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JcDent posted:gently caress it, I'm in! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCXFLxCARRs
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 09:36 |
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# ? Apr 24, 2024 11:45 |
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This Fumblicious-Bennytastic Brawl is due at 6:00am local or some such bullshit. Ima gonna put this here then go and sleep it off. wordcount: 1398 The Cornfield Carnival Once the trailers and trucks were parked, once the tents had been put up for the midnight performance, once the skies had darkened beyond twilight, the Human Torso and the Bearded Lady went for a walk in the cornfields that surrounded the carnival. “Ah, the night skies of the country,” said the Human Torso. “In the city, the street lights obscure the natural ones above , but here you can revel in the inspirational brilliance of the stars.” “You can,” agreed the Bearded Lady. “Yet none inspire like you, sweetness,” said the Human Torso, leaning to kiss her perfect hand as it held his vestigial one. “I don’t have much, but when my mamma died, she left me something of hers.” The Human Torso looked bashfully at the ground, then lifted his eyes to look at her. “Now I want it to be yours.” The Bearded Lady waited as he struggled to reach the pocket of his shorts. He contorted and wiggled, searching with his armless hand until he located and pulled out a small box. He offered it to the Bearded Lady, who accepted with a shy smile. Inside was a ring of brilliant gold, set with tiny, perfect diamonds. “I hope you don’t mind if I forgo the one knee,” said the Human Torso. “I just want to say: Since you arrived here at the Carnival, I have enjoyed our times together, and I think you’ve enjoyed them too.” “I have,” said the Bearded Lady. “Good,” laughed the Human Torso. “But please, let me get this out. It seems like I’ve been searching for something my whole life. Don’t get me wrong, traveling with the Carnival, being a part of the carnival family, it’s been wonderful - laughs and whiskey and seeing the world. But when I talk to you I feel connected to something...bigger. Something unknown and wondrous. And I didn’t know I needed that until I met you. When we're together, I can see the whole sky.” The Human Torso’s voice broke and his eyes shone in the starlight. “I never want to lose that. My dear, my sweet, my love - will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?” “I will,” said the Bearded Lady, allowing the ring to placed on her finger, bringing his face to hers. The corn moved with them, but there was no wind. The little gods of the cornfield giggled amongst themselves and decided upon a wedding present. The Bearded Lady woke with a start and lifted her head from the Human Torso’s chest. A cold night breeze chilled her bare arms and in the distance she heard the sounds of calliope music playing a wedding march. Startled, she checked her watch. Ten to midnight! She sprang to her feet and began to gather her scattered clothing. The Human Torso opened one eye. “What is it, my sweet?” he asked, and then he, too, caught the sound of the carnival in the night air, whistles and screams and, oddly, Pachelbel’s Canon. He rolled over on his side and prepared to push himself up but something was trapped beneath his weight. He strained with his hand but wasn’t able to align his body properly and ended up with a face-full of dirt. “A little help, my darling?” He offered up his hand for her to pull, and was shocked to see it separate from his body and keep on moving, stopping two feet away. “Your arm!” said the Bearded Lady The Human Torso And Arm twisted his new appendage, bent it at the elbow, then brought his other arm up to marvel at the sight of them both in motion. He pushed at the ground to get himself upright and found further, painful resistance from his lower half. “Your legs!” said the Bearded Lady. She grabbed his hand and tried to pull him upright. It took a few tries to satisfactorily arrange his limbs but eventually the Human Torso Plus Arms And Legs stood on his own two feet, swaying in the chill, night breeze. Tall, muscular, naked save for ill-fitting shorts, and framed by a halo of carnival lights in the distance, he looked unsteadily at the ground that seemed so far away, and then toward his beloved. “Your beard,” whispered the Human Torso, Now With Limbs. The Beardless Lady clasped both hands to her face. She searched with her fingers, but found only the softness of her skin. The Human Torso With Unfamiliar Legs began to fall and she raced to catch him. Together, with his arm around her for support, they made their way back to the carnival, following the notes of Signed, Sealed, Delivered on the calliope. At the camp, chaos had broken out. The troop were not themselves at all. The Piebald Man was clearly distraught, painting half of his wholly white body with thick black paint. The Three-Legged Man was on the verge of tears, looking at an empty shoe, one trouser leg hanging vacant and limp. The Pinhead, her skull now perfectly ordinary, was reading a book in wide-eyed wonder, her lips and one finger moving as she traced the words that had eluded her all her life. The Lion-Faced Man looked aghast as his mane fell out in tufts. The Camel Girl had become fully camel, and spat when anyone approached. The Siamese Princesses were sitting on separate chairs, weeping and holding hands and Mr Invulnerable was alternating between pricking himself with a pin and emitting a mournful wail. Others moped, or sobbed, or prayed. Most of the audience for the midnight show had left already in the wake of such a display. Latecomers took one look at the scene and walked, drove or rode away again. The proprietor of the carnival chased after a few of them, but he could not convince them to stay. He even approached the Human Torso And Other Parts and the Beardless Lady, mistaking them for paying customers. When he got close enough to realise his error, he threw his ringmaster’s hat onto the ground, and declared that they were all ruined. The calliope chimed in with a mournful version of “One Hand, One Heart” The Human Torso Completed turned to the Beardless Lady. “My dear,” he said. “Remember the promises we made to each other in the cornfield. And this music! There must be a connection. Could our troth have brought a spell upon our family?” “Could be,” said the Beardless Lady. “Do you suppose that if we broke our vows, that we would all be healed of our new-found firmity?” “Suppose so,” said the Beardless Lady. “My own enchantress. I have given you my ring. It is yours to do with as you feel you must.” The Beardless Lady observed the happiness in his eyes, heard the echoes of loneliness that still haunted him. She nodded silently and went into the camp. She spoke with the Half-Painted Man, The Two-Legged Man, The RoundHead, The Smooth-Shaven Man, The Two Common Girls From Inverness, Mr Vulnerable and all the others. She showed them her ring. She indicated the music of the calliope. And she asked for their blessing. She even placed two buckets before The Girl Camel and asked her to spit into the left for ‘Yes’ and the right for ‘No’. When the vote was in, when the family had decided, the delighted little gods of the cornfield left another gift - a local map drawn on ancient paper, with the cornfields encircled in vibrant, orange ink, that fell unexpectedly from the RoundHead’s book.. The next morning, the tents were packed away and the trailers and trucks were loaded up and put into motion. Not a word was spoken amongst the carnies as the convoy started out. Every member of the troop was deep in silent thought. When the cornfields finally disappeared from view, the Beardless Lady was staring out the window of one truck, rubbing a gold-ringed finger against her cheek. Perhaps she was imagining things, but it felt a little rough. She kissed her fiancé sitting beside her, whose feet were beginning to dangle from the bench-seat of the truck. “I love you,” said the Bearded Lady to the Human Torso Miles behind them, The RoundHead with the perfect skull lay back amongst the ears of corn and read happily of little gods and the games they loved to play.
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 11:00 |
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I too want to write the big funny words. In.
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 11:45 |
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I love song prompts. I'm in.
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 13:23 |
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I need to improve after this last showing. Count me In.
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 15:34 |
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In.
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 18:06 |
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Benny missed his deadline. Ban him. Also, I am in this week's bad prompt with , which I forgot to mention on my signup.
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 20:03 |
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Benny the Snake posted:*sniff sniff* I SMELL BLOOD! SOMEBODY BRAWL ME, TOO! Fumblemouse posted:I am on a downward spiral into writers plot block and I will still kick your pathetic, whining arse with something I wrote while busy accomplishing unexpected levels of real world poo poo. Bring it, bitchcakes. Benny the Snake posted:Let's dance, motherfucker! *opens swithcblade* Tyrannosaurus posted:FUMBLENNY FUNTIME BRAWL Benny the Snake posted:...a complete lack of story here by November 25th, noon EST. Oh, Benny. A better mouse would show mercy, but you brought this on yourself.
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 20:27 |
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oh no benny your blood lust was too lusty and not enough bloody
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 20:29 |
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Oooooooooh gently caress. I thought it was due Wednesday, not Tuesday... Fumblemouse and Tyrannosaurus, I apologize. I have no excuse. I didn't bother double-checking the due date. I accept my defeat and my punishment for missing the . May the mods and the 'Dome have mercy on my soul.
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 21:02 |
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Benny the Snake posted:Oooooooooh gently caress. I thought it was due Wednesday, not Tuesday... that seems unlikely
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 21:04 |
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No mercy, we want a ban
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 21:10 |
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classic benny "it's not really my fault but i accept full responsibility but also hope i don't have to face any consequences." good times.
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 21:23 |
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God Of Paradise posted:I too want to write the big funny words. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZBKFoeDKJo chthonic bell posted:I love song prompts. I'm in. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXSigAgdw5U J.A.B.C. posted:I need to improve after this last showing. Count me In. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eab_beh07HU Auraboks posted:In. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0HTXLOjVgg
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 21:30 |
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scene from mad max 3: beyond the thunderdome sebmojo: two men, hand to hand. no jury, no appeal, no parole. sitting here: two men enter, one man leaves. fumblemouse: weapons? sebmojo: anything's possible. chance decides. *in gruff as gently caress voice* thunderdomeeeeeeeeee *voice gets even gruffer as seb adds in a lot of vocal fry at the end* fumblemouse: how do I get in there? sitting here: that's easy. pick a fight. *benny walks up and shoves fumblemouse for no reason* cut to next scene: a dumb looking benny is shaking and roaring in the dirt like a dumbass sebmojo: prepare! two men enter, one man leaves! benny has fallen over and won't get back up! he has lost! crabrock: you know the law! baudolino: this is thunderdome! jonked: kill him! kaishai: no, no! look at his face! *everyone looks at benny's dumb looking face* he's got the mind of a child. *the agitated crowd softens. clenched and raised fists slump down. the crowd looks at each other, ashamed of their bloodlust. even fumblemouse hangs his head in shame at having defeated so inept and dumbass an opponent* systran: kill that loving retard! kill him before thanksgiving break god damnit! this is the thunderdome!
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 22:20 |
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If Benny is so keen to brawl, I say let him brawl. For the next three weeks, let's allow the loser take on Benny in a little 250 word micro contest for the chance to hang the dunce cap on Benny's head instead.
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 22:28 |
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systran posted:scene from mad max 3: beyond the thunderdome I honestly enjoyed that more than many of the submissions I've read here.
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 22:30 |
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Your Sledgehammer posted:If Benny is so keen to brawl, I say let him brawl. For the next three weeks, let's allow the loser take on Benny in a little 250 word micro contest for the chance to hang the dunce cap on Benny's head instead.
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 22:31 |
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Hm, what does it say about us that Kaishai, a murderous robot most foul, is often portrayed as the voice of reason amongst us?
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 22:46 |
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Benny the Snake posted:I'm just waiting for the hangman's noose. I don't think I'm in any position to brawl anybody, period. Post your drat story and face the noose with pride you mongrel!
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 22:58 |
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Most excellent.
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 23:48 |
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Hammer Bro. posted:I honestly enjoyed that more than any of the submissions I've read here. same
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# ? Nov 25, 2014 23:56 |
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I'm in.
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# ? Nov 26, 2014 00:03 |
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systran posted:scene from mad max 3: beyond the thunderdome gently caress it, everyone go home, there is no winner this week if not this
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# ? Nov 26, 2014 01:36 |
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I think I'll try to do crits of first time domers when I can. So here is a crit of Head Space by Pete Zah. The first line of this just about made me vomit. I was scared of what i was about to read. There at least two redundancies within the first two sentences, and I think there would be a third if I understood what a polygonagal thingamabob was. I actually think I understand what you're trying to do here, juxtaposing the technical jargon of the first sentence against the mundane reality of the subsequent one. The execution is just abysmal though. There is no excuse for "lying supine" or "surrounds and encapsulates". After that I was very pleasantly surprised by the quality of the writing. It was clear and easy to read, and there were very few spots that I found clunky. Characterization of the protagonist was somewhat developed, but developed in a way that made me hate him. He was basically a sad lump who didn't do anything. The only decision he seems to make, to take a walk, is borne from indecision and apathy. This is something I struggle with in my writing, and I see other similarities between this story and some of my pieces. I find it hard to have my characters do stuff, rather than have stuff done to them. The characterization of Teddy was poor, I didn't get an idea of him apart form "random colleague/friend". Actually at the very end I did, as he was the only person who did anything, but it's no good establishing character only through a single action. This brings me to my biggest issue, which is the disconnect between the end of the story and the setup. I didn't understand what relevance the trip up the water tower had to Arthur's problem. Was it going to help get his creative juices flowing? That seems pretty weak. I liked the idea of squashing the buildings with their fingers- that made a lot more sense to me. This bit would have made more sense to me if it were part of a novel- it wasn't meaningful enough in itself to carry the story. Yay: Well written Nay: Chump protagonist, loose plot, outrageously terrible first line newtestleper fucked around with this message at 03:47 on Nov 26, 2014 |
# ? Nov 26, 2014 03:09 |
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Boozahol posted:I'm in. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7w7ZeSIC6K0
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# ? Nov 26, 2014 03:17 |
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I'm dum
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# ? Nov 26, 2014 03:45 |
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Cut off one head, two more will form! HAIL HYDRA! Better late than never, here's my Fumblemouse brawl story. quote:Untitled Oh and Sitting Here, I need to get back on that loving horse! Hit me!
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# ? Nov 26, 2014 03:47 |
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Yo there's a thing happening next month. Not affiliated with Thunderdome, but I'm throwing the link down around the place. The more people sign up the angrier I will get at everybody.
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# ? Nov 26, 2014 05:04 |
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In.
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# ? Nov 26, 2014 05:53 |
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newtestleper posted:I'm dum https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPnBrK6D26g Benny the Snake posted:Cut off one head, two more will form! HAIL HYDRA! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIwBxr61bkw Kaishai posted:In. I'm going to get a little unconventional here and give you the same song as Crabrock, because it's my absolute favorite and I suspect you'll both do cool but different things with it. Caprice is the privilege of the judges, after all! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BLyXRPl1aE
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# ? Nov 26, 2014 06:23 |
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Who wants a chance to choose their destiny? edit: destiny is currently out of stock Sitting Here fucked around with this message at 09:29 on Nov 26, 2014 |
# ? Nov 26, 2014 06:30 |
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Sitting Here posted:Who wants a chance to choose their destiny? I'll take He Gives Speeches. In. With a (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
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# ? Nov 26, 2014 07:39 |
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Sitting Here posted:Who wants a chance to choose their destiny? In with Kokomo. Edit: Look what you made me do.
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# ? Nov 26, 2014 09:27 |
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I have some spare time in the next few days. I'll crit something in depth if anyone's interested.
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# ? Nov 26, 2014 09:28 |
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A question about the story: can one of the people in it at least be driving a car? The story isn't focused on the car, or about the car, or will have any twists or story relevance connected to the car.
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# ? Nov 26, 2014 21:41 |
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Sorry domer, they're going to have ride a bike or something.
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# ? Nov 26, 2014 21:45 |
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J.A.B.C. posted:A question about the story: can one of the people in it at least be driving a car? The story isn't focused on the car, or about the car, or will have any twists or story relevance connected to the car. I should have clarified this a little better. I don't want stories that play to the Cars 'n Girls trope. Cars can physically be in the story, but you can't have a story about two hooligans trying to impress a girl by racing their T-Birds to Makeout Cliff, or whatever.
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# ? Nov 26, 2014 21:46 |
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Sitting Here posted:I should have clarified this a little better. I don't want stories that play to the Cars 'n Girls trope. Cars can physically be in the story, but you can't have a story about two hooligans trying to impress a girl by racing their T-Birds to Makeout Cliff, or whatever. Thanks for the clarification.
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# ? Nov 26, 2014 21:47 |
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# ? Apr 24, 2024 11:45 |
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What about two young space sports varsity players racing their T-ship2000s through the makeout nebula?
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# ? Nov 26, 2014 22:32 |