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I wanna fight loving Martello or somebody where is he.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 09:58 |
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# ? Mar 28, 2024 17:18 |
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Judgment! Fast judgin' complete. The winner is Tyrannosaurus. It was fun and funny and a unique take on the prompt and had some nice emotion. Prroooooommmmpt! Oh also. HMs to Sebmojo, Sitting Here and Obliterati. Loser, and the easiest choice Djeser and I had to make, JcDent. A badly written, error riddled tale of nothing happening. DM goes to Beef Steakwell for rewriting a Bible story and doing a very boring job of it.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 10:00 |
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Prompt prompts prompt prompt pomp and circumstance.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 10:02 |
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thsi but in reverse
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 10:02 |
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INTERPROMPT As we left this world behind, I realized I'd forgotten something. 200 words.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 10:12 |
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4/5? Well, can't wait for the next prompt. I don't think there would be that much fun in writing after 5/5 DM/losses. Now, with such grand standing statements, the next one should be either really really good, or give you the next thread title As for interprompt: Calamity Jane brought her 'mech to halt atop a red dune and opened fire with the autocannons. Tracers raced towards the advancing undulating horde of colonists and one of the dinky little rovers exploded in a faint ball of fire, its comically over-sized wheels flying off in any direction. Her radio crackled: "Well, Jane, how do you feel fighting the zombie hordes?" Jane arced a glob of chewed tabacco at the spittoon she had had installed in her cockpit and launched missiles. As high explosives and shrapnel tore through emanciated bodies and dirty dregs of environment suits, she flipped the com switch. "That's bull, Hank, an' you know it. I reckon these fellas just plain forgot what it is to be human, what wit' havin' left good ol' Earth behind".
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 11:55 |
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JcDent posted:Calamity Jane in a piece this short: unless you're making a point of it, don't just grab names from history like this - used like this it's either cliche, or fanfic brought her 'mech vague, I don't understand what a mech is (i do, but why should you expect the reader to?) Describe it, don't reference to a halt atop a red dune and opened fire with the autocannons. this feels like you've got the stats in your head. don't write like an rpg splatbook unless that's what you're writing Tracers raced towards the advancing sebmojo fucked around with this message at 12:22 on Nov 17, 2014 |
# ? Nov 17, 2014 12:16 |
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Interprompt You loving idiot - 138 words As the devil stabbed me with a four-pronged trident, I wondered how my time was so poorly spent so my eternal fate was to suffer this poo poo. Of the many sins I committed, none seemed properly fitted to define me as so truly wicked. And then, as if I could see it, I remembered what was so egregious: I forgot to submit my story to the 'dome. My soul ached for forgiveness and in my state of weakness I prostrated myself at the throne. "Please forgive me," I did moan and the Queen allowed her mercy show, "Rise and know what awaits you. "You have a chance to redo as is outlined in the rules. But know that we don't allow just talk." I nodded solemnly, hope in my eyes. Next time I'm in, I'm in with a
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 12:27 |
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QUICKCRITS, WEEK 119 Cache Cab - Spidersplosion I hope you return to the blood arena someday, because this story wasn't painful to read. Honestly, I wasn't expecting much when I read it, but I got a few grins out of it. Those grins were in spite of some rough prose, though, so you could have used that extra time to polish it up so that instead of a sloppy, fun mess, I could have read a cleaner, more polished fun mess. This wasn't HM quality, but with practice and polish, you could easily write something worthy of the Goofy Cabal of Thunderdome Veterans who Don't Like People Who Post Early. cthonic bell - Something Happened In Russia I didn't find anything technically wrong with the writing here. It was effective, slightly sparse, but caught the lazy commotion after a bombing. The issue was really that I didn't know what happened at the beginning, and I didn't know what happened at the end, or why any of it mattered that much. Of course, we want our protagonists to survive, but I didn't feel any reason why I want that here. The conflict seems to be just that he's waking up after an explosion, which doesn't work all that well to draw me in. Maybe there's some historical context here that I'm missing. In any event, you're one of the better mewling babbies this week. Mercedes - Psyche, I Wrote About Black Satan Again So it starts off with a very Douglas Adams/Terry Gilliam-esque satire of bureaucracy, then your main character falls through the tonal shift and, oh, hey, turns out this is a Black Satan story! Except you don't make a whole lot of use out of him, since he shows up near the end and doesn't do much fun campy Black Satan stuff. This was still fun to read, but it feels kind of rushed--Salem witch comes kind of out of left field, because I got the impression she was a modern woman from everything else. It was still kind of fun and goofy, but other people wrote better, funnier stories this week. thehomemaster - The Apocalypse, But Gay I don't remember much about the writing here, which means it was probably fine. Some of your dialogue was a bit weird ("The world is literally crumbling, Mother Nature is literally putting us to sleep"--too much 'literally' for one thing) but I can sort of get behind the idea of the apocalypse. The main trouble I had is that you've got a bunch of apocalypse tropes, you kinda tug on them all, and then you don't tie them together, so there's just a bunch of tropes dangling around. Why is a natural apocalypse important to these two guys' relationship? If it isn't, why is the nature of the apocalypse in there? Is flying important enough to him to make it the title of the story? Cacto - Robots Just Don't "Get" Us Good starting line. The first part of it sets up an expectation, and the second part of it subverts that expectation and takes it in a new direction. What if robots took over and everyone was cool with it? Unfortunately after that, there are some more typical story beats--lost the job to the robots, okay. I like the idea of people coping with post-scarcity life where no one has to work. Ends on a sad note, obviously. I can't say that's a bad thing, but by the midpoint of the story, it was kind of the thing I was expecting. There were a few points where I had to go back and reread to make sure I got things right, mostly where the perspective shifts a bit between the AI (which I didn't get was the big main AI at first--again, clarity/information issue) and your protagonist. Some good emotions here, but not enough to push it into HM territory. Entenzahn - The One With The Clam Puns I'm betting you want to know whether it was funny, and yeah, it was. Funnier than Merc's. It crosses over a little into goofiness at points, but I can forgive it that for the clam puns you made--plus, there were generally some good ideas in there that went beyond just "calamity, but with clams". Some good, silver agey dumb superhero stuff. Killing villains is super bad though? That struck me as odd at first, just because you hadn't really made it clear that it was taboo to actually kill your villains in this universe/for this hero/whatever. For the kind of simplistic pulp writing style you used, your words were pretty good too. blue squares - Some pretty classical tragic irony there. Your writing itself is pretty good, though as a complete opposite from thehomemaster's story, as I was reading, I wanted to know more about what was happening. Why are there fires and flooding at the same time? How do the firefighters get in to save them if the flooding is happening? Why have they come back to this place that has a special meaning to them? Did they come here before the calamity trapped them or after? The central conflict of your piece works dramatically, but the setting feels odd, like it might have been better suited for something else as opposed to these people in a hotel room. (Also, one more question: do poisons act that quick?) Good words, but the premise left me slightly baffled. Baby Babbeh - Thank God The Cat's Okay After Blue Squares Or I'd Be Really Upset I liked a lot of this, your descriptive paragraphs in particular. You manage to do a lot by describing the water level dropping to that of the kitchen lintel, and the mud as coming up to the level of the girl's height mark on the door frame--it works to put the flood into a very domestic context, and that's perfect, because the flood was literally in their house. The weaker part of the story is when his ex shows up--it took me a little while to figure out she was his ex, because at first I thought maybe she was his daughter, and I wasn't sure. And then there's a lot of back and forth talking and they don't say anything really specific, and that's not as interesting as talking in specifics. All in all, you can feel proud that you're the cream of the crop of newbies this week. In a weaker week, this could have been Honorable Mention for the nice descriptive work (it's tough to get description that works on that many layers) but this week had a lot of really strong players and the weighty Divorced People Kind Of Reconciling Chat dragged you down. Gau - Hey, Djeser Likes Folk Tales I do. And I liked the style and the retelling thing going on here, I thought that was well-executed. The story itself, though, didn't have all that much going for it. The calamity wasn't as much of an inciting conflict as it could have been, and it's mostly a story where they find a pilot dying, then give him a burial at sea, and also there was a fire but their village was spared. With a clearer conflict this could have been a lot better; as it is, it appealed stylistically to me but the content was kind of meh, and I guessed it was planes pretty early on so dancing around it was a bit boring. Well-constructed, but the story didn't live up to the framing device. Jitzu_the_monk - First Place Winner, Relevant Username Competition Of the earlier bunch of stories, this one probably had the tightest plotting. There was a lot going on, and you introduced the characters well enough that you could pull off the plot beats relatively quickly. It was slow to start in the beginning, though--you probably could have cut out some of that. Then again, I've got a low tolerance for marketing professionals. Aside from that, this is another one that would have been higher in a weaker week, but it's still compelling and I liked reading it. Beef Steakwell - Hope You Remember Bible School Good job on using the biblical source, I guess. I didn't realize until I got past the first scene jump that we were talking the literal Biblical plagues of Egypt. The story aside from that is a bit...neh? Apart from its context, there are some things that are unexplained--how/why is she the traitor here? I'm sure if I read the Wikipedia article on Exodus it would make more sense, but a story, even one that's borrowing heavily like this one, should be able to stand without needing to go to an external source. Your prose is also kind of messy here, varying between different levels of Dramatic Bible Drama Dialogue. My advice for next time would be to write a story that isn't bible fanfic. Welcome to Thunderdome, try not to get slaughtered next time. Tyrannosaurus - Please Don't Post My Livejournal Blog Entries, Tyrannosaurus Between this one and the one you wrote for descriptive week, I get the idea that you like the internal monologue sort of style, and here, it works a lot, since we're seeing the introverted protagonist's thoughts. You made an interesting, yet simple choice with the calamity, and told an interesting, yet simple story of a goony guy overcoming his self-anxiety to walk away from a lovely GM and take a risk on running a game himself. You also captured the adolescent coolness-posturing well, so to use my stock phrase here, the emotions felt very real. It was also pretty amusing, but also meaningful, and being on the meaningful side gave you the edge over the sillier HMs. (sittinghere and seb, if you didn't know) Clandestine! - Clever Title: This Reveals The Twist But You Don't Know It Okay, twist aside for the moment, this was pretty good. I got the emotions it was going for, and it felt like actual people for the most part, though it was a bit hard to get why she went through with marrying him if he could be so lovely. You did a good job of showing why he wasn't a good candidate for husband, but it was harder to see what she saw in him. His mother seemed kind of melodramatic, but other than that, people acted like people. And then the twist ending. Now I see what you were going for, the slight hints you were dropping, but the trouble with twist endings like that is that they come out of nowhere, change everything, and leave you wondering what it was supposed to mean. To steal something from my co-judge while we were chatting: what does her being a harpy add emotionally that her punching him doesn't? It doesn't really affect the story, it happens too quickly and too close to the end for that. I was feeling the story pretty well up until the end, and then it veered off and, oh, she's an actual harpy, I didn't read that wrong. Aside from that, this is not a bad first entry, even by this week's rather cushy standards. Anathema Device - A Very Special Thunderdome The writing in here was fine--there was some good stuff, some stuff that made me think back to the time I was on pain medication and I found out that the pills gave me a pleasant high, then I took them too often and barfed and then I had to take it easy on the pills. I'm down with the weird pill thoughts the protagonist was having. The problems here are twofold: First, it's an after-school special about how doing drugs is bad. At least it's not overly moralizing about how drugs make you a terrible person, but still, the plot is pretty old territory. And second, there are way, way too many transitions for 700 words. You jump seven times in that, and it makes the story seem scattershot. Kaishai - Noo, Birds This was one of my HM candidates. I liked the symbolism with the feathers from the dead birds, and the way it dawns on him that he doesn't want to have just a "feather" from his aunt to remember her by. Would birds really freeze like that to trees? I've never seen that, but then I never had snows quite as heavy as that, so maybe that does happen. In any event, I don't have a ton to say about it. Well-written, among the best this week. JcDent - A Guy Stares At A Hole I liked the style of the world you were setting up, but the problem with this story was that nothing happened. The major conflict of the story, that the bar is destroyed, gets obviated by the end, because he decides he doesn't care about it and he'll go and work with his brother in Space Gamestop. If one defines the plot of a story as the series of actions a character takes in order to reach their intended goal, your story does not have a plot, because he takes no action. Next time, instead of writing a lot of exposition about a world that might be interesting to see a story in, start your story by thinking about what your character wants, what's keeping him from getting it, and what he's going to do about it. Contemplating suicide and then deciding nah doesn't count. Also your tense jumped around between present and past like crazy, and there were sentences I just had trouble parsing. "The quicksilver pool… extremely toxic, very much lethal. Randy wouldn’t now, his childhood and teens were spent at the bar and running errands." Randy wouldn't know? If he wouldn't know, shouldn't he still not know? Tenses are all crazy. Obliterati - How Many Potatoes Does It Take To Kill An Irishman From the way it started off, I thought I wasn't going to like this. The first/second person usage is a bit weird, but then once you get into the two of them and the Morrigan, it makes more sense and it works, somehow. Even though you get dangerously close to purple prose, that works, too--yours was the sole serious story to make it up to the HMs (though I would have put Kai there too) and part of that is just thanks to the interesting idea. The second-person works because it's all spoken as an address, so it's not too odd--the one thing I thought while reading it was that the second-person character's presence during the conversation with the Morrigan was kind of nonexistant. He was there, but just watching, I guess? It's a small thing in a story that's generally strong and effective, and given the eloquent fantasy style you were writing in, it took some skill to make it as effective as it was. EchoCian - I See What You Were Having Trouble With This story is an interesting premise, but it's paired with a plot that's kind of independent of that premise and isn't really affected by it. A young woman is ostracized and contemplating suicide because of [trait], but a young man comes by to talk to her about [trait], and he's not scared of [trait] and he convinces her to not jump. It's a stock story with not much of a spin on it, though I do appreciate the nature of the calamity being more personal and less epidemic like some of the others. Ironic Twist - Drugs Metaphors This seems like a fairly easy story to write, but that you dressed it up with the metaphors made it more appealing, definitely. The love metaphor you took just about to the point where it'd become silly, but you stopped from going that far. The dark humor stuff lifted it up a bit in my eyes--the contrast between that and the more metaphorical stuff created a good tone, and it actually reminds me a bit of Phobia's Truly Alien week submission, Rooftop Brain Crack Blues. (I actually had to check to see who'd written that one, I thought it might have been you.) Fumblemouse - Rich Family Stereotypes I was the buzzkill who pointed out that, even though you had that part in the end where he reacts to what he assumes his family is doing, this isn't really a story with a narrative. That's not to say that it wasn't fun to read, because it is pretty fun and there's some good jokes in there. As I thought about it too, I felt that the jokes did lean on some pretty easy stereotypes of the well off family--Doesn't Actually Read Books, The Fat One, The Gold Digger, The Gay One, The Wife Who Slept Around, et cetera. It's still fun, but the characters do feel more like comedic props than real people. Also, I wasn't sure what the calamity was supposed to be--just that he's dead? Or that he murdered that guy? Sitting Here - And he spake as an adult saying I AM THE FUN PASS COME This was pretty cute and pretty fun, though it took a bit to get through the stylistic introduction of everyone and figure out who were the important players here. It was a little vague at parts, at least to me, but I was reading too fast to go back and I got the gist of things--I got tripped up a bit around the decision about something something if you pay for her air hockey. Also, is a Fun Pass like a credit card for Fun Bucks? If so, I wasn't quite sure. Docbeard - loving Phones This is the second "big explosion thing, slowly waking up" story, and I'd say this is the better one. Finding someone else's phone was a pretty interesting take on how to go from there, but the problem here was really the ending. They meet in real life, and then she runs off, because the phone was broken so presumably the guy she knows is dead? It seems like you weren't able to think of an appropriate payoff, because it's fine up until the ending, and then the ending is quick and feels kind of arbitrary. ThirdEmperor - I Don't Get It This was written competently, and there's some nice images in there. I just...didn't get what was going on. A guy's recovering from a supposed terrorist attack. Is the book title relevant somehow? Is the attack relevant? What's with his franticness near the end? I just didn't get this one, and maybe that's because CC and I both missed something, but if you were going for something in particular, it zoomed over both of our heads. Grizzled Patriarch - And Then An Email Popped Out This is really weird because it felt like it worked right up until the very end, even the first/second person mixed perspective (since addressing someone who's got alzheimers (I'm assuming) directly makes sense, if someone's telling them about the sort of person they were) but then after they die, there's an email from them. What? And then it ends. What??? What's going on with this one? Aside from being a twist ending, which we've established I don't like back with Clandestine!'s, I just don't get the twist. Surreptitious Muffin - Fake It Until Your Imaginary Friend Eats You I really liked this one, once I figured out what was going on with the SealHammer - Two Men Talk I'll be honest, I don't remember a lot of what was going on in this one, besides there being two sides and one of the guys had switched sides. What you've got here is a talking heads story, which is when you have a story where two (or sometimes more, or sometimes less) people just stand and talk to each other about the state of the world. It's good for showing off worldbuilding. It's not so good for creating a compelling narrative that draws the reader in, because usually while two people are talking, things aren't happening. In fact, in this story, when things happen, it signals the end of a story. Remember, the plot of a story is the actions a character takes toward achieving their goal. Your story was so much exposition that I can't even tell you what the goal of your characters was, or what they were trying to do to achieve it, because it was mostly about these two guys talking about their lives. Fuschia_tube - A Guy Stares At A Similar to Kai's and to the guy who wrote about coming out as gay during the apocalypse, this is a story that's almost independent of the actual calamity, with a calamity that could offer more areas for interesting stuff. You caught me right at the top with the idea of hey, there's a second moon in the sky, but then all that your character did was drive to a town wrecked by a tidal wave and do a bit of symbolic grieving for his loved ones. It seems like a waste of a pretty interesting idea. Sebmojo - Christmas Robots This is one of those that's fun to write, right? Well, good thing it was also fun to read. It was silly, but the plot had enough odd turns that it didn't become just "Oh, people are robots, things are weird and then they all go back to normal." Things get weird, and then they get weirder, and it's goofy and fun to read. ceaselessfuture - Rich People Being Dicks To Fat People This was a fairly well-done story. What brought you down a bit was some clarity and editing issues--like the way you put in the fact that the bride revealed to her that she was cheating? The place you put that in makes it sound like the ice sculpture falls over, then the bride goes up to her and says, "hey, you know, I was having an affair with him." Also, I hadn't quite picked up on the fact that she was "fat", though the sweating was a fairly good clue. It could have used some editing for clarity, but overall I thought this was pretty good. Your Sledgehammer - Ranma 1/2 University This is another in the line of interesting calamities with missed potential. Again, you got me with the first line. Everyone switched genders? Ah, that's a pretty interesting calamity! But then as you go through it, you basically just fall out of the gender bender tree and hit every gender bender trope on the way down. Oh man, the cheerleaders are football players now and the football players are cheerleaders! And then it ends on a vaguely romantic note, but there hasn't really been a solid conflict other than his own freakout over things being weird. It feels as if there was more that could have been done (and more calamitous things) than what you gave us. Djeser fucked around with this message at 13:02 on Nov 17, 2014 |
# ? Nov 17, 2014 12:45 |
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SurreptitiousMuffin posted:I wanna fight loving Martello or somebody where is he. o good evening officer what's that? where am I coming from? your mother's house. yes exactly. in the butt, she seems to prefer it that way. where am I going? your wife's house in fact. no she makes me dress up as a ballerina, but otherwise vanilla. o sure I can absolutely slow down, bit of a lead foot here, heh. yes. well thank you officer, very kind of you to give me another chance. you know what? you drive safe too. have a wonderful evening. i'll tell your wife you said hi.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 12:50 |
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SurreptitiousMuffin posted:I wanna fight loving Martello or somebody where is he. Martello posted:o good evening officer The Hammer and the Muffin Lets keep this fast and dirty; 800 words, a love story on a speeding train, no-one may speak. 21 Nov, high noon PST.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 13:00 |
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Is it OK to ask about interprompt criticism? Because I'm a little confused about autocannons and missiles and such and such. Should I replace "fired the autocannons" with something like "with a press of the trigger, she let loose the dogs of war, and 20 mm shells of her autocannon mulched a dirty old rover, showering the horde with hot metalic debris" or "the two boxy missile batteries did a minute adjustment of their position before triggering the munitions. Four arcs of smoke marked their path to the target down bellow: the front ranks of the shuffling colonists disappeared in fire". I'm confused as to how one should describe battle. . And yes, I like reading RPG splatbooks(for the lore. Is that bad?), even if I don't get to play them JcDent fucked around with this message at 13:25 on Nov 17, 2014 |
# ? Nov 17, 2014 13:07 |
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Martello posted:o good evening officer
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 13:11 |
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Thanks for taking the time to read it Chairchucker, will aim to get out of the DM zone next week. Thanks for the quickcrit Djeser, I will try to write something original next time and think more about how much knowledge I assume on the part of my reader. The crit is appreciated.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 13:31 |
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Hi, I'm obnoxious.Cacto posted:The perfect life (721 words) (Drive You Home by Garbage) Love your first line. Hilarious. Unfortunately the rest of your story didn't have the same tone. It also didn't have a plot. I kept waiting for some kind of twist that would reveal a dark reality, but it seems like there wasn't one. Getting "fired" really does seem to be a good thing. So what's the problem? Entenzahn posted:Clamity As for everything else, I really liked it. One of my favorite stories I've read in the Thunderdome, though I've only read about ten, so I don't know how much that counts. Still, I had a grin on my face almost the whole time. I didnt understand the stuff in italics. Needed a few more clues as to what that was about. Good job! Jitzu, I read your story and decided it need more than a summary of my thougts Jitzu_the_Monk posted:Switch Beef Steakwell posted:The Morning After Also your story makes no sense. Who is this kid? You never tell the reader what the deal is. Bad. Tyrannosaurus posted:Ding You did play very loose with the calamity thing, though. The calamity is that he rolled a 1? Pretty weak, if you ask me. It feels like a story you wrote before this week and just put it in anyway. Clandestine! posted:Harpy "“Where is he?” to his mother" Who is the "he" in "his"? You tell the reader later, but it's confusing here. "The driver was sitting on the hood" Try to avoid stuff like this. "Was" should be used as sparingly as possible. "The driver sat on the hood" is just as clear and is more tightly written. "cartoonishly evil" I don't like this. You didn't explain why she was marrying him in the first place. She seems to dislike him a lot and doesn't seem surprised at all by his betrayal. I would have preferred more emotion from Iris. The ending twist was too abrubt and not clearly presented. This needed a read-through from a fresh perspective and more concrete details to let the reader envision what was happening. But that is a minor complaint compared to the lack of emotion in the story. JcDent posted:Alabama Shakes - Hold On You forgot to write a story. In the beginning, a spaceship has crashed into a bar. Then you spend 700 words giving exposition. At the end, nothing has changed. Boring. Fumblemouse posted:wordcount:784 Sitting Here posted:Uneasy Lies the Head That Wears a Party Hat SurreptitiousMuffin posted:in two minds about everything Your Sledgehammer posted:Whenever This World is Cruel to Me Decent idea, abysmal execution. I'm sorry, but this was awful and the ending just a little creepy. The biggest problem is that the main character figures everything out way too quickly. Just a few lines of dialogue with Terry/Terri and Jake knows what is going on. He has very little reaction, and he gets over it quickly. Then the end, with the sudden attraction Jake feels toward Terri, reeks of some kind of fan-fiction/wish fulfillment. ceaselessfuture posted:Under the Ice "the largest she'd" There you go again, pronouns before the subject. Stop it. "you fat gently caress!"" Whoa. That really came out of nowhere. Uh... did you forget to write an ending? The POV has issues; you start in a more omniscient POV and then finish closer on Dory. And then it just seems to finish, as if you ran out of words. You need at least another paragraph to truly explain why Dory might not call for help. blue squares fucked around with this message at 14:29 on Nov 17, 2014 |
# ? Nov 17, 2014 14:27 |
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THUNDERDOME CXX You know what I mean? Sign up and you’ll get a proverb. Well, probably. You’ll probably get a proverb. You might get advice from a fortune cookie or maybe a meaningful quote off of a teenager’s pinterest. Who the gently caress knows? Roll the dice and bask in my charming whimsy. When you get your super unique specialized prompt don’t be stupid about it. For instance, if you receive “a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush” don’t write me a story about birds and bushes. Don’t be literal. Glean the loving meaning from it and then gimme a goddamn story about the meaning of the proverb. Some will be easier than others. Some will have multiple ways to interpret. Go hog wild! But don’t be literal. And don’t bitch. Any genre. 1500 words. Sign-Ups Close: Friday at midnight (EST) Submissions Close: Sunday at midnight (HAST) Turtles Tyrannosaurus Mercedes docbeard Hares Blue Squares - Some people can't see a priest on a mountain of sugar Gau - Baseball is what we were. Football is what we've become SurreptitiousMuffin - A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for Your Sledgehammer -Experience is a comb nature gives us when we are bald J.A.B.C. - A lazy shepherd is the wolf's friend JcDent - A golden key can open any door Entenzahn - Only those who can see the supernormal can learn to silence the reptile Thalamas - The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but rather 'hmm... That's funny...' Clandestine! - Teeth are just bones Jitzu_the_Monk - Time isn't wasted when you're getting wasted N. Senada - A rising tide lifts all boats Ironic Twist - As the dog said, "if I fall down for you and you fall down for me, it is playing" Grizzled Patriarch - A bulldog can whip a skunk but sometimes it's not worth it Obliterati - There is hope as long as your fishing line is in the water Sealhammer - War has no eyes cthonic bell - A large chair does not make a king Hammer Bro. - Any port in a storm ThirdEmperor - Money makes monkeys of men newtestleper - A man with a hammer sees every problem as a nail Anathema Device - You can wake up a sleeping man with the slightest sound but no amount of noise, no matter how loud, can wake someone pretending to sleep Djeser - They say you're nobody 'til somebody kills you but where I'm from you're nobody 'til you kill somebody Sitting Here - There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly sebmojo - When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea Cacto - May night continue to fall upon the orchestra Baby Babbeh - /Behold! Violets bloom within /The fence of the forbidden ground. crabrock - Cross the river in a crowd and the crocodile won't eat you Pete Zah - All children are artists Fumblemouse - If you're gonna dine with them cannibals sooner or later, darling, you're gonna get eaten ZeBourgeoisie - Pigs don't know what a pen's for Indiana Cones - You can't stop the waves but you can learn to surf Benny the Snake - You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs systran - A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on Jonked - Don't be friends with the dog, for the tail will show it. Nethilia - A drowning man will clutch at a straw Barracuda Bang! - If size mattered, the elephant would be king of the jungle Failures ceaselessfuture - You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down Beef Steakwell - A chain is only as strong as its weakest link Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 22:29 on Nov 23, 2014 |
# ? Nov 17, 2014 14:35 |
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In.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 14:36 |
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I am proverbially in.
Gau fucked around with this message at 14:51 on Nov 17, 2014 |
# ? Nov 17, 2014 14:45 |
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Sure. Hit me.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 14:45 |
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Also, Gau, sure. I thought your story this week was downright awful, but didn't think putting that in my crit post would do much good. I can take some time out of my week to end your streak.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 14:59 |
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In,
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 15:16 |
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IN before I go to work. This should be some good exercise for me.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 15:19 |
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Gau posted:God drat, you are obnoxious. This thread is for posting stories and critting stories. Veterans shitpost. That's it. blue squares posted:Also, Gau, sure. I thought your story this week was downright awful, but didn't think putting that in my crit post would do much good. I can take some time out of my week to end your streak. Gau Home, blue Drunk Brawl Write a horror story. Morbid, creepy, shittingpantsscary. Whatever. Horror story. There has to be horror. It has to be a story. Also since we'll be like right in the middle of Christmas by the time this is over, pick two of these cheerful things and make them relevant to your entry. Don't tell me what you picked if I can't see it from reading the story you hosed up: A drunk skeleton Youthful innocence A genuinely funny clown The gift of giving A dishwasher 2.500 words max. Use as many of them as you need. Not more, not less. Deadline: 1 Dec, 2014 @ 23.59 CET (that's in Europe for gently caress's sake) No vignettes. No extensions. No mercy. Write a story. WRITE! START WRITING!
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 15:33 |
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I'm in for this week!
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 15:36 |
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in
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 15:37 |
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I had an exceedingly lovely dream about being a contestant on a lovely reality knitting show with loving Usher as the game show host who was a dick to me every chance he got. After losing a challenge I immediately wake up before my loving alarm clock goes off. I'm uncharacteristically grumpy and I have a black cloud over my head. Perfect time for judging.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 16:01 |
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I'm in.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 16:02 |
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In. Practice makes not-perfect-but-less-lovely, right?
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 16:25 |
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In.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 17:02 |
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In,
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 17:02 |
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In, .
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 18:12 |
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In.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 18:14 |
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In.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 18:18 |
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Maybe I'll write something less badder and more gooder. In.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 18:19 |
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In.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 18:20 |
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Haha, what? Don't be literal? How do you suckers keep pulling me into your ranks when I've got far too many other priorities? This is going to be a fun week. Them crits I owe might be a mite delayed. Just to clarify, you mean the midnight on Sunday that comes after the 11:59 PM on Sunday, right?
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 18:26 |
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Hopefully I won't subject you all to terrible garbage this time. In.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 18:28 |
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In.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 18:34 |
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In
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 18:39 |
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# ? Mar 28, 2024 17:18 |
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JcDent posted:Is it OK to ask about interprompt criticism? Because I'm a little confused about autocannons and missiles and such and such. Should I replace "fired the autocannons" with something like "with a press of the trigger, she let loose the dogs of war, and 20 mm shells of her autocannon mulched a dirty old rover, showering the horde with hot metalic debris" or "the two boxy missile batteries did a minute adjustment of their position before triggering the munitions. Four arcs of smoke marked their path to the target down bellow: the front ranks of the shuffling colonists disappeared in fire". I'm confused as to how one should describe battle. . Those both look fine: ask in FIction Advice if you want further clarification.
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# ? Nov 17, 2014 19:31 |