snarls term for...

Ogre.





The two side tunnels are far too small for an ogre, the middle would probably be big enough if it crawled?

Diogines fucked around with this message at 05:18 on Jan 29, 2014

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012




Diogines posted:

A Big-and-smelly

Or translated from Snarls-to-Zepathan, you know that to be Snarls term for...

Ogre.




Ogres are worse than minotaurs, and we're doing this with a bunch of goblins.

What do we want to do?

edit: Snarls which path is the Big-and-Smelly down?

Coq au Nandos
Nov 7, 2006

I think I would say to my daughters if they were to ask me this question... A shitpost is the greatest gift that you can give someone, the ultimate gift of giving and don't give it to someone lightly, that's what I would say.

Diogines posted:

A Big-and-Smelly. Deeper.

Or translated from Snarls-to-Zepathan, you know that to be Snarls term for...

Ogre.




Run the gently caress away.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

SerSpook posted:

edit: Snarls which path is the Big-and-Smelly down?

Ahead.

Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree
They have a cave troll

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012




Set up an ambush in the main cave section. Try to bait the Ogre to come at us from there. It'll have to crawl through the tunnel and we can gently caress it up pretty good during that section.

Tax Inductions
Jul 9, 2007

I carry refreshments to the good guys
I made the good guys some home fries
Whatever we do, don't forget to tell our men that there's an Ogre up ahead.

Sogol
Apr 11, 2013

Galileo's Finger
Sticking with an Ogre focused Plan FoxTerrier.

Crap.

Can't really leave a Gobbo army and Ogre behind us. They aren't just wandering, this is their home.

Ogre must have a way in and out someplace?

First action is to let the Balls know.

Maybe make a focused elite cave sized Wall. Ogre can't really come into the tunnel. Fight the Ogre where we have the advantage. Make sure we have rear guard on the other tunnels so we have a way out if needed. We be able to set up a bow shot if necessary.

Basically stick with Plan FoxTerrier with adjustments for Ogre.

If we can disable or take out the Ogre (big if and all) the Gobbos are a complete mop up action at that point.

Sogol fucked around with this message at 05:35 on Jan 29, 2014

Raserys
Aug 22, 2011

IT'S YA BOY

Diogines posted:

A Big-and-Smelly. Deeper.

Or translated from Snarls-to-Zepathan, you know that to be Snarls term for...

Ogre.





The two side tunnels are far too small for an ogre, the middle would probably be big enough if it crawled?

Haha nope, pull out.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

A reminder on what you know about fighting ogres:

They are very large, ten feet tall or more and very, very strong. They are stupid. Lesser blows will do nothing but anger them. While an arrow might cause a minotaur to bleed to death long after it stomps you flat, an arrow is probably going to just stick in an ogre's rough hide. Of the seventy two foreskins you have obtained, two were from ogres you killed. One you shot into it's open mouth, through the roof of it's mouth and into it's brain.

Another you shot in the eye. That did not kill it. Aaron did. It sure made it angry though.

The other ogre you actually killed, you hit with an arrow in the eye at almost point blank range, ten feet off. You practically fired it from behind Aaron's shoulder. Judging the capabilities of your men, your Balls are more than a match to kill such a beast but they are immensely strong and can crush a shield in one blow. Aaron did not even try to parry the ones he fought, he dodged their blows. An ogre carcass dragged back Zepath is going to bring in... a substantial sum. You are not an expert on pricing such things, but the whole body? Maybe sixty or seventy pounds of silver? You'd have to check with Indor, you promised to sell to her after all.

Diogines fucked around with this message at 13:48 on Jan 29, 2014

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply