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TNG
Jan 4, 2001

by Lowtax
As a fan of a team that hasn't been very good in a long time, I find that it's best to try and come up with some *realistic* goals that I'd like my team to reach in the coming season. As a Rams fan, I know that the playoffs are kind of a long shot(impossibility), especially since even the Cardinals seemed to have passed us in terms of "respectable football team" long ago. But either way I think having some manageable expectations will lead to an all around more enjoyable season.

1)Sam Bradford plays all 16 games

Sad to say, but Sam Bradford is the reason I became a Rams fan. I am a big Oklahoma fan, so I really wanted to see him do well in the Pros. That hasn't....exactly materialized but I've grown to enjoy other aspects of this dumb team. Either way, Bradford has missed significant time for one reason or another, and I think that one of the keys for considering this a good season is if he actually has a full goddamn season for once. Good or bad, just finish all 16 games you chipmunk bastard.

2)Splitting with the 49ers

I think the worse part of the last 5 years is the resurgence of the 49ers. They went from being an absolute embarrassment to playing for a NFC or NFL championship every season. The fact that the Rams have been wallowing in being terrible to mediocre in the same time frame really rubs it in. I enjoy seeing Harbaugh melt down as he, like Tantalus, draws close but can never drink, but I know the 49ers are probably going to finish much better than the Rams either way. That said, I would like at least one victory over them. Jeff Fisher can do it!...sorta.

3)Leading the NFL in sacks

One of the disappointing things about the 2013 season, other than loving 7-9 again, was that sacks were really down as a whole for the team. Robert Quinn really came on, but everyone else sort of slumped down to mediocrity. I think one of the few enjoyable parts about watching the Rams play week to week is the dominating performance of the D-Line. With the addition of Aaron Donald in the draft, as well as Quinn being in his prime, I really hope the defense gets back to 2012 levels of production.

So what are your bare minimum goals for a successful season for your team? Join me in resigning yourself to mediocrity, feeling like they tried their best, and thinking they looked really sharp in those uniforms.

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wheez the roux
Aug 2, 2004
THEY SHOULD'VE GIVEN IT TO LYNCH

Death to the Seahawks. Death to Seahawks posters.
repeat lombardi 2nd russell wilson sb ring hail satan

R.D. Mangles
Jan 10, 2004


Beat the loving packers.

McCown completely outplays Cutler, destroying the telecommunications equipment at angry Chicago mustache sausage radio headquarters.

hughesta
Jun 12, 2012

i know its super duper kooper
cool like up the bitches snitches
Sweep the loving Packers.
edit: holy poo poo

Blitz of 404 Error
Sep 19, 2007

Joe Biden is a top 15 president
Derek Carr doesn't play a snap unless its at the end of a blowout win
8 Wins. (Unlikely, but it is a goal)
DJ Hayden and Menelik Watson HAVE to contribute.

korrandark
Jan 5, 2009
Win a loving playoff game.

computer parts
Nov 18, 2010

PLEASE CLAP
Have a winning season. :toot:

(This can go to Lions or Browns)

Ehud
Sep 19, 2003

football.

I hope we go roughly .500 and miss the playoffs due to some close, flukey losses and poor coaching.

The Puppy Bowl
Jan 31, 2013

A dog, in the house.

*woof*
Super Bowl- Your team winning the Super Bowl is very fun and I highly recommend it to everybody.

Joe Flacco Throws for Over 4000 yards- It's never happened in his whole career likely due to Cam Cameron and terrible surrounding pieces but at this point it's just a little ridiculous. Ideally he could top 4500 in 2014 but 4000 is needed for me to not hate our lovely offense.

Marlon Brown becomes next Marques Colston- very similar playing style as Brown is a long guy that plays more like a slot receiver but can still be a solid red zone threat. Led the team in touchdowns as a rookie and I wouldn't be shocked if he did so again this year. It would be nice to have effective receivers on the Ravens as the one 4 week stretch that happened in the past 15 years we won a Super Bowl.

C.J. Mosely begins HoF Career- I'd like to see a Luke Kuechly or Bobby Wagner like rookie season because those would be the minimum requirements to keep his selection from being a lovely, stupid, no good, very bad pick.

Grittybeard
Mar 29, 2010

Bad, very bad!
Go .500 or better, which hasn't happened the season after any of the last 4 times KC went to the playoffs.

Just like, let me imagine it's a solid team for two years in a row.

a neat cape
Feb 22, 2007

Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!
1. Sweep the loving Raiders.

2. Split with the Broncos

3. Have a top half of the league defense

4. Rivers keeps the turnovers (INT + Fumbles) to under 13.

Blitz of 404 Error
Sep 19, 2007

Joe Biden is a top 15 president

ROSS MY SALAD posted:

1. Sweep the loving Raiders.

He said realistic goals

a neat cape
Feb 22, 2007

Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

Blitz7x posted:

He said realistic goals


Waroduce
Aug 5, 2008
I sincerely loving hope Ryan Tannehill learns2throw a deep ball with anything close to resembling consistent placement

swickles
Aug 21, 2006

I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know
I hope the combined futility of Gators and Dolphins football doesn't drive Ehud to suicide.

Real hurthling!
Sep 11, 2001




Waroduce posted:

I sincerely loving hope Ryan Tannehill learns2throw a deep ball with anything close to resembling consistent placement

I too hope tannehill throws more often but with opposite results.

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.
Have the Browns start looking for #22

Darth Brooks
Jan 15, 2005

I do not wear this mask to protect me. I wear it to protect you from me.

Vikings:

Cassel plays decently, Bridgewater learns. The potential to punish defenses that focus on Adrian Peterson gives him enough space to be effective. Yankey starts at guard mid way into the season. The defense improves as time goes on and the team becomes very difficult to beat. They get into the playoffs and win a couple. That happens and I'll be happy. Actually "The team improves as the season goes along" will be good enough. Oh, and Christian Ponder never takes a snap.

Coldforge
Oct 29, 2002

I knew it would be bad.
I didn't know it would be so stupid.
49ers new WR corps helps Kap take that next step; offense opens up.

Justin Smith and Frank Gore last one more season.

Super Bowl (win).

Cash Monet
Apr 5, 2009

RG3 doesn't get hurt and progresses in the new offense.

Stop laughing.

zimbomonkey
Jul 15, 2008

Tattoos? On MY black quarterback?
1) Kelvin Benjamin be good. Please be good.
2) Somehow win the division again. Not likely, but always possible. It would be cool to be the first team in the NFCS to repeat.

Kalli
Jun 2, 2001



Continue being the boot stomping on the face of the rest of the AFC East forever.

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Kalli posted:

Continue being the boot stomping on the face of the rest of the AFC East forever.

As long as you eat it in the post season you go right ahead

Ehud
Sep 19, 2003

football.

swickles posted:

I hope the combined futility of Gators and Dolphins football doesn't drive Ehud to suicide.

thanks bro :glomp:

Kalli posted:

Continue being the boot stomping on the face of the rest of the AFC East forever.

we're gonna sweep the pats this year and I'm going to drive by your house doing donuts in your lawn while I blast this song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-2RGFNyaGU

Burginator
Sep 10, 2007

Two ALL BEEF patties,
Special Sauce?
Let Us Cheese.

Darth Brooks posted:

Vikings:

Cassel plays decently, Bridgewater learns. The potential to punish defenses that focus on Adrian Peterson gives him enough space to be effective. Yankey starts at guard mid way into the season. The defense improves as time goes on and the team becomes very difficult to beat. They get into the playoffs and win a couple. That happens and I'll be happy. Actually "The team improves as the season goes along" will be good enough. Oh, and Christian Ponder never takes a snap.

The last bit is by far the most important. gently caress Christian Ponder. Amen.

Abugadu
Jul 12, 2004

1st Sgt. Matthews and the men have Procured for me a cummerbund from a traveling gypsy, who screeched Victory shall come at a Terrible price. i am Honored.
Packers: keep more than 75% of the starters off IR.

sweet thursday
Sep 16, 2012

Maximum chaos but Denver wins the Super Bowl

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Ehud posted:


we're gonna sweep the pats this year and I'm going to drive by your house doing donuts in your lawn while I blast this song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-2RGFNyaGU

that is a serious contender with the 76ers fight song for best sports anthem I have ever heard

sexpig by night
Sep 8, 2011

by Azathoth
Dear Texans:

Just....just stop loving up literally everything?

wheez the roux
Aug 2, 2004
THEY SHOULD'VE GIVEN IT TO LYNCH

Death to the Seahawks. Death to Seahawks posters.

sweet thursday posted:

Maximum chaos but Denver wins the Super Bowl

I respected you. I thought we were bros. smdh

ARCDad
Jul 22, 2007
Not to be confused with poptartin
Browns:
- Have more than 4 wins
- Split a series with the Steelers or Ravens (both ideally)
- Have the same starting QB stay the same for at least 8 games
- Don't have more than 2 starting QB's in the 2014 season

I fully realize that none of these may come true either, which is depressing

Sour Diesel
Jan 30, 2010

The Puppy Bowl posted:

Super Bowl- Your team winning the Super Bowl is very fun and I highly recommend it to everybody.

Joe Flacco Throws for Over 4000 yards- It's never happened in his whole career likely due to Cam Cameron and terrible surrounding pieces but at this point it's just a little ridiculous. Ideally he could top 4500 in 2014 but 4000 is needed for me to not hate our lovely offense.

He got close in 2012! :( He would've had it if he didn't sit week 17.

But yea pretty much the 4k yards thing is the only thing I'm hoping for. We have a real OC so he's got a shot!

The Puppy Bowl
Jan 31, 2013

A dog, in the house.

*woof*
If left in that game he probably would have thrown an extra 182 to land at 3,999 for the year. At this point I figure he throws under 4k for the next three years and then throws over 5,000 after that.

Raku
Nov 7, 2012

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Roll Tide
Suh kills Manziel in the very first play

Eifert Posting
Apr 1, 2007

Most of the time he catches it every time.
Grimey Drawer

Big Ol Marsh Pussy
Jan 7, 2007


this + andy dalton shatters all passing records

swickles
Aug 21, 2006

I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know

Raku posted:

Suh kills Manziel in the very first play

Sorry, that honor is going to Timmons since the Steelers play the Browns to open the season. There is a chance its Troy or Worlids too.

Dirtanium
Aug 3, 2007
For the Browns, 3 wins from the AFC North would be cool. Or, having the pick we got from Buffalo come before our own.

dirty shrimp money
Jan 8, 2001

The Texans don't draft first

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Lessail
Apr 1, 2011

:cry::cry:
tell me how vgk aren't playing like shit again
:cry::cry:
p.s. help my grapes are so sour!
Kaepernick No More: I don't want the team to face the 49ers, but if they do I want them to not give Kaep another personal best game. Or maybe I do so he gets paid. Hmmmmmmmmm

Good D: Since good defenses are all the rage nowadays, I would like the team to have one. That'd be cool I think.

Consistent Lacy: I would like it if Lacy doesn't regress too much!

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