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Assumptions make an rear end out of u and me... Yuck.
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Jun 16, 2014 23:06
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Fart Sandwiches posted:Regarding retarded boot camp clothes: the navy kids at boot these days design and pay for class t shirts and hoodies. It's usually got their class number and roster of graduates along with some really moto poo poo going on in the background. I bought our basic training class shirt but only because I designed it  It was a daisy flower that was holding a noose in each leaf/arm. Each noose had a rabbit in it and one of the rabbits had a 341 with the name Hare on it because he was the only doofus that got recycled. For whatever reason, people thought a flower holding dead rabbits was a good idea.
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Jun 18, 2014 20:19
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chemosh6969 posted:I bought our basic training class shirt but only because I designed it Was the TI named Flores? That ain't a bad visual pun but buying basic training motto poo poo is still retarded.
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Jun 18, 2014 21:33
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Otisburg posted:Was the TI named Flores? That ain't a bad visual pun but buying basic training motto poo poo is still retarded. That name sounds familiar but it's been 18 years. He was going to be a ranger but had a bad knee. Not sure how many other TIs fall into that category.
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Jun 18, 2014 22:29
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chemosh6969 posted:I bought our basic training class shirt but only because I designed it I got stuck with course shirts once. Due to the number of people that failed out late in the course, a last second increase in shirt costs and a new rule prohibiting students from buying gifts for instructors I was on the hook for like a dozen unclaimed shirts. The other guys on course were nice enough to pitch in a few bucks each so ultimately it didn't cost me anything out of pocket, but I was giving course shirts away as gifts to friends/family for months 
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Jun 19, 2014 00:20
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Years ago, I went to the Combat Casualty Care Course (C4) at Camp Bullis. It's a tri-service course where doctors, nurses, dentists, PAs, etc. are trained in "field medicine" by enlisted medics. Apart from ATLS at BAMC, which is really important, the majority of the course involves the NCOs organizing the medical professionals into platoons, handing them MOPP gear, MOLLE packs, and M-16s, and marching around fake villages and obstacle courses. They focus a lot on weapon discipline, organizing fire teams, etc. A lot. (Remember that we're all noncombatants.) Part of the stupidity was that demanding everyone develop platoon mottoes, names, etc. They really wouldn't let this go. So, being in 2nd platoon, I made a guidon out of a brown hand towel and wrote a Latin motto around a cardboard "II" I ripped off a PX energy drink display. They thought we were buying into their B.S., but the motto translated to "This is bullshit." We called ourselves "The Big Deuce" and shouted "Splash one!" at attention. I think one pretty chill AF NCO caught on, because he cracked up every time we marched by and asked for the flag when we were done.
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Jun 19, 2014 00:54
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Enlisted people trying to teach doctors medicine is idiotic all on it's own.
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Jun 19, 2014 01:30
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Derek Dominoe posted:Years ago, I went to the Combat Casualty Care Course (C4) at Camp Bullis. It's a tri-service course where doctors, nurses, dentists, PAs, etc. are trained in "field medicine" by enlisted medics. Apart from ATLS at BAMC, which is really important, the majority of the course involves the NCOs organizing the medical professionals into platoons, handing them MOPP gear, MOLLE packs, and M-16s, and marching around fake villages and obstacle courses. They focus a lot on weapon discipline, organizing fire teams, etc. A lot. (Remember that we're all noncombatants.) You guys were doing it right. The other section's Sgt in our platoon wanted to make t-shirts for our Iraq deployment and was really persistent about each section having a nickname. Theirs was something (in)appropriately moto involving skulls and death. The most interesting thing that had happened up to that point in the deployment was when we were told to detain a hunchback. So we went with that.  (That's Quasimoto on the sign.. quasi-moto) We had a Lt. that wanted a mortar-themed platoon callsign for Afghanistan but eventually dropped it when the best we could do was "Stroker".
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Jun 19, 2014 02:39
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Heard a story about a butterbar in a training unit who really needed to get classified from point A to point B but really didn't feel like going through the asspain of checking it out properly. The compromise? Stuffing that sumbitch in his flight suit. Even if he wasn't seen doing it, he apparently looked guilty as hell walking around that it would have been noticed the second the vault did its end-of-day accountability. Fly high, young airman. Your empire awaits. quote:Quasi-moto 
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Jun 19, 2014 05:50
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It's your own drat fault if you give a butterbar classified. I was an idiot at the rifle range in BMT. To be fair, I was an eighteen year old city boy who had never even picked up a real weapon until then. During the classroom phase, the instructor really hammered home proper trigger discipline. To do so we had to aim at a random spot in the room, gently squeeze the trigger, pull the charging handle and repeat for about five minutes. I made it through about five or six shots at the range and was feeling pretty good when a TI nudged me with his boot, handed me a bunch of loose rounds he'd picked up and told me that the M16 was not, in fact, a bolt-action rifle.
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Jun 19, 2014 10:38
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Wild T posted:It's your own drat fault if you give a butterbar classified. Hahahaha, oh man. That's pretty much the best possible outcome. You followed directions exactly. More  than 
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Jun 19, 2014 11:43
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Wild T posted:was feeling pretty good when a TI nudged me with his boot, handed me a bunch of loose rounds he'd picked up and told me that the M16 was not, in fact, a bolt-action rifle.
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Jun 19, 2014 12:33
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Kind of idiot story- we got a bunch of replacements before my second tour with the 82d, and had qual range. The section leader told us to, "treat this poo poo like its real, because I can promise Hadji Goatfucker will ruin your loving day if you." He spent about five minutes beating this poo poo into the new guys heads, and now they are all shaken up and worried. So I went through the ammo point twice, as did the other senior E4 and gave each of them about ten extra rounds, explaining that in real life if you miss, you should have at least a hundred other rounds to finish the deal, and if you are down to forty rounds and their are forty dudes heading towards your lone position, you are pretty much hosed anyway. Chilled them out, they all shot well, except the Platoon retard, who had fifty loving rounds (the ten extra and the loose rounds from the firing point) and failed to qual.
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Jun 20, 2014 00:10
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Osan is having a GO1 weekend thanks to a shitton of ARIs, underage drinkers, and a DUI. Japan rules here we come.
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Jun 20, 2014 02:51
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bulletsponge13 posted:Kind of idiot story- we got a bunch of replacements before my second tour with the 82d, and had qual range. The section leader told us to, "treat this poo poo like its real, because I can promise Hadji Goatfucker will ruin your loving day if you." He spent about five minutes beating this poo poo into the new guys heads, and now they are all shaken up and worried. that's because no one gave him the moto speech. This brings up a good point. Often people spend all their time checking to make sure their dudes are good, and no one checks them. For instance, after I checked all my teammates gear like a good atl, I ended up forgetting my lbv because no one had me suit up to make sure I was good. Wasn't a big deal since it happened in training, but this happens a lot and if you're responsible for other dudes, you need to know you're not exempt from having a brain fart every now and then. elite_garbage_man fucked around with this message at 03:10 on Jun 20, 2014 |
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Jun 20, 2014 02:57
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Not mine, but from my sister's Air Force girlfriend. She completed BMT last winter (currently in Biloxi working toward being a dental assistant), and the MTI was giving the proud goodbye to the graduates as their buses pulled out. One of the shitheads who hated him flipped him the bird through the window as they drove off. The MTI managed to catch up to the bus, stop it, and personally hauled the guy out. They rolled him back all the way to day zero.
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Jun 20, 2014 04:11
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nullscan posted:Osan is having a GO1 weekend thanks to a shitton of ARIs, underage drinkers, and a DUI. Japan rules here we come. The best part is how they reminded us every step of the way that "this is not a punitive measure".
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Jun 20, 2014 10:23
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chitoryu12 posted:Not mine, but from my sister's Air Force girlfriend. She completed BMT last winter (currently in Biloxi working toward being a dental assistant), and the MTI was giving the proud goodbye to the graduates as their buses pulled out. One of the shitheads who hated him flipped him the bird through the window as they drove off. I've heard this story a million different ways since I came in in '02 and doubt it ever happened. The TIs even told us a version of it before we left. Honestly they'd probably figure "gently caress it, not my problem any more" and just call ahead to dude's tech school squadron so they can deal with the hassle.
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Jun 20, 2014 10:35
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Wild T posted:I've heard this story a million different ways since I came in in '02 and doubt it ever happened. The TIs even told us a version of it before we left. Honestly they'd probably figure "gently caress it, not my problem any more" and just call ahead to dude's tech school squadron so they can deal with the hassle. No kidding- I never took the threat of being recycled that seriously when I was there. Most people don't realize that it costs a good amount of money to put people through basic. They aren't going to waste thousands of dollars sending you back a few weeks because your hospital corners or whatever weren't perfect.
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Jun 20, 2014 12:02
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If you come forward with allegations of sexual assault against your TI, however...
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Jun 20, 2014 12:04
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You'll get recycled maybe one week at the most. Usually people who get recycled really far are put there for a couple days to teach them a lesson and they are put back in their flight. Not to mention they aren't going to put you at day zero once you've already graduated and have your rank.
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Jun 20, 2014 12:05
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nullscan posted:Osan is having a GO1 weekend thanks to a shitton of ARIs, underage drinkers, and a DUI. Japan rules here we come. dscruffy1 posted:The best part is how they reminded us every step of the way that "this is not a punitive measure". Holy poo poo, Drum is better than Korea at this point. 
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Jun 20, 2014 13:19
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Wild T posted:I've heard this story a million different ways since I came in in '02 and doubt it ever happened. The TIs even told us a version of it before we left. Honestly they'd probably figure "gently caress it, not my problem any more" and just call ahead to dude's tech school squadron so they can deal with the hassle. Heard it in '96 as well. It doesn't seem like the Air Force way to ignore it and call their tech school do deal with it. It would make more sense to stop everything for everyone and waste as much time as possible.
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Jun 20, 2014 15:55
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The only guy I saw recycled to day 0 for anything other than debilitating illness* was an arrogant turd who not only bought a smart phone at the PX in week 2 or 3, not only smuggled it into the barracks, but also charged at least thirteen other trainees in our platoon for the privilege of using it. He was conveniently "caught" right before Family Weekend, NJP'd, and recycled. The drill sergeants threatened to start calling numbers in the phone's history and see who picked up. Everyone who fessed up to using the phone was restricted to barracks -- including the E4 who had reclassed and was training with us. I don't know whether the shithead actually ratted out the people who had used his phone. There's no way the drill sergeants were going to take the time to comb the phone's history, so some people might have kept their mouths shut and gotten away with it. e: *This was me. Started as heat exhaustion, then I caught whatever combination of mutant superviruses they breed in the Benning trainee infirmary and was out nearly four weeks. Back to day zero! (but only after you wait around for months in the goddamn 30th AG E Company with all the whiny goons who Eugene V. Dubstep fucked around with this message at 19:51 on Jun 20, 2014 |
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Jun 20, 2014 19:42
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1sg: Why are you still here -name- Me: Mr such and such has yet to give me a new government ticket or sign my leave forum. 1sg: Were about to get our fill, youll need to stay in the cadre barracks for 2 weeks or so. Me to Cap: Sir, 1sg said I need to speak with you about my orders coming in Cap: talk to the xo. Me to XO: Sir, 1sg told me to talk to cap about orders, cap said to talk to you sir. Xo: Yeah he quit so you need to wait for the new training tech to get your new orders and ticket and leave form. In this case I am the idiot for not just buying a ticket to pcs instead of saying eh itll be a week and ill be on my way. 4 weeks later still waiting.
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Jun 20, 2014 21:34
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Anansi The Spider posted:1sg: Why are you still here -name- its you, you are the idiot for joining the army as grunt in tyol 2014
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Jun 21, 2014 01:53
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When I was deployed I was pretty well known in our lovely rear end flight about my opinion of the Kyrgyz being third world pieces of poo poo who should be culled for the good of everyone but there was one guy who by and far wide hated those shack dwelling kiddie fuckers with a passion I couldn't even approach. Well it was well known among everyone that the Kyrgyz would steal food out of the fridges in the common rooms so I don't know if this dude had just had enough in general or if his food was personally stolen but he decided to take matters into his own hands to deal with this little theft problem. Dumbass started to leave piss bottles in the common room refrigerator. It took about a day before a note ended up on the fridge about leaving piss bottles next to peoples food and how he was retarded and going to get his rear end kicked. Still probably only barely top 5 grossest things I saw that deployment. The weird all ages school that had everything from 5 year olds to a 17 year old with the same name as a Call of Duty villain that had a Hep A outbreak and some ribs showing Ethiopian looking cow eating mud in the schools front yard is up there. Also the time I had a good buzz going from slamming some wine at the bar then going back to the dorms to take a shower and some black dudes just jerkin his poo poo in like the middle of the shower room and he see's me but then just goes right back to jerkin it in the middle of the room and I was to blown away by what was happening I just went into one of the stalls and pulled the curtain then hoped for the rest of the time I was in there he wouldn't rape me. Missed you guys
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Jun 26, 2014 08:14
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The funniest Kyrgyz were the work crews that would We saw one almost lose her eye using a weedwhacker with the big steel brush cutter blade, no debris deflector and no eye protection while cutting shrubs growing out of gravel. Sure enough eventually she dips too low and a huge fuckoff chunk of stone rockets up and smacks her in the eye socket and lays her out. They call her an ambulance even though she was trying to refuse medical attention, then the next day we see her out cutting shrubs with the same poo poo plus about ten stitches a half inch from her eyeball. No eyepro. Doing six months babysitting Kyrgyz was easily the biggest sham shitshow I've ever done. Several times we busted them trying to smuggle boxes of frozen DFAC lobster tails by leaving them in a metal dumpster all day in 106 degree heat until the trash truck came. Then they'd pick the boxes out at the dump and resell them to the local restaurants that made lovely sushi that only the Americans on base bought. For a former Soviet country those bastards got capitalist as gently caress.
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Jun 26, 2014 08:54
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50 Foot Ant posted:Hit an ant on the road? That's a flip. Pretty big ant tho
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Jun 26, 2014 09:25
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Oh yeah good ol' mafia dude, you know he was blind right? The tall white chick on the crew was his niece or some some poo poo. Well anyway she's leading him to the front gate arm in arm and I guess the bitch said something to make him mad because he just winds back and backhands the poo poo out of her face dropping her like a sack of potatoes in front of like half of Security forces and escort flight. Dude gets let on base no problem. The Kyrgyz would always try and fit like 20 people into an 8 PAX van which would smell about as great as you'd imagine. Well I see the blind guy getting driven around in his own loving Escalade so one day I get into his escalade that's sitting at a worksite and he starts yelling at me about how Americans are lazy and don't have respect for anything. I just get all up in the old fat blind guys face and start making fun of his blindness and other physical deformities and going on about how he's just subhuman poo poo and eventually he just kind of slinked off and I went back to chilling. Hearts and minds people.
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Jun 26, 2014 18:29
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I guess with all the weapon losing idiots I'll relate the story in which I am the idiot, and with a twist almost lose every other piece of assigned equipment except my weapon. This was back in 99, I was in training for the weather poo poo I ended up doing for my 9 months in (FDF). We were doing some woodsy poo poo in the grounds a mile of so off barracks to train cooking hydrogen and measuring balloons and whatever other dumb crap we did. I got my leg kind of hosed up one day and had to go get checked out at the med station, so of course what I do is I leave my entire kit in the squad tent and just grab my rifle to go see the docs. I end up having minor surgery and staying at the hospital for three or four days. By this time of course our entire woodsy poo poo has ended and I get back to barracks. I notice all my poo poo is just gone, so I rocket out the door and limp full tilt to where we were camped. Sure enough my ruck with all the poo poo I was assigned is just leaning against the tree where our tent used to be. I somehow managed to sneak back in and store all my poo poo without the quartermaster seeing me, but goddamn that scared the poo poo out of me at the time. I ended up yelling a bit at my squad mates for leaving my poo poo out there when they left, but in the end it was my poo poo and I was the dumbass. e: Speaking of dumb military poo poo when I was actually stationed at the weather station getting new hydrogen can shipments from mainland was always a hoot. We were on a tiny island and everything got shipped in. We'd put the empty cans on the ship and take out the full ones. Now the reason why this is kind of interesting is because there were no real roads on the island, and our only vehicles were a couple of 40 year old rusty russian UAZ jeep thingies. So of course we just tossed the hydrogen canisters in the back with no securing and one of us sat on top of them to make them not move around so much. Which wasn't super useful when the "roads" were best described as goat paths and the weather LT was a loving maniac going full tilt with the stupid lovely vehicle all the time. I remember remarking that this seemed a bit unsafe to him once and he just said something to the tune of "Ehh, if one of the cans breaches you probably won't even have time to notice it, so why care." Nurge fucked around with this message at 20:45 on Jun 29, 2014 |
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Jun 29, 2014 20:29
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Nostalgia4ColdWar fucked around with this message at 02:33 on Mar 31, 2017 |
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Jun 30, 2014 20:52
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50 Foot Ant posted:wall of text If you want anybody to read your stuff, trim it down & only relate one embellished story per post.
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Jul 1, 2014 00:24
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tuluk posted:If you want anybody to read your stuff, trim it down & only relate one embellished story per post. nigga hush, you just lazy
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Jul 1, 2014 00:28
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tuluk posted:If you want anybody to read your stuff, trim it down & only relate one embellished story per post. Didn't stop me from reading it.
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Jul 1, 2014 00:29
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EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:nigga hush, you just lazy true. lazy as hell...and I think 50FA told those stories twice now.
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Jul 1, 2014 00:31
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tuluk posted:true. lazy as hell...and I think 50FA told those stories twice now. I'm reading through the thread from the beginning, and I'm around 20 pages from the end here. He did tell a ton of stories on page 39, but none were the same ones here. Just the same setting.
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Jul 1, 2014 02:21
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tuluk posted:true. lazy as hell...and I think 50FA told those stories twice now. So what if he did? They're good stories.
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Jul 1, 2014 03:40
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Thump! posted:So what if he did? They're good stories. Agreed. I never understood some of the hate 50FA gets for his stories. I love them.
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Jul 1, 2014 03:46
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I feel like all of 50FA stories are well told bullshit but there's a tiny part of me that knows it's still pretty feasible knowing how goddamn retarded the military is and the complete loving lunacy that was the cold war military
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Jul 1, 2014 03:47
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