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right to bear karma
Feb 20, 2001

There's a Dr. Fist here to see you.
I went nuts with lotions and vitamin E oil during my first pregnancy and didn't use anything during my second. I didn't get stretch marks during either so it doesn't appear that what I used really made a difference. Then again, I already had bad stretch marks due to some crazy weight gain several years back (thanks, steroids!) and gave birth a bit early both times, so I didn't get quite as big as I might have. It doesn't hurt to try to prevent them if you really want to, though. It's just not likely to do much if your genetics have already determined that you're going to get them.

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tuna melt
Mar 28, 2010
I am 37 weeks and so far have exactly one stretch mark (on the underside of my right boob). I also did nothing to prevent them other than regular lotion (which was more for itchy winter skin than stretch mark prevention). I don't think I have unusually stretchy skin or anything, I was normal-weight pre-pregnancy and had never been heavier before. So far I have gained 36 pounds.

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

I didn't see my stretch marks really untill after birth. They really reddened up then / couldn't see the very underneath of my belly that well.

BonoMan
Feb 20, 2002

Jade Ear Joe

Kluliss posted:

I think I have the most wonderful madwife. I'm not very far along yet but after a miscarriage, then really late ovulation (day 49, wth body?) and pregnant again, I talked to her today and got told everything sounded like it was perfectly normal and that she's got me an early scan for next Friday. I'll be 6w5d. Am clearly ridiculously hormonal because just knowing that she was competently sorting things like that out for me made me cry.

One of the issues though is spotting after any kind of exertion including my short walk to work, which worries me. My madwife didn't seem to feel that it's an issue but after last time I really don't want to take any chances. Has anyone else had spotting (light, no pain) in (very) early pregnancy and had everything be fine? Given everything that can go wrong in pregnancy I'm starting to be amazed that the human race actually exists...

We had some pretty strong bleeding the first three months that gave us a bunch of miscarriage scares. I mean the bleeding was heavy. Turns out that with pregnancy her cervical walls just got super vascularly sensitive and would bleed at the slightest amount of friction. It's sort of sorted itself out in the second trimester. Maybe that's what it is for you?

Bambina
Sep 25, 2007
I said no biting
I have just had my second girl, first was a natural birth no problems, this one was a sunroof as she turned breech while I was in labour. Yeah, ridiculous, the midwife was like 'um. What just happened?' Luckily the surgery went really well, she was already engaged of course so just kind of popped out bum first. The birth itself was a piece of cake compared to the pain of pushing, but the recovery is not. Not being able to pick up my toddler for cuddles is really poo poo. Oh well, not long to wait!

And I have not one stretch mark on me. But before you think I'm too lucky.... oh dear god the cellulite :gonk:

Kluliss
Mar 6, 2011

Cake, is it a drug, or is it simply a delicious chocolatey piece of heaven?
Thanks for all the positivity folks! It's made me much more confident that this time won't be a repeat of the miscarriage. I had very little spotting yesterday or today and even went for a run and got a pb, no spotting! The next four days need to go quickly, I really want to get the scan sorted.

No experience of my own but my sister got sheep liniment from the farmers market to combat boobular soreness... Doesn't smell great but really works and dirt cheap due to being for sheep, but it's the same stuff as you use which is specifically made to stop dry/cracked nipples and not smell. Doubt anything except genetics has much to do with stretch marks though, sadly. I'm hoping being a little podgy somehow magically makes skin stretchier or something...

Also is it normal to find sitting at a desk/in a stiff chair quite uncomfortable even so early on? Cos work today was crap, just couldn't get comfy at all.

Kluliss fucked around with this message at 19:23 on May 19, 2014

Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009

Kluliss posted:

Also is it normal to find sitting at a desk/in a stiff chair quite uncomfortable even so early on? Cos work today was crap, just couldn't get comfy at all.

The hormones that make it so your pelvis and such can stretch and move to accomodate baby, start showing up early on, so you can get weird-rear end aches and pains in joints and ligaments from ridiculously early on. My first proper pregnancy symptom was, honest to God, shoulder pain.

But for me it passed after a couple of months, and I had a great second trimester, and then all the aches and pains returned for the third trimester, I'm guessing because of the added strain.

Ambellina
Dec 6, 2005

Those who ride against us will be murdered where they stand
Got our first positive test a week ago, so I'm right around 5 weeks. So far the only symptoms I've got is very mild nausea and a super human sense of smell. Hopefully, that's as bad as it gets.

Inudeku
Jul 13, 2008

Ambellina posted:

Got our first positive test a week ago, so I'm right around 5 weeks. So far the only symptoms I've got is very mild nausea and a super human sense of smell. Hopefully, that's as bad as it gets.

I'm so sorry youre gunna be pregnant in summer :-(

lol internet.
Sep 4, 2007
the internet makes you stupid
Just curious, are health benefits given at the beginning of employment (even during probation) in the US?

Or do you need to wait out the probation period, before given health benefits? Wife might start working soon, but she would be in probation and she's like 4 weeks pregnant.

(Not an American goon)

silicone thrills
Jan 9, 2008

I paint things
Depends. Some jobs/insurance companies have a 90/60/30day waiting period. Some start immediately. Some have zero benefits and you'll have to find insurance via the exchange websites.

Free market bitches. NO RULES!

(gently caress I hate our 3rd world healthcare system)

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

Is the pre existing conditions not being covered by insurance over with yet? At least in the past if you got pregnant and got insurance after you found out you were pregnant it would be a pre existing condition and they wouldn't cover it!

Amykinz
May 6, 2007
According to HealthCare.gov, insurance can no longer refuse to cover pre-existing conditions in any way. We had that problem with my first pregnancy, if we could have afforded my husband's work's insurance it wouldn't have covered the pregnancy in any way because I was 5 months pregnant when it kicked in. (turns out it didn't cover maternity care ANYWAYS, but that whole situation was hosed)

lol internet.
Sep 4, 2007
the internet makes you stupid
Need to start seriously considering the options. Essentially my wife got an interview for a fairly large company. We're currently out of the US, so she's going to be flying back to get the interview. I'm just wondering what our options are, obviously my benefits don't extend into a foreign country so she won't be covered through me.

What is the "standard" coverage by most companies? and how much do you pay each month? It seems like a lot, even under a companies benefit?

Also, what are the chances of them making up some excuse to fire her when they find out she's pregnant?

edit: Amykinz, so how much did you end up paying out of your pocket? Or how did your situation turn out?

lol internet. fucked around with this message at 02:34 on May 23, 2014

sheri
Dec 30, 2002

It really depends based on the policies available at the company. There isn't really a standard.

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

She shouldn't expect any sort of maternity leave though. Most companies you have to be there a year before that stuff kicks in.

Amykinz
May 6, 2007

lol internet. posted:


What is the "standard" coverage by most companies? and how much do you pay each month? It seems like a lot, even under a companies benefit?

Also, what are the chances of them making up some excuse to fire her when they find out she's pregnant?

edit: Amykinz, so how much did you end up paying out of your pocket? Or how did your situation turn out?

We are a one income household, and California allows you to make twice their normal medicaid cutoff income while pregnant, so I was covered by medicaid (Medi-Cal in California) for the duration of my pregnancy. We still owed a few thousand dollars out of pocket because the month I found out I was pregnant I had to go to the ER for bleeding, and that month we got our tax return back so technically our income that month was over the cutoff so we're responsible for the entire ER visit.

This time we're covered through the state healthcare marketplace with a 'tax credit' to help with costs because we still make under a certain amount, and we actually were able to jump up to a better plan that costs more a month, but it will nearly completely cover the hospital visit for the birth, so it ended up that this would be cheaper.

As for your situation, the best bet is for your wife to ask in depth about their health care plans during the interview, and also look at the state's she'll be living in healthcare marketplace (if they have one). Each person is going to pay something different It may even be cheaper for her to go through the free market than the employer covered health care. If they're having her come in from out of country for an interview, they probably really want her to work there. I wouldn't reveal she's pregnant until she's working there and needs to make time for appointments, but I doubt they'll let her go upon finding out, especially since it seems like they are making an effort to have her work there. That technically is illegal in the US (firing for being pregnant), but a lot of lower level jobs will let you go for no reason anyways.

BonoMan
Feb 20, 2002

Jade Ear Joe

Inudeku posted:

I'm so sorry youre gunna be pregnant in summer :-(

My wife is gonna be 9 months pregnant in July. In Mississippi. :(

An Cat Dubh
Jun 17, 2005
Save the drama for your llama
lol internet, what country are you and your wife currently living in? In some countries there's free public maternal care.

Ambellina
Dec 6, 2005

Those who ride against us will be murdered where they stand

BonoMan posted:

My wife is gonna be 9 months pregnant in July. In Mississippi. :(

This is when I'm thankful that I'll only be 3-4 months pregnant this summer. In Minnesota.

Kluliss
Mar 6, 2011

Cake, is it a drug, or is it simply a delicious chocolatey piece of heaven?

Sockmuppet posted:

But for me it passed after a couple of months, and I had a great second trimester

Good to know, I didn't realise these things happened so quickly!

In other news I just got back from my scan and we have a heartbeat (how cool!) and everything's looking decent (a little blood in the uterus but that is apparently not to be worried about unless my spotting gets worse.) So far so good and much better than last time. I think I'll go and have a little cry now.

E: I'll be pregnant in summer but I'm in northern England so I don't think it counts. My sympathies to those in actually hot countries.

pjhalifax
May 29, 2004

love boat captain

BonoMan posted:

My wife is gonna be 9 months pregnant in July. In Mississippi. :(
South Carolina here. My partner is due in mid-August so our timing could have been a little better. :) We're reasonably close to the beach so I guess we'll be bobbing around in the water for most of July.

Some random questions about childbirth classes: how much do they normally cost, and have you found them to be worth it? It's $75/couple for the all day basic "this is how things go" class at our local hospital and that seemed steep to me. I also feel like there's so much accessible information these days that we might be okay without the class. Maybe I'm just cheap.

zonohedron
Aug 14, 2006


pjhalifax posted:

Some random questions about childbirth classes: how much do they normally cost, and have you found them to be worth it? It's $75/couple for the all day basic "this is how things go" class at our local hospital and that seemed steep to me. I also feel like there's so much accessible information these days that we might be okay without the class. Maybe I'm just cheap.

The one my husband and I took was free and was about an hour and a half on four successive Monday evenings. It was... not a terrible use of our time, but I wouldn't have paid $75 (or $30, really) for it. (It wasn't bad, especially because it was free, except for the nurse who was the teacher being weirdly pro-epidural.) Like you said, there's so much information out there that it just seems weird to sit down and have someone tell you things you already know or at least know how to look up.

We were going to take a tour of the actual hospital where my doctor had privileges (the class was at a different hospital in the same family of hospitals), but then I went into labor four days before the tour we'd signed up for.

Isabelle Caramel
Jun 23, 2008
I think Babycenter.com has free birthing classes online. If you're looking for the basic information and don't need one-on-one instruction they're pretty good.

kells
Mar 19, 2009

Sockmuppet posted:

The hormones that make it so your pelvis and such can stretch and move to accomodate baby, start showing up early on, so you can get weird-rear end aches and pains in joints and ligaments from ridiculously early on. My first proper pregnancy symptom was, honest to God, shoulder pain.

But for me it passed after a couple of months, and I had a great second trimester, and then all the aches and pains returned for the third trimester, I'm guessing because of the added strain.

My pelvis has hurt since way back in the beginning and I'm 9 months now. If I try to run or jump or do more than quietly walk waddle from place to place my pelvis gets REALLY sore for a day or so, I can't even roll over in bed without shooting pains. I slept on the couch last night because it was more comfortable and then had to sort of roll off and land on my hands and knees to get up.

Some people say it goes away immediately after giving birth, I really hope that's true!!!

bee
Dec 17, 2008


Do you often sing or whistle just for fun?
Mine got a lot better immediately following birth, but it took about 3 months to go entirely back to normal. All those hormones floating around in your system telling your ligaments to loosen up take a while to revert back to normal levels.

lol internet.
Sep 4, 2007
the internet makes you stupid

An Cat Dubh posted:

lol internet, what country are you and your wife currently living in? In some countries there's free public maternal care.

Canada,

There is free care, but my wife really wants to take that job in the US. So.. if she takes, she wouldn't be able to take the free healthcare for her pregnancy here.

Here's to hoping she gets coverage on the first day if she gets the job and everything works out...

sheri
Dec 30, 2002

Canada is so much better than the us on pretty much every social policy DON'T MOVE HERE! She won't even be guaranteed unpaid time off if she works less than a year for her company before having the baby. So, in theory, she could have the baby and hey could say come back to work tomorrow or you are out of a job and since she hasn't worked for the company for a year hat is allowed. They can't (in theory) fire her for being pregnant but they can fire her for not reporting to work the next business day after giving birth!

lol internet.
Sep 4, 2007
the internet makes you stupid

sheri posted:

Canada is so much better than the us on pretty much every social policy DON'T MOVE HERE! She won't even be guaranteed unpaid time off if she works less than a year for her company before having the baby. So, in theory, she could have the baby and hey could say come back to work tomorrow or you are out of a job and since she hasn't worked for the company for a year hat is allowed. They can't (in theory) fire her for being pregnant but they can fire her for not reporting to work the next business day after giving birth!

Yeah I don't want to but wife seems attached to the US. I'm a bit more flexible in terms of jobs since I'm in IT, she's having a harder time finding a decent job here in Canada. Although Canada has good social benefits, the cost of living is a lot higher and this seems shocking to her.

She's been here for about 6 months. We used 1500 worth of massage/acupuncture benefits, 500 for glasses for both of us, and probably 1000 worth of dental treatment.

(dental, glasses, massage is covered through my work benefits, but to be honest, that's like standard for any full time job unless you're a waitress\bartender.)

I was hoping to take her paternity leave and help her take care of the baby since she's not employed yet here but I guess that won't be happening.

Also, the thing about Canadian healthcare is you need to be actually a resident. I don't think you can just show up, use the hospital and disappear. (Resident basically means staying in one place for at least 3 months before actual heath care is provided.)

lol internet. fucked around with this message at 02:15 on May 24, 2014

Twatty Seahag
Dec 30, 2007
Holy poo poo do NOT come here from Canada. The US is basically a 3rd world country when it comes to healthcare and parental leave. OMG. Stay there!!

GoreJess
Aug 4, 2004

pretty in pink
As others have said, the biggest issue with your wife moving to the US & starting a new job while pregnant is that she won't be covered by FMLA. So she could go on maternity leave, have zero pay & her company could legally fire her & hire someone to replace her.

Now, it sounds like they really want her, so this might not happen, but it's a very likely possibility. Do you really want to uproot both of your lives for a job that might last 8 months?

Not to mention, she couldn't even get short term disability coverage now because she's already pregnant.

Abbeh
May 23, 2006

When I grow up I mean to be
A Lion large and fierce to see.
(Thank you, Das Boo!)
Just an example of US healthcare, but when my husband added me to his plan it was 6 months before they'd cover anything maternity related. She really can't count on having any coverage while pregnant, and I don't know if she realizes how expensive that'll be. Is there any way you can convince her to stay in Canada until the kiddo is born? If she thinks the cost of living is higher there, just wait until you have to pay everything out of pocket. Hell, we have a $2000 deductible even with good insurance, so we have to pay all that before the insurance starts paying for poo poo.

Twatty Seahag
Dec 30, 2007
I got pregnant before my FMLA/short term kicked in and took 8 weeks leave totally unpaid. It was supposed to be 6, but my parents very generously paid a month of our rent so I could take 2 more weeks. It was miserable.

Also, she may think that sounds OK now because it's still an abstract idea, but once you get farther along in pregnancy poo poo gets real fast. For example I decided we should move 3 days before my due date and now that I'm 8 months along and still working full time, I realize this is one of the dumbest choices I've ever made.

lol internet.
Sep 4, 2007
the internet makes you stupid
The thing is we haven't rooted into Canada yet, we got married, went traveling for about 6 months, relocated to Canada, I got a job, and she had trouble finding one.

She needs to get accepted in the company in the US. I'm\we're not so worried about getting paid leave off or anything as I will be able to support her with my job in Canada in the meantime. I guess she could technically come back to Canada and give birth but pretty sure there's some grey line there. Will have to just see how it all pans out, I hope this doesn't set us back money and stuff because I actually wanted to buy a house in the next 5 years.

Will have a talk with her again.

sheri
Dec 30, 2002

They could not hold her job for her after she gives birth or fire her for being pregnant once they find out. Yes, technically they aren't supposed to be able to but a lot of states in the USA are at-will employment states which means the company can fire you for any reason (aside from those legally protected) or they don't even need a reason. Yes, pregnancy is supposed to be legally protected but it is easy for a company to say "her working style didn't work with the company culture" and fire her for basically whatever reason they want.

GoreJess
Aug 4, 2004

pretty in pink

lol internet. posted:


She needs to get accepted in the company in the US. I'm\we're not so worried about getting paid leave off or anything as I will be able to support her with my job in Canada in the meantime.


Hold on a second here, is the plan for you to stay in Canada & her to move to the US by herself? Please tell me you guys aren't planning to be separated like that during her pregnancy & possibly birth.

Twatty Seahag
Dec 30, 2007
I'm having such a difficult time understanding why on Earth you would ever want to do this. It's not just maternity leave. What if she has to go on bedrest? What if she delivers early?

Even the "easiest" pregnancies are difficult. At 34 weeks, there are things that I literally cannot do without help. I come home from work miserable and exhausted. My boss is up my rear end because I have NSTs once a week now, and I HAVE FMLA.

I'm just :psyduck: about your whole situation.

silicone thrills
Jan 9, 2008

I paint things

sheri posted:

They could not hold her job for her after she gives birth or fire her for being pregnant once they find out. Yes, technically they aren't supposed to be able to but a lot of states in the USA are at-will employment states which means the company can fire you for any reason (aside from those legally protected) or they don't even need a reason. Yes, pregnancy is supposed to be legally protected but it is easy for a company to say "her working style didn't work with the company culture" and fire her for basically whatever reason they want.

This. So much. I know of so many women who were fired for reasons other than being pregnant but happened to get fired like a week after announcing their pregnancy to their HR/boss.


Literally the USA should be classified as a 3rd world country in terms of healthcare and ESPECIALLY maternity care and parenting support.

potatocubed
Jul 26, 2012

*rathian noises*
On a different subject, can anyone recommend a good pregnancy book for a first-time couple? I've read that 'What to expect when you're expecting' focuses a bit too much on things that can go wrong, which wouldn't be much good for either of us, but I don't know any others.

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zonohedron
Aug 14, 2006


potatocubed posted:

On a different subject, can anyone recommend a good pregnancy book for a first-time couple? I've read that 'What to expect when you're expecting' focuses a bit too much on things that can go wrong, which wouldn't be much good for either of us, but I don't know any others.

I liked Your Pregnancy, Week By Week, but to be fair, I used it mostly as a supplement to calling my mom (who's a professor of ob/gyn nursing). (That way I wasn't calling her every day with "Mom, this thing happened, is it okay?" or "Mom, this thing happened, is it going to stop happening or do I have to put up with it?")

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