|
No, I mean this week: http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?week=120
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 06:37 |
|
|
# ? Apr 25, 2024 18:25 |
|
http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/critcounts.php?week=120
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 06:39 |
|
systran posted:No, I mean this week: http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?week=120 That makes more sense. Ah well. That interprompt wasn't my best work anyway. No corpsefucking, no werewolves, no STDs, you know I probably should have spent more time on it.
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 06:42 |
|
Although I can forgive one of them because he's busy with other stuff and my story has a happy ending because it inspired me to write more crits the end... Or is it?
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 06:44 |
|
systran posted:Interprompt On Judgement and Missing Critiques: An Introspective Words: 1013 It has come to my attention that the judges of the 'Thunderdome' thread on the comedy forum website "Something Awful" have failed to deliver their promised critiques. As a gentleman who believes strongly in the growth of literary prowess through constructive criticism via peer review, this transgression will not go unnoticed. For example, consider the great Socrates who, while a great writer, was not born a great writer. This is due to the simple fact that human beings are not born with the innate ability to speak, write, read, or communicate in any meaningful way. When one considers this fact, that humans do not come with innate communication abilities, one must ponder on the greater implications of human interaction and affairs. Take, for instance, the inability of other great apes to speak. While gorillas have been taught sign language, their ability to truly communicate is still hotly debated. There are many competing theories on why humans, in particular, are capable of speech. One such theory postulates that human females, huddled around the historical cave fires, invented language. However, more information is needed to confirm or deny this claim. One must not dwell too deeply in such topics, for fear of getting into ‘biotruths.’ Alas, we must move back to the topic of the "Something Awful" comedy forums. Created in the year 1999, the forums were founded as the personal website of Richard C. Kyanka as a personal website. The site is unique in that it charges a fee of ten United States dollars to register a forums account. It is my personal, albeit professional belief that the judges of this ‘Thunderdome’ competition ought to be criticized themselves for failing to maintain their duty of providing valuable feedback to the authors and content creators who have submitted their fictional work for scrutiny. On the topic of fiction, it should be noted that the earliest stories in recorded human history are mainly of the genre of epics. Epics are long, narrative poems that tell the story of a hero who must achieve some form of goal, typically in the face of Gods or other supernatural advistories. For an example of an epic poem, take Homer’s the Odyssey. Odysseus must return from war with the city state of Troy to Greece. However, for ignoring the help of the Greek god poseidon, he is punished in a variety of ways. Because I have not had high school English in over three years, and due to the fact that I do not have the desire to google a synopsis of the Odyssey, I will discontinue talking about this Hellenistic epic.However, I will leave this topic with the note that, in the film adaptation of the movie that I was shown in English class, I liked the cyclops scene. Now, to get back on the topic of fiction writing. Fiction was typically written on a typewriter in the 1800s to the early 20th century. However, in this modern age, fiction and most other forms of writing are usually created with the aid of a text editor. Text editors, or word processors as they are often times called, are software applications that the user may interact with via a piece of hardware referred to as a keyboard. In fact, I am currently typing this essay on such a keyboard, currently installed into a laptop. A laptop is a small computer designed to be portable, in contrast to bulkier, less portable desktop computers. Computers can find their history traced back to Charles Babbage, who created a device referred to as the Difference Engine. This machine was designed to calculate difference tables or some poo poo for British people and sailors. Britain was colonized by the Anglo-Saxons in some far off year that I don’t freaking remember. British people are not American, and therefore they are often hated by Americans. While the British do hold different standards of dental hygiene, they do not universally have terrible teeth, as is the perception in America. Despite being birthed to his mother in the American state of Alabama and currently residing in the American state of Ohio, this author does not condone American politics. However, these positions are reserved for another paper. Although I will say Republicans are, more or less, loving stupid, and gay marriage should be a thing because this author’s aunt is gay. Now, allow my to return to the topic of the ‘Thunderdome’ on the internet comedy forums “Something Awful.” This author, having previously written a few fictional stories for this weekly flash fiction competition, believes, in his humble opinion, that the Thunderdome is an excellent outlet for aspiring new writers to come and be butt blasted with eyeball melting critique. Critique that was not provided on whatever week the forums user Systran. However, I am getting reports from forums user Jitzu_The_Monk that a judge did give critique on this week that is possibly being thought of by Systran. However, he also claims there was no third judge on this week, which goes against the ‘OP,’ or original post of the thread which states that the number of judges shall be three, with the number five being right out. Still, I do not doubt the expertise of forums user Jitzu_The_Monk and will take what he says at face value, for rules were meant to be broken. In regards to rules and law, the first written instance of legislature was the Code of Hammurabi, which called for death for many offences. This makes it similar, in some ways, to the laws of Draco when he governed the city state of Athens in Greece. In fact, the word Draconian derives from Draco’s name. In conclusion, whatever the circumstances may be on the critiques that were or were not delivered in the Thunderdome, not delivering critique in such a group is what many would call ‘not cool.’ Still, it must be noted that there is definite doubt that critique was not adequately delivered. If this is truly the case in this situation, then I must end on a resounding “tsk tsk.” I was gonna make it 5000 but jesus, gently caress that.
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 07:01 |
|
An Ode To Judges Past and Future 5000 words crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them crits are nice to get and you should do them
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 07:14 |
|
systran posted:No, I mean this week: http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?week=120 haha yes my story loving owned that week crit me you worthless fuckpuppets e: crabrock i'll trade ya
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 07:23 |
|
crits? okquote:Ram Chowder, Chief Executive of RamCorp, i think that naming your company after your first name is kind of weird, imo lifted his coffee mug, hefted it in a beefy hand, and hurled it the length of the cherry and inlaid sandalwood boardroom table. It spun as it flew, pronoun antecedent says table flew leaving a comet trail of black coffee splatters, before impacting with a sullen thud on the irritatingly well-haired skull of Henry Skoggins, his VP in Charge of Being an rear end in a top hat; a position to which Chowder had mentally assigned him while the mug was still in flight. was hoping it was a real position i was hoping this would go on a little longer because i wanted to see him drill anyway but i have faith he will do the drilling, but still it would have been nice to see it. crabrock fucked around with this message at 07:36 on Dec 8, 2014 |
# ? Dec 8, 2014 07:25 |
|
A Story About People Doing Crits I guess I'll just do it later. It's not like anyone cares
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 08:19 |
|
Crits.Cache Cab posted:
Too many unnecessarily long words. A couple, no worries, but the amount you've got is just annoying. Also I feel like you used way too many colons.
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 09:43 |
|
A Rebuttal by docbeard Some Words Slow critting good critting. Also my Also I've been deathly ill.* Also I will get my outstanding crits from Week 120 done by this time next week**. Also didn't Tyrannosaurus post some crits? ___ *This one is actually true. **Except for that whiner systran's. Well probably even his, cos I liked that story.
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 12:15 |
|
This disappearance of the Judges I can't believe you haven't seen the connection yet. Mercedes recently brought a life into this world, and docbeard was the doctor to deliver it. You want a beard doctor for your deliveries, after all. It ensures the baby grows up to have a magnificent beard, one that all will envy and cherish. That's how it's going in my Thunderdome fanon and I won't deign to believe anything else.
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 14:48 |
|
The Burden of Power "I want to be Queen," Jasmin said arrogantly. "I want to decide what happens to people, because I know best." "Hm," Weisszimmer, her most trusted advisor responded, "To decide someone's fate should not be taken lightly, and even the Queen must back up her actions with proper explanation." "No, I will do what I want!" Jasmin whined. "Ah," Weisszimmer chided, "If you imprison three men, but don't tell your subjects what they did wrong, then how will you expect others not to repeat their mistakes?" "If they do what I say, they have nothing to fear," said the most arrogant and child-like Jasmin. Weisszimmer surveyed the white room and swirled his glass of wine. He packed his pipe with more tabak, lit it, and took a drag. "Perhaps you will have others explain for you, while you take care of other important matters." "Yes, exactly. A Queen doesn't need to subject herself to tedious administration, that is what the steam-powered K.A.I.S.H.A.I. (an acronym that contains not one, but two instances of the acronym 'A.I.') computator is for." Weisszimmer said then, quite scathingly, "Then, you want all the power, but none of the responsibility? Perhaps you should re-evaluate your desire to be Queen. Only a fool volunteers for a job which they do not intend to actually do." He grinned then, quite smugly indeed.
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 14:55 |
|
systran posted:Interprompt DON'T SUBMIT CALAMITY JANE FANFICTION FOR CALAMITY WEEK YOU WILL MAKE CHAIRCHUCKER CRY 369 words () Phobia sits in his room with the curtains wide, putting the finishing on his interprompt submission. He sits back in his chair, crossing his arms and smirking to himself. "Oh boy," says Phobia, "I'm getting to rag on two veterans who have lives and cannot set aside several hours writing constructive criticism for two dozen lovely stories. Wow, I am so cool." Just as he moves to hit post, he pauses. The air in the room has changed, he can feel it in his very soul. Immediately he feels the presence behind him, it's breathing labored. In excitement, in anger? It's hard to tell. The room begins to darken in an inky haze that not even the sunlight can penetrate. Phobia's breath catches in his throat, and he only exhales once his visitor speaks. "Hello Phobia," says he, "It's been a week." Phobia does not turn around. The boy already knows who it is. He sniffles, squeezing his eyes shut. He considers playing dead, if only to avoid that searing gaze. It is hopeless though. The figure feasts off his fear. "Oh no," says Phobia "I-I'm sorry, I forgot, I'll get to it soon, I promise, it's almost done, I just hit a wall, please, you have to believe me, please, oh god, don't hurt me, please." The figure does not pity Phobia. It hovers in the air, weightless, hunching over Phobia's quivering body. Bony fingers bore into his shoulder in a vice that Phobia cannot hope to escape from. The figure leans in, cold, numbing breath washing over the fool's ear. "Hooooomewooork," says BadSeafood. He lets go of Phobia, who promptly crumples into a ball of tears and snot. Seafood slivers back under Phobia's bed, where he will remain until Phobia's submission. What he does under there, not even Phobia is sure. Lying in wait, perhaps. Phobia imagines Seafood sleeping during the day, crimson eyes permanently gaping. It doesn't matter what he is doing, really. He's probably doing it with more craft than anything Phobia has produced in the past year. What is Phobia's deal anyway? He can't even do an interprompt without making it about himself. Man, what an rear end in a top hat.
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 19:32 |
|
systran posted:The Burden of Power u lookin to get "disappeared" son?
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 20:44 |
|
The Best Rebuttal "I'll finish my crits all at once," said Mercedes, arms held straight up over his head with magnificent middle fingers stabbing the sky, "Little by little, you douche-drinking scum suckers." He moonwalked into the darkness until only his eyes and teeth were visible. "Babies are time-vampires, drat you."
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 20:47 |
|
Phobia posted:YOU WILL MAKE CHAIRCHUCKER CRY ITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITS
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 20:59 |
|
Phobia posted:DON'T SUBMIT CALAMITY JANE FANFICTION FOR CALAMITY WEEK YOU WILL MAKE CHAIRCHUCKER CRY
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 20:59 |
|
Week 120 Part 1 of howeverthefuckmanytimesit'lltaketogetmethroughthisshit ZeBourgeoisie Going with the surreal I see. Boring start. “Then, without warning” is weak, along with “suddenly”. This story is seriously corny. I eyerolled when the stranger eyerolled. Halfway through and nothing has actually happened. I don’t know the point of this story. I don’t even know what to make of the ending. JABC Dammit, I hate the “Alright, let’s go through the story again” openers. It demands a certain type of prose; the story has to sound like the narrator is speaking it to you. I don’t feel you captured that feeling. Too verbose and too much description (especially for the third retelling) for the majority of the tale. The plot wasn’t strong enough to make me care at all for the character. Not to mention the twist at the end that it was probably his friend who did it was weak in its delivery. No tension. And if the MC was to take the fall, you could have done a better job in upping the stakes. Being talked at by the police doesn’t cut it, unfortunately. Cacto “Tony got up to blue squares Look at that, erotica. Already, your opening had me turned off. My literary erection gone soft, flapping in the wind. But please, tell me more about your sexy producer’s erection! You… gently caress. Godamn you. How dare you sully Sesame Street with your poo poo. Words cannot explain how I hate this piece. Fumblemouse Thank God Fumble. I was about ready to claw my eyes out. The first opening that got my attention in a positive way. Unfortunately it didn’t pan out. Light on plot, heavy on action. And I don’t understand the ending. What I don’t really understand is the why. The writing is solid, but the story isn’t. Entenzahn Man, you have a thing with descriptions. Really well done explaining how Maxwell’s world twisted and went wonky. Very clear throughout. Now, how will you gently caress it up. Well, you didn’t, good for you! It was one long bad trip, and it read like a bad trip so you succeeded in that aspect. Jitzu The Monk Oh good, another bad trip story. Nothing exceptionally bad stands out, but Entenzahn did it better.
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 21:04 |
|
Chairchucker posted:ITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITS 'it's' is only ever short for 'it is'
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 21:24 |
|
Gau Home, blue Drunk Brawl - Judgement blue squares posted:Two Heads Are Better Than One So this was a story, and I might even call it decent and not consider myself generous because it was fine really. There are some things holding it back, some tonal elements that don't quite mesh, like a Daiquiri made with bottled lime-juice. Sure the plebs don't know the difference, but I've been to some really fancy bars this year. The beginning is a great example. Technically it's alright. You show me that the boy and his missing brother used to play make-believe together, and this delivers a whole bunch of information and foreshadowing at once. But the Savannah imagery? Doesn't fit. It's nothing to do with the setting, is never used again. Like an out-of-place simile it doesn't ruin the story, but picking something more fitting would have improved it. Here's another thing I noticed: blue squares posted:“Leave him be,” Mom said. He waited a few moments, then stomped back inside. Before long I knew I’d hear them fighting about something else, muffled voices through the floorboards like Charlie Brown teachers. They refused to talk about Adam anymore, so they just yelled at each other instead. I really want to like this, because in theory it's a simile that works on many levels (it helps the imagination of the sound and I can also believe that this is how Stan would see it, authority figures blathering on in the background). But the Charlie Brown teacher voice is really dull and limp and it doesn't quite work for the sharper noise of a shouting match, no matter how muffled. It's a different magnitude. Moving on from the nitpicking, you have two very distinct parts in your plot and neither of them work as well as they could, and they also don't work together because there's two different kinds of horror. The first part plays off the whole "boy disappeared and probably rots in the basement" angle. It's a bit slow and there's a lot of family dialogue and infighting that I don't care too much about because it's not as interesting as learning more of the boy's disappearance. I guess it goes well enough in painting the mood, but you harp on the same points so much that halfway through I'm sure Adam is dead and we're going to spend the next few thousand words screwing around until we stumble over his body. It picks up once you get to the actual basement. When Stan discovers Adam's left-behind knife I get really excited over the first clue we've just found, and the stench wells up and it's a creepy moment because I'm not sure what's going on anymore, just that there's some horrible secret here and something's actually wrong with Adam, despite Stan's hopes. That's the definite highlight of your story and a decent horror moment. The second part is not scary at all and despite your attempted foreshadowing of an "orange smell" comes out of nowhere. I have no idea what these orange eyes are supposed to be, or where the boys are, or how the place works and I feel like you're just pulling stuff out of your rear end and hope it frightens me. Sorry, it doesn't. It's a monster that shows spooky things to boys. Adam cries a bit about how there's no beating it, but I have no idea what that actually means. He's been there all that time unable to fight back and he seems pretty fine apart from being scared of getting scared again. I guess part of the problem is also the description. Stan rattles off a list of images you, the author, think boys would consider scary and that's it. I don't feel their terror or danger. So the first part was nice, down-to-earth and creepy, though slow. The second part took a U-Turn towards a big truckload of wtf with a monster that I thought was kinda lame. Two very different approaches to horror that don't work like this. Commit to one of them, or improve the foreshadowing and transitioning, or go for a more believable supernatural element. The writing is competent and, as I said, the plot is technically complete. I like how they defeat the monster together by using their fantasy, which plays off the elements you've mentioned throughout your story, Stan & Adam's imagination and the fact that they are like brothers in arms who need each other. You introduce a problem in the beginning and you resolve it by the end, and it's a personal story about brotherhood with a protagonist that I can sympathize with and care about. So in that regard it's better than other brawl stories I've read and it might have won a straight-up fight. Don't beat yourself up over the forfeit. It's a deserved win. Decent on line level, though I noticed a few unnecessary instances of "I heard/felt/saw" and some stuffy sentences. Prompt fulfillment: The Youthful Innocence is an integral part of your story and well-implemented. The drunk skeleton/off-screen dishwasher are incidental. It was technically a horror story, though I don't think the climax was as scary as you wanted it to be. It is implied nowadays that brawls are toxxes, and this is the reason. I don't think you knew about this new trend, and it's Christmas, and you've already lost your streak, so we decided that whatever. But now you know. Next time you brawl it better be a toxx. Bitch. bluesquares wins obviously
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 22:47 |
|
Chairchucker posted:ITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITS
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 23:31 |
|
but WHY does it sit?
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 23:54 |
|
crabrock posted:but WHY does it sit? Because it will not stand for such errors
|
# ? Dec 8, 2014 23:58 |
|
sebmojo posted:'it's' is only ever short for 'it is' Except when it's short for "it has".
|
# ? Dec 9, 2014 00:25 |
|
WEEK 122 JUDGMENTS Well, that was certainly an... interesting experience. Apparently alcohol is intrisctinly linked to petty crime and twist endings in the minds of the Thunderdome. But what are you going to do? Like the morning hangover puke, let's start with the bad news first. Ollyd3000, it's an unfortunate introduction to the Thunderdome, but you wrote an incoherent tale that rushed to a bedlam ending, and earned The Loss. Keep trying, though, really. As for ZeBourgeoisie and N. Senada, your stories failed to impress, and so you get the Dishonorable Mentions. Crabrock, your slowly unwinding protagonist was delightfully twisted. Obliterati, your drunken man grenade was actually funny. You each earn an Honorable Mention. But unfortunately for you two, The Winner's tightly written story is the literary equivalent of Oscar bait. The throne is yours, Grizzled Patriarch.
|
# ? Dec 9, 2014 01:26 |
|
Quick preliminary crit for our newbieloser: judgeburps to follow, and I'll do some detailed crits for the first five that ask.ollyd3000 posted:Hello welcome to thunderdome have a nice day. This is bad in loads of different ways, but many of them are small and easily fixed. Focus on getting the small stuff right first, then move to the bigger and ultimately more important issues next, but right now there's no sign of careful reading here. You don't read, you can't write. Full stop.
|
# ? Dec 9, 2014 01:32 |
|
Sebmojo I'd like one please. I thought my entry this week was my best.
|
# ? Dec 9, 2014 01:35 |
|
Sure, Sebmojo. I'm a little antsy about my submission.Chairchucker posted:ITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITS
|
# ? Dec 9, 2014 01:40 |
|
I'll take one!
|
# ? Dec 9, 2014 01:44 |
|
I'm back up to the unnoticeable middle! Also, crits are good.
|
# ? Dec 9, 2014 01:48 |
|
A crit would be very nice sebmojo.
|
# ? Dec 9, 2014 02:00 |
|
I'll be starting my crits with the Winners, Losers, DMs, and HMs, and then I'll hit everyone else after that. I'm not a fan of line-by-lines, but if you really want me to do one, I'll try to get around to it. Ollyd3000 I'm not being facetious when I say you should keep trying. There's a gem of a madcap story about horrible, horrible people in your entry. That said, there are some major flaws in your story. You have a lot of grammar, syntax, and punctuation errors. It feels like a proof reading would have caught a lot of these. As it, it feels sloppy and slapped together. The second main issue I see is that your language is overwrought. 'Agatha gave a curt nod and headed with purpose into the living room and stood crookedly in front of the television. The children's heads simultaneously bent to the left following Wile E Coyote to his inevitable end.' for example. I want you to read that sentence out loud. I want you to visualize what's happening in your mind. And then, I want you to re-write those sentences that are clearer, more concise, and more useful to your story. Third, there's the general pace of the story altogether. It starts in a slow and disjointed manner that actively pushes the reader away - you spend the first half of your story introducing the parents, getting rid of the parents, introducing the baby sitter, and getting rid of the baby sitter. Then, once Agatha is out of the picture, everything jumps into overdrive with underage drinking and attempted murder. You've got these bits and flashes of atmosphere building, but you don't develop them, so the whole thing feels off. That's what I meant about bedlam - undeveloped bits of scenery that explode into violence, without the support to really make it work. I know this is a harsh introduction, but really, what did you expect? This story desperately needed a rewrite, and you had the time to do it.
|
# ? Dec 9, 2014 02:02 |
|
Thunderdome Week CXXIII: C'est Nes Pas une Nouvelle This week, you're going to write me some surreal stories. I'm looking for an exploration of the contradictions between conscious and subconscious, stories that deliberately defy the rational. I'm not going to give you some restrictive textbook definition - Dadaism, magical realism, postmodernism, post-postmodernism, it's all kosher. Just don't be boring. When you sign up, I'm going to assign you a plain, totally unremarkable situation. Your job is to turn that situation into something surreal. Take it anywhere your imagination desires. Sign-ups Close: Midnight EST on Friday, December 12 Submissions Close: Midnight EST on Sunday, December 14 Wordcount: 1200 Judges: Grizzled Patriarch Bad Seafood Kaishai Entrants: Phobia Sitting Here blue squares Jonked sebmojo newtestleper Boozahol systran Djeser Paladinus SurreptitiousMuffin ZeBourgeoisie Fumblemouse QuoProQuid crabrock Clandestine! Pete Zah Your Sledgehammer J.A.B.C Nubile Hillock Tyrannosaurus Bad Ideas Good December Octopodes Kor Broenheim Entenzahn theblunderbuss Roguelike Hammer Bro. Baby Babbeh Nethilia Ironic Twist curlingiron Benny the Snake Mercedes Gau Grizzled Patriarch fucked around with this message at 16:19 on Dec 14, 2014 |
# ? Dec 9, 2014 02:06 |
|
yeah sure I'm in let's do this.
|
# ? Dec 9, 2014 02:07 |
|
This sounds cool and awesome, I'm in!!
|
# ? Dec 9, 2014 02:07 |
|
Intruiging
|
# ? Dec 9, 2014 02:08 |
|
I'm in.
|
# ? Dec 9, 2014 02:08 |
|
a tin of tomatoes perched on the firm red skin of a gargantuan tomato skewered on the spire of the Empire State Building, juice running down in bloody rivers
|
# ? Dec 9, 2014 02:09 |
|
|
# ? Apr 25, 2024 18:25 |
|
So in
|
# ? Dec 9, 2014 02:09 |