- Inevitable
- Jul 27, 2007
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by Ralp
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That sounds like a cool thing to do and I was thinking about trying it myself. does anyone here have Any hints or tips for success?
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Oct 23, 2014 18:32
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- Adbot
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Mar 29, 2024 12:25
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- DisposableHero
- Feb 25, 2005
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bah weep granna weep ninny bong
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Start small.
Actually nevermind I think you've got that covered.
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Oct 23, 2014 18:33
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- Fagmaster
- Aug 21, 2004
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anyone remember in what thread was the cum vase in?
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Oct 23, 2014 18:34
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- Inevitable
- Jul 27, 2007
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by Ralp
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here's the thread I read. Pro-click, it is good to remember our glorious history
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2409555
quote:When I met my girlfriend, she seemed like a perfect match. She appeared to be a deep and caring person who could look past the physical handicaps I have. You see, I suffer from two severe abnormalities. The abnormalities, located in my chest region and gravely serious (gynecomastia and galactorrhea), severely damaged my chances of finding friendship and made me sort of antisocial. The day I met her, I practically skipped home.
I have some weird brain things, and I'm a bit of a packrat. This sort of helps to explain some of my motivations, I think. A few years ago I read a post on SA describing someone keeping their semen in a water bottle. I don't remember the exact circumstances surrounding this somewhat disgusting hobby/collection, but I was sort of intrigued. I wondered how long it would take, with my regular schedule, to fill up a water bottle with my semen. It wasn't really a sex thing to me; I was just curious as to how long it'd take to fill up. I kept it hidden deep under my bed and surrounded it with shoeboxes, magazines, and anything else disposable I could find, and I only brought it out when I... erm, "relieved" myself.
Now, I'd say me and my girlfriend had been dating for a little over a year when she decided to move in. She was having some trouble at home, so I felt the least I could do was accommodate her. At this point, the bottle was probably halfway full and had a strange smell to it, but I didn't worry too much because she wasn't sleeping in my bedroom and even if she went in there, it would be incredibly hard to find unless you were looking something.
And therein laid the one, fatal flaw that ruined everything.
Apparently she "lost" something, and went through my room while I was visiting my grandmother. She got pretty far under my bed and found my little experiment. When I got home, she had this completely ludicrous look of disgust on her face and just started yelling about "WHAT THE HELL'S THIS" and "GOD IF THIS IS WHAT I THINK IT IS". I was incredibly embarrassed, but I knew if I was going to come out of the situation cool, I had to act as if I was more offended than her. I knew that I had to act that she was the one in the wrong (which she pretty much was).
I lunged at her and screamed some sort of weird combination of "WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU?! IS IT THAT BIG OF A DEAL?! WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO GO THROUGH MY PROPERTY?! CHILL OUT, BITCH!" She threw the bottle down, it cracked, and then she just stormed out of my house like that was the end.
It's been a day and she won't stop calling me. I know she probably wants to break up, but I am also certain that I can fix this. I mean, obviously nothing's going to work out in the long-term, but I can't leave this relationship without banging her at least once. So I have to ask you goons how you think I can fix this. Obviously, this seems sort of weird, and you might think I acted somewhat childish, but I didn't do anything wrong. I gave her a house. I have her food. I gave her love. Ignore all the strangeness that seems upsetting out-of-context, and look at this from my perspective.
I'm actually posting this from a fellow goon's house (who has asked to remain anonymous), because I'm afraid she's going to show up at my place before I get a strategy figured out. This whole situation is just utterly ridiculous.
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Oct 23, 2014 18:35
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- Inevitable
- Jul 27, 2007
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by Ralp
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What does it do for a person to have a bottle of jizz? Is it just like you take it out and look at it and think, "Look at all that jizz."
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Oct 23, 2014 18:41
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- LifeSizePotato
- Mar 3, 2005
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What does it do for a person to have a bottle of jizz? Is it just like you take it out and look at it and think, "Look at all that jizz."
the viral youtube prank potential is practically limitless
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Oct 23, 2014 18:46
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- jalopybrown
- Oct 11, 2012
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i dont have a jizz bottle op but id start small with a jar or something and switch to a milk jug so you can pretend it's old milk youve forgot about
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Oct 23, 2014 18:47
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- SirEvelynTremble
- Dec 25, 2013
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FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO
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Keep it in the freezer and if it ever gets found say, "Well I'm worried about getting ball cancer bc that's what killed Great Grampaw Theodore so I'm saving it in case I ever want children"
bonus : sympathy
flaw : can lead to "but I want your kids!"
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Oct 23, 2014 18:53
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- Frisky
- Apr 2, 2012
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What turtle?
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theres lots of hosed up poo poo you can find in the archives.
i remember this thread where a goon dad would rather spend his money on getting the latest pc gear than clothes for his daughter.
he posted a thread wondering why cps would contact him, because letting your 6 years old kid walk alone to school is a normal parental behavior.
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Oct 23, 2014 18:59
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- jalopybrown
- Oct 11, 2012
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quote:Frozen Cumsicle Recipe
1. Clean out an empty 35 mm film container. Make a slit in the lid to accommodate either a popsicle stick or a lollipop stick. The lid will hold the stick in place until the cum freezes.
2. cum into the clean container and immediately when finished put the lid on and put the container into the freezer to keep it fresh.
3. After recovering from the first cum take the film container out of the freezer and carefully remove the lid, being careful not to damage the stick. wank and cuminto the container a second time. Replace the lid and put the container back into the freezer.
Note: If you use a used lollipop stick that still has some candy on the end some of the candy will melt into the creamy cum before freezing occurs.
4. You can repeat the process of cumming into the container however many times is needed to fill it.
5. After the container is full and completely frozen, remove from the freezer and roll the container in your warm hands for a minute, your body heat from your hands will slightly melt the sides and the cumsicle will slide out of the container. You may have to gently squeeze the container slightly while pulling on the stick to remove the cumsicle. Once out you can pop it into your mouth and suck on it like a popsicle or a lollipop. You will be surprised at how good it actually tastes. As the cum melts in your mouth the texture and taste of multiple loads will be the same as when you or your donor shot the loads of cum days prior.
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Oct 23, 2014 19:09
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- SirEvelynTremble
- Dec 25, 2013
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FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO
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quote:But many women insist that diet has major impact on the taste of semen. Former porn actress, Annie Sprinkle, who tasted hundreds of men's semen, says vegetarians taste best, that eating fruit and drinking fruit juices a few hours before sex improves the taste, and that smoking, alcohol, meats, and asparagus make semen less palatable.
Internet discussions agree. Fruit juices are often recommended to sweeten semen, notably, apple and pineapple. Meanwhile, foods reported to foul the taste include Sprinkle's list and others: meats, dairy, deep fried foods, coffee, alcohol, and asparagus (which makes sense because of its well-known ability to alter the aroma of urine), plus one nonfood item, cigarettes.
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Oct 23, 2014 19:13
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- Inexplicable Humblebrag
- Sep 20, 2003
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anyone remember in what thread was the cum vase in?
Got a huge vase with some fake plants in it from a girl I worked with, it became my official "cumvase". There was about 2 inches worth in there by the time I moved out. Saved a lot on buying paper towels though, which was my previous disposal method.
And yes, I left it there. In a closet.
bachelor thread
least goony post in that thread
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Oct 23, 2014 19:15
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Mar 29, 2024 12:25
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