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Inudeku
Jul 13, 2008

sheri posted:

http://powerofmoms.com/2012/05/joy-or-just-wait/

Read this! Yeah not sleeping sucks (in my 8th month of it!) and this article is so great for new moms or moms to be.

That was a pretty great read.

There must be some stigmata or something for a man to be excited for his child too. Whenever I mention how I can't wait for my adorable baby boy to be born I get weird rear end looks.

I don't care about gender roles, I'm going to play ALL the games. And I'm probably going to cry when he's born too. :colbert:

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Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009
I actually think it's better when people acknowledge that babies/kids aren't all sunshine and joy, and that your life is going to change significantly. Being able to leave the house alone for a couple of hours and just sit in a cafe and read is blissful luxury to me now, and while I thought a lot about how wonderful having a baby was going to be, I didn't give a lot of thought to how much of me I'd have to set aside for the first part of her life.

Counselor Sugarbutt
Feb 8, 2010

Inudeku posted:

I absolutely love when people give their 2 cents! A girl at work told me "you know you're going to have no sleep or free time for years right? Hope you're ready to change poop diapers and be terrified every waking moment"

Not a single person has said how amazing or happy babies make them.

Yeah, I was expecting no sleep or free time after having a baby from what people had told me. I was pleasantly surprised when I found out that I did have time to sleep and some time to myself. Also, I was stoked to find out that I love my daughter so much that the change in my life was worth it. Being a parent is amazing!

Anya
Nov 3, 2004
"If you have information worth hearing, then I am grateful for it. If you're gonna crack jokes, then I'm gonna pull out your ribcage and wear it as a hat."
I expected a lot of change and wasn't super surprised. Didn't think I would have a kid who would never let me out him down, but I am going to miss that when I go back to work. Diapers are overrated as a thing to me. I just miss an hour or two when nothing is attached to me.
What I didn't expect were the amount of women who basically threatened me with a horrible, long, painful labor and who seemed upset that I wasn't unhappy or super uncomfortable all the way to the end. That pretty much pissed me off.

Oh, and kiddo is six weeks this week! Broke into the 10 pound category and got shots yesterday. Very proud, especially since we had such a long time with getting him back to birth weight (4wks).

PapFinn
Jul 15, 2003

I am Ron Pearlman's illigitimate love child.
My wife just delivered our baby girl 2.5 weeks ago via emergency c-section. It was pretty scary for me at the time, but everything turned out ok and the baby is doing fine and my wife is healing well. She has some baby blues but they seem to be easing and not developing into any kind of post-partum depression which is a relief.

The baby started getting pretty snotty and blocked up yesterday and being on her back for diaper changes and sleeping seemed to disrupt her breathing a bit. We left her in the bathroom during showers and tried to elevate her for sleep, but it worked out better to put her in the car seat last night. Is there any reason why not to use this as a temporary solution if her breathing is better that way?

Also, are there any goon parent tips for humidifiers? I was going to check out Walmart after work today after doing a little research last night. I'm not sure what they'll have in stock, but it didn't seem like a buying decision to stress over beside choosing a filtered or non-filtered model.

jota23
Nov 18, 2010

"I don't think..."
"Then you shouldn't talk," said the Hatter."

PapFinn posted:

My wife just delivered our baby girl 2.5 weeks ago via emergency c-section. It was pretty scary for me at the time, but everything turned out ok and the baby is doing fine and my wife is healing well. She has some baby blues but they seem to be easing and not developing into any kind of post-partum depression which is a relief.

The baby started getting pretty snotty and blocked up yesterday and being on her back for diaper changes and sleeping seemed to disrupt her breathing a bit. We left her in the bathroom during showers and tried to elevate her for sleep, but it worked out better to put her in the car seat last night. Is there any reason why not to use this as a temporary solution if her breathing is better that way?

Also, are there any goon parent tips for humidifiers? I was going to check out Walmart after work today after doing a little research last night. I'm not sure what they'll have in stock, but it didn't seem like a buying decision to stress over beside choosing a filtered or non-filtered model.

Congratulations on the new baby!

Regarding humidifiers, find one that is rated for the size of the room. They tend to have some sort of square footage range listed on the box. Too little square footage coverage, and you won't get the benefits. Too (overly) large a unit for the room and it'll get super muggy. Find something that's pretty close and you'll be good.

Amykinz
May 6, 2007

PapFinn posted:

Also, are there any goon parent tips for humidifiers? I was going to check out Walmart after work today after doing a little research last night. I'm not sure what they'll have in stock, but it didn't seem like a buying decision to stress over beside choosing a filtered or non-filtered model.

We have both a "hot steam" and an ultrasonic cool mist humidifier and it does make a bit of a difference on how the room feels and care for the humidifier itself is different depending on the type.

The hot steam one makes our room a little bit warmer, it isn't very noisy but the noise isn't exactly constant white noise, and there is very little care for the humidifier because it boils all the poo poo out of the water while it works. Just fill it up and dump out the old water every once in a while. A MAJOR con for the hot steam type is that they are hot. duh. I 'tested' the steam about a foot out from the nozzle and it was hot as poo poo. It could easily burn the crap out of a child, so if you're planning to use this in your daughter's room when she's older, you'll need to find a good high up sturdy place for it.

The ultrasonic one wasn't much more expensive (like $19 for the hot one and $25 for the cool one), it makes our daughter's room cooler. This one requires more care. You need to rinse it weekly and clean it with bleach at least monthly so it doesn't spray mildew water all over the room. If you have hard water it can leave sticky mineral dust all over all your stuff. But, and this is what sold us on it, it is cool. You can stick your hand right in it and it won't burn the kid. It is 'noisy', but it is a constant high drone hiss noise, and our kid didn't have an issue adjusting to it.

Both seemed to help out equally when our daughter was super congested and waking up all the time to cough.

jota23
Nov 18, 2010

"I don't think..."
"Then you shouldn't talk," said the Hatter."
Marlie was born at 7:27pm on Feb 11,2014. She weighed 7lbs 14oz and measured 19 inches long. She was born via successful VBAC after 5.5 hours of labor, without a single tear!

Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009
D'awww, lookit that bow :3:

orinth
Apr 15, 2003

NFC WEST IS THE BEST

kaishek posted:

That is great advice, and I really appreciate it! Wife was shocked reading that while breastfeeding two the recommended calorie intake for mom is 4,000 calories! Fortunately if there's one thing I have experience in it is eating a lot. :btroll:

Pendragon posted:

I didn't know that, and I think I'll hold off on telling my wife that. She has enough trouble trying to eat enough calories with a stomach made smaller by two babies.


If either of your twins are born early, you will most likely have to do some supplementation with formula such as Similac Neosure. It has a few extra calories per ounce over regular formula and is used to get them up to weight. My wife didn't breastfeed (only pumped) as we were mixing the formula with the breastmilk.

If either of you have any multiples related questions, I can try and answer them. We have 18 month old triplets that were born at 29 weeks 5 days and had a ~6 week NICU stay.

skeetied
Mar 10, 2011

orinth posted:

If either of your twins are born early, you will most likely have to do some supplementation with formula such as Similac Neosure. It has a few extra calories per ounce over regular formula and is used to get them up to weight. My wife didn't breastfeed (only pumped) as we were mixing the formula with the breastmilk.

If either of you have any multiples related questions, I can try and answer them. We have 18 month old triplets that were born at 29 weeks 5 days and had a ~6 week NICU stay.

If your insurance will cover it, ask for Prolacta Bioscience's human milk fortifier instead of using formula. It's made from breast milk, which makes it a lot easier for a preemie to digest (and helps prevent necrotizing enterocolitis).

Hufflepuff or bust!
Jan 28, 2005

I should have known better.

orinth posted:

If either of you have any multiples related questions, I can try and answer them. We have 18 month old triplets that were born at 29 weeks 5 days and had a ~6 week NICU stay.

Thanks! Yeah we are at 10 weeks now and I can't stop thinking about something a book we had that said that multiples are basically guaranteed to come early...just a question of how early. It tries to get you ready for the fact that NICU stay is pretty likely.

orinth
Apr 15, 2003

NFC WEST IS THE BEST

kaishek posted:

Thanks! Yeah we are at 10 weeks now and I can't stop thinking about something a book we had that said that multiples are basically guaranteed to come early...just a question of how early. It tries to get you ready for the fact that NICU stay is pretty likely.

The odds are that they will be in the NICU for at least a little bit although it's definitely possible to skip it. We know another triplet family in the area and she made it to 37 weeks and went home with all three without going to the NICU.

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

How true is it with multiples that labor sort of starts when the babies hit a certain combined weight and the mother's body decides its time for them to get out?

Pendragon
Jun 18, 2003

HE'S WATCHING YOU

kaishek posted:

Thanks! Yeah we are at 10 weeks now and I can't stop thinking about something a book we had that said that multiples are basically guaranteed to come early...just a question of how early. It tries to get you ready for the fact that NICU stay is pretty likely.

Full term for twins is 37-38 weeks. However, according to Wikipedia, a little over half of twins are born premature, which is anything before 37 weeks. I remember reading that most are delivered around 35 to 36 weeks, but can't find a link.

As for how early, be aware of the possibility, but just take it as it comes. For reference, my wife was 1 cm dilated at almost 25 weeks, and was put on hospitalized bedrest to try to keep the kids in as long as possible. Most doctors thought she would give birth before 30 weeks. During that time, I was reading as much as I can on premature birth, finding out the odds for survival and disability as each week passed. It was simultaneously scary and reassuring. It's amazing to see what they can do with modern technology now-a-days.

Just made it to 34 weeks today, and still going strong. :hellyeah: Wife's still on mostly bedrest, but she's at home now, which is a lot easier than being at the hospital.

Alterian posted:

How true is it with multiples that labor sort of starts when the babies hit a certain combined weight and the mother's body decides its time for them to get out?

I've heard that the uterus can only hold around 12 pounds total, but I'm not sure how much influence that has on when labor starts. It definitely restricts the growth of multiples at least (few are born larger than 5-6 pounds). However, there are stories of normal-sized women giving birth to 8 pound twins, so it's not a hard and fast limit. There's probably a million things that can affect when labor starts, and size is probably one of them, but not the only one.

Pendragon fucked around with this message at 20:04 on Feb 13, 2014

orinth
Apr 15, 2003

NFC WEST IS THE BEST

Pendragon posted:

Full term for twins is 37-38 weeks. However, according to Wikipedia, a little over half of twins are born premature, which is anything before 37 weeks. I remember reading that most are delivered around 35 to 36 weeks, but can't find a link.

As for how early, be aware of the possibility, but just take it as it comes. For reference, my wife was 1 cm dilated at almost 25 weeks, and was put on hospitalized bedrest to try to keep the kids in as long as possible. Most doctors thought she would give birth before 30 weeks. During that time, I was reading as much as I can on premature birth, finding out the odds for survival and disability as each week passed. It was simultaneously scary and reassuring. It's amazing to see what they can do with modern technology now-a-days.

Just made it to 34 weeks today, and still going strong. :hellyeah: Wife's still on mostly bedrest, but she's at home now, which is a lot easier than being at the hospital.


I've heard that the uterus can only hold around 12 pounds total, but I'm not sure how much influence that has on when labor starts. It definitely restricts the growth of multiples at least (few are born larger than 5-6 pounds). However, there are stories of normal-sized women giving birth to 8 pound twins, so it's not a hard and fast limit. There's probably a million things that can affect when labor starts, and size is probably one of them, but not the only one.

35 to 36 weeks sounds right for twins, I think it's 32 to 33 for triplets.

My wife had pre-term labor at 20 weeks and was dialated (not sure how much) and had to have a cerclage put in. She went in again for pre-term labor at 24 weeks and was put on bed rest at home. At 26 weeks during a checkup, her blood pressure was very high so they admitted her and put her on bed rest in the hospital until she gave birth.

She ended up giving birth at 29 weeks 5 days due to my daughter being in distress. It's crazy how fast they go from deciding to do the C section to being in the operating room. We have a girl and two boys born 3 lbs, 3 lbs 2 oz and 1 lb 14 oz.

Congrats on making it to 34 weeks! Every day that they're still in there is so good for them.

Pendragon
Jun 18, 2003

HE'S WATCHING YOU

orinth posted:

My wife had pre-term labor at 20 weeks and was dialated (not sure how much) and had to have a cerclage put in. She went in again for pre-term labor at 24 weeks and was put on bed rest at home. At 26 weeks during a checkup, her blood pressure was very high so they admitted her and put her on bed rest in the hospital until she gave birth.

She ended up giving birth at 29 weeks 5 days due to my daughter being in distress. It's crazy how fast they go from deciding to do the C section to being in the operating room. We have a girl and two boys born 3 lbs, 3 lbs 2 oz and 1 lb 14 oz.

20 weeks was your first scare? Man, I thought it was scary thinking we were in labor at 25 weeks, but we were at least past viability. I don't want to think about 20. Glad to hear your kids made it out okay.

Inudeku
Jul 13, 2008
Went to our appointment today and the words "8 weeks to go! Single digits now" smacked me right in my face. It really does go quickly. I figured people just exaggerated.

amethystbliss
Jan 17, 2006

I'm just ~25 weeks along now and already am so uncomfortable I can hardly sleep at night. I have a belly wedge and a maternity pillow and still no luck. I'm starting to think the whole "second trimester is when you're glowing and carefree!" is a bunch of B.S. At least I can feel her kicking around now, which is really quite amazing!

Do any of you have any experience going back to school pretty shortly after giving birth? I applied to some graduate programs before I knew we were expecting, and I just got the news last week that I got into the top program in the country. I'm due at the end of May, and it starts in mid-June; they are looking into deferral options but it's not looking great. We'll have a decent amount of support--we've already purchased a postpartum doula package, my husband will have 10 weeks paternity leave, we have some non-crazy family flying out, and there are a decent number of mothers in the program who say the program has been very accommodating. But everyone keeps telling me I'm crazy to even consider it.

sheri
Dec 30, 2002

amethystbliss posted:

I'm just ~25 weeks along now and already am so uncomfortable I can hardly sleep at night. I have a belly wedge and a maternity pillow and still no luck. I'm starting to think the whole "second trimester is when you're glowing and carefree!" is a bunch of B.S. At least I can feel her kicking around now, which is really quite amazing!

Do any of you have any experience going back to school pretty shortly after giving birth? I applied to some graduate programs before I knew we were expecting, and I just got the news last week that I got into the top program in the country. I'm due at the end of May, and it starts in mid-June; they are looking into deferral options but it's not looking great. We'll have a decent amount of support--we've already purchased a postpartum doula package, my husband will have 10 weeks paternity leave, we have some non-crazy family flying out, and there are a decent number of mothers in the program who say the program has been very accommodating. But everyone keeps telling me I'm crazy to even consider it.

My opinion based on my experience is yeah it is crazy to consider it. If you are due end of May it could be June before you give birth and starting a grad program within two weeks or so? Ha. I was lucky if I got out of a robe at two weeks post partum and my husband was off for six weeks and I had a lot of people dropping off meals and otherwise helping out.

GoreJess
Aug 4, 2004

pretty in pink
What happens if you go past your due date & only have a week or less to recover? Everyone is different, but childbirth is tough on your body & those first few weeks are a blur of sleepless nights & endless feeds. If this is really demanding coursework you probably won't be up for it. Your mind is not going to be working at 100%.

skeetied
Mar 10, 2011
I went back to school after six weeks and even that was a stretch (and I was doing the absolute bare minimum that whole quarter and didn't have to take any classes). I wouldn't do it.

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

I was taking some classes at the community college to bulk up my resume and had my baby a couple weeks before finals. I finished all my work and still got A's, but that last week of class sucked rear end. You're really not suppose to drive for a few weeks and I still did anyway and it was really wearing. I only had to take 2 more classes the next semester to finish the certificate and they were both on-line, but it was still really rough. My husband was in grad school at the time, but his was all on-line. Its doable, but its ROUGH.

orinth
Apr 15, 2003

NFC WEST IS THE BEST

Pendragon posted:

20 weeks was your first scare? Man, I thought it was scary thinking we were in labor at 25 weeks, but we were at least past viability. I don't want to think about 20. Glad to hear your kids made it out okay.

Yeah it was a bit crazy. Especially when the NICU docs came in and talked to us about viability and what not. We were really freaked out about my wife getting a cerclage since there is a very small chance that we could have lost one of the kids, but everything went well.

amethystbliss
Jan 17, 2006

Thanks for the honest input. The only way I'd consider it is if they let me do a reduced workload over the summer and/or assure me that I could take time off if I do have any complications. It's an intensive masters program, but I already have a masters in a similar field so I've been told I may be able to skip out of a few summer intro classes. I've also been accepted to universities that start in the fall, but somehow starting in June seems a lot less daunting than moving the whole family across the country.

amethystbliss fucked around with this message at 07:53 on Feb 17, 2014

Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009

GoreJess posted:

What happens if you go past your due date & only have a week or less to recover? Everyone is different, but childbirth is tough on your body & those first few weeks are a blur of sleepless nights & endless feeds. If this is really demanding coursework you probably won't be up for it. Your mind is not going to be working at 100%.

This. Two weeks post partum you're more likely than not going to be a weepy, sweaty, leaky, bleeding, hormonal sleepdeprived mess with achy boobs and sore nipples because your baby will be hanging off of them for 30 minutes every 2-3 hours 24/7.

sheri
Dec 30, 2002

And probably still bleeding quite a bit.

Ceridwen
Dec 11, 2004
Of course... If the Jell-O gets moldy, the whole thing should be set aflame.

I'm a PhD student and started back going to campus when my baby was a month old and honestly would have been perfectly happy to start back ~a week sooner. But not with a full load and not at 2 weeks postpartum. Baby was born May 2nd and I started going back at the start of June for about 15 hours of time on campus each week. Then worked up to being back to more or less full time by the end of August when fall semester started.

We also moved (cross-town) when the baby was 2 weeks old. Honestly, I'd move cross country a couple of months after the baby came long before I'd opt to do an intensive graduate program starting 2 weeks postpartum. Moving is no fun (I've done cross country moves twice recently and we move cross-town almost every year it seems like) but the only thing that made it possible to go back to school as early as I did without being miserable was that I didn't have summer coursework, just research related stuff I was working on, so I could be very flexible about when I went in. I was also very lucky and had a very easy recovery, no PPD, no issues with the hormonal adjustment, and no breastfeeding problems. Having had any complications would have made it a lot tougher to go back.

spoonfulofwhoopass
Feb 11, 2010
Hi y'all. I'm back in the thread after leaving it rather abruptly. It's been a crazy few months. I need some advice this time around.

I miscarried my previous pregnancy in November but it was not caught until December (baby stopped around 10 weeks and I was supposed to be at 15 weeks when it was caught), at which point I was septic and suffering from a deep-seated infection in my spine. I had a d&c a week before Christmas and recovered perfectly well.

On Valentine's Day I got a positive pregnancy test. I am now five weeks along and keeping safe and healthy as best as I can. Is there anyone else who has had a previous miscarriage and then gotten pregnant so quickly? I was actually really okay with miscarrying my first as it was a surprise and if this one doesn't stick I'll be sad but I'll be okay again. Is there anything I should be doing given the previous miscarriage? I feel infinitely better this time around, much healthier, and much happier than before. I'm of course ravenously thirsty and peeing all the time, and on super furnace heat mode all night long which keeps me awake. All of which is normal, I know.

Is there any kind of precaution I can take? I know it's early and so I don't feel much nausea yet (though my mom was not nauseous with her first pregnancy), and I know there is no guarantee that any pregnancy will stick. Anything you guys can tell me would be great. Thank you!

sheri
Dec 30, 2002

I had a miscarriage and got pregnant the next cycle. I now have a just over 8 month old son. I was SO WORRIED the whole pregnancy with him, and I know it is hard, but just try to relax.

I was not nauseous at all with him, or really had any pregnancy symptoms whatsoever. The first I actually felt like I was pregnant was when I could finally feel him moving around. No nausea, no throwing up, no tiredness, no sore boobs, not on of the classic pregnancy symptoms.

Edit: I did the 12 week NT scan in part because I wanted to know more about the risk of down's syndrome and in part because I really wanted to see the baby moving around in there before the 20 week ultrasound.

sheri fucked around with this message at 03:50 on Feb 25, 2014

silicone thrills
Jan 9, 2008

I paint things
Apparently it's a good thing to get pregnant again right after miscarriage.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/08/05/miscarriage.try.again.asap/

"Women who conceive within six months of a miscarriage instead of waiting up to a year reduce their risk of another miscarriage by one-third, and they also increase their chances of a healthy and successful pregnancy, according to the study, which appears in the journal BMJ."

Be happy!

jota23
Nov 18, 2010

"I don't think..."
"Then you shouldn't talk," said the Hatter."
I, too, miscarried and got pregnant the next cycle. Tomorrow my daughter is two weeks old. Having a miscarriage does not increase your chances of having another miscarriage.

spoonfulofwhoopass
Feb 11, 2010
Oof, bless you guys. Thank you so much for your kind words. I feel much better. Congratulations on your healthy babies, it makes me look forward to holding my own come Halloween this year! :3:

New Weave Wendy
Mar 11, 2007
I was a nervous wreck for basically my whole first trimester. I didn't have a lot of pregnancy symptoms and the symptoms I did have were some mild cramping and spotting, so I was convinced something was going to go wrong at any minute. It was a mixture of being slightly anxiety-prone to begin with, some recent miscarriages in my family, and having just quit my job before finding out I was pregnant (that also meant I had a lot of time on my hands to torture myself with googling). After the 12 week scan we announced it on Facebook and I sort of realized I had spent the first third of my pregnancy worried, and if I didn't try to stop the anxious worrying now, I could feasibly find something to worry about every day of my kid's life, so I tried hard to just put it aside and enjoy being pregnant.

A healthy fetus is going to grow pretty much regardless of anything you do. Likewise, the majority of things responsible for early miscarriage are completely out of your control. For me, it definitely helped to focus on what was in my control - taking my vitamins, going to my doctor's appointments, and avoiding alcohol and other stuff that wasn't safe to ingest. The rest I had little control over, so I tried not to stress over it.

hookerbot 5000
Dec 21, 2009
I got pregnant the cycle after a miscarriage and everything was fine. Well my waters broke at 32 weeks and I had to spend 2 weeks in hospital before going into labour but I think that was just bad luck rather than anything I had done and certainly nothing to do with the miscarriage. Weirdly though it meant that Ellie was born in the week that I would have been due if I hadn't miscarried.

I found that it made me a bit more detached from the pregnancy. When we went for the 20 week scan I still didn't feel pregnant at all even though I was showing and could feel her move and was amazed that the time had passed so quickly as usually I find being pregnant a huge drag.

APOLLO OHNO-UDIDNT
Jul 22, 2005

you can prob fix that with a little duct tape and a paper clip

*is MacGyver irl*
This thread really helped me, especially with general tips and product recommendations for after baby was born. I want to pass on a similar list of my personal favorite items:

Chicco keyfit 30 car seat and a Chicco lite way plus stroller- love both of these, much prefer the lite way plus stroller over the cortina
Fischer Price Rainforest Gym - my son is completely engaged by this, I think it looks tacky but I can't argue with a baby who's so happy he's squealing
Bravado Designs nursing bras - do buy these, they are awesome and I don't know what I'd do without them
The Wonder Weeks - a really great book, describes your child's development in a highly detailed way, very helpful
Aden and Anis blankets - are little muslin blankets really worth $10 each? Maybe not to some, but I use them every day and they are far better than the standard babiesrus blankets
Pack and Play on the go - bought this for when we travel to the in laws, ended up using it constantly as a secondary crib/play space in the living room

My tip is just one thing I wish I'd done differently. I wish I'd kept the tags on his clothing! Between the baby shower, relatives, and random people just giving us clothes, by the time our baby was born we had a closet full of newborn size clothing. My little guy grew out of newborn size well within two weeks. Now he's 9 weeks old and is starting to wear 6 month size clothing (omg), he's an unusually tall baby and was last measured at the 90th percentile. If I had kept tags on most of his clothes I could have saved tons of money by exchanging them for larger sizes, even the 3 month sizes. You may not have a tall baby, but if you are a first time mom I bet you'll be surprised how fast they grow.

Dori
Jan 14, 2005
Abducted by sheep
So I’ve been busy chugging my way through the last 100 pages or so of this thread and just wanted say a big thank you to everyone for sharing advice and stories. It’s been super helpful.

I’m 10 weeks pregnant (first time round) and doing pretty well so far but am still feeling a little daunted by all the sorting and planning that still needs to happen over the next months. But I’m sure it’ll work out somehow. I have been very lucky with extremely mild first trimester symptoms which has been nice.

I have a question re support during the actual birth. We are based in New Zealand and all things going well are planning a homebirth. We have engaged a midwife who specialises in home births and who is also supported by 2 further midwives in a homebirth practice (most pregnancies and births in NZ are supported by a midwife as your primary caregiver rather than a GP let alone an OB unless you have serious complications). The way they work is that you see your midwife throughout the pregnancy for all your appointments (which you get more of than usual and all of them at your home which is amazing!) and for the actual birth 2 of them come along to assist (your midwife + one of her colleagues). I’ve been reading books like “What to expect when you’re expecting” and “The birth partner” (both of which are great) and both discuss the advantages of having a support person who either provides professional birth support (like a doula) or has at least given birth before. We did have someone in mind but she’s managed to get herself knocked up again too and is now due the week after me so won’t be able to help out (would have been handy though as she’s both a mum and a doctor…oh well).

So the question is: is two midwives just for me plus my husband plenty of support?
The books really don’t very much discuss the types of situation where you have a dedicated midwife who only has you to look after – let alone two of them. I’ve also read a book on homebirths specifically prior to making the decision that that’s what we’d like but it also seems to assume that only one midwife attends the birth and strongly recommends additional birth and “housekeeping” support.

My partner and I are also keen for my sister in law to be there (she hasn't had kids), mostly to help with sorting out the house and food etc but she may not be able to get here in time as she’s a domestic flight away so it’ll be a matter of getting her onto a plane at the right time (from “go” to “get here” it’s probably about 5hrs as flights are rarely full so not impossible). Other than that I think I'd prefer to keep people running around the house to a minimum but at the same time I wouldn't want to feel like we really needed extra hands on deck.

skeetied
Mar 10, 2011
I think whether you want to hire a doula will significantly depend on when your midwives will arrive to care for you. If they won't come until active labor, you may want a doula who can support you in early labor until they get there. I assume the midwives have other patients beyond you, so I'm guessing there's a chance they may not be able to get there right away when you call, too.

Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009

Dori posted:

So the question is: is two midwives just for me plus my husband plenty of support?

In my experience: If you have a straight-forward uneventful birth, totally yes. I was more than happy with just my husband, and up untill things actually started happening, I didn't need the midwive for anything other than checkups to see how I was progressing, and changing the amazing warm compresses I had on the small of my back (so gooood). I know some people want their mum and their best friend and their sister there for support, but I really wanted it to be just my husband and I - this was us starting a family, and it felt like it should be a private thing between us. He let me squeeze his hands when I needed it, joked around with me, got me cold drinks and shouted words of encouragement once things really got under way, at which point the midwives did all the heavy lifting ;)

I didn't miss having someone with birth experience there (other than the midwives, obviously) at all. In fact it was pretty awesome being two rookies going through such an insane experience for the first time together.

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amethystbliss
Jan 17, 2006

Dori posted:

Birth support
I think it depends on you and your husband's communication style. I love my husband dearly, but if the previous months of pregnancy are any indication, I am certain he will be a deer in headlights and very overwhelmed when I am in labor. I go to a practice of two midwives and two OBs, but we've also decided to use a doula service my doctor recommended for an extra dose of emotional support in the months leading up to the birth and some physical comfort during labor itself.

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