bitcoin: a sisyphean nightmare, forever trapped in an endless wall of sperg

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > bitcoin: a sisyphean nightmare, forever trapped in an endless wall of sperg

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Boxturret: Oct 3, 2013; Don't ask me about Sonic the Hedgehog diaper fetish

Best Friends posted:

seriously this is now officially a gbs thread about bitcoin celebrities ples kill it

if something actually happens in funy bitcoin news then a new thread can happen

okay, mark

# ? Feb 17, 2015 00:34

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 22:15

surebet: Jan 10, 2013; ａｖａｔａｒ
ｓｐｅｃｉａｌｉｓｔ

imagine having to explain this process to your ~~significant other~~ ~~friends~~ mom, after previously spent an hour extolling the virtues of the internet of money and stating that 100% of your salary is now paid in bitcoin

bonus points if they're in the car as the hunt for gift cards is happening

# ? Feb 17, 2015 00:40

Herman Merman: Jul 6, 2008

pgroce posted:

At the Seastead offshore
where the miners all mine
and the wind blows stale BO through the brine,
and nothing's ever heard, 'cept cooling fans' whine...
is the Pit of the Blasted Mt. Gox.

And down past the mining rigs, some people say,
if you look long enough you can still see, today,
where ol' Mt. Gox once stood
just as long as it could
before Men With Guns took all our fortunes away.

What was this Mt. Gox?
And why was it there?
Were Gox coins real? Were they merely thin air?
And did Gox lose all DPR's loot from Silk Road?
Mark Karpeles still tweets there.
Ask him. He knows.

Soricidus posted:

way too easy, but eh, i got this far may as well post it

And when all the investors find their bitcoin's gone astray,
Or the speculators lose some pounds and dollars by the way,
There may be a scrap of paper in the hall or on the stair -
But it's useless to investigate - Mark Karpeles' not there!
And when the loss has been disclosed, the Secret Service say:
'It must have been Mark Karpeles!' - but he's a mile away.
You'll be sure to find him resting, or a-licking of his thumbs,
Or engaged in doing complicated SHA-1 sums.

Mark Karpeles, Mark Karpeles, there's no one like Mark Karpeles,
There never was a Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.
He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare:
At whatever time the deed took place - MARK KARPELES WASN'T THERE!
And they say that all the Cats whose wicked deeds are widely known,
(I might mention DPR, I might mention Tibanne)
Are nothing more than agents for the Cat who all the time
Just controls their operations: the Napoleon of Crime.

Nessus posted:

The greatest magicians
Have something to learn
From Mr. Mark Karpeles' conjuring turn...!!

And we all say:
Oh well, I never
Was there ever
A bitlord clever
as Magical Mr. Mark Karpeles

He's a brunette, he is French and he's fat
From his head to the base of his bottom
He can travel the world (save France)
But he roosts in Japan every Autumn

He can rig an exchange with a bot
He is equally cunning with posts
He is always deceiving you, into believing
The exchange was closed by its hosts

He can play any trick from a ball,
Or preparing to start a cafe
You can protest from out in the hall,
Or hold signs in the Nipponese rain

You have seen the price run up
Believed it's no con
And then all the bitcoins
are VANISHED AND GONE...

And we all said:

yesss

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:01

Heresiarch: Oct 6, 2005; Literature is not exhaustible, for the sufficient and simple reason that no single book is. A book is not an isolated being: it is a relationship, an axis of innumerable relationships.

Nessus posted:

He's a brunette, he is French and he's fat
From his head to the base of his bottom
He can travel the world (save France)
But he roosts in Japan every Autumn

oh god i can't breathe

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:02

FCKGW: May 21, 2006

killhamster posted:

i'm dyin here

my mom just emailed me asking waht bitcoin is

you've got some tough past transgressions to admit to

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:03

Soricidus: Oct 21, 2010; freedom-hating statist shill

killhamster posted:

i'm dyin here

my mom just emailed me asking waht bitcoin is

"it's piss garbage poo poo for idiots, mom"

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:06

Sono: Apr 9, 2008

Soricidus posted:

"it's piss garbage poo poo for idiots, mom"

Do it.

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:17

Herman Merman: Jul 6, 2008

Erenthal posted:

t.s. eliot, known cat lover... hmmm

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:22

sleepy gary: Jan 11, 2006

pressure your mom into signing power of attorney paperwork then steal all her money and her house and while you and the sheriff are evicting her from her home hand her a folded piece of paper

she unfolds it

"that's bitcoin"

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:22

A Pinball Wizard: Mar 23, 2005; I know every trick, no freak's gonna beat my hands; College Slice

DNova posted:

pressure your mom into signing power of attorney paperwork then steal all her money and her house and while you and the sheriff are evicting her from her home hand her a folded piece of paper

she unfolds it

"the aristocrats!"

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:23

Captain_Maclaine: Sep 30, 2001; Every moment I'm alive, I pray for death!

From my miner's sleep I fell into the State,
And I hunched at my laptop till my moist pits stank.
Six miles from reality, loosed from its dream of life,
I woke to Mt. Gox and the nightmare scammers.
When I died they washed my basement out with a hose.

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:37

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Captain_Maclaine posted:

From my miner's sleep I fell into the State,
And I hunched at my laptop till my moist pits stank.
Six miles from reality, loosed from its dream of life,
I woke to Mt. Gox and the nightmare scammers.
When I died they washed my basement out with a hose.

randall jarrell ftw

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:42

FCKGW: May 21, 2006

sometime is wish I were as smart and cultured as you shmucks so I could understand half these jokes

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:44

vOv: Feb 8, 2014

My name is Mark Karpeles, King of Kings!
Look on my bits, ye mighty, and despair

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:47

indigi: Jul 20, 2004; ^{how can we not talk about family

when family's all that we got?}

on bitcointalk did thermos Kahn
a stately scammer dome decree

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:48

Captain_Maclaine: Sep 30, 2001; Every moment I'm alive, I pray for death!

For sale: BFL monarch, extensively used.

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:49

graph: Nov 22, 2006; aaag peanuts

DNova posted:

pressure your mom into signing power of attorney paperwork then steal all her money and her house

dont post about my relatives

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:50

Happy Noodle Boy: Jul 3, 2002

FCKGW posted:

sometime is wish I were as smart and cultured as you shmucks so I could understand half these jokes

same i'll just keep laughing at bitcoins

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:56

sleepy gary: Jan 11, 2006

graph posted:

dont post about my relatives

why are people so bad to each other

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:57

Happy Noodle Boy: Jul 3, 2002

Maybe the rest of you know this but the anti-BTC shills only get paid if replied to (self.Bitcoin)
submitted 5 hours ago by jrm2007
I learned too late -- they will never concede a point but of course will talk to you endlessly.

[�]ralph122030 13 points 2 hours ago
Lmfao, I have 0 experience with bitcoin, nor am I a paid "anti-BTC shill" but i would like to point out why OP has these beliefs.
I would imagine it would be from this thread where OP discusses leaving bits as "tips" for waiters instead of actual cash.
Some of OPs insults to this "paid shill" include:
"Thanks, man. Which McDonald's are we talking about in what town in the deep American South?"
"I'm glad you're an expert at McDonald's. See, I was trying to choose a chain where it would be funnier to imply that your close family members worked. If I said Red Lobster, would that have been better?"
"Seriously, just tell me where they work and I promise, no kidding, a .2BTC tip. All kidding aside, can you afford to turn this down? I think not."
"I don't remember the last time I ate so cheaply that I tipped 10 bucks. But more realistically, say I tip your sister $11. She invests it... "
"1 year later it's worth maybe ten thousand dollars! And she can get the boob job that allows her to work at Hooters!"
TLDR: Op is a dick to rational people who disagree with him.

[�]jrm2007 -3 points 9 hours ago
Given Bitcoin as tips (via paper wallets?) would almost force the servers to get into Bitcoin, no?

[�]beer_warrior 7 points 9 hours ago
Tips aren't tips if you force people to jump through hoops to get them. That's just being a dick.

[�]jrm2007 -12 points 9 hours ago
That is right but in the long run you are helping them by introducing them to Bitcoin.

[�]whollyhemp 9 points 5 hours ago
That's the same mindset of the people who give out those fake $5 bills with Bible verses on the back.
In your mind you're introducing them to "the truth", to the waiting staff you're just a cultish nutjob

# ? Feb 17, 2015 01:59

graph: Nov 22, 2006; aaag peanuts

DNova posted:

why are people so bad to each other

well the rest of the siblings did ok guess it was time to take what they were owed!!!!

# ? Feb 17, 2015 02:00

neonbregna: Aug 20, 2007

killhamster posted:

i'm dyin here

my mom just emailed me asking waht bitcoin is

you need to have her put everything she owns into butts and steal the wallet before someone else does

# ? Feb 17, 2015 02:14

Rick Ross Ulbricht: Feb 3, 2010; put yourself in the shoes of a prosecutor trying to build a case against you. what evidence could they pin on you? there is nothing on your laptop for them to use, if you obscure your bitcoins propperly, there is no way for them to trace them back to me.

Whenever Mark Karpeles went online,
The coiners on r/bitcoin looked at him:
He was a true HODLer, his face benign,
Quite greasy, and imperially grim.

And our coins he quietly mislaid,
And he was always lying when he talked;
But always fluttered tempers when he said,
"No refunds," and he waddled when he walked.

And he was rich�yes, richer than a king�
Yet terribly poor in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish our fists were in his face.

So on we mined, and waited for the light,
And went without the rent, and cursed the Fed;
And Mark Karpeles, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through this thread.

# ? Feb 17, 2015 02:25

Meat Beat Agent: Aug 5, 2007; felonious assault with a sproinging boner

what immortal hand or eye could frame thy fearful coffee table

# ? Feb 17, 2015 02:31

text editor: Jan 8, 2007

Just-In-Timeberlake posted:

best adaption would be a musical or broadway show, imo

# ? Feb 17, 2015 02:41

text editor: Jan 8, 2007

the variety jones variety show

# ? Feb 17, 2015 02:41

triple sulk: Sep 17, 2014

'Tis the middle of the interval in between the blocks,
And the miners have bust into their socks,
Tu�whit! Tu�whoo!
And hark, again! the crusty socks,
How odorously they grew.
Sir Ulbricht, the Druglord rich,
Hath a toothless smile which;
From his desk which lay the 'top
The feds thieved, faking a knock,
Four confessions, and twelve for the hour;
Coin he lost, they took his power,
Sixteen short howls, not over loud;
Some say, he saw Satoshi's shroud.

# ? Feb 17, 2015 02:48

shadok: Dec 12, 2004; You tried to destroy it once before, Commodore.
The result was a wrecked ship and a dead crew.; Fun Shoe

Crankit posted:

his name is french so you probably don't pronounce the s on the end

in french, the accent grave on the second e in Karpel�s makes it short, and the s is pronounced with a hard s.

in this terrible video which you should not watch, you can see and hear an actual french person pronounce it 50 seconds in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wG-Wt0dAm_U

personally i find it a little sad to watch him in that "suck my geek" documentary which i presume was made before he decided to rip off his employer and flee the country. if he had just stayed at home jerking off to his stupid anime and his awful japanese toys, mt gox would never have happened.

# ? Feb 17, 2015 02:49

Subjunctive: Sep 12, 2006; ✨sparkle and shine✨

burial of the thread is the best thing I've read in days

# ? Feb 17, 2015 02:49

Nerdlord Actual: Apr 14, 2007; Awaken to your true self with Wisconsin Potatoes; Grimey Drawer

killhamster posted:

i'm dyin here

my mom just emailed me asking waht bitcoin is

Every time mom sees a story about bitcoin on her facebook or on the news, she calls me up angrily to complain that people are stupid and the money is made up and why does anyone care.

god bless you mom

# ? Feb 17, 2015 03:13

Ayn Randi: Mar 12, 2009; Grimey Drawer

Herman Merman posted:

I. THE BURIAL OF THE THREAD

II. A shell game of chess
III. The Fire Server
IV. Death by intrinsically valueless water
V. What the FUDer said

Ayn Randi fucked around with this message at 04:08 on Feb 17, 2015

# ? Feb 17, 2015 03:50

Tayter Swift: Nov 18, 2002; Pillbug

text editor posted:

best adaption would be a musical or broadway show, imo

i keep saying this but cop rock was already done

# ? Feb 17, 2015 03:51

AlbieQuirky: Oct 9, 2012; Just me and my 🌊dragon🐉 hanging out

Phuzzy posted:

Every time mom sees a story about bitcoin on her facebook or on the news, she calls me up angrily to complain that people are stupid and the money is made up and why does anyone care.

god bless you mom

a good mom

this is just to say

I have stolen
the butts
that were on
your laptop

and which
you were probably
saving
for a tesla

forgive me
they were two hundred thirty dollars
so sweet
and so sold

# ? Feb 17, 2015 05:02

suffix: Jul 27, 2013; Wheeee!

Heresiarch posted:

the question i have now is whether karpeles is pronounced "kar-pells" or "kar-pel-es" because that will determine whether "consider karpeles" or "the magical mister mark karpeles" has the correct meter

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/videos/b/c6c9ab66-e431-4360-8890-f42879e0c9b0

bloomberg says kar-pel-es, which i support because this musical is heading for broadway

# ? Feb 17, 2015 05:10

Sono: Apr 9, 2008

Just-In-Timeberlake posted:

The Persecution and Assassination of Ross Ulbricht as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Bitcoin Under the Direction of the Marquis de Karpel�s

# ? Feb 17, 2015 05:38

Nagato: Apr 26, 2011; Why yes my username is the same as an autistic alien who looks like a 9 year old from an anime, why do ask?

AlbieQuirky posted:

this is just to say

I have stolen
the butts
that were on
your laptop

and which
you were probably
saving
for a tesla

forgive me
they were two hundred thirty dollars
so sweet
and so sold

# ? Feb 17, 2015 05:38

trucutru: Jul 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

FCKGW posted:

sometime is wish I were as smart and cultured as you shmucks so I could understand half these jokes

Who needs actual culture when you can google "famous poems" and pretend you do?

# ? Feb 17, 2015 06:15

ChickenOfTomorrow: Nov 11, 2012; god damn it, you've got to be kind

or go into archives and copy the poems from the last time we did this

i know i had a good pablo neruda ("I do not hash you") but i cba to look it up

# ? Feb 17, 2015 06:18

Heresiarch: Oct 6, 2005; Literature is not exhaustible, for the sufficient and simple reason that no single book is. A book is not an isolated being: it is a relationship, an axis of innumerable relationships.

there was a good "kubla khan" with the line "for he on mountain dew hath fed" but i can't remember the rest of it, might be useful for searching for it

# ? Feb 17, 2015 06:20

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 22:15

jony ive aces: Jun 14, 2012; designer of the lomarf car; Buglord

they were also on buttcoin.org but got lost in the fork between buttcoin.gov and buttcoinfoundation.org

Heresiarch posted:

we had a poetry slam in one of the previous threads already but nothing was as good as "the burial of the thread"

my favourite was the dulce et decorum est one

but probably just because i'm a loving philistine and that's the only good poem i know (thanks ms draisey's year 12 english class)

# ? Feb 17, 2015 06:32

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