Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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MODS CURE JOKES: Nov 11, 2009; OFFICIAL SAS 90s REMEMBERER

This is totally unrelated to the discussion at hand, but I feel like it merits saying that Crion might be my favorite sports journalist. Unironically. Every article is thoughtful + well written + also funny. Good on you, sir.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 14:35

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# ? Apr 20, 2024 04:25

tinstaach: Aug 3, 2010; MAGNetic AttITUDE

MourningView posted:

Yeah people talked about it even at the time. It was pretty obvious what was going on there.

I was about to ask why the union didn't raise an issue, but then I remembered that ~~Jon Dowd~~ Bonds wasn't in the union.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 17:24

C. Everett Koop: Aug 18, 2008

tinstaach posted:

I was about to ask why the union didn't raise an issue, but then I remembered that ~~Jon Dowd~~ Bonds wasn't in the union.

I thought Bonds had only withdrawn his likeness for games/cards/whatever?

And the problem with Bonds' collusion is that he'd have to prove it, and it's too easy for all the clubs to just say "we don't want a 40 year old with an injury history even though he'd be the best hitter on our team by a country mile" without documented proof. The owners being dumbshits and making their collusion obvious is what busted them before. Like String said, don't take notes on a criminal loving conspiracy.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 18:39

ElwoodCuse: Jan 11, 2004; we're puttin' the band back together

Yeah it was only for licensing.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 18:53

General Dog: Apr 26, 2008; Everybody's working for the weekend

C. Everett Koop posted:

I thought Bonds had only withdrawn his likeness for games/cards/whatever?

And the problem with Bonds' collusion is that he'd have to prove it, and it's too easy for all the clubs to just say "we don't want a 40 year old with an injury history even though he'd be the best hitter on our team by a country mile" without documented proof. The owners being dumbshits and making their collusion obvious is what busted them before. Like String said, don't take notes on a criminal loving conspiracy.

Plus, it's not like teams have a responsibility to sign a player just because he can still play. I'm generally a Bonds defender, but if none if the owners wanted to take on the PR issues that would come with signing Bonds, then that's their decision to make.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 20:34

toadee: Aug 16, 2003; North American Turtle Boy Love Association

There is simply no way that all teams passed on someone who had a .480 OBP the previous season who publicly stated he was willing to play for league minimum without there being some word going around behind the scenes that nobody better sign him.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 20:45

Simplex: Jun 29, 2003

I would say that there it's a pretty big difference in that A-Rod is still under contract for two more years and what $50 million? I assume at this point he just shows up to collect his paycheck even if he doesn't want to or can't pay anymore

# ? Feb 18, 2014 21:50

Tender Bender: Sep 17, 2004

toadee posted:

There is simply no way that all teams passed on someone who had a .480 OBP the previous season who publicly stated he was willing to play for league minimum without there being some word going around behind the scenes that nobody better sign him.

Who were the Rays dh-ing in 2008? In an alternate universe I like to think they sign him and win the world series.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 22:11

Moe_Rahn: Jun 1, 2006; I got a question
why they hatin' on me?
I ain't did nothin' to 'em
but count this money
and put my team on
got my whole clique stunnin'
boy wassup
yeeeeeaaaaaahhhh

Tender Bender posted:

Who were the Rays dh-ing in 2008? In an alternate universe I like to think they sign him and win the world series.

A mixture of Cliff Floyd, Rocco Baldelli, and Jonny Gomes, with a dash of whoever wasn't playing the field that day.

# ? Feb 18, 2014 22:52

Crion: Sep 30, 2004; baseball.

MODS CURE JOKES posted:

This is totally unrelated to the discussion at hand, but I feel like it merits saying that Crion might be my favorite sports journalist. Unironically. Every article is thoughtful + well written + also funny. Good on you, sir.

hello, Dad

# ? Feb 19, 2014 08:15

swizz: Oct 10, 2004; I can recall being broke with some friends in Tennessee and deciding to have a party and being able to afford only two-fifths of a $1.75 bourbon called Two Natural, whose label showed dice coming up 5 and 2. Its taste was memorable. The psychological effect was also notable.

David Hill's recent article on Grantland, entitled "Can't Knock the Hustle", is a fascinating look into the world of modern billiards and a really fantastic read

# ? Feb 19, 2014 19:55

MourningView: Sep 2, 2006; Is this Heaven?

swizz posted:

David Hill's recent article on Grantland, entitled "Can't Knock the Hustle", is a fascinating look into the world of modern billiards and a really fantastic read

Yeah I read this yesterday and meant to post about it here. It's great.

# ? Feb 19, 2014 19:58

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

swizz posted:

David Hill's recent article on Grantland, entitled "Can't Knock the Hustle", is a fascinating look into the world of modern billiards and a really fantastic read

Pro click right here. That's an awesome article.

# ? Feb 19, 2014 20:17

MODS CURE JOKES: Nov 11, 2009; OFFICIAL SAS 90s REMEMBERER

Crion posted:

hello, Dad

I am simultaneously the dad and the tiny babby

# ? Feb 20, 2014 00:17

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

swizz posted:

David Hill's recent article on Grantland, entitled "Can't Knock the Hustle", is a fascinating look into the world of modern billiards and a really fantastic read

Also definitive proof that momentum is A Thing

# ? Feb 20, 2014 03:25

General Dog: Apr 26, 2008; Everybody's working for the weekend

This is apropos of nothing, but when is ESPN going to launch its inevitable late night talk show hosted by Bill Simmons?

General Dog fucked around with this message at 04:15 on Feb 21, 2014

# ? Feb 21, 2014 04:13

The Goog: Aug 6, 2007; It's a Goog Day, yes it is!

Roughly never, given that such a show would attract the same demo as Jimmy Kimmel, and he is on ABC.

# ? Feb 21, 2014 08:05

Benne: Sep 2, 2011; STOP DOING HEROIN

Yeah, I really don't see an audience for that type of format. At that time of night, people are tuning into ESPN to get caught up on the scores and highlights, not to see half-baked sketches or monologues they could just watch on Kimmel/Fallon instead.

As the poster above alluded to, ESPN isn't sacrificing a half hour of its SportsCenter block just to do what Kimmel is already doing on its parent network.

Benne fucked around with this message at 08:32 on Feb 21, 2014

# ? Feb 21, 2014 08:30

Truther Vandross: Jun 17, 2008

put him on ABC at 1:30 after Kimmel

# ? Feb 21, 2014 20:55

Thaddius the Large: Jul 5, 2006; It's in the five-hole!

The Goog posted:

Roughly never, given that such a show would attract the same demo as Jimmy Kimmel, and he is on ABC.

Morons are a demographic?

# ? Feb 21, 2014 21:14

The Goog: Aug 6, 2007; It's a Goog Day, yes it is!

Thaddius the Large posted:

Morons are a demographic?

White male sports fans, so...yes.

# ? Feb 21, 2014 22:36

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

The Goog posted:

White male sports fans, so...yes.

Its racist to suggest only white male sports fans are morons.

Kinda sexist too.

# ? Feb 23, 2014 00:20

Pvt. Public: Sep 9, 2004; I am become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds.

Sash! posted:

Its racist to suggest only white male sports fans are morons.

Kinda sexist too.

Assume everyone is a loving idiot at all times. Makes things a lot simpler.

# ? Feb 23, 2014 00:51

Greg Brock: Feb 28, 2008

https://twitter.com/THNKenCampbell/status/437332599082872832

# ? Feb 23, 2014 02:12

hunnert car pileup: Oct 28, 2007; the first world was a mistake

The "No I meant to say this read the column" and ensuing slapfight with Greg Wyshynski are pretty great.

hunnert car pileup fucked around with this message at 02:42 on Feb 23, 2014

# ? Feb 23, 2014 02:38

The broken bones: Jan 3, 2008; Out beyond winning and losing, there is a field.

I will meet you there.

JT_Dutch posted:

https://twitter.com/THNKenCampbell/status/437332599082872832

Dude just trolled the poo poo out of American hockey fans in one fell swoop better than @twolinepass has ever done to Canadians.

Too bad he didn't just stay off the internet for a while

# ? Feb 23, 2014 02:53

Hand Knit: Oct 24, 2005; Beer Loses more than a game Sunday ...
We lost our Captain, our Teammate, our Friend Kelly Calabro...
Rest in Peace my friend you will be greatly missed..

The broken bones posted:

Dude just trolled the poo poo out of American hockey fans in one fell swoop better than @twolinepass has ever done to Canadians.

Too bad he didn't just stay off the internet for a while

Given what Ken Campbell usually posts, it is usually safe to guess that he's not trolling but actually sincerely very stupid.

# ? Feb 24, 2014 15:46

morestuff: Aug 2, 2008; You can't stop what's coming

It's kind of cheap pointing out certain blogs are awful but hey this is awful:

quote:

While this recent movement is a thumbs up for tolerance, the way the media has shamed people into having to act like being gay is something everyone proudly embraces has reverse discriminatory effects on heterosexual players. If you didn't clap for Jason Collins on Sunday night as he made his debut with the Nets as the first "openly gay NBA player," then something is obviously wrong with you morally right? But noone is beefing about that 10-day contract with the Nets, which seems like more of a symbolic gesture than a necessary personnel move. A way for Brooklyn to steal the headlines and get credit for being the "first" at something. How the tides have turned.

Collins is actually playing in the NBA today because he is gay and possibly taking jobs away from heterosexual males who may be fringe players but don't have that extra "gay" trait which elevates normal men to icons now.

morestuff fucked around with this message at 21:32 on Feb 24, 2014

# ? Feb 24, 2014 21:28

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

The 2nd most offensive thing to me is using "who's" instead of "whose"

# ? Feb 24, 2014 21:40

soggybagel: Aug 6, 2006; The official account of NFL Tackle Phil Loadholt.

Let's talk Football.

Kobe adds being homosexual to his legacy.

# ? Feb 24, 2014 21:57

The broken bones: Jan 3, 2008; Out beyond winning and losing, there is a field.

I will meet you there.

Hand Knit posted:

Given what Ken Campbell usually posts, it is usually safe to guess that he's not trolling but actually sincerely very stupid.

It doesn't matter to me if he means it or not, I haven't seen that many Americans pissed about a hockey article ... ever. It hit just the right notes at a fever pitch of American interest in hockey.

DJExile posted:

The 2nd most offensive thing to me is using "who's" instead of "whose"

"noone"

# ? Feb 24, 2014 21:59

RalphTheWonderLlama: Jan 23, 2006; Baseball is serious business.

gonna go blow some guys so I can be an icon now.

# ? Feb 25, 2014 02:16

KYOON GRIFFEY JR: Apr 12, 2010; Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

Won't someone thing of the cis hetero males? :qq:

# ? Feb 25, 2014 16:37

Thaddius the Large: Jul 5, 2006; It's in the five-hole!

I think a secret meeting of gay people plotting the overthrow of straight society is actually pretty hilarious and awesome and have no problem with it.

# ? Feb 25, 2014 21:34

the talent deficit: Dec 20, 2003; self-deprecation is a very british trait, and problems can arise when the british attempt to do so with a foreign culture

i know this is for like bad and crazy poo poo, but this is the funniest thing i have ever read about sports (in a good way):

http://grantland.com/the-triangle/the-new-york-knicks-its-the-hope-that-kills-you-in-the-end/

# ? Mar 4, 2014 07:47

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Colin Kaepernick, 49ers QB, has made it known that when his rookie contract is up, he wants a contract in line with his peers.

Noted crotchety old man/Kaepernick disbeliever Lowell Cohn made his disturbance with this fact known:

http://www.pressdemocrat.com/article/20140303/sports/140309883#page=0

quote:

Colin Kaepernick is not an attractive personality. Usually he doesn�t say jack. And that�s not attractive. When he says jack � and more � he�s even less attractive.

Take what the Boston Globe is reporting about Kaepernick. He wants a contract extension from the 49ers. He wants a big-money contract extension. He wants Jay Cutler money. He wants Tony Romo money. He wants more than those guys get.

FYI, Cutler signed for $18.1 a year, $38 million guaranteed. Romo signed for $18 million a year, $40 million guaranteed.

If Kaepernick doesn�t get that kind of dough, he says he�ll go back to kindergarten and knock over his blocks and hold his breath until he turns blue. Check that. I got carried away.

He actually said, according to the Globe, he�ll play out the final year of his contract, base salary just south of one mil, and negotiate after next season instead of settling for what he considers a contract unworthy of his eminence.

Someone should slap a Boston cream pie in Kaepernick�s smug face.

Why?

Start with this. During Super Bowl Week, he made the rounds of radio talk shows in New York. It talks! He went on with Murph and Mac and, in a sensitive, reasonable voice, said he�s not looking to break the bank in his next contract. What a guy. He�d accept a reasonable contract, not a whopper, so the 49ers can have enough money to sign key players like Donte Whitner and keep the team together. Kaepernick wanted everyone to see him as the ultimate team player.

Now this. It�s like he�s saying, �To hell with the team. I want mine.�

There are words to describe his position starting with �hypocrite� and ending with �phony.� You can fill in words in between.

There�s more. Kaepernick has started 23 regular-season games. That�s not even two seasons� worth of games. In his 23 starts he has done some things well. He also has created two iconic images in the minds of 49ers fans. Those images would be flopping at the end of the Super Bowl against the Ravens on useless, repetitive, unimaginative passes to Michael Crabtree. And then flopping yet again in last season�s NFC championship game, throwing the same useless, repetitive, unimaginative pass to Crabtree.

For those passes, for freezing under pressure, for not seeing the entire field, for all that and more, Kaepernick does not rate top money. Let the Bears and Cowboys make desperate, silly moves. Let them throw away money. None of that is our concern.

Our concern is Kaepernick. Our wisdom tells us the Niners should pay for what a player actually did in real life, in the hurly-burly of action on the field with the stakes high and everything depending on his wits and his arm. The Niners should not pay for what a twice-failed quarterback might do, could possibly do some day in a vague future that may never happen.

And make no mistake, Kaepernick has failed twice. Jim Harbaugh dumped Alex Smith � there�s no polite way to put it � after Smith got injured, an unusual move, and made his guy, Kaepermick, the quarterback expressly to win a Super Bowl. That was the logic and that was the goal.

Smith already proved he could lose in the NFC championship game. Harbaugh wanted someone to do better. He wanted someone to win the championship game and win the Super Bowl. Well, Kaepernick won and lost the championship game. He also lost the Super Bowl in horrible ways.

The Niners gave the team to Kaepernick to win the Super Bowl. Not to lose the Super Bowl. They expected him to deliver. He did not. Toward the end of last season, Harbaugh and Greg Roman made noises that Kaepernick is young and still learning. Weak. They didn�t put him in to learn. They put him in to win.

And he should have won. Kaepernick is the quarterback of the NFL�s most talented roster. Neither Kaepernick nor Harbaugh has won the Super Bowl with those players. Other quarterbacks would have won. Other head coaches would have won. Not these guys.

If the 49ers give Kaepernick the money the Globe says he wants, that will sink the whole franchise. For a quarterback who�s still learning? Imagine what Billy Beane would do in a parallel situation. He�d get a new quarterback.

Here�s what the 49ers should do. They should remind Kaepernick and his agent that Kaepernick has a contract. A valid, binding contract. Written on paper. A document he signed in sound mind. They should hold him to that contract. See how he plays next season. See if he improves in the red zone. See if he sees the entire field. See if he wins the Super Bowl.

Stuff like that.

If he wins the Super Bowl, sure, give him Cutler money. If not, well things will get real interesting. But, please, make his contract performance-based, not extortion based.

Because there is a certain amount of extortion involved in his negotiations and Harbaugh�s negotiations. It�s like they own the franchise. It�s like they are holding it up, like without them the Niners will revert to being complete failures.

They certainly are showing a lack of respect for Jed York and his business acumen and guts.

I hope York asserts himself, lets Kaepernick and Harbaugh know he runs the team and these are the 49ers, for God�s sake, and they are bigger than two guys, no matter who those guys are. And the Niners will pay on their terms, run the team on their terms.

Advice to Jed York: If Kaepernick persists in his unrealistic, impertinent, rude demands, give him jack.

Oh, Lowell, don't change :allears:

For the record, by his measure, Kaepernick has already achieved more than Jay Cutler & Tony Romo.

Also Kaepernick is playing out his contract & is negotiating an extension, which according to Cohn, is apparently him not playing out his contract.

# ? Mar 5, 2014 08:22

Truther Vandross: Jun 17, 2008

that is a stupid column but :laffo:

at Kaepernick's current expectations

# ? Mar 5, 2014 14:34

ElwoodCuse: Jan 11, 2004; we're puttin' the band back together

Has a football writer ever pulled the "play out the contract" card when a guy on the decline gets cut from his big money deal he got when he was good?

# ? Mar 5, 2014 15:06

Muddy Burphy: Dec 4, 2010; The #RXT REVOLUTION has two words for ya..
SCOOP IT!

he knows...

Give him Jay Cutler money only if he does something Jay Cutler hasn't done. Got it.

# ? Mar 5, 2014 16:33

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# ? Apr 20, 2024 04:25

poly and open-minded: Nov 22, 2006; In BOD we trust

sportsgenius86 posted:

that is a stupid column but at Kaepernick's current expectations

It's actually not too amazing an expectations. I'm not sure he deserves as much but it's not insane to ask to be paid about as much as Romo and 6 mil more than Schaub

# ? Mar 7, 2014 01:27

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Sports Journalism Tumblr: A Black self-insert character called Jabaal Abdul-Simmons

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