Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Michael Bay Edition

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Michael Bay Edition

Koos Group: Mar 6, 2013

SuperMechagodzilla posted:

No, but it helps.

You are correct, in a sense, because this nerdist ideology has become mainstream. As a classic example, it is now 'common knowledge' that the Star Wars prequels suck. The only thing that separates the 'hardcore' nerds from this mainstream is vocality. A family watching Star Wars 7 (aka Episode I) might conclude that it was "kinda gay," where a real Trekker would insist that "you have no idea how gay it is! George Lucas and Jar-Jar Binks gay-raped my child!"

FILM CRIT HULK is quite stupid, but he's half-right about 'tangible details' - the things that nerds obsess over because they are unable to articulate what the actual problem is. You know: 'emo' Peter Parker, James Bond having blond hair - and more uncomfortably: black Heimdall, black Jar Jar Binks, Megan Fox being a dumb cocksucking bitch I hate her!!!, and so-on.

(Mainstream nerds think the same things, but aren't fanatical enough to freak out, create internet petitions, etc. Your average newspaper critic will find a polite way to call Megan Fox a oval office whore. Like I said, they are merely less vocal.)

What FILM CRIT HULK gets wrong - and he has this in common with RedLetter Media - is that he instead attacks the filmmakers' 'competence'. People hate Jar Jar Binks because George Lucas is a manchild who ruined Starwars with his bad writing and he's possibly a racist, blah blah blah. The illusion is that their disagreement is purely technical. FCH compares art to a car that either works or doesn't. Art is a consumer product, and certain manufacturers are more reliable.

Of course, both sides are about equally wrong. Both 'George Lucas' and 'JarJar' are built up into these ridiculous fantasy monsters who 'stole' utopia - 'raped children' - and ruined everything forever. The actual problem is ideology.

Audiences' problems with the Star Wars prequels, Transformers, etc., is that they function as extremely harsh ideological critiques. Fans' disagreements are intensely political but, due to various educational failures, they cannot articulate their opinions in a political way, through ideological critique. So instead they target the black guys.

As a specific example: Black Heimdall. The opposition to this character being black is obviously racist, but the underlying cause of this racist outburst is the presentation of Asgard as a sort of liberal utopia - a nice happy version of what Man Of Steel depicts as a classist hell-world. Liberals, if course, have no problem with Thor's multiculturalism but do get mad that Superman is too violent, or is missing the red underpants - and/or claim Zack Snyder is a child-raping fratboy.

It's a purely ideological conflict.

That leads us to the Turtles, and we are seeing the same ridiculous scenario play out. Tiny nasal ridges and the curl of a lip are claimed to defile an innocent state of life that never actually existed. The blame is being leveled at the usual suspects: Megan Fox, the slut; Michael Bay, the fratboy; and, of course, the turtles' own 'uncanny' nonwhite faces.

The actual thing that scares fans is the confrontation with the fact that their childhood toys were marketed to them for crass profit. That's something you either cynically accept (Transformers fans' ironic TFwiki), or it will drive you nutso with various coping mechanisms (Wookiepedia's obsessive focus on canonicity - and its recent meltdown).

There is a third option, however, that I profess: anticapitalism, and accepting Christ.

# ? May 18, 2014 08:41

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 10, 2024 04:31

Assepoester: Jul 18, 2004; Can't post for 10 years!; Melman v2

Megan Fox is wrong for April O Neil because she's not black enough

# ? May 18, 2014 11:28

davidspackage: May 16, 2007; Nap Ghost

Cardboard Box A posted:

Megan Fox is wrong for April O Neil because she's not black enough

As a kid, I furiously collected TMNT stickers that came with a type of gum, for a while. One of the stickers had April looking like that, is that an early look from the comics or something?

# ? May 18, 2014 13:18

Lobok: Jul 13, 2006; Say Watt?

Cardboard Box A posted:

Megan Fox is wrong for April O Neil because she's not black enough

Well they had run out of casting choices after Lionel Richie turned them down.

# ? May 18, 2014 14:58

Dinosaurs!: May 22, 2003

I thought we established a couple pages back that Megan Fox is playing a black character. It's called acting, Cardboard Box A.

Like when normal people are cast as a retard.

# ? May 23, 2014 03:58

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

Lobok posted:

Well they had run out of casting choices after Lionel Richie turned them down.

Looks like Kelly LeBrock with a bad perm

# ? May 23, 2014 05:22

Hbomberguy: Jul 4, 2009; [culla=big red]TufFEE did nO THINg WÌ¡RAÌ¸NG[/read]

Dinosaurs! posted:

I thought we established a couple pages back that Megan Fox is playing a black character. It's called acting, Cardboard Box A.

Like when normal people are cast as a retard.

Enough about Shia Labeouf. This is the Turtles thread.

# ? May 23, 2014 05:45

Feenix: Mar 14, 2003; Sorry, guy.

Lobok posted:

Well they had run out of casting choices after Lionel Richie turned them down.

That's Kelly goddamn LeBrock to a tee!

# ? May 23, 2014 07:31

Lobok: Jul 13, 2006; Say Watt?

Hey, I just post the jokes, I don't make `em.

# ? May 23, 2014 14:52

Stormageddon: Jan 16, 2008; I am actually just a sentient program made to shitpost, and am still getting my human speed calibration down.

SALT CURES HAM posted:

And this is a really really dumb thing to say. There are plenty of lower-class characters, even within Star Wars itself, that are perfectly well-liked. For example, Han Solo's entire characterization for a lot of the original trilogy is "lower-class lout," and he's one of the most iconic characters in all of cinema. The problem with Jar-Jar is that not only is he lower-class, but his mannerisms are straight up irritating, and he comes off as a transparent attempt to get more little kids in the theater and sell more toys.

The main character was a literal farmhand. Not sure his point on class when the whole series rides on the impoverished yet well armed rebels defeating the Empire with limitless funds. Even the spaceships were indicative of this, where as the Imperial ships are all sleek iFleet designs with cleaning robots and dry cleaning service, the Rebels win the day in their hunks of dirty spacecraft, the most iconic ship of the series being the mother of all ships held together by chewing gum and a prayer. Even Vader was a child who built machines out of trash on Planet Barstow, so really the movie throws being poor as a virtue in almost every case. The most hated chars in the Star Wars universe are the ewoks, who serve both as cash grabs, and exist in universe in a society that has no concept of wealth.

quote:

Off the top of my head, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Emily Blunt, Eva Green, Anna Kendrick, and Emilia Clarke would have all probably been better choices for her role, and that's arbitrarily limiting myself to natural brunettes. Taking that limitation away, Brie Larson and Emma Stone come to mind.

I didn't have issue with Fox until this, now I'm sad it wasn't any of the listed.

HUNDU THE BEAST GOD posted:

Luke was a geek. Han was effortlessly cool. Even being very young not giving a poo poo seems cooler, laser sword or no.

Boba Fett was always the popular one when I was in school, who was all the coolness of lone Solo and the mysterious masked villainy of Vader in one.

Also on the Lone Solo concept, Chewbacca was Native American. He was literally just Tonto, and it's esp apparent when you find out Endor was supposed to be where the Wookies were from, and Ewoks were a late production change. Even the bandolier/sash is a common aboriginal garb.
http://i.imgur.com/WEIjtmC.jpg

Stormageddon fucked around with this message at 09:51 on Jun 18, 2014

# ? Jun 18, 2014 09:29

echoplex: Mar 5, 2008; Stainless Style

Stormageddon posted:

Chewbacca was Native American.

Clue very much in the name.

# ? Jun 18, 2014 18:16

Lets! Get! Weird!: Aug 18, 2012; Black King Bazinga

Anyone who liked Boba Fett was a dumb nerd 'cause he just falls into the Sarlacc like a moron.

# ? Jun 18, 2014 21:29

Arx Monolith: May 4, 2007

Maybe the last dozen pages have confused me but is the new TMNT movie set in the Star Wars universes or is everybody dancing around the issue of "they kinda look like black guys" by using Jar-Jar Binks as a shield to avoid people saying "You're racist because you think they look black"

# ? Jun 18, 2014 21:42

TryAgainBragg: May 5, 2014

Snak posted:

Donatello is clearly R2D2.

and it all finally made sense....

# ? Jun 18, 2014 22:14

Dark_Tzitzimine: Oct 9, 2012; by R. Guyovich

Shredderformer

# ? Jun 19, 2014 00:39

Lets! Get! Weird!: Aug 18, 2012; Black King Bazinga

Arx Monolith posted:

Maybe the last dozen pages have confused me but is the new TMNT movie set in the Star Wars universes or is everybody dancing around the issue of "they kinda look like black guys" by using Jar-Jar Binks as a shield to avoid people saying "You're racist because you think they look black"

They look really stupid but I guess if you think they look stupid you're some kind of ultranerd/autist/spergmeister.

# ? Jun 19, 2014 00:45

Arx Monolith: May 4, 2007

Dark_Tzitzimine posted:

Shredderformer

Tell me this is a real frame. Where is this from?

# ? Jun 19, 2014 00:48

Dark_Tzitzimine: Oct 9, 2012; by R. Guyovich

Arx Monolith posted:

Tell me this is a real frame. Where is this from?

I found it here:

http://ninja-turtles-fan-site.tumblr.com/post/89087909378/shredder-in-hd-quality-in-the-upcoming-tmntmovie

~~So its veracity is tenous at best but it fits with the concept art.~~

EDIT: Scratch that, it seems that page is a legitimate source since the pic was just uploaded at Newsarama.

http://www.newsarama.com/21382-first-look-tmnt-s-new-shredder-high-quality-shot.html

Dark_Tzitzimine fucked around with this message at 01:33 on Jun 19, 2014

# ? Jun 19, 2014 01:16

Stormageddon: Jan 16, 2008; I am actually just a sentient program made to shitpost, and am still getting my human speed calibration down.

Lets! Get! Weird! posted:

They look really stupid but I guess if you think they look stupid you're some kind of ultranerd/autist/spergmeister.

When you take time out to photoshop the details out of stills from the trailer to match your vision of the 80s cartoon, chances are you really are.

# ? Jun 19, 2014 03:20

dackota: Jun 19, 2014

OMG, is there literally any part of my childhood Michael Bay does not want to ruin.....

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Jun 19, 2014 03:28

Pycckuu: Sep 13, 2011; by FactsAreUseless

dackota posted:

OMG, is there literally any part of my childhood Michael Bay does not want to ruin.....

Next he's going to come over for dinner and bang your mom.

# ? Jun 19, 2014 04:27

Dr_Amazing: Apr 15, 2006; It's a long story

Watching the turtles fight Edward scissor hands should be cool.

# ? Jun 19, 2014 04:31

Vintersorg: Mar 3, 2004; President of
the Brendan Fraser
Fan Club

dackota posted:

OMG, is there literally any part of my childhood Michael Bay does not want to ruin.....

Grow up.

# ? Jun 19, 2014 07:04

GonSmithe: Apr 25, 2010; Perhaps it's in the nature of television. Just waves in space.

dackota posted:

OMG, is there literally any part of my childhood Michael Bay does not want to ruin.....

Your childhood was lovely and you should feel lovely.

# ? Jun 19, 2014 07:19

Yoshifan823: Feb 19, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

I hope that, when the Power Rangers movie is on the verge of coming out a few years down the road, that the generation that grew up watching it collectively realizes just how goofy it is to be so affected by a TV show made to sell toys to 8 year olds and don't complain about our childhoods being ruined, because between this, Transformers, and whatever other movie properties from the 80s came out and weren't "reverential" or whatever to the source material, it makes me think that people who came of age in the 80s had lovely childhoods.

# ? Jun 19, 2014 09:12

Grendels Dad: Mar 5, 2011; Popular culture has passed you by.

Dark_Tzitzimine posted:

Shredderformer

No corkscrew. A shameful suit.

# ? Jun 19, 2014 09:25

Honest Thief: Jan 11, 2009

dackota posted:

OMG, is there literally any part of my childhood Michael Bay does not want to ruin.....

how is this any worse than super shredder? it looks just as dumb

# ? Jun 19, 2014 10:06

dackota: Jun 19, 2014

Honest Thief posted:

how is this any worse than super shredder? it looks just as dumb

Fair point.

# ? Jun 19, 2014 14:11

Lobok: Jul 13, 2006; Say Watt?

I'd say Freddy Krueger's influence is felt more than Edward Scissorhands.

I think it looks good. He's a Shredder. He should look like he can shred. Maybe he's excellent at all forms of shredding, like he's a master snowboarder and kick-rear end guitarist.

# ? Jun 19, 2014 14:33

Assepoester: Jul 18, 2004; Can't post for 10 years!; Melman v2

Dark_Tzitzimine posted:

Shredderformer

Yo we heard you like knives so we put knives on your knives

# ? Jun 19, 2014 14:58

Vakal: May 11, 2008

Cardboard Box A posted:

Yo we heard you like knives so we put knives on your knives

I hope this movie has the same scene where the Shredder initiates a new footclan ninja, except this time he cuts the guys head off while trying to put the mask onto him.

# ? Jun 19, 2014 15:20

Vintersorg: Mar 3, 2004; President of
the Brendan Fraser
Fan Club

Since this is taking most of it's cue's from the cartoon I hope it is balls out loving crazy. Introduce the Neutrinos at the end or even Krang with the rock fuckers.

# ? Jun 19, 2014 15:33

egon_beeblebrox: Mar 1, 2008; WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.

Vintersorg posted:

Since this is taking most of it's cue's from the cartoon I hope it is balls out loving crazy. Introduce the Neutrinos at the end or even Krang with the rock fuckers.

I agree with this. I'd watch a movie involving Dimension X and all the weird poo poo in it.

# ? Jun 19, 2014 16:21

Stormageddon: Jan 16, 2008; I am actually just a sentient program made to shitpost, and am still getting my human speed calibration down.

Lobok posted:

I think it looks good. He's a Shredder. He should look like he can shred. Maybe he's excellent at all forms of shredding, like he's a master snowboarder and kick-rear end guitarist.

He couldn't even do those things as good as the turtles.

MY CHILDHOOD IS PRECIOUS :qq:

# ? Jun 19, 2014 19:26

sexpig by night: Sep 8, 2011; by Azathoth

Dark_Tzitzimine posted:

Shredderformer

See this is what I want, I want them to just be loving stupid, because as much as I love the turtles, they're so loving stupid. Like, literally every version, especially the grim dark comic original, was so stupid and full of stupid villains and plots. poo poo yes give me a Shredder who looks like he's wearing a suit literally made of knives, that's the exact 'respect' a ninja warlord with blade arms who calls himself 'The Shredder' and leads the 'foot clan' deserves.

# ? Jun 20, 2014 04:09

Ensign_Ricky: Jan 4, 2008; Daddy Warlord
of the
Children of the Corn

_{or something...}

Dark_Tzitzimine posted:

Shredderformer

See, I don't mind the look of the armor too much, it's the insanity of the gauntlet blades that really bothers me.

# ? Jun 20, 2014 04:15

Attack on Princess: Dec 15, 2008; _{To yolo rolls! The cause and solution to all problems!}

Ensign_Ricky posted:

See, I don't mind the look of the armor too much, it's the insanity of the gauntlet blades that really bothers me.

They're blade catchers, so he doesn't accidentally cut his own arms off when crossing them. :colbert:

# ? Jun 20, 2014 07:30

hypersleep: Sep 17, 2011

What the gently caress did people expect a villain named "The Shredder" to look like in the year 2014?

I think he looks great. The armor looks much more samurai inspired than it did in the concept artwork.

And that's why I don't get the comparisons to the Transformers. Someone on another board said his mask looks like Megatron's face but it just looks like an over the top samurai mask to me.

Of all the stuff to complain about in this movie, the Shredder armor is near the bottom.

Wait till you see how Splinter looks

# ? Jun 20, 2014 16:08

Ensign_Ricky: Jan 4, 2008; Daddy Warlord
of the
Children of the Corn

_{or something...}

hypersleep posted:

What the gently caress did people expect a villain named "The Shredder" to look like in the year 2014?

I think he looks great. The armor looks much more samurai inspired than it did in the concept artwork.

Like I said, the armor itself is not an issue for me. The gauntlet blades however look loving ridiculous. It seriously just looks like he welded some lawnmower blades on and said "Close enough." The rest has a kind of deadly elegance in its own way, but those loving things are just silly.

# ? Jun 20, 2014 18:41

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 10, 2024 04:31

Awfull Ioci: May 29, 2012

Robotnik Nudes posted:

Megan Fox is a bold surrealist who is pretty good at her job of inspiring angry nerds to fits of self loathing masturbation.

Pretty good at her job. Can't argue with that.

# ? Jun 20, 2014 19:42

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Michael Bay Edition

«‹›29 »