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I've gone through this with my ex-boyfriend until recently: He would play Final Fantasy XIV (MMORPG) for hours without pause and would not react to me or bitch at me that he's busy. We've been living together for over 3 years now and in the last year he drifted into MMORPG addiction, when he would ditch me for raids, almost never have time when I wanted to do something with him and scream at me when I would talk to him while he plays. In the end I couldn't take it anymore so I broke up with him, because it really hurt that some game and the people he met there were more important to him than me. I would like to know about others' experiences with lovers, friends and family that got into online games and the whole thing turned into an addiction. It doesn't matter if it was an MMORPG or a shooter multiplayer or something else. How did you notice that they're addicted, did you try to help them and did they get out of it in the end? Maybe you were addicted yourself, how did you get out or why won't you?
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Oct 4, 2014 22:54
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MMORPG addiction is odd. MMORPGs in general tap in to the whole self-actualization desire by offering something that's easy to master and that rewards you constantly for doing mindless mundane garbage- and worse, surround you with people that reinforce it as being an okay and valid use of your time. Usually people grow out of it by realising what they've lost as a result of spending so much time playing a game they don't find fun for rewards that mean next to nothing, but a few will just armor themselves up with denial and become those 40 year old basement dwellers whose entire lives revolve around WoW or FF14 or whatever other lovely MMO is in vogue. You generally know if it's become an addiction because it'll start consuming other aspects of life and personally feel like it's a compulsion and demands time rather than simply being a fun pastime or timesink. Personally, when I was a teenager (quite a few years ago now) I had a moment of clarity where I realised that every action you take in an MMORPG boils down to incrementing a number. If you don't find the journey either challenging or rewarding, then the destination is most likely not going to be satisfying- and putting yourself through hours and hours of tedium for the sake of a +1 somewhere is idiotic, doubly so if it encroaches on other things that are actually worth doing. Even that was pretty devastating to acknowledge, your ex is going to be a wreck for quite some time no matter what. E/N addendum: It's going to hit him like a truck once he realises what just happened and what he's lost as a consequence, and it's going to send him one of two ways- long-time state of denial or a short sharp rehabilitating shock- but you're not responsible for his poo poo any more. Having said that, you may well be one of the last connections he broke off, so if it's not too painful then allow him to come to you (if he wakes up). Do not under any circumstances let him back into your life besides talking until you're 100% sure a) he's acutely aware of his addiction's effects on you and b) he's actually done with MMORPGs. The reason I'm not saying SEVER SEVER SEVER is because if he comes to you and asks for your help, it means that you are more important to him than the game, and the relationship may be salvageable if that's what you want.
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Oct 5, 2014 20:47
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Hello Intoner. I noticed you mentioned this concern over in the "How I met my SO thread". I'm sorry for your loss. I've been a heavy gamer my whole life, but I've never been addicted to them. The same can't be said for my sister's husband though. We don't really have a lot in common, but I had introduced him to League of Legends some time ago and he really got into it. I called him up to see if he wanted to play a few months ago and he told me he had been addicted to it and was being neglectful of his kids and other household responsibilities, so my sister had insisted he uninstall it. I can see how things could have been much worse if he had put up a fuss about it, but he agreed that he needed to get his priorities in order and so he only plays games that are short or at least have a pause button. The inability to pause a raid in MMO's and online-only games like Destiny is a big issue for anyone trying to be in a relationship. You can only devote your time to one at the exclusion of all else. I'm sorry your boyfriend didn't pick you.
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Oct 5, 2014 21:44
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I have certainly been there. For me it was at one point an emotional crutch to help get me through some pretty hard times and for me it was heavily linked to self esteem issues at the time. I felt that by playing the game (World of Warcraft was my vice) I was achieving something of worth, something people would be jealous of, meanwhile my whole life went to poo poo around me accelerated by the isolation the MMO addiction fed. It took me a very long time to accept myself as a person outside the game. To slowly achieve small things in the real world worth being proud of, usually though brunt willpower as I wanted nothing to do with the real world at the time. It's a very unhealthy state to be in, that addiction. As it is I started getting out a bit. I made a friend or two, and eventually it felt like really what I was achieving in the MMO, the things I based my entire self worth on, were really just meaningless numbers in a game. From there things have improved. I can no longer play WoW at all, it still has a pull on me I don't want to return to, and I doubt I will ever have a healthy relationship with video games without a lot of self control and friends around me to help me by telling me when it's going too far. I currently don't play any video games, have taken up learning some new life skills such as cooking. If your ex boyfriend doesn't want help, doesn't want to get out, there is honestly nothing that can be done. No amount of consideration, tolerance, patience or impatience will change this fact. He has a long road ahead of him, I do hope he can find a way out. The world is so much more beautiful when you're not viewing it through a computer screen.
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Oct 6, 2014 12:20
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Interesting topic since for me I went through this during a phase of my life after getting my first job out of college. Bought a house, lived alone and played COD from the time I got home from work to the time I went to bed. Figured it worked as say a modern way of interaction of friends, online or not and kept that up for a couple of years. I was incredibly good at capture the flag and just went along that as my normal healthy activity. Gained a lot of weight, didn't make any local friends outside of some work acquaintances. In short it was a pretty depressing life. Might have been around the time MW2 or 3 came out, but got a jarring experience where my tuned skills just didn't apply to it as well and looking back a good thing was starting to fracture with the online friends I had. After a lot for reflection I started to realize I could either have a life of gaming alone or something else that was better. I chose the route to try to build something better. Started going the online dating route, after an attempt or two I eventually met my now wife. 3-4 years later I have a son and really suck at gaming. As a tech geek growing up and avid gamer, I'm now of the mindset that gaming in generally is a very slippery slope. There is a fine line between healthy gaming and being able to seperate to do things in a normal life and spiraling out of control where you can't do anything else besides game. I'm still kind of disappointed that I can't pickup games as easily as I could in the past, but getting back to your question I'm not sure gaming to an extreme extent can coexist with a healthy relationship. Kind of want to kick my own younger self's butt to have realized that sooner, but glad it happened when it did.
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Oct 6, 2014 17:34
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My ex was addicted to WoW even though he would have sworn up-and-down that he wasn't. We met at a party. He was visiting from out-of-town. We hit it off immediately and saw each other several times before he left. Then we took turns flying out to see each other and finally he moved in with me after about 7 months. The first few months were pretty great. Since he was less busy than I was, he offered to take all the household chores. He kept the apartment spotless and took great care of my cat. I would come home from work or school and there he was at his desk typing away with his guildmates. At first I didn't mind because I was playing too and we used it as a way to socialize without spending much money, but my interest waned while his grew. After about 8 months living together, it got to the point where he lost his job over being constantly late from playing WoW and losing track of time. He immediately found another job but then refused to go in for the first day of work. Why? Because he had a guild event that he "absolutely couldn't miss." In fact I think he had pretty severe untreated anxiety issues. He constantly self-sabotaged. WoW at least provided a sandbox where failure was only temporary so it became a respite. He felt incredibly inadequate in real life, so WoW became his refuge and he retreated into it. He even started getting into the RP and writing fan fiction about his WoW character. He lost all sense of real world responsibility about this time. The cat, who he was supposed to feed and clean up after, went unfed and the litterbox was overflowing. My ex's hygiene got significantly worse and he would leave piles of leftover food around the apartment. His snacks of choice were nasty cheap chocolate ice cream and chicken nuggets washed down with red gatorade (he dipped the chicken nuggets in the ice cream). Needless to say, he gained a ton of weight. He'd yell at me if I interrupted his game. He never wanted to go anywhere. If I had guests, he'd lock himself in the bedroom playing WoW on his laptop and told me to tell everyone he was sick. I tried to get him to change. I scheduled therapy sessions for both him and us together and he refused to go, or he would go but then refuse to talk about anything substantive with the doctor. He also steadfastly refused medication. I tried to get him to work out with me and eat better, but he hated my cooking and he said going to the gym made him self-conscious. I tried lots of other things: limiting game time, clubs, sports teams, etc. Basically, I tried a whole slew of things and every single thing wasn't good enough for him. After a year living together, I took stock of where we were. I was working 2 jobs and going to school full time to support myself and him while he was working part-time in this sketchy thing "for a guildmate." Needless to say, I dumped him. He was furious. He threw a gatorade bottle at me and it hit me in the head, I ended up calling the cops, and that was the last I ever saw of him. Two of his friends/guildmates came and grabbed his stuff the next day while my dad monitored them. This was about 3 years ago now. I googled his rather unique name and found his Facebook a few days ago. He's a fat, broke sack of poo poo still. I wish he would get the help he needs, I did really love him at one point.
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Oct 7, 2014 02:01
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Rosalind posted:(he dipped the chicken nuggets in the ice cream) That's pretty much the tits right there.... I'd choose vanilla over chocolate though.
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Oct 7, 2014 02:24
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OP, just a heads up... the game was more important to him than you were, so why do you think that was?
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Oct 7, 2014 21:59
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That's true, you really get into MMORPGs if you find other people that talk you into playing it more and more. My ex wasn't playing that much FFIV at the beginning, only a few hours a week, it really started when he started talking to other players via Skype that he would play for many hours every day. I've never liked them from the start because all of them are either, jobless, still in school or mentally ill, so they had a lot of time on their hands - though my ex had an 8 hour job from Monday to Friday - and they would always talk him into staying up late or making arrangements for multihour-long contents. It got so bad that I had to sleep in another room because I didn't want to be tired every day at work myself and I couldn't take the same background music over and over again. I have to say that I played an MMORPG for some time too, but only few hours at the weekend and then I found it boring pretty quickly as you do the same things over and over again. I'm still playing other video games, but there's no pressure from others in playing them and I have other hobbies. I broke up with him a few weeks ago but we still live together as I don't have the money at the moment to find a new home anytime soon. So everytime I hear him playing it makes me sad to know what has become of us. It happened two days ago that I screamed at him at two 2 AM that I want to sleep already and he has work the next day too but still could hear him talking loudly with his online "friends". He bitched back at me but went to sleep after that at least. Then yesterday was a big surprise when he asked me if we could do something at the evening. Not that he wants to get together with me, just as friends. I was sceptical at first but then we went grocery shopping together, watched TV and talked about our day. It was really nice to spend time with him, just before we went to sleep he checked back on his online "friends" but didn't start playing and went to bed. We will see how long this lasts though, I'm sure he'll be playing again these days, but at least he took the initiative to spend some time away from the console. I have some friends that play League of Legends too, but they still get their poo poo done despite of that. My other ex though seems to play it without any restrictions and he neglects his studies for it too. But I couldn't care less about him, he's a real a**hole. It's great that your sister's husband got out of it and set his priorities straight. Games that can save and pause are easier to manage and not so time-consuming. And thanks, I hope he might wake up someday. Thank you very much for sharing your story. You've done great to get out of this of your own free will. Did you ask for help or did you make it alone back to the real world? It's inspiring to read how well you did after you wanted to build something better. You might miss the gaming from time to time but I think having a family is much more rewarding than any game achievement could be. Maybe your son will be a gamer too and since you know it better you can prevent him from bad decisions and be his guide. Thank you very much for telling us about your experience. It makes me sad to read about all your efforts to save your relationship with your ex. You're much stronger than me for trying so long, it's terrible that he didn't appreciate it. It all ended on such a bitter tone too, you're really off better without him. Well I've thought about that too. Every time we argued he told me that I'm still important to him, but then he would went off to play for some hours. When he started with FFIV he asked me to play too but I always said that I don't like MMORPGs. I used to sit next to him and watch him play for some time but after some weeks it got boring and I did other things while he played. Maybe he missed playing an MMORPG together with me (we played Ragnarok Online a few years ago) so he searched for other people he could talk to and after he found his new online "friends" it all went down-hill. Maybe I should have tried harder to get him away from their influence but when he started to turn me down I backed away from him too and when I tried it again after some time it was already too late and he wouldn't listen anymore.
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Oct 8, 2014 11:07
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Intoner posted:stuff Addiction is a really lovely thing and hard to deal with whether it be MMOs or ESPN or gambling or heroin or whatever. I've lost friends/roommates to that WOW when I would come home from work and they would constantly be playing and not want to talk to me or do anything. There is usually a root cause that needs to be addressed and dealt with. (Not to derail but I say this as a recovering alcoholic who has been clean for 2 years 18 days because it really started affecting my marriage and relationships I had to take stock. I am much happier, healthier, and a better person as a result). It's surprising but you see some of the very same patterns in ANY addiction. If it makes you feel any better there are worse stories, Rosalind's is really sad given all that she (he?) went through to try to save it. Letting your pets live in filth, dipping chicken nuggets in ice cream wtf that is disgusting. Given what you just posted there is hope but you are the healthy one here.. the only way you can convince anyone to do anything is by making them want to do it.
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Oct 8, 2014 13:37
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I can't say that games destroyed my relationship with my ex, but they played a part, and the situation was pretty similar to what is being described here. We dated throughout university (17-21), so immaturity didn't help either. First it was WOW, then Eve Online, and probably other stuff that I can't remember. I never enjoyed video games, and with them becoming increasingly more complex, I liked them even less. So it wasn't something we could bond over. It ended up with us spending our weekends together, him gaming, and me watching TV next to him. I wanted to actually spend time with him, but he talked like gaming was "me" time that he needed. I could have understood that if he wasn't gaming all the time, neglecting his studies. He was living with him mom at the time, so it's not like he had other big obligations, but I found that it stunted him and distracted him from having to make something of his life beside surviving day to day. Plus he was always rather defensive about it. His mom was really sweet, but clinically depressed with hoarder tendencies. Though not necessarily unsanitary, their apartment was always really cluttered. She was a single mom, the dad never in the picture, so they were predictably not well off. As a result, my ex had an inferiority complex that he masked with arrogance. I think he was ambitious, and had high aspirations, but they were not materializing like he wanted them to, and gaming was an escape from that. I don't really know what happened to him after we broke up. As a result, I'm pretty suspicious of video games and I have a hard time viewing that as a worthwhile hobby. Someone mentioned gambling, and to me the two seem very similar. Sure, gambling is fun for a weekend in Vegas, since you see the sights, you're out with friends, gambling here and there. But as soon as you start gambling with any regularity, it just becomes an expensive and time-consuming slippery slope. I actively avoided guys who mentioned gaming in their profile when I was still single and using dating sites. It's probably an unfair general characterization, but so many other interesting things exist that I have a hard time feeling bad about it.
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Oct 8, 2014 15:23
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Bloody Mayhem posted:I can't say that games destroyed my relationship with my ex, but they played a part, and the situation was pretty similar to what is being described here. We dated throughout university (17-21), so immaturity didn't help either. First it was WOW, then Eve Online, and probably other stuff that I can't remember. There's actually a movement that's been running for years now for "Casual games" where you just chill out and put flowers in front of zombies and the like. I play the gently caress out of games, it's my primary hobby and likely always will be. But if I was running off over to my girlfriends house for the afternoon I couldn't actually fathom bringing my games with me and playing them. I'd find something inclusive to do with her like watching a movie. I think this is why I avoid calling myself a "Gamer" despite meeting the criteria. I don't want one of my hobbies dominating my life to the point where I plan my life around my hobby rather than the other way around (Which is the ultimate problem I see whenever someone talks about any addiction). I also have a personality that is prone to addiction which is why I set ground rules, not just for games but books, or movies, or TV shows that I'm particularly hooked on. These ground rules are what keeps the household sane. Just to post my basic rules: 1. I have a bedtime. I need at least 6 hours of sleep to function like a rational adult the next day. It doesn't matter how good the book is, at that point in time it's time for lights out. 2. Mealtime is not hobby time, as a bachelor I had gotten into the habit of eating next to my PC, then when my girlfriend moved in we both got into that habit, no longer. Mealtime is together time. 3. If one of us wants to go do a thing, we go do a thing. Hermiting up inside the house to play games all the time creates weird people. There are of course logical exceptions to the rule: I get skeeved out by certain medical museum displays that she's fascinated by (That one where they have skinned/preserved dead people posed in various ways skeeved me right the gently caress out so no gently caress that not going). There are more rules, but these are the ones we've cooked up that work so far.
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Oct 8, 2014 16:25
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While mine wasn't as bad as some of the others posting in this thread, I was definitely addicted to WoW during a very difficult period in my life. It really is insidious how, when depressed or otherwise having self-esteem issues, the game can fill that need just enough to keep you playing all day. I think the only reason it didn't destroy my relationship is that my fiance enjoyed playing just as much as I did, so it became something we would do together when she wasn't working. Now, after spending a few years living apart and coming to terms with my issues, I still play MMOs, but I'm a lot better about not letting them control my life. I'm currently in school, so I have a good amount of free time for playing, but I also don't let them prevent me from spending time with my fiance. I still play way more than she does, simply because I can afford to stay up half the night and her current work schedule does not allow that. Reading your posts, OP, it seems that he may have realized what he was doing and is trying to make things a little better, but as others have said, without addressing the root causes of the addiction, it's going to be very difficult to wean him off of the game. One suggestion I would make is to try scheduling a set time to do things together where he will not be allowed to play the game at all. If he isn't willing or able to set a schedule that doesn't revolve around the game, then it doesn't really matter how much he tries, he will slip up and get sucked back in, no matter how much he cares about trying to repair his relationship with you. Rhymenoserous posted:Just to post my basic rules: These are totally good. I don't follow 1 and 2 in my relationship since we're living fairly far apart and the majority of our interaction is via Skype/other services like that, but if we agree on doing a thing when we're doing our time together, we do that thing.
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Oct 8, 2014 17:31
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viewtyjoe posted:Reading your posts, OP, it seems that he may have realized what he was doing and is trying to make things a little better, but as others have said, without addressing the root causes of the addiction, it's going to be very difficult to wean him off of the game. One suggestion I would make is to try scheduling a set time to do things together where he will not be allowed to play the game at all. If he isn't willing or able to set a schedule that doesn't revolve around the game, then it doesn't really matter how much he tries, he will slip up and get sucked back in, no matter how much he cares about trying to repair his relationship with you. At the point where he's unwilling to set it aside during scheduled times you pretty much need to come to the realization that you and he don't have a relationship. He has a relationship with a video game, and you are just in the same building. Rhymenoserous fucked around with this message at 17:42 on Oct 8, 2014 |
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Oct 8, 2014 17:38
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Ah, MMO addictions. I'm one of those whose relationships fell foul of it. My ex and I used to play Rift. A lot. Days at a time, 8 - 12 hour stints. We had our computers set up on two adjacent desks. I tanked, she healed, and we had a couple of friendly DPS guys we'd run around with. After a while, something kind of flipped in my head. I lost interest in Rift and, without a solid tank, the little group kind of disintegrated. My ex, and one of the others, moved to GuildWars 2. I'd stopped playing anything by that point, and so I was suddenly in this odd place where the woman I lived with spent 50% of her day doing something completely solitary. She hardly cooked — I did. She was supposed to clean regularly, but I did it. Her sleep schedule went nocturnal; mine didn't. The relationship was essentially over by this point, it was just that neither of us said anything, and she hadn't really noticed. For her MMOs were a solution to her problems. They represented a safe world, with clear goals, attainable goals, and little to no repercussions for failure. Progression was direct and obvious. In real life, she is an anxiety-ridden mess who finds it hard to leave the house most days, and will go to absurd lengths to avoid doing anything she can't get someone else to do. She refuses to address these problems, preferring instead to retreat into whichever MMO is currently absorbing her. Eventually I told her that a relationship where I did 95% of everything, and that lacked physical intimacy because of hosed up sleep schedules was no relationship at all, and I was ending it. She moved out four months later to chase the Rift guildmaster. That went badly, and now she plays ArcheAge all day. I feel for her, but not overmuch — she never took the help that was offered, by anyone. We're still friends, but I barely game anymore — I have about four or five unfinished games on the go, and I keep buying stuff on the Steam sales I never play!
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Oct 8, 2014 17:41
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I can join in, but with a fun twist. I started going out with a girl I met on okcupid back in 2008, we moved in together sometime in 2009. She was pretty nerdy but didn't have her computer so things were fine at first. Then she picked up a laptop and started playing and being addicted to wow. What made it hurt more was that she was playing with her ex in another state, whom she still had feelings for. She probably cybered with him a bunch and I caught her having phone sex with him once. Then she decided to break things off with me when she met some prince of wow, spent money to move him halfway across the country and her life has been absolute poo poo ever since. Hes now way more addicted than she ever was, is verbally abusive, gained weight, smokes weed and is generally a lovely person. All she does is complain about him doing nothing all day and not earning money. Shes never said so but I also imagine she feels she cant break up with him because she moved him here and shes basically his mommy. I once got a few "im gonna kill myself for real this time" texts from her when it got bad. Shits messed up. Cage fucked around with this message at 18:35 on Oct 8, 2014 |
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Oct 8, 2014 18:30
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Intoner posted:Thank you very much for sharing your story. You've done great to get out of this of your own free will. Did you ask for help or did you make it alone back to the real world? It was at a time where I started seeing a ton of my old classmates either getting married or having children, which made me reflect that something was seriously wrong. Bit of depression but it wasn't hard to reconnect and build friendships again. Lots of Yelp meets in my city during that time, even started going to a few reddit gatherings just to meet people. Ended up getting back into shape and going the OKCupid route for dating. Time from stopping gaming to my first date was like 8 months or so. Not quick and easy but in the whole scheme of things didn't take forever to turn it around. And going down the gaming path will help guide my decisions with raising my son. My parents had nothing comparable to online gaming to know what was good or bad for me. I don't want to be the dad that forces their kids to all books and no TV, but I suppose I'll need to see what things are like in 10-12 years when he starts to get into that stuff. A big part of me is hoping online gaming morphs into smaller iOS games for more quick sessions vs game consoles or PCs that need way more time dedicated to them. With sales in some areas declining to cell phone or tablet gaming it seems to be moving that way but who knows.
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Oct 8, 2014 19:02
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Cage posted:I once got a few "im gonna kill myself for real this time" texts from her when it got bad. Shits messed up. "Stop texting me, you made your decisions."
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Oct 8, 2014 19:36
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Thank you all for your stories, they're very interesting and I'll try to learn from them. There are already some advices and experiences that I'll definitely keep in mind for the future. No, at the moment I don't want to have a relationship with my ex, but I still like him and want him to get out of this. I've tried to help him, but after months there was no change and he buried himself only deeper into the MMO, so I made a point and broke up with him. When HE decides that he wants to change, I'll be there for him, but only as a friend. Some things have been said and done that pretty much killed any romantic feelings I had for him.. maybe they will come back someday when he's out of this, maybe not. That's pretty hosed up, I hope you're over her. Don't let her pull you down with her messages, she's betrayed you and left for some douchebag so she better not ask for your sympathy now. dietcokefiend posted:It was at a time where I started seeing a ton of my old classmates either getting married or having children, which made me reflect that something was seriously wrong. Bit of depression but it wasn't hard to reconnect and build friendships again. Lots of Yelp meets in my city during that time, even started going to a few reddit gatherings just to meet people. Ended up getting back into shape and going the OKCupid route for dating. Time from stopping gaming to my first date was like 8 months or so. Not quick and easy but in the whole scheme of things didn't take forever to turn it around. 8 months don't seem to long compared to the years you've spent with gaming before, so I think you've recovered pretty fast. And true, in 10 years there might be more ways to spend free time, maybe things we can't imagine right now. I fear it will be getting harder to teach children the right priorities. There are more and more games coming to mobile phones and no day passes without me seeing couples on the train or restaurant, both not noticing the other, totally absorbed into their smart phones, ocassionally nodding to each other..
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Oct 8, 2014 22:06
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Intoner posted:That's pretty hosed up, I hope you're over her. Don't let her pull you down with her messages, she's betrayed you and left for some douchebag so she better not ask for your sympathy now. edit: Also her boyfriend is a goon and might be reading this. You're a dick, hth. Cage fucked around with this message at 17:46 on Oct 9, 2014 |
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Oct 9, 2014 15:07
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I used to be heavily addicted to MMOs while I was in college during the first half of the 2000's. It greatly affected my schoolwork and my relationships. I'd regularly skip class and ditch plans with my girlfriend or friends to just sit in my room and play games. I was more worried about buying a new computer and playing Final Fantasy XI than I was about visiting my girlfriend over one summer; that relationship didn't last much longer after that. I failed quite a few classes and had to take summer classes to make up for all the time I pissed away into games. Eventually I just had to snap out of it and realize how much time I was wasting and what I was doing to myself and everyone around me. I've been doing way better since then and I've managed to get to a point where I can play games without having them take over my life. In that time, I graduated, got some really great jobs, moved out of my mother's house, got married, and moved a couple times. Games in general are still a hobby but they no longer encompass my life, and I can now control myself with normally addictive things like MMOs. OP, I'm sorry to hear your ex got sucked into FFXIV so hard. I've been playing FFXIV for a few months, and I can say from experience that it's perfectly possible to just walk away from the game at any point without missing out on anything. The game is designed with solo play in mind; grouping is only really required for certain content, and most of it is easy enough to complete with random players. Finding groups is also easy as hell since the game automatically does that for you. The game provides plenty of ways to get quick shots of progress without wasting all your time grinding. All that being said, it's still possible to let yourself get sucked into it. I've had a day here or there to myself where I've just binged for several hours. But the difference is that before I allow myself to play for that long, I get my real life adult poo poo done first. Clean the house, take out the trash, mow the lawn, update my resume... whatever has to get done. I also take a break at least once an hour to stay connected with reality. And I never feel like I'm forced to binge, like I am going to fall behind in the game if I don't do this right now. Oh, and I'm also married, so spending time with my wife always comes before my games. I only play during "me time" which is usually early morning before I leave for work and my wife is still in bed. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that your ex could have at least cut back his playtime, if he really cared about your relationship. He could have made it work, but he decided the game was more important. That's very sad to hear. DizzyBum fucked around with this message at 17:00 on Dec 25, 2014 |
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Oct 9, 2014 17:07
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I lost an important relationship for various issues, one of which was gaming. Not MMOS, but retro games, believe it or not. Not only did I play games an inordinate amount, I spent a lot of time on ebay window shopping, and reading/posting in a games forum until the wee hours of the morning. It would have been nice to save that money/time to do more fun things together. Eventually we broke up, and I ebayed my collection. But! That (the ebaying) was only after I put myself in further debt to build a new PC, and got into WoW. Traded one addiction for another. If she wasn't gone already, she definitely would've peaced out then, as I immersed myself in the game quite heavily. There's more to my story but I don't feel like typing it, and I doubt anyone wants to read it.
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Oct 9, 2014 17:44
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Ofecks posted:There's more to my story but I don't feel like typing it, and I doubt anyone wants to read it. You are correct.
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Oct 9, 2014 21:32
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I broke up with a girl in 8th grade so I could play Quake more. NO REGRETS, Quake owned.
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Oct 9, 2014 22:24
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Not a relationship or a personal story but I have watched two close friends get addicted to online games during college, one failed two classes last year and if he does graduate it will happen a year later than expected while the other guy was using it as a crutch after breaking up a year long relationship. Both were addicted to Minecraft at one point, one went over to Rust/Day-Z while the other is playing some one on one online card game. I myself tend to stay away from gaming as I did have an addiction to Runescape quite a few years back, I was younger so it did not affect my social life much. My only regret was not selling the account for a few thousand dollars when I quit, seems new management implemented new features that seems to have pissed quite a few people off while trying to make it a pay-to-win genre.
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Oct 9, 2014 23:40
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So, I guess I'm the exception, but my life ended up pretty awesome due to my MMO addiction. I dropped out of college, and was playing WoW while waiting tables for rent money. I was playing from waking to sleep time, server first raiding guild, rank 14 in PvP, Gladiator when arena launched. I saw a job posting for becoming a GM for WoW, applied, got the job, moved, and started working for Blizzard. I started off as a GM, was dating the same girl I had been for years, she moved in with me in the new city. I worked my way up while still raiding and playing every free moment outside of work. Eventually I just kinda lost interest, broke up with the girlfriend because she couldn't move on from MMOs, and have continued to move up within the industry at different companies, and am currently on a business trip in an awesome foreign country, getting paid 6 figures while working in Live Services for one of the largest games companies in the world. Dreams really do come true! P.s. You're ex probably won't have this happen to him. P.p.s. Move out. There is nothing worse than still living with your ex. P.p.p.s. Unless the sex is really good, and it is somehow not awkward.
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Oct 10, 2014 02:36
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Not really the exception since you broke up with your ex because she played too much, which is the point of this thread.
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Oct 10, 2014 03:14
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Doom Rooster posted:Dreams really do come true! This is the most unlikely story I've ever heard, and if true, something really, really terrible is going to happen to you later.
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Oct 10, 2014 03:51
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My last relationship involved gaming addiction on both sides. My ex partner is an extremely talented gamer, and is pretty good at virtually anything he plays, whether a solo strategy game or a team FPS game. He's played in national competitions for one particular game. Where it becomes relevant though, is when he introduced me to MMORPGs. I quickly became hooked, and we spent nights and weekends playing together and with others. I tried to keep some semblance of a normal life, but I was in my last, very stressful, year of uni and then first year of real work. I was prone to depression and gaming became a good escape. We stopped seeing our friends, the condition of our house deteriorated until it looked like some hoarder's paradise. Both of us put on weight, and scarcely ever ate healthy. The relationship itself struggled along and nearly spluttered out a few times. Eventually, I got bored with the games and tried to move on. To be fair, my ex did too, to an extent, but by that point our relationship had been almost virtual for a year or so. We were enabling each other, really, in gaming, in not exercising, and in eating awfully. It was toxic, for both of us. The games didn't actually kill the relationship - instead my ex had a protracted affair with someone from his work. I ended it after finding out. I was devastated at the time, and he came clean and wanted me back. However, even though I didn't think so at the time, at that point, a breakup was like putting a wounded animal out of its misery. The worst part of the gaming addiction was how much of a crutch it was to real life. I looked like poo poo, felt like poo poo, and the game felt like an escape. But it wasn't. It was enabling my lovely lifestyle. The breakup was good for me - it made me take stock and stand on my own two feet. Four years later, I now have a better job, have learnt healthy stress management, and have lost a lot of weight from running and healthy eating. I live in a nice place, and am next weekend moving into an amazing new apartment with my new partner, who is not a gamer at alI. I now play games an average of an hour a month. I'm a lot happier now. Morale of the story - online gaming will make a bad relationship worse.
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Oct 12, 2014 11:26
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seacat posted:It's surprising but you see some of the very same patterns in ANY addiction. It really is, I've struggled with substance abuse for years and it's crazy to me how similar mmo addiction sounds. Honestly I kind thought of "video game addiction" being an exaggerated term but from what I've seen in this thread, it's apparently not. I don't really have much to add here but when my ex girlfriend left me because of my drug addiction, I did still really love her, I just couldn't stop myself from getting hosed up. OP, maybe it's a similar situation with your ex, just replace catching a nod with finding legendaries or whatever it is you do in WOW.
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Oct 13, 2014 01:02
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lol people get addicted to GAMES? hahaha what the hell.
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Oct 13, 2014 01:14
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opus111 posted:lol people get addicted to GAMES? hahaha what the hell. You just don't get it man, digital entertainment for kids is like basically the same thing as black tar heroin
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Oct 13, 2014 21:35
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My story is a bit more dark, thanks to Second Life. For a while I would just fly around and harrass the people that created horse penises but one day I stumbled upon a shrine dedicated to Pokemon porn. I don't know wht attracted me to it but I'd visit it daily, gazing at the Pokemon in incriminating positions for hours on end. I don't know if it was because I only viewed the game as innocent childs play or what Anyways I was doing a normal, every day viewing of the shrine and my then girlfriend walks in and I rememeber this part really well, I was staring at a picture of Charizard's gaping vagina and anus and she walked in and was just completely taken back by it despite me trying to explain to her that I still found her attractive despite not having a tail or orange skin but needless to say it destroyed my relationship as she dumped me that night.
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Oct 13, 2014 21:44
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Jewigi posted:My story is a bit more dark, thanks to Second Life. For a while I would just fly around and harrass the people that created horse penises but one day I stumbled upon a shrine dedicated to Pokemon porn. I don't know wht attracted me to it but I'd visit it daily, gazing at the Pokemon in incriminating positions for hours on end. I don't know if it was because I only viewed the game as innocent childs play or what I literally cannot tell if this is a fakepost.
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Oct 13, 2014 22:30
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opus111 posted:lol people get addicted to GAMES? hahaha what the hell. You can get addicted to literally anything. In the case of games, though, they're very effective Skinner boxes, in the case of MMORPGs. People get addicted to the good feelings they get when they progress. It's an easy trap to fall into for some, in that if your life is going nowhere but your level 80 Paladin is ranked like 7 on the server and everybody wants you in their raid team suddenly you became important. At that point playing WoW feels good but real life does not.
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Oct 13, 2014 22:55
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I never quite understood how a person could put that much time into an MMO. In almost every game since WoW the leveling grind takes a few weekends, and the endgame requires 7-39 friends and so only happens a couple nights a week. There isn't really much to do once you've leveled a character up and gone raiding for the day. The real commitment of 'hardcore' MMO-life was scheduling in three nights a week for 2-4 hours. Which isn't to say that I didn't play with a bunch of people who were on 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. I just couldn't figure out what they were doing.
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Oct 14, 2014 04:12
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Foolie posted:I never quite understood how a person could put that much time into an MMO. In almost every game since WoW the leveling grind takes a few weekends, and the endgame requires 7-39 friends and so only happens a couple nights a week. There isn't really much to do once you've leveled a character up and gone raiding for the day. The real commitment of 'hardcore' MMO-life was scheduling in three nights a week for 2-4 hours. The same thing, just more of it.
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Oct 14, 2014 04:33
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Foolie posted:I never quite understood how a person could put that much time into an MMO. In almost every game since WoW the leveling grind takes a few weekends, and the endgame requires 7-39 friends and so only happens a couple nights a week. There isn't really much to do once you've leveled a character up and gone raiding for the day. The real commitment of 'hardcore' MMO-life was scheduling in three nights a week for 2-4 hours. Well yea, but the yellow sword doesn't look nearly as cool as the purple sword which is just a close second to the BLUE SWORD, so you gotta get em all. And the space wizard's raid gear space robes look badass, but I sort of need badass space wizard robes with the +Heavy Ammo modifier, and then lightening bolt going down the side so when I take my space wizard to the space ball in the social hub, I gets tons and tons of space, man vagina. Dem bitches ain't going to suck off just anyone and surely not if your space pants and space shirt are not color coordinated.
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Oct 14, 2014 08:36
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These games, and WoW especially, are so devilishly designed, there's always another reward just around the corner. You're always just an hour away from the next achievement, or from gathering the mats you need, and then creating the next thing to skill up, and then you have some more recipes to play with, and then you're at the auction house. Or there's some quick PvP to get another few tokens to get rep up with whoever. And the hundred rep grinds, which you can always do just a little bit of now. I was never addicted to it, but I understand people who are. It's so easy to lose time and you're always so close to achieving the next thing. Anyways, one trick I heard: Join a hacked server with all the cheat codes enabled. Where you can give yourself any weapon, any achievement, any title, any mount. Some people have said that that broke them of their addiction. At least that particular addiction.
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Oct 14, 2014 09:47
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lifg posted:Anyways, one trick I heard: Join a hacked server with all the cheat codes enabled. Where you can give yourself any weapon, any achievement, any title, any mount. Some people have said that that broke them of their addiction. At least that particular addiction. I don't know about that, because from what I saw the addiction didn't come from actually getting those achievements or rewards, but from showing them off too other people.
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Oct 14, 2014 10:54
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