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Sorry, but Dolphins Front Office went all Joe Flacco in the '12 playoffs and unleashed the dragon at just the right time to finish strong, Haslam had a good start but blew his wad waaaaay too early in the season.
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Jun 5, 2014 17:22
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Haslam is the Dan Marino of the tournament.
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Jun 5, 2014 17:39
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DFO That CF poo poo was just inhuman
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Jun 5, 2014 18:32
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Haslam deserves it more
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Jun 5, 2014 18:37
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Thaddius the Large posted:Sorry, but Dolphins Front Office went all Joe Flacco in the '12 playoffs and unleashed the dragon at just the right time to finish strong, Haslam had a good start but blew his wad waaaaay too early in the season. I was really torn on my vote (much moreso than others it seems), but this convinced me. So Dolphins Front Office, for consistent and reliable douching all season long as opposed to just a douche and run.
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Jun 5, 2014 18:43
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Haslam
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Jun 5, 2014 20:29
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A short and late interview with Jimmy Haslam: Jimmy: The result of this investigation shows that I'm not a douche. I have always maintained that the foundation of myself is built on my integrity and that any willful douchebaggery at any time is intolerable. I'm glad that cooperation with the goon investigation proved my innocence, and we will continue our own investigation in these allegations. I value the relationships we have with the fans, the mods and the trolls across this forum and regret that they had to go through this with us, but I trust and believe their faith in me and my principles has never been misplaced.
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Jun 5, 2014 20:52
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Haslam
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Jun 5, 2014 21:58
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Haslam is under serious FBI investigation, and with an entire swath of Hispanic drivers- targeted because they were vulnerable- waiting for civil rights claims to hurt the man. An owner who is assuredly going to run the team like a drunk sailor until the bullet hits the bone. Haslam will be punished for his douchitude. This is an Internet Justice tournament. The men who control the Dolphins ran with Ireland all the way with Incognito, Ted Ginn's family et al. And then they turned around and fired a man because of his sick wife. Nothing has changed in the Miami culture, and obviously no punishment will change that. DFO for Internet Jusice
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Jun 5, 2014 22:32
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Rap posted:loving Jimmy Haslam is going to lose and it's just wrong dammit And so it goes that the browns shall forever continue in their rightful place. I mean, he/you/all things browns should be used to losing by now, come on.
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Jun 5, 2014 22:57
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Jimmy Haslam. Voting for the Dolphins seems like a classic case of sympathizing more with a single victim that you can put a face to vs thousands of unknown victims. "The death of one man is a tragedy, the death of millions is a statistic", etc.
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Jun 5, 2014 23:27
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Dolphins Front Office
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Jun 6, 2014 00:20
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jugulator45 posted:Dolphins Front Office For the CF
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Jun 6, 2014 00:23
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Rap posted:loving Jimmy Haslam is going to lose and it's just wrong dammit Dude, it's the loving Dolphins Front Office, even Haslam can't compete with that. He's only one All-Pro douche versus an entire front office of douches.
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Jun 6, 2014 02:44
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DFO because that is some serious douchebaggery. Pretend I bolded that because I'm on my phone.
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Jun 6, 2014 04:28
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Dolphins Front Office because what was their response to firing a ginourmous douche who asked a player if his mother was a prostitute? They hire a guy who not only fires a scout because he worked at home to care for his sick wife, but also systematically and in a targeted manner ensure that he could not continue to care for her, even at zero cost to the team. gently caress you Dennis Hickey, gently caress you up your stupid rear end.
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Jun 6, 2014 04:52
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redscare posted:DFO because that is some serious douchebaggery. Pretend I bolded that because I'm on my phone. I, too, am on my phone. I'll take care of that for you.
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Jun 6, 2014 05:37
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Between the Richie Incognito affair and firing a scout because he wanted to care for his sick wife at home (and then specifically rigging it so that he wouldn't be able to continue caring for her), I have to vote for the Dolphins Front Office.
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Jun 6, 2014 14:12
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DFO. Dear God, a Douche team of Jeff Ireland and his friends? That is championship level material.
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Jun 6, 2014 14:35
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Dolphins Front Office. What they did to that scout and his wife is one of the douchiest stories I've heard and I've been following this competition closely since year one.
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Jun 6, 2014 15:55
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I know we should only consider football related things when voting in this competition, but Jimmy Haslam , y'all. God, what a loving mess.
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Jun 6, 2014 17:57
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Jimmy Haslam because he gave me hope since it looked like we finally had an owner that gave a gently caress.
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Jun 6, 2014 21:52
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Flikken posted:hope I think you're at fault here.
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Jun 6, 2014 22:39
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superaielman posted:DFO. Dear God, a Douche team of Jeff Ireland and his friends? That is championship level material. It's like an incompetent front office version of the Legion of Doom, filled only with the morons like Bizarro and Solomon Grundy and maybe that dumbass jester guy
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Jun 6, 2014 22:48
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Chichevache posted:I think you're at fault here. 
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Jun 7, 2014 02:43
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 UPSET ALERT(BUT NOT REALLY)! (6)Dolphins Front Office has defeated (3)Jimmy Haslam 35-13!Special thanks to Cruel and Unusual for doing the write up on Jimmy Haslam Episode 11: Mario or Fat vs. Stache Featuring: (2)Bret Bielma vs. (7)Jeff Fisher Bret Bielma  Grittybeard posted:Bret Bielema. Elotana posted:
Troy Queef posted:Bret Bielema--For using an unrelated death to mask the fact that he doesn't know poo poo about conditioning a defense, for trying to foist B1G football upon a people that does not want it, and for general #karma C. Everett Koop posted:Every time we talk about Bert it should be mandatory to post this We here at the Douche Council have received a written correspondence from Douche Bielma A letter from Bret Bielma to the Council of Douche: To whom it may concern: I have recently been notified of my nomination in the Ben Rothlisburger Douche Tournament for the crime of speaking my mind. To disrespect me to such a degree without even having the courtesy of notifying me is abhorrent, but I am a fair man in my own estimation, and so if it is a piece of my mind you wish to trample, a piece of my mind you will have! I wish I had not uttered those words about that young man's fate, that much is plain. He should never have been put in a situation against the hurry up and I think it's pretty cut and dried what happened, but disturbing the peace of mind of so many fans is regrettable. That is NOT to say, however, that the hurry up is good for football. On the contrary, it requires a caliber of athlete across the defensive board that you just can't consistently get in college ball. Keeping it in the game risks seriously hurting players and increases the chances of a minor injury becoming a major or, to be frank, SuperMajor injury. It's quite simply an unfair advantage, akin to steroid use. It's not safe, it's unfair, and it ruins the game at its very core. After all, who wants to watch guys sprinting to the line after every play and not giving either side adequate time to counter the other? Football is a game of the mind, a physical chess match, and as much as I love my Sam linebacker, he's no chess machine. It creates a subpar product and it's success is going to spread it around it football and soon the game will be nothing but random plays called on a whim by players on the field. People seek to vilify me for my opinion here, but when my Badgers won it all three times in a row, it should have been clear that I know a little bit about football. I know what it takes to win, and this hurry up nonsense makes that downright impossible. Could I run this offense that repulses me so? Absolutely I could, and we would win more games, but I respect my players, the game, and myself too much to do such a disgusting thing. A young man has already lost his life to this perversion of football and I'll not be a part of it. And so I ask that you remove me from this "douche contest". I am a man of conviction, and if that means I must stand against a current of idiocy and juvenile insults, then so be it I suppose, but hopefully this letter has made clear the difference between convictions and douchery. This hurry up malarkey isn't going to go down without a fight and so I hope you'll forgive my trespasses in using whatever weapons left available to me. God bless, Bret Bielma VS. Jeff Fisher  Gerund posted:I nominate Jeff Fisher Jeff Fisher has made a short statement regarding this match For the 2014 season, I propose the most logical player safety regulation yet - every player must grow a mustache. “How will that help?” you may ask. It’s simple - manly men like myself have mustaches, and manly men don’t get injuries. That’s just scientific fact - mustache growth and masculinity are directly related. It also hearkens back to the seventies, a time when men were tough and didn’t bitch about things like concussions. BERRRRRRRRRRRRT IS FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT Jeff Fisher has an amazing mustache Will either of these facts prove advantageous when it comes to being a bigger douche? Only one way to find out! 3... 2... 1... DOUCHE!
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Jun 8, 2014 20:42
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Bret Bielma SEC SEC SEC SEC
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Jun 8, 2014 20:43
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Bret Bielema because he was such a dickbag the University of Arizona made a Speed parody with RichRod shittalking his dumb-rear end talking points and that's amazing
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Jun 8, 2014 20:47
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Bret Bielema
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Jun 8, 2014 20:54
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Fisher's a douche but Bret Bielema has him beat here.
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Jun 8, 2014 21:18
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Bret Bielma hands down
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Jun 8, 2014 21:30
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Jeff Fisher and his playbook-stealing mustache are iconic. Bret Bielema gets my vote.
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Jun 8, 2014 21:39
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http://www.sbnation.com/college-football/2013/5/9/4314466/bret-bielemas-kitchen Even Bielema's kitchen is douchey
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Jun 8, 2014 21:58
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Jeff Fisher, for hiring Brian Schottenheimer, who called a pass play on 4th-and-1 at home down five against Seattle and lost the game. Jeff Fisher for subsequently getting blown out in Seattle, thus handing the Seahawks the one seed in the playoffs. Jeff Fisher for giving the 12th Man two home games.
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Jun 8, 2014 22:20
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Bret Bielema
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Jun 8, 2014 23:04
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As a Wisconsin alum I'm contractually required to vote for Bret Bielema
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Jun 8, 2014 23:40
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Jeff Fisher
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Jun 9, 2014 02:35
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Both are equally douchey, but I guess I'll throw my vote to Bielema.
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Jun 9, 2014 03:10
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Small favor: now that we are done after this match with the first two divisions, can I get opinions on what the best interview in each division was? I am going to buy an upgrade for whoever is rated as my best writer. I'll be asking again when each division finishes each round.
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Jun 9, 2014 04:59
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I dislike Bielema so much that Alabama now has a team on their schedule that I want them to beat. Yes I know Saban was pushing the same rule change with the same motivations, but when the backlash came he at least did a competent job on the PR front. Bielema decided that he would just go ahead and claim the memory of some kid who had tragically died less than two weeks earlier, a kid he had never met, a kid for whom the medical examiner had not yet determined a cause of death. Bielema practically announced that the cause of death was the hurryup/no huddle offense, and that it must be abolished before it kills again. I bet the family and friends and teammates and coaches and fans who were still grieving his death and waiting for answers really appreciated that. Bielema expected people to take him seriously when he claimed that, if the offense lines up fast, a defensive player in a life-threatening medical crisis has no way of stopping the game and getting off the field. Every human being who cared enough about college football to know about the proposed rule knew that a player need only sit down (or stay down) following a play to stop the game and receive immediate help. The other team's fans might boo but I'd say that's easily preferable to death. obligatory: 
Thermos H Christ fucked around with this message at 05:55 on Jun 9, 2014 |
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Jun 9, 2014 05:44
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